Bloody Birthday (1981) KILL COUNT

[Music] welcome to the killcount where we tally up the victims in all our favorite horror movies I'm James a Chinese and today is my birthday mofo I'm diving deeper into the 30s with that three one son in honor of this special day I'm gonna be looking at a special movie bloody birthday which came out in 1981 I have a fondness for a certain type of horror movie ones that are naturally schlocky sincerely shoddy and unceasingly interesting I'm talking about gemstones like sleepaway camp which is a fever dream of bizarre line deliveries ice cream man where a kid runs around with a pillow under his shirt for most of the movie anybody wanna bite and blood rage which is both unexpectedly violent and a depiction of the strangest human behavior you've ever seen one of my biggest fears is that there are no more movies like those out there for me to see so boy was i relieved when I discovered bloody birthday bunny birthday is a no budget killer Kid movie directed by Edie hunt who had previously made some softcore porn and an alien documentary and who would go on to write in direct let's see here 8 1996 windows cd-rom game called the Jungle Book the New Adventures of Mowgli that's right Lottie says the entire jungle is counting onion what the director liked that bloody birthday could easily just be your run-of-the-mill slasher with a bunch of kills and gratuitous nudity and it is but it's also got heart dammit since the killer kids are played by some killer kid actors sure it may not have the most graphic murders or the most interesting plot but this movie does have Curtis and that's good enough for me so join me as I blow out the candles and unwrap the kills and bloody birthday [Music] the movie begins during the great California leaf gale of 1970 lost a lot of good leaves that day we did there's a solar eclipse taking place which even this hospital doctor stares that without protective eyewear but maybe he'll be fine this seems less like an actual eclipse that they film and more like a bunch of pictures from a science textbook dissolving to one another as the Eclipse takes place three separate women give birth though we only hear about it and voice over dialogue birthing scenes are just too big budget I guess a week shy of a decade later a couple of horny teenagers named Annie Smith and Duke Benson are making out hard against the tombstone in a cemetery the only sexier place then against a cold gravestone is inside a freshly dug grave so these teens continue their cemetery sexytime six feet under until dirt starts getting shoveled onto them and the guy gets a shovel to the freights twice actually Andy gets a jump rope around her neck choking her out and when Duke tries to save her he gets a couple more shovel slacks they're buried underground maybe while still alive along with the jump ropes handle that the assailants never saw break off the next day a cop comes to the elementary school since everyone knows that's the best place to find murder suspects and to mold obedient citizens the job of the police is to protect people and help them in fair trouble now I know that little bastard looks like a full-on narc but trust me when I tell you please that Curtis is a stone-cold Jean don't fuck with Curtis I mean it Oh kid you fucked with Curnutt big mistakes we've actually seen her toises kid actor Billy Jane on the kill count before little man was Brett Kamber the kid who owned Cujo Curtis is one of the three kids who were born under that Eclipse another is Debbie this human porcelain doll who's the daughter of the cop up there whose name is sheriff Brody yeah really oh and the third kid is Steven but he's not nearly as cool as the other to step it up Steven they all get anxious when they see Debbie's dad has their jump rope handle and they stay after class together to talk to their teacher miss Davis played by Susan Rosberg daughter of Lee Strasburg sometimes known as the father of method acting in America what the hell is she doing in this movie the kids asked miss Davis if the class can be excused from homework next Monday on account of it's their birthday but I guess they didn't ask with enough sincere emotional expression just because you all have the same birthday doesn't mean that you're special oh we special all right lady special crazy they're also special pervy with Debbie hosting peep shows for the boys only a quarter now y'all she lets them stare through a hole in her closet and her sister Beverly played by Julie Brown who would go on to write produce and star and earth girls are easy where she also sang a song from her EP goddess in progress called Kazama blah [Music] Julie Brown was a pretty successful comedian in the eighties which is why it's so weird to see her here in a role that mostly consists of this very extended strip sequence yeah Wow it goes on for so damn long that Curtis has to put more money in the meter looks like the investment paid off for then the red meets up with her friend Joyce so the two of them can walk around looking like they in the OG Halloween their stops by Sheriff Brody who tells them to follow a curfew earning him some mockery from his daughter that dates this movie hard won more than twenty years maybe Oh jack sheriff Brody continues on home where his other daughter Debbie is jumping rope but that's not all she's doing she's also straight-up plotting don't fall for a man little girl's got a skateboard on the oh never mind you good he says that Debbie's jump rope is missing a handle and as she distracts him with an evil smile Stephen jumps out and bashes him with a baseball bat I think you're gonna need a bigger bat kid Oh nope never mind you did shit maybe I shouldn't have undersold Stephen dudes obviously the muscle of the groom still Curtis is the brains who directs them to position the body by the stairs for their cover up Debbie yells that her daddy fell and all in all this would be the perfect traumatizing crime if not for a witness in the form of Joyce's kid brother Timmy who randomly saw it happen watch our back now Tim there's a funeral for sheriff Brody with all the kids in town and as her dad is lowered into the ground Debbie silently plots with her fellow Eclipse kids to take care of Timmy the witness to their crime their plan involves a game of junkyard hide-and-seek and Kurtis acting like the ruthless some a bitch he is don't copy our hiding place well shoot [Music] using the tried-and-true again bok-bok-bok technique Kurtis convinces Timmy to get into an old ice box then promptly locks the kid inside surely triggering many a parental fear with that mission accomplished there's only one thing for Kurtis to do in a moment like this strut no Steven what's up my man Timmy gross sweaty and desperate in the ice box which is probably starting to seem worse than that haunted house his parents bought in Amityville eventually he's able to unscrew a metal slab and use it to unlock the door from the inside using the strength given to him by that Mickey Mouse watch Timmy finally succeeds and earns a triumphant fanfare for his escape [Music] that time the music was actually in the movie that wasn't me as they make a scrapbook of their murder victims the Eclipse triplets and clip slits mock their teacher miss Davis whose full name is Viola Davis yeah really the next day Kurtis walks into the school kitchen packing and miss Davis pays for thinking it's just a prop gun when Curtis shows her he ain't playing he shoots her in cold blood and the teacher collapses onto some sponges that kind of looked like blocks of cheese yeah let's clean up this murder scene nice and Gouda with those cheeses squeegees kids while walking home from school that day timmy is invited into Debbie's tree house could we get a parent out here turns out Debbie didn't have any medical plans in mind though she was thinking more along the lines of mail dad but a ringing foam warts her plans and Timmy pieces out none the wiser better luck next time in little monsters a forged know purportedly by her brother Timmy lures Joyce out to the junkyard where she spied upon by a junk car driving giggity there goes this ghost needs a hand to get the car going but together Curtis and Steven are able to drive around trying to run over Joyce it's the best junkyard horror scene since some dog piss brought Freddy Krueger back from the dead although it does sound like Lori Weston and also maybe the kid actors had to do their own stunts for there was a car and there was really no child safety anything it was low-budget it was different back then well I'm glad they ended up okay Curtis is nearly able to masterminded Lee kill Joyce without even being behind the wheel but instead she dodges at the last minute and sends this actual car driving over this actual wedge holy shit that was awesome no seriously that was one kick-ass action scene especially for a movie with no budget I loved it that night Curtis plays Dirty Harry in the mirror and even does a half decent gun twirl before sneaking out his window and going to shoot some kids he sported during his first attempt so he sleeps through the streets in his jumpsuit and tries a second time at the window of Joyce and Timmy's house this attempt to was caught dressed and the poor kid has to walk out of the bushes and move to plan C which is apparently to shoot some teens looking to fuck around in the back of a shaggin wagon now I should probably mention that during this whole movie there's an astrology thing going on but even though it's a persistent theme I don't think most of the scenes are important just know that it serves as some kind of explanation for the Eclipse looks and why they're so deranged because there was an eclipse the day she was born but the Sun and the moon were blocking Saturn so there should be something missing from her personality why because Saturn controls our emotions in the way that you treat people cool back to Kurt the floor he climbs all up onto that van hood and pierced through the windshield payday once again uncomfortably lengthy lovemaking scene that guy just put her boob in his mouth fuck Adam Seth was this eventually Curtis knocks on the ban and murders both the teens when they open the door the naked dude gets a bullet to the head and the naked lady gets shot twice off-screen its mother fucking birthday time which means Curtis is entitled to some cake mmm nice please now blow out the candles you three damnit Steven get in there man step it up Steven this party has everything presents for the birthday kid cake you can eat off of Mighty Mouse plates a juggling clown who can't say no the party's even attended by the guy who delivered these kids that Eclipse stare a doctor who's played by Jose Ferrer in an even more what the hell's he doing here roll so there was the first Hispanic actor to ever win an Oscar for his role in 1950s jurado de Bergerac three decades later he's doing this in a big brain evil mastermind move curtis goes inside and decorates the desserts with extra frosting getting joyce to believe that he's poisoned all the cakes what did you do this results in a cereal cake bashing and a claim that Curtis is a confectionary stabber to the adults are skeptical towards Joyce though and to prove his innocence Kurt's all like what this frosting right here mmm no poisonous speak up it's just sinfully high in calories Joyce's accusation leaves looking kinda crazy meaning curtis has successfully gas-lit her a little bastard while looking for some missing nail polish beverly brody finds her sister's little psycho diary with pictures of the movies for victims so far hey Debbie you've got to work on your denial skills little lady beverly burns that book like an offended PTA member causing debbie to call for reinforcements come on over right away and bring Stephen yeah but do you really need Stephen I guess not cuz Debbie takes things into her own hands and uses a bow and arrow to lure Beverly up close to the peephole between their rooms when Bev's fully peeping through that whole Debbie lets loose and kills her sister with an arrow to the eye you know you've got to appreciate how neat and tidy these little murderers are can't be that bad and the kid who does their chores Debbie's cleaning accomplices arrived to help her take care of the latest mess they leave Beth's body out by the trash and after Debbie tells her mom that the bloodstains are just nail-polish why she's all queered forehead smooches what eventually beb's found and another funeral is held and the emotional damage to mrs. Brody Lancer at Meadowvale General for a while that means the kids are home alone at Debbie's house when that kid who talks shit to Curtis in class earlier starts throwing rocks at her windows or some shit the Eclipse let's run out to chase him down the streets of Glendale and it's actually a pretty solid J scene as far as chase scene starring nine-year-old self he helped Curtis oh you look so flies you wrong man the evil kids catch up to and try to strangle the other kid with a garden hose and even though joy spines and reprimands them Curtis has already got this base covered go ahead and call the sheriff after what you do that birthday party No thank you crazy the kids return to their tree house and paste Joyce their next intended victim into their scrapbook and even though Joyce's standing in the garage sharpening a pair of scissors she apparently doesn't suspect anything when Debbie comes by and asks her to babysit her that night keep them scissors close girl Joyce leaves the scissors behind when she and Timmy go to Debbie's house that night with Tim fast asleep and Joyce's hearing blocked out by those ear cams they don't notice when Debbie what's in her bloody birthday bro take up the phone mine and take aim with that handgun but Timmy wakes up and cries out saving his sister's life we then get jump rope strangling little girl base target practice and Fire poker javelins all while Goldeneye sound effects play Kurtis and Debbie continue trying to shoot at and strangle their foes but Joyce and Timmy managed to escape into a bedroom and fortify the door behind them when that little wiener Steven muscles his way through they just splash him with a fishbowl and stuff the kid into a locker god dammit Steven get it together man Kurtis finally corners them in the living room but after a dozen or so shots his revolvers finally out of ammo meaning it's time for a boy fight hold the baby buster Shore Joyce and Timmy fucking hogtied Curtis as Debbie sneaks out the patio door she intercepts her mom on the way home from the hospital and blames Curtis and Steven for everything that just happened mrs. Brodie sees the police arrive and frosting her daughter's innocence drop we turns around and drive straight out of town that means only Curtis and Steven get arrested for their crimes but let me tell you something fam I've been Curtis is gonna be just fine doing time the movie ends with Debbie and her mom on the lam travelling under aliases and trying to keep their noses clean now on I'm gonna be your good little girl oh that's nice you know what I really think I can trust you on that one Debbie after all hey wait a minute what's this dead body back here god damn it Debbie can you please just go one day without murdering someone one day how many candles got blown out and bloody birthday let's find out and get to the numbers from me how I shouldn't have [Music] eight people died in bloody birthday and with four male victims and four female victims everyone got an equal slice of this birthday cake charge I can call the k-chart it's my birthday fuck off with the runtime of 85 minutes that left us with a kill on average every 10.6 three minutes I'll give the golden chainsaw four coolest kill to Beverly Brodie none of these deaths were all that graphic so I think I've got to go with the arrow in the eye - almost ready for lamest kill we'll go to the naked lady in the van who was shot to death off screen and that's it bloody birthday came out in 1981 eight years before yours truly popped out into this world on Friday is sinister - but until then I'm James age knees this has been the kill count thanks a lot for watching my extra birthday kill cap I want to thank some patrons like Don doofy Mia Zack Phelps Tanya you nearest Martinez Michael Dawson and Kelsey Morgan since it's my birthday I guess I'll do my annual ask for you to follow me on social media at dead meet James on Twitter and Instagram do it more followers will give me I don't know maybe you want those fucking check marks finally that'd be a nice birthday present Twitter thanks everyone be good people

Channel: Dead Meat

Views: 8,574,297

Keywords: horror, dead meat, movies, scary, films, kills, kill count, body count, james a. janisse, jaj, pine commander boogie, birthday, bloody birthday, happy birthday, slasher, 80s, cheesy, eclipse, triplets, julie brown, susan strasberg, jose ferrer, lori lethin, bert kramer, kc martel, billy jayne, ed hunt, DMKC, bloody birthday movie, bloody birthday review, bloody birthday 1981 review

Id: Eu46puWv7ts

Length: 17min 0sec (1020 seconds)

Published: Wed May 06 2020