#CoffeeWithBDM Dating Demystified with Benjamin Zulu

so so that yes people say you can't date friends date anyone friend is better because they're leaders fewer surprises there are fewer surprises you know you don't have too much elementary introductions my name is my name is at least you're starting from my point yes do not friends on a potential mate that is the rule what about if you've been friends for long but those those are romance the better no no your friends no no romance no anything so how do you kick in the romance gear it's the work of the brother now let me tell you good morning good afternoon good evening whatever time you could be watching this program what a joy it is for us to come to you wherever you are whether it's facebook whether it's tv whichever channel you could be using it is such a joy to bring coffee with bdm again we've been looking forward to just coming and just being a blessing to you i can't wait every friday if you just come and just share some things and scratch ways eating as they say and today is going to be a hot hot subject on relationships i have one of the best guests that you can think about who is going to come and just talk to us but what a joy this is a time for you to share this please you can just press that button don't be lazy about sharing it takes little energy just to share so somebody's life can be changed this is coffee with bdm god bless you as we launch into this wonderful program this wonderful afternoon my guest with me today is none other than famous benjamin zulu a man who has been known to talk about relationships in a deep way in ways that few can i am so thrilled to have our guest today he has a master's degree in psychology holds a degree in law has shows which have got a great following and i know that you're set in for a treat my dear guests benjamin zulu please welcome welcome baby thank you how are you doing thank you the first time i saw you i was really thrilled man were you thank you and i thought you're from south africa i have brothers there maybe yeah it's kenyan bantu i mean bantu is a lot of names yeah yeah so as of uh i've seen a lot of your teachings and i like them oh thank you we learn from each other i'm humble i love it tell me about law and psychology you know i thought you'd have a masters in law you know law is what you get if you get good grades but you don't know where you're going yeah with good grades sometimes i can't send a blessing a cast because you open too many doors and you get confused when you have a good head and you're not in touch with your heart you're bound to get lost those kids who score a sometimes get lost at a higher rapidity than those whose causes you're saying what you just said those who have uh good head but don't are not in touch with their heart are bound to get lost okay we have invented telescopes to look out into space microstop look into things we cannot see but was invented that self scope to see what you're made of so i scored that good grade and of course when you get s you must go for the big five yes and the big five is seeing engineering architecture law you must be something mentioned about something respectable can you talk about teaching when you're whenever you're wasting a grade bachelor of arts in psychology what's that we need something with a name so i i was so um i found myself in law and it's a good reputable respected but my heart wasn't there okay when you have a kid who is shocked please teach the kid to get in touch with what they feel what they want their heartbeat greatness is not found in law or medicine or any it's found in doing what you love you will make it great even if it had no name our own church will hear this daniel has invented an industry literally of his own by joking jokes you know you know he did teaching and the mother still tells him i'm still waiting for you to get a job i saw you laughing on tv joking around those jokes are the job for him so i started law but i kept feeling i don't want to be confined to a courtroom yeah fixing blame i want to go to life and fix issues okay yeah so law was my beginning point the good thing is i tell people sixty percent of people in kenya don't pursue what they studied first degree so don't let it become a decree yeah a binding thing yeah yeah unlimiting thing yeah let it be starting point so i felt like i wanted to go to the center of life wow something motivational something that's your heartbeat exactly today it feels so good i feel excited when i have a thing like this to do amazing it's such a joy to have you benji thank you man amazing amazing and i'm so glad that you're pursuing you know your heartbeat and your passion you know i saw something written here and i told my friend these guys have written here no small dreams here and i don't know the bishop looks like a free guy just an easy spirit i love this i love sometimes you have men christianity look confining serious like god is a privilege to morality look in terms of you to strike you with lightening if you sin you know it's it's a relief to find a person with a big name like bishop and you don't have to bow seven times before you where yes i feel i i i told my one of these days you should worship here just to feel the atmosphere wow you know i'm so happy you can have conversations inside christian value systems yeah inside the walk with god and still be real yes you know many christians cannot be real as you reduce godliness let's reduce your seriousness with god so i'm so happy to have this space where there's a guy who's contact i know sometimes you say things about christ remember i'm one of us yes i'm speaking from outside very true i told people never take criticism from a person you didn't take advice from so i don't want outsiders to criticize christians you don't know what you do exactly you don't you're not so don't tell us what you're doing wrong you don't know you're not doing the right things of christianity why are you complaining about the wrong things of it so fast be in line with god before you tell us guys he in here can we do things better so i told first of all i believe that we are called to jesus said i don't pray that you remove them from the world is john 17 people call it the real lord's prayer some people nicknamed it where jesus don't take them away but keep them from evil give us to be sought to have effect while we are here okay and we do so for me i'm very glad this is coming from a platform of church because majority person of kenyan population identify themselves as christians yes whether they practice it or not that's how they identify themselves and if it comes from the power pity to have a lot of say there's no there's no bigger influential group in kenya than pastors bishops that is the most influential group and when the truth comes from that side it will penetrate to many many people don't see what they hear from the purpose so can we give them the right thing then so for me i'm very appreciating and i wish we did it more and more thank you thank you so much thank you for coming thank you now coming to our subject of relationships big big subjects okay big big big subject it looks like absolutely it's in church where brethren approach sisters and they don't know how to say hi in church brethren what about jesus what about sisters what about jesus it's the brothers who approach let me know let me ask you let me ask you because okay it's normal it's given that a brother should approach should sisters approach then what's next approach me i like you yes then a sister can approach but how far can she take well it's it's the age where you know we're all the same the geneva convention listen i mean civilizations change but human nature never changes we had analog we have digital with our post digital post mode and post whatever but human nature dictates that the man is the hunter by instinct can a woman the woman is the woman is the hunter she's the one who has to be shown affection love treated like a queen the psychology of a woman the psychology of a woman is to be treasured what about these women who want to lead let them lead other women only themselves leave their children not to lead the man because sometimes you have men who you know they're just dead bits you know they have to be led he's the wrong man get a man who is a life beat but not you you know very well today the boy child most boy boy child are lost they have no sense of responsibility or anything or women are crying good men are rare but they are there the market the market could be full of rotten potatoes but we still have good potatoes your time in searching believe you you deserve one but what about the ratio is your god affected by racial or is he affected by your destiny and what he created you for well you didn't read what they said that we've got uh more women and fewer men so it looks like there's a scramble for me i read what they said and i read also what he said that he planned your life before he started it and if there is scarcity you say like jacob he planted when there was farming and he still ripped hundred fold i still believed to find a good woman can i surprise you when you're a brother and you're dating that's when you realize the good men are also so hard to find creatures in scots are everywhere if you close your eyes and fall at random you will fall on one you follow one of them but to find a wife wife a woman with virtue self-discipline suffering prayerful open-minded progressive on the move who can support you keep keep you hold you up and not want to create a woman could stand with you for years those ones are for you so let's not cry too much about which are we forgetting good gout is that the reason why the bible says he that finds a wife exactly finds a good thing and obtains favor you need favor from the lord one of my favorite verses is actually in that book probably chapter 3 that says proverbs 3 then 3 and 4 says that don't don't let mercy and the truth desert you greet them on the tablet of your heart then you shall fight high esteem i read new king james highest team in the favor in sight of god and men okay i will go there a little bit mercy means that some things you're going to need it from god however good you are mercy also you show mercy to those who below you so the thing we are saying today is relationships in church become uh because brethren over spiritualize when they were supposed to be practical so the one thing is you need to be believe and pray for the wife then go out there and hunt and look and prepare yourself mentally to go searching sisters even if she's saved she does not want someone on a date don't come with a huge bible and bang it on the table and don't say that god told you to marry me if he told you he should also tell me when he talked to joseph he talked to mary he's not another of confusion when he talks to one he talks to the other and he doesn't want you to to god doesn't want to be quoted in manipulation and background about these dreams that people have you know dream he gave me the dream to comfort you not to confront me with it no but i had a dream listen there's some guys who have a dream you know i was dreaming i was under a tree me too you know and i saw you bring a fruit me too i dreamed the same but how many people can claim to have dream you see in law we say unverifiable evidence is not presentable in court listen you don't come to tell me things that i cannot verify so because it's not a god of confusion he was but it bishop you might have realized what about matchmaking then by who some men of god even match make people in the church if you are even some even some moses you must make me with this system even what says even traditionally a man you can be brought a wife in the house and they tell you this your good wife and what have you what about my matchmaking god created eve but he did not much make he he perretted eve for adam to choose what is good for me he didn't have a choice did he you can take me that direction to as far as you want you never seen a woman you seen animals beasts so compared to what he was dealing with this was like me so that's what i'm saying he didn't have an option no he had an option you know you're dealt with other gorillas that are so even when people match me they suggest it's me to choose listen in philosophy let's we're saying philosophy you're just as good as your options yes no but you're as good as your options but as long as there's a b c d so the options of adam was you is it this is another option which is usually not written there called none of the above it used to be then so you remember the same class of philosophies reasoning logic and conclusion i agree so once once people suggest brothers try to match make every day who doesn't want to meet two people and they marry you feel like you've brought something to be you feel like you come so in church today you're struggling with where where to draw the line between practicality and faith okay i have many many sisters who are saying they want a godly brother but not a religious mascot not a religious fanatic not a brother i remember these are three addicts just they addicted all of the alcoholic we are used to alcoholics then we have workaholic then chachaholic okay let me ask you okay let me ask you coming back to relationships how do you how do you make the other person know that you're available or whoever thank you for bringing that up sisters make sure your dressing says this is my season do not you shall not dress like your mother praise the lord but it doesn't mean you dress in a man that is unprincipled or that says that sinful no there's a clear demarcation between a person is dressing to cover as much as possible your mother dresses the man that says to a simian keep your distance you should dress in a mother tells brothers you wanna talk teasing playful easy that doesn't say you are taken that's geography matter if you are studying rifter valley geography matters shape you need to dress in a manner that captures your shape you know it's no matter that it's a little bit easy and i tell ladies avoid flat shoes except when you have a back problem when you're pregnant when you're older try to put you that as a heel it a little bit gives you a lift literally you feel better some lift and you walk with grace a hill moderates your pace so that you don't walk like a chicken or an old mama cha cha cha and you look just like you you dress no matter that enhances your feminine presence that commands attention that ends that draws the response men must fantasize you before they marry you no man marries a flat woman did you see that sister which is oh yeah there was somebody i can't marry you when you're like that you must startle and a mesmerized oh my god do you know that lady and then she was not even talking to us but i i look for this one excuse me where are the restrooms from here what do you do my name so i'll look for anything to start conversation what if you came dressed flat in an oversized t-shirt and a very long oversized trouser and looking like in prayer and fasting yeah the latrines are over there and the other sisters who don't have their natural voice they prayed or sang and they destroyed all of it and they're talking about hopes she summarizes what she's saying soon and now come also back to brothers i tell sisters refine you make sure even on phone you have that voice that is childlike and playful don't punctuate everything with a men and hallelujah don't call me brother i'm trying to date you call me ben what's wrong with you don't friend zone me in the name of a so some brothers have some sisters of candidates all around but you keep pushing all of them to friend zone friends on brother zone in the name of no actually i tell brothers the moment you ever you start having eyeing a sister in a romantic manner don't use the word sister avoid it just call her maggie she was that and if there's a short form of her name and she prefers use it begin to appear in that air they're about to see you in that bubble of a possibility so dating in church one of the things you need to realize in brethren is it is it's okay to be romantic so it's okay people ask whether it's christians should they date whether it's a christian deity and tell them avoid that word and simply say researching so there's no christianity you know it's people are uncomfortable with it because it's been abusive just like meditation it's what isaac was doing came from but other other people have used it and abused it christians are afraid of it so they avoid the world so tell them if you are uncomfortable dating just say searching or researching on a path home so meet up talk or talk on phone or chat one thing i encourage you to take best photos of you and share them on whatsapp status share them on facebook check in books also in books hyenas will inbox you but good people also inbox you respond to those who deserve response interact talk normally you come the best way to check with that brother is really godly is his values his decisions his behavior day by day anybody who anybody can talk what they think you want to hear but what cannot be faked is their values their sisters who if they give us juice and they see me sip the tea before i pray she rules me out that's so supervision total supervision some of us pray in the morning for everything we eat that day you know so you know and you know because like me i think very fast and i might not remember to pray because you know so check about my my view wow you need a person with a god view not just world view okay uh let me use the word dating because that's what is used hoping it's not going to be abused uh are there questions that you must ask and must know from the person you're dating what are the questions you must thank you what do you want to establish in dating and and i told her i like you because you're a free spirit let's go to the world that is easy language make communication easy okay so we're going to use dating to mean when you meet to check whether you're compatible are we together audience we are meeting to check whether it can work between us do you mean okay you answer that and then i'll ask you then let me a secret question does dating end exactly we can end on the first date i'm saying like this for instance for married people now we continue romancing each other loving each other we can change the terminology okay the answer the first one thank you so dating us two connotations when we enter into relationships we can say we are dating each other but that's our relationship are we together i'm saying when you just do a meeting that's a date together so when you are doing meetings with people you can say i'm in the dating season are we together the semantics here are shallow but it's not confusing so when you meet you must find out don't be interrogated because you're interrogative i'll give you the answers i give in in interviews giving them the frame that i think they're looking for the best way is to be conversational and very observant be conversational actually create hypothetical situations to hear my opinions say that a friend of you has had this guy and actually he wanted to see what i would do there's no friend of yours like that that's wisdom this is a thing like between lying and wisdom is the motive if you create a fictitious story to find what i'm thinking you're not wicked you're not just wise okay that's not lying so big conversation and observant and easy but also prob ask those things about their life where they were and instead of asking anybody why do you want to see other five years to come anybody can say anything that's where they were five years ago see whether there's a practical improvement if there's no practical improvement if they have not moved they are not moving the biggest mismatch in christianity is you are settler marries an achiever it can't work a lady with open-minded progressive ones better thinking laundry no small dreams here i was being taught by bishop and the nurse i've executed to manifest my best potentials but the guy is a risk avoider very settled and compliant and you know even walks within a straight line praise the lord and you know very fearful they do the same job for that yes no progress they leave the company when the company dies when the directors die and live again and they started with it because they just just said they avoid any change and the sister wants better drinking of this doing those people are incompatible even if both are prayerful because all the 12 spies believed in god only two believed in themselves what makes what makes people compatible many things but one the biggest thing is energy okay energy is a scientific word vibe is the street word spirit is the christian world can you repeat that in science they call it energy in street they call it vibe in church we call it spirit so if you have the same spirit that's when you can walk but because spirit has several uses in church we need to explain that's why i use the other languages to get it and in the estate they call it psych exactly we can call it do we think the same do we have the same rhythm do we have the same pace of life are we on the move when we talk can you have conversations that are endless don't marry a person you can't talk even if she looks sexy you'll not be having sex 99 of the time you need someone who can converse talk and intrigue each other i i enjoy when i call my girl just to show us some green environmentally so look at this i love it me too oh my take me bring me there you know just jokes if you cannot you need a relationship where there are more light moments than the serious ones more jokes and testimonies you know you know i always tell the church you know i always uh when i'm coming to church in the office in the morning i see couples and i can tell people who are married and those ones because they're very serious it's like i had mastered people it's a headmaster they only talk official things uh even if you get the right sister you still have to cultivate that ease that easiness vary your experiences and learn what she likes and rhyme with that my girl likes traveling so i make sure every week we're out of nairobi somewhere just somewhere to make sure i give a good all you share is love us our memories yeah don't say we have been married for 20 years methuselah's or lived it for 969 years then he died time means nothing it's what you do with the time i think you know there's so many people who are enduring this thing instead of enjoying it exactly and because of too much image and saying you know we've been married for 20 years but they look so sad they need you saying i hope i don't become like you guys actually most people don't even want marriage now they don't want it you know because of what they've seen and bishop you have noticed my generation is very liberal a little bit defiant even they want to go the opposite of their parents yeah you know so the thing is today's generation you can't tell them you you god has divorced you cannot shame god by that you make sure no no no no no no preach practicality they will listen practically let me ask you then yes people say you can't date friends no you better date a friend because there's no much too much surprise they say don't date friends you know you know them you've been with them you know you should not date friends is that true date anyone friend is better because they're little fewer surprises there are fewer surprises you know you don't have too much elementary introductions my name is my name is at least you're starting from my point yes do not friends on a potential mate that is the rule don't friendzone them if you like this system what about how do you kick in the romance gear it's the work of the brother now let me tell the you must be the hunter there's an art to hunting so to switch the sister from seeing you like a brother because they tend to say you have been in my life solo then you'll be if you're not careful she will be married and on the wedding you'll be there and the boy can believe or die you'll be reduced to a very disgraceful task of seeing her being taken away and inside you are tormented because you knew this was a quality woman but you procrastinated with the fear because you're saying i don't want to introduce romance and lose their friendship there comes a point to someone you calculate your even if i don't married somebody will take away so so i might as well hey my loser i just lose what else you know so sometimes it's a man take the risk man so organize a romantic dinner that's one way when she has a birthday make sure you stand out like a prince charming now that she's your friend now that she's your friend you know her tastes use that information another stranger comes from outside comes to study you sing elementary and picture you must be a fool wake up if you realize this sister is good for you look for occasions to make her think romantical number one is during her events women's day women's day is very high key mentally low-key we shall talk about it another day but one of the reasons because men hardly remember their own by the day oh today is my birthday by the way are you joking i'm serious is lucky we don't value days too much we are not relational we are work oriented we celebrate the completion of the church foundation more than the birthday we celebrate our goal more than badly let me ask you how does um you talked about women preparing for dates how does a man prepare for date the man prepares for this first of all by making sure he is financially organized you don't have to have the money or the car if you can it's okay but many times is the one will help you climb faster but you must put to the foundation have marketable skills even if it's a small job but you're putting your best heart to it laziness is in by the way all lazy men are incapable of being husbands announcement stop trying to marry impossible men ladies you know when i was growing up and there's all that thought one of the songs that really challenged me i was a small boy by that time i used to go to carnival and there's a song they used to play there you've got to have a j-o-b if you wanna be with me i said allah you have dropped my day with me i like it continue imagine there's a message there imagine there's a point there if a brother cannot pay for and i tell brett it's a taboo for brother to borrow the sister is dating money it's a taboo that's a disqualifier ladies don't lend him money he's dating you you are setting a president and you will carry the financial budget in that relationship that's good you need to say that again man do you know the number of women who are used by lazy boys you know they keep on borrowing money from the ladies brother needs to borrow he should borrow from his boyfriend these guys not the woman every man occasionally needs is stuck somewhere i know women who even take loans to give their boyfriend imagine these women do too much there's a book called women who try to hurt i think my team lies stop trying too hard women and i i need to only women that if you mentor him rectify him put him together we are visiting him he is not a husband he is a project after you help him release him to the world praise the lord do not rehabilitate to marry it's impossible so marry a man who can challenge you lead you mentor you go at your pace and once you match there's an ascendancy you don't match them guys so our brothers prepare brothers prepare number one by i i graduated 2012 with a law but i knew i don't work in school like i'm an advocate i want to set find my career so i said i will only date five years from today when i have marketable skills and i started masters in 2014 finished in 2016 and i started dating when i graduated with masters now i could see clients i was not getting enough money but i would pay my rent i could pay my i could finance the girl together i was just scraping here but i had so much focus and i knew what i was doing and i was putting the foundation the girl could see in it's only a matter of time and you're the one thinking of a date she's not taking for you she's not paying for you the dates no lunch and dinner what the ladies won't pay for days what they're paying nowadays they're paying nowadays you don't know listen if a guy takes a woman to a restaurant he doesn't have money why was he going to the restaurant he gives stories oh on the message that's con game and dishonesty and that shows you he's either unprepared or incapable of being a husband you need a man who is capable who's prepared so for me i i would take i took many girls to two rivers using uber and many costed me until i added to a missouri but you see this is the work of hunting it's the work of hunting the hunter doesn't count how many arrows who are lost he doesn't count how many misses he only knows only one hit will sort him out so a brother should be courageous a brother a brother so i inboxed many girls on facebook many some will take me behind and bash me i don't know whether she's taken or not please let his right single on your facebook okay indicate that you're single make it easier for searching brothers and make sure you put a beaming a charming photo of you there it makes it easier for the searching brothers to know single people don't right here we are single we can only send signals by how we dress how we conduct ourselves please help us to see you positioning yourself so and don't forget your facebook some of you forget totally you're in books some would reply to me several months i've tried in books and i'd already found and moved on and i feel angry you you disappointed me why did you know so so i i i searched so much and when i finally met this girl one of the things is she was known to spend the drift for other girls i would spend an average of 5k 5 000 euro that's like 50 for those who so part of what i and that's a lot of money please in case you're done from kenya that's a lot of money from beginning brother so um when i finally met how we spend only 250 on one can of yogurt she told me i already just sit and i said me i don't know the brothers are always full but the top of the pocket so we shared one can of yogurt for the sake of company lying in the grass talking and when we are partying i realized she refused to taxi she said matatus are here why taxi when we are partying i realize i still have money i said what is this i'm used to having johnny is i'll be quite that wrong i'm used to driving to emergency today i'm i have to give him just can i ask you before i forget then that you dated so many you took too many to too many women to two rivers how do you date many without hurting them i'm not promising anything we're just meeting no because you see dating you have to be i don't know for me i think you have to be so careful because you can be dating one after the other how do you do that without having i'm not dating or one after that okay let me let me and they say that one dating can be confused can be confusing i'm just searching and i'm meeting people for us to know each other better simple after the first meeting because when you know what you want you don't need three meetings one is enough when you know what you want you don't need to meet me dress yeah because the problem is you see so many people date so many people and then they end up hurting them because they don't know when to stop and when you tell them you hurt them when you leave them alone and you have no intentions that's when you hurt but if you only meet once we we only meet one you can't tell in one in one meeting man we had luck but but we have been talking on phone nowadays people chat so much by the time they meet so it's not we are meeting to check whether the the the online what i ordered online matches what is delivered yeah i know i know i know you know you know i always i always ask the restaurants does the food look like it is in the picture exactly because the picture looks very nice exactly but does the food look like you know and does it taste like that so so you can meet many people as long as you're not promising any anything jesus meeting men you know i've been accused of by a lot a lot by women that they're hurting sisters in the church you know because he's been with this one yesterday two days with this one tomorrow you know if i if if today we talked to maggie we chatted over coffee after church and you know when you have chemistry you can talk hours for hours yeah so we talked with maggie and that was that way after that we just it's more platonic we are not uh meeting or saying where are you who are you with it was just a friendship catch-up remember i'm not saying i'm trying to marry you you're trying to marry me you're not that fathered so much we know we are both single and we say hey are you busy dude can we take off one of the hours i think my tuesday is good he's right we can wait where's the best player let's meet at some airport where somebody will talk so i was like we don't know each other it was such a good evening have a good morning or something but there's some who have a weakness after the first day they think they're in a relationship it is their problem now not me there's some who think that you know because i hated you once you know we met because if you have been if you have been fantasizing me and i finally called you for one meeting you are likely to start feeling gaps on your own that now you start telling other people that's your problem and probably i don't want one i want to tell us that what if there's a skill you need in life is ability to read intentions to read people discernment is compulsory we're in such a deceptive world where people project on you their fantasies you know if i meet you on a date and you started you know joseph was so hard to me you know nikolaj it doesn't i hope you also don't hurt me am i here for what i'm not dating you you just made for coffee excuse me you better deal with your own stuff so don't tell me about your baggage can we just be friends and flow you know i will finally know we move when we realize our conversations are endless we view the world the same way we talk we have come from that and we talk past midnight again tomorrow we catch up again until we realize hey i think it's the brother now supposed to take charge i tell the sister i've been looking and i think you're good for me if you give me a chance i would like to marry you when do you bring in an authority in a dating game one you always need a mentor who knows better to help you see what you cannot see some sisters are very charming some brothers are very charming so that you see the charm you don't see the character it's the character flaw that you'll end up ruining you not the charm soul was very charming tall that handsome everything but his heart was not right you need a person whose heart is right so from the moment you start entertaining ideas that you might go far with go you alone not with the other person to the pastor or to the mentor you alone there's this sister pastor i met somewhere we met tonight as soon as just you start entertaining the possibility that you might tell her to my man's a compender if you start loving her please involve a person because you have started loving out you have concluded your life no remember because when you start you know you can change your mind exactly and you see the problem is so many men or some women they take so many people to their parents or to a pastor i mean you can bring me like 10 guys and i'm wondering what's wrong with you so this is why i say don't bring the guy come alone come discuss with bishop there's this lady i saw here in fact all the ladies are the interesting my mentor knows them because always tell you this lady this this is how she looks like what are the attributes no no no no okay have you checked abcd okay okay go on keep updating me later on we fell out i discovered some red vlogs on the left okay let's keep on going so i don't bring the girl i discuss it with my mentor because he knows but you can also look confused to me if you come like 10 20 times right i'm not coming with a lady yeah i know you're coming along but you can't be coming and telling me this is this is uh judy this is mary this is part of why people keep introducing because they don't know what they want when i know what i want i will only bring those who who i'm considering seriously so with my mentor i only brought i think a total of two of three but i dated many why i could see there's nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here i finally okay let me follow that when you saw nothing here nothing here when you're dating what is the what are the marks that show you this one is a no no no first or four is a man decide what you want only on three don't write four pages of what you want you'll be confused reduce your irreducible minimums to three just three make them very workable so that you can tell quickly before you check the details are there the fundamentals what are they first of all your appetite the body shape you like that's important brothers do not over spiritualize this do not over spiritualize this there's a girl who ticked all the boxes except she was too small for my liking i was one of those africans who love meat you you like tangibles okay this is sorry sorry sir this is not to say those petite sisters are not no no no please yes i'm just describing my bias yourself so please obey your biases as you decide what you need i'll tell you later that men are marrying their mothers they don't know it but they usually marry the shape of their mothers that's the first feminine touch they experience and that's what they respond to the most so my mother i came to see it later after i studied psychology okay oh this is it many actually many guys marry a lady resembles the mother is the mother who can see it the guy can because he's unconscious it's a mother's even commented are you sure you are not looking for me you also look get the lady who can miss whom you like akita behave you feel is the woman i want you can write song songs for her that's the girl if she gives you that electric shock that's what we need okay number two check whether she's virtuous virtuous is a rich word but is she composing she honestly she calm inside you need a woman who is peaceful inside if she is at war with her mother had to walk with her brother at work with her sister and she hates the lecturers and she hey if she has turmoil inside she is not a wife material no she is not ready to say to for anyone she will bring that chaos to your life you need a woman who is who has peace and grace number three for me i'm telling you the ones i was using yeah development-minded progressive ambitious driven those were my breathings the reason i wanted number one a girl who satisfied my appetite is so that my happy day doesn't continue wondering after i marry her because if you marry a girl who doesn't satisfy you your appetite will still continue moving around and you she will never really fulfill you but i must put a caveat no woman will satisfy everything you have in your mind because you the picture you have in your mind you picked the chest of catch you under the legs of maggies and you added the head of mangina then you created a monster that is not on earth and that's what you're looking most women only have a fraction of what you want so if you get 60 70 percent that's all you can get or not the rest you can find in heaven praise all so so don't look for perfection all right get a woman who excites you and you can work with that and for the men they should the women should look the same for the same women should start with how you make how the man makes you feel sometimes the woman did not have you in mind as a potential mate but when you put the effort and make them feel special and loved and oh my god that's how easy makes me so listen to the way the guy makes you feel after the conversation are you left smiling alone in your sleep you need that sisters don't don't be saying you know you're so godly just calm and harmless to justify the fact that he does not have give you that emotional emotional feel you need that you need a brother who can tell you wow i can't wear your dress today i was thinking of you the whole day just one tell you you made my day thank you and then you smile with wow this one other one calls you out today i was reading second corinthians but that's inspirational man we have enough inspires on youtube this time you want a man who cherishes you makes you feel like a queen do not compromise on that number two for bro for sisters get a guy who has leadership mentorship stability who can be ahead of you and show you who knows where he's going there's some guys are very romantic and they make you laugh so much but sisters make sure the guy makes you laugh even if he's not a comedian let me ask you now that you say that why is it that women are going for foreigners like nigerians and congolese because she it's not she's not after the next the country per se is that particular man that one is getting money but they say they're more romantic than kenyans yeah it's okay remember the woman is looking at the particular man she'll have to deal with in the end not the country per se so if that those guys have a catch of being romantic they will beat you of course because someone wants to but is it true that nigerians and i'm not conducted with such but i know there are better communities have you heard it what i've heard is the nigerians are better cons than us in the west they are notorious for getting women who are doing well i'm not all of them of course but there's many cases i handle so the other thing for women you're going to look at you say the man who knows where he's going a man who is little is ambitiously driven but number three make sure this man is deeply godly deeply prayerful deeply stable if you only stop at number one and two then you marry from other religions you know this guy just he loves me so much for her he supports me and he knows what he is working at his business and then he only stopped there when the money comes women and temptations and alcohol will also come who will tame him you want a man who is so humble and godly people are teachable you don't need to say whether he's teachable as long as he's godly he knows the bible corrects him the word with him so he entertains correction he knows god can use you to show me where i'm falling into a try you know you can be strong enough to tell him no and he says yeah i i respect i actually you are right you know you you need a man who is godly we have wife material and wild material so it's and many times brothers don't know the signs to read the first sign of the wild woman is instability erratic from happy to sad from agreeing to disagreeing if you see a person flipping i want one brothers to leave university students alone those are not wives they are children they don't know where they're going women mature at 25 generally they prefer the thinking part of our brain all of us body genders are 25 but for women from that at 25 they are ready to date moving forward their personality is now more visible they know where they're going their life they can see red flags but for men it's 30 years because after 25 he still has five years of exploration discovering self evangelizing doing caches and it is not the church type is the club if he is not the church type and i hope that's not the type you're going to marry there's two clubbing party after party you know party after but so this there's a wild period for men before they finally ready to commit commitment is not inborn it's land it's a virtue that is developed it's faithfulness is not inborn it's learned and you cannot expect faithful in such a mature vacuum from an image you need a person who has finished before has come full circle and finish the exploration and say i think i'm ready now i think i think i can tame my passions now next time bishop i'll tell you about the two transformations men don't transform after they marry that transformation many times is outward their mind has not yet come home to tame all his passions to the menu and being offered by the wife what about the young guys who married 22 23 they can even and the ladies would get married 17 18. that's right our mothers did it but the thing is what you for fate by marrying three 25 you for fate your dreams you don't cultivate your skills you don't see your visions you don't you miss the opportunity to take off before you marry up here so you marry down here and when you're an eagle you're not marrying a chicken because when they are young they look the same chicken and ego when they're young they look the same so the reason i want you to take off first is what you can tell who else can take over numeric from up here powerful point yes many people many people be shocked many people be shocked they they prioritize the relationship status more than their dream their vision and their calling i want the frustration jesus said my bread my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work job said in tradition i have loved between three to five i valued his word more than my necessary bread i want i wanted to value what god put in you and actualizing your butt and like paul say putting everything aside and stretch forward play hold of that which i want you to value your potentials your dreams and then marriage next okay let me ask you a question then in this light can you fall in love and fall out of love yes if you're only falling because you are falling you can't control and you fall you have a program to follow did you fall in today with your wife i tell you there must be two things three things that make love one you must she must charm you captivate you that's what you call fall in love yeah that's what it is chemistry that's what i mean that one must be there but remember it will be there with other women also next you must choose her that's what makes it impossible for you to go after another one can you get in love and get out of love yes you can decide to abandon a person you can what makes love go cold now listen thank you for that romance is a very strong emotion and it cannot remain that way it would kill us we wouldn't be able to function if you remained the way you were from the day of honeymoon you wouldn't build your jobs you rebuild care you'll be meeting arms day at night you will not be here so love evolves from romantic love to true love stable more dimensional we are still connecting like each other so much we still conform but now there's room for other things like this room for a child room for a job room for a project room for a show so it re-evolved doesn't grow cold the labs that grow colder caused by two things one it was a child childish infatuation of pre-25s those so start loving affairs at under 25 they can't tell whether they will sustain this because the brain is just experimenting loving anything that passes by have you seen the young one over goat do it runs everywhere restlessly that's how your mind your heart emotions are running helter skelter when they are with their new in love affairs and you can't tie a class three a child from eight to five to study on a table they are restless they need to pray to acceleration that's how your young heart is run helter skelter so the one problem is it was a childhood it's what it was a premature it was an which dies naturally the next thing is i'm a good love that was handled immaturely wrongly you're supposed to cultivate it grow together start i tell couples to always have projects always have a project one problem have something you attacking together you're focusing together you're praying about together that thing keeps you moving and focused the other thing is keep you always stay under the tree stay under the word if you fellowship around even if it's a simple thing like the verse you read today you text how you text him oh i like that and me and saw this one make sure that fellowship around the word of god never stops that one keeps the dest keep the death it keeps you thinking bishop by now you know what the vast people share also tells you what they're thinking yes when people pray you can tell what they're thinking yeah you're not just talking to god we also hear in jesus name well they say prayer you pray to god but you can also communicate through prayer exactly so part of what we sometimes when you want to pass a job to a person you pray as they hear god some people here are bothering us better touch them so part of part of why you need to share the word so that we can know where are we now why did that just mean so much to me it's because we are believing god about this we are believing god about this so and and that act of a man women make sure the man can pray for you some of you you got to marry i don't know people of which religions can he pray for you then no i'll allow you to go to church you want to but they not like paul's attraction unlike paul's attract and unlike pause also kill so if you want a marriage that lasts please marry within the family marry from the family of god so that this man can pray over you not just allowing you to go to the church wound will he pray for you the day you'll be sick in trouble down who will lift you if you only say he does not prohibit me this is not about prohibiting support supporting you partnering with you and remember the more you study the word the more it changes the way you think renewing your mind adjusting your god communicating things showing you perspectives you come to sort of you watch the truth like if he has no interest like this you will grow apart talk about abstinence in dating oh that's compulsory brethren listen to me brothers if you're serious with your sister never behave like you want to sleep with her because you'll have taught her your potential sometimes sisters are insecure about brothers because they know their capability if you sleep with her you are showing her what you do with women but the people say you cannot marry them you know somebody that you're not taste driven no just driving is not biological but any men and women generally any men and women generally there is no much just driving needed so if you and if you feel a conviction that the brother might be having starter problems you can see a mechanic doctor to verify for you but bro sisters are very wise they can tell whether you are exactly about them when you hug her she can feel some flags flying in nusa mulingwati and you know so there are many directly when i'm excited about my girl she can see it and also when your girl is affected by you you call her and she start laughing before you say anything you can tell the chemist the sweetness and you know you can tear there's no you know the length of the hugs communicate something and the way they hold each other where you know when you are where people have chemistry when they're walking together and another person is coming and then instead of letting the person pass in between they come to you if it's a good you can see small signs you know part of uh part of what i encourage brothers is you need to make your record impeccable so that after you manage you give you space to perform and do your work you need to show her that you have self-control for you or sister if you let don't allow sex before marriage just so that you can get accepted ask yourself how many people he has done that with how many people you will do that with after you you need to you need a man how much should a man reveal in terms of his life yes okay say what is what what is relevant today and moving forward don't tell me things that are already dead history and bringing them just say and they're talking maybe another when you are stupid and those are all the days and you know when you are cousin class three and we are playing chaba chamami and class three some things if they are not relevant today just leave them out there be wise you are not opening remember again tell a person according to what you know they can handle if you think they already have a tendency they have they have an ex who has broke them in that manner then you have something that is remotely related and if you bring it up they'll blow it out of proportion be wise well what an amazing time we've had with benjamin zulu please don't forget to follow him the details on the screen uh he is a blessing to many many people around the world many many people are getting blessed with what god has deposited in him and i know that you have been blessed tonight jesus again this coming friday same time eight o'clock you will be blessed with part two you don't want to miss part two part two was hotter than part one god bless you see you friday eight o'clock for part two with benjamin zulu sometimes there's a blessing and breakups and divorces individuals there's a blessing because they give you the one chance to recreate yourself anything you get that face that you cannot take to your home is a waste of time you can be so happy right here in church praising god lifting up his holy name and that is just about one and a half hours or two hours max but let me tell you the back majority of time of your faith being experienced and practiced it is in you and so he says what happens in the church must also happen in you the anointing you feel in this church should also happen in your heart

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Length: 57min 22sec (3442 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 04 2020