Dara O'Briain: Funniest Stand-up Moments | Live At The Apollo | BBC Comedy Greats

formal give you an example Ram I was on tour during the year and there's an darby one night right and just holding a gig and Darby the three guys in the front row guy there guy there guy there right I spoke to that guy as you do how are you what's your name what do you do the manner question explained to me he was a performance analyst for the Nottingham Police Force we certainly ridiculous modern jobs that no one is a clue what the means right there was okay and I just wanna bleach at and then moved on to skip the guy in the middle went to that guy I said what do you do in your mine goes well I'm a lorry driver but at the weekends I play Robin Hood in a tourist attraction called the Robin Hood experience playing element of all that right and I was about to move on when the toast of me what am i doing I've got Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham sitting together in the front row a little bit of crack with the to them and then moved on finished the first I've came back for part two we're just sounding on doing the part two stuff when the first bloke the copper bloke does this no one waves at you when you're on stage it's rarely a situation where you have to stop the guy telling the jokes right but he waves at me and I would wash and he points to the guy in the middle the guy I hadn't even spoken to and goes ask him his name so I'm standing and I went as the guy said what's your name and your mind kind of gingerly goes yeah it's Arthur merry man genuinely without any setting up I had Robin Hood the Sheriff of Nottingham who knows what ends in his glory so that we will be possibly having a chat with you there are others by the way they sprinkle these audience for some ludicrous reason with in coach a massive quotation mark some of you famous faces massive open your way up a couple of lists you're not get back down to D okay change to gala party is here well change to Gayle James your local answer you only your hamster for yourself watching have you got the gold medal on you no no good man yourself that's why it's alright still be sure it's a bit tacky you know what I mean like whatever it's mine you're from Hammersmith you went you wanna go mater look it's just a night you're back in Hammersmith that's fun what a journey you're the only box in the world who fought his way back into the ghetto James I you don't even say anything you're just eyeing me up for weaknesses aren't you like anywhere anywhere about me we find you looking forward 2012 James oh yeah yeah yeah you're gonna win you know we're gonna win big in many ways by the way in the 2012 Olympic Ireland are the winners over the 2012 Olympics because what you don't have to pay for it I say that I only live down the road like whatever my council tax as much as anyone else their paper a little big with council taxes it will be held by weekly so anyway who else you have in here hello hazel Irving how are you hello where's Aggie by the way hello how are you yeah I've seen is really saggy is it a tip I bet it is open your house or bugger you probably sit in the roof slick and snot at a wall saying this vital I understand that completely I've a massive no I'm kind of which on some of early because I know that it's a major concern for people just in terms of public health that stuff we clean clean clean clean clean thinking here's my question for you right within because you know I must have routinely too much but when when I'll do this melodramatic when will we ever Aggie win the war on bacteria laughter 99.9% now according to the final push that we can eradicate that last point one percent of bacteria which is clogging up our kitchen work surfaces at the moment I mean the bad bacteria not the good bacteria no this is some sort of propaganda war where we lured bifidus digest to them over to RT if you poured it all into a yacolt how many of you have ever played with the Wii doesn't count nice this is a Wii game oh I'm stroking a pony that's a we parents oh and feeding sugar cues to a unicorn and it's gonna pull rainbows that I can paint on to Mario's hence that's not gaming this is gaming oh my god I'm in a gun battle which one these buttons isn't Crouch every game involves crouching you're always crouching behind oil barrels or conveniently placed little walls you're always crouching but they put the Crouch put in different places on different games and you get panicked in the middle of a Space Marine laser battle and you're pressing any button at all and suddenly your mouth is just watering around the battle phase [Applause] tearing off that you can just press anything ain't no toggled Maps there's a game called Metal Gear Solid 4 you play a character called snake yes I went snake dies the camera pulled cinematically up from above him and the voice of the man snake has been speaking to on his comms unit goes snow smooth every time he dies when I play a snake he dies a lot but the lava seems undiminished by the regularity with which he has to mourn snake you think once or twice he go a snake you think it'd be some sort of debriefing session in this international espionage organization where they go Jesus Mick you're very disappointed about the death of a crater one of the best agency that he was not Mick we've looked back over the mission logs his behavior in the field was erratic at best he said most the time just waddling around the battlefield whose toggling maps then items then weapons and weapons and items and maps he didn't know where he was going he has to get behind that he couldn't get behind us he kept running out he'd run at us and they'd try running at it again he missed he had to run around in a little circle he tried jumping at us Chopin then he tried touching it touching us then jump in touch jump in touch Jim Croce touch don't matter touch then he looked up they look down then he people before they put the probe are down there yo jump the Crouch weapons items items Krause broke not frozen doggonit active he give him his rations he's the worst agent we've ever had [Applause] that reminds me very very quickly the story by the way as a national trend with their unusual national traits that countries have right and the Irish have all very weird and the Irish here by the way and we're good people and with the backbone of this country so don't give out to us right yeah but one thing we have which we can't do bizarrely is we can't as a nation scuba dive right it's just a weird thing we have right and it's just in the time I learned this because I met a couple of scuba diving instructors and they said no no no you people you just can't do it right you're the worst nation in the world that's good you're the most difficult to teach this bizarre piece of trivia I've ever picked up a bird Ireland we're appalling at scuba diving right there are landlocked African nations who are better in the water than we are I mean well you know it's an island nation but we will never really want to use the waters around us in Ireland we viewed the oceans and seas with a relative amount of suspicion because they were cold and that's where the English came from me happy to bring up the oceans and leave them be but part of the way it manifests itself is beyond the way it did for me is when you go into the water there's a test you have to do if you get a little bit of water in your mask where you have to clear it out by tilting the mask forward and you breathe through your nose you're nodding you've done this lady in front of you you know yeah look at your nodding in kind of it yes it's the most trivial thing in the world right I did it right I'm in the water I let a little bit of water into the mask tiny bit goes up my nose and I panic like an eight-year-old child here this is nonsense not natural what the hell am i doing down here fish who cares about fish we want to see fish in there not give me on a place in batter with chips that's what I'll see fish like average and I shot out of the water gone feck depends I don't care how much nitrogen is trapped in my bloodstream I need to get exploded over the water like a dove and show off the mask thank God I looked around alone in a swimming pool in a meter full of water and the Reds the first day class or just below the surface man what's wrong with him and the guy is doing the hand sign for his Irish they're shy shy they could I apologize to every woman in this room for the ludicrous shite that you've had foisted upon you in the name of what we find horny which I know you only do in a kind of because you think it's kind of an ironic little joke you know all that kind of boo boo boo do [ __ ] get you to do because you think it's a joke you're going ha ha ha this is kind of a funny joke isn't it and we're going yeah yeah just keep doing it right [Applause] nope you enjoying this on an ironic level sure whatever just singing santa baby one more time I mean lingerie is a perfect example of an entire global industry based around this not ludicrous clothing right if you're ever with a woman and she comes out dressed in lingerie goes is this what you like is it this is this is what you like is it you never feel more like an ape in a simian research laboratory as a kindly scientist from a superior species tries to fathom how your lower brain works is this what you like is this show me on the flashcards if this is such a lie without uh tyro banana banana tire I mean stockings are a great example of this a ridiculous item of clothing but incredibly specific this is where the sexy is this that fight is where the sexy is you'll be going lower than this no no hanging you've gone below today our pops off [ __ ] off no how do we go from this is the best thing you could possibly wear this is the worst thing this is the worst thing you would ever wear that is an 8 inch journey from one part of the leg to another no yes no no no no oh I love it ah Jesus put on some slippers and a houseboat bring it up bring it up Ritchie bring it up over the knee or lovely japanese schoolgirl loving a french maid saucy no no no you've got you far I know you've got to fire an arrow [Applause] you said lifted up is this too far yes yes back down again back down again this is where the sexy lives this is that specific height it's where what what is it in men communally at some primal level that makes us go to know what I like I like a woman who looks like she's been partially dipped in ink oh we love it in Nylon not so much in wagers it turns out otherwise men will be gathered by riverbanks constantly during angling tournament going look at him in the water dirty dirty fishermen in the water you're like he wagers boys check you later my feet are dry entire indices based around being sexually attracted to men that missed the point entirely it must be a decade and a half since I've been in a pole dancing club but I remember looking at the lady hanging off the pole or spinning on the Polar hanging upside down off the pole and you dare goal where's Don Pet fantastic who are you doing that for exactly I just want to look at you I could revolutionize the pole dancing you see with one move just stand next to the pole take out one boob bang it against the pole all we need to see what's moving the work watchdog does in hassling small businesspeople what are you doing making a profit taking money from all people you're a monster there is quite a tone to watchdog is that you know you should get out of it this is a touring comic right no traveller in psychics we do you do you laureate something they're all funny as a con artist go they are the funniest con artists in the country cycles right I'm by the way I will say that into any camera if there's any psychics there think iqbal I'll sue I'd love to see you sue could you imagine a court case against a psychic do you have any witnesses they're all around how much fun would that be tell me my old uncle Kevin who you can no can see but I can see did this woman behind you yes she did says the Invisible Man if you ever had any idea of goes like it's nonsense it's just people standing up going John Julia James gillian jo jo Kevin Kevin Mary what if Bob buy there it's nonsense right there's a woman who for legal reasons I'm not allowed to say what her name is right is there a bastard in the room by the way supervised for here yes those who you are what do what's your name chump Martha mark what do you do your trainee solicitor okay so you don't get to appear in court in no man that's the whole fun of it though that would be the guys part just appearing just do the walk in front of the jury oh there's little the jury then that would be the real gasp of it all you don't get that EOS no here let me find a fear instinct so maybe you made the right decision right when you get to the end of a jewellery right when you at the end of you you're walking along and you get to the end right and the jury's here which way should you turn format this yeah yeah see that's why you wouldn't made a good pastor just a moment there right if you're ever in the course right you were ever representing yourself walking along and bla bla bla bla bla bla but your instinct will be do a bla bla bla anything just go wrong it's the way you do remember what I asked you when you look into the face of my client there ask yourself is he not not guilty take it for free right anyway this psychic this nameless psychic was on recently this is compete Schuster was on a couple of days before me in the theater somewhere right and died died roaring couldn't do it genuinely at the point of the audience turned the audience were just looking at her going you can't do this you're actually bad at this right so you can't and they started taking the just taking the Mickey I started going give me an N here meaning give me a woman's name Tracy perfect Tracy let's call it Tracy right Tracy and the and the oil is that going Tracy what about my mother and Tracy go is she dead and they go No and the other voice on Tracy what about my sister and you were goes she dead it would an invasion was Tracy what about my father she goes is he dead and there it goes yeah I knew at all H now something is coming through something is coming through and the voice goes I know he's here sorry did you celebrate the tiny victories which I applaud I'm a great man for the tiny victories I love those victory my favorite thing about a tiny victory is if you achieve one run away savor the moment and get out of there don't let anyone take it away from you I was at a party is a years ago back at home in Dublin and there's a girl there and she's obviously an ambassador's daughter oh you know her parents were international engineers or expats of some description somebody made the mistake of going marry have you ever lived outside of Ireland and she launched into a huge long list of places oh we lived in Kenya for a while then Tanzania then Calcutta oh the contrasts then Delhi then Durban then Peru now we live in Prague but we summer in Milan don't get her in a very Irish kind of a good for you you [ __ ] [ __ ] so what is lean inward wow it must be great to be part of a circus family and immediately ran away as quickly as possible and she's a good nor my father was a oh you're a bastard he's been the entire rest of the party you're sneaking up behind her and going running away again my favorite thing too though my favorite thing I was hosting an awards and Dublin was called the Irish internet Awards and I find the whole internet industry very exciting and very interesting in many many ways not least the job how many of you work in IT for example you do my friend referred how are you good to have you here right ok granny what's your job title you're a developer seats beautiful is that it's full of amazing [ __ ] job titles that didn't exist 10 20 years ago you're a developer for Christ's sake do you have a webmaster in the office yeah of course he did yeah webmaster is my favorite of all of those walking around the office going I am a webmaster master of the web feel the power of my firewall if it is not actually a wall of fire no it is more of a protocol for email anyway nobody our webmaster I am NOT social situation master no I can't do that although I love talking to women master no there are too many variables in that situation as well like that's and my favorite thing about your industry by the way is solutions you do love the solutions to each other you know where they take when your computer's not working and you kind of go ah ah gee there's not working get the guy and the one of you people arrives in in a cape going I am a solution provider you your problem provider back away problem provider you would not understand my solution it is so technical for you get out get out of the room do not look at the computer your eyes hurt the computer you get nothing uh have they got lovely control-alt-delete you you

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 120,477

Rating: 4.9244447 out of 5

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, Sitcom, Comedian, Comic, Sketch show, dara obriain, dara obriain video games, dara obriain science, dara obriain live, dara obrien, live at the apollo best moments, live at the apollo, comedy stand up, irish

Id: 3oj0O9aOHNI

Length: 19min 45sec (1185 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 10 2020