Byron Katie ~ Resentment and Jealousy | The AWARENESS INQUIRIES (Part 5)

so I experienced a depression that lasted for over a decade and I thought the only way to escape it was to physically die and I ended up in a halfway house and I slept in the Attic because the women below in the house were frightened of me and I thought I was the kindest person on the planet people just didn't understand me and as I was sleeping on the floor one morning a cockroach crawled over my foot and I open my eyes and in place of all that darkness was a world that is indescribable basically what I learned in that moment was that when I believed my thoughts I suffered but when I questioned my thoughts I didn't suffer and I've come to see that this is true for every human being and those of you that have open minds you are going to love this work and again this work is simply to question the mind little children can do it and big children can do it so what I invite you to do is fill in this judge-your-neighbor worksheet use very short simple sentences and don't bother using wonderful kind thoughts we love those we don't need to work on those when I have the thought I love you I love that when I have the thought and it's genuine and it's sincere I don't need to work on that I like that so the stressful thoughts a stressful thoughts so if there is someone in your life and I invite you not to judge you this evening you have a lifetime to do that but if you really want to know about yourself judge someone else so if there's anyone in your life that you have not forgiven 100 percent you may choose to write about that person this evening you may have done so much work and just have that just a little bit left go for it go for it don't be spiritual don't be wise don't be kind this is the evening the Eagle has been waiting for let it out of its straightjacket and let it fly we may as well we've been trying to shut it up for years and here it comes so why don't we meet it this evening and see what does go bump in the night and the day and the night and the day so let's begin short simple sentences and again don't be spiritual don't be wise judge your neighbor write it down if you're writing from maybe maybe a situation that happened when you were 5 years old 6 or 7 years old right from the position where you are angry or hurt take yourself back to that time and let yourself out express it on paper I say all war belongs on paper so let's put it there now so who would like to do the work this evening good my name is Linda hi Linda just went on vacation with my room with your roommate mm-hmm yeah for two weeks close quarters huh close quarters I'm angry and upset and sad and saddened at Patty because she flirts too much it's unconscious is irresponsible and she's lazy and she doesn't get it yeah so is patty in the room no no so she flirts too much mm-hmm is that true it seems to be so she flirts too much what she pokes her chest out and everybody and she you know poses a lot so that's her job yeah how do I know that's her job that's what she does so if that's her job how can she flirt too much that's a good point [Laughter] no everyone's doing everything has its job everyone has their job everything does its job not too much not too little exactly right it's exactly the right proportion so how do you react when you think the thought she flirts too much I get it just makes me feel really tense inside and I used to flirt too much and don't anymore not not too much not like that yeah well maybe you flirt too much for you well I think it used to be detrimental to me so in my mind feel like it's been it's detrimental to her yeah yeah and can you really know that that's true that it's detrimental to her well it seems I guess to work for yes I'm very judgmental and it's very uncomfortable yeah and I could name ten more things as she does it drives me crazy so so who would you be on vacation with her without the thought she flirts too much when she's flirting I feel like I don't know who I am if I'm not judging someone and when you were asking that question it feels like almost frightening like if I'm not trying to change everything around me who would I don't know yeah it feels like a blank and I don't always feel that way but when I get caught up in judging another person I start feeling that way what we do because we attack them you know and if we don't question that attack mode then it just continues but only to you deathbed so close your eyes and picture her flirting look at her good is she darling yeah she's good [Music] that's who you'd be watching her just loving her laughing hmm she flirts too much turn it around I flirt too much if you do it just one time maybe that's too much for you so just work with you and you have you know that that hurts you hmm does so that's for you to live other people love flirting you know look at her she's posing she's at her best just having a wonderful life until we jump in and say you've learned too much or given the look or whatever it is that we do don't know I only talk about her behind her back painful stuff so she flirts too much can you find another turnaround about the flirting uh-huh I flirt too much and then there's another turnaround she flirts too much can you find another opposite she doesn't flirt too much yeah yeah she doesn't for her well I mean it it's hard because when because she I get what you're saying again I get it but I do that I go yeah but you don't understand because she's you know she's being irresponsible and she's not doing all the other things to take care so it's I just have to stop and be responsible hmm and responsible for you could be to stop right if I see her as irresponsible I am irresponsible in that moment I don't have to look far in the past to find it it's right now what I think of her I'm doing and that is my pain that is solid you can find it every time precious every time let's look at the next one irresponsible she's irresponsible I used to be you used to be irresponsible yeah yes on one scale but when you're judging her how responsible are you being to your piece say that again in the moment you see her as irresponsible how responsible in that moment are you being you're costing you I'm being irresponsible to myself yes you're taking your partner and just slicing them yeah annihilating them in your mind and it shows on the body and of course it feels like I'm being helpful my aunt the only one in here that so ever you everyone relating raise your hands yeah that would be us no it's hard to admit this stuff I'd rather you know it's not easy I know how you're doing very well it's really painful to feel jealousy it's really painful to not like who we love hmm yeah yeah and it is very it is very painful I mean it sounds you know I'm doing a funny light but it's very comfortable and also while it's going on we think what is the matter with me there's something there's something the matter with me I promised her I would love her I promised me I would love her what's the matter with me so we didn't really I want to run I just want to go I can't be friends with you anymore it's too much too hard mm-hmm but then I don't want to do that at the same time yeah look at the next one the next adjective in the next question whatever you whatever wherever you go with it well I think I'll just go to the next question when it says I need Patti did it I just said I need Patti to change is it true no we really believe we need other people to change for us to be happy that's insane so how do you treat her how do you treat him her them when you think the thought I need her to change and she doesn't and you'll find the whole list of things you need to change within you right that's all you need to change to work on that how do you react when you think the thought I need her to change it makes me mad that she's not doing what I wanted to do and how does that look when you're angry and you think the thought I need her to change well it just makes me feel rotten that I can't I feel like I'm in sometimes I feel like I'm incapable of or I don't have the right tools to not do that so what I want to do is run and I don't I don't know how to like her I'm trying to see her good points and not her bad points and it's not easy no and she has lots of wonderful qualities of course but then it's nothing to do with it when we are attached to the thought I need her to change because that is primary until we question it well what does it mean I mean I was raised by three women and they were all like that really really badly very you know judgmental and very critical and all that so it's like you know how much of that is learned and how much of it is just does it matter it hurts idiot hurts and no one taught me those things I don't me those things mm-hmm I thought they would give me power I really believed it and they gave me a kind of power for a while and then no power at all that was just never enough hmm so who would you be if you did not believe this lie I need her to change I would be less stressed it's still hard for me to know there are two ways to be with someone they're gonna do what they do mm-hmm so there are two ways to be with them in pain and misery or free right either way you're with them so you could just sit down and work through it and go back for more these people are our teachers I did this with all my husband's that's why it's been I mean seriously that's why it's been all these husband's and it's like she's the first roommate I ever had really except for a guy yeah so it's like I'm doing it again you know yeah so I need her to change turn it around I don't need her to change because no matter what she does you're still her roommate mmm no that was good you know I can either suffer or not yeah and I couldn't stop my suffering I had a question what I believed and then my suffering ended until the next time and I just went for that with my arms wide open because every time I questioned something my whole life changed it's like we work on the roommate well I'm still angry at her but over here in these areas I didn't even work on just it's like what's the matter here I'm supposed to be angry and I'm not I'm supposed to be upset and I'm not I didn't know how to do that and now I do what happened so you question what you believe and it just there's an alchemy that takes place that it's a gift let's look at the next one oh I need her to change turn it around I don't need her to change there's another turn around also I need her to change I need me to change right yeah it's so simple the answers are so simple and I'm looking for this complicated you know if my roommate flirts and everything get to watch I get to watch her watch damn I get to watch them watch her I get to watch her I get to blah I get to watch it's like I get to see what I used to look like yeah that's yeah I know well I did it and how really no one's even looking and how I thought they were and I mean it's a whole without a story the reality it's like you you you know all you it's doing of you yeah and where she doesn't change yeah that's me too and it's like I kind of know this stuff but when I standing up here all these people and it's like more integrated voice yeah it really it's like witness witnessing hmm and you know hopefully we're all doing our own work I know I am and you know we're a bit self-involved here so okay the next one oh there oh I thought we were done it was a thought oh you never know how he or she should face reality and stand on her own she is not standing on her own is that true she seems pretty dependent but I guess she is standing on her own so where is she dependent she's dependent is that true people around you are dependent yeah it was dependent yeah so give me an example of how she's dependent well she's in debt up to the kazoo and I told her that she could come live at my house for six months rent-free if she pit if she would pits it for my dog while I was away and saved some money and she didn't save it she spent it compulsively so so where she dependent with you where's she dependent with me well I guess she isn't really except she doesn't have to pay any bills right now well you know so she's but she's not really dependent I'm allowing her to be yeah you're offering it and I already bills I offered it to you know but I yeah I offered that to her and then she you know she didn't do what I expected her to do and yeah so you were dependent on her to do that yeah she didn't do it yeah no it's true I wanted to told that before I needed to feel needed I guess I needed to feel like I had done something for someone and that they were gonna respond so look at here to migrate with help and wisdom and so look at your dependence on love and approval hmm yeah exactly because yeah it's not just I guess it's not just enough you know that I'm just a friend that I have to offer up something special that you're dependent on that yeah I love approval and appreciation can we meet like once a week what city do you live in I actually have lived here for 32 years in Boston so any groups here a families well I'm moving to East I'm going I'm moving to Nashville I mean to Asheville North Carolina one here from Nashville there's an inquiry Circle in Asheville I think oh really huh if you go to the website they're like crop circles popping up all over the world okay it's very two circles and they face each other and then you get a concept like I should have known better and then the inside circle holds that one liner in the outside circle facilitates it with the four questions without crosstalk then after about three or four minutes and one says switch and the outside circle moves and you begin again and it's a radical process very simple but radical let's look the next one so she's dependent turn it around I'm dependent yeah well they list the last one when it's just what three things do you most fear will happen I said what three things to I think would happen based on this on what patty should do not what would happen to so what I said was what three things do you most fear will happen and I said she will end up miserable okay so Patty's go this is your dependence again yeah Patty's going to end up miserable can you have one of those laser yeah so can you absolutely know that it's true that she's gonna end up miserable No so how do you react when you think that thought and you believe it she's going to end up miserable I start wanting to lecture her to death and change her and and buy her right and house her yeah that's how you live when you think that thought and it's okay we're just noticing but then we call him dependent so paddy would be miserable who would you be without that story or would you be if you did not believe that patty is going to end up in this rubble well I'd probably be more open-minded and hopeful so let's dialogue it you be someone that really needs me that is absolutely miserable okay give me a sad story about how you need a home and I'll be you I'll be a loving human being I don't know what I'm gonna do Katie I don't know where I'm gonna go I have nowhere to go no money oh my goodness I hear you have no money you don't know where you're going to go that must be terrible it is terrible can I come home with you oh my goodness you know this is quite a story and no you can't come home with me you really looks like it accident but that's adopted in your tracks doesn't it huh well you know what's happening is I'm listening I'm listening but I may offer my home but not out of dependence and not to not fearful for you know their misery I'm gonna really listen first because I could be with a person smarter than I am with more survival skills than I have and I could learn a lot you learn a lot well I have learned something from heaven are there yeah yeah so she's going to end up miserable turn it around I'm I'm good you have ended up miserable or she's not going to end up miserable yeah it's like you know your roommate and you know we don't know if she's miserable or not I don't think so but it doesn't sound like it she's got the posing thing going and no great responsible she's a good place to live yeah but you're miserable so it's always you know I am what I think you are in the moment yeah I am what I think you are in the moment let's look at the next one what's the next year I can't remain her friend because she's such a loser okay well isn't that the way we think is there anyone here that has never had that thought but when I said I can't remain it's like I feel sad that I can't remain her friend because she does all these things okay so so she had like if she would change them I could stay remember cuz she yeah so um so I'll ask you to move and you just be outrageous okay so I will be you a loving human being that really loves this roommate and I want her to leave I'm very clear so what's her name patty patty I want you to leave but I can't leave I'm trying to whine yeah I can't I don't have anywhere to go well well let's sit down and talk about it because I want you to leave Monday but where will it go I don't have anywhere to go I don't have any money where am I gonna stay what am I gonna do I don't how could you do this to me I don't know that either I just know that what am I supposed to do you want me to just sleep out in the street you'll know by Monday now fine yeah she probably would have no problem moving yes she has five sisters yeah yeah yeah but it's good those boundaries but well it's just the truth it's not a boundary it's the truth but I don't have a dependence because I question in my mind the last ones the sad one let's hear it I'm afraid she'll end up alone and who I would turn that one around yeah it's about you yeah yeah it's true yeah I'm uh really it's kind of sad when you think about it but I don't admit it I don't think well you just did both of my parents just passed away I'm divorced I have no siblings and no children so it's like lately I've been you know yeah it's your fear and I'm moving to a town where I don't know a soul yeah very exciting but it's also easy to feel like oh my god I'm really alone I usually didn't care and so many people really it's like so here's one for you it's possible to be alone is that true yes and if you were on okay we're everywhere you can't there's nowhere you can go that we're not there television radio the market at home you know they brought you you turn on the radio you we walk by your house we're everywhere I have a great dog great dog so you're not alone but if the whole world were wiped out we'd still be there right here yeah the whole world right here you cannot get away from us so as long as you see us as long as you're dependent on us you know just welcome to the work so sweetheart this is your fear to be alone it doesn't sound like you might just ask her together do you ever have a fear of just being alone and see what she says she might laugh who knows Thank You Annie thank you [Applause] you so let's begin I resent my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend because they're trying to maintain emotional intimacy is that true what does that mean to you emotional well what does it mean to him emotional intimacy what does that means I'm doing this because I I know that this is not founded in anything and and and everybody you know it's like every it's kinda sad well you know that's we are honey we're children at 90 no we're just taking a look at mind so as you answer the questions you discover at the same time it's just it's a wonderful trip it's a little threatening sometimes too but I've been through this like year after year since as long as I can remember and it the defense is so strong it doesn't change and I'm new to the work and I'm excited about it because it seems like you got to give it up but well what I what I've learned is when as I question my mind give up happens it's not something I have to do it just kind of falls away once the truth is seen freedom so what does emotional intimacy mean to him I don't know what it means to him but what it looks like to me is that he's he has thoughts about her he maybe he looked maybe he wishes that I were more like her in certain ways maybe he do you love him yes and if to ask what he wants no that's not love I don't care I don't care exactly that's honest so sweet right I don't really love you and I only want you to want what I want you to want but is what is love anyway I mean we're all just here serving ourselves personalities don't love they want something right so you're just very honest person just are you honest with him sweetheart I do not ever want you to have a life without checking with me yes by the way you know everything that you think haha check in with me first and if you think you can do that we're gonna have a really happy life together are you happy when he's happy yes is that what you want but not when he's happy with something that I'm not happy with yeah as long as you let him know that it's a beginning do you love me do you really care about me you can say no not at all is that what love is that I want him to do things that hurt me we'll ask you I don't think that's what love is a sweetheart what I can tell you is my husband can't do anything that hurts me yet and I'm open wait can you say that again that he doesn't do anything when he when he loves someone I support it because I love him when he's attached the tension is going to that person absolutely I'm spared he's happy and I don't have to be a part of it you know I'm free and he's happy I'm not there I want you to touch there yet we're not there that you realize you want its attention why what does that give you fulfillment a joy of security security yeah a sense of closure too oh yeah there's nothing there's nothing greater than I love you so let's hear what you've written hmm I want my boyfriend to have fidelity to to for me I want the ex girlfriend to stop toying with his art he is not faithful to you is that true is he monogamous yes or no does monogamous include thoughts let's ask you yeah if he doesn't shape up have you ever thought about who's next so you know what I'm getting from you is it does include pods yeah so he's not monogamous no turned it around I'm not yeah so you both have everything in common but I try to be monogamous well maybe you're just like yes to the world it doesn't even seem like an issue like this is so sweetheart maybe he's trying to be monogamous to maybe he's just like you know maybe he he doesn't feel like he has to lose old friends and orchid to be in order to be a monogamous with you well you know our mind goes where it goes but the old friends part is the is what I've heard and this is not a new situation that's why I know this is not him because this is with every relationship I've ever been in yeah so it would have to be yeah okay so so read it again I want my boyfriend to have fidelity to me I want the ex girlfriend you want him to be faithful to you and we'll say that's the mind like like he splits off to his mind that's your story he's not monogamous his mind goes to her and his attention goes to her and his attention goes yeah okay so he's not faithful is that true not they thought to you when he is being with her can you absolutely know that that's true hmm no I can't know that that's true and how do you react when you think that thought I go into panic I freaked out and how does it feel to freak out like that it sucks and how do you treat him when you think that thought and you're freaking out violently yeah and how does that feel inside of you when you attach me I feel guilty I feel shame I feel like you know why what do you want me anyway yeah and then also in that and that attack is your innocence attack attacking him is an attempt to prove your innocence can you find it attacking him as an attempt to prove my innocence yeah good but I'm really convinced of my innocence yeah as we attack and that attack says I don't love you I don't care about you you're off I give you all the reasons and by the way I'm innocent attack is about proving innocence it's an attempt and it's it's old who would you be without this thought who would you be when he is with her if you could not make yourself believe that he is not thankful I mean I can say these words but it's it's not true for me and I don't feel this person to say the words that well I would be really happy for him I would just be thrilled that he was you know having a great time so that would be more like you we're not quite there yet isn't that where you feel the most peace when you're happy for him mmm when you're happy for him happy is happy you're feeling happy yeah but not with when it's a you know it's different with if he's eating a great meal and he's really happier he does you know makes a great accomplishment at work and he's happy that's a different dealing of happy so who would you be so if you can hear the question who would you be if it were not possible to believe that he was not faithful when he was with her I would be it'd be really sweet okay so now here's what we're learning from you those of us really listening with the thought you attack him without the thought the opposite so how can he be your problem with thought believing that thought you atelic when you don't believe the thought you don't attack in fact the opposite I think what I'm feeling is that the thought I can't thought protects me against what might happen so when you're attacking him are you protected No everything you're afraid is going to happen you're bringing on the worse that can happen you're living with the thought you attack and with it not believing the thought you don't so how can he be your problem how can anyone outside of you be your problem not possible if you think someone is hurting you you are quite insane you're believing your thoughts and that's okay just know that that belief is what's hurting you not that person not that person I understand I'm just trying to think of what will I do when I fly into the next rage like when I'm really convinced again what is the Stratham trying to take home a strategy you know yeah well you know just work with work with mind and you get to find out on time so let's turn it around he's not faithful to me when he's with her turn it around he's faithful to me when he's with her could be just as true he keeps coming back to you there's another turnaround he's not faithful to me when he's with her I am not faithful to him when he's with her you tear him to shreds in your mind in your mind probably planning every way to leave him make him suffer make him suffer tack attack attack you're not date --fill to him when he's with her so you project he's doing the very same thing I think he's not being faithful to me turned around ah I'm not being faithful to him for all I know they didn't even hook up today there's another turnaround he's not faithful to her turned around I I'm not faithful to her there's nothing in me there wants to be faithful to her you know this may be pushing the envelope a little but when we look at how we treat them it's really nice to know they have somewhere to go yeah it's like she's taking care of him when I'm mentally ill and it's amazing he keeps coming home too you know you attack him and he keeps coming home to you she's very nice to him and he keeps coming home to you in fact violently attack him [Music] yeah so sweetheart there's another turnaround he's not faithful to me when he's with her I I'm I'm not faithful to myself when he's with her tell me about that when where does your mind go I try to do a lot of work with jealousy to understand what it is and what it seems like it has something to do with me placing my sense of the beloved out onto someone else since they don't love it instead of keeping it with me it's like when you love him you love you for loving him yeah when you don't like him you don't like you for not liking him because he is your project tent and you are the projector he is only who you believe him to be and until you question your mind you live with the enemy and it gets very confusing because you love him any question the mind it leaves only that connection but the beloved the beloved all is faithful to yourself and when you're not there's an enemy and the attempt it's your own innocence he'll attack let's look at the next one my boyfriend and the ex-girlfriend shouldn't cheat me out of intimacy turn it around should cheat me out of intimacy well up to now so I shouldn't I shouldn't cheat myself out of intimacy with him and yourself and her you don't have to go there yet we're just walking just walking through your does it really help to just say the words I mean it's just words at this honey darling you have no idea what's going on you know yeah let's look at the next one I need my boyfriend to see that I'm enough he doesn't see that you're enough is that true he goes I mean he has other you know other women friends that he's that you know that he's intimate with you know not sexually but emotionally and to me that's the same it's like where do you draw the line you know he sounds like a well-adjusted human being he is read it again I need my boyfriend to see that I am enough he doesn't see that you're enough for him is that true to me it's proof that if he needs to have other friends you have other friends if he asked me to not have those friends I would do it in a second yes I do have other friends but I don't I I feel like it's different for women and men I don't know it's so you would they give up all of your friends if he asked you to do that is that you know I don't need them I'm like the I talked to them once in a while on email or like a phone call once a year you know Fred in terms of past boyfriends you know and then announce friends and so if it were the reverse other male friends do I have other male friends that I hang out with and then I'm intimate with no that wasn't a question don't know friends yes okay and you would give them up if he asked you to yeah why would you do that because I really want this relationship to be everything it can be and if you gave them all up that would make him happy can you absolutely know that that's true I mean this is just too far out he hasn't even asked that it's you that's asking that yeah because I want that from him yeah is that true you want him to give up his whole world and just focus on you know it's not you so just sit with that you know you're getting to know you you are the woman who does not want him to give up his friends but when then when there's situations where it's really threatening I do want that I do want him to step out of those scenarios it goes like this the way he lives is okay for you the reason that I know it's okay for you is that you stay it's okay with you because you stay when it's not okay with you you go so so far it's okay with you so as long as you're there let's work on it let's look at the next one I need the ex-girlfriend to stop trying to charm my boyfriend and seduce him and try to get his attention so turn it around I need to stop trying to charm him and seducing him and getting his attention tell me about that so you can hear it I don't even think I'm very charming I mean when I find these rages I'm pretty not charming I really get that so tell me about the other part where you tried to seduce him with your charm so he will not have it these other friends yeah I want to be the only thing I wanted to be the main thing for him I want to know that I matter to him so you turn in to the seducer the what does it say here charm the charmer the choice right tries to get his attention that sounds like a lot of effort yeah and when that doesn't work you attack I attack and in the past I leave you know so you'd think that they do what you do you're projecting your actions your falseness onto them but I've seen them do it too oh really as they're talking to him you have to project that nothing else is possible so tell me in front of you give me an example of how someone tried to seduce him in front of you what did she say what did she do this is really uncomfortable for me you know what I'm doing here it's like where's your proof okay we're all musicians and we were at a New Year's Eve Club a club on New Year's Eve playing a show together and she's a backup singer in his band and after the show I mean she did many things on stage which I had to excuse because it's in the name of showmanship like rub up against him and all that stuff that I just that makes me go crazy and then after the show they got really drunk and I don't drink so it was even there there was like a barrier I couldn't relate to where they were and they were really you know having a lot just partying and having a good time and it's not a wit to me it's not a good time what did she say or do that led you to believe she was trying to seduce him he and her boyfriend were sort of piling it up and like being really affectionate and hugging and stuff and so she came over to me and in a very very sexualized gesture came over and started like pretending like she was making out with me to make fun of them and so then he turned to me and said said something that's too crude to say here and I know he was drunk and I know that she was realized that that has nothing to do with the question that I asked what she tried to do to seduce him that's what she tried that's what she did to get his attention that's what she did to charm him that's what she was doing it doesn't sound like it charmed him it did it it had exactly the reaction she wanted I don't get it but you do so let's look at the next one the next one is the list the ex-girlfriend is needy manipulative untrustworthy conniving dangerous greedy okay so let's turn it around one by one for all of us for all of us because you know it is so wonderful when your children your parents your lovers your Pardoner's your strangers everyone comes at you with these this is practice on do you really want to know the truth so you go in as they come at you and she'll probably be softer but some of them will come off with ah like that and when they came at me like that I would think how loud do they have to get for me to get it because I was so dense but only for 43 years so the first one I am I am needy can you find it where are you needy where are you so needy that you would try to pull another off of their path for your convenience you know I don't care about your path I don't care about you don't care what you want focus here on me yeah yeah I love you focus here I am needy I'm needy I'm working on it I'm manipulative where are you manipulative again yeah as I said I've only read about it yeah where are you manipulative with him and where do you manipulate your own mind and you really did some good work with that you know how you manipulate him too or its focus to be on you the next one I'm untrustworthy yeah you say you'll love him no matter what and you fall out of love like that I'm conniving I'm dangerous I'm greedy conniving especially when it comes to him yeah and greedy especially when it comes to him yeah yeah mr. Cooper says it's breathe so if anyone ever says are you greedy you can say yeah yeah I am I don't have too much problem with the honesty I think I'm just like the defense again is like I can't give up these thoughts sweetheart if he left you what's the worst that would happen I'd be in the same place that I've been again and again and again and again in my adult life and I'd be like at the end of my rope emotionally isn't that where you are when you're thinking like this even with him yeah so the worst can happen you're already living so if she wins you're just left with you again which is what you've got when you're with him but she wins I can't let that happen well you know there's a way of looking at that when he's with her think of how intimate he'll want to be with you yeah I mean that's your story about him look what she's getting she's getting the man who wants to be friends with all of his old relationships maybe that's what you want for her you can't lose honey that's all I'm saying you just left with this with him or without him you're left with this look at the next one I don't ever want to take second place to a manipulative woman be tormented by all of my boyfriend's friendships with women I'm willing could happen again the mind could go off on it's insane little trip I'm willing risk can happen as you enter the insane nightmare again and you wake you up why is something so silly why can't it something so dumb caused so much torment I mean I can see that as I read this this is really dumb but at the same time it really flips your heart people kill over this they murder they spend lives in jail they're executed what this is not nothing they rob banks to keep people in their lives they attack people to keep them in their lives we try everything I mean self murder that's always going on the murder of the south all the love in your heart these thoughts son question block that you lose the awareness when your end you just sit I'm willing I'm willing to take second place to a manipulative woman I look forward to close your eyes see if you can get a picture of the two of them together Katie I want to bash head against the wall when you say that yeah okay it's a lot it's a lot honey we've taken a pretty major trip so read it again the way you wrote it I don't ever want to take second place to a manipulative woman and be tormented by all of my boyfriends friendships so look how often in your mind you take a second place position over and over and over so when we say I'm willing to it could happen again in our minds and because we're willing to we're open to sitting down and finding our way because he cannot give you happiness can't happen you're responsible for that and rather than going through life like that defending we just be open to that mental experience again and sit down because he's gone and in your mind he's just preferring her and you're feeling guilty about the way you've attacked him so you sit down and be responsible for working yourself your way through it I want to say this with because there's so much love right here that I know this is the only place I'm ever gonna be able to say this so I want to say I am I look forward to taking second place to anyone if they're gonna make him happy it just had to come out of you because that's the bottom line truth of it that's the way you don't want to lose anything you just adore this guy so can you close your eyes now take another shot at it what do you see it's actually not bad yeah and when you and when I take the me out of it it's like nothing you know it's just I do a movie or something exactly so yeah that's what it is it's a movie you know Hollywood you know they're just so good at putting it on the screen and when something does go home my gosh you know we're in it and the mind is the same way it runs the the movie and what's beautiful we love it but when it's not we can question it and we can we can wake ourselves up and see that the nightmare is just a movie just a movie and that's our responsibility otherwise we attack people we love and then we feel guilt over it and that's confusion and confusions the only suffering on the planet like if Steven wants to leave me I get very very excited because who could give him more happiness than I could and he deserves that and it makes me happy to know that he's happy it's like who could be better than me No and it would be just like Steven to see such beauty in people and then I could see it too and if I don't and if he doesn't when there's something off somewhere and it happens that he's monogamous there was actions and that's my story but in his mind how can I know where is my mind that's all I need to know I am my partner I'm the one I love so that's all I can project onto him who are you because I have taken care of this I've given it what it's always been looking for and that is peace with itself and all I really did was question it and sit with it like my beloved child dear Katie it's been three months since i sat with you and did the work on the jealousy I felt around my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend I'm amazed to report that a profound change seems to have taken place as a result of our time together I feel like I'm in a secret little love affair with myself and that whatever happens on the outside is just fine somehow without trying I've let go of the need to control the love my boyfriend feels for other people this has allowed me to see him for the deeply loving man he is and to love him even more for it and now I see his ex-girlfriend as an ally helping me to bring him all the love he can possibly receive I see her with compassion and respect this is a miracle if you had told me that I could feel this way toward her I would have thought you were insane she's actually a wonderful person I still feel threatened sometimes when I see his love going to someone else but now I questioned my thoughts and I set myself free Thank You Katie for sharing with me the key love Marga you

Channel: Brian Cormack Carr

Views: 338,217

Keywords: Byron Katie, The Work of Byron Katie, The Work, Self Inquiry, Nonduality, Awareness Inquiries

Id: t0yR4KVvc98

Length: 62min 28sec (3748 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 18 2019