Baldur’s Gate 3 is a roleplaying masterpiece, the undisputed game of the year,
where you’ll meet friend, foe and food on your way to becoming the greatest
kleptomaniac the world has ever seen. You’ll face many encounters,
where violence is always an option, and often the solution. But I want to try and beat this game without ever dealing damage. That includes no shoving into a chasm, no doing… uh… this? And no British habits in cutscenes. My character will be a Wood Elf.
Simply because they are the superior race. I’ll start as a cleric for several reasons and I’m a pacifist, so I’ll choose the War domain. Because throwing an item
counts as a weapon attack, with this domain I’ll be able to
fling two healing potions per turn. Ilmater is the god of the
harmless and the defenseless, so that’s quite fitting. Now all I need is Charisma, to say no to violence, and Constitution, in case there is violence. There is already a Cleric in this story, and her name is Shadowheart. Luckily I’m better with names. The story starts with a squid applying a gummy
worm directly into my brain that allows me to receive and send Bluetooth signals. As a downside I’m also hearing voices. After waking up aboard a regular Transavia flight,
I first prevent some happy accidents. I then find a strange… dog? Later, I meet this thing. (This thing) We exterminate the imps,... *more githyanki noises* I didn’t listen to the instructions and instead decided
we’ll simply run past the imps. They didn’t seem to like that. (Shadowhand) Hells. In the next room we find Shadowheart.
However, we cannot free her during combat. Lucky for us, it appears we’re at a dog shelter. This one’s also hostile to the imps, so I defend it.
I can’t control it, so it may finish the fight for us. I can then free Shadowheart. She’s racist to green people,
and that makes two of us. We enter the cockpit to speak
to the manager of this flight, but it appears the Belgians
are already doing that. I distract them with my adorable dog,
while the party runs forward to fly the plane themselves.
Along the way I also collect a fun souvenir. After landing the plane safely… I find my sister again, as well as a sense of fashion. It appears there is only one way forward and that is past some feral dogs that are not quite happy with us. Luckily, there is also a door we
can lockpick that leads to an- I have no lockpicks. So, we stealthily sneak by the dogs. There was an attempt. Shadowheart can’t run that far, so I
let her channel her inner dog whisperer. See now seems to be ignored
and can flee from combat. In the meanwhile, I run towards another soon-to-be
ally so he'll become involved in the fight. He does NOT care. Still, I eventually manage to escape and I meet a friendly wizard. We reunite with Shadowheart and recruit the totally-not-a-vampire, (Totally-not-a-vampire) I accept. then gain our second level.
For me it’s time to heed my true calling, and become a bard.
If you’re talking about supporting and more ways to resolve encounters,
you’re talking about a bard. This will be the class that I level
in for the remainder of this run. Four characters makes a full troupe,
so we set out to explore the area. We find a temple and scare
away some local bandits. (Local bandit) Well, uh, in that case... After quietly looting most
of the place, we head north, just in time for some scripted combat. So, here’s the plan; we keep everyone alive on our side,
so they can kill everyone on the other side. (The refugee leader) That was
the last of them, open the gate! In the grove we’re given a warm welcome, (Average violence fan) And who the hell are you again? and learn from the refugee leader that the local
druid leader is quite evil. This is confirmed when we see her about to
kill a child, so we tell her to stop it. We then borrow her personal letter that
conveniently marks an evil rendezvous on our map. We also meet a healer to help
us with the thing in our brain. She offers us lethal poison. At least the refugees are more uhh… peaceful?
as we deal with some rising tensions. (Refugee) Moo (Goblin) You ain’t gonna shoot me. We then recruit a local bully named Wyll,
and send him to our camp. Because we can only count to four. Exploring further, we discover a gravely
wounded druid surrounded by some goblins. Casting sleep on the goblins
gives us time to help him, and he goes on a full rampage. In the last part of the grove we find a young
tiefling who’s lured by the singing of a harpy. (Young tiefling) Ssshh, listen. He’ll surely walk to his death unless we stop him.
I try to give the boy a wake-up call, but it doesn’t work.
That means we have to stop the singing itself. Gale however was also lured and is already downed. This wasn’t going too well,
so I had to reload. In the second attempt, I found out that shoving
the harpy also did not work, the wizard was again falling apart,
and above all the tiefling refused to run farther than this. It was time to move on towards the rendezvous. The first thing we see upon leaving the grove is a dying man. (Living woman) You’re a True Soul, you can’t die. He could. We then reach level 3 as we approach the marked location. I become a better bard, while Gale and Shadowheart learn the
spells Screw Them Over and You Are Screwed. Astarion also acquires some magic tricks so
he can finally make himself useful in combat. After arriving it becomes
clear that there’re no druids… but still something is being guarded,
so I let Astarion sneak around. Since he can now summon cats as a distraction,
it should be simple enough to remain undetected. Well.
At least he managed to find some intel so we head back towards the grove.
There we tell the druid leader what we now know, (Druid leader) What?! and it appears that her evil cult was hiding as rats this whole time. (Chill druid) Have you lost your mind!? (Druid leader) Yes
We tell her to stop being bad. (Druid leader) I belong to the shadows no longer! She now joins us in the fight against her own cult, and- Of course. He’ll be fine.
With eight against three, this fight is trivial. “Audible Inc presents, go the F to sleep.” The druids and the tieflings are now grateful with us,
but still require our help… in dealing with another goblin attack.
That is indeed a matter of concern. However... With the use of a teleport scroll and by casting Shield,
he eventually manages to get away and somehow reaches the camp in one piece.
It seems our skeleton is not getting paid today. Now it’s been a long journey so
far, and it’s time to hit the sack. However, I’m awoken that night… by the vampire…
(Vampire) Dzhit. who decided to show his true nature.
I promptly decide to demote him to camp cleaner. The warlock is eager to join in
his place if he can hunt a devil, so that’s the first thing we’ll
be doing. After sneaking past some horrible
places while avoiding combat, we eventually meet the devil. (Wyll) *starts throwing insults* (Wyll) *is really mad* (Karlach) Look into my eyes. (Wyll) You really are no devil, are you? It turns out she’s not a devil,
but a flaming teddy bear. She explains that she’s being
hunted by some so-called “paladins”, and makes it our problem.
Alright then. I think of a masterful plan to
lure them towards the neighbouring gnolls so they’ll fight with each other.
But first, we disarm their leader. I said, we disarm their lead- Third time’s the charm, and now we start running. This is going as planned, despite
the Paladin finding a new weapon, until it becomes clear that
they’re all teaming up on us. I don’t… think that should happen. I try it again, and with this in mind I bestow
madness onto the leader. I… I said… Okay he’s now mad. That means he’ll attack everyone until it
ends, and they’ll gladly return the favour. Maybe a bit too gladly. It seems to quest completes after only
he is dead, so I’ll take it as a win. Now it’s time to help the grove get
rid of the imminent goblin threat. On the way towards the goblin
camp we meet a bunch of ogres who turn out to be mercenaries.
(Ogre) Make me an offer. Instead of eating us we offer them to work for us.
(Ogre) A brilliant notion. We then gain a horn to call them
into combat when the time is right. We move on again…
(Shadowhand) Be cautious. and just before entering the
camp we get a terrible headache. It then becomes clear that Shadowheart secretly
caries an artefact that prevents the voices from becoming louder.
I’d ask her to elaborate but she just can’t look me in the eye anymore. We arrive at our destination, where we
laugh at a feeble bard and make our way inside. (Goblin) State your business, no- Later, after conflagellating- I
mean confabulating with a nice man, we soon learn from a prisoner…
that the goblins have captured a powerful healer. We indeed find him right after.
The guard doesn’t want to co-operate with me, so it’s time to hit them with the surprise wizard. The druid uses that opportunity to break out, and immediately annihilates a kid. (Goblin kid) Get the guards! The other one attempts to call back-up,
but we’ve brought the local bully with us. Thank you very much Wyll. We then watch as the druid as the druid moves on to mass murder. At this point we’re starting to question the meaning of pacifism. Anyway, we are examined by the druid who then
tells us that he also cannot cure us. But, once we’ve done away with
the leaders of the goblins, he can still help us in… other ways. (Halsin) Three deaths could win us peace... Sounds like a lot of fighting... but not by my (Shadow)hand. (Ogre) We will keep close. When you are ready, sound the horn. (Enjoy the ensuing slaughter) Eventually, we had to rest in-between
the battles to recover our spells. And that’s when Wyll got VERY horny. (Thank you Astarion) (Ogre) I’ve but one last battle in me. (Time for more blood) Now that we’ve brought peace to this place,
it’s time to wrap up any loose ends and head down towards the next area.
Follow me underground the next time, where I’ll be going through Amsterdam
to find the managers of Bluetooth.
