Bill Burr Driving: Glendale

you know what's funny it's the first thing you look up on Zillow is something that is in your price range and within two seconds you're like 45 million you know what I hate about those houses is they'll only have like don't only have like three pictures it's like come on let me see all right how you doing it's bill burr what's going on I'm driving a car through Hollywood you probably first thing you're thinking is Bill what's with the Hollywood shades I'll tell you what it is it's a big day out here in Hollywood all the nominations for the Golden Globes came out today and I want to give a shout out to the Golden Globes for standing strong and not nominating any women until they [ __ ] earning zero nominations for me it's right I like I like the Golden Books they're old school you know awards and credit or ferment okay we started this business you think you're just gonna waltz in here and take our awards it ain't happening I can't believe people get upset about that stuff can you believe Mandy Mumford didn't get nominated for Marissa Miranda right I mean what is going on polar ice caps are melting stay focused people and I even get nominated I mean I like to think that I put out some pretty solid dick and [ __ ] jokes this year I didn't get a call nobody came looking for old freckles today we're going to Glendale Glendale I believe is a town within Greater Los Angeles it has a high Armenian population as a giant mall has one of the most incredible cemeteries you could ever go to like if you're gonna [ __ ] die all right and you're all sad about it if they showed you where they were gonna bury you it would take a little bit of the edge off depending on your age you know if you were really young and still be sad if you were super old you'd be like I remember we used to fight engines over there I gotta take something that the highways out here it's not even the traffic it's just the overgrown [ __ ] on the side of the roads this is when you're reminded that you live in a desert you know Clint Eastwood should be riding a [ __ ] horse through there chapped lips here's a part of Glendale a lot of people don't see a lot of people come down here they go to the mall okay they go down and they get you know their name or their loved ones names engraved on some Crocs you know some sort of classy Christmas gift you know uggs with your baby's face made in fur around your calf so everybody knows how much you care you know what's [ __ ] gross is designer clothes for toddlers you know what are you doing they're gonna [ __ ] outgrow it how much can you flaunt your [ __ ] wilth crab Avenue it's an unfortunate name STD Lane get your [ __ ] crabs here now this is like a great area too because now you're you're north of the 134 so all the animals down there at the Steak and Shake Shake Shack all of those [ __ ] people dead down there where they belong on the other side on the highway then you get up here look at this they got an urgent care Urgent Care people for when you know their gardener cuts off his finger or something this is where they send him I don't sorry I'm a little out of sorts I can't believe nobody with a vagina got nominated for a Golden Globe I mean it's just I'm gonna have a tough time today I didn't even know they let women on TV to be honest with you all right this is the deal wherever you go in the world all right then I'm gonna take off my glasses see know that I'm being sincere here all right regular people live on flat land you know if they got the church there you know God won't you be up in them Hills right and they just slide on right look at okay see some [ __ ] people just stacked up on top of people okay and this is the deal you know that you've made it in life when when you drive to your house you're going up a hill that's it you go up a hill you go into your house and you look down on people see the Ralph's is down here the rouse isn't up there they don't want you up there because you're not good enough okay and you know when you're good enough you know when you're good enough someday when you could afford to tent one of these [ __ ] houses up here when you can risk having your toddler get snatched by a coyote that's when you know you may be alright so again we're getting to the hills here see there's a nicer apartments let's see what we got going on here look at that solar panels there's a guy who cares yeah or a lady doesn't give a [ __ ] about the Golden Globes thinking about the polar ice caps is there way for me to get some solar panels out of this [ __ ] gig see little little puffy part poodle dogs that's another time when you know you're getting into wealth when people have a poodle mix scene I like these that's an old style house Walter there's one you know you have an old style house when they have a carport carports like the one of the great things that went away all right look at that this guy's only your home is your castle look at that he's got that little [ __ ] snow cone up there then you got the Brady Bunch style houses down here there's no outlet you [ __ ] [ __ ] how does LA know it just [ __ ] knows what you're trying to do it just [ __ ] knows I love when they [ __ ] you know you [ __ ] alright that kids up to no good you see that kid leather jacket these goddamn punks oh god now this guy's gonna [ __ ] hate me I'm just gonna pull right in here see that's the move that's the move right there got out of his way he started to curse me you [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] with this oh sorry go ahead Jesus Christ that's that scary kid what's he doing good-looking guy he's all by himself [ __ ] Bill Bixby walk into a new town alright so now you got some of the older styles I love look at that look at that look at that that Mediterranean style with the and all the woodwork of the arches I'm a sucker for an arch look at that guy he's got a little trickle truck there for his horses this is the ugliest house I've ever [ __ ] seen what is that that's not looks like a kid did it with Legos all right now we start getting up here now what are these houses go for over here Andrew yeah I'm checking the Zillow app right now we're in the 1 to 3 million dollar range 3 million bucks you see that we just went up to the hill just a little bit look at the [ __ ] the third little pig built that one you don't see a lot of brick houses out here this guy's living the life here huh he's got a modest house he's got an old school two toned look at that badass right there that's a beaut okay here we go now we're getting up to we're getting up to like 2.5 million dollars you see this here chain-link fence you can look through somebody's gonna build a house there the Zillow app says that a lot was 200,000 he's gonna slam something in there unless this person was smart enough to buy it they're so antisocial is that a Volkswagen Scirocco cars lived forever of you said what the [ __ ] that is that's a Volkswagen Scirocco I haven't seen one though since high school Jaguar we got a little challenger here look at look at the cars it's an old school something what is it your [ __ ] books another Volkswagen Scirocco two on the same street is the gingerbread style house you like one of those I'm sure you gain weight when you have a house that looks like a gingerbread house you just feel like you have to be eating stuff with frosting on it would it be redundant if a ginger bought a gingerbread house look at this Columbus they're not ashamed they're not ashamed what he had to do to discover a new world where people were already yet I got to tell you for the hills these are some ugly-ass houses look at that damn thing bought a la houses you know if you don't buy like one of those old school ones it's really about what it looks like inside so this is basically the the Beverly Hills of Glendale Beverly Hills interestingly enough also has a flat area and then it has up into the hills look at that view come on you could literally like parasail down to your flight out of Burbank Airport get one of those squirrel suits say goodbye to your wife ah [ __ ] you lady you never supported me and then you just come in and just land right at you [ __ ] fly I'm sorry sir you have to take off that suit before you go through I've got nothing on underneath we can make an exception you got downtown la look at this person here look at the [ __ ] view this person has that's probably like 1.8 million dollars this guy can watch the entire Valley burn every year in September go that guy with his giant RV it's as big as his [ __ ] house oh look at that monstrosity being built over there a big dog has moved in and he is peeing all over the side of the canyon and you know what everybody in these smaller houses are doing that's obnoxious why would you why would you want all of that space and then you know what he's gonna do he's gonna throw a [ __ ] Christmas party and invite everybody over right and then they're all gonna love them how do we get up to those people can I get up there this way this how nice those houses are whispering is there a way to get up there oh that's right Andrew you have to tell me they got a gate they got a gate they're in Port be getting three million bucks or this house here that's one of those phony new ones but it's not new once again the ugliest house I've ever seen right there there it is that looks like you know when you you remember at a golf course you know that's like you know low-level town they just have that one-story thing lockers are on one side wives on the other side mistresses in the middle all right look at this you can walk her kid feel safe and that's the actual mom walking the kid you don't see that lot you don't see that a lot in Hollywood Glendale these are real people out here see she actually lives in the flatlands and then she goes up the hills to get a little bit exercise to get the baby weight off okay but then she you know what happens you know what happens andrew is she sees too much she sees these nice houses and it creates you know I want to have I want a wraparound deck you know and that her husband feels that tightness in his chest yes some day honey someday who do you get you a real estate advice from I get it from that guy who talks about his deck down at the funny bone the Glendale Hills everybody you get everything that everybody out in LA wants you get a big house in the hills with a view for a great old price you buy a [ __ ] lot for 200 grand go go do that in Beverly Hills see what that cost you it'd be funny in his head I won and neon lights up there local news media would come why do you have that sign because I want what does that mean so you think that having the most property brings happiness it does look at you you you felt the need to come up here and interview me I didn't come down and talk to you I'm having a great time I want I don't need a Golden Globe sorry [Laughter] Zillow everybody [Music]

Channel: All Things Comedy

Views: 613,881

Keywords: ATC, ALL THINGS COMEDY, bill burr, al madrigal, podcast, atc podcast, all things comedy podcast, bill burr podcast, stand up, monday morning podcast, stand up comedy, comedian, mmp, stand up comedian, f is for family, driving, car driving, how to drive, etiquette, road rules, traffic, driving tips, learn to drive, angry people, drivers, bad drivers, road rage usa, driver, instant karma, bill burr 2019, bill burr 2019 stand up, bill burr 2019 stand up netflix

Id: XLefNoxykuM

Length: 12min 33sec (753 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 25 2019