Beyond No: What the Catholic Church Has to Say About Same-Sex Attraction | Fr. Mike Schmitz | SLS20

[Music] well the first thing I want to that prayer I want to thank you all as I mentioned before I want to thank you because I know that there's other sessions you could be going to right now and you chose to come here and so I just want to right off the bat thank you for making that decision and I want to honor that decision as best I can but I also need to apologize because two things one is I wrote as as Jill mentioned I wrote a book about this topic what happened was years ago my experience was that we had all these I worked with all these youth and all these young adults who they had encountered Jesus they encountered his love in their life they knew he was real they knew he he is who he says he is they encountered the fact that Christ established the church and that he's really truly present in the Eucharist and that he wants to forgive us wants to heal us through confession and and they're like I'm all-in and then what happens is they would encounter this teaching the teacher just teaching on same-sex attraction and I so many people just pulled the shoot like I'm out I'm done I can't do this not even knowing that church is teaching but knowing what is often often like kind of parodied as the church is teaching and so it's just like oh my god oh my gosh all these people not to mention that in my own my own life I mean ever since I was very young I have people who are super close to me people I love more than anyone in in this world who this is a this is a present reality and so I'm like oh my gosh I mean all through seminary it was like how do we totally talk about this how do we understand this reality and so I started talking about it and because I just wanted to reach as many people with the the fact that this isn't a message of condemnation it's not a message of criticism it's not a message of it's not a negative message it's not no it's meant to be a message of like truly I really mean this a message of love so I did that talk and then people were like okay talk about it again like okay and then just to talk about it again okay they said write a book about it and like no and they said write a book about it was like no there's read a book about it it's okay and then focus said hey talk about it again at SLS and I said no and they said no no to talk about it SLS and like no they said talk about of that slice I was like I wrote a book about it you can just read the book and they said no talk about SLK so here we are and so my apology is that there is only 45 39 minutes left of this talk and I wrote a book about it so there's a lot to say and a lot of what I'm gonna say today I've already said in the past if you're like oh yeah I've watched that talk right what read that book you're like well that's the same thing like yeah cuz that's what I have to say you guys I'm like whatever you asked me to do this so you knew you knew who you were coming to see when you walked in that that's the thing so not my fault I I blame most of you but the question is if that's the case like if it's like no I already I did I do have the book I have watched that you know talk I think we questioned it so I've been on my heart is why are you here like I kept thinking and praying about this like the people who are coming this afternoon like why would they want to come and it could be because like no this is a part of my life this is a reality I wake up with and live with every single day this experience of I attracted to members of my same sex and I just wonder if the church has a place for me spoiler yes the church has a place for you am I still loved and known by God absolutely yes am i destined to a life of loneliness yes and no because we have to be honest right now am i destined to a life of loneliness yes and no no because marriage is not a remedy for loneliness I don't know if there's any married couples here and there any married couples and married people here okay you raise your hands right okay keep your hands up if you are married and sometimes lonely okay great exactly so marriage is not a remedy for loneliness so every human being is gonna experience loneliness you don't have to be afraid of it though in fact I remember I will disguise their identities but two people that I might be or may not be related to who I love very much who one of them had come out a bunch number of years ago and his or her sister or brother sorry that's really random um so at one point I have a sister who is 53 years old she's not married and she's not married not because but any reason other than just never had the opportunity to get married that's reality there are people in this room who whatever your attraction is you may find yourselves 53 years old and just never had the opportunity to get married so at one point she was talking I go so as I say it talking with my little brother and he was telling her what maybe might be your your your biggest fear which is I don't want to be lonely so the Church's teaching is true then it means I'm gonna be lonely the rest of my life because I'll have to I can't get married I can't have romantic relationships I'm just gonna be lonely and I'm so grateful that my sister has gone through so much pain the pain of loneliness the law of broken heart a lonely heart of a woman who is heterosexual at Senators heterosexually attracted but has never had the opportunity to get married because she could speak to his heart and say if you are if you are looking for someone else to make you not feel lonely you will look forever and never find the answer to your loneliness no I could say that too but here's what happens when I say that he's like or anyone is like 19 does anyone's like well you chose that I'm like yeah hey guys I'm not married either you know like three of us are married the rivers are aren't and whenever I say this like yeah but you chose this and I'm like I kind of I dated and I kind of I didn't write you know what I mean like when it comes to the Lord his call like yes I could have said no god I'm gonna do what I want but that's not very productive in fact it reminds me a little bit of what Jesus had said he said there are some of you who will be celibate some of you are gonna be celibate because you were made so by others and I would say that maybe one of my siblings who never had the opportunity to get married his corner quote made so by others just never had the opportunity to get married so that's her state in life some of you were in a sense born unable to get married and some of you have forsaken marriage for the sake of the kingdom I thought about that like hey in our family we have all three that's neat so I don't know why you're here it could be your experience it could be experience of someone you absolutely desperately love but the reality of course is this is when we're talking about this today this is more than just an issue this is more than just a kind of a topic this is this is lives this is hearts this is this is real life and this is real pain but to realize this is that life is pain I mean these it's important for us to realize this right that that life is difficult this is not this is not the hopefully this is in the news for anybody that life is really difficult life is full of suffering that nobody nobody I can look at see what happens is this I end up looking at other people's other people suffering like well yeah but they get to do fill in the blank whatever I can't do well those people they can do what you know so example so if someone experiences same-sex attraction they could say like we'll okay follow Mike yep you're celibate too and your sister celibate too but like but if you wanted to you could get married so I in my experience I'm different my experience is different like no it's actually it might be a different bite degree but it's not different in kind right it's not it might be different in proportion but it's not actually different ultimately because because Troy Bolton was right we are all in this together like this is that is 100% is true we're it's we we in our culture right now not just Catholic O's are in our Western culture right now we've kind of made like a profession out of us in them we made this this consistent theme of like okay here we are and what are they doing and that's so wrong here this is us and and what what are they out there saying that is absolutely well how how can we make them the enemy and were the good guys so so many of the ways we just talk is like it's us in them so we make divisions between races and we exacerbate those divisions who make divisions between who speaks English and who speaks a different language and we exacerbate those divisions make a difference between who lives north of a border and south of a border and we exacerbate those decision those divisions I mean I understand nobody likes Canadians but why do we have to why do we have to keep putting up walls it airs but we we make these divisions between men and women and we exacerbate those divisions and then we make divisions between those who are heterosexual II attracted and those who are homosexual II attracted and say that's this is us and that's them but ultimately whenever the church speaks about any of these things that you know Catholic means universal so the in a universal Church you get you don't get to have them in the universal charity we're actually gonna be Catholic you don't get to have them it's always just gonna be us so men and women us whatever nationality us whatever language you're speaking it's us whatever someone's attractions are it's it's us because this is what it is this is what it is to live as a church as what is it live as a family it's about us and so we can only be a church we can only be a family if it's first about us and the secondly if we're willing to walk with each other if we're willing to actually carry each other's burdens if we're really willing to actually open the doors to each other that's the only way it can be us that's the only way that it can be actual church so so I was thinking about like okay how am I gonna talk with us today and I figured you know we could start from Scripture because Scripture is just just so you can note note this noun Scripture is incredibly consistent when it when it comes to the the churches when it comes to its teaching regarding same-sex actions homosexuality the scripture is absolutely consistent when it comes to the the teaching on homosexual actions everywhere from Leviticus to romans chapter 1 - first corinthians - the letter of Jude - the whole thing it's completely consistent but the thing that I found I think I found about about that is if you ever start with scripture then people will oftentimes do this thing where they'll make themselves the exception or they'll kind of twist scripture in fact I had this long-running email correspondence with this man and years ago he wrote to me and began this conversation in which he said that he revealed same-sex attracted and he's in this long-term relationship with another man and hew saying you know I'm a faithful Catholic I love Jesus and I love all these kind of things but I can't accept these three teachings and the three teenagers were it can't accept the teacher she's teaching on same-sex attraction actions on masturbation or on divorce and remarriage I was like honey that's really interesting you won't accept these and I realized what was going on was that he had this selective belief this selective belief was I cannot accept the church's teaching regarding same-sex attraction regarding masturbation and regarding divorce remarriage and in the course of our correspondence it became really clear why because those three things were present in his life he said when things didn't actually affect him he didn't have to actually change his behaviors like Oh completely yeah amen I believe but then where there are three teachings that actually demanded that he change I can't accept those things see they see we have this we have this ability in us as human beings to have this selective belief so what happened was in the course of our conversations I say okay well do you believe that Jesus is who he says he is like yeah you believe the Gospels they've actually this is truth the Bible is true like what does that matter because it's coming up do you believe that what the Bible says is actually real yeah but the Bible doesn't say anything about masturbation like I read the whole thing about you know Onan and this and that okay fine I'll give you that one does it say anything about same-sex attraction not at least not clearly enough and okay fine would it right it does but believe me like what if I said what if what if Jesus very clearly said something about divorce and remarriage being a no-go would you if you believe Jesus is who he says he is and the the Gospels are revealing this if Jesus says this really clearly are you willing to accept it he's like why I guess I don't have to so I was like well actually in three of the Gospels Jesus clearly says if you divorce and remarry you're committing adultery I didn't hear from him for a couple days and about three days later he wrote back and said well that's your interpretation of what Jesus said there's other people out there who say that he really meant bla bla bla bla I'm like okay gosh yes we could do that now here's the thing about his story - I just want to highlight a couple things one is there's this selective belief we talked start from Scripture someone can distort it fine but this man is incredible this man has is infuriating a just say that my perspective but he's gotten a spiritual director a Catholic priest was a spirit director in his neighborhood in his area of the world and he hasn't stopped seeking Jesus this is really important this is what it is to be churches always be family his word is to actually wrestle so our email commerce or correspondence is all about like like convince me of this convince me of that and is it true is that not true and I'm like okay dude I live on the other side of the world and I'm typing in a computer but he has a priest in his own life who continues to walk with Him even in his brokenness and in the span of like that maybe eight years that we've been writing to each other he keeps taking these steps closer and closer and closer to the Lord and closer and closer to to chastity and closer and closer to becoming a free man and closer and closer to Jesus because we recognize this for every single one of us conversion is not an event conversion as a process conversion is not an event conversion as a process and so for this man to his credit he keeps reaching out why because he's like because I still want freedom he keeps reaching out to me and I'm like gosh dude just get over it like you can do that um but he knows this truth is that like listen no no this is a journey this is gonna be a process and he hasn't stopped his journey he recently just emailed and he said that he the doctors discovered a malignant tumor in his body and I just think okay here's the same man who years ago was infuriating I just say that infuriating years ago he was infuriating years ago like dude just come on but who hasn't stopped walking and in this moment is experiencing great physical pain as well as emotional spiritual anguish its realized man God uses everything why because one of his biggest fears is maybe one of our biggest fear is that the thing I mentioned earlier tonight today is I don't I don't want to die alone I don't want to grow old by myself I was talking to Anna Carter Anna Carter is the co-founder and president of Eden invitation and if you're interested in like actually getting diving deeply into like how can I walk through this world as a man or woman who has same-sex attraction um courage is a fantastic organizations 40 year anniversary this year but also Eden invitation is so good because one of the things that they are all about and anna has told me about this insight it's it's it's about like beyond just she always says that she says no one has a vocation to know so the church all the church says is hey just say no that's not a vocation that's that's maybe a step but one of the things that that anna has said is she says you know I get it you know I embrace the church's teaching I want to live it fully but here's the question who's gonna drop me off at the airport here here's the question I want to embrace this fully but like when all my friends are married and they are starting kids like who do I spend time with now and so here's my friend in my internet email friend and I realized that it's in this moment with his his cancer that fear of the future of like what will happen when I'm 50 what happened to when I'm 60 what will happen when I'm old like oh there's no guarantee there's no guarantee you get to grow old most people don't most people don't get actually the privilege of growing old and when that gets to do is it get to put it in perspective look that does is then put my fear in perspective what that does is it says it takes everything from like okay twenty years down there were two thirty where am I gonna be then and it says okay to wait wait where am I now and it's so good why because that is what every single one of us are going to experience that's why I'm saying you guys that it's not if we cannot ever talk about this topic or any topic that's to the heart about well them and us every single one of us it's part of our experience every single one of us this fear of loneliness everything you know loneliness is an epidemic in our culture right now you know one of the most the most like reportedly lonely groups of Americans right now is middle-aged American men who are married that middle-aged American men who are married are experiencing incredible rates of loneliness this isn't an us and them kind of a situation so all that to be said how can we understand what the church is teaching regarding same-sex attraction unlike two points to two two points then worth dive into something in in a second um in the theology of the body I'm sure a lot of you've heard of the theology of the body there are are two kind of principles that there's many principles but here's two of them one is is this you are your body when I first heard that that was not a radical idea when I first heard the theology of the body like I you are your body uh right now right now that is so counter current culture I paid five years ago wasn't even countercultural right now the statement you are your body is actually radically counter cultural but john paul ii senate like this he said the body and it alone makes visible the invisible the spiritual and the divine so the body in it alone makes visible the invisible the spiritual and the divine so again just guys I know you guys when I first started talking about this this would not be a like a contested idea but if you were to say okay here's Joe hi see you don't even see him cuz he doesn't have a body I how do you know Joe is a man not because he feels like a man not because he has to tell you he's a man because he has a man's body that's how you know Joe is a man how do you know Jane is a woman not because she feels like a woman but because you look at Jane's body Jean has the body of a woman the body and it alone makes visible the invisible the spiritual on the divine you are your body and every single Sunday we stand up and we recite the Nicene Creed this is a Catholic worldview we recite the Nicene Creed which is I believe in the resurrection of the body which means that if you have a woman's body right now in eternity you will have a woman's body if you have a man's body right now in eternity we believe you will have a man's body because you are your body in fact when we die we become less human it's one of the which one of the obscenities of death which is that the body and soul are taken apart and your body soul are not meant to be a part the obscenity of death is that the soul and body are taken apart and so you have that mean think about a Peter crave talks about it like this he says that um the things that like horror movies are made out of our body and soul separated so you have like ghost stories that's a soul that a body or you have corpses like you know the Walking Dead that are bodies without Souls is what we are as human beings is body and soul together you are your body second point is if you are your body than what you do with your body matters you are your body the body made alone reveal makes visible the invisible the spiritual divine but and if you are your body then what you do what I do with my body it actually matters it's not just what's in my heart is that just my intention not just my circumstances it's what I actually choose that makes a difference so how do I know how do i how do we escape kind of the current kind of crisis in our culture that would say that no no no it's not what you do not the objective reality it's just like how you feel the subjective reality because a lot of our you know a culture was safe things like you know listen you got it you got a stand-up you got to speak your truth have we heard this phrase got to speak your truth yes so it's a real thing I'm glad you raised your hand because no one else did thank you for being courageous um like there's kind of these like the head nod where like no one can tell behind you it's like the father I hear you I don't don't make me move though um but that's idea of speaking your truth it's not it's not completely incorrect why because sometimes that is like hey how are you doing speak your truth I'm fine fuss anyways um but there is another realities not just it's not just the truth is not just subjective truth is actually objective as well truth is can be subjective how I'm doing what I prefer how I'm feeling fine that's great but truth is also objective and it's so interesting because object of truth is either so let me quick definition of truth two words truth can simply do be defined as what is what is so a statement is either true or false to the degree that it conforms to what is so if I were to say there is a podium on this stage that statement is true or false to the degree that it conforms so there being a podium on the stage if I said that there is a microphone on this stage that statement is either true or false to the degree that it conforms to what is if I was say there's a chair on this stage you really say no there's no chair on the stage right so the Amen we get this so a statement is either true or false to the Derrida conforms to reality it's to the degree that it conforms to what is the problem with that is something is either true or false regardless of whether I like it know it or believe it like something observed objectively true if something is objectively true it is objectively - regardless of whether I know what like it or believe it so I could say like right now for example here we are in Phoenix um we're in this windowless room if I were to say somewhere to come in from the exit and say you guys it is snowing right now in January in Phoenix we say but I didn't know that does that mean it wasn't snowing it wasn't snowing for me no it's that but it's knowing independent of whether you know it like but I don't like snow in Phoenix in January it does matter that doesn't do anything about doesn't affect that not liking that reality or not even say you're free to say nope no I don't believe it I don't believe it that would not stop it from snowing so a thing is objectively either true or false regardless and whether I know it liked it or believe it so what is the objective truth about who we are what's the objective truth about what things are because we have to start here we have to get this place of like be able to say okay so everything that if there's an objective reality everything has a nature to it what I mean by nature is like a very simple way it's like a as a what it is this but what it is nasaw the thing is the nature of a thing so um I should have prepared and got a chair but you all know what chairs look like so you might have encountered one once or twice so you look at a chair and say okay this is a there's not the nature of a chair because it's the what it is and it's of a chair and you say well how do you know that what it isn't something how do you know the nature of the thing you know the nature of a thing you know that what it is 'no sup a thing based off of the what it is for ness of the thing so what's a chair for sitting exactly a chairs for sitting so i know that this is a chair because it what it's for its to sit on so you can have like a chair like you're sitting on you can have an easy chair you can have a lazy boy you could have a stool all those things belong to the nature of chair because they're all what it is for this which is to sit on amen you also have like a table and we know the nature of a table to what it is nasaw of the word it is Furness what's a table for to set things on exactly to set things on so we recognize okay so i know that this is the nature of my imaginary chair because of what it is for us to sit on here's the nature of my imaginary table because what did this for this is to set things on no the word of this forest reveals to what it is nosov the thing or the reason for its existence reveals what it is now here's the thing i can use the chair for what it's made for i can sit on it but i've also done this you probably have done this to where sometimes you've taken something and you something on a chair you violated the very nature if do you know you haven't or we've done this we've set on a table and mom comes in and yells at you but like other than that the word it's for nest you just like no I'll use it for my own purposes no problem no problem with that because there are some things that the word it is for nest to sit on you can actually use it for your own purposes to set something on and it doesn't violate the very nature of that thing but there is such a way you can use a thing and violate the nature of it for example if I were to use that stool that share has a chopping block for splitting wood though pretty quickly and pretty obviously violate the nature of chair where I could take a table and like use it as a prop for my car to change the oil underneath and again it would pretty quickly violate the nature of table that's not oh it's for the same thing as true when it comes to human beings the same thing is true when it comes let's go because we only have 15 minutes left let's talk about sex baby um what is the nature of sex well the what it is this is revealed by the word it's Faunus what is sex for yeah so if you were like a scientist the the alien scientist and you have no idea about life on Earth and you came down and like to just examined all of the like different biological systems you would say okay this is one animal system or animal action called the sexual act you're saying okay what is that for okay would it I'm gonna find the nature of it by looking at what it's for so what is the nature of sex what it's what is it for someone said it procreation exactly I mean it's like not a newsflash that is like the nature of sex is oriented to what it's for nests babies we also recognize that scientifically genetically biologically to what it's for nest is also unites the people in the sexual act we know that endorphins and other way to calm hormones are released during the sexual act that actually help a person get bonded to the other person in the sexual act so there's two what it's for nurses in the sexual act babies and bonding procreation and what the church calls the unitive action that's the wood it's furnace now can a couple engage in the sexual act so here's here's Jack and Jill James she's not we're longer here here's Jack and Jill and Jack and Jill are married and they internally and what happened is they really wanna have a child but they haven't been able have a child yet and so she's tracking her her cycle and should they're like okay Wow hey I'm ovulating we got to get going and so they enter into the sexual embrace ordered towards procreation not necessarily cuz they're like I just love you so much and I want to experience this great closest to you and really want this unitive action of the sexual act now are they violating the sexual act because they're entering into the sexual embrace more for babies than bonding are they violating that no no just more emphasis on the baby thing no at the same time you could have Jack and Jill and they're like you know um in this moment we experience a lot of affection for each other and we just really want to experience that closeness and so they're entering the sexual act because of the closeness not because they really want to have children out of this particular act are they violating the nature of sex in that case no because they're open to it they're just and that's not the reason why they're there now could they could there be a situation where um Jack says listen I want a baby I don't care about your feelings I don't care about your consent I don't care about you at all I care about the unitive I'm actually gonna take advantage of my quote unquote rights as your husband to have sex with you so that we may have a baby regardless of what so it's working against unity right see that working against unity would that be violating the sexual act absolutely because you're working again not just like our emphasis is on procreation but it's because like we're actually working against one of the ends what it's for neces of sex could a couple also violate the procreative Act say like okay we want to experience this closeness but we do not want to have children so let's do what we can to prevent children from being conceived whether that is through medicine or through a condom or through some other kind of means would they be violating the what it's for ness of the Act absolutely again this is their objective that's true whether I like it whether I knew it or whether I believe it because the sexual act has a nature and we know that nature by asking the what it's for is it for so this is this is true for every human sexual act that it is oriented towards unity and it is oriented towards procreation regardless of anyone's wounds regardless of anyone's desires regardless of anyone's past history regardless of anyone's inclinations if I work against either of those two actions I am working against the very nature of the sexual act does that make sense so that's why I'm saying like this isn't this talk is not about like those people over there who want a certain kind of sexual experience it's about everyone in here because everyone in here the Church's teaching is absolutely 100% consistent I'm single and I wanna masturbate is that oriented towards unity nope procreation nope okay that's a violation of the sexual act okay I'm not married and I want to enter the sexual act note that is violation of the unity that's meant to be intrinsic you probably want to avoid having kids so that if I was why if I use contraception is if I leave I usually violation of the sexual act but when I have a sexual action that can never ever produce life will be a violation of the nature the what it is 'no sexual act and here's the unfortunate thing that's is like for all cross the board whether whatever someone's based basic inclination or attraction is for we recognize is towards we recognize that any sexual act that is not at least open towards unity and procreation is a violation of very nature that what it is for nests of sex here's the question does that sound know you might say that sounds silly you might say that sounds Middle Ages but does that sound like hate like this that me just be honest about this present it like this is that sound like hate that sound like that you're just saying for those people over there we hate them or this is a group of people were singling out and saying you may not do X now this is absolutely 100% consistent for all human beings that's why we're in one of the things we have to understand as Catholics is the Church's teaching regarding sexuality is for all of us without exceptions and has nothing to do with hate has only thing only to do with the truth what we actually believe will lead to love sometimes the way of love passes through loneliness the way of love always passes through self-denial so there's no exceptions but isn't it fascinating how often we want to make ourselves the exception I mean again my friend on the internet well isn't it so interesting how often we want to make ourselves the exceptions then when it comes to like whatever the the reality is of the Church's teaching is we wanted we want to just distort it you twist it just enough so like well yeah yeah I get it but in my case it's different it's why I love I've my best friend's name is Nick and at one point Nick I said he said he said I just have to tell you guys the truth um I'm the cockiest person I know this is Nick talking it's like no ever since I was a kid I was the most arrogant cocky kid like he's like he's like he said as a kid he was like the smallest kid biddies I like that batkid you know was the smallest but like you're welcome I'm here and he said then along comes Jesus who says you have to be humble gentle and humble of heart like me he can say but Jesus listen all my life I've been arrogant all my life I've been cocky all my life have been proud you're telling me that I have to not be me and Jesus would ultimately say I'm not telling you you can't be you but there is a version of you that has transcended this arrogance there's a version of you that has learned to love in the midst of your own brokenness and if you're willing to say no to this brokenness and say yes to me there's more for you so that's that's the I I know I've been I've been talking about I used this phrase same-sex attraction and and sometimes when I go to places and they ask me to talk about this after I say no a couple times then say yes one of the things that people tell me is like please don't say just say gay say lesbian and so often I never want to alienate someone who would not come to talk because I don't use the terminology they would want to use I would never want to do that but the problem with that is this the problem with that is I think that's conflating an experience with an identity I think it's it's reducing a person I mean how many of you are how many of you are actually uh teachers in training in education how many of you are in health care and training and training for health care one of the things that for teachers as you know this and for those in health care is that what's kind of language they tell you to always use person-first language right person first language so I don't have the oh the broken arm in room ten see like you know it's it's it's the woman in room 10 see with the broken arm I don't just have that oh yeah that the car accident in room to be no it's the man who got into the car accident in room to be person first language always why because you're not defined by your wounds you're not defined by your wins you're not defined by your weaknesses you're not defined by strengths the church actually offers a bigger definition for you and for me than our wins in our weaknesses than our wounds and our strengths and there's a big problem that we have if we define people by their experiences first of all because if your identity is your attraction and the church says ok well this is part of you know the church's teaching regarding truth regarding love regarding all these things what you're saying is you're saying I'm wrong you're saying like there's something broken in me you're saying that Who I am is wrong Church is not saying let's make this clear so you're just not saying to anyone who you are is wrong take any other attraction take any other inclination I'm inclined to swear I'm a swearer I'm gonna claim to lie I'm a liar that's who I listen that is Who I am like I'm a winner I have a tiger's blood like who I am you guys all I do is win win win no matter what like this like 'no no i if i am my experience and my experience has a distortion then what you're saying is who I am is wrong but you are not your experience John Paul the second said this so clearly back in the day he said you are not defined by your wounds or your weaknesses or your sins you're defined but the depth of the father's love for you and your capacity to be an image of his son Jesus Christ in this world everyone in here is broken every one of us that brokenness is not your identity every one of us wants something that we shouldn't want that that brokenness is out in your identity but if I identify myself with my brokenness think of all of think of all the pain that happens there think of all the shame you can't escape from I mean I honestly think about your own life I know people who have been devastatingly injured and hurt by others whose lives are stolen from them I spoke with a woman recently who when she was a child she literally she was abducted from her family by this man and used and abused as a as a child that's part of her experience and she carries wounds that are a result of that experience are you gonna tell her well that's who you are that's just your identity absolutely not that's that's it's a part of your experience it is a powerful part of your experience and every single day you have to live as part of that but you're more your identity is more than your experience and the same thing absolutely same thing is true for every single person here even when it comes to our woundedness regarding our sexuality who you are is more than that that's not your identity has to be more you have to be more than that when ultimately when it comes down to it if you and I try to define ourselves by anything less than who we truly are it will always end up in heartbreak it will always end up in pain so what the church comes along and says regarding its teaching is we're not just saying hey say no to this what we're saying is say as to your true identity you may experience this the rest of your life you guys again when I say this I'm using it really obscurely I'm using really generally because I'm not just saying you may experience same sex attraction the rest of your life I'm saying whatever that wound is in you you may experience it for the rest of your life doctor remember there was a story of this young man who he had come out to his friend has been gay and and they're both Catholic men and and his friend you know said oh yeah you know I love you and this and that and he said yeah but he this is so hard for me and it's really terrible for me and he was really feeling bad about himself because you know it's a hard thing to acknowledge I mean it's a real thing and his friend said well yeah but if it wasn't this it'd be something else yeah it is tough but if it wasn't this it'd be something else no one escapes the cross no but none of us escape the cross that means one of the means is no one's the exception to the rule if you know if no one can escape the cross of suffering in this life that also means that no one has to no one has to escape Redemption in this life as I mentioned before we're all in this together we're all part of this and life is hard because no one escapes the cross but if that bad news is true then the good news is even more true which is what the church completely teaches when it comes to this issue in every issue this person in every person the Christ has embraced the cross Christ has transformed the cross crisis taking this dead wood of the cross and had it bears fruit now that's why when it comes down this is the last thing where it kind of comes down to all this stuff there is fear I think that when it comes down to every piece of this whether this is my personal experience I'm like I am afraid of what does this mean for me who is gonna drop me off at the airport Who am I gonna go old with will I be lonely it is not your experience but it's experience to someone your family is that fear of like are they gonna be okay like who's gonna be there for them is this a death sentence for them and this is your fear when it comes to like but I'm gonna go on I'm gonna go on campus and I'm gonna meet my friends and this is part of their experience and um are they gonna feel like I hate them are they gonna hate me back and there's this fear but into that fear what does the Lord do into that fear the Lord speaks and he says you can trust me because ultimately all this the Elvis is about is about Jesus that Jesus steps into the darkness of our lives Jesus steps into the darkness of every single one of our lives in the brokenness of every single one of our lives what does scripture say he became like us a brother in all things a brother in all things one of the things the church teaches so clearly in the Catechism you know in the whole catechism there's only three paragraphs regarding same-sex attraction first paragraph simply defines what it is he says we don't know where it comes from we know who knows almost like to say we don't it doesn't matter just like you might say oh my wounds where do they come from they are this doesn't always matter second paragraph says people whose this is their experience they're our brothers and sisters they must be accepted with respects compassion and love so the first thing is the definition second piece second paragraph is here's our reaction our response to our brothers and sisters is you're part of the family must be accepted the respects compassion and love any sign of unjust discrimination in their regard must be avoided and the third paragraph says these people are brothers and sisters with the help of God's grace through true friendship through the sacraments like through life in the church are called to read the heights reach the heights of perfection as our thing is like that's you know you know that that's the greatest honor the church can give to anybody right the heights of perfection the fact that you say the church steps into your life and looks at you and your mess it looks at me and my like mess of messes and says actually the Lord wants you to be a saint like no no no no you don't know what's got going on like ninon to know he knows what you got going on but I'm still broken he's like God he's so good they like us because they are us are called by carrying their cross by carrying our cross are called to the heights of holiness if there's one thing if there's one thing that has been said but just needs to be said again it is the truth that no one's the exception to God's mercy it is the truth and no one is the exception to God's love it's the truth that no one's the exception to God's law and no one is the exception to God's high call to holiness a high call it's truly loving no one is the exception to the cross and no one is the exception to the resurrection every single one of us are called to do what Jesus said if you'd be my disciple there's things in your life you're gonna have to deny there's things you want you're gonna have to deny there's things in your heart you've always wanted you're gonna have to deny you have to take up your cross st. Paul he wrote about this and he said in order to keep me from becoming too elated the Lord God sent a Satan to beat me a thorn in my side and I begged God take it away I begged God take it away if you're my brother and my sister here and this is part of your experience if same-sex is something you realize I'll shoot I realized this at six years old I realized I said 12 years old I realized this when I was in teenager and like aha what did you do you probably did this you probably went to adoration is that God just take this away probably into confession like please father pray this so that I could just want to have this experience anymore I imagined so many times you've gone before the Lord and just take it away like st. Paul you have a brother in st. Paul who came before Jesus and just Jesus just I don't want this anymore take it away and the good God who loves Paul and loves you he didn't take it away he said listen my grace is sufficient for you I am enough for you you're gonna keep carrying this wound you're gonna keep carrying this cross but you still have me every disciple something in us we need to deny every disciple a thorn in our side across we need to carry every disciple is called to not do either of those things alone but as Jesus said to every disciple and as he says to you and to me today once again come follow me there's so much more that needs to be said and hopefully um there was something that was of blessing to you today for the things that weren't said again I want to direct you to Eden invitation I want to direct you to courage in their ministries and if you want it can run it direct you to the book that I had written on this topic or maybe a video if you don't like reading the books called made for love and hopefully it could bless you more than this last 45 minutes has let's just pray the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit amen god you're good and we know that you love us we know that we can trust you because your son Jesus Christ has become like us a brother in all things there's not one part of our lives he is afraid to touch there's not one area of our lives that he's not afraid to wade into is not one relationship that he does not want to redeem there's not one part of our heart that he does not want to take possession of there's not one wound in us that he is ashamed of there's not one wound in us that he is afraid of Father in heaven we can trust you because every single mass your son Jesus Christ entrusts himself into our hands every single time we receive the Eucharist you make yourself so vulnerable that you come to us and your body in your blood broken redeemed resurrected soul and divinity living forever with you we can trust you because we know that even in our wounds in our pains you are good help us to trust you more in Jesus name we pray amen may Almighty God bless you all the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit amen [Applause] [Music]

Channel: FOCUS Catholic

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Length: 52min 5sec (3125 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 03 2020