Boyfriend's EX-Mistress Told He's The Father & She's Giving Birth On Our Engagement Anniversary

people what's the biggest relationship deal breaker my fiance and i have been together for a while now but we'd recently broken up and during that time i was with this woman who i'll call jane spent some time together always protected for those people who like to assume things when i caught up with a few mates out of town and then my fiance and i got back together and later engaged jane called a little while down the line saying she was pregnant and i was presumably the father not much to say about that and i've pretty much been there as much as i could given us not being in the same city it's been pretty rough to say the least well they're twins two boys it seems and i guess they're also a bit big so she's having a scheduled c-section problem is it's quite insanely on my anniversary with my fiance and furthermore jane wants me to spend the days before and after there now there are a few problems with this first being the fact that paternity isn't confirmed we're only testing at the hospital afterwards so that's not really clear as of yet and the fact that i'd already missed my fiance's first birthday without a mum because jane was overreacting over something small so then she had to spend it all by herself at home this is our fifth anniversary and we've made plans for the day now i know that being a parent is like that but i've tried compromising i said i'd leave that same afternoon to go over basically just having a special breakfast lunch then dipping it'll still be special to me regardless and i'm sure the circumstances would be understandable in future however jane is not having it at all her mum is literally dragging me on her facebook and it's just messy just need more perspectives here am i wrong first of all if you broke up with a woman and then get back together with her you restart your anniversary count second you need to get that paternity test done asap it's a lot easier to add your name to a birth certificate than it is to remove it if those kids aren't yours then there is no point in you going to the hospital anyways if they are yours then the birth of your children comes before your not actually anniversary with another woman everyone is wrong for how they're handling this situation just know if you are the father and you are not there it's something your kids will hear all their lives whether your new fiance likes it or not you will be tied to these kids at least financially presumably maybe emotionally as well are you sure she's ready for that without holding it over your head leaning to you are the idiot here not only that but this day from now on forever will be his kid's birthday opie will have to choose whether he wants to celebrate the birthday of his kids with them or an anniversary with his girlfriend so it sucks but the anniversary day is kind of already screwed forever my girlfriend weighed about 274 pounds at the end of her pregnancy with our daughter and then lost a bunch of weight almost 120 pounds since she's been born she's worked so hard and i'm so proud of her but she's really insecure about loose skin she had a consultation with the surgeon and to remove the skin it's going to be thousands of dollars that she's going to have to pay out of pocket when she told me this i told that i'm not okay with this it's a lot of money and even though we both have a hefty savings i don't think it's smart to drop that much money at once she got a bit frustrated and said that she feels extremely insecure and this is the only thing that will make her feel better about herself and if i'm that worried then she can arrange paying the money back in instalments i told her it's not a good idea financially and that's my final say and if she decides to go through with the surgery then i'm going to be upset now she's angry and has been non-stop crying and i feel pretty bad but i feel like i'm being reasonable she thinks i'm being an idiot you are the idiot loose skin isn't just unattractive it's painful you sound like you're just worried about her leaving you once she has the procedure done and with your attitude you should be he should be worried at this point she doesn't leave him before the procedure you know for someone who will let her spend her own savings you are the idiot so just let me get this straight she carried your daughter worked her butt off to lose 120 freaking pounds and wants to spend her personal money to feel more comfortable in her personal postpartum body but somehow it's your final say and you refuse to permit her to spend her money on her surgery because if an emergency happened she wouldn't have any savings this is genuinely horrifying my heart hurts for this woman imagine working so hard and coming so far only to have your own partner not let you finish the final leg of your race opie you are the idiot and not really a good person i female26 have been with my fiancee for two years his family all have kids and they made it a habit to dump their kids at his apartment so he could watch them it's worth noticing that he works too but his family obviously doesn't care he said he's been doing it for five years and it hasn't changed once we got engaged his brother brings his kids to my fiance's place five days a week and despite me saying no his brother didn't stop then his female cousin brings her two kids over she's divorced and have my fiance watched them the apartment is always a mess we don't go out because of me having to take part in watching the kids he won't even ask them for money last month the kids broke a valuable item that cost me money and i had to get a replacement and that's without mentioning my mental health and this is the reason i'm seriously considering not having kids despite the fact that my fiance loves kids which is nice but i'm seriously hating it seeing how exhausting this has become i asked my fiance if we could go out for a romantic dinner since the kids are around most of the day and we don't get to have quality time and talk about stuff he agreed and told me he will meet me at the restaurant after he gets off work i got dressed and was hoping for some quiet time with a nice meal and enjoy the evening my fiance was 15 minutes late i called him three times but then stopped thinking he was driving and couldn't answer after a while i hear some noise then i saw his three little nieces and the oldest one walking in with my fiance i was stunned i could see his face already saying sorry he sat the kids at our table and said that his brother had an emergency and went to cover a shift he works with law enforcement and his wife nurse was covering 12-hour shift said that he couldn't say no to him because his parents house would take more driving time he apologized and said he would make it up for me but it felt hopeless at this point i was so mad but i didn't want to say anything offensive in front of the kids i so wanted to get up and just leave after he took the kids orders and just kept talking to them all the time the kids started getting louder i had to tell them to quiet down every five minutes i waited till they finished eating and i was so tired of having to babysit his nieces the oldest was so rude and talked about my dress i insisted on going to my mom's house so the kids can sleep at his place he threw a tantrum not wanting me to leave him alone but i ignored him and left he called saying that he had a terrible night having to watch the kids alone and that i shouldn't have left and is calling me ridiculous after i told him to fix this because i was going to stay for a few more days at my mom's house edit to mention that i already made it clear to his brother that we will no longer be watching his kids but he keeps bringing them over and completely ignoring and disrespecting my wishes basically just expecting us to be okay with this like he's the only one who has commitments you are not the idiot and i really think you need to get out of this relationship you don't seem to particularly like kids and your fiance wants to be a 24 7 on-call babysitter that's a major incompatibility it could be worked through if your fiance was willing to compromise and set any boundaries whatsoever with his family but he isn't i mean for god's sake why didn't he just drive the kids to his parents i think the issue of the kids isn't really relevant they're putting opie off the idea of having kids because they're being forced on her all the time and they don't seem particularly well behaved she could end up making that decision for all the wrong reasons the bigger issue is that he's showing no respect for her at all it's all about his wants his family that's an opining out right there in my honest opinion you are not wrong this man has to stop being a stupid doormat to his family and grow a spine also he knows you're not really okay with all this crap and he gets mad when he cancels plans abruptly and wants you to babysit his nephews and nieces yeah no you need to sit him down and establish some boundaries on this relationship you need to tell him to stop giving into his family's demands all the time this man is setting himself on fire to keep his family warm i accidentally logged into my partner's credit report instead of my own my guess is that the password was still autofilled from two years ago from when we moved in together and were printing off our reports for a rental application i was multitasking and press signed in without really looking only to be confused with what i saw wait what this is his oh my god we've had our fair share of money bickers he earns three times what i do but is always strapped for cash he has missed many goals we've mutually set for savings and generally speaking there's a wide disparity in what i pay and i end up covering a considerable amount he's even lied about bills being paid only to find out they weren't until it went to collections it's been hard but it's the only part of our relationship that has genuinely sucked he's my best friend he has 100 credit utilization and is so far in debt and it's only been in the last two years he spent this tens of thousands of dollars on what the report shows he stopped paying his credit cards in april while we keep our finances separate i always thought we were a team in our goals and now i feel really stupid to be honest i don't want to persecute him but i do need to know what to do here i love him and he's created such a huge mess he'll be home soon all i can think about is what he has spent it on why he is hiding it from me how do i bring this up edit i make roughly 3200 a month after tax and he brings in roughly 9800 a month the bills he's left unpaid are mostly utility-based i have since started paying all of the utilities all of the groceries and 50 percent of the rent i feel stupid i was trying to be supportive he has been struggling to keep up and any offer of setting up a budget has always been an argument he never let me go over money with him and consistently fail to meet any sort of saving goals eg i saved ten thousand last year and he saved forty dollars we're not married just living together for the last two years we spoke tonight and i gave him an opportunity to own up to it and he didn't take it i had to confront him he said he spent the money away on stupid crap and wasn't willing to go further into detail i'm taking the night to really think about this edit two i kept asking him what he spent it on i did some quick math and given his expenses plus a generous amount for spending money in addition to the 30 000 in a period of 15 months he spent over 78 000 that can't be accounted for he's defensive insisted it was nothing nefarious only stupidity i'm beginning to wonder if he's always been this way and just expertly hid it i told him if he doesn't hand over his credit cards and be completely transparent allow me to manage his money for a bit i'll take that as a sign that he's not willing to do whatever it takes i can't afford this place on my own i can't stop thinking about how over the last one to two years i felt like he never bought me flowers or even dinner and i never said anything because i didn't want to be the needy annoying girlfriend i bought my own flowers paid for the takeaway he pushed me to be okay with it by just never participating what has he been spending it on i'll update tonight i wouldn't worry about beating around the bush i would just tell him what you discovered it's going to be crappy either way might as well just bite the bullet you should give him space to tell you the truth but i imagine he will just continue the lies huge red flag this is something that he shouldn't be hiding something this major i was with my ex for over a decade he filed bankruptcy and never told me he only told me because the next day was his court date to get his debts discharged i felt so betrayed i left i 24 female just recently moved my boyfriend 28 of five months into my apartment things have been smooth sailing until i got my period three days ago i usually use tampons and throw them away wrapped in toilet paper in the trash can with a lid the other day my boyfriend barged into my office space yelling about how i was disgusting and how he shouldn't have to see that stuff well i was in a zoom class luckily muted thank god i got furious that he was having such an over-the-top reaction in my opinion and asked what he would like me to do with them instead he said that he literally almost threw up because he could see the blood soaked through the toilet paper and he would prefer i throw them out in the trash bin outside since we had that talk he goes in the bathroom after me every time and tells me if i've used enough to cover them up well i've been getting annoyed and said he's being a creep by checking the trash can after me and if it's such a big deal he should get his own trash can this upset him but he said he would stop checking except he didn't he just stopped reporting it back to me so here's where i might be the idiot today i just threw my tampons into the trash without any toilet paper but underneath some other trash that was already in there when he got up at around 11am he legit screamed and called me cruel for forcing him to look at that i told him that he wouldn't have had to look if he wasn't inspecting the trash he teared up and said he wasn't used to living with a woman because he never has before his mom passed when he was very young i told him well maybe you aren't ready to live with a woman then he got quiet and said he was going to go walk to clear his head that was a couple of hours ago and he's ignored all my calls and texts except to say that i'm not being empathetic to his feelings i want to be understanding and really thought separate trash cans would be a good solution but he was making me uncomfortable about a very natural part of my body and i don't want to go through this with him every month his friend texted me telling i'm being gross and a witch should i apologize or is he being dramatic you are not wrong honey if this man is uncomfortable around women's natural bodily functions then he definitely isn't ready to live with a woman what would happen if you started your period during some intimacy would he gag and still call you gross time to rethink if he's even mature enough to be in a relationship exactly the thing that bothers me as well is that he told his friends and shared all their business with them i'd be equally annoyed about that because what happens in our relationship stays in our relationship you don't have to have your friends attack me because you're all a bunch of immature men he doesn't sound ready to be in an adult relationship and she should rethink having him be there you're not wrong i'm a guy this dude sounds pretty manipulative i don't care if your mom died women get periods and it doesn't take a saint to be understanding of the fact that blood is involved and that as the guy in a relationship you're gonna see it this dude was seriously looking through the trash to make sure you were wrapping your products up then got all sulky when you stood up for yourself if he doesn't apologize for being manipulative and come to some understanding that you need to dispose of your products like any normal person does you should tell him to beat it god i'm grateful i don't have to go through a monthly cycle as a man and carry pads in my car in case of a friend's emergency and don't get squeamish if i see a family member's product in the trash it's life get over it and have some compassion you know update he told me he doesn't want to lose me and that he would like to try separate trash cans he told me that he's not sure why but just the thought that he could be in the trash uncovered skeeves him out but he could have tried more to get used to it he told me he loves me and this living with a woman is all new to him i told him that he's not just living with a woman he's living with me someone he's supposed to love i told him that he embarrassed me and disrespected me bringing all his friends into this private matter and i don't know if that's something i can forgive easily i showed him what his friend texted me and asked if he agrees with this sentiment he said of course not baby i'm so so so sorry he said that to you i told him he's got some stuff to work through and i'm not sure if we were gonna work out if he's gonna blow up like this for our first problem which in my opinion is small he started sobbing asking me not to leave him telling me how much he loves me asking me to forgive him i asked for some time to think and if he can get a friend to pick him up he does not have a car and then went off to my office space to get some space he was outside the door knocking and asking me how i could just walk away from him when he was crying like this i told him that all of this was overwhelming and i would talk to him when we were both calm and had time to think he just left with a friend not the one who texted me thank goodness and i'm not sure what to do i definitely don't feel like the idiot but i feel bad for making him cry i fully believe that men should feel comfortable showing their emotions but his reactions have been such a turn off and i'm not sure i see a future for us my sister 19 has always wanted to dye her hair funky colors however her parents would never let us dye her hair now that she's relatively grown she asked me female23 to bleach and diet bubblegum pink and turquoise here's the tricky part she was talking with her boyfriend about how excited she was to try something new based on the screenshot she sent me she does this because she often feels like she's overreacting he told her he would no longer be attracted to her if she goes through with this and that he doesn't understand why she's upset with him about it she respects his right to have and voices opinion but tells him that this is something that she's wanted to do for a long time personally i think this is a really weird hill for him to die on and i think this is a bit of a red flag she is coming to my house today to start the process her boyfriend has now told her that he doesn't want her to go to my house i asked if she still wanted to go ahead she told me yes here's the part where i might be the idiot we're gonna go ahead and do it anyway i figure she's only young once and ought to try something new before she starts working for places that don't allow for unnatural hair color so would i be the idiot you won't be the idiot and man does he sound controlling he won't be attracted to her is he insinuating that he will leave the relationship if she doesn't comply to the standard he wants and then on top of it essentially forbidding her from seeing her own sister because you can and are agreeing to dye her hair forget back peddling these are red flags for controlling behavior and i would seriously push my sister to get couples counselling if not a full breakup from this guy i would hate if my esso full-on told me he would not want to be with me over a temporary change [Music]

Channel: XO

Views: 93,988

Rating: 4.9058003 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit girl, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit engagement, reddit relationship, relationship advice, reddit relationship advice, reddit aita, reddit paternity, reddit paternity test, reddit he's the father, reddit baby daddy, reddit cheat, reddit boyfriend cheat, reddit mistress, reddit mistress baby, reddit side chick pregnant

Id: vFj2esQMNYk

Length: 19min 6sec (1146 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 07 2020