Why Lovers Grow Apart - The Benjamin Zulu Show

[Music] so [Music] [Music] hello guys i do believe that you are well we are set with the show with one benjamin zulu on this beautiful show the benjamin zulu show now i know you know that it is always good and you always feel at peace by falling in love with someone was genuine feelings for you but have you ever wondered why some people or some relationship that were meant to be all of a sudden they fell apart or have you ever wondered why that good feeling that you had towards somebody just died that is why today you have to give us all your ears because benjamin is going to give you reasons why some lovers do fall apart are you one of them hi benjamin and you know i'm burning i'm i'm just because i've met this case it's so often yes and the victims are caught unawares it's been five years we no longer connect you no longer talk i don't know what happened i don't know and it's very sorry it's very sad to see when you ask the normal counselors or the normal advisors or other relationship when you google they will give you the obvious the surface things yes about oh in order to bring back the spark and try to create more time for each other you are together and you're not talking [Laughter] no they didn't have a great time we are here it is true we are not talking all right somebody will tell you you need to communicate more about what so communication is the place you need to create time for each other but those are really the logistics [Music] those are the technical issues and to show you the thing that will keep you connected or that which will disconnect you and that will keep you together or part you uh for good but the problem is when you're dating is not spoken of a lot in the vows yes no it involves it's not there and it's not what you hear every day and it's not visible with the eyes and yet it is the undercurrent it's called the dreams that person has the life they envision for themselves and just all of that because sometimes when you hear serious things we expect a big word that is hard to pronounce that we may believe it's a serious thing yeah brahman everybody has a future they hope for yeah again i'm not talking about the stupid college kids you guys are going for those ones don't know where they are they are yet to do that it's a band of emotions carrying them they are ruled by the present need if there is no 500 seating for photocopy and you give a whoever her heaven for photocopy now you can win her if she was going out and she needed somebody to keep coming now because you spent a weekend now your high emotions are with you i'm not talking about you my twitter girls i'm talking about premature boys who don't know where they're going again mixing your seasons dating at the wrong time is pure disaster it's unnecessary one girl just texted me and i told you we must do a show to answer those questions because i thought we had done it what is the problem with dating for years this is a problem when you did four years you end up dating without knowing what you're dating for who you need who you're dealing with where you are in life what season you are in what you really need the future you want when you date for long it looks not serious so you don't evaluate it all right it looks like ah you know we shall get serious over there but over here your emotions are getting attached remember your emotions cannot attach in a tentative manner may remind you your heart is foolish it never grows up please remember your emotions don't grow up true [Laughter] you know and i reminded you that unfortunately the child is stronger than the adult the emotions are the child the head is a parent but unfortunately the energy your head being straight but your emotions you you your ideas don't have the strength on their own that's why even when the doctor knows smoking destroys the lungs he is still smoking yes because the craving for smoking is stronger than the knowledge that smoking is bad philosophy one word [Laughter] so please i'm not discussing about the hopelessly lost who are dating in the wrong season yeah those ones they face raw pain third girl is experiencing raw pain she's 29 been dating for six years there's already a child over three years and the guy is already flattening the woman when when he when she asked he's defensive and tells her if you don't go she's wondering no my six years will go down the drain there's a boy there you were 23 now you're 29 you see the raw pain how many losses are those brahma how many losses why was she dating at 23 why where was she going with it because it was fashionable to have a guy again it is why the road that leads to destruction is always wild perversion sin is more common than writings to do right is less popular people are dating left i've told you about another kid who is insulting me knowing books 19 been dating for four years wondering what do these kids take me for for four years she has the courage to say you have discovered he has been cheating on me so they're having sex so 19. luckily for me i have a copy paste message for all under advice who are asking about dating so today we are discussing when people grow apart i'm not discussing when you date foolishly in college or before you know where you're going life i'm talking when you meet at the right age in life you want to marry she wants to marry you already in your career you put foundations with it as a man you don't matter when you get rich you build the world in the woman you marry when you have put the foundations when you've carved a career at a path and you can say i'm headed south east 53 degrees you get yeah you must know you're becoming a journalist even if there will be changes you should know which direction are you editing okay before you establish a foundation before you can pay your rent before you can pay your fare you have no business talking to a woman about marriage yeah okay you should be looking for money she's coming to help you to do what she's a helper you need to have found out what you're doing and what the co-pilot is which direction are we going this sounds basic and i'm wondering why people don't get it there was no life coach when i was in college who could tell us things in such a position from african context we have many speakers who tried here and there but i was looking for precise description i couldn't find it when that's why i i said i must be going to tell people but one thing i knew my first degree was not my career even if you studying journalism and you will not become a journalist the first degree is still too far from you having a career yes you need another journey and i want you from marrying people who have never been alone they don't know how to get they don't know themselves they're using you to fix loneliness brother do you want to be used like a drug [Music] brother i you want somebody who has balanced their lives and they come to share overflow of joy and happiness with her when you're together you enjoy each other's company because you have stories to tell not they're panicking and the one and you see so that they don't collapse they can't stay alone stay young with me you know when you go away i feel like dying is that what you want never this is an addict and you're the drug some people say they love you but they don't love you like a partner they love you like cocaine can you leave this addict alone brother the girls who are addicted to being a relationship yeah addicted to being financed having sex i think now you you show up like the next supply make sure the person you deal with has landed to be alone there's a solitary season in your life appointed for the carving formation of your character it's mandatory it's mandatory it's it's needed it's uncomfortable but it's a baptism necessary for where you go there for me it was five solid years from 2011 to 2016. studying landing i was interrupting ladies a lot single does not mean isolated yeah you must interact to know them and to begin to woman yeah i like that you hear where men are failing and you check your exam you know i i i i took five solid years what i was telling you the jacob seasons the seven years of working to earn the right to be husband to earn the right to remain a husband to and right to maintain a family to learn how to lead every husband is a leader yeah every parent once you have a child you are the leader of that child yeah this is not optional the moment you signed to marry you carried all those titles yes and you're the one to worry about the food the red all right the things and i told you marry a woman who is a millionaire make sure as a man you shelter that woman you cover there's some things you want to do to maintain your rights as a husband brother make sure you go aston throw ahead yes when our lord went to the mountain with the three disciples he did not sit in the same place with them he went yes i stormed through ahead brother i want to take a stone and throw and that is the distance i want you to play okay if you meet the right woman the right season you're prepared you've taken your journey and you love each other genuinely that is only the beginning let me tell you what you must investigate before you sign up the vision she has for her life thank you everybody has a mental picture of where they want to go sometimes many of them can describe it in words but as you talk it is formed in dots bits and pieces you can see what she's envisioning does not mean people must have a detail of where they want to live they're not size of the house the kind of car i'm not talking about the details i'm talking about the lifestyle they want okay i'm talking about the career level they want what kind of spiritual life they want it's tormenting to marry a person who's cold towards prayer and you're too shy and when you're praying you're making noise you interrupted that asleep how long can you do that how many years brother you want the life she's envisioning the direction the direction of her life yes maybe from the time she watched the clashes in in in congo kinshasa she has entertained that idea you know of being a charity worker in congo and here you are thinking of buying a plot in kangunda road and building but the girl can't wait to cut congo [Laughter] if you talk to a girl and the congo kinshasa comes up with everything however you like her however you admire that girl but my brother you want to be very careful i thought i told somebody i was joking i told people that we studied with some guys and they later they left for abroad the good scholarships visas you know when you know good university is standing on good cause sometimes you can access some things yeah but while they were over there greener persons the rest of us remained here i gave me the vibes about sex look just like know to say sometimes the path to where you wanted to go it's not even glamorous yes you can't even brag about it some careers have no bragging rights it's later when it matures people come to clap for it yes our church is here when he was starting the committee would you have admired how he's trying to make people laugh never look at this you'd have already killed him but later when he has borne fruit oh my god that was genius so we are saying you want to sense where this guy wants to go with his life that some people want to be boys from the time they visited coast with their parents when he was in closet and he saw a beach boy although he was speaking so healing he is those things matter but people are them people overlook if you hear imagine jackman being a teacher he was strangers but murray is a wife one day he joked one day i want to be a millionaire you it would never happen [Laughter] it wasn't a right now of course she believes in him it was just kidding away but if you hear a person keep saying i would like to be a global journalist but it's one obscure bramwell little gnome with three pairs of shoes okay i don't think you guys are three i'm just picking a fella who is saying something and you have to ask shake your head a little bit is this i'm losing that if somebody if that girl keeps saying she would like to live in the u.s and she has about 16 distant relatives we have a lot of girls obsessed to the us be careful true be careful just like they are with saudia be careful this an old man was left at 60 and the woman migrated there's some women who it's only circumstances holding them back some people are available circumstantially yeah you marry now before she has enough money to fly and you can't get the obsession you will but they want you to respect people's callings release them to go to it this lady taught me she has got a job in somaliland which is working there this is that you wanted to date someone land is different from somalia it's another yes yeah and she's just i said you may not understand some things but please look for a person who aligns with where you're going always listen to where the person what they picture their future is it is not always in details but it's always in a certain direction things they hold in very high regard even if they can't afford it now one day they will afford it and if they have always wished sustained the wish sustained the wish admired respect that ask yourself can i still live with them like that how many how many children were you with in high school who were brought up by drivers and guards and households because the mother is working the coast the father is a truck driver moving all over east africa and none of them is available so many what was happening the careers were like this but the people still got married marry a person who and we are not saying you're going to find a copy a copyright exact copy of your career a person wants to be a journalist no sometimes it's not even a good idea to marry another person over a similar you're getting tired in the same day true discussing news every day imagine just once you want freshness man get somebody who's coming from another side of the world okay it just has advantages for example if a medic or a lawyer is a lawyer they can actually build an empire quickly yeah especially they have similar interests there are advantages but you're saying don't force it somebody can be a lawyer and you're a lawyer but your dreams are going very opposite direction yes both of you can be journalists but one of you their passion is very different they wanted to highlight the unorthodox cases yeah we had that guy who was going to chop we had caused waves but just investigative journalism that it involves his own risk because of investigating people but he has also a lot of you know following you if you if you love it you can do it another guy wanted to be news anchor those are the people who don't understand me i can't read things every day i salute people enjoying news and caring because i don't determine the content i just read it but i realize what they need to bring is their personality yes presence to make it enjoyable to make it presentable when they're engaging and they do that around the content whether it is sorrowful or happy or sad they must switch between so many emotions always keeping your emotions in check imagine when it is sad now we got to assert note where an accidental penetration and then go to happiness kenya one golden and dude i'm wondering is it the same person i'm singing between there's a skill that i can't see all right one of the things i want you to to to realize is people grow apart if they came together but they are facing different directions yes dreams are the biggest killer of marriages now what if you are told sacrifice your life for the sake of marriage that you you that will be drummed into you yeah because you must change your life and then you pick a woman who wanted to fly [Laughter] to evangelize in ethiopia you know and then because you're supposed to sacrifice your life you you stop your career to go with her you are there but you are grumpy you are you don't even you are unsatisfied you don't sit up you feel angry if you force a person to drop their dreams to stay in marriage they will stay but they'll be beaten and they will start seeing you as the reason for their problems if it were not for you i would love my own money yes you don't know for you i will not be very far if it were not for you make sure you don't ask a woman to sacrifice her dreams good she will change from who she was supposed to be philosophy one word 109 people are made of what they live for okay please swallow that yeah people but if i ask you what moves cars on the road you likely tell me the engine the fuel but i'll tell you the truth many cars have engines and fuels but some are packed others are headed north other side south and all of them are functional engines so what is moving them is not the engine the engine only facilitates the movement they are moved by their destinations the purposes of the owner you don't live because you eat you are not the cloth you wear the food you can afford the houses you live in those are only facilitators of where you're going in life you are going where you aim your goals your dreams are the ones determining the direction of your life so your woman is is brahmal is who he is because of what he lives for the journalism the influence the coaching the accounting the lawyering the medic the teacher there's a person who loves teaching that's what brings our life first if you stop her from teaching she's no longer herself note that i'm not just me because i have body i wear how many kgs all these are equipments for my existence your existence what gives you happiness who you are your personality your happiness your values are all made of what you live for when a woman leaves for touching the weak and i told you sometimes the word engineering doesn't capture really who a person is it's only part of it that some people want engineering but they wanted to go to engineer towards the physically challenged yeah they wanted to do to adjust lives occupational therapy for people after they just life they wanted to design buildings that create a mood at home there's one design i would say the hair houses look like boxes and they're identical when you're in that house you feel lifeless people are copy festive [Laughter] so they started their design they by going an opposite direction people are doing that to occupy the maximum space and create as much rooms and as hell yes okay they're maximizing money and space and they say hey my friend by looking at money you're losing life so they started designing buildings sacrificing space for style so they will build pyramid buildings so build half triangular build and it came today that's the standard in higher end yeah when you go to low end um residential houses look like boxes boxes [Music] as much space as possible the more you go to high-end okay shapes change people start to worry not so much about space but now style and they look stylish and they're sold more and you feel more alive they create space for trees the poor have no space for trees it's house to house to house to house to the world who don't have trees and bad nature and you feel more alive at this pace all right that's that's an architect who was moving given by a different thing so that person was living for he was called san diego trouba he was doing just designs that look different not all architects are driven by the same thing look for what drives that person and never try to move them out of it because they will stop being who you liked buddha was asked what is the difference between like and love he said when you like something you carry it with you you like a flower you play i like this sell it to me when you love a flower you don't remove it from where it is you will get it you nourish it to make it flourish more if you love a person let them flourish in the element now you're going to ask me and where is the intimacy how are you going to connect how are we going to imagine our lives you merge your lives by aligning your dreams first of all you get a person who is approximately heading the same direction as you okay okay approximately you never get precisely because you don't come from the same place but you look a person who your life's your directions are generally aligned do you see now why you must marry only when you know you're going yes only when you know where you're going so that you get a person who is headed that general direction okay i'm headed towards journalism my career involves public my grandmothers i like informing i'll be studying and reading i like and again remember you are your vision your dreams are not always as clear there's a lot about it that will be going coming out as you go as you go as you go as you go but you need to know at least the direction okay all right so we're saying you get a person whose career is malleable possible to me possible to a lie but you don't swallow them you don't smother them that's why i don't understand people call themselves stay home mom stay aware imagine sadly you don't you don't narrow your life to mother mothering is part of your job in life if a kid needs special attention you can stop everything to attend to them but do they stay young forever no thank you i believe everybody on earth has something to affect their day with of course bringing up healthy kids well adjusted the kids is part of it but today kids are going to school when they go to school what are you doing all right there's some jobs i keep telling my girl don't do what you can what you can delegate don't occupy all your time with what you could have paid somebody do it get them to do it it's not your release to go so dreams damage when they are incompatible and because when we are starting live we are very we are very young people are not seeing who we are becoming if you don't pay attention to what this person wants most in life it will come to pass and it will separate you permanently the other thing about dreams before you bring in your questions is now what if you both have dreams please follow this follow this carefully because you're likely to miss it or become too sympathetic you both have dreams but she's dreaming here she wants uh the the amount of success she wants is here and yours is here she's clear where she's going with her life but she's only going here all right but you're aiming so high yourself that's why i told you to mention some figures some money when you meet girls please mention the money that is the only way you can measure if she can handle if she can believe that level okay i used to mention staggered in vegas which i was also struggling to figure out to taste the waters okay you must call you know faith is the assurance of what is hoped yes you have android changes the pocket which has been folded you know you know money is small and it is folded into a tiny you know it's a big bundle you can't afford too much so i used to tell the girl i would like to be a billionaire one day no kenyan currency is very weak i keep telling her that our currency is always more immediate you have a lot of money so don't think of a billion think of 10 million usd a person who has 10 million usd and in america is not considered even rich yes but here that guy is stinking rich you have only 10. our measurement is very weak yes when you say you have a million here you're a millionaire surely that's only ten thousand usd what is that it's very small i'm trying to say this mention the the height you're trying to ascend to because if both you're dreaming but she just wanted moderate comfortable life but you wanted sensationally successful yep let's say she longs to buy nissan wing ron nissan what wing road [Music] [Applause] the precisely the black one [Music] brahmal is dreaming about a helicopter that's a particular car imagine you're aiming at helicopter are you the same level ever thank you if she cannot believe and see and you're not saying people can't learn and improve and be meant to believe we are saying their capacity that's why i say you should mention and see that she's excited come to think of it you mean it's possible it is doable imagine this and that some guys are doing it here just business within how many years we can oh my god i would like that that's the right guy who is saying where he will be killed by leaves there's a lot of money the first time i carried a million in an envelope i was looking around thinking people have noticed i'm carrying money i realized you must also grow you must imagine and believe it all right i want you to know um you can have dreams both of you but if the levels are different the time she reaches where she was going she would not allow you to continue stretching and striving she just wanted a hope and a nissan wing rod [Laughter] and he has arrived just arrived i in fact praise him but brahman is so restless still waking up at night checking imagine if she wanted a plot that is 40 by 16 40 by 60 feet but brahma is looking for 60 acres and that's how many millions 100 million years that's manageable what did you say make sure the person's dreams not only align but levels align if you dream to own a person with just one day and one person i don't want to die before i drive my own jet those who write to them what special do they have they have two heads and four legs i want to do what they did yes some things you just want to do to prove that you can do it to to demonstrate that anything is possible in africa whatever yep bring up your questions yes i like that now benjamin should we wait until we discover that my purpose and her purpose are aligned before move before moving in for go go to the stream you do not wait you listen to how she talks all right brother energies levels visions the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks true just need to listen listen to her striving aspiration that is what she wants to bring to be to pass again there's something you mentioned in the other show make sure you get a person who's malleable teachable if she's hungry and she's open to learning you can inspire you know the founder of dubai dubai was just a desert a desert yeah today it is leading in the world for many things because of a guy who believed it i told you don't marry before you you have a belief in something that makes you wake up and describe it to your woman tell her you're going to build a smile for you for ourselves and these are the steps there's a difference between fantasizing and dreaming when you fantasize you build the castles in there and leave them there when you dream you build them there and build a ladder to there you're going to start here there and you are acting on it you know it's a real dream when it drives you inspires encourages you makes you wake up dream is not what you see when you sleep it's what makes you not [Applause] sleep philosophy what i don't like it's not what you see when you ask me it's what makes you want to sleep what you see in your head and you're restless and you're restless are you patient with the process of course you know there's a stretch process strife process process but you're not resting until you get there next time i'll tell you about the ending never start anything before you imagine the ending never start a marriage before you imagine how you want to age together yeah imagine what where you believing the life you believe for me i would like a home that has a big compound we can ride on a bike my kids are going riding bikes kicking balls you know all right yeah i want a place where i can land with my chopper and go and a place where i can conduct my affairs in this life my business my what without traffic congestion i hate traffic congestion tell me wanna benefit on earth what is the danger of trying to date somebody who has a different vision in life and equally act in terms of purpose exactly it means you are not heading the same direction and soon you tear back or you'll have one of you to stop being themselves in order to stay married that makes them bitter so there will be no opinion say that you understand yeah not all people who stay married are happily married marriages are not dead of roses of course but you're saying marriage is only worth it when it's working okay yeah it's not working it's not worth it with it all right yes remember if we head the same direction we're working on the same things we are going the same way we are better together companionship is the reason you come friendships support care trust those are the things that keep us together but remember i did not create you i was you i borrowed you from god ah bro i don't want you to imagine you're a demigod to your wife you did not greet that woman yeah another with you and create her she was lying to you on your journey she has another mission from god one of the mission is to be your husband to be away from me to be mad of children but also to influence the world in a certain thing let her do her allow her in fact cultivating when she's happy when she's fulfilled out there she'll bring more happiness at home and we have ladies who are watching you benjamin and as you're talking about papas they never they are still not going to discover what their purpose is benjamin but they're in a relationship what is the diet so you're taking me back to sickness there's a time and decision for every matter under the sun yes one sign of foolishness what god lamented one of the most saddest lamentations is in the book of lamentations itself and jeremiah i want you to learn to read hey start the scriptures stop getting used to this praise the lord i mean you shall be blessed please every now and then don't wait for the whip to send you the job some people only read sad scriptures when they're being whipped so when i was reading one of the sad scriptures to make sure i read every scripture i usually start genesis to revelation to make sure i'm not hand picking what is tasty people can have the big script yes yes so i came across one that shocked me and knocked me back to my senses that jeremiah 3 says the harvest is passed the summer is ended and we are not saved another place lamented says the ego understands his seasons even the zombies and the birds know when they should return you know badly migrate yes vomiting for eating for what and they obey the cycle and they return but my people have no sense of the seasons when you see a person who's dating talking love when they're not clarified where they're going it's unfortunate that's the person god is running about i told you why we are seven billion on earth god is trying to replace jonas i strongly believe that's not scripture just my speculation the reason we are so many is because of that people are so disobedient ignorant of their seasons they just want to run to tarshish what it feels good their relationship there is this god was wanted to send you to nineveh but you're not even concerned yeah you are defiant do you know this is another scripture i want you to read you shall find the ones i want you to read please let them warn you before you go astray yeah it says in genesis that i shall know i shall not always strive with men god do not always argue with you before you flooded he said i regret that i made man this attempt got regret their heart is continually evil but i found one family which i want to work with that is no i was also undrunkable god does not work with the perfect he works with obedience yes next time you correct people are you perfect yourself god is not after perfection of obedience the guy was obedient despite his voice drinking falling naked and you don't have to cover him with but god called him righteous god has some language that might confuse you no righteous man drinking make it how okay so i want you to be very careful what what we are talking about here is not that you you know everything you wanted to do it's not that no it's you are flexible but you also obedient if somebody has not yet discovered they should not be dating anyone they should fast fight and you know another reason why people don't value their purpose they don't value god they're living for themselves because they go with what feels good why this is the road that leads to destruction white their people will get to heaven but there's no god yeah everybody goes to kazarani stadium but they all receive not meadows glucose some just received it's okay and some people still be cheering heaven [Music] the only thing you can do is buy yourself ice cream you guys scream remember if you're conscious about your calling you'll prioritize it when you've known your calling now you say let me marry a person who aligns with where i'm going there you have it guys i don't believe that at the end of the day you are not rewarded by abu fazelah [Laughter] what benjamin is saying is very very clear he's very categorical about it dear people the moment you avoid understanding your purpose if you don't understand your purpose you risk making other people's assignments think about it thank you for watching benjamin zulu [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Benjamin Zulu Ke

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Id: 02Tt9B18wxM

Length: 42min 6sec (2526 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 27 2021