Candid Convo with Russell Tomlinson & Daughters

daddy hello everybody this is Russell Tomlinson and welcome to the father's days edition Facebook live listen I am glad to have you I'm glad that you are with us I've got a very very very special guest I said very three times because there are three of them I prayed with girls my daughter's my oldest daughter Lydia then there's Alisha then there's Stephanie they are with me and I think not only are we going to celebrate Father's Day but this is going to be a roast but before we go into all of that I want to wish all of the fathers a very happy restful Father's Day it's going to be a great day and no we just want all of you fathers be honored want you to know that we are standing in faith with you and that your father hood is important to God scheme of things so God is the ultimate father he has placed father's on the earth and we can be a blessing and make some very very important changes in this world just a matter of all of the fathers taking their rightful place we are standing in fate for that well let me take time to introduce my daughters again it's good to see Lakia and I think others are coming up Alisha is there and then Stephanie and all right and you guys have some some questions that you're going to be asking me as a part of this father a program and celebration now I understand that the first set of questions are going to be what we call rapid-fire questions yeah so so I understand deletion you're going to do that a so is it I have I have not heard these questions I don't know what you all want to ask I'm just going to just answer by faith and hope that everything is satisfactory by the time everything is said and done so hey let's get started and let's do this in a way that it's gonna make dad look good yeah so these are might be fun you're right hey daddy I think I'm ready go ahead all right first question what is your favorite time of the day every time of the day is the morning time all right what song do you put on repeat repeat I've got a lot of songs that put on repeat just depends on what's happening at the time but you know those songs and I generally put on repeat of songs that inspire me songs that make me dance yeah things like that I don't have any particular song I rarely put put them on repeat okay all right what's your favorite book my favorite book I can see it's a watchman ebook back in the day and is about spiritual authority that's what I think but I've got a lot of favorites but when I think about favorite sets that seems to be the one that pops into my mind okay all right favorite meal favorite meal I had everything actually I don't have a favorite meal but it used to be it used to be fried foods which I don't eat anymore periodically I may have something but it used to be fried chick all right now I know this one though sweet or savory more savory window seat I'll see I'll seat okay what are three words that describe you calm cool collected all right what is the best piece of advice you've ever received from from a very old man probably in his 90s and he told me one day son you can do as much as you want but you can't do it as long as you want but be very careful how you spend your time that's good and the last at least who's your favorite child my favorite child my favorite child yes my favorite child is the baby Jesus [Laughter] serious question I have always loved and admired about you was how you always put family before the ministry okay what advice would you give dad's or men who are also pastors how to balance family and ministry well you know family is the order of God that came first before ministry came first so it's only it's only right it's only natural that we always put family first in fact church and ministry is made up from the family and it's all about the family and so once we take your home working which family as a priority then that's when everything else will fall in line so anytime you see a breakdown and society in our social our social world what you'll notice it all comes from a breakdown in the family so that's why family has to be first family is first in God's mind God wanted a family so I sent his son to bring children into his kingdom so that's why family should be first and I would encourage every minister every pastor never put your ministry above your family life take care of your family life first all will go well in ministry and if it doesn't go well in ministry you always got family to go back to all right so what were some of your fears when you first became a father first I wanted to basically make sure and I don't I don't know they were necessarily fears but I had concerns about making sure that I was capable of actually taking care of everybody you know because the responsibility always lays on later as far as being able to provide and so provision was important making sure that everybody was brought up within the Christian faith making sure that everybody was a believer in Christ and of course we got that done as early as possible because all of you all were stayed at a very very young age were still in your single-digit ages when y'all gate and so that was the main thing all I wanted to do was just make sure that we that everybody understood that in order to have a successful life and have a really family life we had to know Christ simple as that that's question yes next question okay so Danny one thing I've always admired about you was the fact that you've always allowed us to make our own decisions and I can remember a time when you said you know you never really said don't do drugs you never really said don't go to the club you never even really said don't you don't have sex but instead you always put your choice our choices on the table and you said that if we make these decisions here are the consequences of these decisions if you want decisions here the rewards of these decisions and I've always wondered who who gave you the wisdom to allow us to make those decisions opposed to forcing us to or controlling us basically you you didn't try to control us but you try to guide us right right by wisdom to make those choices in this of just you know yeah well yeah it had to be with no doubt the grace of God because you know nobody ever really sat down and talked to me like that and so a lot of times you know their choices that we can make we can learn from from the home city or we can learn from people outside at all so one of the things that every parent wants to do is we don't want to have our children to learn things that's outside of their authority so as a father you know wanting to be the best father that I could I had to take time to do a little a lot of extra and you know I want to encourage fathers out there because nobody gets it right as a parent it's something that you learn along the way as time goes on and but you know we do the best we know how to do at the time and if it works and thank God for we give God the praise but all of those things come as a result of the goodness of God the grace of God the spirit of God oh if you hear your life doing you know it'll help you to be the best of all yeah and just to add to that because that's such a great great question obviously what none of us are perfect but one thing that we did do is be avoided a lot of mistakes just based on you given us somewhat of a free will um you we were able to sort of dodged a lot of bullets yeah understood okay if you're gonna do this this is the consequence right and I think because you gave us that sort of freewill like okay y'all can hang out all night but be home by this time you go wherever you want but this is the consequence if I think I think we were able to by the grace of God we were able to dodge a lot of those those bullets so being a parent being a parent now realize that is not as easy you know cuz it yeah it's a lot of self-restraint you know to not try to stop your child from making mistakes and you know so it's definitely the wisdom of God for sure yeah yeah yeah it is well the other thing is this you know after a while you you get old enough you learned and you understand that there's certain things you can't control you know no we're we're parents we can't be police you know we can't follow everybody around we can't check on everybody all the time we can't always know everything about where what's going on and what's happening so you know you do your parenting and you let the Holy Spirit do the policing yeah the one that's everywhere he sees everything he knows everything and so there comes a time when every parent has to do the best that they can and then just put their trust in God and and put their children in the hands of God and let the chips fall where they may train them a child up in the way that they should go and hopefully they'll stay in the way and if not God will bring them back and the way as time goes on if the parents are doing their job the right way if the father is doing what he needs to do yeah I remember my college days and that was always in the back of my head like I felt like there's certain decisions then I just couldn't make as I always had to you on the back of my head that was the Lord was the Lord I just felt like I just felt like God was going to show you in dream or maybe a prophetic so it's like it stopped me from doing it I'm making a lot of bad decisions because I thought I didn't have the freedom to do what I wanted to do know any preacher's kid or pastor's kid can identify with that yeah yeah the Lord is going to tell you before the night is over Makia hallelujah yeah all right thank you okay I want to add too ever since I've known you you've known how to separate what you do from who you are so what advice would you give father's who struggle with finding their identity and what they do as opposed to who they are yeah well of course you know it's a it's a it's a big mistake to think that you are what you do all right then what happens when you can't do it anymore you know that was one of the first things that I had to realize I'm not always going to be doing certain things so I have to find my identity in Who I am but not not simply Who I am I find my identity in Christ so you learn to find your identity in an eternal person and you live a life where you have an eternal expectation so that way you never have to be concerned that well I'm not able to do this no more and because once you lose your career your ministry or once these things just said and done you don't go away with it and that's why you keep separate I don't you know anybody that takes their identity based on what they do I don't have much of a life there not much of a life well I know as much as I as much as I love Church my life is not Church yeah and my life never will be Church pause because that's that's God's that's God's business I'm just a part of it my life is wrapped around the king and the Kingdom and and that you can never you can never go wrong and we have definitely benefited from that I mean from your integrity from what you have done I mean our relationship with Christ because we seen you do that is very change our lives no better way yeah y'all a bit y'all are very kind you guys think because I'm your dad that's what it is no it's the truth I don't think we'll be lying if he was lying let's go a little further all right girl dad became a viral hashtag after the death of Kobe Bryan and his beautiful daughter Gianna you briefly discuss the important role of the father-daughter relationship and before you answered that just a little quick quick little story I remember the days and we were little and you took us all separately on our first date riot you showed us this is how a man is supposed to treat you open your doors pay for your dinner things like that so just briefly discuss the importance of the father/daughter relationship well as far as father/daughter burns I think that many times what little girls look for are their fathers or the way that they view their fathers are the experience with their father and so knowing that you all were not always you're going to grow up you're going to have relationships you're going to be married you're going to have children my party is at least to prepare you for that and once you get an idea of what the role of a boyfriend a husband or whatever the case may be then you'll know what to look for a lot of people get into bad relationships because they really they don't know what to look for sometimes young ladies are just trying to get away from a a bad home situation and they open their lives up to anybody that will even halfway accept it and so because you know that's not the ideal way of doing things I just wanted to make sure that at least you all had a an opportunity to make an intelligent decision just based on you know the example that that we set the example that we gave you you know these are all things that was just a part of the experience as far as being a parent is concerned and as I said you know nobody knows it all nobody does it all the right way but we do at least what we know to do and the rest is in the Lord's hands definitely one of the the biggest thing that made probably the biggest impact on my adulthood so another thing that made a great impact on me was all of the times I I was going through an immersive emotional journey where there was a breakup someone hurting me or someone trying find me I remember I would call you to vent in my anger and you will always make me take responsibility you never talked about what they did you never talked about you know what you should say to them you never even tried to go back and confront them but you always made me take a responsibility for how I would respond how I would react you know and before I used to always wonder why can't he just soak with me and my anger for a second you know why can't he just vent with me or why doesn't he call that person and go off with them you know I didn't understand at first but now looking back you know it really shaped me to not take that victim stance you know and it really helped me to get through a lot of hard times but knowing that I was responsible for my emotions and yes we can't control what other people do we can't control what other people say but the one thing that we do have control over is our emotions and irony always told me you always told me depending on how you respond will depend would determine your level of influence and that stuck with me because I've always wanted to be an influential person so instead of thinking about okay the instant gratification I would get if I was to go off on this person you know let me take a step back let me think and let me see what will benefit me in the future opposed to you know in this moment so I appreciate you for that daddy and um that has made the biggest impact of my life yeah yeah because here's what happens anytime that we find ourselves being emotionally controlled by circumstan they become our master yes if you don't master your own emotions somebody will master it for you and on top of that they're not going to be as kind and careful with you as as they ought to be because they become more or less it's a it's a slave master kind of mentality yeah when you when you become a victim of what other people do they take control of your life and so in order not to be controlled by circumstances people you just have to take responsibility I remember one time where um I called you about a particular person and I was like you know daddy he did this to me and he said this to me he this he did this to me and your response to me was well what did you expect nothing tell me that this person was selfish didn't you tell me that this person was this and I was like a deer in headlights well well yeah I guess yeah yeah you have to know basically you know you can be a person that is a good person and so forth but but there will always be counterfeit people that will show up in your life and the reason the counterfeits come along is to determine the destiny that you want to walk in yeah you can spend your time giving your energy to the counterfeit or you can respond the right way and set your own force warrant for to be nobody's victim because if you become a victim of people then you're always subject to anything that they do to you mm-hmm and so we keep that victim mentality shot death because we don't want no one in control of our life but God yes yes that's a fun question what are your most memorable moments there well my most memorable moments is you know everybody being born it was everybody came you you know you are not Stairsteps but everybody you know Toria lakiya Alicia Stephanie's everybody came together and so we had a lot of the good part was that we were able to raise everybody together instead of wide apart but you know the thing that I think about is when you all were coming up and you all which in ages at the house growing up and you all would watch television and eat your popcorn and have popcorn on the floor and FOFA and Lee Duff undone and I always said you know what one day one day and you are wrong place and get married I'm going to come over to y'all's house war and leave it on the sofa and so forth that he said he examples like that yeah well right now you all got your own children and so on and so forth Danny I think I've called you like 15 times to apologize yes I felt like we was reaping what we were sowing yeah everybody's upon to think about the thing about reaping is you usually read more than you so so my god yeah that's why that's why I appreciate all of that grandchildren because you know they're carrying out exactly what I told you all that would happen hmm we just got a sim to your house and it better solve that no I don't think that uh first of all security is not letting them up so if they come here I know Security's not gonna let a man so we're good either way this is for the all the first time dads what advice would you give a father becoming a dad for the first time read read read and study you know if a lot of guys don't read they don't read about relationships they don't read about child-rearing you know they don't read and so the thing is you you know you read and then of course you have other people in your life that can mentor you in that area you find a successful a father that is successful at fathering and uh you know you connect with them you talk with them they know things get advice from them but you know thing right now so all you need to do is go to the internet and there's all kind of articles and all kinds of books and then this goes on and on nobody needs to be ignorant about anything because we live in an Information Age so I would just tell them to read and talk and learn from people and from the literature around him yeah right yeah cuz that this is a strong generation of children these days so right yeah listen to keep it Christian you know some of these secular people that write about parenting and I would trust it you know but you if you have a poopy you raise your child based on on the word again you know that's some things it's happening yeah who's that I didn't have a plan question but I guess I'll just make mine up on top off the top of my head so which child did you have to spend the most time on for be honest you already know that lakeil no actually an actual fact you know Julie Smith spent time on my knees for everybody at the same time oh no wasn't that wasn't any there wasn't any anybody that I prayed for more than the other that there were there's one that I saw for more which one did you know for more which was not so for more yeah oh you know you got to start at the top so but you know what Kia is reaping today hey Shay you birth you all over again she's reaping today Keegan Keegan is perfect for the Kia oh my god I'm just praying I'm just praying that the Lord would be merciful to PJ you know what's so funny is my personality and kiss but we're totally we're different in some ways but my Nokia but my oldest child is just like Kia I had to pray to God to say God what did I do she's so she's strong just like here that's good a keep yeah well I think I think that the Lord can can trust you to raise a child that's going to have I'm Pat it's just gonna be interesting to see yeah but all of the grandchildren are going to be like as they grow I'm already you know observing their personalities and they're nothing like you all they're totally different sure yeah yeah they're moving quick there's certainly a lot more advanced and they do things that for instance you know if we have their phones back in the day when you all come along my god I never want to touch myself are you Andy you know that would have been off-limits but you all kids get your cell phones so yeah things are changed by dog yeah the Lord knows of each child and which one needs to be raised by with parents oh the perfect oh yeah one thing one thing I do want to add to is the older obviously my oldest is six years old your own is seven and Kia's is almost - almost - going on twelve but it's so funny as we get older and we become more mature the father not a relationship or whatever it changes I remember obviously as a kid it was obviously you know father and I think now it's friend father or friend dad you know it gets like transitions the relationship changes and I think that's such an important reason oh how - how you raise your children because eventually your child so it becomes your friend you know that person that you can just call I think all of us because they be talk to you like at least almost every day every day yeah and half of the time we just called to say hey what you doing can be come to the house so we can go to the beach or not you should I usually say you know what it's crying over here right now I want to keep down let me come with a pasta chicken is like come on please leave the chicken go over to the yeah love the way that you know you parents with us I mean just being a man of integrity really face my face my relationships with God or that you've never forced anything so I was really just grateful of how you raised that it's just being a man of integrity a loving father always in our lives a part of our lives just I just love that and I just think for that one thing that I can definitely add to that I know mom says it a lot but it is true the person who you are or on platform is the same person you are behind closed doors at home and grocery store they're dirt dirt there's there's not two different people there's not a pastor Russell Thomas or a bishop Russell Thomas and in there Russell you are instantly the same and I think that's why the funny thing is you play two roles in my life you're well three roles you're my pastor you're my boss and you're my dad because I work with you for 20-plus years obviously you know you're my pastor and then you're my dad and you know all three roles there's not a different person is it's just consistent there's nothing I can say well the bishop the bishop side is the tough side and the dad side is they're all consistent you keep us responsible you me everything you do it's it's all tied into one person but three different you know three different hats that you were for me and obviously you're Kia's boss too and that's one thing that the world needs to know is the person with the platform is the same person that you're gonna get when you shake your hand in the grocery store is he at the bank or a conference or a church wherever it's the same person so that's honorable that's admirable and that's something that I strive to be every day and full of character character it takes you places that will blow your mind and that's I really believe that you're just at the beginning of where you are life and you look even though you're 60 plus you look like you're because you know you're like hashtag I'm bother you're just the coolest dad and you're like Obama swag all day you know y'all been talking to you mom Cindy about that Obama swag thing you have a swag that hey it's actually one of the reasons why I'm still single because you set the bar so high and you know you can't settle you know after the bar has been set so high is it's hard to settle so you know you just have to keep until someone comes stronger I think that the key is this uh one of the things that I've always wanted to make sure that I practice with self control self control is the next best thing to spiritual control and if you're really spiritual you're your spiritual control or to somehow bring you into a greater self control that's where it all begins and so once that's understood other things that come along in life you can handle it even if it's out of control because you know how to control yourself that's why I do this this series of managing emotions because circumstance doesn't have to be perfect people are certain not want to be perfect but one thing that we can continue to perfect is the food spirit called self control and by God's grace you know he gives us that and if you're going to be involved in any relationship self-control is a priority so that's really what it's all about if if it's a compliment to talk about Obama swag but they're offered that he was in he had to have some type of self control just to be in that office and anytime you're elevated to anything it called for a greater a sense of self control so that's the secret to everything loving well I'm trying to see if we can send up the girls to wish to wish you happy father McKenzie in the background having a hallelujah screaming good time right now right now yeah okay well she was downstairs Jesus I was I was talking earlier she graduated McKenzie is graduating desert mouth is the day after yours right yeah right yeah yeah as a coming gone know December see I don't have to keep up with all of these things anymore I don't I don't try to keep up with all of these things and of course I'm enjoying life like never before so listen I'm gonna tell tell your mom that we did a great Father's Day broadcast today we shake all of my beautiful daughters being be with me and answer those great questions and I hope a lot of people are going to benefit from the answers that I gave but thank you all for being great daughters thank all for grandchildren I appreciate my son's and laws and all of you all and this is a great Father's Day here's what I want to do I want to thank all of the members of Brethren Church for their support their prep support financial support their love their kindness their generosity we have a great church because of the great oh that's a part of it and so presence gather in church know that we love you and know that you are always our prayers and our best days are stand by the way thank you for your continued will giving we had not lacked anything during this time of covet 19 not only has the Lord provided but he's provided more than enough and I know that those of you that are tithers and givers are you're gonna stay in the same condition that I am in that we're in we're gonna live a life of abundance and overflow the Lord is blessing us and he has no sorrow two blessings so thank you all again for privilege of just being your pastor thank you for again for your spiritual prayerful financial support and all of these gifts are going to come back to you in a very special way so you guys have a great day happy Father's Day to all of you celebrating fathers day okay

Channel: Russell Tomlinson Global

Views: 7,257

Rating: 4.9846153 out of 5

Keywords: Fathers Day, Candid, CandidConvo, russelltomlinson, relationships, wisdomforrelationships, fatherdaughter, fatherdaughterrelationships, family, covid19

Id: 8DYO_mbzvU0

Length: 40min 25sec (2425 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 22 2020