Conan & Jordan Schlansky Plan Their Trip To Italy | CONAN on TBS

you've spoken so much about Italy you talk so much about Italy that many people think you're from Italy you drove a Vespa for a while it's right until someone just ran into you destroyed the Vespa and broke your arm correct yeah now I paid that guy to kill you I've always wanted to understand Italy the way you understand Italy I want to see Italy through your cold lifeless eyes so I've decided to take you to Italy that sounds great who's ready we could leave tonight I pack light seriously you're not rattled at all by this we're gonna leave for Italy tonight I can be ready in a couple hours don't you have to tell your wife or anything I'm all set you're not gonna call your wife that's a quick conversation my thought is of course we must go to Rome yes I have other places that I like in Italy that I feel like in a nutshell I mean I've been everywhere I've been to Beneteau i've been to Piedmont a Mille Romagna Astana this is lot Co compiling it down here Cecilia Calabria Puglia first of all lay market first of all first of all you're showing off yeah you know you're showing off I am in qualifying I don't know that those are real places I believe that too sure okay the same thing ask me if I've been to Italy have you been to of course I've been dead Don day a vanilla yonder but often I will apply the Florence spent a couple days in Florence by myself connecting with stop by yourself I travel often alone and I have romantic evenings under the stars your love good night what are you talking about you can't have an every romantic evening alone your soup hot dog romance ekend hold on one second mazie will manses a diverse concept it's not only what sure and then I Drive to my favorite town in southern Tuscany which is prefer not to say the name it's a special place to me you're not gonna tell me the name of your favorite town well my favorite restaurant is there and like I say I have a special connection with the people there and my picture is hanging on the wall and restaurant is it for passing bad checks but the real highlight for me is the wild primal city of maples are gonna have a coffee and a lot of it we're gonna have espresso we're gonna have cappuccino we're not gonna mess around with any of the American coffee drinks like when you walk into a diner in America what do you say I would ask if they had espresso I wouldn't expect it to be good you'd say to FL who's been working there 60 years I'll order if I are not expected to be good is that what you'd say I don't say all my thoughts out loud what are you thinking right now you know the hair that you miss shaving it's enough corner of your mouth would be my right your left okay well I know what I'm thinking sure I could push this through your right eye too sharp part and we go above it back the part of your brain that controls speech and I would scrape it around and you would be mute and you'd die about a week later that's not where speech is controlled once have you been to Italy conservative yes I haven't kept count but I would assume 25 times approximately what do you get the money for this Georgia you pay me that money I pay you that much that you've been to Italy at least 25 to 30 times and tasted the very best food stayed in the nicest hotels that's how much I pay you yes okay and what intern do you do for me I complete the tasks assignments unbelievable you've been sucking at my teat for 23 years sucking it dry and what do you do with that sweet mother's milk use it to build up the fat in your body so you can go over here and hang it on the Italy having the good life one here slaving away making shows thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of entertainment watched by hundreds and hundreds of people I prefer to spend my money on experiences instead of material possessions I could think of no better watch by the way this is everything I love about the sexiness and the power as Rome and had to see and the triumph you are alone now this is the pizza of Naples this is a margarita and this is a marinara there are very strict rules governing the véra pizza not police has to be there in 30 minutes or lastly not okay oh my god I remember this photo remember when this was the cover of douche Wheatley laughing right you didn't know what to do and so a weird Joker smile come on your face and then that's the next day it's nuts the sets know nothing biological no no don't you dissected look at your face you think your face that is adored worldwide you're the monster do you think people adore your face because of the physical structure of your face or perhaps what it might represent the need my face you making a claim like that I don't think you could utilize my face I say your face is adored not necessarily for the physical structure yeah we can concentrate on the positive short what's the negative tip of the nose do you understand that little vain that bugs everybody come on freckles your body image may be distorted the things that you find to be negatives are not even noticed I'm a beginner this side track do you mean my face looks like the Joker I'm telling you that's my face what do you find unattractive about my face go well let's talk about the positives you got symmetry okay based on public perception what might the public find to be unattractive about your face is that the question answering you've got dry skin it [Applause] promise me that when you show me your Italy we're gonna have a good time I guarantee you and I'll promise you to moisturize Jordan and I Jordan and I went to Italy that night it was intense our trip is going to be a prime time show Conan in Italy airing Wednesday April 11th at 10 o'clock [Applause] you

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Id: CwjhxtBmQys

Length: 9min 5sec (545 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 27 2018