CONFIRMED ACT - Daliso Chaponda | BGT: The Champions

oh yeah [Music] [Applause] hello hello hi you look happy I'm quite delighted and what's your name it's my name is de Lisa Denis search upon de that's amazing Malawi your name Malawi yes so I'm from aloud but I live in Manchester why have you come on Britain Scott I've come to make the people laugh I am a comedian I would love the winner of Britain's Got Talent this year to be a comedian oh no pressure no pressure who are you here with so I'm here just alone I my brother no no he wanted to come he's a doctor and he was like either I should save lives or come with you well your parents disappointed that one of you is a comedian one of you was a doctor they were absolutely horrified because I was studying computer programming so I had a future okay excellent well I'm at that age now all my friends are getting married and married people forget how horrible it is being single they love to call me and complain about their coupling problems always get you're so lucky being single I get home my wife just starts nagging nag nag nag up like I have to nag myself I get home like what time do I call this why don't I ever do the dishes sometimes I think I don't appreciate myself I haven't always been a comedian I did some weird jobs I used to clean houses and I'll admit I was tempted to steal I didn't steal cuz the Bible says thou shalt not steal but nowhere does it say thou shalt not swap I took a stereo left a Walkman took a plasma screen left an etch-a-sketch as I mentioned I am from Africa I moved here ten years ago and immediately I moved here I heard a lot of British people talking about the financial crisis the recession I'm from Africa what are you maniacs talking about you call that a crisis if that's a crisis where's UNICEF where is Bono I've not seen one save the UK concert you can tell me it's a financial crisis when their planes flying over Birmingham tossing fish and chips out the window [Laughter] it will be in a financial crisis when their ads on television saying this chap has to walk five miles of there to get a bottle of wkd blue and 100% you have got a financial crisis with India starts opening call centres here can you imagine some pro guide Mumbai calls back ends up talking to a Brahmi thank you so much [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] I just want to say you're bloody hilarious thank you self-deprecating funny relevant I mean laughs after laughs after laughs it just kept on coming and I really want you to win the entire series I think you have a golden future all right thank you so much I'm shocked and delighted my face is hurting from laughing I'm so pleased that a man depressed our golden buzzer whew you are brilliant and I cannot wait to hear more from you we're done [Applause] you should be a comedy superstar all the jokes were really original and you are incredibly likeable I couldn't fault it well done nor any do I think you're an undiscovered all-star I could see you owning your own show what you did was so funny and naughty you need this is why we make shows like this to find people like you [Applause] watch it just a bit baby crying that's the whole UNICEF they go well done fella thank you so much thank you thank you thank you for that welcome and thank Amanda for pushing that buzzer ever since you didn't my life has been bonkers people approaching me on the road saying well done but the most common question I get is you're from where is it Mollie Maui but it's Malawi and if any of you don't know where that is it's where Madonna adopted all the babies from that's us yeah you're jealous I do miss my little brother and Angelina took my sister so the UK Wow I was tricked into moving here I was tricked because I was watching television and I saw an angry guy came on television he said all these immigrants take all the good jobs all the good women I was like wow that's what I'm looking for I know sometimes comedy it's hard to laugh sometimes because the news is full of depressing stuff but I think the thing is it's misleading because amazing things happen every day little acts of kindness but they don't report it they put it on page 10 they open with the doom and gloom if the BBC news with a maid of yours you'd never go over the time of going through that depressing barbecue with Cartoon Network but it's an amazing time to be alive people say stuff like oh I missed the good old days the good old days were terrible we've got amazing stuff we've got Wi-Fi we got rights vote I'm black 200 years ago this would have been an auction [Applause] but with the doom and gloom the Malak the Malawi inpress is a lot worse than your press here I will tell you like I did the first ever comedy show in Malawi which isn't an accomplishment I'm the only stand-up comedian right the local press inside send a reporter the editor said aha why don't you write the review yourself and you give me some money I will say we wrote it I was disgusted by the total lack of integrity in the Malawian press but wow that was the best review ever got seven stars he's a genius the African Michael McIntyre but it's crazy I'm on television right now because my ex always felt I wasn't ambitious enough she always used to be like you're a comedian come on be more ambitious I said hey I'm happy she said you're not happy I said I think I'm happy she said no be more ambitious I did not sign up for somebody who's going nowhere I snapped I told her look you knew I wasn't ambitious the day we met of all the women in the bar I approached you [Applause] looking for love I'll admit I'm looking for love you know gotta get that citizenship you know but it's hard to date on a budget I remember going for date and the woman made a lot more money than me which isn't the problem we're in the 21st century but I was ashamed I remember the waiter came up assumed I was gonna pay put the bill in front of me I had to go pathetic watching her pay I wanted so badly to be part of the transaction so I just took the change I don't understand the British I saw a beautiful British woman looking at a mirror upset I said what's gone she said can't you see it's a fat mirror she said this mirror makes me look fatter than I read I said well I think my eyes have the same problem [Applause] you're not mocking her don't be angry with me it was a cultural misunderstanding I'm from Africa it's different when we see someone overweight we don't think born a diet we're more like where did you get the food it's been a pleasure [Applause] [Applause] Oh a mother are you proud silly so I love you I'm so thrilled I have to say I think that's even better than the first time we saw you what I love about comedy is that it it has to be very near the edge of edgeless and you are so on the edge that it made us how would laughter I mean it was naughty with a dual [Applause] material Michael McIntyre stuff and nobody can take your stuff you are unique and you really smashed it I'm proud of you how old you are again 37 37 you look good I have to tell you something you are one of the funniest people we've ever had on this show [Applause] so fantastically non-pc i think it's a pretty do and i think that's part of the reason why everybody likes you so much i said this earlier on in a week I'm gonna say this about you is that I do believe that this show can be an amazing showcase for somebody like you and I would be amazed actually no I don't want to say this because I jinxed it before but what I'm thinking is this that you are the sort of person who off the back of this your phone should be ringing in three days time offering you your own show they are quite selfish and the same people to seem to be on a lot I think there's a real a real gap in the market for you and is your personality your sense of fun which I believe is gonna put you in the final tomorrow and you deserve it Hawaii people pick up the phone and put you in the final when you were on the first time around jet white or called me and said he used to do gigs with you back in the day and I said why isn't he the biggest comedy star in the country he said he's never been given the right break well tonight is the right break [Applause] it's funny and you made us ugly laughs to do that [Applause] thank you thank you so much it's so good to be back and I just realized you've had Kenya now Malawi this part of the show has been sponsored by the old British colonies but he's been so supportive and so wonderful since I did the show yesterday people have been coming up and they say oh you were great you're great I hope you're better tonight you're good you're good I hope you're better which is great but you could not do this in any other part of your life could you go on a date and be like my ex was really kinky I hope you're better but it's hard to be romantic actually I remember my ex looked at me once and she said you know what Denise oh I would die for you I panicked all that came out was thank you there was a long uncomfortable silence and then she went would you die for me I said I'd take a bunch and she punched me in the face I know you're all worried right now because you've had that post brexit divorce talks will you get a good deal with you get a bad deal if you get a bad deal don't worry I've got the back-up plan for you join the African Union will take you think about it your money's been devalued you had MP's fiddling expenses you're practically African [Applause] sometimes it actually Simon yesterday you said you like that I'm non PC but the brilliant thing is in the UK I can be non PC I can cross the line the worst that will happen is one of you will send a complaint letter do jokes about your government no problem this is not the same rules in Africa you think I'd ever go to Zimbabwe into a Robert Mugabe joke do you think I've got a North Korean - a Kim jong-un joke it would be Britain's Got arrests I love being here and I do get some weird racism sometimes it's very subtle there's no things like I was in a store the other day somebody saw me thought I was gonna steal something start following me things I just had a bit of fun I just went can you help me I want to steal this but I'll admit racism happens in all directions it's not just white on black it happens black on white it happened in my own family I was so ashamed a friend of mine from Denmark decided to go backpacking across Africa he passed through Malawi a lot of my uncle's had seen white people on television never met one they got mighty excited I got a call he said hey your white friend is coming here Wow you must stay with me don't worry I can cook rice I think you forget why people need to eat white food so I let him stay with my rice Uncle Ben I think you give me defective white mine so what you mean he's defective that your friend he acts exactly like us I said he's a human being what did you expect and we sit here in his I was like I thought he was going to do some crazy white things they just wanted a story for the pop so when no one is looking I went to Mateos I said yo yo yo yo yo next few days just do some crazy white things give him a story he said no I'm the first white man he's ever learned I think it's very important that I don't live up to any false stereotypes I said Mateus you're not paying for food you're not paying for Commendation the least you can do is some crazy white things so he slept with my uncle's wife and then he took his land and then he made him a Christian [Applause]

Channel: Britain's Got Talent

Views: 4,341,006

Rating: 4.8872237 out of 5

Keywords: britain's got talent, britains got talent, britain's, got, talent, 2019, britains, bgt, ant and dec, ant, dec, simon cowell, david walliams, alesha dixon, amanda holden, DALISO CHAPONDA, DALISO BGT, DALISO, CHAPONDA, BGT FUNNY, BGT COMEDIAN, BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT FUNNY, BGT THE CHAMPIONS, BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT THE CHAMPIONS

Id: BaxpNs1wrJo

Length: 18min 41sec (1121 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 26 2019