Who Would You Be Without That Thought | Doing "The Work" Step by Step With Byron Katie

foreign what I found was um through that process it just came to me like I'm actually reliving patterns for my childhood in many many ways and so I realized that I'm actually like arguing with my dead mother and trying in different relationships to heal that that I can't heal anymore because she's not here um and it just like it was like a lightning bolt so thank you um did you do a worksheet on your mother I did a worksheet on my friend on your friend and as I was doing it I was like I'll be damned if that's not my mom yeah you know would you like to do the work would I like to do the work sure absolutely let's do the work okay do you have tissue up there yeah so come just step into my parlor if you um if you sit in a few of these worksheets and you work through them the way we're about to do now just filling one in would just there's this everything begins to make so much sense to you and and um it does take Stillness hi did you bring your worksheet with you okay so bring your workshead foreign there's the microphone and so what is it that you read statement number one what you wrote there okay haha um now I need my glasses too okay um I'm really it's good yeah it's so good wow I'm angry with Kathy because she won't stop drinking and she projects her anger onto me and she's critical and she says I'm the most difficult friend she's ever had okay now what is a situation are you on the phone or are you sitting in your favorite chair at home alone where is it that you've had this thought I had this experience with her I just had um just last week we got in a fight about it so you wrote about that moment in time yes excellent yes so you're um so Kathy won't stop drinking you wrote I'm angry with Kathy because she won't stop drinking she won't stop drinking is it true yes it's true she won't stop drinking now just close your eyes and consider this can you absolutely know that it's true she won't stop drinking um and it's either a yes or another I mean no it's it's okay and the mind will will want to talk about it the ego is going to want to defend and justify and just notice it's not a terrible thing just notice how powerfully it comes in to take over can I absolutely know that it's true she won't stop drinking the answer to those first two questions is one syllable yes or no and you just sit in it until you're shown and it does take quiet and the ego you know it can really scream here and just thank it for sharing it's okay and just go back to the question can you absolutely know that it's true that she won't stop drinking no okay so just let give that some room now notice how you treat Kathy when you think that thought and you don't have to guess close your eyes and witness it and tell me what you see notice how you react and how it feels what happens when you think the thought she won't stop drinking notice how you treat Kathy and how that feels when you think the thought she won't stop drinking can you all see it in your mind's eye so if you're ever facilitating this work with anyone you can travel with them I've never we you know how many of you see Kathy and see we've never met her and yet we can we can we visualize all the time we've got our own scenarios going mm-hmm what do you see well I see that it's it's not true that she won't ever stop drinking like she won't stop it has been true that she has not stopped right but it's uh entirely and also if you want to get closer with this when she's sleeping at night is she drinking I don't know it's possible okay so Kathy won't stop drinking okay and it's you know this is personal work you're going to go to some interesting places and you land where you land and and it's you know we've heard it's the truth that sets us free and you know we're going to land there we're going to use our kindest Minds to just just investigate to to see what's true and what's not in in our inner world right right so how did you treat Kathy and that situation with Kathy when you had the thought she won't stop drinking are we I okay I I was afraid and I felt responsible and how did you let that show well I was let me rephrase that I was angry that I was afraid and felt responsible and how did that show it showed we were in Mexico and I packed up my stuff and I left yeah and notice how you let Kathy know you were angry completely passive aggressive So Close Your Eyes you see it you see it clearly mm-hmm this is how you hurt you Kathy will hurt her not as she Witnesses it but this is how you hurt you we can't hurt another human being without feeling the effects of that and heard another human mean that would be in our own opinion okay in our own experience so um Kathy won't stop drinking who would you be so you see you're there with Kathy you're being passive aggressive okay I didn't go far okay okay but in that situation okay so close your eyes look at her you're being passive aggressive now look around are you in a cafe are you in a room where are you um I was in a room okay are you standing or sitting sitting okay you're sitting you're there you're angry you're being passive aggressive now who or what would you be without the stop the thought she won't stop drinking look at her look at you get comfortable where you're sitting is there a window in the room are there flowers is there a ceiling other than what you're thinking and believing who would you be without the thought she won't stop drinking and look look at Kathy without the thought and you know you can you can often sit in this place and and just stay there until you experience compassion in a situation like this for both of you other than what you're thinking and believing are you perfectly okay oh yeah yeah so Kathy's not the cause of your stress it's what you're thinking and believing so Kathy won't stop drinking what opposite would you find I won't stop what is it that you won't stop in that situation trying to rescue her yeah so she's addicted to drinking and you're addicted to rescuing people that may not even want to be rescued right she just wants to drink right a lot yeah yeah you know it's like a cat barks and a a cat meows a dog barks and Kathy drinks a lot drinks yeah yeah yeah maybe for caffeine not enough this is a lot in your world right it's enough in my world yeah and if Kathy stops drinking what do you get don't you have the thought that'll make you happier if she stops drinking well I think that's where that realization that my mom came in so with Kathy if she stops drinking do you think that would make you happier apparently I think that that would make me happier yeah so it's all about you you really don't care if she drinks right you want to be happy foreign it's like I can't do anything about that I need to do that's really good to know right a lot less anger in your life right so then that bring in bring in what I I wrote down of um um I don't want to feel the fear of losing her yeah because if you if something happened to her then you would be sad yeah yeah so we don't want anything to happen to her because you don't want to be sad yeah I'm just keep pointing to self-centeredness yeah yeah no yeah it it is but okay so um so she projects her anger onto you is that true it is true remember it's a yes or no yes meditating on a moment in time this is not it's like when you go into a discussion that's what we've been doing for right I'm a therapist so I want to discuss it so just discussions are lovely you just directed my whole career I'm sorry well hopefully just the anger part but thank you yes thank you okay what was so she projects her anger Onto You Yes is it true and just to sit in that contemplate it close your eyes is it true the answer is one syllable and it it will it will show itself to you you don't have to guess you don't ever have to guess again that's what silence is all about it's about listening being shown enlightenment she she projects her anger Onto You Is it true no okay so feel it yeah no so Kathy is shifting it's like you're shifting Kathy's identification in your world and that shifts your relationship with her and um and across the board with all relationships she projects her anger onto me so sweetheart look at her close your eyes and look at her in that room without the thought she projects her anger onto me notice a difference or who or what you would be without that thought yeah and this gives you an opportunity and that fourth question you can actually hear what they're saying as deposed to what you thought they were saying it's a Moment of clarity where you can really listen without your guard up because it's such personal work would you be listening to Kathy without the thought she's projecting her anger onto you who would it be without that thought in that situation in that situation yeah I think I I don't you're free to stay you're free to go you're free to hugger on your way out you're free to you're free to put your arm around her you're free to you're free yeah we did end up hugging it was okay you know well this is maybe you're hugging a different Kathy now yeah yeah that's yeah that's sort of the difference there's a difference there yeah it's huge one you're connected the other you're trying to make an escape maybe and not be rude I don't know she projects her anger onto me turn it around I I project my anger onto her yeah I do I do yeah and what I love about this is when we're aware of that we are more compassionate toward people that are really projecting their anger onto US you know whether there's no way for me to know they are or not but if I sense it then I become a very good listener and there's no anger in it there's compassion I'm connected so um she's she um she's the most difficult friend you've ever had is it true I'm her most difficult friend but we want to turn it that way she is so she says she's the most difficult friend she's ever had is it true in that situation you can say yes you were the most difficult friend she's ever had in that moment I was yeah yeah and maybe for all times perhaps [Laughter] about yeah that that how we treat like the child that's spilled the milk anger and resentment yeah and she's just you know I've never met anyone that wasn't my teacher you know and I've you know met some people like Kathy and thank goodness because they continue to enlighten me as I put them on a worksheet and you know dead or alive and you know mothers you mentioned your mother yeah and they never die and it's no I mean they live here yeah and it's never too late to get connected yeah no I'm not gonna hang out you may as well just be connected right yeah and uh you know my mother um drank herself to death so yeah she died from drug abuse and alcoholism yeah so you didn't get it with your mother you get it with Kathy and and then you understand your mother right yeah that I'm like oh this isn't about Kathy you know there's about me and my mom it's yeah and and eventually you'll find it's only about you right so let's look at statement two okay so in this situation how do you want them to change what do you want them to do um I want Kathy to wake up I want her to see her beauty and slow down and feel stop medicating herself and become more aware of her actions yeah so the world would tell you you are so kind and loving and such a good friend and notice how you treat Kathy when you think the thought I want her to wake up you want Kathy to wake up is it true yes you want Kathy to wake up be there in that moment when you were angry is it true you want Kathy to wake up yes and notice how you react what happens emotionally for you and how you treat Kathy when you think this thought and she just wants to drink and you want her to wake up and she wants to drink there's something off with this picture mm-hmm so describe how you react toward Kathy when you think the thought you wanted to wake up then she won't wake up when you think the thought I want Kathy to wake up notice how you treat her in that situation and describe it you're good yeah I've got a couple of questions and and you know I really see you that way because what you're seeing right now it's a gift to me it's the gift of Grace you have a mind that is open enough to allow yourself to be shown something just truly valuable I want Kathy to wake up in that situation sweetheart turn it around I want me you they do yeah so out loud so you can hear it so I want I want me to wake up yeah and you are and I am you want Kathy to see her beauty is it true yes you know we would say in the world that's a kind and caring thought but notice how you treat Kathy when you believe the things her to see her beauty and she just wants a drink right right right because you see how you because I don't have any control whether she sees her beauty or not or she wakes up or it doesn't really matter and it's all about you anyway absolutely if she sees her beauty then then maybe she'll stop drinking right and if I treat her as if somebody who doesn't see her beauty then that's that's that's all about me right yeah and notice how you're treating her you're not treating her like anyone that's beautiful whatsoever right right disdain yeah yeah all about me all out of fear um yeah you're you're so interesting so yeah and so I need to or what I what I want to do or what I can do is I I is wake up and see my beauty and let her drink if she wants and in that situation you need to see your beauty because you're just you're passive aggressive unkind self-centered and the ego says oh but only for their own good she were just like me right it's like we are no reason for someone to get sober no no if that's Beauty um just don't drink right yeah but really stemming from this this deep fear of losing her but what came was like but I lost my mom yeah and I'm still here yes and if I require my children to live so I can be happy and it's like be very careful children you know don't hurt yourself because I'll be unhappy and then they have to live for me that doesn't give them a lot of freedom that gives them a life of guilt and they can't be honest with me listen to her mom right right yeah so a little girl growing up like that yeah that's how I grew up yeah so on let's let's just turn this whole thing around I want me to wake up look at what you wrote I want me to see my I want me to wake up I want me to see my beauty slow down I want to I I want to slow down I want to feel I want to stop medicating myself using her as my drug of choice in the moment using her and become aware of my actions yeah Now read it just like that again because when you take your worksheets home today or later you can sit down and in that situation what you want is and read it so imagine you're there with Kathy you're passive aggressive and read it again I want me to wake up read it just the way you read it I want me to wake up see my beauty yes these are your directions and that situation situation what you really want yeah not what you wrote we're getting closer to our true nature here yeah what I really want slow down and feel yeah and in that situation I I want to stop medicating myself on her on her on her she's addicted to drinking you're addicted to that thinking right and become aware of my actions in that moment yeah yeah foreign in that situation I don't want Kathy too and repeat those same words all the way through okay I don't want Kathy to wake up no she wants a drink look at her right here connect get connected I don't want her wow that's hard to let go of that weird I don't want Kathy to see her beauty no no look at Kathy do you see her on your mind side how could she and look at your passive aggressiveness how could she foreign and I don't want I don't want Kathy to slow down no honey she can't hmm I don't want her to feel no and I don't want her to stop letting her medicating herself trusting another person's path in that moment in time and I don't want her to see her beauty slow down to feel to stop medicating herself I sound like a dictator it's like everything you're doing is wrong I know and it's painful painful for you painful for her and I don't want her I don't want her to become aware of her actions no look at her do you see why in that situation you see why she said no shape to become aware of her actions she's in no State of Mind to stop medicating herself you know love is the power that's the power I have that little voice inside that's like but I really want her to you know so turn it around I really want me I really want me to get sober she's drunk with her drinking you're drunk with your thinking yeah both of you addicted it's like I'm passive aggressive but I think I'll run your life foreign oh my gosh yeah in the next one let's look at advice hurry um statement three statement three on that one I just said I I want Kathy to Kathy should uh Kathy said oh Kathy should stop drinking um doing drugs and love herself so Kathy should stop drinking look at her in that situation and see if it's true and I always look to myself in that situation for example if I'm being passive aggressive she should stop drinking is it true foreign I know you said yes or no but I I feel like my answer is who am I to say you feel like your answer is who am I to say well um and I suggest that you just notice that and be with it because it sure feels like wisdom to me yeah but when I look at self-inquiry who am I to say I'm only dealing with myself so I'm gonna just stay silent and open and continue to ask is it true Kathy should stop drinking in that situation because this is me I'm dealing with Kathy's not here right yes it's true so Kathy should stop drinking could you absolutely know that it's true that Kathy should stop drinking you know this is that that walleye hit was like who needs God when we have my opinion Cafe should stop drinking I know you know and we're like that we're we're dictators and we can't stand dictators and now you know why too close to home Relic little orange men inside foreign man took over [Music] Kathy your little sidebar write it down that could be your next worksheet and then come back to Cafe [Laughter] foreign notice how you treat Kathy when you think the thought she should stop drinking and notice who you would be just look at Kathy without the thought you know you can just get really still and you just witness and you watch and you see what you saw then that you didn't see and it's all there just meditating on that moment in time without the thought get connected she should stop doing drugs is it true can you absolutely know that it's true it's like you said who am I yeah and Kathy should love herself is it true in that situation notice your words to her she should love herself is it true in that moment in time and situation foreign to say so be there and that the State of Mind look at Kathy without the thought without those judgments you see her you're connected you've taken all the requirements off of her yeah connected and no matter how hard you try she drinks if she doesn't she drugs if she does and she loves herself or she doesn't but it's like if we are really passive aggressive and she stops drinking she stops doing drugs she does love herself with it I am the way in the light you know she doesn't get credit it's I did that without me she wouldn't so it's really all about me if she does all that then I won't have to worry about her I am freed up from that and then I'm safe I'm safe so I think I'll just go out in the world and continue this Behavior this passive aggressive behavior because obviously it works in other words I'm taking credit for something that she herself has accomplished so let's turn it around Kathy should not stop drinking Kathy should not stop drinking she should not she should not do drugs and she should not stop doing drugs she should not stop doing oh yeah she should not stop doing drugs and she should not and she should not love herself not yet not yet no not in that situation it's obvious and you're disconnected there's something off and it's not Kathy if I'm disconnected there's something off and it's not them right it can't be my husband it can't be my children it can't be in anyone in my life if I'm not connected I'm not connected if I'm not connected I have some work to do to get connected and just like you you're connected that's it you're waking up to reality so Kathy should stop drinking I should stop I should stop drinking yeah good just don't drink and what else is it that you do that you tend to do that you can't stop doing foreign yeah that one so stop that thought that just stop that not so easy so now we understand Kathy I should stop doing drugs and you know but we all have excuses for doing drugs but it's not okay for Kathy she doesn't do them like I do them she should love herself turned around that'll be a life's work well her drugs aren't my drugs right yeah like using drugs is my drugs are people yeah yeah Kathy in this situation is your drug of choice yes yeah you're inebriated yeah yeah [Laughter] like just Mainline and casting yeah main line and Kathy and if she's not around I'll put someone else that's right yeah right right that's that that's that's the so um so Kathy should stop doing drugs yes notice what happens when you think that thought do you see a picture of Kathy in your head okay you see a picture of Kathy in the future dying like your mother so in that room with Kathy you see that image of a future you see the image of a past with your mother you put that on as an image in your head for Kathy and you're witnessing those two movies and you become passive aggressive yeah now you see that image of Kathy in your head is that Kathy your imagination it's imagination you see that image of your mother and your head is that your mother or imagination it's my imagination so is Kathy upsetting you or are you just in a movie I know what I'm supposed to say I'm I'm in it yeah I'm in that movie yeah so when you're talking to Kathy that movie's running and Kathy's not the one upsetting you it's the movie you're you're asleep right and that's the dream you understand so do you see an image of when you were sitting over there mm-hmm which one's you is it that one or this one yeah I'm I'm both I don't want's imagination which one would it be you lost me there okay sorry so you see in your mind's eye when you were sitting in the audience okay is that you our imagination no that's my yeah that's my imagination okay so it's good to know who you are and who you're not okay okay so okay so this past future thing now do you remember when I asked you the question which one's you okay so was that you I asked or is this you this is me good understand so anything that would anger you would be Future Past Future Past people cannot upset you short version and I love that if this when you get silent you begin to notice the difference that way people will never you'll be connected to all people all the time because you won't be putting past future onto them the stories yeah and you can stay connected in your life and in that for someone like you you can make changes that you cannot even imagine because there's no malice in it there's just literal listening and hearing and understanding and also there's nothing to fear in it because you have to put a future on someone before you can fear this will make you be on Beyond it it takes you like you hear the word powerful it takes you beyond what you can conceive of what that word even means so let's look at the next one I'm just I'm having to I'm just still processing that what you you have you have to put a future on someone before you can fear them before you can fear and you're not fearing that person you're you're fearing out of the images yeah and then that person you put the wrap on because you're out of time meaning you know literally out of real time right right that's some good okay okay number five um no no in order to be what do you need to be happy in that situation for what do you need them to think say feel or do that one you know what's interesting well because you you said them I went to I went to instead of Kathy I went to themselves like I think that's where I connected like oh this is not just this one person it's like right there I need Kathy to love themselves is what I wrote you need Kathy to love herself love herself and stop the destructive Behavior and feel good so you to be happy you need Kathy to love herself hear how crazy that sounds Now isn't it for me to be happy love yourself because if I if I'm unhappy it's your fault right yes yeah that sounds insane so to be happy you need Kathy to love herself is that true no no and even if she did look at what you would put on her you might not believe it right because I need her just give her a drink if you want to see her right but happy under my rule but if I need her to love herself for me to be happy then there's a point a process in there where I'm expecting her to not love herself which doesn't allow her to love herself very good when she's in relationship with me oh you need to be Kathy to love herself is it true no and how do you react what happens how do you treat Kathy and how does it feel inside of you when you think the thought I need Kathy to love herself that I need to love myself okay yeah it's not up to me so notice what happens in the past future in your head you're with Kathy and you think the thought you need her to love herself notice the images that happen this takes such Stillness but this is a practice and it gets easier and easier until finally you're just awake you're just awake noticing the difference between life and this so notice the images you're you're they're in the room with Kathy and you have the thought you need her to love herself notice the images of past future that happen in your head what do you see I mean I I go back to seeing that it's just all about me yeah to see an image honey Kathy to love herself you see an image of her loving herself and she's so happy and then you see the the image but that's not Kathy is it no it's my imagination purely and then you put that on there and you compare there's Kathy here you have like what it looks like if she was doing these things then I then yeah yes and so with the Mind compares you really think this is Kathy the one in in your head and you see Kathy and then you do whatever it takes as your mind compares to make your dream come true and this is the dream believing that'll bring you happiness yeah so it shows you you've got an you know your heart is there completely but we're just coming out of a a crazy head and then you see the image of a past maybe your mom dying of alcoholism you see that and then you see this and you've got to save Kathy from this which is Pure Imagination is that your mother or imagination you're putting past future on Kathy and then coming out of fear and your re and your responses a dream a dream a dream so it's here's the question is is it Kathy that's upsetting you or is it the movie the dream no it's it's the movie yeah yeah with no comparison look at your friend Kathy without comparison that's who would you be without without this thought on superimposed from here to there there's Kathy perfect no no so how many of you have had the thought that you're not as handsome or as beautiful as you that you're not as handsome or beautiful as you'd like to be okay so um if you if you could not compare you to any other human being are you amazingly perfect how many of you see that so you're amazingly beautiful and perfect until the Mind compares and so you're coming out of this fantasy you're comparing yourself to a fantasy no one has ever seen themselves so um you want Kathy to stop her destructive Behavior turn it around I want me I want me to stop my destructive Behavior yes and to do that we need to become sane and know what's real what's reality and what's imagined without comparing and if we're awake to this it leaves a smile it leaves as you all saw yourselves it leaves everyone perfect so we can communicate we've got the mess cleared away the unfinished business that we put onto that and so we can we're The Power of Love is immeasurable and we've been coming out of the power of fear the powerlessness of the Earth [Music] okay so um in that situation with Kathy here is your prescription for happiness I need me to love her in that situation I need me to love her and to stop my and I need to stop my destructive Behavior and to and I need to feel yeah yeah so later when you when when you leave here if you look at statements two three and four and you turn them around it shows you how to be sane in that situation in that situation will arise over and over in your life okay so uh and until it doesn't and let's look at the next one at statement five okay what do you think of them in this situation make a list remember be Petty and judgmental so Kathy is Kathy is this is hard for me to say out loud all of this I'm sorry [Music] um Kathy is unbalanced she's out of line Kathy is selfish and she's lazy and she's angry and she's unaware Kathy is judgmental and scary she's bull headed Kathy is guarded and blaming she's broken she's scared and and maybe a little mentally ill [Laughter] thank you for making me say this on stage to everybody on camera it's on camera I know live all over tell me when it comes to gonna be great for my parents well there's so much self-awareness here hopefully people will flock to you so in that moment in time okay we're talking about a moment in time and that moment in time I am foreign that moment in time I am unbalanced okay and then you check it out you know and we're to the end of the worksheet and we've been checking it out so so you're pretty awake to where you where you're off balance you always judge that out of your heart it's just natural okay and in that moment in that situation I am out of line in that situation I'm out of line yeah and and in that situation I'm selfish yeah so you get that I get it okay yeah and in that moment I'm lazy I am um lazy I am angry like you're lazy and you're thinking you're just asleep yeah yeah you're not seeing Kathy you're coming out of your own assistant out of that yeah yeah in that moment I'm angry in that moment I'm unaware and in that moment I'm scary yeah and in that moment I'm judgmental and didn't you say scary I said scary and I said scared but yeah but look scary yeah you know if you're Kathy poor baby some amends to make yeah yeah for sure yeah and the next one uh you know yes I'm scared and when I'm scared I can be scary I can be I can be yeah I can be pretty damn scary I uh in that moment I am bullheaded and as you contemplate these you know I I am beheaded in that moment and would you take that really slow and your Witnesses that's why Imaging is good you know yeah the the world is showing me my world my unenlightened world and where I'm wearing how I'm asleep but I am in that situation I'm bullheaded you know in in in that movie now of then of then we'll be headed and I can witness me and if I really witness how I am toward Kathy and then do this all the way through the worksheet but where I'm bullheaded I begin to see what I do with my shoulders my facial Tendencies You know I'm being passive aggressive I begin you know I really get to know myself from that visual I couldn't see it then I can see it now and I sit with it so when those those physical Tendencies start to arise again I immediately can associate with for example I'm being bullheaded I'm scaring me but it just immediately will shift until there's nothing to shift it's just a way of of life so in that situation I am guarded in that situation I am guarded and always look for examples in silence you know Finding said where was I guarded selfish lazy judgmental or was I blaming and this will give you some more amends yeah and where is it that I was broken maybe some self amends there scared and maybe a little mentally ill and you check it out and and it's by your standards in that because Mentor in that moment just in that moment all of us yes right I'm sorry it's like right right right not now but we know we know uh we know when we're frightened and to me that is mental illness yeah and because we're aggressive in it so um um where was I mentally ill you know why was I aggressive and are there any men's to make to her to me and to like you know it's like picking up bread crumbs so I follow through with this so when I think of Kathy in that situation I am so connected with my friend any time of night or day I think of Kathy that's how I know my work's done then the next time you see Kathy you're not putting that on her it's impossible because you're awake and you get to meet her for the very first time and then maybe there's a little work to do but friends like that are there to give us our work right yeah okay the next one what is it about this situation that you don't ever want to experience again I don't even remember what I wrote I don't ever want to have to regress in order to be with her I don't want to feel the fear of losing her so I'm willing to well and I have the one and I don't want to feel responsible for her anymore so you were responsible for Kathy in that situation is it true no good to know okay that is that's a lot of freedom yeah so I'm willing to regress I'm willing to have to regress I am willing to have to regress to be with her to be with her yeah it could happen you know if you have any unfinished business it could happen and then that would give you another worksheet and an opportunity to clean it up and that's the point yeah yeah I mean that's what that's what it makes a lot here for right yes it makes all of life exciting right yeah so I'm willing to um have to regress in order to be with her yeah and I'm willing I'm willing to feel you want to have yeah I'm willing to feel the fear I'm willing to feel the fear of losing her yeah because that's another worksheet that's a word that's going to be a worksheet that's a that's a worksheet yeah yeah oh yeah oh yeah and then I'm and I will say that I'm willing to not well I'm willing to feel responsible I'm willing to feel responsible for her again again yeah now do the whole thing again with I look forward to I look forward to regressing in order to be with Kathy yeah it's just another worksheet I look forward to feeling the fear of losing her another worksheet and I look forward to feeling responsible for her again yeah I look forward to feeling responsible for her again again I look forward to feeling responsible for her again yeah exciting isn't it it's just not done until it's done without fear am I really huh if they so my ego jumps in and goes no I now we just talked I don't look forward to that but I do want to be around and there's Kathy you want in your life and right you know Kathy if there's any unfinished business that your mother didn't get to you Kathy I'll get it to you and again mothers don't die they live right here so worksheets on your mother between the two of them they're here to wake you up there's no one and nothing that isn't a teacher there's no one and nothing that isn't here to wake you up that's it this might go off the worksheet but I just how do you know when you say I don't want to be in relationship you know like no if she says like to walk away or say no you know so I'm not understanding well to say like um like Kathy says um let's go somewhere and you say no I prefer not to no of saying I don't want this relationship anymore like Kathy would say that to you no I would like at what point do you say this is enough when it's you know when it's true yeah and I don't want to say that about Kathy because I love her and I will regress with her I will do and I do I look forward to this yeah I want to learn because even if even if you say that and never see her again she's still going to live here like your mother does it's just not done until it's done you can't lose a teacher until you get the lesson right and that's where we say well okay if you walk away from that person good luck with that good luck with that because like we said like an addict that's my drug I'm gonna just find a new person to fill that until I'm done yeah and it'll be her in her head also uh-huh they all join together I mean for all you know Kathy only lives in your head no she's in fact I would say I would take out for all yours she's real okay he's a real person okay but but yeah but the idea of her yeah and whatever I made of her right that's in here here's what you're saying so if you're with her she'll give you another worksheet and if she doesn't your work's done there and if she dies like she's dead right now let's say she'll live right here and she'll give you another worksheet because it's just not done until it's done dead or alive because it's not about her anyhow and where's your proof that she exists okay so right now she I don't have no proof right she's right now right now she's just in my imagination right now that's the only place she is in your world right right that's a very important thing to understand yeah that's that's a that's a doozy so where's your mother right now she's in there in my imagination so how can she die if your mother's in the bathroom and you're in the kitchen or to say you were in the bathroom and your mother was in the kitchen remember that okay you imagine she was in the kitchen so you had a certain life going on inside your head but for all you know she went to the store right so mothers are here dead or alive right so this is where our work is that's all I'm saying peace of mind yeah so that we can connect with the world without War resentment anything any lack of love and it's not just oh good I love everything love is a Fearless State of Mind someone asked me for my definition of love the other day it's a Fearless State of Mind done that way when we're making change there is nothing to stop it there is no self to protect and if well this is a push but if there's anyone standing it's there's no separation you can't die good work thank you thank you thank you anyone that would work with you it would be a privilege thank you

Channel: Wisdom 2.0 with Soren Gordhamer

Views: 48,418

Keywords: byron katie, the work, doing the work, confront your fears, self-inquiry, mindfulness, free yourself from pain, stop negative thoughts, meditation, meditate, self inquiry, journal practice, journaling

Id: EPzbzbrtjLY

Length: 70min 32sec (4232 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 30 2022