Daddy Issues

to say that someone has daddy issues is a somewhat rude and humiliating way of alluding to a very understandable longing for a father who is strong and wise who is judicious kind perhaps at point stuff but always fair and ultimately always on our side it would be so understandable if we were to feel we wanted someone like this in our lives especially at moments of confusion chaos the longing for a strong father has been a recurring theme throughout history most religions have conceived of their central divinities as male parents in ancient Greece Zeus was described as the father of men and gods in Christianity God was the Heavenly Father in Germanic mythology Odin was the all-father the father of all other gods the longing has been no less present in secular culture in the u.s. the individuals who led the war of independence and drew up the Constitution came to be known as the founding fathers Garibaldi that dignified and authoritative man who fought for the unification of Italy in the 19th century earned himself the title of the father of the fatherland in early childhood we are all immensely weak and in need of protection we can't understand the world we're so fragile we could be killed by a moderately sized dog so much feels mysterious and outside of our control a hunger for a daddy is in the circumstances wholly natural a grown man inevitably and rightly seems immensely impressive to a small child they appear to know everything the capital of New Zealand how to drive a car how to say a few words in a foreign language how to peel the avocado they go to bed mysteriously late they're up before you in a swimming pool you can put your arms around their neck and rest on their back they once kicked a football so high you nearly couldn't see it it's beyond astonishing when one is for the paradox of daddy issues is that those who have them are almost always people who didn't have very good fathers when they were small perhaps one's father was but ultimately cruel bullying or disinterested perhaps he was more concerned with another sibling or with his work perhaps he wasn't around much left the house after a divorce or died young the adult longing for a father is not the result of having had a good father in childhood it's a consequence of abandonment the longing can incline us to some tricky patterns of behavior however mature and skeptical we may be in most areas in relation to the idea of male protection we remain a little like the young child we once were and haven't been allowed to mature away from we secretly yearn for a man to step in and fulfill an unquenched fantasy role they'll take charge they'll make the big decisions they'll be tough and certain to make our problems go away they'll make sure the money side of things is sorted they'll get angry and aggressive with anyone who hurts us they'll be proud of us and love us as we are we'll be looking out for daddies and friendships at work and not least in politics the danger is that these daddies may in the end hugely damage our trust for it isn't in anyone's power to us wage the sort of longings we bring to bear on them they may know very well what we want and naively or cynically promised to provide it for us but gradually too late we stand to realize that they had a thousand flaws as we all do we may realize that they're bullying rather than noble that our enemies haven't gone away that they couldn't help us but there isn't in fact enough money in the world to do what they promised and that in fact they didn't really love us at all the fantasy daddy figure of adulthood isn't in fact a good father for one big reason truly good humans no they aren't that powerful and are happy to admit to the fact cleanly and honestly just as soon as we're ready to take the news which is normally when we're around 12 years old and conscious of new powers and capacities a good father doesn't beyond that age pretend to be all-powerful they confess they can't solve all our problems and can't magically save us from a myriad of dangers no matter how much I wish they could the good daddy disappoints us just as soon as we're strong enough to bear reality out of love they deflate the idea that there could ever be a perfect ideal daddy they try as best they can to help us grow up if we encounter someone who has daddy issues the temptation is to get frustrated to tell them to mature to mock them and in particular to poke fun at the particular daddy figure they might have identified this isn't either a very wise or ultimately a very kind strategy it simply tends to entrench their devotion because whenever we're attacked we of course feel ever more intensity than ever the need for the protection of an idealized father what we really need to help us out of our daddy issues is something more like the actions of a genuinely good father someone who acknowledges our suffering and our fears who deeply wants what's best for us and isn't reluctant to say so but who at the same time out of love wants to help us to come to terms with a messy and essentially disappointing world a man who out of love would encourage us to be independent and specifically not to fantasize that anyone however outwardly imposing can ever do the impossible good daddies allow us to bear the truth that there are in the end no daddies we love bringing you these films if you want to help us to keep bringing you thoughtful content please consider supporting us by visiting our shop at the link on your screen now you

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 1,822,093

Rating: 4.8996077 out of 5

Keywords: the school of life, school, life, education, relationships, mood, alain de botton, sermon, philosophy, lecture, wisdom, talk, secular, self, improvement, curriculum, big questions, love, mindfullness, psychology, Alain, de, botton, of, how, to, hack, daddy issues, parents, support, insults, independence, maturity, parental guidance, how to be grown up, PL-Self, मनोविज्ञान, Psychologie, 心理学, psicología, psicologia, Reife, 到期, maturité, परिपक्वता, des relations, Relaciones, Beziehungen, 关系, रिश्तों, Relacionamentos

Id: aQAXMyAnWuk

Length: 6min 14sec (374 seconds)

Published: Fri May 05 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/BigOldQueer]

Great video. Only relate partially because I did have an absent father, but it's caused me to be more independent as an adult, and I seek out the dominant role in relationships. Still just as emotionally insecure tho, haha

[u/[deleted]]

This is pretty relatable indeed. I have a great father, but he's really quiet and distant from me and my brother, or from pretty much anyone. He rarely ever bothered to ask me if I had issues, he wasn't into teaching me cool things and I rarely saw him being joyous of my presence. My mother did to me a mother and father figure at the same time, most of the time, but I still wish I had the type of cool father I bet most kids would want to have.

I believe many of the issues I have, like paranoia and confidence issues, come from lack of dialogue from him and my main family. I take my dad as an example of what not to be if I ever become a father in 10, 20 years, and what to be on the things he does right.

That's why now that I'm much more independent, I don't follow the traits of my roots. I try to be as passionate and fun as possible, and I don't try to overthink things, even though I let it slide sometimes. I am slowly becoming what my father or my parents would not expect me to be in their minds, and that's for the best.

[u/[deleted]]

Tough to watch....