Comedians Most Savage Burns

i used to date this incredible looking woman just beautiful i mean we're still together but she's letting herself go it's if they're an ugly woman at the back going boo [Laughter] what sorry rude so sorry when i said there's an ugly woman on the back you went he's talking to me yeah yeah rude i mean [Applause] self-esteem there's nothing i can do about your self-esteem that's why they call it self-esteem what's your name adam kelly i'm gonna go soft on you like every man that's ever seen you naked how old were you when you when you did when you said i got to do this so you're drinking you're non-course 18 yeah i was 17. wow i didn't did i ask you when a man touched you or when you started doing stand-up i come out and it's my trademark i tend to maybe jump around a little bit what do you really think about it i think you're making a fool of yourself i know it's awkward being here with hitler anne because you sold a lot more books than he did but lately his is getting way too popular again hitler make yourself mind comfortable you look nervous are you nervous yeah i think i left the oven on wow face and shaq you are gigantic that suit is bigger than the one against harvey weinstein the excellent spotlight has been nominated yeah the uh the catholic church are furious about the film as it exposes the fact that five percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment roman polanski called it the best date movie ever jonathan likes to think of himself as an innovative free thinking tv maverick and fashion icon whilst the rest of us like to think of him as bradley walsh but with longer hair jonathan stopped drinking alcohol for 10 years although sadly no one told his haggard old face yeah you can tell right yeah i know right [Music] that was that was angry woman energy right there you hear that she was like i've dated this type before no accountability are you in a relationship miss yes slightly married well there you go how do you pop the question so no wow that's great because if she says no he can just push her you know [Applause] bob newhart made the claim that he was my closest friend i have never met bob newman i'll put it to you another way bob newhart goes to many gay parties i'll never get used to that like to me i always go by the ocean and to me the ocean is east but it's actually west all right it's actually south in l.a if you're looking at if you're at venice you're looking south oh andrew oh andrew someday you're gonna make somebody a happy spouse it's actually south if you uh look at a map and see the trajectory of the longitudinal attitude thank you andrew themeless how is it possible that courtney love looks worse than kurt cobain [Applause] when i first met jimmy carr i thought wow jeff dunham's puppets are getting amazing jimmy you look like a butler in a haunted mansion oh julia roberts you live next to me at the beach you know that thanks for all the visits anyway uh i'm living about two blocks from the broad never shows up come by and say hello we're closer than two blocks i have no lines julia just not anyway [Music] and now uh on to larry the cable guy this this is exciting i gotta tell you i've never roasted a fake character before maybe next year we can roast spongebob squarepants you know i've always heard that david hasselhoff has sold millions in germany but like a lot of stories out of germany those numbers are probably inflated if not a complete hoax you're in the air core yes i am hours with your eyes put a rubber band on your can and you can take off you're a big son of a gun all right guys you ever think of putting a window on your face and becoming a building someone's alarm does that mean i have to wrap up my set they're like that was it we have something big what was the alarm for i'm curious i used to have one of those to feed my grandma but she wasn't a plant she was a vegetable so you know [Applause] [Music] look at all these beautiful people here to pay tribute to you the senator rich little poor linda on the end paul if you want to order do it now the kitchen's going to close sorry about your seat paul why don't you get a pillow so you can see us the irishman was amazing it was amazing um look it was my face it was great long but amazing um it wasn't the only epic movie once upon a time in hollywood nearly three hours long leonardo dicaprio attended the premiere and by the end his date was too old for him even prince andrew is like come on leo mate you know you're nearly 50 son um and one of the girls explained to me half why you have seven women you know one to put it in and the other six to move you around phyllis stiller you're a dear friend and i must tell you god bless you god has given you the way you look do not be ashamed of it when you were born you probably hit the wall say what it was thank you get down funky okay get back up here lily look at me i'm on national tv i'm so happy to be here i can drop a log here we go okay voila they bleep that one here we go i just want to say um richard's come a long way in 18 years not funny but true 18 years ago they'd greet him in small time town tube let me take that back okay 18 years ago they greet him in small towns by tying a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree then they try and hang him with it all i can say though is this man's a genius now who else can take all the forms of comedy slapstick satire mime and stand up and turn it into something that'll offend everyone no but this man doesn't want any frills on his show all he wants is a loose director a tight script and a warm place to rehearse [Applause]

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 296,507

Keywords: comedians savage moments, savage burns, savage roasts, savage roasts compilation, funny, roast, comebacks, insults, celebrity, comedians, best roast moments, the roast of, bill burr, jimmy carr, jeff ross, ricky gervais, sam morril, don rickles, funny roast, comedy, laugh planet, laughplanet

Id: PIe0vclO4cs

Length: 8min 51sec (531 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 21 2022