A Test to Judge How Good Your Parents Were

strangely and rather awkwardly it seems that no human being can ever really grow up sane unless it's been loved very deeply by somebody else for a number of years in its early life but we're still learning what good parents might actually be like how good were yours here are eight principles of good parenting that you might use to grade them a loving parent gets down to the child's level at times literally dropping down to their height when addressing them in order to see the world through their eyes they understand that a very young child can't easily fit in with external demands and that in the early days they must be prioritized and placed at the center of things not in order to spoil them but in order to give them a chance to grow loving parents understand that their young offsprings lives revolve around details that are by any adult measure very minor toddlers will feel enormous ly happy because they can dig their nails into some putty or have a chance to whack their spoon into some peas with energy or say bar very loudly and they will feel extremely sad because pet rabbit lost one of its buttons or a page in a favorite book now has a tear in it the good enough parent feels sufficiently resourceful inside not to hold it against the child that it's making a very big deal out of so-called nothing it will follow the child in its excitement over a puddle and in its grief over an uncomfortable sock it will understand that the child's future ability to be considerate to other people and to handle genuine disasters will be critically dependent on having had an ample fill of sympathy for a range of age-appropriate sorrows a loving parent will know how to put the best possible interpretation on behavior that might seem to others to be pretty unfortunate the small child isn't just a troublemaker but it has of course been very upset by the arrival of a sibling it isn't antisocial but it does find a small circle of familiar people especially soothing it isn't a nightmare but it does surely need to go to bed pretty soon this capacity for imaginative kindly explanations will go on to mold the workings of the child's own conscience it will learn the art of self forgiveness it won't have to torture itself for its mistakes it won't suffer the ravages of self-loathing or ever when it messes up badly be tempted to take its own life the loving parent will feel sufficiently sane to allow a child to be a bit weird for a while knowing that so-called weird is actually part of normal development it won't get flustered that the child has decided to pretend it's an animal or wants to eat only red colored foods or has an imaginary friend living in the tree at the end of the garden the adult will have faith in sanity emerging and in the wisdom of exploring a lot of possible options before choosing to settle on reason it will be able to remain calm over some intense Tantrums and obsessions it won't need to shut down irreverence at every turn it will be patient around low moods and unruffled by adolescents earliness if a parent won't assign labels of a child that might fix it in a role it was only trying out it will be weary of telling a child that it is the angry one the little philosopher or even the kind one it will allow the child the luxury of picking its own identity the good parent knows that children may well cling for a long time and will never dismiss this natural need for reassurance in pejorative terms it won't tell the child to buck up and be a a good little man or a nice young lady who can make me proud it will know that those who end up securely attached and able to tolerate absence are those who were originally allowed to have as much dependence and connection as they needed there will be few requests to be brave at the school gates a good parent won't set themselves up as an impossibly glamorous or remote figure someone whom the child may be tempted to idealize and ruminate over from afar they will know how to be present and very ordinary around the house dignified perhaps but also on occasion bratty forgetful silly and greedily keen to have too much dessert the good parent will know that parental quirks and flaws are there to remind a child to reconcile itself to its own humanity and also eventually to leave home and get on with their own lives a good parent will know how to appear very boring it will understand that what a child chiefly needs is a source of reliable calm not fireworks and excitement it has enough of these inside its own mind it should be there in the same place saying more or less the same things for decades it should take care to be predictable and to edit out at surprising moods the child doesn't need a full picture of every perturbance and temptation coursing through its carers Minds the parent accepts that mummy or daddy are roles not full representations it should be the privilege of every child not to have to know its parents in complete detail the good parent isn't looking for a balanced relationship it's happy to give unilaterally it doesn't need to be asked how its day was or what it thinks of the government's new policy on insurance it knows that a child should be able to take a parent substantially for granted the parents reward for all their work won't ever be direct it will arrive by noting in many years time that their child has just developed into a very good parent themselves put simply love is the considerate tender hugely patient behavior displayed by an adult over many years towards a child who cannot help but be largely out of control confused frustrating and bewildered all in order that this child might over time grow into an adult who can take its place in society without too much of a loss of spontaneity without too much terror and with a basic trust in its own capacities and chances of fulfillment it should be a matter of global consternation that despite our many advances we are still only at the dawn of knowing how to ensure that we all have the loving childhoods we deserve how to overcome your childhood is a book that teaches us how character is developed the concept of emotional inheritance the formation of our concepts of being good or bad and the impact of parental styles of love on the way we choose adult partners

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 2,147,315

Rating: 4.9057293 out of 5

Keywords: the school of life, schooloflife, education, relationships, alain de botton, philosophy, talk, self, improvement, big questions, love, wellness, psychology, how, to, parents, a test, how good were your parents, good and bad parents, nature vs nurture, YT-SELF, Una prueba para juzgar cuán buenos eran tus padres, जज के लिए एक परीक्षा कि आपके माता-पिता कितने अच्छे थे, 判断您的父母状况如何的测试, toxic family, mental health, emotional abuse, attachment theory, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment

Id: 6fZXxu8AcTA

Length: 7min 37sec (457 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 08 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/artorienstein24]

What every parent should aspire TO be*

Apologies, posting from my phone.

[u/JoeWaffles234]

I watched it, and my mother fit in with the first two requirements but that's it. The rest she believes aren't important enough to do with your child, it's honestly sad

[u/larrythe_fisherman]

This was life changing. Thank you.

[u/maymayiscraycray]

My mom basically skipped all of that, and was such a nervous nelly that she now worries about how I’m raising my own daughter. I plan on raising my baby the way I’m supposed to

[u/sophiebyherself]

Following these guidelines for my mom would never be enough. My mom needs Jesus; she has Satan in her 🙄