Comedians Roasting Dara Ó Briain

okay john's story struck me during the week this you may you may not have seen when it was a story in ireland in the evening herald in dublin last week and it's got quite a moving story about alzheimer's disease uh it was yeah and the story basically was being a big head may be good for you scientists found that large-headed individuals with alzheimer's have better memory and thinking skills than sufferers with small heads all of which is quite interesting next paragraph i found difficult to take people with larger than average heads like comedians appear to be appear to be better protected if they develop alzheimer's disease as studies suggest now that would be all right it wasn't for that the article actually came with a giant photograph of me next to the outfit under the word big heads have protected your back written underneath that we're going to think that was extra-large conan report is good news for daryl green no it's not it's not good news because i suddenly realized i've got a big head of [Applause] herself us from the alzheimer's i forget about it back in canada i did some modeling it was for medical it was for penile dysfunction it was a before and after picture this is the street i can't get but i didn't model i don't model for big head yet i don't regard myself as having a large i don't have difficulty buying hats uh i don't have to be getting into jumpers uh it is my head cost me when did those three guys get here to be fair a big head doesn't normally cause the owner a problem it causes the owner's mother a problem have you ever seen darwin smaller than my hips for god's sake your head is smaller than your hips what kind of shape are you your penis of course my head is smaller than my hip dora dora look at me i'm smaller than your hips look at me oh you're weird look at me look at me i'm going to take you to a hall of mirrors and show you how you should look it's not the kids it's fine your head is absolutely enormous in fact on a normal sized head that would be a full head of hair so the good thing is are you not staying in my house tonight when dora opens an umbrella it's like one of those cocktails it's put in context how big it is dara it has its own gravitational field it's pulled in an entire planet this desk was straight when we started i was expecting sympathy that's why i introduced it yeah what i did was i said something about i revealed a weakness in front of six comedians and i thought there's a group that'll help me through i i think of you all the friends i don't think of you as comedians can i just say at this point that i can't do an impression of david cameron i don't think anybody can and in fact i think i was only asked on this program it's like it's dara actually it was a problem earlier in a week the jar was nothing very well so they said uh together raised by terry wogan anyway don't worry we won't let him insult you like that again why does that that that company i'm gonna give him the free ad that company who does an antidote of shampoo which you all know you say the word anti-dandruff shampoo and being why they even spend money who goes maybe i'll have a competing anti-dandruff shampoo for my child there's one who makes it some of us dara are still worrying about dandruff it's an [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] it's not going to sell very well in ireland is it i'm guessing yeah do you have a problem with my accent yes i can see that [Music] [Applause] the answer is seven months what is the question is it how long it takes dara to start a sentence what's this britain's got talent knows what are you doing hey obviously people may know me from the poem [Music] basically when i get the end of my sentences i slow down like the candy chief i really haven't got over that britain's got talent thing you brought it up out of nowhere two weeks on the road i would continue to until they hunt that man down and kill him it wasn't the fact that he did is the fact that it was a snippet that they chose in the in all the acts they said that would they take one second from each act and here's just get him going underneath okay i know there's more to me than that is there no seemingly nice if you put a head on someone else's body yeah are heads gender specific did i have to go on the same oh that's a very interesting question because i was thinking you'd have to find the match when you sometimes the head is much too large for a body so for example if your head right was i would be having some confusing feelings looking at that [Laughter] superhero mashup toys things you wouldn't hear on a survival show this is the most terrifying animal you can see in the wild it has the body of posh spice the answer is one-third what is the question is it according to legend how much of you is your head yes it should be noted think of a fraction sounds funny if you say it with an irish accent yeah that's exactly what it's raising you to do yes is one third what a funny country [Music] has anyone ever made a doll of you for christmas [Music] because now i think they would be they would that would be yeah just an entire there's no you look so big there's probably another person inside of you in other news what type of unusual theme park did president vladimir putin open recently i'm sorry about the rotten doll thing dog just let it go put it on again oh you look you look funny you look funny do the thing where you look funny again you know when you made you look like the guy from back of a [ __ ] bus and for three years everyone sends you photographs of a cartoon man on the back of the book every day on twitter hey there i saw you in manchester day huh click up bollocks again do that with an eye patch and then for years every eye patch person in the universe i will get sent him on twitter happy there i think i got my nose is that all right i hurt my nose oh wow it looks like i'm wearing a g-string [Applause] if the marketing people are clever that bloke on the back of the megabus is going to have an eye patch by next week [Applause] there's a general kind of i was in europe last week was in gigs in in brussels and and holland and there's a general liner there's a general sense of why they don't get it they're like what you're a comedy yeah unlikely things to hear in hospital now we're going to need to put you to sleep so i've got two tickets to see darrow brienne live in belgium [Music] the good news is we're ready to take you into theater the bad news is it's a theater in brussels big thanks by the way to everyone watching the show last week who um spotted a flight under my head in the middle of the show which a lot of people sent me on twitter twitter you know in the way those lots of people just i'm laughing at the comments that you're making you ha when a fly lands on my head and that's all i've heard of the entire show literally no joke was noticed by anyone other than people trying to screen grab that descendant to me why did you not what has happened to your central nervous system that you were unaware that a fly had landed on you it was it was a fly hue rather than it wasn't like a gazelle i think it's more reminiscent of a little bird on the back of a hippo do you think i am in a symbiotic relationship the fly cleans me yeah i exchange you i don't kill or eat the fly has become highly desirable because of the voters of the eu irish passports yeah one of these one of these baby i know pretty sweet my friends until now though it's been pointless having an irish passport because they don't let you on a plane drunk anyway you weren't elected were you to this position i stole it in a bloody coop yeah and you do it again people have disappeared from the show miles and wood again for raising those exact kind of questions well i'm just i'm just saying where's russell now gone you will be dragged through the street and you will be dragged through the streets like gaddafi then they'll be laughing oh there are five regulars on this show how many regulars now just poor weak hugh in other news i think you're terrific on the mega bus sir and there goes the final regular just me people oh you're right i'm gonna cough them up so yeah i'll ask the question again shall i yes rather than dying of pleurisy there all hands pick up god i hope you don't die it's gonna be awful uh in the next while then you go oh my no we never asked [Applause] 2016 another great gone the only thing i'm thinking is then i will have won i feel bad about not knowing this except it is a children's book 40 pages into book one not yourself i'm not going deep on order of the phoenix here whereas whereas something like robot wars is really adult the answer is 18 billion what is the question how many virgins watch robot wars oh wow okay attack him carbide the nerf gun is 64 quid and you could go to america and buy a gun for less than that actually it's like it's a ludicrously scary thing the nerf gun this is there's three things you can do right you can do this big one here jason nerf is how i did this to my eyes i just wanted it unlikely lines from a horror film oh my god everybody run oh no it's just some fat prick with a nerf gun [Applause] i think you mean a broken nerf gun for example this [ __ ] shouldn't do this [Applause] you look like the bloke from the incredibles i think the bendy [Applause] there's a touch of the minions about you i can't be both gru and the minions [Laughter] a master plan quite a screw thing the answer is six what is the question is it the number of times my father has referred to this show as mock of the week today i'm telling you it is literally written behind me people go oh yeah i know you you're on mock of the week really really read it read it [ __ ] read it from it is it that your head looks like a no thing again right did i say large i was referring to the baldness okay those are that will be mock owed the week like you of all people etc paddy what's going on here is this what boris found when he used a coat hanger to unclog his shower oh that's very yeah it's hairy his hair people it's just reality you know dark how did donald trump react to north korea's latest missile test well he called him he called kim jong-un rocket man yes and which must be those nicknames are really annoying aren't they don't you think science guys thank you was your nickname at school it truly was uh it was baldy [Music] i did not look like a 45 year old man at school [Applause] um what bit of new york is that that's no no that's because the rocket will also go to mars oh that's mars yeah this is why you're the science guy in it yeah new york and mars okay that's the move that's the moon you know i know it's the moon because you can see earth just behind us right so that's the moon [Music] teach me more about science where to begin tell us more about if you can get your lips off brian cox's butt things you didn't hear at the olympics and it's gold for ireland [Applause] and no no i'm not letting you off for the last ireland joke you're not getting on again for the rest of the show you are not doing another one for the rest of the show all right and here it comes two days and it was after i heard the buzzer that i realized there was one thing i hadn't heard at the olympics right was [ __ ] it things you're unlikely to hear on a quiz show and your question is on celebrities what jocular iris host of the popular show mock the week is known by his friends as dobby for his uncanny resemblance to the house elf in harry potter things you won't hear in a gardening program in a garden it's who's blocking my light dara could you just [Applause] unlikely lines from children's books once upon a time in a far away land there was a handsome young prince named dara [Applause] unlikely things to hear in a restaurant wow thanks for picking up the bill dara unlikely things to hear at an awards ceremony and the winner is dar o'brien things you wouldn't hear on a consumer program dear watchdog these sausages are inedible i don't know what it is they look like someone off the telly next topic is the next topic is sausage things you didn't hear at the olympics and that's yet another gold medal for ireland [Music] [Music] one thing i grew tired of was the canadian national anthem uh unlikely things to hear on crime watch police describe the man as looking a bit like a penis a bit like a sausage things you wouldn't hear on a science documentary in our next experiment we're going to prove that putting dara breen in a room full of young people still doesn't make science interesting [Music] so this is amazing right so what you're saying is that somewhere professor cox in a parallel universe there is a me with hair that's right [Applause] unlikely things to hear on daytime tv and now a trip around dar o'brien's head in hair hunters [Applause] unlikely things to hear on a history documentary so it's on this very spot that dara o'brien once turned down television work you have no idea of the choices i've made unlikely things to hear on crime watch sometimes victims of crime don't even know they've been robbed because they use the items taken so infrequently take dara o'brien burglars stole his legs six months ago unlikely film trailers despicable me 3 now starring as the arch villain grew dora obrien [Applause] came here here at the world cup it's the first time that most people have ever seen dora's legs ladies and gentlemen i'll put them on into you and i'm not the i'm being irish [Applause] [Music] things you wouldn't hear on a science documentary well we could ask a proper scientist about this or we could ask dar o'brien hello my name's dara brynn and to try and bring science to the masses i'm going to appear in a program with stephen hawking wearing a ridiculous hat [Music] just enough with just you know i love that hat by the way hello i'm dora breen and i've got a massive head and a massive brain but all i get to do in this bit is just press a little button mr o'brien i award you a phd phenomenal head dara i would just like to say that i think dara brian's a legend i work with dara o'brien and today my experiment is to turn this joke into a p-45 lines you wouldn't hear in a kids film half grizzly bear and half buffalo the gruffalo was the biggest scariest animal in the whole wood until one day he got a job presenting mock the week [Music] things you wouldn't hear on a fitness dvd hello i'm daryl o'brien unlikely things for a continuity announcer to say next up the 40 year old virgin oh sorry robot wars now ladies you know what time it is time to pour yourself a glass of wine light some candles cause next up it's darrow brian's go 8-bit that is that is unlikely ed correct

Channel: Yklong

Views: 1,158,775

Rating: 4.9027009 out of 5

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Id: aHXb3p4FzR8

Length: 27min 11sec (1631 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 30 2020