Best Marriage Tips - Dr. K. N. Jacob

[Music] I'll start by giving you a little bit of some statistics on hold going on around the world of course these areas the divorce rate is higher assuming perhaps anticipate in terms of the divorce rate around the world USA is number 10 in 53 percent that means almost one in every two marriages in the u.s. right now add up in divorce France 55 percent Cuba 36 percent Estonia 38 percent looked embarked 60 percent not quite high Spain 63 percent Czech 66 percent Hungary 67 percent Portugal 68 percent who can make a wild guess when we have the highest divorce rate let's pick a guess which nation Belgium only 30 percent of marriages stand 70 percent of all marriages in Brussels especially add up in divorce what do you think is the current rate in Kenya nearly especially nearly women what is the divorce rate now these statistics are from Elena as at 15 of January so they're recent now a little bit facts about marriage this is what I found fifty percent of all marriages in the u.s. roughly we saw precisely by this year about 53 percent end up in divorce first marriages here the story 67% of second marriages end up in divorce now they go ahead and married at that time seventeen seventy three percent of that marriages end up in divorce that means you have a higher chance of winning in your marriage in your first marriage then in second that or other subsequent marriages so every time you look at your spouse and feel like you're dissatisfied please remember this statistics don't cheat figure do not cheat you know the grass looks greener on the other side so I suggest to deplete toys before you leave your spouse I wrote some notes here you have a higher chance in your first marriage than it subsequent fallacies why not invest in your current relationship what do you imagine you do in insuring fantasies but some people tell me doc it's so painful in my marriage I've wasted a lot of time I can't steal it anymore then don't with the pain you build there for five years seven years you've gone through the drama my fighting has been this a lot of marriages break between the fifth and the seventh year and if you've already gone past the seventh year in your eighth year if there is no verbal or physical abuse you have a higher chance working on that marriage than quitting and trying another one the only disclaimer if somebody continually verbally and physically this is you for a long time your life later become vegetative that is for sure if somebody tells you you're loser you can't make it you can't do anything I pretty they're here God is going to touch them and they're going to change that working vocabulary because eventually that becomes your eventual reality you cannot perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the ones you are consuming on a day-to-day basis now some people tell me well in our marriage you have no sex the love is gone with the weeks we have no feelings for each other then I asked them can you come for winning families at green hills can you go for country I can't afford how much is your marriage would you invest in many things and marriage never works it cost to work you invest in school fees for your children sometimes the teens of a hundred thousand but in any given year very few of us the Liberatore invest in our marriages will you agree with me and then you complete marriage never works I repeat it doesn't work it is cost to work the real question is this how much investment have you made you have bought a lot of plots check up please and keep 10 gallons yokomo how much have you invested in your marriage because if it want it then there is an investment for it if there is no investment for it it's not what they show me where your money is and I'll show you where your heart is it's very easy to tell me what is important for you I value my health I value my family I value my children but as a mentor if I truly want to know what is imperative for you I need to check on the two things you are sure you and your finances how you spend your time how you spend your money I don't need you to explain to me what you value where your money is where your heart is what gets shared gets done if I study your money and your time I get to know your heart period it's not what you say it's what you sell you and where you put you investment that's what you value there is someone listening to me here they have no problem tonight or any other day to go drink turned out that but they have a problem investing $1 for a seminar like this and then we conclude marriage never works and then when the time you go to a concert alimentar a life coach some of these things have build repair you've got to the Liberatore invest in your marriage and so I ask you that question again how much is your marriage worth what how much is your happiness worth who do you think will ever invest in your marriage another question I want to ask you right now in the time I've dealt with people in respect to matters marriage the biggest but has always been love and respect so the funding I hear every woman say he doesn't love me and the funding I hear from women from men she doesn't respect me the first complaint the world over have had the privilege of traveling every continent last month when three nations Singapore Malaysia and Thailand meticulousness in Asia in no less than 15 countries and when they are talking to idioms or Africans the number one complaint of all men I don't feel respected the number one complain of all women I don't feel loved so there the big question what is this love and what is this respect and here are some of the responses you people have given me when a woman says she doesn't feel loud this exactly what she says she wants you to spend quality time with her for her the time you spent together means love now that you are able to bring in this meeting she feels loved and most likely tonight wings are going to be very hot calling ha l daddy Tina on what you're doing for high tea means love but we don't do it in Africa especially we don't come from yonder why should we keep texting her we are busy buying plots she doesn't feel loved take time of your business she'll you out of 24 hours I don't believe you can lock in just a second or two to say I love you according to her love means call me update me tell me I love you every man listening to my voice you are not don't blessa she wants to hear it love never spoken is not love asiye now now what autonomy Renisha vista Nalepa what does the she need from you she needs to hear it from you don't make her just a financial partner she wants to be your lover what does she mean she wants attention choose to be listened no comparisons docile interest to other women don't walk down the streets of Nerium begin having a long delay of your eyes every woman wants to know that your full attention is on her everytime you spare time with your children the woman interpreted to be love for her men can't understand this there's a part in our brain that is dead it doesn't understand this the right part but trust me every time we do homework with children you play with them you go visit them you go for visiting day you go for that AGM there's a boring speaker but you stay there just because of your child that woman feels loved sometimes we need gifts and surprises you came with your you know domestics today Allah give this year a surprise fantastic fair enough you can be doing any surprise this year no now if I ask this man do you love your iPod answer yes but according the women we need some surprises that's our definition of love outings apart from to this outing how many can confirm they have not been an outing this year how many can confess there has not been an outing this year specifically not family idea children at Greenhill you two of you how many can confer there has not been announcing according to her she doesn't feel a lot what am i doing I'm breaking it two men what the woman means she doesn't feel loved consorts don't bring surprises a lot of men who buy vehicles thereby plot they do things in the interest of the family without consulting their woman feels and love you rush to see your mother and you don't think your plight to explain is that familiar she doesn't feel love you make critical decisions in the office equally changing jobs without consulting she doesn't feel like she doesn't feel part of that fun way home choice this is tricky this is a Navy I do not do well how many are like me I I don't do well in this area how many men are like me you can confess in terms of home just doing dishes cooking there's an area we need to work on so there are some areas I'm not doing well and I'll be confessing that's one of the area's I need the Holy Spirit they look compliments she does it for you she expects you to comment as he commented how as much today now here's the deja are you where you are kids in Yuri what's your name someone like dork ass when you don't complement her someone will do it in their workplace so if you don't see it another man who see it who loses you lose she will start warming up to that guy even if they don't go fight it's natural you keep telling me I'm smart I'll start warming up to you where kagu mu you don't know who soft ends are hot isn't it easier to say love you you're looking good you're here is good rather than to keep checking where and with who she is protection from that parties your woman must not compete with your mother your woman must not compete with your children your woman must not compete in your career even if you hear the man of God like the bishops who've come here God doesn't compromise your family for the sake of his family otherwise the Bible gives us space for celibacy the life Christ lived each of those items is at that party left I know that it's important for you to do that job but you're able to balance and the only way for Hannah to feel you're competing is consulting as long as you're consulting then she doesn't feel like a side issue she knows she's the central issue now men have a lot of complain that they don't feel respected and I'll try to ask a couple of questions to myself what is this what does he mean with respect they don't want to be compared and every time you keep talking about for example today's meeting let me give you a warning as a woman don't discuss too much about dr. King and Joey discuss the topic discuss what our say not me you begin to compare you a husband with other men unawares it doesn't matter the career that other guy is doing don't shout at your husband at all whenever you feel like calling him names of or domestic animals take a walk go drink some cold water breathe some fresh air by the time you come back you'll have lowered your voice it is not so much of what you say but even how you say it it matters how you say it don't correct him in public nearly women don't correct your husband in public can I go back to never be telling a means of changing area because the news the country knows is that near women can shout can I go back believing this is not a kid at some point had here are people who can speak did you know the louder you speak the further apart your hearts are the more you whisper the more intimate you are consorting from him don't buy things secretary most women from central Kenya have a secret bank account I will not ask you to lift up your head most women from central Kenya have a secret cup lot nobody knows but you know it and most likely your mom knows it is a secret between the Gauss and the moment that guy discovers he doesn't feel respected don't discuss your marriage issues one of the strictly evaded women they discuss their husband with women who don't have in them in the first place if a woman loves you she will not entertain you discussing negative things about your husband please understand misery loves company when somebody is going down the tree they don't want to go alone there could be falling out of their own bitterness why sink at their level don't worry your Studdard to accommodate other uma mungus raise your standards travel them to begin speaking great above your husband because in life you don't get what you want you get what you expect a lot of people expect to be disappointed at they add up not disappointed we expect to fail the end up not disappointed let me say this you don't get what you want in life you get what you expect if you expect to be broke you will not be disappointed if you expect to divorce you will not be disappointed if you expect to be fired from your job you will not be disappointed if you expect your business to fail you will not be disappointed if the results in your life are not consistent with what you design your heart I invite you to inspect your heart because then there is a conflict between what you expect and what you're getting you get in life what you expect not what you want unless what you wanted what you expect are incongruent for men respect mean sex mm-hmm this is a hard thing to explain if you are not willing to make love in that home what's that if he is always reaching out to you from January to December there's not time you show like you're feeling it he is not questioning whether he's doing it properly and he may go to test elsewhere to see whether he has an issue you know matters becomes sense different they are real the moment you control your husband's actually you're in witchcraft the simple definition of witchcraft is manipulation don't money treat your husband sexually leave the fight in the sitting room get back to bed even when you don't feel it you can even use it for making up your body does not belong to you it belongs to you both and the man can tolerate lack of sex from a women out there but not at home he feels entitled and you need to understand that game they saw out here Mario flakes are hot haired that's about my mercy that's why didn't want to comment about it elsewhere I was teaching on marriage somewhere and they this woman who told me she doesn't like been hurt by the husband what you need to find out is your voice definition of love and your husband's definition of respect it is a cycle it is a cycle going back to where we started if she doesn't feel loved she doesn't respect him if he doesn't feel respected he doesn't love her from a biblical perspective no loud precedes respect love is greater than respect and I'll be showing you that a woman submits naturally to love she should not sit down to plan how to submit or to respect you it is the man who started the relationship it is the man who give the leadership to that marriage from a biblical perspective when you lava as Christ loved the church she naturally submits to you she doesn't need lectures on submission love is greater than respect love precedes respect we didn't choose Christ he chose us he says you didn't choose me but I chose you definitely want us to think through together when a woman speaks the man naturally does not hear the same thing so I want to ask this when a woman says can we talk what are the man here the man he asked you are in trouble when the woman says Bob is doing really well you know what he hears you are not man enough when you go home and see how Khomeini is doing well that's not what he hears he has hidden you don't know shut up when you say I'm tired I am sleepy do you know what he hears I don't want sex today in fact in the evening when you say you have a headache he already knows what do you say do you want dinner this is a very serious question that is very common in the area no taco cool Alejo never ever ask your husband like that even if he told he is coming from a demeanor conference let him say no don't ask you husband whether he needs to eat what's wrong with you this is what he hears I hope you've written where you are I hope you don't disturb me don't ask about dinner fight away of Seville him or let him know you about to South food let him be seen what no I'm okay 1/2 what it takes to do it you've told him to fix water or electricity or a bob or c1 or broken stool and then he doesn't do it then f three weeks the guys are thinking about work and finally through the world I have what it takes to do it this is what he hears my assistance is not needed I'm not even needed here that's what he hears when will you be home that's a very serious question when you ask in a man this 40 years I want to control your every movement I want to monitor everything you're doing you have no space now the same thing with men what he says is not necessarily or the wife hears now when he says here is the solution the wife hears I don't care about your views Tata what incopy abilityto fania for she hears your views are not important when you say don't be so emotional she hears your feelings aren't important I don't care what you're going through when you say okay fine she hears I'm so annoyed at you right now things are not okay when you say nothing is wrong she hears you have offended me and I'm saying this because the primary reason core is communication now when he says some mother is really nice I am interested with Samantha I'm not yet done it's Amanda you look beautiful today if you have not been telling her she looks beautiful she hears I have never seen you this beautiful before you never dress right you never look good today the only day you're beautiful if you have not been saying it she might wonder who taught you to tell people they are beautiful there the question wanted us to deal with is everything the woman says exactly what she means when almond says I'm just checking on you cause she really means I want to know where you are usually with who doing what she's not just checking on you and women even listen when they pick your phone they're listening the background noise to know the environment they can be a subtly the serpent you know they're listening to the waves to know whether is a fountain there are not close to here there is no new one exactly she has no new outfit that's exactly what she means when a man says have no clothes to wear what does the man mean they are dirty they are not washed they are not ironed but when the woman says have no clothes to here is telling you please you have not bought in a new outfit what are you doing tonight when the woman sees that she means we are hanging out later tonight do you have any other business I'm your agenda I hope you have no other plan I am your plan when she gives you only one word then it's a long sentence when she just is fine those are paragraphs me I never do that that tells you she keeps doing that when omen is the one never be very suspicious she's fairly new bonita medicina so it is the safest house to retreat i never do it that guy keeps calling me good I don't know what's wrong with this guy he keeps calling me what's wrong with him other dudes want me to mm that guy keeps calling me she's not telling you how she the guy's Nagi no buidling she's telling you she still in the market but Rocco Kasich oh I wish my stomach was flutter I need to know a guy who can decode this one and some men are so foolish to say oh yeah it's quite fat now the most foolish thing to say you need a spirit of wisdom never confirmed happiness what she's saying that you're the exact opposite no your kid you're looking good honey why are you not complimenting me when she says oh you're going to sleep I doubt you stay up later we are not having sex tonight that's new so nanny I'd be a meanie wearing by the way when a woman says this please don't expect her to initiate in another way that's halibut of initiative what time are you coming home tonight are you with Jerry who are you hanging out with are you playing around with girls tonight so rather than waiting for this question what should we do as men say it earlier don't wait for that phone call what time are you coming tonight go ahead of her and tell her that are you becoming a DITA I expected to be home by 7 o clock but I'm still in Canada it's a new joint where we take coffee and I felt like sleeping on the wheel I decided coffee can keep me a lot so honey please I might take more than an hour than re applaud you will not receive this question because the question is are you droppin another girl who is on her way to Marina and then drive the Saginaw Road now does he always mean what he says I think so what do you think men always mean what they say and say what they mean don't you think so I think so ladies such a view do they always mean what they say I think so men are like the Lord or they says what they mean or the mean is what they say may i yes and amen sometimes when he says I will call you he is telling you I am busy jeepers sugary doesn't make sense man when he says I'll call you he will not call you he's just a new please avoid both are in me don't you know I'm serious business with a governor now you could pick a tuna pika normally it's annoying because there's a lot of work at home or elsewhere and most of you are working also in the marketplace and you have to go and fix dinner or other things at home but I think that what he means when he says I did minute da I didn't expect you to be upset you know what he's telling you I used so petty that's what he's telling you when he says can we talk about it later can we drop it common entry there is no later forget about it can we drop it permanently when he says you look incredible in that dress please can we go now it's time for a charge he's not like in a dress you are over dressing gather to the dressing table let's go if your husband tells you very fast you're looking good be suspicious she's just afraid she's just a colleague she's just uh niba in fact we were just sharing a seats together in the bus she steals my to-do list I have a bucket list tribe in Mount Kenya Samantha she's part of the bucket list I used a different color phone there because this is for singles the singles in our midst when someone says I don't want to ruin our friendship he's telling you I never thought of dating in the first place I'm fighting for a way to leave you without hurting you I didn't know I had made such a mistake when the month is who I didn't even notice her you're just taking a walk just trolling here and near in nairobi wherever you go I didn't even notice her you see there was no delay between my eyes and that other woman we call it ugly Oh GL from the heart although I didn't want you to catch me ugly it was so bad I didn't even see her by the way so unfortunate that you saw that you saw me the first rule of for men they deny they saw the trees they saw the vehicles no I didn't even see the lady she was in which car again this again for singles in blue you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen I think by now you should know that this is not a true statement it's not a Jenny statement that somehow we mentor made here in this life and men know it so so long as your eyes closed properly and it says it eyeball to eyeball and penetrates into your spirit you begin believing the lie and the rest is history he's telling you what can we have sex on your first date the cigarette is in our midst never beg for life why pay for what you already entitled I'll tell you a very simple thing every single woman imagines this another girl more beautiful than she is that's just a fact I want you to know this men are not necessarily attracted by beautiful women they are trotted by confident women when you are confident you are attractive your own suffrage sometimes people are we your own self-acceptance attracts people towards you so here's my message for you never play anybody's after that you know there's some guys who look for a nice date on Friday and when they don't get any date now they remember you you're normally an afterthought add value to yourself by being rare there is value in scarcity not so you pay more for diamonds and gold than for building rocks visually you a part of the shell you you are not a side hustle go for gym or for stretches like zübeyde aerobics together with other people because then you activate a defense the feel-good hormones and when you activate them you are able to attract luck to you because you are positive energy if you still for too long and you're not attracting people near you love yourself like your own company have you become addicted to a life without you don't you realize you can run out from a bad relationship you can run away from a bad boss or a bad climate but you'll never allow from yourself you're stuck with you they lay out behaved treating yourself by at home if you can develop yourself professionally by that type you can don't worry some women think if I continue to develop I'm going to be a high-flyer and get a relationship on a higher value you can use your hands you can use your legs you come out foresee ten years from now or 15 years from now sell that which can never lose value your true value comes from God there's nothing you wear that defines you there is nothing you drive that gives us significance your value comes from God one more word for the single men every time you get a woman if beneath we are born-again Holy Ghost field I want you to know this every time you invite a woman for coffee date of dinner date number one they are suspicious you want to sleep with them trust me refuse to play that link refused to play that game they already suspicious so respect yourself and pray a higher ball because that's what they expect every high nice little girls play different game altogether you don't need to be taught out to3 be the woman every meal knows how to sleep with his female counterpart it's sealed in nature no need for lessons ask the cuttin the duct and the horses no need for tutorials so raise your Studdard and the parrot at the higher giving letter no you're not good for her body you're going for full package you are looking for convergence of your hopes and aspirations and dreams you are looking for convergence of your career goals you're not just doing for the body hoping for everything when a man says look I am sorry he said I'm sick of arguing can we move on to the hot make up sex now can you get on to business to ademco vista domain our action guys women like connecting and relating through conversations you need to loosen up through play a lot of Africans don't know how to play especially women a treat you fight men playing pool I'm not talking a serious Patrick football I'm talking away for losing in a Protoss like this you can learn someone threw one hour of play then through an entire year of conversation play is the very object of the human life you don't stop playing because you got old you get old because his top plate how do you know Jim if a man ever asked you that question how do you know Jim this is a very dangerous question what does he mean have you had sex with Jim have you been intimate with Jim maybe you should think about exercising you got it if a man comes home and gives you a ticket for a gene club and tells you in green hills Neary yes a nice Jim is communicating a message not necessary you're too fat but the fat is in the wrong place there's some fat they don't made so I think I'll add in my notes you're getting fat the wrong place now that was a priya bow we want to discuss the never ideal love and our disgust you dilute three items tonight and a very fast time I want to discuss with you is result for divorce in young marriages and ii began to discuss with us is also divorce in seasoned marriages and by seasoned marriages amid those who stayed about ten years plus and then finally our discuss an item code lasting love I like to look at five reasons why sometimes young marriages below the age of five never make it yes some five reasons then I want you to think critically as a couple think through this reason number one feeling that you deserve someone else this a temptation with young couple by the time you hit ten years plus fifteen years plus you have a few sad things but this is common when you're newly married in my notes a root dissatisfaction over time will trick you into making mistakes you may add up regretting your spouse may have a lot of great qualities too only if you can get head out of the clouds and take a good look at them sometimes I we think we deserve someone else is sort of selfishness and the way to deal with it add value to your woman stock gives in admiring other women for the women in our midst don't admire what other men are doing be supportive to this man be the support that he needs adventure you get the hospital you're looking for the second reason why sometimes we add up in divorce as young couples is feeling constrained if one party feels like the marriage is holding them back from achieving their true potential be it a career option or racking up notches on the bedpost the risk divorce if you feel like you're too good to be tied down big chances are you look for every opportunity to break out of the cage when no one is looking and I can tell you a lot of women the moment you type up the couple trunks you begin link in the your husband is holding you back some in however develop all alone they don't develop together the hotwives you go back to school get a master's degree perhaps PhD and you started together as p1 teachers but you decided to develop yourself in your career all alone finally you start been attracted to people at your new level shame on you grow together develop together don't forget the foundations where you two began the bad reason why young marriages brick is lack of communication in marriage now communication isn't just about talking to each other communication is about understanding each other clearly and learning more about each other most couples talk but few communicate a relationship without good communication is a time bomb waiting to explode now communication the one thing about it is the division that it has taken place people talk feel communicate how do you know you're communicating and all the difference between talking and communication you only know you're communicated when you ask for feedback to clarify whether a party attitude exactly what you've said the same word has different meanings that the primary reason I showed you what you say and what has been hard what you say and how it's been hard how it's been interpreted are two different stories so always clarify from your partner whether they understood you be sure you are reading from the same script by asking for feedback asking for questions and by this I mean including the nonverbal cues facial expressions body gestures body language do not invalidate anyone's feelings in for example this this lady was married to him she could have started arguing you don't need a tie it's an afternoon it's Sunday isn't it but this is what he thinks is madness for him and this is what he brings his fondness for him don't fight over this unmanaged expectations in my notes unmanaged expectations are the very seabed of defeat for many marriages the next step in the greater of life we get entomology the expectations from each other and from the relationship at that times the expectations are not usual at the time we get married each person that partitions will automatically be met and I see assumptions are the termites of relationships if you sell a lie because you flushed out money that relationship the one place that to flush out every night is marriage you can act in public anemic that is fake you can fake it to the society you cannot fake it in marriage for a year even before three months marriage literally brings out who you are Mary doesn't cheat people have other all people seen this guy got married at his change no Mary doesn't take people marriage reviews people it's a plain sight who you truly are so you got into this relationship because you knew this woman or this man is wealthy you brought a lie and that expectation is cut short that marriage is in a risk if you are already in a trap you already miss Moorish and you're listening to me what you need right now is to begin managing expectations in that marriage discuss openly this is where the expected of you let's work it out from now henceforth it's never too late to be what you might have been it's never too late to get your ideal marriage the fehb reason why a lot of young marriages break is a lot of mistrust and insecurity the order you get the more you give each other space do you really trust your spouse do you find that their behavior suspicious especially when they are talking to a friend over the phone and ask this for those of you who are five years unless you keep checking a message or a horse up until you can stop showering to wash to check hotels she has just received can the milk spill over because your husband's home that was on the sitting room a messages come at you it's more important to take that message than the milk then it's a lot of mistrust at insa purity I have good news for you don't worry by the time you're 15 years you'll not be checking his phone trust is an important pillar in marriage I'll touch about it slightly after this if you can't trust your spouse you definitely can survive the marriage one major reason a lot of marriages are in a problem and we are going to see how you're going to bring a solution is because they have a homey majority of you are taught right from Sunday school sex is a prison for marriage but you did not honor it and I want to be very open with that so because you knew you're going to get married to this woman and you're going to get married to this man you decided to tear the fruit to test-drive before tying the knot of course you came to Bishop in pretense you are holy face and he did his thing he pronounced blessings over your life without realizing you are not cheating him you are cheating yourself the moment you've crossed over you both got into a relationship suspicious of each other and I'm saying this primarily because of two things one for the singles in our midst if you're here and you're single you're listening to me the number one reason why you need to avoid premarital sex it is not for the sake of a bishop is not for the sake of God it is for your own sick the things that God tells us are for our own good the moment the two of you honor that promise and cross over without getting to bed you will always be convinced that this is the man I can trust this is a woman I can trust you start your marriage on the right audition one of my favorite preachers a man of God a love and respect bishop noel jones from los angeles divorced after 22 years of marriage no marriage is be owed divorce and the reason is simple there is nothing that devil targets is not in the enemy fights than marriage because God started a marriage unit even before the church so for those of you who stayed long a marriage here the issues I want us to discuss number one on the list is infidelity and there is an order to start with that all marriage is not some all marriages are tested on this at some point the idea of infidelity almost always crops up in America at some point or the other you could fight someone else extremely interesting or you may fail yourself constantly trying to cheat Ella for the excitement or in the hope of a new ideas what matters here is figuring out whether the juice is gonna squeeze you could have gotten married without ever testing the juice I do still can fall in the trap of Affairs the simple deal is this there is only one way to avoid get into this trap be an open epistle be an open book period what do I mean by that let your wife let your husband know where you are with who you are one he/she has a right into your privacy at any given moment I'll repeat that disclose where you are what you're doing if you disclose your time and you disclose your money if you disclose your time and disclose your money you'll never have these issues we are discussing your money and how you sped reviews where your heart is your time reveals where your heart is only these two things reveal who you really are that's your life know if you're a man that you're meeting so-and-so this cause the agenda marriage was supposed to protect you from infidelity unfortunately markets also become a source of infidelity slipperier secretary sleepy the guy who delivers grocery at home sleeping even godina visiting the red districts is too cheap a standard is too low a standard sleeping with your colleague at work sleeping in your neighbor sleeping with a family Fred is foolish and intolerable granted we can't change our past there's nothing we can do about it but we can change our present and our future pacify your animalistic instincts by focusing on our human values turn your old passions by focusing on a higher standard you operated for a higher ideal be a promise skipper allow the Bible you didn't say free sexual immorality then Matt is based on a choice you have no children of feelings that's what I said we cannot condemn feelings whether you feeling hurt or code but where they Sokka mad then there's a choice in this a kamat there's a choice a human choice number two emotional fears of course emotion of yours I mean you literally haven't gone to bed together but you're flirty non-phone especially these days on social media emotional fears are the easiest to fall into and at most times you may not even realize it do you feel really comfortable with an opposite-sex colleague at your workplace and do you feel like this person really understands you and gives you the perfect advice for all your doubts or you need to feel happy and refreshed every time you have a long conversation with this Fred of the opposite sex this isn't food is this if there is an attack that you don't what you like to see you do not want your husband to see then it's a little emotion of a period it doesn't matter how innocent it is cells to you that's an affair because there must never be secrets between the two of you number three differences in sexual interests as relationships grow the sexual excitement and they are also two starts to change you see the same naked person every night you know initially when she coughed you turned your head you watched away a tight dress and she moved you but now you have seen the naked body far too many days in a row and you are then what next and that's the reason why the single girls in our meanest you must continually hide that stuff cause well she disclosed everything he has nothing else to hunt for men are created to hunt when they have nothing to hunt you'll be left all alone sex plays a pretty important part in a successful marriage walk on it and get better at it nothing happens everything is caused to happen these don't just happen you can spice up your relationship once more by working on each other look for opportunities to go out together make it as a rule every week we are going to go out for dinner together every single quota we will go for Bush drives for example in cents on one life club we take people for cruises so we are taking people from Singapore to tailored last month this August will be taking them from Southampton in England all the way to Italian back next they will be doing another one from Naples in Italy all the way to Barcelona in Spain if you like to participate please win America one one one in advance and why do we do these things the average person from central Kenya every time you get money cup lot cup lot so after you have 200 acres 2000 Iike so what next you survive leave this life looking for cup lot look for ways and means to spice up your relationship at one way is to relate with like many people people who are progressive people who in love the fourth reason why marriages can break when the seasoned your spouse doesn't excite you anymore in my notes I wrote this can happen to spouses who are not fascinated or awed by their partners it isn't just about sexual interests you may like your spouse is afraid but there is no passion when you read each other both of you just live together you need to separate lives although in the same house and have become good friends you know you're just reporting issues you know a lot of couples their communication is about issues they report how their day was not on one another they don't complement each other we are just reporting how their day was you become two wheels of a cut a roller coaster you're just business partners but you're no longer love partners and life partners why do these relationships collapse number five money money always has a way of making life better or making lifeforce they are only two extremes and no mediocre with money are you be satisfied with your spouse's onions or monetary investment this may start off as a nagging thought to begin with but unless you discussed this with your spouse you could be heading down the road of divorce over time it is almost impossible for two people to be earning the same money God's view of marriage there is no your money and my money it is our money there is no your mother and my mother-in-law it is our mother there to become one anything out of that is not marriage from God's perspective you are two people even in one homestead the Bible says we are joint heirs what does that mean everything Jesus has is mine everything I have is his there is no line that's why when you are asked to tithe or giving church the reduced is the word pay pay tithe why you don't have it in the first place is not to us then belongs to Christ but I also have good news for you he doesn't have anything it belongs to you when you went on that cross he exchanged our poverty for the riches of Abraham so everything he has is mine at everything I have is his that's what Abraham sacrificed his only son why he didn't have him in the first place Abraham listen I didn't have the boy in the first place that boy belongs to God if God tells me to give him anything I live because it's not mine that's the church that between Christ and the church there is no fifty-fifty that's the Walgreen mathematics and economics God's economics is a hundred percent so long as you're emotionally attached to money your marriage is still at risk money has become a devil the Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil first Timothy 6:10 other things that Jesus would have compared that complete with God he only picked one money you can talk to masters who comes out mammoth the god of money and serve God and the only way to show God that you don't worship money is given that the only way to show you are delivered from the god of Mammon mammoth and not just given in charge even in your family when you don't hold money emotionally when a car can have an accident and you sleep like a baby now number six relationships can part because of having abusive or controlling relationships if you are if you have ever felt like your partner's trend untrue you or to abuse you in some manner it is best to have a conversation about it at times your spouse may not even realized that they are trying to manipulate you or to control you and nobody wants to feel controlled whether it's financially where there is career-wise where there is sexual manipulation I caught it earlier on witchcraft and it was not a joke so if you feel somebody does not want to describe up the career ladder because insecure discuss with them sometimes is possible you want to develop professionally but your partner is not ready and carry them motivate them inspire them but if they are not you ready then please require them to require to allow you for the good of the family and your personal goals in life number seven priorities change they don't stay put things change changing seasons shifting tides sometimes you can fade somebody who used to be very good in evangelism ten years later the heart is no longer there you can get married to someone and after your to the same things they valued they become very relaxed see a marriage is a lifetime of togetherness and as it DeVito's our priorities in life to change with time if you want to have a successful marriage and avoid any reason for divorce learn to understand each other's priorities don't expect your partner to stay the same way forever talk to each other and help each other become better individuals and you learn to fall more and more in love with each other now buy it on the last one addictions now this may not necessarily be a major issue here I knew here we love the Lord but sometimes addictions are not necessary about cigarettes it's not just about alcohol even sex can become addictive there are people who have zero control addictions can come between two partners in a big way do you have any addictions that Buddha your spouse addictions may not affect relationships directory but you are dependent on the addictions and the weight of your life may affect your marriage but I do want to ask you looking at these eight items together with your partner which area do you think you need to work on for some of you you only need to work on one item for some of you you need to up to two or three or even more but it's possible is someone listening to me here and they need to work on the entire list now every love will be tested and love is tested by the great D every marriage is tested by the great D what is the great deal this will touch your marriage distance demands let's take our children to an expensive school every woman believes good education for children is paying more than the husband can afford so these demands keep coming these demands will test you delays what was supposed to be done was not done within your own time in you'd be tested by differences because not two people are alike you realize your preferences are not her preferences your different personalities and one of the greatest tragedies in relationships you are busy trying to take the other people you can't change anyone pray for them walk on me change me pray for your partner work on yourself pray for your partner we are doing the opposite we are busy changing our partners and trying to pray for them I suggest today those differences whose team it is these differences that attracted you together you are only together because you're very different you hardly get married to someone who's like you so those differences are there to stay you'll be tested by another D defects before you got married you D know she has a big scar or flows you didn't know this guy has some addictions you are not clear on his mother was because you are not getting married to the mother isn't it so the defects became doubt men a promise gave us not necessary promise keepers he promised a lot after some time you began to doubt his promises you realize after all there are not yes end amen fear begins to clock in your marriage and it becomes because of doubt and defects and differences and delays and demands and distance and and by the way this thing called distance you decide to work in South Sudan and your wife is in eure or your wife is working mill malady eventually physical distance creates emotional distance sometimes in marriage you have to make tough choices so why do you want to separate with your spouse why can't you sit down together and trust God to give you an idea that to keep your marriage intact you just need to have your priorities right be together don't allow distance to separate you because physical distance with time create emotional distance there's another decode defeats not everything you are going to study is going to succeed and what you have learnt with mass it over the time don't focus on perfection focus on progress don't focus on what could have happened focus on what you can do now disappointments can separate you depression can separate you this is the couples who separate because somebody fell sick or became disabled sometimes these may come through your life sicknesses you never thought possible will you still stand and finally the last day death and there's nothing much you can do about the last day lasting love makes the right choices that makes the right choices love produces feelings but love is not a feeling love is a choice you choose to love that's why it's a command I say this love is not a feeling you don't love when you feel like you love by choice the only reason I gave my life to myself not to any other guy when I look at the grounds in this hall I'm seeing exceptionally beautiful women my goodness women who can make my heart go Rasha the only reason are not making a move is not because I don't feel it is because I choose not to because love is a choice is not a feeling but it produces feelings but it's not a feeling love is a choice that's a good comets every man to love your wife as Christ loved you God cannot give a command based on a feeling it is because you can make a choice to love or not to love number three lava depths assets and liabilities some people just want the assets not the liabilities too often we focus on what we don't have rather than on what we do have everyone has uniquely designed flows Godin is unique wisdom ensured each one of you listening to me has custom-made flows none of you is perfect regrettably a lot of spouses focus on the defects of their partners in the long history of mankind no one has ever erected a statue in honor of a critic we left statutes in honor of those who encourage others now number four needs investment Latin love needs investment now any fool can fall in love it's not about falling in love is a question of staying in love only the wise can stay in love if you plan to give her flowers you know I have seen a trade in Kenya when somebody dies you couldn't buy help flowers when she was alive but you bought her cops you've ever ever planned to give her flowers give her when she's still alive why do you sell flowers over the white year to bring them during burial if there were only lifted during the funeral here's the deal do what you have to do when she can appreciate it when he can appreciate it love trusts when you don't trust people you limit them you see when somebody knows you don't throw them they've gone extra mile to prove to you that they are not trustworthy let your wife feel celebrated and honored and you look more beautiful to your eyes if I never get what you expect if you expect a bad thing you'll always get that bad thing love extent Griss we are building perfect we need to accept Greece when our putnis flows irritate us Latin love disregards other foods grace and forgiveness at the foundation of lasting love marriage is a union of two forgivers it's not always necessary to defend learn to plead for grace kinetic are our requests the men to read this word now I want to hear the Juliette Juliette read this one you know Juliet was right he's swelling by the moon that he'll always love her in basic language and Juliet is challenging I think I don't want to I don't want you to fail by the moon high the moon keeps changing we have a presense we have a quarter muna half moon if you allow will be changing like that I don't need it I need something most people like the Sun you get a message I think she was right do you think so the lady was right now I'm going to give you 14 definitions of love let's try together number one love is patience number two now this okay now let's say love is patient meaning if things are not moving as fast as you expect her to live in your own house love is patient love is kind this I'm talking to men big guy to that gal just be kind don't use harsh words because love is kind number three let's be together it does not envy that means if you see him talking with another woman don't make judgments - first love is not jealous love is secure it's not envy and because it is kind you will first find out why he's talking with her before you make judgment love is number four love does not boast doesn't keep him mighty knew how far I have got a new firm by my power by my money no that's not love love is not boast it is not proud love number five does not dishonor Alice in other words it owners own as a big word is build respect it is adoring and the Bible does allow us to honor one another number six even in small things in the house for the women in our minute don't sell yourself fool before you serve your husband it is not so seeking husbands attend to her needs first before you are Ted to us you're always struggling and straining to meet the needs of the other party fast that's what love is number seven why there will be circumstances for you to be angry but in the Bible Inga has a time limit do not let the Sun go down when you're still angry but if you are easily angered as nobody in here has a higher chance to survive than your marriage because a marriage is the union of two forgive us nothing destroys marriage then Inga egg accounts because of selfishness and failure to communicate you always think you're right and then a part is wrong love is not easily angered in fact love sees you're better than I how this same might that was in Christ Jesus that although he was God he did not count it robbery to be equal with God but he regarded himself not to be counted equally the Father although the Bible tells us they are one then pause writes consider others better than yourself and he gives the comparison of Christ it keeps no record of wrongs I don't know whether when I come to your desktop your laptop I'm going to meet a folder of the date and the hour of what he did to you we may not retain this records than men it's okay to write when you're angry to vent out write everything you feel like telling him once the themes go down delete that document love keeps no record of wrongs number nine love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth sin regio to tangu qey no it delights with truth together let's read number 10 how many time does it protect always you hear somebody telling you your husband is moving out be the first one to denied even when you do not know the truth about them you told them to be you a spice protect your marriage details later you have not assigned anyone to be a watchdog and the word here is always in board let's read together always trust even when you don't feel like always trust together always hopes always together always persevere finally love never fails by the way this is not my discovery this is not my definition who can tell where I got it from first Corinthians 13 now what is love then if love does not feel if it always protects what is love I read a scripture that confused me josè everyone I've never understood why God would advise anyone such a thing bring her back even though she's adulterous how can you have such a person another question I ask how can one love like this is it possible what does it really mean love never fails now I thought the answer whoever does not love does not know God because God is love now how could I scan I see love never fuse who can answer me because God never feels that the answer God never fails and God is love so love never fails it's impossible to love when you're not in God we had given many attributes of God but one is unique it says who he is he is love I'll take God there is no love as we all know and rely on the love of God for us God is love whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him this is again a direct citation from scriptures the truth sets free thank you [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Dr. K. N. Jacob

Views: 370,275

Rating: 4.7981768 out of 5

Keywords: best marriage advice, best marriage tips, best conference speaker, most ispirational speaker, most sourced speaker, most annointed speaker, best relationship speaker, best speaker in Africa, best speaker in the world

Id: 4XlpzOoqBuY

Length: 66min 33sec (3993 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 25 2018