Bill Maher and Liberals

[Applause] mural now that georgia has all but outlawed abortion they'd better prepare themselves for more of what happened this week a newborn was saved after someone abandoned the child in the woods in a plastic grocery bag now we here in california would never stand for such a thing a plastic bag now on the other side of the aisle barack obama has been placed under secret service protection the earliest ever for a candidate and of course now comes the tough part picking a secret service code name that al sharpton will not find racist come on folks give it up for you know it's not all one way the other side is wrong once in a while thank you and reality tv is all cruel yeah it's looking down on people and you know honey boo boo she's stupid and you know i mean that's the way they get their jollies that's why liberals watch honey boo boo because they can they can look at her and feel superior but also we are we are and conservatives watch her to get makeup tips [Music] and the palestinian leaders have called for what they call a day of rage in los angeles we also have a day of rage that's that's when you're trying to drive when obama is in town you saw that this week oh my gosh when this guy comes to town traffic is truly [ __ ] and but you know what hollywood liberals they they are still crazy in love with him even when his motorcade turns the freeway into a parking lot they're like that was the most inspirational traffic jam i have the way all the cars came together weed legalization went down in ohio in kentucky they elected a teabagger governor who's going to try to repeal obamacare there in houston equal lgbt rights went down the drain bad week for liberals what is next a cal shortage oh what a bloodbath for democrats on tuesday i've not seen liberals this down since kale went on a season i hillary clinton is not a sure thing you need a fallback besides suicide in canada [Music] somebody's got to stay here and eat all this kale last year a social justice warrior swarmed on matt damon for saying gay actors should not be defined by their sexuality which was interpreted as him saying gay actors should stay in the closet the deadly beast screamed shut up matt damon washington post he's got damon's planning to do and vox said matt damon isn't a terrible person he's just ignorant right the real obstacle to gays achieving equality is matt damon liberals do this all the time they get offended for people who themselves would not be offended you know that whole controversy about the name washington redskins they did a survey 9 out of 10 actual indians don't give a [ __ ] lgbtq group called homophobic by lgbtqa group protesters demand village people replace cop with social worker very predictable i'm telling you this is going to be the death of liberals this nitpicky intramural attacking of friends for insufficient purity compulsively cleaning up a little corner of the room that's already quite clean well there are giant piles of [ __ ] everywhere else see the pc police aren't saying you can't make jokes you just can't make them about a protected species jokes about men yes gay men no kim kim kardashian's asked yes her stepfather's tits no new rule if you're a suburban liberal who puts up one of those immigrants are welcome here signs random guatemalans get to take you up on it let's see how welcome the cupertins really are when they come home from yoga to find jorge sosa and his family spread out all over the restoration hardware and spanish subtitles on the netflix account what do you think about the fact that i said it tonight in the monologue about the mother who slapped the kid and liberals who if you talk about domestic violence with their kids anywhere else they are against any sort of hitting but when the black lady does it well there's something weird i'll say this i've taken some of those very ass whippers so uh nerol before i react to this photo of mexican dwarf wrestling social justice warriors have to tell me am i angry because this exploits and body shames or am i proud because they're fearless latinx people who are beautiful at any size it doesn't matter to me personally i didn't even notice they were dwarfs i don't see height nero the interracial couple that gave birth to twins one white and one black must admit they toyed with the idea of naming them michael and jackson [Applause] i'm kidding congratulations and good luck not rolling your eyes when your liberal friends pretend they still can't tell them apart [Laughter] when democrats take over the house in january they owe it to women and that's not why they should run a woman they should run a woman because tons of women actually are motivated at the moment to support other women i think the brett kavanaugh effect has actually been not to deprive democrats of votes it's been to motivate women to go to the polls and women are better then he talked about how until they're going to be okay until they meaning us liberals go to a certain point and then it's going to be very very bad well he hasn't counted on one thing liberals we have the support of npr and the vegans and academia yeah that's a joke we're [ __ ] okay that's the joke they have the guns and [Music] so uh then we found out a couple of weeks ago that bernie sanders democratic giant liberal had written his 50 shades of gray type piece somewhere when he way back when he was in college so we realized now that there is a market for liberal erotic fiction and we have a a sample here it's called be still my bleeding heart it's really meant to get liberals hot are you are you unfor hearing some of this [Applause] [Music] i was at whole foods buying organic seaweed for my rescue goldfish when i noticed her working the checkout counter she had a body like ruth bader yeah yeah it just wouldn't quit [Laughter] [Music] like ruth bader ginsburg our eyes met and suddenly i was harder than the wall between church and state i placed my craft beer on the belt and she asked me did you bring your own bag my head was spinning like a wind farm i i knew she was flirting with me but i told her i wanted to respect her personhood and boundaries and not disempower her with any patriarchal microaggressions that's when she showed me her [ __ ] summoned all my white privilege when do you get off i asked when elizabeth warren talks about credit card abuse in minutes we were back at her place i threw her down on her sustainably grown cotton futon and we went at it like two rabbits humanely raised on non-gmo corn [Applause] i ran my fingers to her long luxurious hair then when i was done with her armpits i placed her hand on my sizable entitlement i told her i think you're going to like it it's gluten-free [Applause] i put it in and she screamed like howard dean after a hard-fought primary but like the one percent she took it all until she finally came with a thunderous cry oh god oh god oh god has no place in the classroom we lay back taxed and spent i lit a joint and told her you're the sexiest woman i've ever met woman she said and gave me a look oh no call me caitlyn

Channel: Mostly Bill Maher Clips

Views: 250,978

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Id: N__TtGzwvfo

Length: 10min 11sec (611 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 04 2021