Dad & His New Wife Demand I Quit Job To Babysit Their Newborn Because It's My Duty To Help Them

serious what's your most recent family drama okay so i'm 19 female and my dad and his wife have been talking about wanting a kid together for a couple of years and last year they finally went through ivf and she's due in june yay i'm a full-time university student i've been living at home with them and leading up to their decision my dad was constantly asking if i was okay with having a sibling to be honest i didn't feel it was my place to even say anything they're a couple and if they want a kid then cool anyway about three to four months or so ago my dad started making jokes about delegating the sucky jobs to me like diaper changing and staying up till the insane hours of the morning with him and babysitting etc and i left a lot of it off because he has a very strange sense of humor but in the last month or so he started getting annoyed when i did it wasn't until one day we had a conversation about the baby being a handful and he said well since you don't have to pay board and only work three days a week you can just quit your job and babysit so we can have a break of course i thought this was a joke because there's no way he could be serious but then he got mad and said well you will have to look after him he's your brother and this is how family works now this didn't sit right with me and so i said no i still have expenses like my phone bill paying for transport to get to uni and work and the fact that i have a student loan he didn't really respond and just walked away ever since he's been saying stuff like you can afford to take a couple of days off uni if we need it right and this is what being an adult is about you look after family don't you love your brother i've honestly gotten really sick of the expectation that since they're having a kid i have to drop everything for it so they can have a break i believe once you create that responsibility you don't get a break for 18 years and if i wanted to parent a child and put my life on hold i would have made the same decision my mother did and would have had one too young we have a very rocky relationship if any at all till now i have put my foot down that it's not my kid and not my responsibility and i'm happy to help out as long as it suits my work and uni schedule but the rest of my family have started calling me a brat and that family looks after each other since my parents were super young when they had me they had so much help from my grandparents and aunt that i almost considered myself raised by them rather than my own parents from this i kind of feel like my dad's expecting this to happen again with my brother i always believed i was in the right but now my entire family is disagreeing with me even my aunt who is always the voice of reason and now i'm wondering if i am being selfish so i am a 22 female living independently before i get into it i just want to give a bit of backstory i was adopted as a baby by my adoptive parents and raised believing that my bio dad abandoned me when he found out my bio mom was pregnant and that my bio mom gave me up because she was too young for a baby i had a hard childhood as my parents never wanted to discuss my adoption and would get very uncomfortable if i brought it up and sometimes very angry and start shouting if i talked about finding out more about my biological family and would always say things like aren't we enough they abandoned you and we raised you my adoptive dad also struggled with anger issues and would yell at me a lot so we have a strained relationship but he tries to stay close my adoptive mom is always calling me and wanting to stay in my life as well they're nice but can be angry and guilt-trip me a lot into doing what they want now when i was 18 i decided i wanted to find out more about my biological family and i searched for them using some documents i found plus the help of my aunt i did find my biological dad which confused me as they said that he abandoned me and didn't want anything to do with me i told my parents and they screamed at me and scared me so much and told me that my bio mom put whatever name she could think of on my birth certificate and that he did abandon me and that i was horrible for doing this behind their backs and that they should be enough they made me promise to never reach out and that he wasn't my bio dad i did what they said and didn't contact him as i believed them well when i was 20 i decided to look him up again and found his facebook and saw that he posted birthday posts on my birthday wishing his daughter a happy birthday and a few other posts about birth parents this felt like enough information plus his pictures that it was him and i reached out he was overjoyed and very excited and emotional to talk after texting back and forth with him skirting questions about the adoption we decided to meet in person as he didn't live that far away when we met up it was very emotional and we talked for hours he eventually told me that he wasn't told he had a child and that he found out that he did after the adoption he petitioned for a paternity test and it was positive but they didn't give him custody as i was 13 months old at this point he was heartbroken and tried to set up visitation but my adoptive parents denied him and that was that i felt so betrayed and disgusted with my adoptive parents and i felt like they kept me from my bio dad i don't know how to move past this i also found out who my bio mom is but she passed away a few years ago my bio dad said that she was forced into the adoption by her parents and that she would have loved to meet me i've been so upset and heartbroken ever since finding all of this out i decided to confront my parents with this information and they at first denied it and told me he just wanted money he never asked and all he wants is a relationship but eventually my mom broke and said that they raised me first and that they wanted a baby for so long after dealing with infertility and that they didn't want to lose me they also aren't supportive of the relationship with my bio dad i am unsure now how to move forward i've met my bio dad's wife and their two kids who have embraced me into their family and are both lovely people my adoptive parents are constantly calling and leaving either rude messages or guilting me and making me feel bad for doing this i don't know what to do i can't get over all of these feelings of being taken away and denied a relationship with my bio dad my extended adoptive family has reached out to call me names and tell me what a horrible person i am as well basically what happened is read my sister's blog it was sent to me by a friend of mine who was asking if one of the characters was me spoiler alert it was me it's a couple years old and really popular she doesn't use our family's real names but they are all very similar and use the same first letter so think real names katie julia marissa and brad then the fake names being kathy june marnie and bob it's descriptive enough of our lives and what we do for work that my friend identified me from it it's mostly about her and her life but there is still a lot about us a year ago i had a termination it was during the lowest point in my life so far and only she and my husband knew about it she swore to me that she would take the secret to her grave yeah she dedicated a whole entry to it a couple of months ago she and her husband got laid off due to world events i run my own business that wasn't really affected and i offered her a job there to help her out she's not qualified in my field so i essentially made up a position for her so she could have a steady paycheck she basically does data entry and other random tasks online from her home her blog since then has basically centered on how much she hates it she called it demeaning work and says a bunch of nonsense about how i obviously don't respect her intelligence i say this is nonsense because one she would need years of training to work any of the open positions two i told her what she would do when i offered it and she gushed about how grateful she was and that i was really helping her i called her and told her what i had read and how hurt i was her defense is that her blog is her online diary where she vents and that i should know not to take any of it personally she actually had the gall to tell me that she is hurt that i read it apparently the right thing to do was ignore it i told her off for telling the internet my secrets and dragging me online where i could be and was found by people who know me she just said she did all her due diligence by changing the names and it wasn't her fault my friend found it we argued for a bit it got increasingly heated and i fired her i told her that if she couldn't apologize or see how she was wrong here then she wasn't who i thought she is and she could find a job where she felt more respected it's been a week and i haven't spoken to her at all her husband has been contacting me on her behalf trying to get her job back as they need the money he claims she is sorry but i think if she was then she could tell me herself my own husband is telling me that i am overreacting and that she's family and i should just forget it i don't agree my father got remarried to his affair partner in february she is heavily pregnant with his kid and due any day my mom was destroyed by the affair since my dad forced her to give up her education to raise us kids and he would always get jealous and refuse to let her work even when she wanted to after we were grown up my mom has just hit 50 and she laments that she wasted her life on a loser who ended up ruining their family my dad has destroyed my mom for over 30 years keeping her in a desperately sad marriage and he and his new wife go out of their way to taunt my mom i hate my dad with a passion and have basically locked him out of my life i haven't spoken to him since their divorce i went over to my grandma's house to drop off an ipad so she can stay in touch with the family when i saw his new wife trying to get down my grandma's very steep stairs she had obviously been there for some reason i waited at the bottom of the stairs for her to climb down but she was without my dad and kept wobbling everywhere she probably couldn't see her feet and she kept stopping she started crying halfway down and saying i bet you're enjoying watching this go and tell your mom you saw me suffer so you two witches can laugh about it together etc etc i was getting no enjoyment from her suffering i just couldn't even bear to want to help her or be near her she has called my mom every name under the sun why am i going to help you eventually she got down the stairs and left she was driving even though i'm pretty sure she shouldn't have been my grandma asked why i didn't help she had been watching this from the window and i said why on earth should i help her she laid in to me that i'm a heartless idiot and that woman is carrying my sibling like it means anything to me or like i cared she kept repeating it was basically decency that i should have helped but i feel like it's obvious there's so much anger there that it's best we just keep away from each other when i female 21 was younger my father died of cancer it was absolutely devastating for me my world ended that day i loved him so much he was the absolute best after that it never was the same in my life i changed completely cried for months went quiet barely left the house anymore even to this day i am still going to therapy my mother on the other hand moved on pretty quickly which was the cause for many conflicts between us she met a new man and married him he is a nice guy we mostly get along but i just can't see him as my father for me he is the husband of my mom and that is something that he absolutely dislikes worst part is i can even somewhat understand that but i just can't help it he constantly demanded me to call him dad until my therapist we also go to family therapy sessions there asked him to stop he even tried to adopt me at some point so that my father's name would not show up anymore now to the story because of the crisis that is going on in the world i had to leave my college dorm because they closed it i moved back to my mom and her husband when i unpacked some of my stuff in my old room he came in and saw that i placed my beloved picture of me and my dad on my nightstand the only one i still have mom threw most of them away it's very old but i take it everywhere i go all the time i can literally not sleep if it's not there he started joking still have that photo huh you should forget him already otherwise all that money for therapy that we spend was wasted get over it you're a grown adult now he was grabbing the photo and it seemed like he wanted to throw it in the trash bin although he denied this i was feeling like crap already because i lost my student job and more importantly because it was around the time of my dad's birthday but that sent me over the edge i absolutely flipped and screamed shut up shut up shut up give it back please please don't throw it away i jumped on him took the photo out of his hand and started crying hard he laughed very angrily and went to tell my mom she is now very upset with me she says that i make him feel not included all the time and that it is unfair for him to be reminded of my father in his own house she said that it's time for me to accept that he is my father but i can't make him feel like my dad because that would be betrayal to my father i went to him and apologized for my behavior but he told me until you can't see me as your dad nothing changes for me they don't really speak to me right now they almost ignore me i don't know what i should do now everything sounds bad update thanks for all the kindness guys after this absolute breakdown i went out of there kinda ran away but that is not a solution so i went back today we all went on a really really long walk my mom said that it maybe could help us understand each other better they apologized infinitely to me mom's husband said that he did not intend to hurt me but he was selfish for only seeing his feelings in the matter all the time he wanted me as his child so badly because he himself can't have kids but his mom always pressured him to have grandkids he always felt like he was not a real man and like an absolute loser because of it i did not know this mom said that she loved dad to the gods his death was really hard for her that's true mom was in therapy as well she said that she threw most of his stuff away because she can't see his face anymore it hurt her too much she tried to kind of erase him to forget her pain and wanted to seem like a strong parent figure to be a guardian for my depressed self i guess i never saw it this way she did not move on quickly she wanted to give me a feeling of normality although i doubt that is a healthy way of dealing with this her new husband was the one that brought light back into her life which is true she is so much happier than after my dad's death i told them my side of the story and for the first time i think they really listened we hugged really long and cried for a while the problem in this case was that we have issues in ourselves that although we were in therapy we only combat it alone i don't know what the future will bring us but i think we made some progress when my daughter was a year old she was diagnosed to have a squint strabismus and later on lazy eye caused by her squint she got glasses and the doctors gave my husband and i an eye patch to put on the lens of her glasses obviously it was a challenge to get a toddler to even wear glasses let alone have her vision impaired by having an eye patch over one eye by the time she was three we got her to keep her glasses on but she'd still take off the eye patch and throw it on the ground my husband and i got tired of forcing her to keep it on and we were both working so we weren't around to enforce her wearing it 24 7. now she's much older and her squint has gotten so bad from when she was little that she's had correctional surgery four times none of the surgeries worked and i know my daughter feels bad since she got bullied for her eyes when she was younger a few days ago i was having a conversation with my mother she asked about my daughter and how her last surgery went i told her what happened and jokingly said maybe if she had just kept her eye patch on as a kid it wouldn't be so bad now well my daughter overheard me say that to my mom she seemed upset during dinner and i asked her what was wrong she said i heard you talking on the phone you cannot make a three-year-old responsible for not wanting to wear an eye patch you are my parent it was your job to make sure that i kept it on regardless of how difficult i was being especially at that age if you had made sure that i followed treatment properly my eye conditions would have been so much better i disagreed both your father and i worked full time we were tired and it's hard making a screaming child do something they clearly don't want to do don't blame us for putting food on the table and a roof over your head she's still unhappy and has been avoiding me so my 30 male sister 19 has always been the golden child in my dad's eyes my parents adopted me thinking that they wouldn't have biological children they split when i was young and my father went on to have my sister i'll give her this she was very intelligent basically straight a's based on my dad's bragging well my dad expected her to be a doctor or something like that very high expectations my dad for the past year has been paying her rent while she goes to college even though she works i called my dad yesterday when he let me know how disappointed he was in my sister turns out she's pregnant and has no immediate plans on continuing with her education cherry on top the father of the baby is only three years younger than me i'm not happy about my sister's situation i do not approve of her relationship well i laughed when i found out because the pressure my father has put on her for the past 19 years cheerleading track countless diets to keep her skinny making her give up her dreams of being a vet finally made her crack and i find it hilarious that he doesn't see he did it to her and he thinks he has the right to say he's disappointed my father however took this as me laughing at my sister but when i explained no i'm laughing at him it made things so much worse my stepmother has been texting me non-stop about how i hurt my father how he just wanted to vent and as family i should support and respect him and even if i didn't it was just a genuinely stupid move to laugh [Music]

Channel: ASK GURL

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit aita, reddit relationship advice, reddit stepmom, reddit enitled parents, reddit raised by narcissist, reddit babysitting

Id: 4ZDIz0UefL4

Length: 18min 51sec (1131 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 15 2020