“I’m Angry She Abandoned Me” | Doing The Work With Byron Katie

foreign [Music] let's do the work so what is what did you read for statement number one and thank you for being so courageous yeah um my state number one said I am angry with can I just call her her yes we recommend it because she abandoned me okay so audience listen to this as though he wrote it to you and so he wrote it not to you but on you how many of you have ever abandoned someone would you raise your hands yeah so he did so she abandoned you and what is the situation girlfriend moment that moment in time that you're meditating on oh I give her a call and she tells me let's wait to so we can FaceTime so when you get off the bike get home give me a call want to check in say okay I obviously felt something was there but I like the word check-in I get home uh give her a call and it was simply put saying look I'm not feeling the connection I think we should break up and she was on a road trip across the the US with her and she's saying what she did to you and then you had the thought she abandoned me yes okay so in that situation are you you're on the phone the cell phone are you sitting Are you standing I'm sitting on my bed okay so you're in the bedroom on the bed sitting everyone see him in the bedroom okay so if there are 2500 people here there are 2500 different hymns 2500 different bedrooms this is going on all the time I mean when you hear someone talk it's just a sleepness so let's wake up okay so in that situation you're sitting on your bed and we can all join him there as though it you know get as close as you can to it she abandoned you um is it true now there are only four questions we're dealing with and the first two are simple they're they're one syllable it's either yes or no and you don't have to guess you're meditating on a moment in time and it will show you the answer so in the bedroom on the bed on the phone she abandoned you is it true yes so one syllable that's good she abandoned you the first two questions used to be it used to be three questions but I thought I'd give people another shot at it so I spread the first one out to two it's it's like can you really know that it's true that she abandoned you now you consider the same thing you're on the bed you hear her words so it could still be yes but listen and don't go into oh no like the answer is supposed to be no it's not going to work for you let it show you she abandoned you can you really know that it's true can you absolutely know that it's true she abandoned you yes now notice on the phone when you believe that thought how you react when you believe the thought she abandoned you at the time how I reacted and I'm talking about emotionally [Music] um I felt that coming where did you feel it coming oh my God in your gut okay so you felt in your gut and I when I heard it was like instinct was right and so the in a sentence the situation was we had been together but then I traveled for a month and then when I came back she traveled for a few couple of two weeks and it was perfect before but then in between that month and two weeks there was one day where we met and then when she went over the two over those two weeks she just chose to cut it off because there was nothing going into it you're doing everything but answering the question could you repeat the question yeah but [Music] how do you read yeah what happened how do you react when you had the thought she abandoned so I Don't Close Your Eyes touch with yourselves and just notice any any reactions in your gut I was looking for a reconsideration so I told her there are three things you could do one we could talk about it until you begin to bargain yes I bargained yeah and you continue to have the thought no matter what you say or do she abandoned me yeah okay so ultimately ultimately she did okay so in that situation when ultimately she did how did you react when you believe the thought she abandoned me uh I was calm I said okay bye and I closed the hung up and I just was crippled inside a little bit so you faked it I faked it you faked it probably we'll go back and see this isn't my work so I I didn't tell her hey you're abandoning me I was like that's that's your choice oh you didn't say it no they were very cool yeah and then and then it uh kicked in and then it kicked in yes yeah okay so she abandoned you now close your eyes look at you on the bed you see the walls any pictures on the walls is there a window on my left is a window painting in front of me okay so just draw she abandoned me drop your story look at you without the story are you okay is everything good other than what you're thinking and believing look at that guy no it's not okay other than what you were thinking and believing I see a man sitting on the bed yeah I mean besides that I was everything else was good outside of the new missing piece in your a new reality so in reality you were fine but what you were thinking so so you're doing really well wherever you are okay let's turn around she abandoned me so what's an opposite she would was the opposite of abandon me of abandon is uh stayed with you work out yeah she stayed with you that's the opposite of abandonment for my word was um look to fix look to high things versus okay so let's let's play with I hear that it was because I had more experience here okay she abandoned me she stayed with me and where I went with that from my own experience is how long ago did this happen three weeks ago okay and for three weeks she's been in your head he's staying with you yes she did yeah she just stays there and she stays there and she stays there and you remain in your bedroom and remain in your bedroom and on the phone call anyway she stays with you for many reasons okay let's look at statement two I want her to be considerate about me and look for ways to fix the relationship okay and let's see how much time we have I don't know what that means we'll keep going what honey oh good okay so I want her to be considerate about me and look for ways to fix the relationship okay is it true look on your folders you know those people you want to come back to you really foreign it's like I want her to be considered about me and look for ways to fix the relationship is it true that's I'd love you to just just take that question with you in your life is it true consider so you could meditate on is it true I want her to um look for ways to fix the relationship you might just meditate on that just throughout an entire day and notice how you react what happens when you think that thought what happens when you think that thought but I'd want her to fix things doesn't it take you back to the phone call it does yeah so it puts you back in time yes it does yeah and then the emotions and you see you there and you experience the hurt again it does yes yeah so who would you be if you never had that thought again I want her to be considered about me and look for ways to fix the relationship imagine your life without that thought I'd be Freer yeah that works for me yeah yeah I mean that could be better than a girlfriend just career and when you're holding that and and you meet another girl which she doesn't measure up to her um so comparison you know every woman is perfect if you don't compare isn't that fabulous I'd love you all to know that if you did not like you how many of you find occasionally find flaws with your body would you raise your hand okay if you did not compare without comparison do you have the perfect body I mean really no fooling around so everyone has the perfect body other than what you're thinking comparison basically I want her to come to be considerate about me and look for ways to fix the relationship I want her to look for ways to fix the relationship turn that portion around I don't want I don't want her I don't want her to fix the relationship yes I don't want her to find ways to fix the relationship now when you turn your your um judgments around you find opposites and it's like trying on a new pair of shoes you know does it fit and you just open your minds and explore it it's so knowing her on that one day the way you do why is it what is it about that experience that you don't that would make you not want to her to fix the relationship the fact that the surprise of not knowing when this might happen again makes me not even want to get into it at all yeah but with her specifically well I guess you would because she's done it yeah look to leave when there was no re no argument not nothing concrete outside of young fleeting discomfort or something and then just okay so you explore it so um so here's a here's a turnaround try this one on I want me to be considerate about me and look for ways not to fix that relationship with her in my head that's true so that's you're easy to do a deal that doesn't won't speak to you I'm easy to deal with this you're easier to deal with than someone that won't speak to you yeah yeah so now we're into some possibles and you're handy dandy you're there with you you wake up with you you go to sleep with you take you to a movie give you a little lunch true company other than what you're thinking and believing that's true yeah we wake up in the morning with she loves me you know not great company yeah who would you be what would you be you know thoughts aren't necessary I could say more about that but I got to keep this simple let's look at statement three she should be compassionate and consider the great times we had so on the phone with her is that true that she should be compassionate and considered the great times you had is that true she wasn't I well let's look at it is it is it true that she should can be should be compassionate and considered the great times I I think it's true yes and did she no so who needs God when you have your opinion I'm sorry we need to go then I have my opinion yeah it's it's like she doesn't want to but I like her that doesn't matter to me what she wants can you hear that it's like I don't care what she wants I want her to be compassionate yes I could care less if she doesn't want to be with me she should consider the great times we had yes thank you I see a lot because there's something off there it's hard to convince someone you really like them that's what's going on okay so um who would you be on the phone without her uh without that thought about her that she should be compassionate and consider the great times you had so would you be without the thought just sitting on the bed without the thought her on the phone again Freer yeah and hearing her voice and so we were the last sound you'd ever hear of her and it was I mean when you really care about someone you don't want to miss it but we're busy she should be you know she should be compassionate and considered great so we're not really listening to what could be yes really important it's a beautiful thing really beautiful thing that I'm not listening to listen it is but you were busy believing this she should be compassionate because of the great times we've had so so it overrides reality that's all I'm saying yeah so um I should be let's try the opposite in that situation I should be and read what you wrote I should be compassionate compassionate and consider the great times you had yeah yeah but you just want more and more and more from someone that's not going there we wonder why relationships don't work we wonder why we're hurt you're like saying no one can hurt me that's my job if I'm hurt I Look to me I've done that it's what I'm thinking and believing it cannot be another human being yeah yeah okay good so um let's look at the next one I need her to say that we haven't been who we can be and want to be or that we should take a step back and try again so you need her to say that you're sitting on the bed and she's on the phone she's telling you her truth you hear her yes and then you believe that so you need her to say that the two of you haven't been the best you can be together that you want to be and should take a a step a step back and try again that's what I would have wished to hear yeah so you to be happy you need that is it true to be happy I need that no because there's a bigger world out there but within that One Moment One reality of the scope of everything was down to that one relationship then yes but and it wasn't she's having no peace of it on that conversation no Okay so so how do you react when you on the phone when you believe the thought she takes take a step back and try again and she's ending it yes how do you react how did I react I felt uh disappointed yeah disappointed is a better word okay so again who would you be without the thought she should take a step back and try again who would you be yeah So Close Your Eyes see you see you there yeah she's saying goodbye who would you be without the thought we should take a step back and try again cold-hearted well what about good listener I mean that was your last conversation with her and you say you care about her yeah this is just all about you and what you wanted and you're not listening to this woman that's true so turn it around I should take a step back and try again as opposed to we should take a step back and try again I should take a step back and try again listening to her conversation ends which was how I felt after it like at that moment try again what well what about what about right now take a step back and try again to see it her way if you care about her that would be different foreign that way if you run into again and and she said oh how are you I'm so happy you can thank you for that you let her go yeah and rather than losing something like it's taken from you you you're giving the life of a listener in other words connected connected you know a man put a gun in my stomach one night and and um I was walking and the on a full moon in the night alone and and I guess I frightened him or something and I didn't know anyone was for miles but anyway he put this gun in my stomach and was a full moon it was so amazingly beautiful and the clouds and it was still and there was a river running and and he pulled the hammer back and he said I'm going to kill you he wasn't that polite he had other words with it too and I looked into his eyes and I you see it's like that phone call it may be the last human being I ever see who wants to miss a moment of it and I could see him he looked very frightened to me and I could see the clouds and the moon and it was it was it was an amazing night it was beautiful you know every moment is the last moment of our life and who wants to miss it when we're not connected we're missing it when we're connected we're connected and you know I had no idea whether he would pull the trigger or not because that's not something I could do anything about in that situation who knows you know I love love that question is it true and I had it with me it's user friendly so he said I'm going to kill you and maybe he does maybe he doesn't but I'm not going to miss those that last connection just like the sound of her voice and he didn't pull the trigger but um um I don't want to miss my life that's the bottom line he was a beautiful man Brighton now no one would harm another human being if they weren't confused just like she was anyway let's look at the next one let's look at statement five she is a coward she ran away yeah the first chance she got okay so she's a coward is that true no okay you feel that so nice just to sit in and allow that no to expand you to show you to educate you you know this is personal work so she's a coward how does it feel inside of you when you think that thought and how do you react on the phone when you believe that thought she's a coward at the time 10 minutes ago or just right now so oh so she's a cowardless just let's just turn it around okay in that situation I am I'm a coward yeah so give me an example where were you a coward in that situation I didn't take the time to deeply understand what it is that was that had pushed her away or led her to that phone call no sir great conversations Greek have that conversation with me you be you be her breaking up and I'll be you you'll be you say what she said to me and we'll have that conversation you be her breaking up with me so I'm going to reenact the scenario okay give me a moment we're about to hear from the cruel coward thank you so I'd like to check in on our relationship I feel that we communicate differently like different things that we just are not connected and I think it's better if you're part ways well you know that's I feel so connected so tell me what is it about me that that um that is there anything about me that um I should know I don't want to pass this on any further I can't explain it it's what is it about me that you don't like I just feel that after being together for um four months that I'd expect to be more connected but I don't well you know that makes sense I feel more connected you feel less is there anything I can do to change that not that I could but I am interested I don't know I think we are we communicate fundamentally differently you know what I appreciate about you you're you're so straightforward and honest I really and I love that you tell me sooner rather than later I really respect that so I look forward to us being friends for a long time and you have my phone number and um and you know what a great relationship we have this is exactly how the conversation went [Laughter] but here I am three but three weeks later but the difference is you didn't mean it one of us was honest yeah you know it's it's like as human beings that's the best the best we've got going for sometimes is we pretend and we hide our feelings and what I love about inquiry is we collect these thoughts and judgments from our past and then when we're speaking out of it we're coming out of something that's authentic it's real and I I love that for you let's look at the last one well you know she she's a coward she ran away the first chance she got let's turn it around I am I am a I'm a coward I'm a coward I run away the first chance I got the first chance I got yeah she said something you didn't like and you um ran away from that relationship in your heart in your head yeah yeah that's true yeah I have another expression it's on no one can leave me they don't that's that just can't happen because they live here and the heart is a symbol for that no one can leave me hold the whole world here do you love it yet that's the only question I do yeah let's look at the next one really I don't ever want to be surprised by an abandonment okay I'm willing to I'm willing to be surprised I'm willing to be surprised by an abandonment I look forward to [Laughter] I can say it but well it's it's it's like I don't ever want to be surprised by abandonment so if no if people never abandon you again which she did not she told you clearly but if you ever feel abandoned again it gives you the opportunity to do another worksheet it's not done until it's done if the whole world says we don't like you we're all that's left of the world and you're unacceptable are you happy that's all you need to know are you lonely are you alone but we are who you believe is to be and if you're lonely I'm up to yourself okay so I uh I'm I look forward to I look forward to be surprised by an abandonment yes exciting isn't it it's very exciting yeah I think just walk through the world because if it doesn't happen and what you see is the world it happens here yeah thank you foreign

Channel: Wisdom 2.0 with Soren Gordhamer

Views: 56,028

Keywords: byron katie, the work, doing the work, confront your fears, self-inquiry, mindfulness, free yourself from pain, stop negative thoughts, meditation, meditate, self inquiry, journal practice, journaling

Id: F_rVSEhF2u4

Length: 35min 1sec (2101 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 04 2022