Conan Furloughs Non-Essential Staffers

[Music] good evening I'm Conan O'Brien president of the Conan show as you know we face a government crisis as we tape this segment right now our government has shut down and all non-essential personnel have been furloughed they've been laid off well I thought in keeping with the times and to support my country I should probably also lay off all non-essential personnel here at the Conan show by the way I'm wearing this Guinness top right here this little fleece in the hopes that Guinness will see it and give me free Guinness what are you doing right now simple things what is it for sandwich shop okay is this something that I asked for no is this for me no so this is a sandwich that would be for you yeah it's a pie you weren't by a pie you want to buy a pie for yourself so as I'm looking for who's non-essential I come across you and you're what is it buying a pie online would you say that you are essential personnel so no okay what's the deal here are you doing a crossword puzzle of your desk uh no this is your handwriting yes and this is a crossword puzzle I'm sitting on your desk so you were doing a crossword puzzle on your desk don't you can't lie in front of the camera you can't lie what are you stuck on what's the worry just tell us which one it is and then you know this ends up on the thing then people are gonna think I'm stupid for not knowing it I just don't okay okay a three-letter word for vehicle that starts with C is car I assist the executive producing what kinds of things do you assist him in doing just running his life hoping answers phone mm-hm is there anyone here on staff what you think is non-essential if you had to give up one name who do you think is non-essential anthe Jordan Jordan is non-essential yeah whites what does he do I don't know I just always see him filling up his Brita so if I was to let someone go and staff you would recommend that it is me and you don't feeling all guilty giving up his name no Breanna ask you is there one non-essential person on the staff someone who you feel probably doesn't do that much and could be eliminated just one yeah if i had you had to yeah yeah i mean i don't even know what he does it must be a real douche you describe your duties on the show please uh I overlook the whole IT infrastructure that's a big song overlooked IT infrastructure that you get your email rather than the staff is non-essential don't be afraid to give a name think about it non-essential non-essential who could go if they had to go beyond just be really honest there's a name that popped into your head he's my friend who is it I say join us like oh no one is prompted in any way this is the name this is unbelievable so George less he is the name that you my buddy yes Billy manna hope you and I are never good friends where's Kramer you just came downstairs you went downstairs yeah I'm looking for a non-essential personnel my guess is when someone's not at their desk they're probably non-essential would you agree I guess so yeah you just sold out the guy you sit next to it yeah Jordan yes please Stan you and I have talked many times over the years but this is serious okay I'm talking to everyone on staff one name has come up repeatedly I believe nine times people don't know what you do they don't understand your job you fill your Brita filter with water is this in fact the water that's often being filled in the hallway the choice to remain hydrated doesn't imply that I have no work to do how much is what anything today 78 ounces what are you a weeping willow here are your tree that's a ton of water how much they are you urinating then how many times you go to the bathroom drain you ideally once an hour you urinate once an hour why ideally once an hour well I have to make sure my urine is almost clear you drink seventy eight ounces of water a day after you more than seventy eight ounces of water a day I drink seventy eight ounces of water while I'm here how much what are you thinking a day but double 78 correct you drink a hundred and sixty some odd ounces of water a day 156 every time I ask you what you do and we've had numerous remotes where I've talked to you numerous times you use the word numerous various assorted but you never give one specific thing what do you do if you're not gonna tell me who are you going to tell the people that need to know already no what do you mean that's me Jordan are you essential yes or no yes were you to disappear now man is it tempting with the show be affected with the exception of yourself I could argue that any particular staff member can be eliminated with no visible results on air you have the body language as Lee Harvey Oswald [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Team Coco

Views: 16,481,026

Rating: 4.9122381 out of 5

Keywords: Comedy Sketches, Remotes, Jordan Schlansky, Sona Movsesian, Lindsay Varquez, Chris Hayes, Sam Hanover, Government, Conan O'Brien, Conan, Conan (TV Series), TBS (TV Channel), Team Coco

Id: Rd_BRT6_TPk

Length: 6min 57sec (417 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 02 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/gmsteel]

For those confused, this is from 2013.

[u/Mechashevet]

I LOVE the Conan remotes with Jordan Schlansky. Absolutely hilarious every time. One the the few things on the internet that will literally make me laugh outloud.

[u/kjonescartoons]

why is Jordan office always so messy they did a how video where they cleaned his office.

[u/jose_von_dreiter]

The behaviour of Jordan screams Asperger's.