Rejecting Rejection | Joyce Meyer's Talk It Out Podcast | Episode 60 | Special Guest-Christine Caine

[Music] when you visit joycemeyer.org talk it out you get a lot you can get to know us better check out previous episodes and you can join our friends list which gets you exclusive content and lets you know about all of the episodes coming out and while you're there you can check out today's free resource please make sure you subscribe wherever you listen or watch joyce meyers talk it out podcast and tell a friend about our happy group too and if you're feeling helpful please write a review to let others know about all the fun i think one of the big mistakes that people make and this relates to what you're saying is we always equate pain as being bad and it's not [Music] hi friends welcome to joyce meyer's talk it out podcast where joyce teaches the word of god in her practical no-nonsense way that we all love and my friends and i talk about the real stuff of living it and we hold nothing back i'm ginger stocky with jay and aaron cluley three friends who understand the importance of having honest loving women around you and we just love talking about life and the word of god and when we need a little extra help as in today our beautiful friend miss joyce is here to answer our questions and today we have a bonus guest christine kane yay guys welcome it's so fun to have you i'm so fired up well we are going to talk about something today that is every person's issue um the in one way or another you have all we have all experienced rejection in our life and so that's something that we want to talk about we want to encourage people we want to talk about how to reject the pain that rejection wants to bring in our lives so let me just start um how would you guys describe anybody how would you describe what rejection does in your heart like what does it feel like what does it do to you because the the implications of it are huge yeah well i can start by saying what it felt like to me recently was to my heart this is how i described it i just recently went through divorce um and what i told people how do you feel i was like well it feels like he literally cut my chest open grabbed my heart and scraped it against burning asphalt and then tried to put it back inside like seriously that's the pain that that rejection felt like for me because it was so unexpected and so very painful so another little graphic but that's how i feel i get it because it can be that emotional and a physical pain as well i mean it'll just rack your whole body yeah yeah it just it i could physically feel pain yeah well god has created us for acceptance yeah i mean that's that's our godly dna we all want to be accepted and so when you're not accepted it's always painful and unless you really learn who you are in christ which we'll talk about today you begin to do whatever you think you need to do to be accepted which if you're not careful you end up with everybody else running your life yeah and you having no life because you're not making any of your own decisions you're doing whatever you think they want you to do so they will like you and be pleased with you yeah this drive to avoid rejection is huge it is powerful like most of us will do anything to avoid rejection don't you think chris have you had that experience in your life i think rejection is what i would call my achilles heel and i think you know um right the fact how i think how i was conceived the fact that i was left in a hospital unnamed and unwanted when i was born there was that rejection um and i'm 55 this year and just i i recently you know god has done such a great healing work in my life but um a couple of years ago i experienced this betrayal from a friend that i just wasn't you know david i was thinking this joyce um when we were telling this story yesterday that the psalmist said um it would have been okay if it was my enemy that was against me but when it was my friend that i went to the house of the lord with and um that that psalm has given me great solace because otherwise i would have thought why did it impact me but it's almost like it triggered such a deep level of rejection again going um i thought i've worked through a lot of this and i have and i knew to go to the word but that visceral pain there was this one night that i felt like this visceral pain and then in that moment the holy spirit was like christine i'm healing an even deeper level from right when i was in my mother's womb and yeah obviously conceived you know however god meant it to happen but it was wasn't planned in obviously my biological mother and father's um plan and so the thing is that rejection is like an achilles heel so you can have visceral reactions and i think if i hadn't learned um and again i'm going to say your teaching probably has done more in my life to bring healing uh the root of rejection like if i read that a hundred times i'm probably not even exaggerating because it i have had to revisit it and revisit it uh because if the enemy could have short-circuited my purpose in any way over these last 30 years it would be over that issue well let's start there so we're we're going to start with a a quick clip from joyce talking about this rejection and the root of it and what it does in our lives and then we'll all come back and talk about it a lot more take a listen when you are a rejection-based person or you're afraid of rejection if everybody doesn't agree with you you feel rejected and so if dave and i were trying to have a conversation if he didn't agree with me then i didn't know how to separate who i was from my opinion and so i had to learn that just because he disagreed with my opinion didn't mean he was rejecting me he could reject my opinion and still love me and that was such a major thing to me so maybe you need to think about that if you can't seem to talk to people or a certain person without blowing up in anger all the time then ask god to help you get to the root of it and maybe ask god do i have you know how do i feel when somebody disagrees with me do i feel insulted do i feel like they think i'm stupid do i feel like they don't respect me do i feel like i'm being rejected and learn how to be a person in christ who is loved and valued and separate that from what you think and what you do and all those other more exterior things does anybody in the building think that maybe you're still dealing with a little root of rejection in your life [Applause] that was a lot of people but you know if you stick around we'll have something for everybody roots where there's rotten fruit there's a rotten root somewhere along the line and sometimes you got to go before the lord and say i don't care if you have to completely tear my life apart i want to get to the bottom to the root of why i'm angry why i get so angry why do i get mad every time i don't get my way why are my emotions out of control why do i waste so many days in self-pity amen so everyone is saying oh i don't want to do that i don't want to go there why didn't she say that but you're so right i mean if we don't allow the the pain of dredging some things up then the fruit is going to keep coming out the way we don't want it to i asked the lord one time why it hurt so bad to get well you know because it's like you get hurt getting all messed up and so why is it when you want to get well yeah that it hurts so bad and he taught me what he called doorways of pain you know like when my father abused me i went through a doorway of pain so i got a little deeper into bondage when my mother didn't help me when she abandoned me then that was like another doorway of pain and so you have to confront each one of those things yeah oh gosh you know whether it's you just confronting it in your your mind with you and god or but usually in order to get us to confront things god will have to lovingly put together a situation wow oh yeah like you had this situation there was something in there that god wanted to come out that would eventually make you freer right but you really killed me in the process yeah well he did literally you know i said one time something i was going through something with dave when i was trying to learn how to be a submissive wife but i uh i said oh god this is killing me and he said that's exactly right we are supposed to die to self yes but god's got this little toolbox that he uses yeah and it is all in love it's ultimately to set us free right but i don't i don't think you can get over pain without going through some pain to confront it and a lot of people don't understand that so then when it starts to hurt they start to back off you know i was just thinking when you said that i remember when i snapped my acl in my um ski accident and i had knee surgery the doctor came in the pt right after the surgery and he said you know christine most people don't recover fully because i blew my knee totally out he said from your kind of accident he said it's not that they can't he said in fact with the hamstring graft your right knee is now stronger than your left knee but the pain of the injury it happened quickly you had a ski accident it was painful but it happened quickly he said but it's going to take at least six months of recovery um and the pain of recovery is going to far outweigh the pain of the injury so and i remember these words he said so chris you can either recover quickly or slowly uh completely or partially it's entirely up to you the degree to which you are willing to embrace the pain of recovery is the degree to which you'll recover it's a very good example to use because it's i mean if you if you fall down and really skin your knee real bad it hurts but it almost hurts worse when it starts to form a scab yes right yeah and you know you you have to leave it alone and just let it do what it's doing not to pick at it to try to get it to go away yeah that's what causes scars right when we pick at our wounds and just get them bleeding all over again yeah yeah i was just with a fan of a family that their daughter had gone through some emotional rejection and some some pain even in a church and it caused her so much emotional pain that was causing her physical pain that she had to actually go through trauma therapy in her trauma therapy they actually put her through pain to help her renew her mind like and they say a lot of parents don't allow their kids to actually finish the treatment because it's too painful to watch but then it doesn't something that triggers in their brain to renew their mind you know that they have to have that physical pain like even if it's like strapping them up or i was like wow that sounds crazy but then i immediately thought about my personal life and i was like well isn't that it's just what you guys are talking about you have in order to renew your mind sometimes if you know you need to go through something to actually go through it and your mind can get refreshed you can't be set free from fear unless you confront fear exactly yeah and so it's the same way with any kind of an emotional injury you have to confront it and so sometimes god in his grace and mercy sets up a situation that forces you to confront it because we're not likely to do it just by choice right now yeah so rejection is is a little bit different than maybe when you talk about abuse i think well i haven't experienced anything like that you know i didn't have a situation right like like you girls did where i had that kind of abuse but i've had certainly situations of rejection right that hurt to the core yeah that were so unexpected that we're friends that you know whatever it may be in your life and and so the the pain from that surprises me i sometimes i think i'm just being such a baby you know i just need to let this go and sometimes i'm right i am but also i i think there are a lot of our friends who are listening watching right now who think well you know i haven't been through this but i still really hurt you know because rejection is really hard and it's because we're not created for that yeah we're created for love and acceptance and so as long as you're anytime you get rejected it's going to hurt but you know a scripture i hope i have the reference right i think it's luke 10 16. jesus said if they reject you they reject me i love that verse i mean it makes you feel not alone yeah well it kind of is like he takes our rejection personally right yeah he was rejected despised and rejected and hated for no reason at all they hated him without a cause i think that's one of the saddest scriptures in the bible they hated me without a cause and there are people that are just they're haters and they're going to hate you because you're successful they're going to hate you if you look better than they do they're going to hate you if you have a nicer house than they do there there's just people like that so we have to learn that not everybody is going to like us but god always loves us and learn how that's why i love what the bible says even though my mother and my father have rejected me the lord will take me up and adopt me and so i don't know i will never know what it's like to sit on your dad's lap or to go to your dad for advice or to enjoy going to family dinner at mom and dad's but i don't i don't even know what i missed in my childhood because i have nothing to compare it to i never had it but i do trust the word that god will give me something much better yeah and that you know that's really people's only hope i mean you can go through all kinds of other stuff but god's the only one that can restore you and heal you in a way that you can i don't like being rejected even today nobody likes it and especially if it's a friend or somebody that you love totally it's really hard but you can recover from it because jesus went through it yeah and if he went through it and came out okay on the other side we can too my bible i had from high school all of those places where jesus faced rejection they are highlighted and circled and starred and because i i just remember even even then going through that and thinking you know he gets it yeah that is a huge thing is that he gets it and he gets me and he's felt it as well yeah so that that was huge for me and i know aaron for you too you've talked about similar things that you had to face i'm actually i'm having this really interesting experience over here listening to you guys um well i knew this is what we're going to talk about today and i was like yeah i've experienced rejection i'm good and i've seen god work through me and as we're sitting here talking i'm like i don't know that i am i don't think in the past year i've experienced some of this and i thought i was good and now i'm hearing like you say something like i don't know that i am i think there's some things that i need to go back and go through that pain again but maybe you're going to get another level of good but i don't want to do another one i got enough levels here i'm good no i know i want what you're saying i want to i want to go to the next level i thought i was good but maybe maybe this has got saying no air and let me let's do this again yeah let's let's go deeper let's go deeper and i know we've talked a lot about your the rejection that you've even experienced like even in like in high school yeah and like that stuff's triggering you know to think about it because i think about my daughter um we were having conversations like sim just simple conversations that seem kind of petty but they're real right like and i had to tell her now i was like i'm gonna be 40 this year and i just got people that i think are my real friends you know like you know like everybody's like we are you are athletes you guys say thank you my tribe now but it took i missed that in high school because everyone had that but she was like in a tech strand with some groups of girls and she was like mom why doesn't anyone ever respond when i say something i can ask a question she's like they're all cackling chatting about the dumbest stuff right like boys or different things she's just really not she's like i'll laugh like i'll put like a haha or you know or like a little smile emoji she's like whenever i say anything you know she's like they don't say anything and she's like and sometimes they're mean to people and i might come in and say like why are we saying that that's not really nice i'm like well you're kind of a buzzkill like you're a christian like you are like she's like the christian equal buzzkill i'm sorry like she's the one that's like don't say mean things about people and then they're all like crickets and she's like it's good for her i mean i'm proud of her but i feel her she literally like her eyes were well up she was like this happens to me all the time i don't know if i have my tribe or have people that really like me but i don't know i'm like you're like you're going to get them just keep the faith and stay strong but that rejection that stuff digs deep and i'm just praying like that it doesn't keep going you know what i mean like when you have different people just keep rejecting you you don't want to be scarred from it exactly so what's crazy when you what i've experienced recently like it it puts you it puts me back in eighth grade yes so that's exactly where i go is that moment 8th grade where i felt like i was nobody and had no friends and nothing and it's crazy how i am a 34 year old woman and i still go back to being a middle school girl in those moments and i i think that is real i think this conversation's so timely um our social media world i've got i've got um you know too high a high schooler and now the eldest is going to college but i'm watching it in real time i'm looking at my life in real time i'm watching social media and i'm thinking the enemy is having a field day you know he comes into the garden shame and rejection bang genesis hasn't changed just how it looks changes and here's the challenge for a lot of us and our people listening there's there's two sides and joyce again i think you've taught me this i wish it didn't take me this long to realize it so we might be helping someone right now um in our generation and out there everything's about find your tribe find your community find your we're almost creating another idol of community and tribe and this is what i'm concerned about because i i'm watching it on socials because now you call people out in real time you cancel people in real time it's actually like before yeah you know that's what they do you've been camping you know it's like that isn't it like yeah yeah so you've got it before at least if i wasn't invited to the party on friday night i didn't know until monday because i had to go back to school there was no internet in my day okay now though on friday i'm sitting in my room and i'm scrolling through and everyone's post so for a kid not just a kid any of us why was i not on that thread or and so the enemy is having a field day and i think we are almost creating this thing all over again and certainly the what i went through a couple of years ago was like hang on a minute maybe i still haven't relied ultimately on god alone i don't mean to be disconnected from humans but at the end of the day no human being is going to give you what only god can give you and it's almost like you've got to keep learning it and learning it and learning it um and in our day and age with all the social stuff that is happening this sort of tribe community vibe find your people do i think there's almost such an over emphasis on it that we're still not directing people to jesus i think that's a very good point i think that i've never heard anybody talk about it like that but i spend a lot of time by myself i have to do that to do what i'm doing and sometimes i actually think i even prayed about it this morning is like is there something wrong with me you know that i don't feel that i need a village or a tribe or you know it's like i mean i love people i have friends but i don't i don't need to be with somebody all the time to feel loved and accepted because you know when god calls you there is to a certain degree he's separating you away from other things unto himself and sometimes if you're hearing from too many people you really can't hear from god and when god called me to do what i'm doing right away i got rejected by all the people that i knew at that time and when i left the church that i worked in for five years i got rejected by all the people that i knew at the time and people have to understand that rejection is from the devil and he uses it to keep you from making progress absolutely you can almost expect it on every level that you're on when god's ready to promote you to the next level the devil will launch an attack of rejection again against you yeah to get you so focused on what's wrong with you that you really can't go forward yeah because when you're rejected you go inward and all you can see is how terrible you are or all the faults that you have i'm not pretty enough i'm not smart enough and so that's all you see because you know when god first called me when god first told me one of the hardest things i dealt with was i was just flat out lonely yeah because i was used to being a part of a tribe at the church and we had our group and everything the leadership did i was part of it and we went on retreats and we did this and we had dinners and all of a sudden i wasn't invited anymore and i hadn't really met other people yet yeah and i was just flat out lonely and every time i would try to get in like a christian group of ministers or something i mean honestly it was ridiculous i mean it was just like god would not allow it and i really came to the point where i understood that god wanted some time with me to make me what he wanted me to be and not to be so influenced because i was insecure enough at that time yeah that i would have been influenced by all these other people to think oh that's the way i need to do it i've had that same experience where for whatever reason you go through seasons in your life where people are just kind of stripped away yeah and you begin to realize it's because i have to focus on my relationship with christ right now it's the only place i'm going to get what i need and god's making sure that i do this whether i like it or not and that that desire to avoid rejection is so strong have any of you ever been this bad this is how bad i've been that um there have even been times that i'll reject people before they can reject me if i start to see something happening then i'll think okay well i'm fine without them and right and then you react to things that haven't even happened yet because of the way you're thinking that's so true here's a crazy funny story just to lighten the mood a little bit um i was on a walk the other day in our neighborhood and um i love our neighborhood the people are great they're really friendly the houses aren't real close together so i'm walking along and i'm thinking there's there's nobody around you know and i feel like this little burp coming up and so it's just me and the dog right so god it's just a boob yeah it was coming up not down so anyway there's no one around right i just let out this belt right as i'm walking and it was a good one it was loud and this this man this neighbor pops up from behind the bush he's out he's out doing yard work so i couldn't see him and so he looks at me and i look at him and you know what i did to avoid the embarrassment and the rejection i looked at my tiny 10-pound dog and i said oh my winston are you okay [Applause] that was really big are you all right and then i look at him and laugh oh my gosh how sad is that that you'll lie and blame it on your dog all the neighbors talking about ginger walking and burping around our neighborhood that's good that's very good but that is how strong it can be that we'll reject each other first we'll lie we'll do whatever we have to do um to avoid the hurt of other people rejecting us well i think the lesson that we can all learn from this is that i'm glad well as long as we have any of that which may be forever i don't know there's still a place in god we need to go right yes yeah that we haven't gotten to yet yeah yeah so maybe it's like god's saying you know come on got another little level to go through here i i mean i have seasons where i don't feel like god's dealing with me about anything but then something will come up and it's like oh no but i went through a long season where i just felt like all it was was just dealing with me and pain and dealing with me and confronting situations but god was getting me ready i kept asking him for my ministry to grow and for let me help all these people and but you know one of the things that god has taught me that's been so precious to me is you have to always remember joyce however many people you can help that's how many you can hurt oh yeah that's okay it's a lot of responsibility you know you if you want the privilege of ministering to what a city or the world or you know a thousand people or whatever it is you got to understand that if you don't have the spiritual maturity to do that right you can you can hurt those people the same as you can help them and so i am so glad that i literally and i hope people don't misunderstand this i mean god worked me over before he let me loose on the public yeah yeah and i'm glad i'm glad that he did it just that way it was hard going through it i didn't understand what was going on i didn't understand what was happening but like you said i got all the people stripped away from me i felt like i was lonely nobody cared about me everybody was against me everybody thought i was missing god i was doing the wrong thing and it was like in order to obey god i had to be willing to have just god right yeah if that was what it was going to come down to yeah yeah when i was underlining all those scriptures about what christ went through with his own rejection one of the things that really stuck out to me was he befriended judas knowing yeah what would happen knowing that judas would be the one to betray him to the point of death you know like none of us have ever faced betrayal probably before and the fact that he still went into that relationship with an open heart loving him through it how do we get you know we all want to be more like christ how do we get to that point how do we start pulling out these roots how do we deal with this i don't think it's something that we just decide to do i think it's something that the holy spirit knows when we're ready for what yeah so that's the great thing about going to him as your counselor because as a human counselor i could try to deal with something in somebody's life that they're not really ready for you know but god knows when you're ready for what and so if you just tell him i want to be free from all this i open my life up to you i want you to do whatever you have to do yeah i have a favorite thing i say if you have to tie me to the altar well you know in order to do what you need to do so i can't get away from you than do that and then i think god chooses when and how to deal with you and even through whom to do it right i'm reminded of like the one of the last um talk it outs that we did we were talking about um just me when i was actually saying i i was thanking the people that reject me like i i think i started to thank my ex-husband wow i i i think and i was just it was during easter that easter season where that part really just sat in my heart about how jesus befriended judas and how when jesus was on the cross how he said forgive them for they know not what they do like yeah and honestly it's like you don't even know who you're messing with you know like you know i'm a king's kid and i was like you know what this rejection people say this all the time that man's rejection is god's protection and i also say it's also god's preparation for me for whatever's coming next like the purpose of going through the storm is it's there's purpose in that there's purpose in that rejection and and i just see god even now like working that thing out and and our friends don't talk it out y'all have been fluent with me y'all like you've been there from the beginning you know for me like to now seeing a glimpse i don't see the whole you know the whole happy ending or if that even exists but me accepting the ebbs and flows of relationships and understanding that you know things come to an end and that's something that i don't like to think about is that something things come to an end and you've got to be able to let go when they come to the end and trust that god has a plan he will turn that thing around and make it for our good but thanking those people that reject me like and not in a sarcastic petty way because at first i started like thanks you know but you know like you're lost you know but then god really like got it in my heart where i'm like no really yeah i'm different i'm better i remember reading in a book years ago and it really ministered to me at the time and it's kind of what you're talking about said someday you'll realize that what you thought was your greatest enemy was your best friend and that's so true you know i look back now and all the hard so hard hard hard things that i went through that were rejection they brought me closer to god yeah i mean i was forced you know it's either god or nobody and uh i remember one day saying well god i just don't have anybody but you and he said oh poor joyce you're just stuck with god i love the way you talk with the creator of the universe i don't have anybody but god the king of the universe and that doesn't mean that i don't want friends or need friends i do but i'm glad that i don't have to have that yeah to function and i think that's what you're talking about and i think it's such a great point to bring out because so many things they get started especially on social media and they get started as yes we do need people yeah and it is great to have a group but then all of a sudden now if that goes too far and now i have to have that very much to be happy or if i don't have that because god's got some specialized purpose for me i don't have that then i feel like there's something wrong with me then it's gotten out of balance well absolutely and i think jesus throughout his life like um i am really concerned about all this language about tribes and groups and whatever now because it's like we're we're trying to replace it it's just another form of replacement and those people will inevitably let you down i mean every one of the disciples where were they when jesus was hanging on the cross right yeah anyone i don't think anyone was there his tribe left what happened to me my tribe always said so and so even throughout his life he constantly had well lots of times where he left his tribe to be just with the father or took a couple from his tribe with him like so there are always we've just got to be uh careful and i know it takes time because every nobody wants to be rejected that's the whole thing but sometimes it's not even the other person's problem it's that we were looking to them for something that we could only ever get from god and you won't know i'm not saying this is easy i'm not saying this is easy but you won't know that you're only going to get it from god until you don't get it from them and normally um and there are two sides to that sometimes you set yourself up i think though for unnecessary rejection because uh you don't need to put yourself out there i think sometimes what i watch on socials and p and i'm like oh man you're just desperately trying to get on that account or have that and you're setting yourself up for a rejection because god actually never meant you to be in that place or sometimes it reveals that we're chasing something that we were never meant to chase like so if we go i feel rejected from i didn't get that job or i didn't get that promotion i didn't get that gig i didn't get whatever it might be but maybe you would you weren't actually rejected you were not ever supposed to have that place and so it can all get like a little bit messy is what i'm trying to say in the midst of all of that and unless you have that place with the lord where ultimately your acceptance is in him and it sounds grandiose and i'm thinking of people that would be listening to this now that have gone through a marriage failure or a friendship failure or their parent didn't want them if if we live in a world where um we don't give people hope in christ and to say you actually can be healed and whole then we've got nothing more to offer than the world because in our current culture and and i am all about trauma therapy and i'm all about things need to be called out but i'm also all about jesus can heal you yeah and jesus can meet you in that place of brokenness and jesus can uh heal that place of rejection but it's almost like we keep going around this cycle in our current culture that almost says okay i can imps i'll use my example well my mother left me in a hospital and then i was abused and then i was uh rejected in my workplace and then i was rejected by some people in my church and then i didn't get that opportunity and i could now be 55 doing not doing what god's called me to do because i'm still sitting here blaming right all of those rejection were any of them right no could any of all of them have taken me out yes but what did my savior come for this is what i feel like the message to this generation is is that we are so over identifying um with some things that we go i can recognize it but there is an enemy at the end of the day it really wasn't even that person there is an enemy that wants to still kill and destroy my purpose jesus came that i might have life and life more abundantly and to destroy the works of the enemy so i can walk in victory despite the rejection that i encounter this side of eternity and that's a message thank god for you because you're preaching it but that's a message that's not being spoken about a lot it's more like let me list all the ways i've been rejected let me blame that and then it's almost like i can do nothing about it that's destructive i think that's why it really does come down to you have to have that foundation you have to have something to trust in to hold on to that is outside of yourself that's outside of people we're talking about rejecting rejection right how to not let it get those deep roots but there are those people who have no familiarity with their who they are in christ their value in christ they may even feel rejected by christ um so let's talk about that a little bit how do we get that foundation that no matter what somebody does to me i can come back here where i'm accepted and loved and always always um well we'll never ever be rejected how about that in some of my darkest times i honestly i went real basic right like because i do have my people now yeah but my people that i don't need them all the time yeah you know i'll reach out and sometimes i'll say hey pray and i don't necessarily yeah i don't necessarily need to tell them everything and that's the thing i've redefined what that what that um relationship is and what i need and i think that's the difference from when i was younger and just wanted besties to tell all my business with and cackle with like i don't need that anymore i need folks that'll pray because my my healing through this process has i believe has been almost hypersped right because my people point me to him that's my people point me to jesus like and so honestly the simplest thing that i do a lot of times when i feel that rejection i just start singing the old song yes jesus loves me because it's really it's just it's so simple it's so simple but i'm like if they don't like me if they don't love me jesus loves me and that's hard because it hurts when you get rejected by people that you trusted or people that you loved or people that you thought like even that the affair that happened was with a friend you know so it was it was a double betrayal for me and so it's like but i had to be like god bless them jesus i see you know you love me and that's but i do start just singing that song yes jesus loves me back to the basics back to the basics of what i was what i learned in sunday school yeah because the bible tells me so and so it's simple and we've got to work we've got jaira now oh yeah we can sing that's a good one when i was uh last year when i went through some rejection the i could feel that i could feel myself swooping down to that eighth grade girl when i i don't like where she go where she goes so when i feel that going to that place my first thing too is to run to my bible like i could not get there faster i put the kids to bed and i went straight to the word and i and i cried but i journaled and i wrote down those same things i am fearfully and wonderfully made i am chosen i am loved i am wanted and looking at those scriptures basic but i could not get to that word fast enough right um just to bury myself there well and see you've learned that through having to learn that yes yes yeah and i think in answering your question how do we get there to where we have that foundation in christ yep i don't mean to sound like i'm just you know all for pain but i think sometimes you have to come to a crisis you think you're exactly right point in your life it's like most of us are not going to give it up until it's stripped away from us and then you then you're at a crisis point you have one or two things to do you're going to either go to christ and make him your number one friend or you're going to be bitter and resentful and have a chip on your shoulder all your life and you're going to have a lousy stinking miserable life it's up to you i think some of the most beautiful moments i've ever had with jesus is because because of the pain i experienced because of that rejection in that moment i chose him and so i have never had such a sweeter time than in those moments with him where he spoke to me in a way that only he knew what i was experiencing and had i gone the other way i would have missed it okay this is really going to sound crazy okay when god was dealing with me so strongly for i don't know it was probably five or six years i mean i just felt like it was just one thing after another after another after another i just felt like i was hurting all the time when god got done with some of the stuff he was doing and i didn't have that so much anymore i actually missed that pain i totally get that because that it seemed normal no i think it it became like something i knew it was god working in me and it just became something that i yeah i loved knowing that he cared enough about me to not leave me the way i was oh yeah and you experienced the nearness of god so much but to work and yeah and i actually got to the point where i missed it is like isn't there anything wrong with me anymore oh yeah plenty but um no that's huge powerful that that says so much probably some people are at home going what is she talking about well it says so much about who god is and how much he loves you that he can do that in our life because you're right on the surface nobody wants that i've made the mistake of feeling rejected by god at times because of the things that have happened in my life you know blaming him for it and thinking d why are you letting this happen do you not love me and even through that pushing through it and realizing that he's still there right waiting for me to come back after i threw a little childish fit at him oh yeah but he's still there loving me so so then you realize okay even when i thought these things that were so wrong that god is still right there i can come back i can turn to him and he still wants to you know put his hand on the back of my hair and say i love you lay your head down right here i'm not mad at you it's that that's been huge for me and i would say that's huge for a lot of people that um in many many ways a whole view of god and you don't know you've got it you hold this offense at god because say someone betrayed you or someone did something you've so and i think i think i often think back to the when i was being abused you kind of think well if you were a good god you could have stopped that and so the same with rejection if you're a good god my husband wouldn't have an affair or you know you could have stopped these things and i think people listening to this sometimes we don't want to say it out loud because it's it i mean it's a serious thing but we've all been there so this might help set someone free and i had to i went through a season as i was going through yet another layer of healing through rejection where i had to go okay chris what is it that you believe about god and i had to own the fact that i thought i do believe you love everyone else i just don't think you must really there must be something wrong with me that um because you allowed these things to happen and then i there's several scriptures but i would write them down but not about even god's love for me but about the nature of god so you know where it says that god is light and in him there is no darkness now i had to sit with that for months to go until i got it into my heart god has no dark side so he's not up there letting people reject me or hurt me because you know somehow there's something so fundamentally wrong with me that i need to be abused or hurt or rejected but to even work on that and go okay no matter what that person did to me or said about me or did christine you've got to believe that god is light and in him there is god has no dark side so there's nothing in him that's going to want to hurt you or psalm 119 god is good and god does good and i would write these things down and go so chris what is it that you believe about god and i had to untangle some of my and i don't know whether it was rejection of birth or abuse or just life or social media where you you believe in a bunch of lies you act them out through people like you take it out you rejected me you hurt me but this is the bottom of because you're not going to go to a god to get acceptance if you don't believe that god is actually good or if you don't believe that do you know what i'm saying oh yeah i know exactly what you're saying yeah do you remember so now you want me to finish i think one of the big mistakes that people make and this relates to what you're saying is we always equate pain as being bad yeah and it's not right you know many times it's an act of love now god doesn't make people mean so they'll hurt us right but he will use them yeah to make you better so that's why as stupid as it sounds i can say now i'm not really sorry that i was sexually abused by my dad yeah because it's made me who i am yeah and so i realize now i mean i prayed for my dad to die i prayed for my mother to leave him i mean i prayed for god to get me out of that situation and of course i had to come to the point of saying well why didn't you yeah yeah you know why you could have yes you know why do you let somebody that mean live that long and hurt that many people yeah you know well god didn't get me out of it but actually he did something greater he brought me through it yeah yeah and a strong person that could do what i've done all these years and i think what i've i've realized even with my own kids we i had a hard time letting my kids suffer right because i went through so much and so i'm very guilty of having delivered them from things that i should have backed off and let them go through right wow and we think love is to always deliver people from anything that hurts but it's really right it's not yeah i mean i heard i was listening to a preacher this morning and he said if you love me and you see me sliding in the wrong direction and you don't get in my face and confront me then you do not love me wow yeah well you know we have to we have to be willing sometimes to let people go through things or they'll never get free we just keep enabling them to do the same thing over and over and over so all the thing is i think in answer to your question god why do you let this have why do you let this happen pain is not bad yeah so i mean some of the pain that you went through even in situations that i'm aware of that i went through similar situations and you know we think god why why after what i went through as a kid why are you letting this happen to me now but like you said before we're trying to get something from those people that god only god can give us and so i remember a situation and this to me this explains that a woman that used to come to my meetings somebody told me that she was really hurt because i never spoke to her and i went to god and i said i would i don't want to hurt her yeah why i don't even remember seeing her and god said i didn't i hid her from you because i didn't want her to get from you what she needed to come to me and give me wow and so how many times is god yes you know we want somebody do this for me be nice to me tell me what to do show me what to do and god's saying no they're going to have to go through this in order to get it from me so we're going a little deeper i don't know i don't know how many people are losing us or staying with us but oh no it's such good stuff you've got to go deep to fix this you know you have to go deep to pull those roots of rejection out and like chris said you have to know i mean that you know that you know that god is good yeah and that he loves you and i trust him and he's not going to let anything happen to me that is gonna ultimately be to my detriment i'm i may hurt and go through some things but if he's allowing that it's for the purpose of getting to something in my life that i am totally blind to yeah that he wants to get in there and heal and make well yeah yeah i remember feeling so rejected by god during my the beginning stages of what i was going through and i was like god how could you allow that to happen and he just he really went through a whole scenario like didn't you allow your daughter to do something that you really didn't agree with but you you allowed her to do something and i was like i did he's like i have free will for him and i can't go against that for him as well he's like out and so then i saw this vision of god like almost pulling my ex-husband's shirt when he was going like i got this like visual of him like pulling his shirt like to not go certain places and he's like i wanted him to stop and that just blessed me and then immediately following that i started i listened to a sermon about when the disciples were in the boat and it was rocking and they were going through the storm and they were upset with jesus because they were like you're enough on a pillow i don't know where he got the pillow from but it was a pillow it was a boat pillow pillow and he was knocked out during the storm and they the thing that got me that i just it just resonated with me they were just like do you care about us like they actually asked them like do you even care and so i just remember that feeling of rejection that i had with god because i was i was like man god we beefing right now like my friends would ask me and i'm like we're going through it but then he loved me his kindness and he loved me so much through it that that that that tension that that that moment of me being honest with him has just drawn me so much closer to him and because i needed that isolation and that's why 2020 was actually kind of good for me um and at the time i even i resigned from my ministry job i just i just stepped away for a minute just because i needed to not do all the time i didn't need to like lead people into worship honey i need to worship in my own bathroom and cry you know and just connect with god and so 2020 was good it was bad in a lot of ways but it was good for me because it isolated me spiritually too so that i can reconnect with god and not rely on community groups small groups this group that group not saying that those are bad because i love them but i'm saying i didn't thrive off of running things through them i had to go connect you said something that's really important i want to make sure that our viewing audience doesn't miss you said that god wouldn't go against his free will your husband's free will even though what he was doing was wrong and bad and you were praying for it to change and something that has really helped me is to learn that anytime we're praying for somebody else yeah to do or not to do something we have to remember that god's not going to go against their free will to answer our prayer yeah well yeah that's what he said yeah and so you know just because i pray for this person to change and they don't change or i pray for them to do something and they don't do it that doesn't mean that god's not god it doesn't mean he wants me to keep going through that yeah but it just means he's not going to make that person make me feel good yeah right you know that's why that's why you got to know how to and you know i i mean i i know that i know that i know jay even though what you went through was pure hell you will be a much better person when you come out on the other side of this and you're you're just about there but you're going to be stronger you'll be better you'll be more sensitive to other people's pain you know you're going to know things about god you didn't know before and god doesn't do bad things but he does work all things out for our good yeah if we love him and trust him yeah so good i i think there are so many people right now who are going to have a complete change in their life a revelation through something that was said through what joyce just said to jay whatever it may be but i really believe some of those roots are coming out today so thank you all we need to pray for people i love that okay absolutely father we pray for everybody watching today and yes they can be helped by what we've said but you're the only one now that can take them and take this and do what you want to do with it in their life and so i pray that every person would be really open to you and just pray that prayer god do whatever you need to do in my life even if it hurts and change me and make me what you want me to be and i pray that nobody who's hearing or watching this who is convicted by it and knows that there's something they need to deal with we'll just push it down one more time and try to ignore it let this be the time that they say no more trips around the mountain god yes i want to be free in jesus name amen amen amen amen thank you all very much and today you've been hurt you've been rejected but hold on to that loving hand that that god is holding out to you he will never leave you he will never reject you he will never turn his back on you and if you can just give a little bit motion toward him then he's right there waiting to meet you partway so that is our hope and our prayer for you and we love you all so much we have a free resource available for you because it's getting into god's word that really helps make all this real in our life and helps us to change the way that we're thinking about things so we have a free booklet that you can download called overcoming rejection you can get it at joycemeyer.org talk it out and while you're there you might as well go ahead and sign up for our friends list that way you can get all the fun things that are happening here on the podcast and you can catch up on other podcasts as well chris thanks a lot for being here with us thank you so much again we would love to we'll take you up on we'll take you up on it and we will see you all next time bye bye bye [Music] [Music]

Channel: Joyce Meyer Ministries

Views: 54,306

Rating: 4.9387665 out of 5

Keywords: joyce meyer bible study, joyce meyer, joyce meyer ministries, joyce meyer youtube, joyce meyer sermons, joyce meyer teaching, joyce meyer preaching, joycemeyerministries, joyce meyer 2021, joyce meyer sermons 2021, enjoying everyday life, joyce meyer enjoying everyday life, joyce meyers, joyce meyers 2021, talk it out podcast joyce meyer, talk it out podcast youtube, how to deal with rejection, rejecting rejection, traps of rejection, christine caine

Id: ZTaWYCW_B5Y

Length: 56min 58sec (3418 seconds)

Published: Tue May 25 2021