Bill Maher on Marriage #1

I mean really what would life be like if women acted like men it would end life human life would come to an end on earth because I mean a guy would come to work at 9:00 a.m. it's eat the first woman he go hey let's do it right now and she'd go sure I'm just like you oh don't right now and they would and the work would get done no food would be grown life would come to a halt that's why they had to invent marriage so men would lose interest in sex and get back to work hey I kid marriage but just married married people we see this is what scares me about marriage no one ever cheers for it you know and I've been close it's I've tried every down the block but it's it's a trade-off right you know it's like when you get married I think you trade good sex for good food but really I mean single guys always braggin my girlfriend you see your body and married guys are like my wife cook or what I mean they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but that's after other organs have been nullified I have never been married well I got to tell you has someone a little older than you yes when you reach that age you never been married probably not gonna happen saying if you've if you've been single this long you get set in your ways and single becomes normal and I don't regret it I'm 37 years old you know and I like I like living the lifestyle that I you know that I lead I don't want kids I don't want to get married I don't want to know we need more like you out there but people are afraid to say that a lot of times they don't you know because other women say oh you'd be a great mom no I wouldn't I would be a terrible mother I would be a bad mother I wouldn't I don't even like other people's kids honey you're talking about the original really big and you can see this in the commercial because people always they never just get right to boating there's always these activities they're doing this the strolling and sunning and shopping and canoodling is it is it this much work to [ __ ] your own wife in this country I'm so sorry I never got on board with that I mean I swear to god there's one where the the couple is putting the finishing touches on a birdhouse together then like people say you know we're gonna have a kid we'll be saved the merry yeah and then the kid just lies in a crib it really doesn't it's like it gives you like another two years because relationships go for two years and then they have to have a kid to save it for then it lasts another two years and then they break up I think people were married they often have kids because they're not having sex anyway and if they have a kid then they have an excuse not to have yeah people very often say to me you know your anti-marriage I am NOT anti marriage I know a lot of people who are happily married not a lot some all right one guy I mean if it works for you yeah you know it just doesn't work for everybody look I am not against marriage I am NOT never have been I'm against marriage for me but this is a very personal issue I get it some people they would be lost without their spouse I know guys who hate it when their wife is out of town one guy okay what you had to bust me on that so quickly one guy but he's sincere about it there's that there's this meme is this a meme kids I think this is a meme I hear it all the time happy wife happy life which you know it it sounds so sweet but it's really a threat it's a deaf it's just it's it's a nice life figure out there shame if anything would have happened to it so I think you do want to go to the store and pick up those items don't you I thought you did the other marriage cliche I love I hear it all the time celebrities love to say it they asked the couple you know what's the secret to your marriage and the guy always says oh she keeps me grounded yeah I was doing all this soaring luckily I got this [ __ ] to remind me that I'm not all that so that's great a Harris Poll says 38% of Americans have dated a co-worker and 31% of office romances have led to marriage the rest ended happily does every infraction no matter how small have to be rehashed for an entire lifetime that's not politics that's marriage this week a California the Supreme Court here disappointed gay people I think who want to get married although I don't know why that's it is avoid but new rule now that Alex Barker and Aaron Smith who both have the same rare condition that leaves them unable to smile have met dated and gotten engaged someone has to tell them things are going to get easier because this is what every couple looks like after a few years you've contributed to the DST I'm still filler but where do you get where do you get this money because I know divorces no alimonies women in the Republican Party a married women married women are about equal I'll leave you to what you won't say about marriage based on that but they can't say I'm a liar and to me not getting married was part of that you know if some people just have a very strong libido and you just have to deal with it and if I had gotten married anytime before now you know I couldn't have been faithful so I just lived the life where I could be true to myself and to other people is men's nature and not us species gonna continue if it's just your nature but it isn't just our nature I would you see why you don't get married because this is the week that the gay people in America finally really had it up to here with Barack Obama because you know he won't come out for a gay marriage he threw them a bone with federal benefits they didn't like that they said we are not satisfied and we are feeling neglected and he said well that's almost like being married I changed my faith in order to get laid or is that married or good my children of course will be congregation around I mean we are we expected to take this nonsense seriously for a second if he got married to get laid why did you make a mistake [Applause]

Channel: Mostly Bill Maher Clips

Views: 344,794

Keywords: same-sex marriage, gay marriage, monogamy, relationships, men and women, married with children

Id: lkiIH-ipe7A

Length: 7min 22sec (442 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 26 2018