BLASPHEMOUS ► 10 Enemies That P-ss Me Off!

today's video was sponsored by the iron spider the all-time 15 century classic medieval means of torture commonly used on sinners blasphemers and young women who were accused of witchcraft the iron spider champion of the Dark Ages repent now or will rip your balls off everyone's favorite sinner rusty here to do another one of these types of videos because apparently you guys seem to like them so why the hell not blasphemous is a game about sin and rapture and how your hometown did it make the cut because they didn't do enough Hail Marys before bed absolve yourself of wrongdoing and repent before youtube's mighty censorship policies that I keep pretending I'm above because I still keep putting profanity in the beginnings of all my videos that's that although I could probably make this list a lot longer if I wanted to here's 10 enemies that piss me off in blasphemous let's let's do the thing [Music] what is this Danny Phantom [ __ ] I see before my very eyes you can't just phase through walls like that that's illegal don't act like you're better than everyone else because you get to disobey physics and I don't not only are they completely unaffected by the physics of their environment but they can straight up just pursue you to the ends of the planet if they so choose and usually that's that's exactly what they choose to do your only means of escape is finding another screen to transition to but if you decide to fight it then you're really going to have to be patient and play around what it wants to do and what it wants to do is glide behind walls around the peripherals of the screen for 15 seconds sticking its ethereal tongue out at you until you get bored and turn your back to it as it consequently Rams your [ __ ] the winning technique with these guys seems to be baiting out their charges and then attacking them from there and they wouldn't nearly be as annoying as they were if they didn't hover around for the length of a feature film before deciding to attack you so you're just standing there still focusing on whatever it's doing completely oblivious to the gerbil immediately to your right about to nibble your ankles off if you can find a way to not fight them you're better off just doing that okay you do not have the right to be as annoying as you are how can someone be vertically cut in half from the mouth down and still be talking this much [ __ ] I don't care how many walls you throw that lopsided windmill into that's still not gonna stop me from whacking it back in your face and then shish-kabob in you with my Jesus sword I have fought demonic deities and metaphysical and carnations of death and sin itself so I'm not about to be boomeranged to death by something that looks like it goes great with barbecue sauce it's not even the enemy itself that's annoying but much more where it decides to place itself in certain levels probably the best example of this is the elevator in yonder where the level is geometrically engineered in massive favor of the martyrs the worst thing you could ever do is give these guys a good angle of sight on you anything that isn't directly above or below them they will try to attack and that window just does it does stupid damage like it just does way more than it needs to the librarians in the library of the negated words have all the antics and annoyances of the martyrs all with the added bonus of not even making [ __ ] sense the books come back as if physics doesn't already make enough exceptions against you like how the hell does that even work maybe the books are made of metal and they're actually just being magnetized to this big-ass traffic cone on my head I'll explain why they're doing so much goddamn damage like [ __ ] dude how does a single book even take away this much health to begin with and you stagger back just so far like they have the knock back of getting kicked by a horse like how heavy are these things anyway what is this a library of college textbooks librarians have the same annoyance of the martyrs and so far as most of what makes them so insufferable is not how hard they are to fight but instead where you're fighting them you could just be going up an elevator or something and as soon as you get to where you're going the door is open and there's just it's just a dude he's just some dick waiting to beat you over the head with this calculus textbook what's your deal sister visit sister that is with the strength of 10 men and then some Sheik and heave giant bronze urns over her head and flatten you into brimstone before you even have the chance to say what the [ __ ] was that the village sisters are found inclusive li in the convent area where you fight the lady of our charred village and let me just let me just go on record saying here that just about everything in this area is enough to get under my skin by itself but I don't know there's something unique about the visages sisters we're getting hit by this giant goddamn earned their packing around feels like the most demoralizing thing that could ever happen to you their normal walking pace tops out at around the blinding speed of a dead sloth so actually taking a hit from one of these sisters is really no one else's fault but your own you could just accidentally walk into it and end up taking the same amount of damage that you normally would if she were swinging it at you full force because fun fact if you read the enemy description the urn she's carrying actually has boiling oil and the dead body inside of it which you know that's essentially layman's terms for don't [ __ ] touch this oh no these mother [ __ ] I'm already tired of looking at you these aren't even hard to kill at all but now I have to go the entire rest of my life knowing these things exist your face looks like someone's lit it on fire and tried to put it out with a steamroller how seriously would you expect to be taken if you showed up for work everyday wearing a ficus on your [ __ ] head you wouldn't last a lunch it's not like you're out here doing zigzags are flying in some incomprehensible pattern or something you're just flying in a circle so why is it so goddamn hard for me to hit you it seems like whenever you're the one hitting me you just wait until I'm at the very top of a ladder or something begging to be staggered and then just send the fireball up my ass and knock me all the way back down to where I was like I can't even imagine actually getting killed by one of these things because they're flying patterns are as predictable as a morning sunrise I'm gonna write into like five more of you on the next screen over so it's not like this is your last chance or anything so can you you just leave me alone for a bit and you just leave me to my climbing expedition without shooting me down every 30 seconds you Golden Snitch looking piece of [ __ ] you know what I'm not even gonna front like I have the education level required to pronounce the name of whatever the hell this thing is so for the remainder of the section I'm just going to call it the flaming ass chariot the flaming ass chariot aka the FAC likes three things flames asses and shooting flames at your ass and the most predictable bounce pattern of projectile whatever dare to have so how the [ __ ] do I keep getting hit by it the flaming ass chariot is slow as hell but it crawls around just enough to make it to we're landing full combos is a massive inconvenience so your only options here are to either exercise a bit of patience hit it reposition hit it reposition wash rinse I hate my life just do what I just did and just skate right into the face of that [ __ ] sore to gape with no concern for the contact damage and you will take contact damage by doing that but it makes the flaming ass chariot go down only that much quicker and that certainly won't do anything to change the fact that I will continue to address these creatures as a flaming ass chariots and now so will you Oh golly gee what a pocketful of [ __ ] sunshine these guys are these dudes just don't make sense there's no way someone can be that acrobatic somersaulting around with a giant bronze cow on their head the brazen bull is actually the name of a medieval torture device funnily enough it's a casket made entirely of cast bronze that when heated up roasts alive whoever is inside of it that's pretty nifty it's a that's a nice fun fact yeah so what in the goddamn hell does this have to do with dudes with cow hats running around in their underwear throwing spears at me and yeah by the way I don't know what this clump of pixels here is supposed to be either it could be either a loincloth or it could be the aftermath of a seppuku I don't really know okay use your imagination the greatest sin these creatures can possibly commit is reminding you that they exist you're never actually looking for this enemy you're always preoccupied with something more important like killing a bigger enemy or standing still or grabbing a coffee or literally nothing the [ __ ] else the dirt divers exist for the sole reason of just making sure you're playing through the game at optimal levels of paranoia the enemy stays burrowed beneath dirt and its attack is signaled by the faint rustling sound of dirt as you could only possibly ever hear with nothing else on your screen and your in-game volume high enough to turn your headphones into a nuclear power source they attack by finding the location of the player and then sprouting upwards while aggressively showing the player their pubes before diving straight back down to repeat the process and although someone out there might be impressed by your uncannily well-groomed pubic hair I most certainly am NOT so I would be more impressed if you found it in you one day to swipe the sword from my hand and stick yourself with it so I don't have to Bella dues I'd rather you don't you wish your vertical jumps were this solid and screw guarding the convent over yonder you guys should be competing in the goddamn Olympics look at this you've got the verticals of a basketball player and that arm you've got would serve you pretty well in a discus throw what I'm trying to say is I want you to leave me the [ __ ] alone okay go somewhere else you're annoying and I hate you and I'm gonna continue to hate you no matter how many empty gin bottles you throw in my face and how are you even this accurate like Jesus Christ there's not a zig zag in the world that's gonna save you from getting pelted by this man if he wants to hit you he's just going to hit you like that's just it I've seen professional Call of Duty streamers that don't have tracking this good so why are you wasting all that talent on trying to kill me I'm just I'm just a dude you think this [ __ ] is a game sir I have a sword I will kill you your only line of defense is throwing bottles at me how the [ __ ] do you even think this is gonna turn out oh my god yep you're they uh here they are this is uh this is what you came for the game calls them hoppers but if I were to go completely unhinged for the sake of addressing them as what I think they should be called I'm pretty sure I'd be up for jail time in like nineteen countries holy Jesus Mary and Joseph of all the unforgiveable crap I've seen come from the sick and twisted minds of Hell itself I'd like to find whoever concept of these bastards and grab them by the shoulders and beg them to tell me what tragic unfortunate fate they've met with to think it justifiable to bring the hopper into existence [ __ ] these pricks [ __ ] them against the hardest of surfaces and across the roughest of carpets for all eternity and beyond how can a person be so cruel the time it must have taken to carefully measure out the perfect distance in height to make the most infuriating pattern of enemy movement I've ever had to deal with there is a person that walks this earth today a person that exists and breathes the same air and uses the same resources as you and I this person probably laughs himself to sleep on the back of the knowledge that he created a nuisance so massively inconvenient holy [ __ ] I can't believe you've done this you need Jesus in your life actually scratch that you know why there's no amount of repentance for tithing you're even capable of to make up for this mess you've created honestly it's in your best interest to pray that God isn't real because if he is and he finds out you created these things and your foot mm-hmm yeah did you guys see that I was pretty cool wasn't it yeah I didn't make that and that's something for my other channel well that's ten enemies not nine not 13 but 10 just like the Ten Commandments 10 is a great number and all but I mean I I don't know I personally like the number 12 better you know I think it's I think it's more useful it's just just the top 12 list doesn't really have the same ring to it it's not as it's not as marketable you know I don't know why I'm acting like you give a [ __ ] videos over leave I'm done [Music] you

Channel: Rusty.

Views: 74,435

Keywords: blasphemous all enemies, hollow knight enemies, dark souls enemies, 2d dark souls, blasphemous lore explained, blasphemous all endings, blasphemous review, blasphemous ign, blasphemous story explained, blasphemous speedrun, blasphemous longplay, all bosses ranked, bloodborne enemies, no damage, first 17 minutes, family-friendly

Id: 0Gj6YxLzmFA

Length: 12min 5sec (725 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 02 2019