- [Mark] Okay, Hye-jung.
- Yes. - [Mark] Hye-jung where'd you grow up? Where are you from, originally? - I'm from South Korea. - [Mark] South Korea. And tell me about your childhood, you had both of your
parents when you were young? - Yeah, I had both parents and then three sisters, and we all lived together. - [Mark] How was your childhood? - My childhood, I don't recall how it was. Just kind of normal. We didn't really have any kind of issue. - [Mark] No abuse. - No, yeah, like, I don't recall any abuse. Yeah, and then I was
kind of, Just a little, I didn't really thinking. Maybe like in the idea
later I'm gonna tell you, but I don't know. Yeah, I had kind of
stable, yeah, childhood. - [Mark] What was your relationship like with your mom and dad? - Yeah, before I started using drug my relationship was good. - [Mark] You what? - My relationship was good. - [Mark] Oh, I see, okay. - So yeah, they were very conservative. But I wasn't too wild, but I still wanted to go out and then drinking tab. And then, they were kind of controlling me and then, it was kind of
a little bit of a stress but it wasn't too bad though. Yeah, my relationship was good. But right now, since I came
out and then staying here and then using drug, and stopped working and yeah, so I don't really have
no contact with them. - [Mark] Oh, so- - It's been a- - [Mark] You don't speak
to your family any longer. - I don't really talk to them at all. - [Mark] Your family came
to the United States, when? - They came in 1991. And then... So all... No, actually my sister, my older sister came early. She came about seven,
eight years before us. So maybe about sometime in the 1980s and then other remaining family, we came in 1991. - [Mark] So you came in '91. And you were? - And then I came with them, but I went back to Korea 1992. - [Mark] And you were a student back then? - Yeah, because I was
in the college in Korea. And it was, I just wanted to... At the time, it wasn't
just for the school. My excuse was for school but I wanted to be with
my friend or, yeah. I just wanted to... At the time I liked friends, so I wanted to enjoy life and I thought Korea was more fun to stay as a college student. So I kept kind of pushing my parents. So I went back to Korea in 1992. And then I graduated school in 1996 and started working as accountant. In one of the kind of big
company in Korea and yeah. Since then, I couldn't really come often but still visited like once a year. - [Mark] So you had a job? - Yeah. - [Mark] Everything was going fine. - Everything was okay compared
to where I am now, yeah. But I didn't really think, but yeah, just kind of following
all the rule and then, parents were very controlling and then I was... Yeah, I was really following pretty well. So I was in the kind
of in a good at school. I always had a good grade
and then I'd been good but I still liked to hang out. it wasn't available when I was in school because they didn't let me
have any kind of boyfriend while I like to kind of
hang out with kind of boy. I was kind of... I liked that, but it wasn't available. And then I went to the girl's high school. Wasn't available at all. So, I don't know. I was kind of living
very different from now. Very different. And then I have been, that's all I have seen and I have been thinking, and then I was just kind of... I didn't really go out. I just went to school and come back. And then I lived with my parents and I had to come back early. Always like 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock. And then, they didn't want me
to smoke cigarette and then, drug, it wasn't even in our picture. I never even exposed to it. I never even knew about the drug. And then... - [Mark] Are there drugs
in Korea, South Korea? - There was people. Yeah, I think I heard the news. But what I thought was drug is like only really
few people using drugs. That's what I thought in Korea. Yeah, when I was in Korea. - [Mark] So you got introduced
to drugs here in the US? - Yeah, and then I go, yeah, when I came here, I still... When I came here, I like to drink. And because I wanted to go out. Then when you go out and then everything, because I wanted to get kind of high. Only thing available was, legally available was alcohol. So I've been drinking a lot and then I've been hanging out a lot, as much as possible. So, I did that. But, I did a little bit
of drug while I was doing, kind of the partying and stuff. I like to go to the club
and I wanted to meet people. And then like, yeah, I had. I was still working at the time. So I just wanted to maintain myself good and then meet nicer people and then, like a mentor. But there's some people, some of the Americanized people, who has been grew up, and I've been always
hanging out with the Korean. I never even thought about, I'm gonna be have any non-Korean because of that all. I dunno, I just kind of, naturally I never even, I was kind of closed. So most of the Korean people, some of them are just kind
of came from Korea like me. Very Koreanized. But some of them are Americanized but I was more attracted
to Americanized people. So I've been kind of hanging out and then you have many people kind of, so, I had a lot of friends. I had a lot of friends and then just doing partying. But at that time, we were drinking and then after party we went to some of the after party like a rave club or something. And then I have seen like cocaine powder and then Ecstasy. I don't know, naturally I didn't have any, kind of objection or
hesitation when I saw. Other people, like none of my family, like sisters were there. Because we've been always hearing, when I was in Korea, drug is like for people completely
different from who I was. And then we couldn't even touch. They are like devil or you know. I never even want... They're like all these kinds of really completely broken people, like a kind of really sick, this is the people. That's my conception. So I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to be away from them. To me, it was complete loser. Like so, I didn't even think about it. And I never been
associated with any people who's using like a drug, but as I was kind of living in America, some of them, they just kind of casually bring up like Ecstasy and that thing. And then, yeah, when I first, like those kinds of, all this drug, I really liked it. As soon as I try any kind. I think cocaine, powder
cocaine was first one. And I really liked it and the Ecstasy was the one, liked it. And then I did some other, like K or something. And then since I started it, I was more kind of associate with people who are using drugs. Maybe I think I was inside
kind of a seeking drug but I just liked to hang
out, with meeting people. If they have, then I use. But I never been thinking
about it when I went back home. And then I always went home every night. I never stay overnight because that is one thing my parents never ever gonna allow. So I always had to... Yeah, sometime I'm late, but my mom is started
calling me about 10 o'clock and then, "Where are you?" And then if I come home late and then next day I'm
in too much headache. Because she's so mad and
then giving me a hard time and then I have to deal with everything. So I have to come home early, but I have to come back. And then when I come back I usually partying during
the weekend heavily. And then, when I come back in the next day I just still go to work. So never really skipped the work. So I was able to maintaining
my job for long time. - [Mark] You're working
here in the States? - Yeah, I was majored
in accounting in Korea. And so I got a accountant job
very quickly in the States. And so I was working in
the company as accountant. And then I went through
about a couple company, and then I wanted to kind of grow further. No, yeah, just kind of about my job. I didn't really care
too much about the job but since I have a degree and everything it was easy for me to get a job. But I just went to job and then any job was kind of easy. So I just like working. And then my more focus was enter, like-- - [Mark] Having fun.
- Having fun. So usually, like after work, I was working in Irvine and then almost like three,
four times of a week, I went back, went to LA and then drinking and then
come back to Fullerton where I was living. Like driving. I've been doing it every single day. And then I come home like about 12 o'clock and then sleep, drunk and to sleep and then wake up at seven o'clock
and then go to work again. So that's how I've been doing. But of course, since I've
been doing drinking too much I happen to have a lot of kind of DUI. But I think-- - [Mark] So, you got some DUIs. - Yeah, I'm sidetracked. But anyway, what I was used, when I started using drug, so there was... At the time I had some kind of
those drug in 19, like 2002. And then after, like I saw the rehab, my friend kind of accidentally
show me crack cocaine. And then I smoked with him. Also, no hesitation. I saw in the rehab, I didn't want to go to the rehab because of there is a,
they are saying that there are some of their colleague but more drug addict. I was scared to be see the drug addict because of the drug people, people who were using drugs was completely different with me, so. I had no choice though, living there and then
was able to face that. The rehab was also for the Korean rehab. So everybody was only Korean. So I showed up and then, yeah, and I kind of happened to see. But still like to me, they were like, "Oh my God, they are
completely different from me." I have that thing. But when I saw crack
cocaine, when I smoke, I just smoke with no thinking but, I liked it so much. I liked it. But it was very, very scary. Because as soon as I have it, my brain was kind of shaking, and the completely took
me to the different state. Oh no. Actually, I think there was, yeah, my kind of brain was completely step different world. And it was scared. It was very scary. I was tripping very badly but when it became, I've been kind of really
attracted to that, really craving for the crack. So, first time when I started was 2004 and then we went to one of the motel. and then we were using, I think on one day. And then, I stayed overnight. And then I have to go
because I was so scared that my parents were gonna say something. So the next day I went back home but I couldn't really
forget about that feeling and I have no guilty feeling or anything. I just want it to be. It was kind of weird though. And then like, I kind of ask. We drank and then I was kind of, asking him if we can try one more time. So we did one about a week later. We did again. That time he made me stop for a week. I started it. And then I had money in my account. My ex-boyfriend didn't have any money but I was working. So I had some money. I had about, I don't know, a few thousand in my bank account. And then I didn't come home
until I spent all money. No, actually, I didn't come
home until my family hired like a private investigator to grab me. So they grabbed me. So I was pulled back home. And then they were like really
watching me now closely. And then they took my car away, my phone away. I've been just kind of, luckily I was able to continue work. And then they've been taking me to work and then picking up from work to home. So that kind of thing. So I've been doing the... They told me to... I was supposed to break
up with my ex-boyfriend because of they didn't
like from the beginning. And then I was kind of
meeting him behind, so, yeah. And then after that, he also had a really guilty feeling. And then he said like, "You cannot smoke. "It was my mistake that
I introduced to it. "So you can't smoke and that." And then- - [Mark] How did you
feel when you tried it? - It was very scary feeling when tried it. As soon as I try, I hear my family, my mom crying. "Kelly, Kelly, why are you doing this? "Kelly, Kelly." And my sisters are crying. And then there is like, I don't know, like all my
mind is just coin the story and then, police is chasing me. And then, the people is a... Those kind of what I was feeling but it was very scary and I kind of step on the window and then door like thing. But I still wanted to do it. - [Mark] Yeah. - But there was no enjoyment at all. There was no enjoy. And that was just kind of paranoid for the first time. And then it was 2004, a couple of times stop. And then left my life, and then I restarted in 2015. So it's almost like 10 years after. - [Mark] Oh, so you stopped for awhile? - Yeah. - [Mark] How did you stop? - Because of that... My life was kind of too-- - [Mark] Did your parents--
- Block. I had to live my life. - [Mark] Did your family help you? - My family, they were watching me. They couldn't let me kind of... I don't know. It was too much pressure. So I wasn't able to do. And then I don't know
anybody who's using drugs and then I have no way to find the drug. So I've been craving, but gradually I forgot about that. So I forgot about the everything. So just kind of went
back to how I was before and just living a life. And then didn't even have a craving. So I just kind of living, just going out and then still like drinking when I have to. But sometimes, I think
several times, I drank. When I drank, I started remembering. I wanted it so bad. So I took a cab because of, since DUI. I couldn't really, I wasn't able to, I didn't want to drive again drinking. - [Mark] Your DUI.
- Yeah. - So you couldn't drive. - So I took a cab and then ask him to go to the Skid Row because that's where I saw
my ex-boyfriend was buying from the Skid Row. - [Mark] Years ago. - Town and fifth. That's where I first saw crack. And that's the only place I knew. So I took cab, come to the Skid Row and then bought about $20. And then I gave it some
money to the taxi driver, so that he can let me smoke behind. So I smoked from there to
the Fullerton, my house. And then it took me about, yeah. And then I was able to finish in the way. And then at the time it's already late. So when I went home, everybody's sleeping. So I would just kind of snuck in and I couldn't really sleep, but I act like nothing happened. So I did that several times but that was too much money, and too much in it. So I was gradually stopped, yeah. - [Mark] So you started again in 2015? - I started again in 2015. And then the reason is, I had a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, that guy who introduced my drug, for a long time. I stopped and then he wasn't doing it, but he kept relapsed. And then I worried about it. But later it's kind of become an issue. And then couldn't stable, couldn't have a stable job and then I really didn't like it. So I broke up with him
because of those relapse. But ironically, as soon as I broke up, I had contacted one of his friend and then I contacted him and intentionally
approached him to get drug. So I told him... I asked him if he can buy me a crack and then we can smoke together. So I started to smoke together and then I was able to
know the drug dealer. So he was buying, that was Korean woman. So after I smoked with him several time, and then I started to buy myself, I contacting the girl during the weekend. So I just call her and then I get from her and then smoking at home. And then I did that like every weekend. And then, it's kind of getting longer. And then I have been to other
dealers and other dealers and then, I-- - [Mark] So, today you're at Skid Row. - Yeah, I'm not, I'm not working. I'm in Skid Row. - [Mark] You're in a tent? - Yeah, I'm in a tent. That's really like hard, yeah. - [Mark] ow do you make money now? How do you support yourself? - I have a EDD unemployment. So, but it's held by, because of... I was just stolen so much money here. And then still stolen so many things. So I cannot really keep
any phones or any money. - [Mark] Yeah, everything
gets stolen here. Have you made money in other ways? - So, I have ask somebody
else is keeping my card and then I get it kind
of a couple times a week. - [Mark] Have you made
money in other ways? - Yeah, I had no choice. So yeah, I was doing (indistinct). - [Mark] Okay. - Sometime like, when I do not have, I just walk around, and then people approaching
me all the time. - [Mark] Opportunities come up. - Yeah, opportunities always come up. And then, of course that's not, most of the time, it's not good. They know like, I'm desperate. I cannot manage. So I had so many bad experience. I was beaten up. And then I was kind of
almost, I don't know, I think I was raped too. I was kidnapped, raped and then, I've been crying
almost every single day. And then having a really
hard life right now. But, I do not like that. But I don't know. I cannot really stop smoking. - [Mark] Where do you see your life going? Do you think you'll quit one day? - My life, I cannot really... I don't know. Like I came the way too far from my previous life. So if my belief is not coming true, I wouldn't have any
choice about going back, but that is gonna be complete, that is a nightmare. I'm thinking about. I'd rather die.
- [Mark] Was that-- - Yeah. Rather than I go back to my old life. - [Mark] You'd rather die than go back to your old, boring life? - Yeah.
- [Mark] Really? - Because I was like,
I wanted to, I have... Now, like it's a more spiritual thing. I wasn't really Christian at all. I was going to church because
of the family and everything and playing a piano at
the church, big church. And then, I wanted to look nice to people. And then I wanted to, my parents didn't want to embarrass me, my parents, my family. So I wanted to be, outside, made sure like outside I look good. But inside wasn't really thing. So I thought I was spiritual but didn't really have anything, but as I going through so much struggle, I was like really experiencing
God in everything. I have small, while smoking. And then I was kind
of, really like a fall. And then when I was injured right, when I was dying, I wanted to live. So I'm just kind of grabbing everything. And then now I remember like, "Okay, there's God." And then, like, I'm just, "If there is a God, please save me. "I want to really live." And then like, yeah, really I met the God. So I met God and then everything what I experienced since then, even though I was smoking crack was a really, same like
agree to what I heard from other people who've been really received
the spirit, holy spirit by being a good life. Like going to, going to... Because I went to the church
kind of event and something and then saw the people changed. And then I wanted to be changed. So I asked them, "How do you do it?" And then they said like, as soon as you do that, and then everything is like, you feel like everything
is alive, trees alive. Just waving them for me. And then, you know everything's bright and then complete changes. And then you are so happy. Just being easy existence. And then you repent so much. You repent so much. But I found the same
thing from there, I got. When I said that, I was a crying so hard. First thing I told was, "I'm not a good, "and then I don't deserve this blessing." And how could I be like,
getting this deserve. And then that was just
kind of gratefulness. And then see it was so good. And then, I see like, it's
kind of talking to me nearby. Talking to me mostly through TV and then music and everything. And that it is like living with me. And then, that was good. But I don't know. Like I get more, I was thinking it's like a false but I get more close to, kind of my father when I'm high on crack. Then I'm sober, or I'm in on other anything. And then that is like when I'm, I feel like I'm
alive when I get high. So, that's why I'm keep doing it. - [Mark] That's a problem. - I know, that's problem. So, that's problem. But that's everybody's saying to me, but that if I'm smoking, if I get high, then some people cheering me up and then I know for now to still, yeah, my people is there. So I don't know, like
many people hating me. Almost like everybody's staring me. Like, I felt like I'm fighting against the whole world. But, I wasn't starting like that. When I went first, I happened to like, I felt like I'm so small. I had thought I was arrogant before. But when I say I've become humble. I thought I am really nobody. Homeless people, like I'm homeless now, but even though when I
wasn't homeless back then, still I go, "Wow, I never knew they were
the way smarter than me." And I never kind of, I
wasn't able to judge people without knowing who they are. And then I don't know, everything is... - [Mark] Are you happier now--
- Yeah. - [Mark] Than you were--
- Yeah. - When you were clean and working and? - Yeah. - [Mark] Really? So, that's going to be hard. - It is going to be, but this is me. - [Mark] Stop and be
unhappy like the rest of us. (Mark laughs) - I don't know. I don't know. So I'm scared. So this is, I'm still, maybe. I went to rehab many times, like two time and then I was
working really diligently. So I know all the step-- - [Mark] It's very hard
and it's very difficult. You're trying to do something
you really don't want to do. - Yeah, but that is some kind of, I don't know. Right now, actually drug is not... Sometime I want to stop drug, smoking. But my wish is like, I want it to continue living. Have that happiness. There is some of that-- - [Mark] Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been in love? - I've been in love, yeah. - [Mark] You have.
- Yeah. I know about love. - [Mark] You have no children? You have no children? - Yeah, I know love and
then I did love, yeah. - [Mark] And no children? - No? - [Mark] No children? - No children. - [Mark] I'm not saying that's the answer. I'm just asking. - I really wanted... This is not my dream. I know it's real but I feel like it's gonna be coming soon. But, it doesn't seem to be. But I can't kind of survive anymore. If I'm thinking, I never
thought I'm gonna be like this. Because when I started, I thought my life is gonna
be over very quickly. I don't know. So all I really need is some, kind of, I don't know how to finish. But I can never really like, if you offer me to, I don't know. I don't want to go to the program. I don't want to walk
myself to the program. - [Mark] Yeah, yeah. You want to be forced. You want to be forced. - I don't want to be forced but, I wanted to know reason why people might, I don't know. No, actually, I'm just, I don't know, I'm still like growing, so. How old are you? - [Mark] How old are you? - I'm 48. - [Mark] You're 48. Oh my God!
- Yeah. - [Mark] I thought you were, you're 28. - Yeah, but I don't really eat. These day I eat, but I didn't really eat. I didn't really sleep but, I wasn't tired and I wasn't hungry and then I am not sick. And then I got kind of, I don't know, to my eyes, I become skinny, but to me I look better
than I wasn't using. I think I'm kind of trying, I'm finding myself, but it is so strong that it was kind of confusing me. - [Mark] Yeah, all right. Thank you so much for talking with me. - Thank you, thank you for listening. - I wish you all the luck in the world. - [Mark] I wish you a lot
of luck because I think-- - Oh my god, thank you so much. - [Mark] There's something
you need to sort out, with your family or with yourself or with what you want in life. And that might be the
key to everything else. - Okay. - [Mark] Thank you for coming in. - Thank you. - [Mark] Okay, darling. - All right.
