Daniel: So you're about to go to bed, and you wake up at the sound of glass shattering. Stephen: Aaah, can I murder them first? (Hosuh chuckles) Daniel: So you decide to venture out to the living room, to see what's going on. You walk outside, and you see the most generic-looking Alien that you've ever seen in your life. What do you say to it? Stepeh(smirking): Huh, neat! Hosuh (concerned): Do we call the police? Stephen: No, obviously not! Hosuh: I guess we can, but like, they're not gonna believe us, right? Stephen: I feel like we could call ICE in this case, 'cause this is an illegal alien. (Hosuh in the background: Ice?) Stephen: Everyone laugh or else it's racist! (They all laugh) Daniel: Anyway... this alien looks at your really awkwardly trying to tiptoe out of your apartment. What do you do? What do you say to it? Hosuh: I don't think it's gonna understand, is it? (Stephen in the background: I agree) Stephen: I yell profanities at it. 'Cause if it knows English, it'll know profanities. Alien(Daniel): It goes "Woah, woah, dude, calm down! Dude, no, just-" Alright, no, stop stop. I'm not here to do anything. I was just looking for some food I'm gonna get out of here in five minutes.
(Stephen in the background: Oh) You can forget this ever happened. Dude. Don't even worry about it Stephen: So you guys don't do the butt stuff anymore? (Hosuh laughs) Alien(Daniel): No, man, that's so racially insensitive, dude. Stephen: Oh, okay. I'm sorry. You want just fat here. What do you guys eat? (Alien Daniel in the background: Ahh...) Oh my god, wait! What do you eat? (They all laugh) Hosuh: I hope it's not humans, yeah.
(chuckles nervously) Alien(Daniel): *Continues laughing* Stephen: Wait, okay, answer the question! Alien(Daniel): I mean I like eggs and bacon, I guess I mean, it's kind of late at night. So I kinda want some pizza, you got any? Hosuh: Do you want to cook with me, mister alien? (They all laugh) Cause, you know, I'm actually down for some food right now, and I have some stuff in the fridge. Let's cook. Alien(Daniel): Uuuuh, sure, dude, why not? Daniel: So you talk to the guy and you give it some food You don't know whether you should call the authorities or not. One, you can call the police. Two, you could not do anything and keep this whole thing a secret Three, you kill this thing right now. Hosuh(concerned): The guy, I mean, THEY, is sentient. We can't just murder it or her (Stephen in the background: I don't know) Stephen: I think, I think, I think we should. (Hosuh still contemplating on pronouns in the background) Hosuh I don't think genders MATTER in this situation. I think we should murder it I don't think it's a good idea to contact alien civilizations, cause they'll rape us. Daniel: So you're not gonna call the police right now? Stephen: No, obviously not, cause then he would just leave and then we wouldn't be able to find him. Daniel: Okay, alright So you start a conversation, with the guy you ask him: "Hey, what are you doing here?" He says: "Ah, you know, I mean, normally we don't like coming to Earth for vacation But I'm kind of an exploration kind of type
(Stephen in the background: OH MY GOD), I came here for a tourist visit, no one ever comes here. It's kind of boring here, but I kind of like the peace and quiet of Earth" Hosuh: I think we should just keep it a secret and get to know him a little bit (Stephen: okay) before doing anything. Stephen: Okay, Hosuh. You will date this alien while I kill it- Hosuh: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, I say that as I ummm Take my phone out behind my back and start recording the conversation And it will make a good youtube video, you know! (Daniel laughs) Stephen: "Real Alien Not Fake, Almost Died. Hosuh: Almost Killed It, NOT Clickbait"
(Daniel and Hosuh chuckle) Stephen: Okay. So first off what throws off a huge red flag is the fact that he said Oh, I'm just an exploration guy! Know who else was an exploration guy? Christopher Columbus. Millions of First Nations! I don't think this is a good idea: anytime anyone explores something, they murder the native species so they can move in Daniel: So your choice would be to kill the alien? Stephen: Absolutely! But wait, I have to do with covertly, cause, obviously he has higher tech than us. Wait, is he naked? Is he naked right now? Daniel: He's not wearing nothin. Hosuh: But okay, why is he wearing nothing? Daniel(shrugs): I don't know, he's just not wearing anything, right, I don't know what to tell you man. Stephen: Then I think he might just be a dumb tourist Second point I must add is probably the fact that I don't know where his vital organs are. So I can't just swing randomly or else he'll start attacking me, and I think he can overpower me. So it'd probably be best to befriend the guy right now. I will stick with Hosuh. (Hosuh in the background:Yeah,exactly) Hosuh, you have a good idea Hosuh(whispering): Okay, you can't open up to the guy right now like (Stephen: obviously), stay cautious and get some information Also, tell him can I get some blood sample from you? Alien(Daniel): Sure, man Well, I guess. I mean, why? Hosuh: Because this is my first time seeing an alien. Alein(Daniel): Oh! Right. Yeah, you guys aren't supposed to see me... Hosuh(exasperatedly): WHAT? Stephen: Oh, dicks! Know what? Time's up, grab a knife, stabby stab. Says Stephen who is probably illogical at this point, cause he's actually pretty scared Daniel: okay, okay, Hold your horses. So here's the conundrum with alien encounter. There's only really two choices You either call the authorities and try to capture it or kill it Or, you act like you didn't see anything or let it go. In both cases, it could start something really, really terrible. If you let it go, it might go back to its species and try to conquer Earth itself. On the other hand, if you kill it, then the alien species might try to take revenge on Earth Or use it as a propagandic tool to start something bigger (Stephen: *Sighs* Daniel I swear to God) Hosuh: This is why - this is why we need to be a friend. Hey, this is my buddy Don't go back and tell them to come here and conquer the Earth. Even if you do, can I be your friend? Stephen: Remember that Rick and Morty episode with that alien fart? (Hosuh: Yeah, yeah) We need to kill him right now because his definition of friendship might be annihilation. (Daniel: Yeah) Stephen: quick question. Hey alien- Alien(Daniel): Which by the way, is super racist, I have a name dude. it's Bob! Stephen: Okay, Wow. Hum, okay sure, Bob Uh so how long you gonna be staying here? Daniel: I got like two more days and then I gotta go back to my own planet, man.*continues talking* Stephen(whispering): Oh my god, we need to kill him right now. So yeah!, so wait, uh, (Hosuh: I don't think we should kill him) Do you want anything to your drink? Hosuh: As you take out bleach from the bottom of your sink and then pours it. Here, have a glass of a cool, refreshing, uh, beverage. Alien(Daniel): I don't know man. I'm like, I like Pepsi (Daniel chuckles) Stephen(nervously): Alright (Daniel chuckles) here you go! I didn't think you guys had Pepsi back where you were but okay, yeah. Alien(Daniel): Everybody knows about Pepsi Stephen(even more nervous): Why's that? Alien(Daniel): You think I'm the only one that knows about Earth? (Stephen: Oh my god, we can't kill this guy.) The only reason why no one comes here is because it's boring. Hosuh: What if he's telling the truth, Stephen? What if he doesn't have any ulterior motive, he's just here for vacation. After a long hard day of work, being, I don't know a mechanical engineer- Stephen: Quick question, what do you do at- Alien(Daniel): I don't know man, I just got a desk job at some company that you guys don't know about (Hosuh chuckles) (Stephen: Okay) Hosuh: Are you sure this is an alien, not some guy in a alien suit? Alien(Daniel): Alright. I think it's time for me to go uhh Thanks for the food. I'm gonna get out of here. What do you guys do? Stephen: Call the cops, call the freakin cops right now Wait, but you didn't have any food yet. Alien(Daniel): Huh? No, Hosuh cooked me some food while you were talking about... Stephen: Not murdering you... (They all laugh) Do you guys have sports where you're from? Hosuh, call the fucking cops right now (They all laugh) Alien(Daniel): Aw, dude, I'm so glad you asked me about sports, I loooove sports! Hosuh: What's your favorite sports? Alien(Daniel): Maan, the contact ones are the best! Oh and when they have one ball that twenty people chase around. All right! (Alien(Daniel): Sports, yeaaah!) Stephen: Have you heard this great game called football, here on Earth? It's like, exactly exactly that. (Daniel and Stephen laugh) Alien(Daniel): Oh, dude show me! Stephen: Alright! (Stephen chuckles and Daniel laughs) Hosuh(whispering): So I called the cops- Stephen(whisper-shouting): Call the fucking cops! Hosuh(exasperatedly): I DID! (They all laugh) I had to lie about this guy, I told them that he was a burglar Okay, so just just cause the cops won't come if I tell them it was an alien right? Stephen: Obviously Daniel: here's a knock. (Hosuh: That's okay) Stephen: Well pizza's here! (Hosuh: huh?) Stephen(whispering): Okay cops, so there's some weird guy in our living room. He's, he's obviously guy in a suit Can you help us? Can I - do you have an extra gun or something? I could use? Daniel: No, No they do not *Laughs* Cop(Daniel): Sir move away, please. Stephen: I'll have to use my own gun! Knives are too informal Daniel: Ohh! (Stephen: *Unintelligible sounds wtf Stephen* I'm bringing it back!) So you guys lead the cops into the living room and the alien is gone. Stephen(exasperatedly): Damn it Hosuh! Weren't you supposed to look for him? Hosuh: He just disappeared in front of my face (Stephen: kayyyy) Daniel: The cops leave, and the alien's gone, and in a week, huge spaceships start to come (Stephen: We're dead, we're dead. We're just dead) And conquer Earth! And kill, and annihilate everybody, that you ever loved, and who you ever knew You failed! Stephen: Aah goddamn (Daniel laughing) Hosuh: We should have killed him or we should have befriended him... Stephen: Too troubling. I thought you were watching him, Hosuh, what the heck! Hosuh: I WAS! Like he just disappeared Right in front of my face, what am I supposed to do?? Daniel: Honestly, what would you guys do though like if you guys just saw an alien? I, uh, I don't think I would be able to call the cops I'd honestly just try to converse with it and that'd be the end of it. Stephen: Yeah (Hosuh: Yeah, me too...) I don't know. My first instinct would probably be to touch it (Hosuh:Ohh) Like, ask to touch it Hosuh: You're gonna get viruses all over your body though... Stephen: Maybe, but they wouldn't be able to affect me. You know that right? (Hosuh: Why?) Stephen: Diseases are very specific to a certain species Hosuh: Oh, yeah! Viruses are specific, bacterias are not. Okay, yeah, got it. Stephen: Is bacteria? Cause I know, like - Hosuh: Yeah, bacteria is more versatile. Viruses are very specific. (Stephen: Yeah) (Daniel: uh-huh) Daniel: So interesting. Alright, thank you guys so much for watching! Stephen: Oh my god, Dan, you're just gonna leave it there? Literally Stephen killed the world. Ugh, I didn't want it to end like this Daniel: Well, you know, it was gonna end like this. The Earth is going to end by you destroying it, one way or another... (Stephen chuckles) Daniel: Hi guys, I hope you guys really enjoyed the video. We're finishing up the last touches for this. Uhh you guys will probably see it tomorrow morning, 8am or 10am, whichever. But one thing I wanted to announce before the video ends, was how much we actually raised for the charity for Direct Relief: We ended up raising $5, 570.64 Everyone: WOOH, YAAAYYY!! Daniel: Good job, everyone! Really great work Thanks guys I told my animators to cheer, cause you know, I'm kind of lonely. They're all waiting for me to finish the video In my defense, I think the best type of video is made when everybody works together (Animator: Wow...)(Stephen: Oh my God) Thank you guys so much for buying the merch, and thank you guys so much for donating to the charity I know we're not the biggest YouTube channel, but I also want this channel to be something that we can be proud of And something that we can look back on and be like: "We did something good with something that we were blessed by." So, thanks. Bye bye! (Chorus of 'Bye's')
