Crystal Meth Addict interview-Jamie Lynn

but yeah i am the pagan priestess you've never heard of the pagans uh i mean i've heard of the pagans but what is a pagan priestess how do i explain this i don't even know how to articulate it it's basically the female head are you are you a pagan yes you are yes so what does that mean what does that mean i'm affiliated with the pagans the pagan priestess how is your life different than a normal woman's well when i tell you that i walk through any neighborhood that i want in this country i mean some of the worst places that you've seen and i walk freely nobody bothers you hmm even schedule yeah yeah all right jamie lynn jamie uh where did you grow up where are you from originally um originally from ken island maryland which is right across the bay from baltimore i was born in baltimore my parents moved me over there when i was very young i am like i said i grew up their middle class wasn't anything real spectacular just living um you had mom and dad yeah yeah my mother's past my dad lives in ohio how would you describe your childhood i'm normal a normal single single parent home with an older brother and sister it was um trying say the least what were the roughest parts of it honestly i'd say school watching my mother struggle through a divorce trying to make it with no job skills support three kids no traumatic events in your life as a kid no abuse or anything like that yes i was abused when i was younger when i was eight by a neighbor and then i was raped when i was 12. so that kind of put me on the not so much skids just at a very awkward spot in life yeah changes a woman forever right yes what kind of kid were you in high school i was uh i was the one that would uh walk in the front door check in and then go out the back so it was um you finished you graduated it was normal no i didn't finish i have a 10th grade education then i need to uh further and drugs are part of your life drugs have been a big part of my life i've been trying to stay away from them but it's easier said than done yeah so when does that start for you well it started this morning and i'm taking it second by second you know what i mean just take it one step at a time and what's your drug well i'm a pilot user so it was anything that you put in front of me but these days it's been up speed math that and where do you stay now you're in skid row and attend um i have a tent i sleep where i can you know what i mean a good bit a good bit i am but at the same time i can't see if i have the makeup and the means i don't like letting myself go i don't like it it's happened stuff gets stolen you leave stuff somewhere so you got to make do with what you got you have kids no and if i did then i wouldn't they wouldn't be up for discussion you know what i mean i know you mean is this the lowest point of your life right now yes and no yes in some aspects no one others yes as far as not having a home a place to stay you don't know how you're getting your meals from one minute to the next and of course i have no idea i'm having trouble having trouble getting my id so can't get a job even if i do manage to panhandle enough money you can't get a room so it's it's hard it feels like the deck stacked against you do you have any friends down here not really down here it's nothing but hustlers and people trying to take advantage of you yeah they try to take advantage of you real bad you soul have contact with your family no what family i do have left i'm estranged from my sister and my father i've lost touch with i don't have a phone i don't have any contacts anyhow you've been in love before you say what have you been in love before yes yes very in love very in love um why do you ask no i ask that question a lot it's important in people's lives yes it is when i say that the love of my life is my biggest cheerleader and also on his biggest disappointment at the same time so it's hard he doesn't use and you you have an addiction pretty much does that cause a lot of shame and i think that he feels that i'm an embarrassment and that i should be able to do better but some days yeah he's right other days not so much but what are you afraid of what do you worry about what do i worry about being stuck never getting out of here never getting out of here being crazy and just being not so much insignificant but it's the word i'm looking for well yeah i guess insignificant like i don't matter just another homeless person on the street yep just somebody else fall through the cracks yeah and um you're very presentable i mean you look like you could be in another part of town not involved in drugs and this homeless lifestyle i was walking down the street to go brush my teeth this morning and somebody looked at me and told me to go back to hollywood yeah what are you doing here yeah pretty much so i am is there something something positive about this lifestyle freedom of it the lack of responsibility there is no freedom to it it's more restraining if you ask me in my opinion because you're limited to the people around you you're looked down upon there's stigma with it there's judgment now don't get me wrong you meet some of the best people that you'd ever want to meet but at the same time you meet very desperate people that their backs are against the wall they don't always have a choice between right and wrong but what is the lesser of the evils so you've been on the skid row for how long since july since i got here yes baltimore dallas fort worth and track down here how how has this lifestyle changed you you've been doing it for how long it's definitely made me more humble and it's made me understand exactly what i had and what i'll probably never have again not the way that it was and that's if i even get close to it which it has brought me closer to god i do pray a lot more i am i'm grateful for the little things i get now things that most people wouldn't think of like a warm bed to sleep in or a roof over your head where you don't have to worry about somebody stealing your stuff or taking advantage of you or just flat out taking advantage [Music] do you ever get a room for yourself um not since i've been here to get away from it all not since i've been here tonight maybe i haven't not since i've been here so when i tell you that all summer long i was outside pretty much that if i wasn't sleeping on a bench somewhere i was in a tent or walking all night and um it's interesting the way that your perception changes compared to your situation and as you progress through life most people don't ever get that drastic of a change did you once have a life that was that looked very different than this extremely different extremely different i wasn't rich but i wasn't down either as far as i knew i was happy and i wasn't extravagant but it was home and it is a far cry away from what this is now what do you think people that are not playing around with these kind of drugs in this lifestyle don't understand about it it's not so easy to get out no no it it's almost like quicksand yeah i've compared it to that before once you're in it i mean yeah it's possible to pull yourself out but at the same time it is such a knockdown drug out fight that many people give up many people give up it's so much easier to stay stuck then yep then get out stay stuck and try to put then to try to pull yourself up and out but at the same time when you got everything stacked against you working against you it gets tiring running around in circles and the treatment you get from the public or from your families or whatever i'll put it to you like this because i had my stuff in a stroller once i was denied use of a bathroom i um i've had people look down on me tell me to just get away from them get out of here it it's been one thing after another and like i said it wasn't always that way this isn't what you dream of being when you're a little kid no i'm sure not you know what did you did you have dreams of something how old are you me i'm 37. yeah you probably had dreams of doing something very different than this yeah extremely different i am it's like i woke up one day and it's what the hell happened and i understand that i have nobody to blame but myself but at the same time you know i know where it went wrong i just don't like thinking about it what's your biggest regret my biggest regret was not taking everything for what it was in front of me not paying attention and just not appreciating everything that i did have when i had it i took a lot of things and people for granted in my life that some of them still talk to me but it'll never be the same you yourself hope of rebuilding your life i mean you have to have hope if not then what's the point of going on just looking at you it tells me that you do yeah yeah what what personality trait do you do you have that can maybe give you an edge and get out of here i'm hardheaded and i i honestly believe that it's not how many times you get knocked down it's how many times you get back up so resilient if nothing else and when you piss me off i get spiteful i do things just to prove you wrong yeah but if you can channel that anger into something positive it'll help you rebuild your life yeah that's the best revenge you can get yeah no you're absolutely right about that i am i dream of one day standing on my own two feet which that was never even a thought for me three four years ago so i'm working on it though you know yeah well you don't you don't look like your typical homeless drug addict you look like you know you're you're beautiful and you're still you looking at from your feet to your head you're you're well put together you caught me on the right day that's the god's honest truth but you need to get your ass out of this neighborhood yeah off the streets i know it which i've been trying to get help and it's just like i'm being running around in circles i almost i'm starting to get suspicious of help everyone's looking for help i don't the people that i see doing it yeah just they just had a tiny little helping hand and then they did 99.9 of the work themselves yeah that's really what i think it's starting to when i say if i could get my birth certificate an id i'd be good i'd be able to get a job get a car do anything it's not like i'm a skillless i'm a waitress by trade but food services you know it doesn't take a rocket scientist to do that i'm just i'm looking for a break any break you know it's not always that you want to be around something as far as like the drugs and everything else i walk down the street and um offered stuff five ten times within three blocks it's hard with it being put in front of your face but at the same time i need to be strong enough to say no so once i do get straight and get out of here i just need to stay away from certain elements because it's too easy for me to go back too easy for me to go back what's the most important thing you've learned in your life nothing's forever you need to appreciate what you have when you have it take join the people people in your life not so much the things and possessions but the people all right john well thank you so much for sharing your story i wish you the best of luck out here right now right now you

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Id: X0mzS6nqzvQ

Length: 20min 37sec (1237 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 14 2021