BILL ENGVALL - 21 Years Of Marriage (Part.2)

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see nobody told me that there had to be a pattern to the dishwashing you know guys I'm going to inform you right now it cannot go plate bold saucer bold plate saucer all right I just don't work it has to be a plate and all his buddies in a row then you have to have the Brotherhood of bowls all together and apparently food will just stick to a fork in thousand degree water if there's a spoon anywhere near him laundry room not even allowed in there anymore apparently some of you aren't either because I looked at the dial on the washing machine and it said cold warm hot warm is right in the middle that's where everything gets clean no no no no bill the whites go in the hot water and the colors go in the cold water and then I found out that there's a whole nother group it's called delicate things and there's a whole cycle just for that see you can't fellows you can't just put a pair of jeans in with a pair of panties because it just slaps them around the whole cycle and their feelings get hurt they're delicate tell you another way she set me up one night we were lying in bed we're kissing we're making now things are starting to progress and one of my three basic needs is about to be met well I've had dinner night tired I'll let you do the math and she just stopped just stop ladies guys can't just stop it's like p.m. all right it'll cause bodily injury if we just stop and I said what's wrong and she looked me right in the eye with those big brown eyes and she said is there anything new you want to try in bed tonight Oh God Oh think think what is the right answer because I know as soon as I come up with something I think it'd be a little fun I'm gonna hear this where'd you learn that oh yeah put your little slutty smoking girlfriend twenty-one years on our 21st wedding anniversary we got talking about the difference we that first year marriage not 21st year boy there's a little difference in their number that first year you pick a fight with your spouse just so you could make up and have sex 21 years later you pick a fight with them just so they'll sleep in the other room my wife never snored our first year marriage she's now 21 years later so I'm like somebody starting up an 18-wheeler I never believe they snore do they men no like I don't snore there's a pack of bears in the backyard baby my wife never had morning breath our first year marriage god she used to roll over and go hi baby and I'm like oh god I love you 21 years later they roll over hi babies when she eat the possum I don't remember seeing it on the highway remember that first your marriage you go swimsuit shopping together your wife my little sexy string bikinis oh yeah 21 years later we don't swim remember that you go shopping with maybe trying on that little sexy bikini and then from behind the dressing-room door you hear this you don't see what it looks like and we're like God nigga at 21 years later buddy you sittin in a little chair the store gives you holding her purse and from behind the dress room door you hear you have got to be kidding me and our brains telling us don't ask but we can't stop it can I see it no I'm not coming out this day all right I'm gonna go look at tires now here's something I didn't know fellas when women try on bathing suits they leave their underwear on and then complain it doesn't fit right we'll take your damn panties off whoo where's Ben the last time I had underwear on underneath my swimsuit that was a year and a half old and that was strictly a safety precaution that's the thing baby take your panties off shields oh that's gross can I go you got me on that one what shields bill other women might have tried these on without their panties on I'm like really she'll stop it I'm like sorry I'm just a guy maybe that first year married fellows you come home from work at a bad day on the job you walk in that front door just beat down like uh what a day at work and your new bride of one year to be like Oh baby they shouldn't be mean to you you sit down I'm gonna get you a cold beer 21 years lady walk in the front door ugh god what a day at work your wife screams you while you were at your job never if you had to go to the bathroom oh dear Lord shut the door lock it turn the faucet on turn the shower on cuz god forbid they knew you were going poop 21 years later that bathroom doors wide open you're screaming camera it's alive my wife still won't shut doors she's going pee they just bugs the hell out of me I've seen her naked I've seen her give birth to my two kids but she took that bet through dope I'm like baby please shut the bathroom door and she goes why does it bother you they go do you want to know why cuz you look so helpless guys we're P and we're hanging on to something we're doing something you win and go P it looks like you're waiting on a bus Christ get a gameboy or something man see and there's another difference woman walks into bathroom on a man if he stand up she knows what he's doing if he's sitting down she knows what he's doing fella walks through the bathroom a woman she's sitting down we don't know what you're doing and you don't want to walk in that invisible wall do you fellas yeah you know hey baby my mother mouth water a little bit I'll be right in town health first year of our marriage I just seek my wife food 21 years later buddy she learned how fellas remember that first year of marriage when a new bride will do laundry for the first time and he freaked out cuz I thought you might have dirty underwear so he just threw them away 21 years later you just open to hear a scream oh my god did you hit a deer that is my favorite joke only because I don't care what city I'm in I do that joke I see some woman do this

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Channel: istismf

Views: 380,317

Rating: 4.8158994 out of 5

Keywords: BILL, ENGVALL, 21, Years, Of, Marriage, Part, 2

Id: b0F8bJVmvSI

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Length: 10min 17sec (617 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2009

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