Company of Heroes is a Perfectly Balanced Masterpiece

you know they should be careful about who they call a company of heroes because from the moment they put me in charge I'll be doing my best to turn this from a company of heroes to a company of war criminals cuz po-boy is indiscriminate artillery effective hey guys I'm vill fisk but you probably knew that and welcome to company of [ __ ] heroes oh this game oh man this is definitely one of my all-time favorites out of all the old RTS as I played thus far this one for me has by far the most playtime I think I probably got around 3 or 400 odd hours between both Steam versions and my old disc wherever that one so as you can probably guess we're here today to play some skirmishes now just in case you haven't realized this from past videos I'm not exactly here to win this game as best I can I'm here to try and meme my way to victory so with that in mind of the four factions this game offers two of them are both roughly equal on levels of [ __ ] and that's the British and the Panzer elite now we will get to the Panzer relief someday cuz oh boy do I want to use some of their stuff but for this video we're going with the British because well that's a great idea as you will soon see now as for the map we're playing the classic one of my personal favorites and I hope I'm pronouncing this right a Calise River now if you know how this map works and you know that I'm playing the British you know what a stupid idea this is but for the rest of you you'll find out in a minute but with all that sorted out let's jump right in alright lads here we go right so the first thing we got to do is immediately start coming out and capturing these now the thing about this map that I was alluding to earlier is as you can see especially from the mini-map actually it's cut into multiple sections right so we have like our base section here the enemy base section and then like these three islands in the middle right so the problem here is that the the bridge is to all but one of these islands are destroyed for us right and so we have to repair them to get across now the thing about the British is they don't actually get engineers like every single other faction until later so I actually can't repair any of these meaning I can't like get into here until he's after see like there there you go he's already repairing his bridge and there's no way for us to do it so yeah this is a problem all right so as per our commander section we are obviously gonna go Royal commandos you'll you'll see why oh hell yeah we got our [ __ ] bread and carry her clown car things even better once we mount another Vickers gun on it's basically just a rolling pillbox with no health now arguably the best part about the British is the fact that they can just pack up their headquarters and just move it somewhere else which is it's great it's great it means you can just keep retreating and not have to worry about your base ok they're their bridge is done which means they are about to get here and now that we're here we're just going to set up some machine-gun emplacements so that they can't repair this bridge and therefore this island is always going to be ours all right there we go we got our next command centre which lets us bring in finally sappers which are our version of Engineers and some really shitty light tanks which I probably won't use it's quiet it's too quiet how are they doing you haven't even fully captured their their middle Island which is just uncontested right now coz I have no way of getting to them all right there we go we've got some sappers so now we can start repairing this middle bridge where are they I don't understand yeah we haven't seen a thing oh okay here they are they have an mg team sitting in the [ __ ] house oh they're gone Oh Pookie thankfully we have a mortar team so we can bombard them if they try and take either of these points and I think yeah okay so we should just be able to gun them down if they go for that point as well which is quite helpful Oh what the [ __ ] why they're repairing this bridge the hell Oh what was that noise [ __ ] me it's like I'm playing alien isolation already I'm hearing noises in the dark and I can't see what's making them someday this will be finished someday the [ __ ] is making that noise what is it I don't understand all right we have basically all of our forces arrayed here ready to make the crossing we're gonna send the Bren carrier off on his own first cuz I can I can afford to lose him he's not worth as much as these infantry squads it's done bridges complete we're moving in all right where are these [ __ ] come on come out hmm completely empty you say this is very suspicious oh there they are open fire [ __ ] me they've got multiple snipers the whole [ __ ] oh no don't let him get the church Oh God oh hell yeah okay we've got commandos [ __ ] this Vickers is gonna die nope it's dead [ __ ] I run away though that's good all right boys we're gonna call in the big guns we're gonna call in the commandos how [ __ ] yeah oh and if you don't know this thing can this thinkin's spawn more commandos if it's in your territory as well all right we're gonna build a big fuck-off howitzer on this island right okay maybe a little to the right we don't want to block the road I just run in a way this is this is a very poor performance from the AI thus far I'm honestly quite surprised I swear they're usually more competent than this oh I don't like seeing those snipers lurking over here in the back yeah they're dead hold the line come on oh [ __ ] oh the snipers oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] all right we got to use the marksman ability oh hello got our [ __ ] 25 pounder guys spawn the bridge let's just hit it all right we're gonna pull out the not look not the big guns but the little guns instead we're just gonna spawn a tank in in their base Oh Oh what's this this is a medical building you say they've got casualties in there Oh like I give a [ __ ] Vail war crimes fist does not give a crap about your normal sensibilities oh the medical house is on oh oh god the sniper oh no whatever could I do about the sniper the [ __ ] are there yes got him by the [ __ ] there you go hell yeah that's all so just let's just bring in another squad of commandos why not Oh what the [ __ ] was that oh [ __ ] uh oh [ __ ] okay get get in here we're gonna plant a satchel charge of this this thing is satchel charges are supposed to destroy bridges but we're gonna use it on this tank just just don't move just sit still yes that's right don't mind the commando squad planting satchel charge I get out of there oh [ __ ] that was less effective than I was hoping it would be runaway commandos oh wait what the [ __ ] where did these guys come from what in the hell oh they rebuilt that Oh goddamn it alright we're gonna we're just gonna start blowing up bridges here I'll [ __ ] I just killed two of those commandos by mistake all right get in there and retake this point Oh for [ __ ] sake oh that's such [ __ ] all right get in there hurry up I can hear the tank I can hear it oh oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] they're repairing the bridge okay okay okay you try and hit the engineers let's build a big fuck-off eighty gun like here what these guys come from okay now we're not playing this game commandos get in there and deal with this no we're not having this there we go [ __ ] sake where do they even come from they must spend the guys capturing this island [ __ ] sake oh my god I missed it I killed another tank what's up let's call in some commandos you just wreak some havoc over here in the back recommend us go go take that point oh they're getting hit by mortars oh they are [ __ ] well they're dead then all right there's only two of them left these boys are gonna do it two lads on a gap year in France oh there they are get him up and there they're running away all right oh [ __ ] no only one lad left oh poor guy Oh [ __ ] mine [ __ ] all right my next objective I think I'm going to try and set up a radio triangulate earthing with maximum maximum effect on their base so I'm gonna try and put one in this corner and one in that corner because that way I'll basically be able to see all of their units moving around she'll be very helpful all right commandos get in there all right first order of business you get into the very corner and you build a triangulate er oh oh there's guys oh [ __ ] what's that Oh see take gun [ __ ] I should probably just back off a little bit oh they're moving up [ __ ] they're pushing us in we're getting pushed back oh [ __ ] why did they just keep putting mines all over their points it's almost like they know I'm trying to do this oh god damn there was only three of you left we're gonna set up we're gonna set up a trench gonna World War one try and hold this out all right we have the points we're gonna send in to commit this squad basically into their base for lack of a better better term up out that's about as close as we can get unfortunately the game developers did have the foresight to just outright prevent you oh [ __ ] I've got an mg Ness there all right get around go around sorry to tell you guys but your survival is not the priority here just hurry up hurry up get in there put the triangle and device in there we go oh look at that look at that triangle [ __ ] me I can see basically their whole base hello caucus and get out of there okay so they have an anti-tank gun there they have I'm guessing that's their tank there some infantry they really don't have much it's almost like when you take away their entire economy they can't build things anymore it's kind of weird now we're just gonna walk past and see if I could just do that with the smoke ability smoke keep walking keep walking you can't see us where oh [ __ ] they can oh my god run rod keep running keep running no casualties no casualties oh oh no oh [ __ ] we need more reinforcements bring in another school another glider Ron throw a nade Oh what the [ __ ] was that that was you just killed your own guys there we go all right we're in cover they're not uh they're not allowed together get their wounded just kill the medics that's not a war crime right that's fine also we've now finally gotten the the last two abilities in this tree which aren't really that useful unless you're playing a multiplayer but one of them is a decoy artillery smoke which which does that they I can sometimes respond to that but usually doesn't and the other one is real artillery so you never know which is which let's kill those engineers can't can't have them Oh [ __ ] God rested peace you legless armless man I love how I basically it what I've done here is I just cut them off from actually doing anything this game and I'm just [ __ ] around with commandos in the back but just honestly this that's what this game is all about really oh [ __ ] they're about to repair this bridge though alright hold on commandos you got to get in there oh [ __ ] alright this is why I have the 80 gun come on did it really just miss that it's right there [ __ ] me oh they got two of them as well all right bomb that one there we go main gun destroy it just hand them in well let's just bomb the [ __ ] out of them fire everything we have we need to push them back and blow this bridge all right hit that area with everything you have holy [ __ ] oh hell yeah oh [ __ ] hell yeah okay we got him we got him there fortunately what I really need let's get this squad I really really need a machine gun and nest like here ah [ __ ] all right but you guys back out of there oh god we're losing this point I think it's about time guys we we get some tanks of our own alright let's hope this is gonna work oh [ __ ] they pushed in way past this artillery barrage [ __ ] alright there is there is a chance here now right cuz they have now pushed up there's a chance we might be able to get in here and blow the bridge without them stopping us commandos if this is all on you there we go flanking maneuver alright pull the bridge quick come on commandos this is what you were born to do oh [ __ ] mm mortar team just got me good two of the bombs were in place [ __ ] alright we only got half the bombs in place fire all mortars fire everything we have destroy that bridge yes there we go Oh would you look at that we have got it we have a pair of Cromwell's now this last commando squads holding an effort there in the in the corner of the map seem to have a rather large concentration of troops moving this way are they gonna try oh I really hope they don't go for the commando so it's the commando there's three of them left right now they let's not be that morbid alright there we go we've got the command tank which means now we can bring in [ __ ] fire flies which is good all right our tank squad is almost assembled let's let's repair this main bridge it's almost time for a direct attack all right the crews here guys three cromwell's and two Sherman's I am feeling fairly confident about this dam he also has kind of figured out that I just kept spotting things and over here so now he's just sitting here with an armored car so why don't we bring in some commandos like over here it's other than this one mg nest oh [ __ ] oh that's not good get over get away get away [ __ ] they've got two snipers in there as well all right it's there move in all right we need to hit all this infantry though this is kind of absurd all right everyone beeline for that anti-tank gun show we already lost the tank kill the anti-tank gun all right move in we're gonna Tetrarch as well why not Oh kill that thing he'll [ __ ] yeah all right we've got them by the penis now oh holy [ __ ] they have a king tiger are you kidding me oh [ __ ] all right call it call it the earth strike got that thing Oh God Oh God I don't know if I can kill that like I've got a lot of Tanks but that's a king tiger all right it's turned around for us for some reason hit it now hit it now assume we can do a little bit of damage I don't understand why but these tanks are very insistent that they must get up close and personal with this thing well that's right boxed up in boys box them in I think I think we'll be able to do this it is pinging off the armor but I've only got three tanks left this thing's almost dead though yes oh god damn oh that was almost that was a three pointer right there so annoying he's just sitting there trying to repair his own base while I destroy it oh yeah I'm pretty sure we've got this this thing in the bag at this point there we go all right now kill the engineers and I think that'll be it no that's not it oh yes it is he'll [ __ ] yeah we did it hundred kills 99 lost is all but it was really sad as he has 96 kills which means I killed three by friendly fire alright well that was company of heroes where we will be coming back to this game because oh man there's there's still so much more we have not done thank you guys for watching and I will see you next time

Channel: Valefisk

Views: 956,440

Rating: 4.8252735 out of 5

Keywords: company of heroes, coh, coh 2, company of heores 2, company of heroes funny moments, eu4, hoi4, vic2, stellaris, eu4 memes, hoi4 memes, hoi4 multiplayer, stellaris memes, cities skylines, cities skylines memes, rts, gaming, cities skylines industries, funny clips, funny montage, highlights, funny, red dead redemption 2, nostalgia

Id: NckPhuhzGWk

Length: 18min 27sec (1107 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 29 2018