Billy Connolly - Two Scottish Stand Up Comedians Walk Into A Talkshow - 4.5/5 Visits In Chron. Order

[Music] [Applause] welcome back club / naughty little donkus bye first guest this evening is a very fine actor and my favorite comedian in the whole wide world he plays a squirrel in the new film open season which is in theaters on Friday take a look at this clip doesn't Billy Connolly everybody you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] ah-ah-ah Sir William what have you done what your America talks with the people look you know it is bad in Spain what would your mother think of you know you bad boy well she was fine until I lost the Emmy to Barry Manilow and now she's going on funny on Maverick my older too you know he doesn't write the songs you write it doesn't right all right all right in July July I am you know I got to see I was I went at the Emmys and I looked at it and went body mind a little before they announced these awards he came out and did a song and dance and I thought well come on you know I got a government know why I think they would loser doing that you know he came out let do a bit of a jig you got a chance going on II's pretty good and that was the night before his hip operation you know he's sensational two weeks ago two weeks ago I was at Toronto Film Festival with another movie Fido I make many many fun new many films you're the and I had to go down to that carpet but they put me three feet behind samuel l.jackson know I didn't know how it felt to be invisible before yeah you know he's people like him did you like did you see the snakes on a plane no I didn't know I know that I can work no you're going to be hearing a bit more oh no no I got your slinky boot for that is that snake yeah Python wow did you just always make it be a good old Monty my favorite I gotta be a volunteer the lake cowboy but so was so incidentally yet but I just didn't know thanks very much I was talking to you I'm so impressed I'm deeply deeply impressed why I was talking to the guy before I came on this one of the guys that works in here yeah the research fellow right okay okay and he said you have a tattoo and I see a city of a few on your hands I have a banjo and I told them about it as a friend I made Carol Adams and he said my habit oh yeah does a banjo right there in your hand coming here what does a banjo if the kind of tattoo you should really get on your knee you know we're all ordered find you on my knee can call Evangeline I guess look you didn't as comedy games Diana hay in it but yeah but what is here this is so impressive I told him he said ygg Anna but like people always think there's a reason for tattoos right sometimes it isn't but it is where this one devil was a friend of mine a guy he's dead no and he he was a banjo player and uncreate guy and he was everything I always wanted to be right Lake hobo travelin keep your expectations low thank you won't be disappointed no one was a child I wanted to be attract right and I finds it a hobo was like I loved Hank Williams and he had this character of cold look the drifter wander meant to the sunset he's guitar that's what I want to do you know right I mean those guys in my class wanted to be priests and stuff so it's it was gonna normal fear hole yeah so but when he was down on his luck I invited them to Scotland and to put him on a concerts in Glasgow and I give him some door and put him in the Hilton and get my great time you know but before he arrives and lipped out and got the same tattoos him or hear that doctor is he an exact same one and I'm at the airport money in did you know ficus car with a [ __ ] what Thanks no no did you move back to Scotland of you number no you've not where do you learn or moved over here well we argue then molta molta okay why and so we it's a we island of Malta called guzzle guzzle and let's see as kind of Agriculture is quite a silver boat play my banjo lead books smoke cigars cigars uses yeah wouldn't call the clean my granny no I don't understand that that means an explosion I had when I worked on the clade that means a I would I wouldn't see anyone above me I'm us right I was happening I'm that happy is all I love never gonna get weaned granny - did you not like Elly oh I like to find but my wife bought a big yacht Mundy I'd three hoses and she bought this huge future but you okay no midlife desperate cry for help thing and sealed off a 118-foot you're thrown into the Pacific while she waits to rates books and makes television shows and all that so I really couldn't bear the weight of the whole exercise the three hoses and the big yacht so I sold one of the house I must be hell I'm going to take a break we'll be right back we'll be right back with Bella corner [Applause] everybody I'm here with Billy Connolly the public's but you play a zombie in a film guy who best me again one more tiny my way yeah is weird because he the guy but man and he said there's no dialogue and we're going to cut all your hair off on us and so why don't you get somebody cheaper I don't know if you still get three houses in the booth of your chicken houses and a fleet of boats I've got my own I gotta finish my story or whatever I don't have well I arrived jeanja day and I got your novel as a pleasant out I am yeah which I started this percent feels good I used to fish in the canal all right yeah doesn't it gives me a postcard say that with dental items on it my hero and hobo power that I would you think do you think is bloody impressive and we're very impressive people here I was one of things that I didn't like yo it was first petal yeah that's nothing boy that's fantastic it ain't to me we had dinner after the gig you know what he wasn't very well and everything and he said I said how you feelin taro big boy heart naw and he said did you know he'll tattoos and heissen and I said how you feeling after the gig you said you know bill he said I'm 82 know I've get everything I ever asked for dammit forgot to ask for money that's kind of nice go Edna as Nate why the Scottish people love country music so much the well I don't know maybe that's the same reason as me when I go in to Hank Williams for knows a school boy because all that the pop music really sucked and it was like she wears red feathers under hula hula skirt and song for that you know here you know yellow polka dot bikini and then along comes a guy singing your cheatin heart you think ooh yeah that's get no polka dots I like the sound of that no polka dots and a cheatin heart that's what you want and what's a drinkin and heartbreak I think that is for all these people love to give themselves pip a pain more pain they do and I love kissing about about missing Scotland when they're still there if I know I know because you can sing your fellow singers can sing a song father oh I'm fine I can't see my heart will ever be in scrap are you still here be quiet Jonah's on your father knows it's crystal but you you have a place there don't you know I love it babies love it I absolutely love it I loves trying to hear the winter the winters about here long yeah as ready as me get over Scotland needs a bit more global warming that's right she knows you'd share the global warming around a bit thinner you know give it to the colder fall I think I saw having a good idea for where are you in Scala New York doggy style honestly stop the campaigns and the nicer hey one day Java castle yes well I don't people think I do i I have a baronial house which is it's got turrets it looks like a castle and one with turrets is pretty much a cat is still one of those little windows for virgins to hang out of God now how do I look good it's like you know that little round a turret yeah pointy thing hello Thank You Know Who I am any young filmmaker points for becoming a donor we don't want to record your penis or perhaps we do I can tell I'm in the land of scrotum [Applause] well if you have to take a break we'll be right back we'll be right back with honor [Applause] I'm in with Billy Connolly Thomason I remember when when you were just starting out and doing your comedy you were doing the stand-up comedy I have never had the Scottish person doing stand-up comedy before her after you get how does it help funny enough the same thing happened to me I most of the comedians I had were English guys on the radio right and they were great you know they're very question some of them were outstandingly great like max wall and very odd weird people and thank you her and guys might use like this guy and he'd I knew the only man the ones we told I was running away I want that all the time and the worst hair piece you ever had of a wig yeah like even cotton and it wouldn't yeah I would stay there he had a side parting that just did not believe hopefully then access like we saw that you get you're listening to these English guys oh and you think I can do that I don't know I I thought god that's funny you know they're really funny these guys and then my auntie Margaret took me to the Alhambra Theatre in Glasgow and I saw Jenny Logan who I am a but the Scottish comedian and he blew me away and Stanley Baxter people at the Glasgow guys being funny in Glasgow about Glasgow in a glass clanks and I didn't think that was a load then I thought you know you had to be like posh and talk like there I say everything's a bit funny every day yes angry I'll say I'm foreign people scream underwear yes put that down Tommy huh solve it it's not in the past we solve that I just blew me sideways and I thought I would like to do that but by the time I had finished being a weld and all those kind of things I only know when you're finished being a well do you think but that's that I'm done welder from heaven comes this noise something like this [Applause] yeah by this time show you know it Marian well and usually at the time you're welding was someone urinated yesterday ah has a peculiar defect in the nostrils yeah now so I must think what a bit foul but I'd say my was here he had long hair and a beard a very long bearded these are called me hochiminh on the claim the other welders who Diamond and day so I was too weird for Cubberley there was only a couple of Cavalier places and and variety theater or vaudeville had ever stood that was known as we are all the guys we're all the same old people had just got old and I said it was nothing to do so I I got a band you I started to play the banjo and and do the folk music places and there was really funny guys in there very reactionary political folly guys and so I did that and Kanna sneaked him away so in n I read in the paper one dear that was a comedian died but I thought at this point I was a funny folk singer but I never said a comedian but she'd have done it I've done it it just happened that was there just fell onto a minute it's fantastic I I remember us to you your albums when when I was listening to them that we weren't really allowed to listen them because you would say swear word - yeah yeah and he's gotten today I sneak up on appearance and clear stuff yeah because it's very naughty yeah is water talk about weird stuff you know venereal disease and I was nothing funnier nothing for you Oh until you go to the clinic yeah a guy told me once Oliver hi people with a hole in the newspaper cut along the street so you don't identify them can in this play it so told it their all and the venereal disease clinic in Glasgow zat Blackstreet much I mean it should be and I had no idea it was in blacks get to being jolly happy streets ago it could happen to everyone agree but I said happened to him yeah oh dear God I'm sure it was kind of weird you know I was under a lot of attack in Scotland for a long time and I what you the planet after you you think but didn't they go after you open an over and over and over again I don't know I still do these why did he attack you so much the presence : they don't like me I'm a serious pain in the ass to them uh-huh but I don't understand why because all the predictions come to wrong ah you know what was going to be a six-month finger a year long thing would die in a his drinks and takes drugs and he swears and a debtor the debtor than ever daddy and there's no how to say I followed in your footsteps I guess that's why they're in America shortly other tight belly currently everybody we were [Applause] welcome back I'm here with William Connelly a Scotsman making his way in America how is it working open you billing is working a greater I'm liking it over please here though I look to you for 13 to 14 years until a couple of years ago my wife bought a big yacht and the girls get older and they went to college and the wife bought a yacht and sealed away yeah the owner had to do how did you like going to no just I would join her I was working paying for this right and we sold a house up there in days she was sailed in the Pacific right no but Robert Louis Stevenson Hall and one that's I've never been down there like no yes I like that idea but it only good during the monologue I was thinking about going down there tonight actually today I thought Pacifica was so specific that would be nice there's very little Scottish people we used it every Scottish person has holiday pictures of the childhoods standing in the rain on a beach with a bucket and speed I know for a raincoat entire no fog well I never a lot of fog and caravans or a trail of you leave your house to go and live in a trailer for two weeks in the rain rain look at the dream think so we fried eggs one day son what are we doing Friday's my boy in a plane on a plane on a play let's do get any more people talking about your tattoo and the stand-up of you go so you can more than I am good stuff up here secondly get the banjo in your hand well band you here nanny tattooed feet really yeah they look a bit like Paul Smith socks really dad the effects Mel's got a shadows in the country I like to smell the hand I look at that that is that's an odd choice [Applause] with its farming it's fun in the tattoo show but he said what do you want if it flows flowers of every kind bees and stuffy are you getting your own warning anytime soon why just I saw myself as covered in flows when I was older and I made yeah I got my first one I got I got my first tattoo it oh yeah yeah just to be client best thing up there very true I got so yet I think flowers this wait I'm going to go now this good you know you can everybody live with all the skulls under band you are going behind but sure there's a girl I thought should have got it in the knee behind your neck yeah it would have been but the self not even if you can get under the Rivoli you get through all those clothes and get and they're very bad you an idiot right yeah no be nice why don't you think about drawing it out later on because you didn't have the money value I didn't have any I'm 45 and a couple exercises well sometimes did you get successful you think you're not as rebellious as you where well I do anyway because I've been Akane a rebellious guy since the 60s and most of the things I've doesn't and I remember I got my nipples pierced [Applause] I don't have it anymore I had to take them out for that movie mrs. Brown oh yeah that would I wouldn't know what for they are you Queen Victoria like I swam in the movie and and my nipples shunk and I couldn't get them back in and that was the pretty much the area where the never you swim and when they need a well known in the English Channel in November yeah so I I went back to the to the the know when I got them in the first place the nipple pierces there was a guy called cliff cadaver the value that he's the best dear someone else and then it and he said why did you want to do this that's all the myself don't feel as rebellious as I did they weren't good when he put them in no clothes were and I gotta mainly said one more of us one less of that god bless God he listens what about a table you saying the V scoot up orders or say no no it's good you know our deal anyway the big kind of harley-davidson go we scoot over option our faintness no no come on then [Applause] they'd just be done anywhere you like anywhere you like all right oh please welcome the charming and utterly lovely Billy Connolly everybody [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] please sir William Connelly nd mundi mundi mundi it's Monday again love Mundi it's a lovely day look it's been a lovely day in Italy Emily yeah love it how are you sir can I call you sir well you may you are William Miller William an a CBE what does that mean I'm a Amanda commander of the Order of the British Empire congratulations now does that mean that if Britain should go into some kind of battle you'd have to lead a platoon no I think if I got a body of men together we could attack people we don't know I have the club for you I'm liking your trousers very much did you get them in Scotland I got a big New York this is what I when I was a child we used to call this bum be tartan do you remember I do remember bum beat us and it was tartan that wasn't really exist as an actual tartan right just check out this stuff it's what they used to sell when Japanese tourists would go to Edinburgh and they were going to try ops and they would say do you have the Yokohama yes aluminum one quicker is that how you look I've never learned I it goes there's a bar that goes back and forth and our shuttle that goes that way so there's a lot that goes on the shuttle is a bit like the Moses no for the computer this oh yes I shoot through the wood the wheels into a fight why my talk because leaving is an important part of Scottish culture and American should I worry about your idea of it is just to make people Ichi yes yes well this is by far the least comfortable garment in the world why is why are you wearing it because I have sinned I know Oh Oh God I know I read your book and you - in - you lived my life I try to as much as possible yeah well I used to when I was about 10 would be just when your first album came out the sword so that was a second out the right a second one and we were we weren't allowed to listen your comedy then send revenge my jaggedy clothes so we used to act and this is the module iPods events which you have to take record players and hide under bridges with record players and set them off and listen to your I love story - that is true you know because I stories about yourself or because you're not invited to these events when I meet people as very odd meeting people who have grey beards who say I used to listen to you when I was a little boy what happened but I was reading your boot Canas and that's another weird thing when you read books are but you don't hometown and streets that you know I know yeah yeah I know it's but I've been back recently to Glasgow and it's all gonna cleaned up and everyone's happy with teeth you know how soon a normal girl I have you frankly to somebody and ease the cross or anything try some of this mustard it's really lovely who's your own yeah get out of my face as you - Lucas that's a city has learned how to work the sunroof it used to be dark place it looks as if somebody said little derive acid why is the weather got better as well I mean the best I can explain you know time goes on people get you know change but the weather has got better than me the where does get better and the whole town used to be in black and white yeah enoksen color as you wouldn't be not the only person I know who has said is that for me I have a photograph standing at the finish and crane it's a big crane and a dockside in Glasgow and it's an innocent color but you'd swear it was black and well yeah you're the only colors my face I thought the whole turns blind what you're about to be not working yeah that's what everybody's always blow up in the 40s and the 50s and the world was black and white people don't believe me I know at well I was born in 1962 and by then sepia tones were creepy it was deeper then we forget or CPR we dated again Joanne or CPA year we said I don't have a voices do you have a place in Scotland you letting Scott Aberdeenshire yeah Harper Dean yeah every council give a council that's there have you been elated it's a baronial house what's the difference between a baronial house in the castle I'm not really sure I think you have a moat no right I'll be the difference I don't have battlements you don't know I have pointy toes and things pointed so yeah tells you trapped virgins and all a guy in the village said you know your house is haunted and I said no I haven't noticed elephant a headless dog a head was dog I said that's the worst haunting story I ever stopped frightening like a headless dog father dude nothing nothing I can't bark it can't sniff it's on our city nice maybe that's it was probably an evil dog is doomed to wander all eternity not like in its own business except the only doggies yet you have to lick his balls I don't think kicking the dog for a walk in the Rings right now you have to be bad you have to do when we come back well at least the cruelty to animal people won't be I realize he's not real he's a dog best friend milk it see have a talk yes I have our have a dog I have a dog called hear me she's a Labrador well that seems very normal he's a lovely in Scotland I don't have a minimum if he not travel no will he usually we bomb here in Los Angeles and then we moved them back to school when we moved to New York we shifted him to Scotland and then won a Labrador in New York well that's dangerous though because you take an American dog and they drive in a different state of the road over there you know until you'll think he's safe and he want to be saved yeah be careful with that film the way that you treat dogs he's going to be he's like anyway I read you wanna look at the Tim please ahead oh so you live in New York as well I do a little pointy towers in your house in New York no I don't I live in an apartment in New York and it's very pleasant tiniest I still live in New York I still love Devin toe and you live downtown yes oh really do you like Lindy's Union Square I spare you Slav Queen I know I read in your book oh yeah you really did meet it yes I read generate another one as well the bridge or the seductive disrespect yeah yeah I think he gave me the first time I was here yeah I said I get rid of honor yeah I bought I bought on my fabulous electronic Kindle book well didn't know do you like I don't really like the Kindle II things because I feel like I'm working if I'm looking at a screen do you do yeah I think is it highly some days I'm a Kindle I turn the page and have to remember to click my thumb but I do like it it's like you can take a whole library on the road with you instead of Lombard books I like I like to do this and not the dog oh so crazy today I don't know you thank you good I like to do that you don't the dogs the air does anybody able to do that when you're this boy at school yeah let the fingerprint and Yeti yeah yeah what was not all opposed failed of it that's not so he just did a tricky priest Oh No yeah what taking you by surprise Reutimann disremember where we come from it was black and white all right I think we won them over you killed it wonderful they're stars and stripes guys are blind we admire of your boots that were bananas or the bananas in a museum incredible yeah my the Berlin the museum school children fail pass them well here are the most william is the rally the relics of billy connolly i think of failing past or miss kinases we had been in a museum you feel duty-bound to be dead what's gonna say when you shuffle off this mortal coil will they put you end the boots and then you can just listen to me burn me down and empty me into the boots I don't know well why don't you have yourself stuffed and turn the booth in some kind of dog licking position no although they would criticize you in some way for the oh yes they always paint away do I eat it with a copy I see me remember the press and Scott would be baked off on you all the time because you were very famous if you if you leave I don't want to sort of put the spotlight on my cell by seeing this but if you lead in any way right if you're a leader of n are you clearly I don't care if it's crochet or are you making if you are the leader in your field they will nail you there's nothing they dislike more in Britain not just in Scotland then someone is prepared to stand alone and do something that's why I always go for mediocrity yes see stay in the center of the hairspray just clap your dog like a normally do that good try any good night away you silly my hair yeah they don't like it you don't if you're not one of the hell to get very angry and I have to have a go at you yeah but they always fail I know we'll just because it because they don't really represent the people as a lot of that goes on in the world the world doesn't fit well enough I've traveled really really extensively and the thing that disappoints me most most of the time I have a wonderful time but when I look at the politics of any different of those different countries the leaders never resemble the people that represent that's true that's absolutely people always in great shape if you go from Zaire to Alaska with the Arctic to Aboriginal Australia the people are in great shape and they want very very little and then you look at the people who are leading them and of generally goodnight we gotta go we're going to go we're done one outside generator you had absolutely but I'm yeah we're done I I have to know at this point so I was a kid only if you do that thing that you do for your dog [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] please welcome the lovely Billy Connolly everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] please please sir William cuddly what a jolly mob he had they're highly paid vagrants it's very nice to see you Billy I'm nice to see your shoes I see you're wearing this I'm oh yeah nice to see you sir is that they should be your shoe you're right because you look well you look very nice you look like you've been playing jazz I just like fancy showing off stuff though it's very nice I like the shoes that these shoes were made popular by gangsters in the 1920s first of all no I like of the brown ones and green ones as well I just I love strutting my stuff have you ever tried being a transvestite that's a lot a lot of the a lot of comedians enjoy that I think you'd be good at it you get the hair genesee you know you've got lovely long hair I'll give very pretty here yeah I have some casual clothes I've done little with in recent years probably a great idea yeah I think so that was I never I dressed as a woman a couple of times yeah me too if it was Kenny Everett remember him yes in Britain in the leg yes and his sure we're Esther's women and we both had beards and we spoke about facial hair problems yeah they can I seen that right and listen a year that your wife is in the Dancing with the Stars show once you're in the final that's amazing whoa whoa whoa it's got our barrack in one it's only the brains one is really nice one is on Saturday night in London so you can back there - yes I found it NBC she's got it what dance is she doing there she's doing the Charleston the quickstep the Charleston the Argentinian tango and and another couple of dances I don't remember seems like it's a more rigorous competition than the one we have here certainly we'll be coming back and forward mama was jet-lagged I was in Canada for a while performing an end I had to shoot over there and see her come back see my girls go over there so I've been sort of permanently jet lined it's a strangest thing very very weird condition to be undefined just a very farty I think the pressurization really would but what I feel is my dinners don't process I've got the have about four lined up ready the food get it like like at the airport itself like the planes are waiting to arrive like the winners are you tell you need to refuel and I'll tell you the worse the worst imaginable thing we cannot fresh as a daisy at quality three in the morning yeah when the whole world is asleep now and you have only four pages left in your book and you're trying to make them last yeah and then the couple next door start to have say hello lemon have you ever had there been in that position I with a head so the doll you mean in the hotel oh yeah something else banging away next door you don't you know you know I hate lies when you hear that and then the dude starts making more noise than the woman I think there's something weird about that you know I mean great well the guy's the main animal the rules and the women the women go yet yes yes yes yes yes and you want to know if the wall of me could you stop out you know the question get any yet but God taking you - yeah I don't quite come down there when you did that yes you don't need to gradually women are like a little thing I don't know I like the idea of your wife Pamela winning Dancing with the Stars and Brit that's lightly extruding are you a dancer yourself you do all right no I I've always pretended to be drunk when I'm dancin but that's the guy take me reserved of myself and my friends you'd probably northern Billy partisans of course I Scottish actor yes that's lovely but we were young with specialized in doing this for a laugh you know you would you would dance with the woman and store legal or bring it on down and sorted your basically you will it live and they couldn't understand what you were doing or ticket roses off so you know we're legally legally here that you know well the woman is really close to you just listen you Lando Yoli oh really is that the stall no I don't make this all and very very funny yeah well I don't know when you watch your friends doing it yeah yeah it's very very I'm not sure loads of funny things you can do with that if you're never a buffet an open buffet you can take out your willy and put on the plate again not technically legal and then good salad on it yeah all right no you mustn't you don't come out completely not they are the object is to have it lurking in the undergrowth and [Music] then talk to people you know and eat mingle the domore mingling that having your willy about you mean so you have to play here yes you bring your PPI and so you have your other thing on there and the salads in any you want dollars but what would you may night into you there's the Lord Mayor go and talk to them okay see so you go over with you and talk about salad do you want to try some another strategy so they do a lovely tomato here what happens if you inadvertently get to a hot plate then you quack and zip out and have vinaigrette running down your thighs are you taking me back now believe me yeah there's days and scotland's with vinaigrette Roger you know how they don't they don't show you that brave heart you tell you tell me young monster they don't believe you I don't believe oh we made our own entertainment back man oh yeah there were no iPods just vinegar and you're under no so you're back you're back there all the time and it's gone though no no live in New York oh boy just got the freedom of Glasgow she did no I did congratulations yeah thanks but what if that wouldn't actually mean then how do you get it's just an owner really allowed to graze your sheep in Glasgow Greenland okay the strangest thing you can I can fish the double clade any time a lake which is I thought I could anyway there I've been freely fishing it for many how well you can drink in the law and nobody's having your peepee and your salmon so so you can fish them look like a DVD here PB here at CBN a peeping here alright so your your you can increase your sheep and if you graze you have any friends I'm allowed to take them across and and I must I must defend Glasgow and old times which I happily do and have done for many happy years but the best thing is if I'm ever thrown in jail I'm entitled to a sale of my own I think I've got the freedom of the city of Glasgow as well because when they put me in jail I was on my own in the sale so was I no I could hear you Nikki and I were yeah yeah hi good thank you that's because I found a particularly nice vinaigrette nothing like g-loads vinegar all right I made myself for the boats like there so you get the freedom of the city a Glasgow and after giving you an idea over there you said William Connelly you know I'm gonna CBE what does that mean the credit card I'm a commander of the Order of the British Empire so that means nothing okay well you got tie what got argue with a prima donna legal medal is like I am lost but it's peeled blues very pretty thing and we're in your neck T where your medals much sir no I don't know you may need a medal when you get your peepee in the salad absolutely because I'm not generally invited to the the medal cannot dues you'll be gone to the royal wedding will surely I don't think so really long very well on the mountain once and there was a wee boy yeah dear hey let's entertain Billy so is that a mouth organ an awkward pause give us a mouth organ mouth organ is no look do you know what I told you 9 do not repose I know go ahead of us felt that the other had an awkward pause on a marathon I have but not on TV is no one frame electrons enormous yeah exactly you know feeding nothing trophy I don't know he's always at the salad bar I don't know look at dad dad you missed the bus oh wait do we have catches cool yeah yeah you can play [Music] [Applause] yeah I always said if you know if ever we had against that you'd actually play this damn thing we would give them the golden mouth organ that's under glass bring it on razor buzzing look at that [Music] so William Farley let me present you with the golden harmonica of CBS [Applause] let's just very quickly I'm very as probably some of you may know Billy Connolly has been my hero since I was a very young boy in Scotland I've always looked up to Billy and I've always you know I think he's the the greatest living a comedian today but everyone I cannot endorse putting your pee pee in a salad good night my first guest tonight is the brilliant actor a fantastic comedian he's a legend from the great country of Scotland which is like oh very nice and he's a fantastic new film called quartet which opens in New York and Los Angeles then Friday and then it goes nationwide on January the 25th take a look at this [Music] William please Lily you look fantastic but there's a snake around your neck look that snake I know so II think my my daughter's boyfriend made an ex-boyfriend of the house and that's going to be a bit awkward then doesn't she have something to say but you were in promoting his jewelry when he suddenly took to it a couple of weeks ago in a warm everyday I don't know what's continent a minute is it in any way related to a snake or as no it's just Elizabeth Nikki feels snake he feels a bit sneaky but doesn't have that penis sort of feel let me try again it does a little bit at 11 feet easy bill sneaks in a bit penises look I have no idea what you saying not dare you are you postulating the idea that snakes are in some way a Freudian laws I made a film with a with Jim Carrey with a snake on blank with Lemony Snicket I was in that film you are my love I'm there yeah I was I was there and then they cut me out it was one of the high points my I remember you again you were sleeping in a wheelbarrow when I met you yeah that's right I was I was dressed as half a lady half a gentleman yes anyway you were in that poem you had a snake around you now much bigger one guy I enough and I thought this feels like a huge penis oh man sad day for me look at a movie are you making here well wait it was there any point your life where you'd had a huge penis around your nagging no one there was a day when I had another snake around my neck I remember it was you would you would go to prison for this no but I was at then let me ask you a question if you can go for this now is it wise Patel - sir yeah no yogi understand is a very simple thing it was at the art galleries in Glasgow I've been there for a very rare occasion they had a reptile exhibition real reptiles and I was there with my sister and most people go to see the art we went for a slide so the flows of Marvel's are again you can take a shoes or shoes or a along it and we were compassed the reptiles nagase like snakes and I said well yeah and even food and dressmaker in my neck and I'd almost had a coronary so you actually had a sneak around your neck child amazed me that it wasn't slay me it was it was no it feels like that actually it feels like that little thing now yeah and we returned to the ESPYs returned congratulations on this film I saw the their abuse for it when I was in Brett I was in Scotland all of these and everyone's going crazy for it they loved it it's you know there's a mucky-muck cactus is that does does to have this bit of it except in a driver all like that when you look at the lineup you know and they said it we're going to get Albert Finney but is it was ill and then we were going to get Peter or two it's that the nice thing to say to you well you're doing like we wanted someone else but you're going to do believe I'll be fine please so you thought I look too young [Applause] you do have nice hair I will admit that you look like you'd be great if you had a wind machine do you have an open top car do you have a convertible no you should because you look great driving the dog the football convertible says your hair blows the wrong way is it true for everyone frankly in the eyes you can have this that's one of the great disappointments our convertible it should blow backward doesn't I'm crushed ice well it's true no I believe I know nothing about I go oh yeah that's always been a great disappointment for me as well what last Billy what lad and I could never drive or my own room a girlfriend but either you know what was your idea killing each other well you know good night me I've never been good at those cool things well that's why you become a comedian no I mean clearly you can't I mean if you're not you don't know yeah yeah it's a desperate desire to appear more confident than you actually are for example the sentence I'm in that having trouble with right now I feel like if I keep opening and closing my hands things will be all right but oh very much yeah have you me did you wear you over in the old side for guess I was a fairly quiet Christmas for like my daughters and my grandchildren and your daughter's ex-boyfriend or was he no oh yeah yeah and this is not understand he's not allowed there anymore did you wear the necklace to your daughter yeah go quickly no I wouldn't yeah it's great and I were a very quiet time compared to the normal a Scottish New Year that I used to have when I was a drinker oh yeah well well you would wake up in a house you didn't recognize with bars on the window and out of gas and one shoe yeah and you have to you have to go there and home with one shoe on oh I used to always wake up in buildling Drive and Glasgow really yeah bills when driving class I've never been there I don't have any family or friends there but at least half a dozen new years I woke up and build one drive it but I think I need to get an attacking go those are dry let me take it [Laughter] yeah well nothin much in those ones rhymes well I'm there if you get me that I say come and say hello I'll be there for sometime he used to go from host to host and Scotland first footing you know we called it first footing but you were the first fruit over the threshold of the house after midnight midnight thing but now you don't do it you see because in the old days everybody had the same old crap you know they had nothing nothing a video that didn't work very well I mean I have you say don't take your children it was New Year when I played an accordion or something a little metal and they did another year of rubbish yeah oh god it's pleased and hope somebody's yourself with a jacket on and then someone would come with a you know whiskey and a cake whisky in a cake and a piece of coal yeah look what this whole quote was from the fire I an oatmeal yeah and then but then we started to give video players and DVDs and and computers and all that stuff so you don't like people come in casing yeah because you take it no no cause those will be all the Happy New Year but they'll come back in three months so now they all gathered in princess tree and Edinboro say yeah like it's like burning man out there at new years the bejesus of you you can't see them you can't I don't know getting can you see bejesus it's kind of like that black Irish I said be Jesus stick we got thinner link bad eyes doing mean again it's rolling bed bath and business we take a break for my god oh my god welcome back everybody welcome back I'm here with the gentleman I've never met before pretending that we've known each other for a long time and we're from the same place telling who are these people is it some kind of ghastly nightmare I don't wish to allow you but at least two people here this evening are from Australia God can he say that the chief eject oh we did a lot of the acting though oh I love it really I like doing that yeah no it's good I'm in The Hobbit as well Oh congratulations ooh deeply denying fruit oh that's my favorite part I means if it was a boy in my life is cooler with an eye on foot oh dear our school was different in those day I you had to get an eye on foot again it used to shave your head and paint a purple that's right if you had a head like snow you get you got no that's what we used to do easy I don't got nation of stand-up comedians were all traumatised well belly but at a time most people usually work okay usually have a band-aid over one lens of the glasses I remember that if the law guys what was wrong with that thought it was weird glasses but they would have a band-aid over the glass is like like the spectacled had been injured exactly her mother was blind and went ahead the purple head and it runs in a buck playing Billie's you want coconut yes okay um let's see um I'm going selection okay [Laughter] my halloween was very quite less he otherwise I thought about going to the West Hollywood Halloween carnival but it's too crowded there's 400,000 people this year if you've never been at West Hollywood's over that way it's very different from regular so there's different from regular Hollywood and regular Hollywood that's where people call their way to the top and in West Hollywood they claw their way to the bottom exactly

Channel: The Jayleno Fly

Views: 1,283,043

Keywords: クレイグと女の子の女性, クレイグ・ファーガソン, ロボットをゲオフ, craig ferguson, craig ferguson and the ladies, flirting masterclass, funny late night, best talkshow, funny talkshow, talkshow compilation, talkshow moments, flirt talkshow, geoff the robot, the jayleno fly, funny moments, super happy fun time hour with robot and old man, craig ferguson billy connolly, stand up comedians, scottish stand up comedians, billy connolly best moments, billy connolly compilation, funny

Id: 6D9Z7antjMw

Length: 56min 29sec (3389 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 21 2017