Dangerous Extremes in Communication | Marriage Today | Jimmy Evans

number three dysfunctional type of communication is silent silence this is emotional starvation and this takes place in several ways one is is punishing silence means going to bed on anger I'm gonna this is what I did now when Karen and I got married I would verbally abuse her and then I would go silent for two or three days or four days at a time and a punishing it was very very dysfunctional by the way when you go to bed on anger the Bible says in Ephesians 4 you give the devil a foothold the word is Diablos that means slander as soon as you go to bed on anger the devil interprets your spouse's behavior to you and the next morning when you wake up that anger is not only more deeply embedded inside of you but you have the interpretation that your spouse is out to get you the devil hates your marriage he hates every relationship that you're in and he uses every opportunity to accuse you to others and others to you and unresolved anger is his number-one entry point into our lives so this punishing silence it doesn't harm our spouse as much as our harms us and the entire relationship another thing is just nonverbal kind of people now typically this would be a man I know some women are more nonverbal but typically this would be a man who's nonverbal I had it I had a couple in counseling when I first started in pre marriage counseling and this man didn't talk and I'm saying that in the pre marriage counseling sessions that we had I don't think he said more than 10 sentences I just couldn't make him and I tried and every time I ask him a question she answered it and she loved talk and they divorced later on I mean I kept saying to him why can't you talk and he would just kind of stop and and not talk well later on I mean he just emotionally starved her out even though she ignored it at first if you're if you're a nonverbal person the chances are there some damage there there's there's a reason from your past hurt from your mother hurt from your father you know shame abuse something you might be a naturally kind of a quiet person anyway but what you need to realize is you have to learn to communicate it's the lifeline of marriage it's one of the greatest needs that a woman has a woman's need for open and honest communication is profound as a man's need for sex and men can understand how how profound their need for sex is and if your wife doesn't give you sex how much that hurts that's what she feels like when you don't talk to her because women are three times more verbal than men and they need more words than we need I say this to men all the time do you want your wife to have sex with you every time she feels like it and you're saying no no really I really want her to take one for the team and being more sexual than she feels okay well the question is do you think she wants you to talk when you feel like it because you wouldn't talk very often because we don't have the same need and so if you're a quiet type of a man you need to understand you're emotionally starving your wife need to talk we need to we need to talk don't don't use punishing silence and don't just think that she needs too much communication it's an e number for public communication and that is revealing details about your spouse in public either innocently not understanding that it's violating them and men are very emotionally modest men will not share openly if they feel like you're going to tell your friends about it or your family members about men are very emotionally modest the second thing is some people go out into public to get their spouse back and I had an aunt and uncle that every time you got around them they were always hammering each other in public and there just needs to be a code that we have and that is if I have anything say to you I'm going to say it to you in private but when we go out in public I will always honor you in front of our friends and family I'm never going to uncover you unless it's damaged unless there's something that you're doing that is a destructive behavior and we're doing it for the sake of intervention in and love number five is sarcastic and sarcastic communication always includes anger always does you know when you're teasing in marriage it's funny you're teasing each other you're just kind of you know you know having fun and going back and forth there's not a victim and afterwards there's not any ill-will whatsoever but sarcasm is an illegitimate form of communication again I want to say we live in a sarcastic society a smart-aleck sarcastic society and we just have to say to ourselves it doesn't matter how funny it is it doesn't matter if comedians do it it doesn't matter who else does it it's wrong and it hurts my spouse sarcasm thank you for joining us experience the life-changing series sex love and communication on CD or dvd follow your interests and get social by connecting with Jimmy and Karen and the ministry of marriage today on Twitter marriage today's latest book lifelong love affair is 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Channel: MarriageToday

Views: 31,947

Rating: 4.9454298 out of 5

Keywords: marriage, divorce, relationships, counseling, Christian, relationship help, Jimmy Evans, sex, love, communication, Silence, silent, public, sarcasm

Id: tt-MMaR3vQs

Length: 5min 42sec (342 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 11 2012