Bill Burr, Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Wildest Fantasies

foreign Island yeah I could do it it can be done there's Islands to be bought no yeah I'm more of the Bahamas Thursday no they have like what are you gonna do out there going on a cruise in the Isle of Island at Dr Moreau just gonna slowly go crazy yeah become like 400 pounds have your face painted no I got I'm gonna I want to own a bar that is the all like the majority of the eating is in the sand it's covered by a Hut it's next to like I want to be next for like a passport control so everyone's got to stop in on my Island and go to their to clear the password to go from the British to the American Virgin Islands and then I'm sitting right there and they come by and they're like the ribs over there are [ __ ] amazing he makes three things he makes ribs he makes french fries and he makes hot wings and he makes friends and he makes friends stand up every night Christ your Island I love your your Society 2.0 imagination I live a fantasy someone was talking the other day about reading books I go no no I have a Daydream and like what do you mean today I'm sitting in here I cleaned that man cave you guys coming over and I sat here I was daydreaming about like the silliest stuff like just I would go Daydream for Daydream with you what do you got oh I can't it's it's so silly I can tell you my Daydream yesterday yeah was that I show up to the Stanhope taping and Johnny Depp comes up to me and he's like he's like hey uh I listen to the podcast you're absolutely hilarious if you ever want to just hang out like you should hang out and do damn guitars and I'd be like oh cool and then Doug would go hey did you talk to Dad stand up or to Johnny Depp I was like I did and he was like he's talking about the guitars I go yeah Doug's like let's just all bail on this and go back to step song like I literally had a fantasy I've done that my whole life it's all pedestrians so far okay see I would have taken it to the point then I went and I played the guitar and it was so unbelievable and Joe Perry just happened to be there all right next thing now I'm jamming with Aerosmith yeah I'm singing backups that's real by the way then when Joy Kramer does some great on drums somehow I shape-shift and now I'm playing the drums because that's the cool part whenever I listen to a [ __ ] song Whatever the best part of the song is in that moment I'm doing it every [ __ ] song male or female that like every solo I'll listen to Aretha Franklin just think that I had a cartoon voice like Mel Blanc and I could sing like that for a character on my show I think [ __ ] like that when I'm [ __ ] walking around oh my dog terrorism single-handedly oh my god do you ever think about uh rescuing like school buses full of kids I think that'll be my big what's gonna happen hero fantasies Shucks after you do it and Oprah wants an interview but you turn her down because that's not why you did it oh yeah no I I that was the first 20 minutes of me walking my dog today dude you gotta be a dreamer man what the [ __ ] else you gonna do yeah I think about that [ __ ] all the time about like I'll get on a plane and I'll be like who am I rescuing first yeah and this goes down and I remember thinking there was some plane rescue fantasies all the time oh all the time especially if I see one of them walk on board then I really start to fantasize about it one of them yeah absolutely yep yeah I get they're the worst no do you start to like fantasize about like about taking a weapon out of their hand oh I've fantasized about that that's not our fault because we grew up on all those action movies that's true yeah we'll blame them yeah it all seemed believable do you think do you think I was we had a period where like homeless guys were breaking in to the houses around here and I I like did my scenario like I've had to take a gun out of someone's hand the way to knock it sure like hit their hand hit the gun but you got to do it work to the open part of their hand and you take it away and then take it from them put it right back in their face it's caught serial killers and rescued people that were down in a pit oh in that house yeah a couple of gunshots and I walked out like it was nothing that was the most amazing bravery we've ever seen I was just and I still made it to my gig just bandaged myself up saving your okay so guy breaks into my house a bunch of young kids break into my house uh they don't know I'm there right I come in because if they did I do I do avoided I do a leg sweep like this one guy standing back to me I kick his feet and he hits the ground right yeah I then disarm the other two I get them down they're apologizing just let us go sir and my line to them is I'm gonna have fun with you guys I was gonna say you gotta have a catchphrase oh and um this is gonna take a while and I'm gonna torture them I want a box like in Game of Thrones that's that's on the movie poster yeah this is gonna take a while oh fantasies are good especially rescue torture fantasies yeah the flip side of that is I always start to do that and then I was like I can't do that because then I've become I have to just put a bullet in somebody's [ __ ] head I couldn't like oh I couldn't listen to the screaming that's that's why I get out of the fantasy like I don't want to do that yeah I'll just [ __ ] just give him one right I don't know I get around the center of the ice I was uh walking Liam I was Leann's like go check the backyard make sure the uh whatchamacallits are in the trash cans are in but it's it's real hard to get around because everything's closed off so I gotta come around you gotta kind of like do an inspection so I have a flashlight that's also a stun gun and I'm going around did you buy that off Bobby Kelly I bought it off Amazon weapons semi-automatic [ __ ] flash like they got a hat that's got a weight a lead weight in it so you take it off and you hit someone with it I got a bunch of [ __ ] I got a gun that shoots uh she's gonna rock around with that extra weight on your head compressing your neck at that point you kind of you got to be hoping well [ __ ] I want to use it right of course I fantasize about it so which way to Ventura what did you say about you oh my god oh

Channel: Bill Burr University

Views: 9,015

Keywords: Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Bertcast, Bill Burr Podcast, Bill Burr University, Bill Burr Angry, MMPC, Monday Morning Podcast, Bill Burr Tom Segura, Daydream, Fantasy, Rescue, Fantasies, Hero Fantasies, Cpmedy, Tom Segura

Id: AaAVfgyXkOQ

Length: 6min 21sec (381 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 18 2023