Candid Conversations: When You and Your Spouse Are So Different | Joyce Meyer

[Music] joyce in our conversation today we are going to get real about our husbands and oh yeah it's so challenging sometimes when your husband is very different than you are so whether it's a personality or just the way they respond and react to things hopes and dreams and we've talked about this before we're quite different than our husbands are yeah so what are what are some things that um make that difference obvious in you and dave well first of all let me say that the largest majority of people not everyone but the largest majority of people are married to someone that's quite different than they are we're kind of attracted to what we don't have but we don't really know that right you know and god does it on purpose because where i'm weak dave is strong and where he's weak i'm strong and god has purposely put us together in a way where we need each other right we don't necessarily want to need somebody sometimes but he doesn't give any one person all of it so we work together and a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife that the two might become one right and so if you if you can learn to walk in love and if you if you realize i think we we get married and we of course everybody's on their best behavior when you're dating and i didn't even know dave played golf until we got married because while we were dating which for us wasn't very long because we got married pretty quick but you know everything was about me and then all of a sudden that's the way it should be and then all of a sudden it wasn't all about me and uh i didn't realize at that time that god creates us all differently i mean i just really didn't i'd never heard any kind of teaching on that or read any kind of books on that and you know 53 years ago when dave and i got married there wasn't a lot of material available like that and so you know we're we're very different like i'm a big talker he's a little more quiet although seems like in the last few years he's holding his own pretty much with the talking he's catching up he's catching up um but we don't necessarily like a lot of the same things like he loves loves loves sports and he's just i don't really enjoy just sitting and watching a sport on tv yeah you know because of what was going on with me in my childhood my dad never let me take part in any school activities or any after-school sports and he didn't like sports and so we never watched them at home and so it's just something that i have no frame of reference for and so you know dave loves them i don't we don't have the same taste at all when it comes to decorating dave wants everything in a room to stand out and i want it all to blend or to match yeah and until you until you figure out that you have to let people be who they are and that you you cannot get married with the idea in mind that i'll change them right i think that's really one of the major causes for divorces is because we we lack the ability well we don't like the ability but we're not willing to love people where they're at we want to love them the way we want them right to be sometimes you don't even realize that you don't you don't even realize what the problem is you just think what is wrong with you exactly why aren't you like this why don't you think about this like i do and when you talk about the fact that we balance each other out and that's why god brings us together it makes so much sense it's such a beautiful concept but when you're in the middle of it sometimes it's just like what are you thinking you know why why don't you feel this way because i do yeah like what's the matter with you you know how could you like that so i've had times where where i've just wished my husband was different you know wished he wished you would be more this way because a lot of those times we could accomplish this right and so how have you dealt with some of those times where you know i've i wish dave would be more whatever well first of all a funny story i was telling dave one time i wish you were you know more aggressive or i wish you were more this or that and he looked at me and he said you better thank god that i'm the way i am because if i wasn't you sure wouldn't be doing what you're doing and i thought and i realized god gave me exactly what i needed because really how many men would be secure enough confident enough in who they are in christ to let their wife be the one who's in front of people all the time where they take more of a behind-the-scenes role and the things that dave has done in the ministry are just as important but they're not the things that people notice like he's done such a phenomenal job overseeing the finances of the ministry and just so many other things i mean dave was the one that got me on radio and he was the first one that got the vision for us to go on tv and he just saw things in me that i didn't even see god put in my hands a book on personalities a book by tim lahaye called the spirit control temperament it's a it's an old book and there's other people who who teach on these different temperaments that we have i like to say that we're all born with a god-given temperament and then that temperament plus things that happened to us in the early years of our life is what gives us our personality that book was a lifesaver and possibly a marriage saver for me because when i read it it talked about all the different weaknesses and strengths that the different personality types have it's it's like once i realized that he couldn't help it it's a good way to look at it and that that i couldn't either right you know now that doesn't mean you don't work with god to overcome your weaknesses but i'm probably always going to talk more than dave i'm you know there's going to be we're never going to decorate a room together he likes what i do but it's just not what he would do i mean he'll he'll see a picture and if he likes it he wants to buy it and put it somewhere even if it's like i don't know something that has nothing to do with the rest of the theme of our of our house and what about you and tim how are you different oh in every way possible um yeah i'm i'm much more um outgoing i like to be busy i i definitely talk more than he does um he's i'm more of the organized creative but he's more of the engineer so personality wise we're quite different but one thing that we really learned during the quarantine is that he needed to talk more than he realized and when he wasn't at work to talk to people all the time about server racks and power supplies i had to hear all of it so i learned more than i ever wanted to know because he has more words to use than he realized yeah so we do learn a lot about ourselves and that really is a challenge i've found like if dave wants like dave likes to read to me like if he's reading something that he's really enjoying he wants to read it to me and i don't necessarily want to hear it and he doesn't just read me the part that's really interesting he likes to start way up here somewhere because he's real detailed yeah and i'm like just can you just give me the bottom that is just like us just give me the bottom line he'll tell me about the movie he watched last night and i'm like just just give me the bottom line in this movie but i mean he starts at the very beginning and and i'm like if you're trying to get me to watch this you've ruined it because there's no point but dave and i get along really good now but we've learned especially me because most of the conflict was me i've just learned you you have to let people be who they are and the bible says that we will have to doesn't put it in these words but put up with people's weaknesses and and you you really can't you have to accept people and love them where they're at and if you're going to pray for god to change somebody always be sure that you pray for god to change you too you got to be kind of careful that your prayers are not full of pride and they're wrong and so change them i always say you know i i'd really like this to change in dave but i know that i have issues too so only if it's your will and you know change me too and i think too ginger if you don't give up on a marriage when it's when those things are hard you do get to the point where i mean some of the things that dave does that used to just irritate me no end i think are funny now like one of the things he does is he talks during movies out loud yeah out loud and like he'll ask me a question about the movie and i'm like i'm watching this too i just said that same phrase you've seen it we're both watching this yeah we're watching this at the same time some things you just have to accept and you need to your perspective is so important it's like if all you do is think about the things that are wrong with the person you're married to that's all you're gonna see but i purposely sat down one day and i made a list of the things i thought was wrong with dave and then i made a list of all the things that i really love about him and thankfully that list was a lot longer because really to be honest i don't know how many men could have put up with me and all the junk from my past that i had to get over which was a lot i mean after being sexually abused for all those years and you know my mother not helping me with the situation and then married the first guy that came along and he hurt me and ran around with other women and that was a big disaster and so i mean i had a lot of junk that i didn't know that i had and i mean dave stuck it out was patient and god seemed to give him understanding and he did confront me but not too soon you know it gave me time to get a decent relationship with god first and uh i mean he he definitely 100 is the perfect man for me and really a tremendous man of god you're right those things that you wanted to change at one point are the things that i really value and appreciate in tim yeah because it is what god needed for me right and if if we can give god the opportunity in the time without giving him the way he can do some wonderful things through our differences and also to realize that you know so many people they bail on a marriage i mean it's like well we had irreconcilable differences i think that's hilarious because really who doesn't i mean you can you can reconcile them if you let god be your partner in the marriage if you want to and i you know if there's abuse or you know alcoholism drug addiction things like that that you know cause abuse in the marriage then that's a different story you know i'm i'm divorced i was divorced when i was 22 years old because the guy i was married to was a cheat a thief and a liar and you know it just was not a viable situation but i just really encourage people not to bail on your marriage if there's any way that you can make it work because you're gonna you are going to have situations the next time you get married too you're not going to marry somebody that's going to suit you perfectly 100 i don't care who they are so out of all that you've learned then with um the differences between the two of you over the years what would you say is the most important thing that you've learned i really think it is good for people if they do some study about the different temperament types because that is really an eye opener i mean you can you can see it so clearly i mean how can you have four or five children come from the same set of parents and all of them be totally different yeah very i mean you have to understand that people are born different and it's god's he does it on purpose and i think that if you can understand that there's not something wrong with you because you're different than me or them right exactly god did it yeah and so you can't get mad at god or blame god and and you have to have enough humility to understand that everybody doesn't have to be like you that that i think is the key we always think well what's wrong with you why are you not like me but who says that i'm so perfect and don't have issues to deal with myself all i know i'll say this and then we'll leave people with their prayers and thoughts unless there's like abuse or some kind of a real severe situation you can learn to get along with somebody if you really want to so we'll say amen on that amen [Music]

Channel: Joyce Meyer Ministries

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Id: pfqhbyUSxhI

Length: 15min 10sec (910 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 24 2020