John Pinette - Just for Laughs

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Wow I moved to Los Angeles so I bought a condo a little condo now I have to go shopping for the condo I'm not a good shopper and I just started shopping randomly and I knew the first thing I bought was going to be ugly I want in trouble I went in and bought a toaster and the lady said could I have your name and address no I have this money and I'm taking this toaster now you don't need my name and address I'm not adopting it I'm purchasing it I might throw it off a building after I leave here she asked me she said would you like to buy the warranty for the toaster no I think I'm going to absorb the risk on this one I'm not a gambler but I'm feeling lucky today if this toaster should break and God forbid that day should come I'm gonna take another $39 out of my pocket and buy another toaster cuz that's how I live on the edge hi I just don't now after I got the condo all filled up they sent me back out on the road and I toured Canada and it's been a pleasure tour in Canada it really has been and the first date in Canada was Ottawa in January that's the best time to go it's not all touristy in January the hotel rates are favorable my suite was $39 or you could give them a toast or either one they don't care but Otto is a beautiful city and they have people that the river freezes in people skate on the river it's beautiful to watch and they have these snack bars on the ice and they sell these things called beaver tails oh yeah you're brought in for beaver tails you really are my people oh you have to skate the people's you have to skate to the beaver tail now the beaver tails it's like this big it's a fried dough of death thing it's all your weight watchers points by the way um I had to buy other people's points in my group now well lesson I am not an official weight watchers representative I'm part of a rogue's splinter organization where you can buy and sell points in the black market so you had to ice-skate to the beaver tail which is just cruel well you can smell the beaver tails you can smell the fried dough from your hotel room and was making me crazy so the third day I was like give me ice skates I skated to the beaver tail and it was this nice family from Ottawa a mom and dad and two kids and they're in front of the beaver tail stand I just remember that look in their eyes you know like oh well he'll stop I couldn't and I didn't cost me some tickets to the show that night I'll tell you that and I bought them all beaver tails while the paramedics looked them over I'm not an outdoors person either I like the lake I like to go swimming in the ocean that kind of thing but it's a hiking no hiking is hiking is a walk that sucks you know what you do when you walk I love to walk you walk to the movies you walk in the mall you walk in the park hiking hiking you hike down ravine you hike up a mountain you were hiking and you found a dead body my friends took me hiking and when we got to the lake there was a kayak kayaks are now on my list I don't even what is it is it a canoe for people with no friends mine didn't move I'm not too big the kayak is too small Danah pull me out like a champagne cork we got him and I'm wedged in this kayak going if I fart in this kayak it's gonna have a thousand-meter kill radius it's gonna go off like a claymore mine hi I was in Jamaica and they lost my luggage and by the way Air Canada I'm flying Air Canada Mauro very good airline lighten up at the check-in yeah Oh seriously Darius faith it's yeah excuse me I'm going to New York and checking over there at the machine I'm going in New York there's a machine over there do you have your confirmation number Jeff your confirmation number what do you do do you just point at the machine all day I'm gonna buy them a sign checking that machine in the way your ass huh Mike my back was a kilo over oh my god take the kilo put it out of the bag put a cable out of the bag waiter a kilo what am I gonna do cut a pair of underwear in half if a kilo makes a difference in this bag going on that plane I'm not going on that plane I was in Jamaica and the airlines lost my luggage I won't say what airline but they lost my luggage and there's not a lot of big and tall zin Jamaica I bought an extra large shirt and I had jeans on I cut the jeans too short alcohol was involved in this decision oh I look like a hooker and the world's least successful hooker I'm not bragging and it was a ride in Jamaica called a banana boat it was an inflatable banana and there were three of them going out at once and it was actually fun and I was dressed like a hooker so I wanted something to take my mind off things so I got in this inflatable banana and in the motorboat pulls it and it was a lot of fun to the motorboat took the hard left and I went sailing off the banana boat into the other banana boat and there's that poor family from Ottawa you know like there's not even a peeper tail stand here why are you following us when I was in Los Angeles I went to the doctor and I'm you know I'm getting older and I wanted to make sure that I was okay for the road the doctor did a blood test a stress test and blood pressure and they were really good now the doctor looked at me shocked she goes these numbers are good she goes did you know you're allergic to wheat I did not know that the next time one of my friends call me and say John we're going week picking would you like to come I'll have to say no the doctors said I was allergic then I thought wait a minute maybe I should ask questions weed his flower I said what is this sweet thing mean she said do you eat a lot of gluten I don't know what gluten is but yes I would say yes um I think I'm mostly gluten to be honest with you I don't know and she gave me a book of things that have gluten in it you know it has gluten in it every day I said check again maybe it's just cancer I did I didn't take it well have you tried gluten free stuff it needs Chloe if you want to know where the gluten section is in your local supermarket look for someone with a gun in their mouth cuz bullets are gluten-free then I tried some gluten-free bread I immediately asked for gluten spread so that I might reintroduce the gluten I hope they make I can't believe it's not gluten the gluten-free bread doesn't toast it broke the toaster 39 dollars I should have bought the warranty I love you Montreal thank you

Info

Channel: PsimoesWeb Comedy

Views: 2,206,459

Rating: 4.7865624 out of 5

Keywords: Psimoesweb Comedy, psimoesweb, comedy

Id: k4I3bcDC4rE

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 11min 52sec (712 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 30 2016

Reddit Comments

I got to see him live at the Brea Improv not long before he passed. He was an amazingly funny man.

👍︎︎ 2 👤︎︎ u/TheInebriatedMic 📅︎︎ Feb 15 2017 🗫︎ replies