How “The Work” by Byron Katie Will Get You out of a Negative Headspace

if I can just fix these problems out in the world my life will be better and so we thought we'd just kind of see if we can finish up that conversation if we will in terms of how you see that and how you experience that and how uh the work orients towards the war that we create within and the war that we see without so you know if if my child for example um like knocks over a glass of milk okay and and I say to my child I told you to be careful what's the matter with you okay how many of how many of you experienced that as violet you feel it inside and if you're that child you hear it there's something to matter with me because mother father said what's the matter with you okay so there's something to matter with me okay so what's the matter with me you know later maybe I feel guilty I was a little too harsh with that child okay so now I'm wearing guilt that tells me that I'm off but then my mind could go to well I told him to be careful and he didn't do it okay so I'm putting it back on the child when I am the cause of the violence the child is innocent he didn't think well I think I'll just do this and upset mom and and it didn't work that way so now that violence in my home and a mind that would create violence like that in the home at any level that is the mind that I'm going to go out you know as that mother I'm going out in the world and I'm going to do something important I mean look at the mind that's going out in the world to do something important and make change and make change and let's say I mean I am not a great Problem Solver but my heart's in the right place I'm going to do everything I can to make change look at the mind I'm making making these changes with there's something way off so as as as you began the conversation with it's like that has to be taken care of on the inside before it's ever going to change out here the way I speak to my child I mean how many of you I mean we can't even determine whose turn it is to do the dishes without blame or or some kind of argument going on it's not my turn you know that came up yesterday in the Q a it's not my turn no it's it's my it's you know it's on and on and what prevents that is the egoic identification with um what what prevents that learning from your perspective that sees the problems as outside and does not necessarily understand the own violence limited self-awareness limited awareness of self and the only solution I know to that from experience because it's it's it's a practice that came to me you know 30 years ago I didn't have any other practice but speaking that way to my children and then feeling guilty over it Etc but the only way I know is self-inquiry and so as you know Soren that's what I do you know I I invite people to self-inquiry in the world and it really works for uh you know if a person's mind is open to it it works but you know self-inquiry is a tough thing because you're you're going against as you said earlier that identification and so when I'm the mother that's the child my job is to teach them my job is to be focused on that child and teach them good manners in the world so they'll have a happy life even if even if it hurts me more than them you know and my parents taught me that way and so I'm going to teach you that way and deal with it yeah so we have like a a mass um trance going on a mess a mass Consciousness where we actually are doing war with each other now that's there's something off with that yeah and I I think a lot of people might once you bring it up actually um realize that that there's an element of War that's going on I think um the the challenge becomes um in those moments how do we do the turnaround or how do we how do we begin to shift that because it's the shame that often comes up like oh I said this when I shouldn't have said this and this back and forth between unconsciousness reactivity and then shame and yes and self-inquiry gets us out of that Channel or out of that well it shifts the mind you know every time every time we question an assumption or a judgment that we're believing and we get really quiet in it and you know the work is uh what I'm talking about here is a way to identify and question those judgments and assumptions that are running through my head for example um my child was unconscious he just spilled the milk just unconscious okay so my child was unconscious is it true that's the first question they're only four if there ain't more than that I never could have kept up with so you know is it true so now I'm going to I'm going to just meditate on that moment in time even though it's the next day maybe I'm still feeling guilty it or maybe it was last year it doesn't matter when it arises so let's say it's the next day I'm feeling guilty so I'm just going to visualize that moment in time again he there's he's unconscious is it true and now I can you know I can see that I didn't even see the child at the table when he knocked it over I only saw it after the fact so the answer is no you know can I absolutely know that's true I'm going to check again that he's unconscious you know having to do in the situation where you spill the milk no so now notice I'm going to notice the third question how I react when I believed the thought he's still unconscious he's unconscious okay how do I react when I believe the thought I looked up I saw the milk I looked up I saw his face and his face looks like oh hell here she comes he looks startled and how do I react when I think the thought he he spilled the milk he's unconscious I immediately attacked my child I can see the look on my face I can see I'm startled but not from my child from seeing the glass on the floor and I can continue to meditate on that moment in time do you all see it in your mind's eye how many of you see that situation in your mind's eye would you raise your hands yeah how many of you have been in a similar situation with some you so it's not uncommon that's what I mean by mass hypnosis so who would I be in that situation with my child without the thought he's unconscious there's something wrong with him he's unconscious gosh the milk is beautiful on the floor and I can see the glass and I can see the light hitting it I can actually see drops over here that I missed in this situation even though I saw them I can see that I could calm my child my child looks very upset and nothing happened but he spilled the milk I can support him I can help him we can clean up the milk together [Music] so my child's unconscious he spilled the milk my child's unconscious turned around I'm unconscious okay where in that situation where where was I unconscious you know I just shot from the hip and just went for him I attacked I attacked my own child that's unconscious so if I feel guilt now all of a sudden guilt is not this terrible thing guilt is what brings me back to inquiries so I can determine realize for myself the cause of that guilt the cause of my own suffering because until then the cause of my own suffering was my son right now the cause of my own suffering is my lack of Consciousness right any time that I should feel anger arise or anxiety any kind of anxiety guilt a kind of depression then I've got some work to do and I don't have to do it I can just go on with my life you hear that attitude I can just go on with my life or I can go on with my life you know without without the the depression in in this this consciousness of excitement and curiosity like the Curiosity of a child yeah you know and and and now I'm fit to solve the problems in the world I'm fit to solve big problems like who's going to do the dishes tonight but until I'm really good in this you know until I'm really good in my world I'm not going to be called to do greater things [Music] I'm unqualified obviously if there's if I you know the war with the self the war at home those are the trenches the war going to work the workplace I mean on your way to work are you do you have the Curiosity and excitement of a child even if you're 80. I mean if are you wearing that or are you going oh gosh you know oh God I'm just not another day with him in the office or you know that that attitude anywhere on a scale from one to ten if the if depression is just at a one if ten is the top of the scale thank you we have a right to more freedom is our Birthright and that's what I'm talking about freedom freedom to be in the world without being one of the problem makers and the problem maker is usually unconscious because it's their fault I mean my child spilled the milk that's not on me and that's true for work that's true for presidential candidates that's true for uh all kinds of situations yes the kid is just an example of anything external and and and look who I'm raising you know he could be a politician when he grows up and what's he going to do when someone spills the milk it's not going to be pretty you learned you learned it all from me

Channel: Wisdom 2.0 with Soren Gordhamer

Views: 30,809

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Id: oMO9uRWceNk

Length: 12min 57sec (777 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 21 2023