Being a PSYCHOPATH in Baldur's Gate 3 - Act: 1

foreign what more is a journey but a series of steps taken with a predefined outcome either way one of Endless Possibilities yet still predefined your curiosity Peaks as you know that most Jews honor glory wealth perhaps maybe humility or growth but this journey this morally ambiguous path is one that you will have not seen nor will see repeated for the rest of time as it is mine to show you as although Millions have emerged from the same problem that is where the similarities perish and early death and where only one truth remains and how is it that within the blackened ocean deep and dark is a moonless night what may frighten some have fear themselves a notion without proof yet still the reaper lurks waiting starving and I go by one leg [Music] My Story begins like everyone else's but better because I have intentions before anyone else has even had a thought regardless of having a typical Canadian Beach leech jammed in my eye like a dry contact lens that moves with teeth my objective was clear go forwards and let whatever happens happen the blood in your head whoa who's that pounding blood obscures Who You Are an overwhelming loss of memory how you ended up amidst these hellish Flames is just as hidden you have nothing in your skull besides your name and a headache you are in danger why that voice in my head would prove useful I'm sure so I cursed the name of that Squidward looking sorry excuse for a flight attendant the torturer behind this cruel prank will meet your malice when you get out of here killing now that sounds like your first good idea yes I like this voice I would interact with it often is the pool that thing came from the parasite now Rising behind your eye so obviously I immediately touched it without regard for my personal well-being interesting well anyways I entered the anus of the ship and proceeded to get lost wandering around wondering what else I could touch and that's when I came across someone with their brain sticky notes save us save us from this place you'll free us well what do you want remove us from this body and so I gently broke his skull and removed his brain the brain lifts from the skull is an opportunity you could the strange creature making it more subservient should it prove a threat however not knowing whether this brain was capable of murder I recall the classic torture tactic Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jam your finger into the brain to remove his attack knowledge and just like that his brain for possibly the first time was capable of thinking in the form of a Pit Bull or something of freedom is ours so obviously I attacked you we are us we must survive and I chase that brain dog but unfortunately due to humans not having the agility of a brain with four legs I had to take the elevator during our Chase and I lost the thing my rage was untethered and then I found out I was in England but unbeknownst to me one of the locals suddenly left over me in a weld choreographed sequence involving a dragon this is this is my end she threatened me like I didn't just a brain dog without Mercy teen Visions rushed past a dragon swing a silver sword and a and a flash of your face seen through the strange woman's eyes what is this [Music] blesses me this day together might survive that's super ironic that you think that first we exterminate the news then we find the helmet take control of the sheep taking control of the ship was exactly what I needed and although these imps rose up to a tank they failed to notice one thing the only thing I'd eaten all day was that worm and that was through my eye and so we slaughtered these Abominations and proceeded to loot them for edible parts I touched some random hanging tentacles and then headed further up into the sphincter of the ship until I found a computer and so I touched everything knowing that was my purpose it immediately killed two winners squishy so I just kept pressing them then I touched some more tentacles and found someone trapped in a pond just as I was unfortunately for them their computer was running dos the console appears dolmund so I hid it nothing nothing the console remains dormant yeah well I tried however brain dog was back and I was Furious for no reason one of my most dangerous states we quite literally beat the cells out of these things and then looted them for tissues and then I went back to laugh at the lady in the Tomb I your wear last leg over here caution nearing the hell once inside do as I say and so I did it I did however find a lady stuck in a piece woman is trapped inside the pod she doesn't notice you and in my attempt to find a way to get her out I did so I proceeded to just leave her there and make my way out of the ship I looted a random chest of goods and finally made my way to the Helm of the ship and there I finally sought Squidward walked in combat with some sort of local politician and although the beasts ate their brains for some reason they found themselves starving so they turned to us but then the imps decided to third party this fight to pick off this guy before he could bring his Squad back to a respawn Point interestingly enough this squid spoke to me as if I was in submission to it [Music] we lost a state no and so not wanting to waste a minute more on this rust bucket while there were still people living below us the fight rage done g'day simply Waltz past everyone hurry before they strike Let The Shield die and then finally reach the ship's controls however when I played with the Forbidden Lego Skyrim showed up to light everything on flight regardless the ship was already in teleport sequence and vanished into none other than the Aurora Borealis but the anti-gravity one and so once again I grabbed the Venus Fly squid and warped us right into well someone's backyard I'm assuming everything was not going all right I wasn't able to balance myself on the 90 degree angle the ship was turning itself into and as I lay waiting for the crash I knew exactly what to say to him you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] foreign I realized something was strange perfect I used to return once you were free of the Mind flayer ship past is still an aching void I found myself on what seemed to be a public beach in California immediately coming across a body with two gold baby agent corpse since you awoke on the ship your mind has been cold and empty but with your hands close to this body you know nothing of why but you find a half smile flittering across your face that that grin that wasn't even an option this feels like home there is something unknown and unspeakable deep within your heart I started fishing for food and by fishing I meant stealing all the fish I could from the locals came across a boring love letter that had the name of a woman that's all I needed and then I came across a live woman forever she was banging on a door with a mace so I figured I'd invite this brute to be my next meat Shield stop none another stepper up wait it's you I saw you on the ship anger resolve you you've got the same thing I do in your head yes it's called a brain these things are going to consume us from the inside and turn us into mind flayers okay you're just a crazy lady we host that well I could conspiracy theory so I ditched him likewise and then after trying to burst down the door with warlock magic it didn't work so I decided to head down the long road around the sand trees grass giant alien spacecraft the usual and fought a bunch of brain dogs who survived my crash and then I touch something weird after finding Footprints which meant victims I found myself at some kind of inter-dimensional donut the French the sigil stand magic Glitters and swirls vomit erratically as functioning oh I've touched everything so far Why Stop Now but the bugger of a portal sent me it would surely pay for this crime against me and lo and behold it's hand a hand anyone blood payment came sooner than expected and I was already writing the check for onto flash is begging to be pruned assumpt from I couldn't agree more of his voice in my head my mistress either dreams cross the threshold of your imagination you snap back to realize they have all come true Joy floods through you your days on the nautiloid but now you are truly awake alive like a tragic drive-through experience I was satisfied with my order and with that I headed further down the path not long coming across literal sheep people people zoru was right yellow was a toad they were yelling at some weird deranged creature in a cage I'm assuming what sheep will eat as I would and if it escapes how will you oh a guest your skull pounds in response to the prisoner's white hop stare I pondered shooting down the cage just to humor the situation and I convinced myself of it not to mention convincing these simple-minded buffoons to be the ones to release the creature who if nice I would use as a pack mule on my quest radio blade one chance not nice so tomorrow's lunch after a short easy fight last Lego was dead and I had her thing finally now come we have a blast to investigate but wait tell me where you people live I I need healing Northwest look for Nettie whatever your wound she can mend it Nettie sounded like a fine addition to my growing collection of names but first I serenaded the shio to Christen her pathetic death I assumed I was heading north towards whatever I may find laying in the wake of this dead forsaken landscape of a deserted moss and of course I came across a bundle of humans trying to get inside some kind of public dunk nobody gets in sevlar's orders the pack of goblins will be honest any second what's going on goblins are on our tail Juliet goblins here where is The Druids they cried of goblins like a bunch of babies so if I were to joined this fight I would certainly let them die and sure enough the Goblins approached the humans to fight them not me I was just observing the Sheep will Panic to open the door but instead the Goblins just did my job for me everyone was freaking out chaos was everywhere and I was in love with all of it and then Zorro jumped in from nowhere and finally got to use a line that he's been rehearsing all day and suffering sting and with that a large fight broke out right in front of the main gate since those pathetic weakling sheeple couldn't make the effort to open them every fiber of my being wanted to direct blows at the humans however I wanted to make my murderous intentions look like a bloody accident therefore I took aim at all those that weren't the most efficient goblins and zaro was over there in his own little world pretending like maybe he was worth something in this fight but in the end I let him keep fighting One Singular Goblin just to make him feel like he was contributing and finally after all the humans were eviscerated I finished off the final giant porcupine and concluded this fight in the only way possible or never mind there was one guy left [Music] so they got like 500 people to open the gate all the cowards ran inside while I took my dear sweet time looting all the beautiful carcasses on the battlefield and then I discovered that this wasn't a city at all it was a dump didn't make it pity but he might have got more of my people killed if not for you sir I am the only reason everyone outside is dead now pay me then you'll have better luck looting the Goblins outside but we'll be slaughtered if we leave we are no Fighters yes that was made very clear if you'll excuse me I'd best get my people moving well it sounded like these people would definitely die sooner than later so why not sooner I started to devise a plan so as I headed deeper into the travesty of what these idiots call a home I finally came across a vendor refugees adventurers no one in years and suddenly we're overwhelmed just some bits and Bobs are no longer need bits and Bobs more like crap and garbage this guy had one use in his pathetic life and that was to buy my useless trash but then I realized I could sell his useless trash too if I had it and so I plotted a plan unfortunately these losers over here were standing around looking with their eyes I meandered on over to them we just leave the kin can we all just take a moment please what's the point in blazing spells that we don't bloody use them we should stay these people aren't Fighters couldn't care less about what they were talking about and then convince them to abandon their homes people families and run away in selfish adoration for only themselves common sense at last let's get out of this death trap they sneak away like God's damned cowards and they agree but if something happens to it's on us and excuse me don't you dare take credit that doesn't belong to you regardless this vendor was now oblivious and unwatched and I went right through the pocket sis and more specifically a nice pair of gloves I found most attractive with this still staring at a rock I slinked away up a nearby Hill however they say that The Hills Have Eyes which meant Witnesses therefore there was only one way to deal with the situation stealth annihilating the vendor I mean it doesn't really deal with the whole witness situation but at least I felt a bit better and I looted him for What Little this poor slob had and finally headed downtown unfortunately crossing paths again with what are you doing here are you following me he hastily tucks away an ornate box now I wanted that box whether it or not and there was only one way to go about getting it first by degrading her importance to me survival is the Crux of it for now but what you really need what both of us need that's it you're coming with me you look like a better choice than a band of helpless refugees call me shadowhunt nope not calling you that you're Petty princess let's go lead the way and with that I had acquired myself a live Human companion to throw at enemies if I ever needed a breather but of course drama she's a thief hell spawn and you will wait for Kroger's judgment now get back the leaf people summoned the fair which was hilarious because I like those on fire anyways I marched to their sacred area but these twig-wearing Tree Huggers stop me Carl macron give her a chance you get back obviously I ignored them and then their dumb bear breathed on me another step and macrame will tell you open like a sack of grain honestly I'd love to see that just in general but I was way too busy for the likes of these morsels came back a moment giona and like that fate intervened and some dude wearing the Assassin's gun showed up to trust the strangers apparently Corker wants to see you go ahead of course he does everyone does No One Believes I'm real and so I walked past a bunch of people ordering wine from a fancy restaurant and marched straight into the most sacred of Chambers the bathroom of this place I'm assuming and as I made my way in I heard a Canadian crying out I'm sorry oh I could tell this was gonna be easy a child a thief a kid a poison bread a fret a young lady and I will cast out every stranger and fight you have milk bad poison before yup only milk I ever have with my cereal a single drop of it could kill that child in a heartbeat now ain't that a fun fact of the day wrath look her up remains here until the right is complete come cooker we took back the idol surely do it should the child struggle it is poised to strike the death of a child Timeless tragedy that never grows old a tragedy perhaps but an activity always however I got dust in my eyes but the child for some reason took that as a signal to book it for the exit and with that the child decided that she had better chances with the snake than she would with the Fallout I could bring to this ho dung garbage City smart girl and like every perfectly executed plan I managed to maintain a level of discretion as to pin the blame directly on someone else gone by the gods call girl what have you done I put on my oh no face real quick and that fooled everything you knew the right and the parents yeah I'll tell them they're just outside this Outsider will take word once I've spoken to her perfect I've been practicing violin in my stand-up comedy get well soon jokes this should be a hit with the folks around these parts but first I confronted the crazy lady to tell her I'm better than she is monsters both then Viper to Viper she threatened the hierarchy of me so I reached for my weapon but keep talking nothing to be gained in picking a fight with a fanatic you know Petty princess was right her time would come soon enough out of the Grove I'm sure they reward you well they're to be gone before final prayer if they are not the Viper strike but that leaves you Tree Huggers alive that's not gonna do then they soon know the sting of my Venom well I had a choice to make but obviously first I attempted to loot the kid for V bucks Keep Your Hands to Yourself however the crazy lady also wanted to loot so I had to be patient and with that I found myself in the Druid Chambers and there they were servicing some kind of winged wreck the bird's eyes are glossy it's breathing weak there was no time to waste if I wanted to claim this kill I needed to act fast tearing you play with the broken tissue delicately hair I realized Red Bull does not give you wings birds do you wonder what it would be like to fly as the birds do it's true Mrs brain I do poor thing she falls as hard as she could it's the best any of us can do I suppose ma'am I Ripped Her Wings off with my bare hands what was it you needed healing a judging by your inability to mend that bird I doubt you're it I do what I like for most folks that's enough unless they're about to become Witnesses yeah something went in my eye crawled in some sort of both no like a cat or something wait wait ma'am you couldn't handle my worst nightmares I'll do what I can come follow me I followed the clearly incapable lady into a large garage filled with more garbage you don't have to be here for this no stay I'd rather know exactly what you're up to good I want my companions to know exactly who I am but the clocks were burning and I was done with the Pleasants first things first tell me have you noticed anything unusual yeah I'm staring at her get with the drugs no you're not you're stalling to Hills with it what you pull a thistle on me well obviously I needed to defend myself and to do that I needed to attack first and then the freak turn into like an aardvark or something embarrassing like that well her terrible Druid Powers sucked so bad I was able to kill her right back to normal I guess in a way I am the human yeah but she literally did well I looted her for parchments of paper and a tiara alluded this dead guy on a table and then proceeded to steal all their ancient knowledge that I would later sell to the highest bidder The Tiara ended up being a key to the doors and was freshly murdering someone I figured I'd just slip out the back of course into a massive horde of goblins now there was an attempt to sneak up on them but apparently this princess was so noisy I could hardly hear my dark Earth show up to save Detroit pieces now that had me thinking Goblin chunks delicious or too gaming I wasn't entirely sure but I knew that if I cooked them just right it could work yet like all good meals these ones were fighting back pathetically into the same extent as the child fought the snake but still fighting back finally after cleaning up the mess of these goblins existing we came across an injured Goblin but like different or something he doesn't respond to your voice well when someone is this close to death there's still a chance I commanded princess to heal the man and through the miracle of whatever magic that was he lived oh thank you thank you so I was gonna die down here please at the hands of anybody but me no Yes actually and so whoever this was put up more of a fight than all those goblins combined the best kinds of fight are the ones where they're fighting for the life I just gave them a chance to live for but of course never good enough so I took his TR and ditched this cave I was sick of all this beating around the bush almost a day had passed since that ship crashed and still no genocide well whoever this was her energy was exhausting and she needed to die so I mudged on in to witness a couple of cowards pretending to threaten the Goblin so I kind of egged the guard on a bit to shoot the creature doesn't even matter if you kill me I'm chosen but enough jokes it was time to get a ball rolling here but first things first most parents deserve to know what happened before the war that I would create unless you have news of Arabella I don't want to hear it I told her that crazy lady killed her with her bare hands and then called her a parasite you have no idea lady oh yeah let that out let that fuel you you're gonna need that for later so to ruin the Druid morale I ran back to their bathrooms and convinced this guy that he doesn't deserve Mercy you may be right we've let a snake replace our leader an insinuated violence at my earliest convenience this is how a terrible cycle begins all is out of balance and with that I marched over the Fighter's Barracks to meet with the sheeples Warriors go on give me a Best Shot bad I can't do it I'm not like you I don't need you to be like me you just have to buy enough time to run buy time to run what is that kid gonna be hanging back he's doomed ignore her Umi going now the blade of Frontiers at yours the man's smile bends downward and his thoughts become your hell's great fires you were on the ship guy I was the pilot of that you see the fiend again and ignite with Will's ranker it's an infernal War devil a threat to the living oh evil incarnate you saw her avocados diaboli advocates diaboli Devil's Advocate I don't kill her she'll leave behind nothing but a trail of corpses hmm with that thought I asked the guy to join my club I like your thinking so I talked with another fight guy I saw you at the gates fight well yeah better than you few words for the kids spare a story or two hey kids guess what you're all gonna die yup just let that sink in thanks listeners have fun so I talked to one of the punks you think you think of enough to defend ourselves I've been shut up nerd get back to making tick tocks for that gen B looking haircut well I explored this garbage heave one last time before heading to have a little chat with the leader of the sheeple I've already heard Arabella nine Summers old and now she'll never see another every natural law demands I take up my sword storm their Laird but no that's what kogo wants yeah but I'm not a you looking fella and I have no moral compass do not be so sure korga won't spare you either well yeah it's lame if they show mercy so long as Koga leads them we'll never be safe here if you're suggesting we remove her well looks like your people gave you the clan brain today huh I thought I might have dismissed before Arabella we'd have to get close to Korger within Striking Distance I can't manage that but they've already let you pass once yes and in that one time I killed a child but I want money pay you'll get your coin well with the thought of coin brimming in my parasite infested mind I made haste to begin whatever would come next I said hi to the first vendor and made my way to the second most popular vendors oh um I I don't have any money or anything to sell my partner does that I'm the god so don't steal anything I'm watching you hmm he proved to be a threat hold out your hand lady let me show you something it made me laugh such pathetic magic Take This Ring it's lucky so I snatched the ring out of his frail hands heads or tails and instead of playing as dumb games I pocketed the thing play stupid games Win stupid prizes you punk fine keep it call it a sample yeah but you gotta at least look at the other Rings okay I gotta eat just eat grass you sheep you'll be sorry about this scab count on it not as sorry as your parents will be for having you and with that I had it onwards to create a bit of drama myself I gave the crazy lady one final chance but wait I have no more need of you huh I was gonna say the same thing so I wandered back into her bedroom and positioned myself perfectly to barely see her through this pathetic window and then before she could even react the fight had begun all of the other tree huggers ran in Terror of me instantly targeting their boss smart dumb people as the crazy lady tried her darndest to aggravate assaults upon me our new Fellowship of mindless zombies to my bidding spot for me allowing the fight to actually have some meat to it her pathetic attempts to do things like live were done so in vain and in the end she failed at doing it miserable unfortunately I took the brunt of the damage during the fight but after being held up I took all the loot for myself we meandered around the halls looking for anything useful but all the cowards fled at the sight of my magic they were gone nowhere to be found so we decided the best course of action was now just to head back outside to the Grove and make everything look like an accident but there was no one down here which meant only one thing without wanting to miss the fight we were rushed up to the main Homestead where clearly things had already gotten out of control thanks to me as we ran San polluted our way down the streets we all of a sudden stumbled across the very thing I predicted a mess of sheeple versus tree hugger cage match and let me tell you I was not gonna miss out on whatever was going down there however they did put out their weakest Warriors to guard the door so naturally I had to deal with those losers before the true Slaughter could commence all the while one thing brimmed in my head the fact that did you know that teeth are the only part of the body that cannot regenerate themselves since they are not made of live tissue they are coated in enamel meaning that they do not have the same regenerative qualities as the rest of your body does well anyways everyone was dead except a couple of stragglers that wouldn't be too hard to clean up I went on inside the bloodbath they had drawn for me but as I began to loot their sorry carcasses one of them noticed Keep Your Hands to Yourself well unfortunately for them they were already in the room of sacrifice not like someone could tell if I did this it was the druid's fault meaning I now got to absolutely loot this place from top to bottom anything of sentimental value or just value to me was now in my possession and no goodie two shoes sheep would stand in my way of becoming reasonably paid from a living vendor which I would now need to find one but all I found was a remaining victim you stood by us I thought you might glad I was right well we can't ever Miss know it all over here egoing up the place he ran quickly and I pursued her hoping to keep secret my murderous Rampage you can't create Wars between people if they know it was a third party but all I came across was some sleeping person so I shattered every boat in their body looted their house and returned to find ego lady was back so without hesitation the aggression has won you no friends please I have all the friends I need and they burrow in my brain and with that my little bit of genocide quenched my temporary thirst but soon I would have to urinate and move on to the next drink so I made with great haste towards who knows where dead goblins dead Travelers but when I found a bunch of dead goblins and innocent people lying in pools of their own blood this I knew for sure this is where we would camp for the night but as I rested by my fire alone the way I like it this hideous thing reared up camp and hogma willing friendly faces well met goblins wrap me up and stole my hose when they heard me singing hatchling love well agma was not willing I told her to get out of my Camp because she was a weekly but ah they have worked for years on my music so fine you don't see me show boating for free rides but she seems such a delight let her stay at least for the night will shut up or I'm gonna pronounce your name with an i instead of a y please it would mean so much to me no get out of your leech fine if I must and I don't have so much as a Cry Me a River and then drown in it and just like that she disappeared Into the Night Never to be seen again so I inhaled 15 round chickens three whole onions and a live salmon and then a carrot to help me sleep but alas you open your eyes with a lurch you are not in your bed you stand above a body which is in a state of Gore nearly beyond recognition the body of that scared girl who asked for nothing more than a night of shelter her blood covers you and its warmth feels like the Embrace of an old friend you recall nothing of how you ended up here your head pounds and aches couldn't have said it better Mrs internal thoughts well knowing I should probably look for evidence that ties back to me there are dozens and dozens of wounds on the corpse the killer did not stop savaging it even when she was long gone until dominant arm aches it aches from stabbing over and over no matter how it appears the body is there and her blood is on your hands I needed a moment to truly take in this glorious sight if you could craft a corpse like this in one night what masterpieces have you sculpted in your forgotten decades you don't have much time for a reflection now you need to act you may only have a few moments before the others awaken and begin to cast blame for the hot sin before you you're right I need to try to hide this body this guy failed miserably at that guts start to Spill and flow everywhere as you shift her well time for bed you wonder if you're misdeed noticed eh probably not I wonder how it happened uh it must have been the wind the body hasn't even cooled yet we need to stay alert your guilt is safe for now as the Inquisition departs you are left alone with a familiar headache so I popped an Advil and reminisce on my fortune [Laughter] and with that we made for the highway front his toughest kill after that eventful night we approached an actual town but of course get over there it's around him like you spoiled us good it's like they say no funny skewered a pig what doesn't know he's cooked oh likewise and like that the fight had kind of begun however they had not really seen me at all only my companions so I snuck around back to find their leader and eviscerated her from existence in front of her entire Clan well the goblin Clan freaked out and immediately killed will which was fine because his role is bait and as the Goblins attempted to hurt us it was futile as they conveniently placed ladders all around for me to climb and then practice my barbecue even their long-range attackers couldn't outrange me and with every second that passed more blood was shed on this pathetic wannabe Battlefield my final victim hid inside a house but lucky for me this place had one of them fancy sunroofs we headed back for will who was on purpose sleeping on the job and proceeded to meet with the local Goblin leader you sniffing well you ain't ought to be friend might have to take that nose who I attempted to scare into submission with nothing but a deadpan glare you feel Satan The Lads were gathered by the windmill seated in fear and stated with information with that we looted their garbage and headed to the windmill however needed princess wanted a word it's infection comes so I told her don't be a big baby you baby so long as it does indeed benefit us and then on to the windmill [Music] another little birdie wanting to fly no thank you already tried that didn't work you got a stomach for rights no but I do have a stomach for goblins bloody look like we're teaching this here pipsqueak to fly I asked if I could watch with them as it was entertaining we ain't looking for company maggot no unless you want to join him up there stop it up the mom glows but you feel nothing in response your lipid power is beyond reach until you rest unfortunately for them I could only pay them with blood money and their own to be specific s careful let's get this poor man down alive shut up will we fight and with that the great battle of the goblin windmill had begun and because goblins are worth no more to me than Vermin such as rats or cockroaches or humans I would not show them Mercy nor include Kayla's deaths every attack was done with the intention of causing insane amounts of pain and suffering but without immediate execution as they failed to provide me with entertainment before now they would make amends with their own bodies sadly the fight ended way too quickly and I was unsatisfied so we looted up the area and wandered back into the windmill to find two random levers I just started by pulling one and it so happens that it slowed the thing down giving this guy tied to it a chance to beg for his life free me and find out and so I freed him from his bondage to the window with that we made our way past the village in onwards finding a nice little innocent house to Camp outside in front of for the night but as I consumed my nightly snack of 27 pears nine cucumbers four bottles of meat and three whole cheese meals something unsettled me tonight you can't chase the thoughts of that poor girl you killed from your head you wonder what she looked like as she died skew it an abject Agony Miss intrusive thoughts had a point it was a truly remarkable and beautiful sight you would have given anything to have seen it as you jolt awake too many questions plagued you like who was the actor of Mr Howell in Gilligan's Island and with that in mind I went for a little straw when the proud deed of her death was yours why do you have no recollection of it but as I stood pondering the unthinkable happened I found a movie critic today I have found your vile self at last it has fell you're loyal and ever adoring Butler I followed you my dear rotted Master we have been parted so tragically long although some might have had a million questions I had but one statement it's about time I got this respect my loudly retrobate I missed you ever so I found you following the stench of that bard she reeked across the coast like it was a dog mark on the road it was absolute Bliss to kill her in front of everyone huh it seems you've you've been quite the exhibitionist without me I can only congratulate you on your indecency yeah and don't you ever forget it anyways I come once again bearing a part of your Dreadful inheritance showered with respect for murder and gifts this was a good night you earned this iniquitous prize through your great show of exceptional violence the other night I'm sure Master will be better soon a fellow of your fine breeding is never down for long I cannot wait until your next Act of Shameless barbarity and neither could I this was the perfect opportunity to gain from others loss would be hard to improve upon what you have already done I am a great admirer of what you did to the birds left karate artery but I am certain inspiration will strike strike be true to yourself my lady and with the knowledge I now had the dark urge within me only grew stronger well we woke up ready for the journey onwards not quite sure what to expect yeah that seems about right what the hell is it you're doing to not prolong the situation I decided that killing them both was probably the best course of action for intercourse I immediately burned the werewolf to death but the shioger was a tad bit more persistent than I was hoping for will seemed to take the brunt of the damage and that ended up in him being dramatic and on the ground however after but a few more attacks the ogre fell awkwardness averted and immediately I noticed something shiny up on the hill it for an ogre notice Julia dag protruding from the top but before Miss internal thoughts could finish I was already getting my grubby hands all over the blade the target Glides smoothly out of the mystery me and I had myself a brand new razor but of course only milliseconds after interrupting some kind of honeymoon I was interrupted by some kind of honeyed words man my my what manner of place is this the mouse smiled brightly it out Fox to the cat then down came the claw and and that love was that I told him that was dumb and he should feel bad ah it looks like a human but it speaks like a beast come that wasn't even a rhyme I found myself in a big Corridor of sorts a table with food in the center nothing I would dare eat and it live somewhere I immediately threatened him no need for that crude cut ake enjoy your supper after all it might just be your last well at least I could you know sell some of this food to poor people or something not easily rattled I see good but like always the nursery Rhymer turned out to be some kind of devil typical am I a friend potentially an adversary deceivably my next meal indubitably my aunt you a nervous one one skull two tenants and no solution in sight I could fix it all like that then fix it or die clocks tick in here yes I like it when my clients put up a fight beg borrow and steal exhaust every possibility until none he reads it on and on about how great he is and how much I needed him assuming I think things like stealing and murdering Our Last Resort until finally he shut up I'll be there when it runs out what runs out oh I wasn't listening I yeah well you know what probably you'll never see him again with that we found our way into a gully and then a large open Cavern surely with no dangers inside and luckily for us there was absolutely nothing dangerous here except for an hour its beaked face looming out of the darkness I commanded will to study the Beast which he did out of fear of what I'm capable of if he failed the owl there's one good eye flicks away for a moment follow its glance and see an owl bear cub also known as dinner and so we beat the ever living tar out of the owl bear using every dirty trick in the book to not only be loud and obnoxious but also terrifying and driven by pain the Cub embarrassingly swiped at me to no avail moments before its mother perished in a flurry of knives looks from you to his dead mother yes I did this single strike will end his suffering but was I truly heartless enough to and so we exited the cave with our full backpacks of fresh owl bear meat now moments after our bearable fight we came across more pathetic morsels humans crying about something you could stay with us they're always crying and I ignored their pleas and I told them I do what I want and that they would listen I'm so so sorry it's our brother true Soul Edwin he's injured didn't I something stirs deep within you hungry and alert it's taking something you'll never get back mine the true soul she will see now this son of a gun tried to condemn me with his dying breath and I smiled at his failure of an attack juvenile please he's with the absolute now huh that's ironic because that's exactly who you both are about to meet what what are you doing your sword brother now and with that I sent these perfectly healthy siblings to meet their brother ahead of schedule time is a funny thing as you never know when yours might run out according to someone else then there was only one thing left to do one of my favorite activities desecrating corpses nice corpses feel like toys before you have to be played with it very true Mrs intrusive thoughts in my head different a friend calls out from the corpse desperate to be freed why let its host's memories go to waste with her suggestion I gently snapped his spinal cord from his neck down removing but a wee little worm for my collection foreign we headed deeper into the unknown as our course was still not exactly straightforward as we made our way for the swamp I picked up the scent of a decaying man 200 feet along the way as we approached it there was a silky white dog standing guard of its presumed to be Master the dog aggressively yelled at me so I stood tall and screamed back at it to stand down with a deep heart broken wine the dog bows his head always submit to my authority so we looted the loser and ditched the dog finally our path had led us to two important things honey and random hallucinogenic mushrooms or so I was hoping and second people to take advantage of the clapped eyes on your poor ster just just you there please I don't know what's come over these boys I just want to go home shut it granny not my problems was supposed to rush to my defense law of God you are well my immediate shutdown of the granny ended in the brain melding of two fully grown men valiantly but foolishly looking for their sister you ever darken my door you'd best have that hate about and an apology at the ready bye bye now and with that she goofed off into the swamp somewhere probably living in some run-down wannabe house built in a tree but as we approached the forest chill runs up your spine you feel like you're being watched you blink and the Wilderness changes one stinking and Insidious assaults your senses since the swamp just assaulted me I would now have to return the favor but with more Bloodshed but all I came across were sheep people 2.0 racist and sheep to elicit a response and we left the swamp for now with word of a local sanctum being attacked and on our way to that sanctum we came across yet another Goblin encampment thick out this is off limits get to the main gate or I'll plug you full of arrows well that was an interesting way to say we're going to die mercilessly by your hands including but not limited to getting pushed off a cliff blasted by psionic beams Blended in a blade flurry of knives Eldritch blasting electric chair but without the chair and other combat commonalities and so that is exactly what we did and the Goblins perished like good inferior beams before me should so we looted their corpses and finally made way the wrong way to the mountain pass which was guarded by a purple Dome of psychic energy capable to bring a grown-ass psychopath to their knees the voice is irresistible you recognize the overwhelming Authority that you've used on others your Visions leaving you in a dark each other's Shadow Escape then there are three figures before you an armored male elf exuding power and command handsome younger man with a quick easy smile with even paler eyes but then as soon as the vision was getting good princess whipped out a Rubik's Cube hex Edition and dispelled all the magic from consuming everything wait is she talking about me well no matter the Rubik's Cube was no longer a secret don't give me that look I don't know hey you shut your mouth when you're talking to me and so I commanded her to tell me everything I am a servant of Shah my home is a secret Cloister in Boulder's Gate I have to guard the artifact with my life there you have the truth for all it's worth all right now me now mean Truth or Dare well unfortunately Truth or Dare would have to wait as we had finally arrived at the sanctum or something rather where they had some kind of Jester seeing in old show tunes on a stage [Music] get off the stage not what are you doing trying to get you fired straw relaxing we pray we come on picking back to your cage ah look what you've done yeah I saved open mic night well this all seemed great a whole Goblin Festival where I wasn't being immediately attacked on site regardless I'm sure something of use was within the castle but before we could ain't no pie in here so I broke the weakling's thoughts and rather successfully my head can't be here to see the true Souls those types don't even bother to wait and then I used their own thoughts against her well I didn't say that silence I'm going in well big boots here as an appointment withdraw ragsley in his self throne rooms at the back is commune in mind it's a step soft and so we made our way back deeper and deeper into the Dank dark ruins of the church watch the guy get Spartan kicked into a herd of spiders and finally went absolutely the wrong direction and ended up in the chambers of some incredibly angry elf lady who was very angry he has not returned and half of The Intruders escaped your guards sorry mistress we mocked up until their century found take some sums from you every hour that passes trinket a tongue a limb I know you should have melons mingle with yours yours a cold hand caressing your brain the chamber melts away to reveal a dark endless nowhere praise be are you here to join my hunt absolutely but little did she know she was the one being hunting interesting what do you know of this I had no idea so I lied to her if you were sent here to hunt him perhaps you can Cooks is home Sanctuary where his followers worship a false god I intend to find it and destroy it oh she doesn't know that I pinned the tree huggers versus the sheeple in committed Mass genocide meaning that if I played my cards right I could convince her to go there leaving this place unguarded for the taking my patience was thin the hunt must begin then be gone she elf seek out the glory or whatever you played a part in thinning their numbers I commend your efforts together we will Slaughter any Who Remain ironically that would be none in a defensive under so I quickly ran sanctor office of anything worth selling and then rushed off to the door to witness her Gathering up the troops together we ran towards the door ready to head to the Grove but as she ran off I stopped and headed in the completely opposite direction you see as she left to The Grove I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of an immediate attack no I went off in search of ruining everybody else's lives in the meantime so naturally I slaughtered a band of naked mole rats or something on the highway and ended up approaching a large abandoned hotel in the middle of nowhere but instead of wasting money and staying at the hotel I just set up camp outside but that night as I laid me down to sleep I tossed and I turned and I awoke to a figure above me performing some sort of incantation and awoke me with a start I came just in time it couldn't be you are transforming Legends children stories that's all they were but there he was opening my eyes to the truth of what was happening it was truly him Papa Smurf I demanded to know if I was hallucinating or if this was real your salvation I saved you before but he knew everything everything that had happened to me I'm here to save you again don't worry you will not become a mind flayer but even through the lens of truth I still dreamed of sign his arms clean off though the thought crosses your mind it doesn't hold you doesn't devour you as your thoughts too often can your compulsions will Doom us all if you do not work to stop them hey my compulsions are why everyone is dead alright a little respect where it's due great potential Within the toresistible however it is but you must accept nurture it but for the sake of both of us we must learn to wield it although I already had the intention to abuse the power of the parasite Papa Smurf then showed me into the celestial realm where Rave was taking place [Music] closing in that although still brimming with questions Papa Smurf Unleashed his parasitic magic to disperse me from the celestial Realm and then I enjoyed a good night's sleep now I always enjoy waking up to my murder Circle it reminds me that running away from guilt and shame is healthy then I met some guy who got into a bad skateboarding accident ah another thy name has been recorded regardless I decided to attack him on the spot very well however attacks he would absolutely prove useful in the future I'm sure in the case of something bad happening to certain people well back in the great mountains we finally entered that hotel that we left off at and found out it was actually just being used as a bunker to concerned morons hunting down a demon she ran toward the river when she saw we were merely wounded Not Dead down the hill from here they were incredibly dramatic she must pay for her crime if you capture her you would have served here where we could not in a week but even so they had just given me directions to something to kill therefore I would at least take the time to check it out lo and behold there was a demon changed I thought you hunted Devil's will not innocence I won't be lectured on Monsters by zariel's servant what happened in the Grove was a horror one I won't ignore but nor will I let a devil roam the coast unchallenged Snappers and with her wanting to see what happens we were about to show her and she pathetically stood dazed by my Eldritch blast we took turns absolutely wailing on the demon with various magic spells he wanted to test out from leveling up will put down a blade flurry as to which she jumped through it like a friggin idiot and every attempt she had to attack it was thwarted immediately after toying with my brave for a good couple of minutes sometimes letting her hit me just to feel the sensation of my own blood sustained Immortal shell princess body slammed her into the ground and with that we looted her faint acrid smell clings to the corpse like the memory of a storm or most of her as I sliced her head clean off with nothing but a butter knife the facts swelled in my head that did you know sloths can hold their breath longer than Dolphins can upwards of 40 minutes had to come spree with a sickening Crunch and just like that I added another body part to my collection what a day but then will so why am I Frozen in doubt tell me it was right to strike her down no one gives a rat attack will I care I vow to hunt vicious monsters not join their ranks why should this time be any different my prey has fallen hail the blade he was clearly going through some kind of emotional breakdown or something so I intervened to make him praise me hmm well then hail to our champion and with that we made haste back to the goblin church now on our way back to the goblin-infested castle there were a couple things I needed to do before leaving and the first was taking care of that Jester figured I could use him as some kind of Camp entertainment oh wow what I once now Apple he's the king pigeon's all yours but before releasing him I decided to speak with him perhaps she would be so kind as to unlock this cage no not right now figured I'd keep him there a while longer he ain't going nowhere I don't need a now I would attend that communion thing I should have days ago but just did it turns out it was actually just some weird cult garbage I command you corpse reveal truth to the absolute this is the big boss strike him down the Hobgoblin turns to you and the parasites or worms in your skull you taste the ale on his tongue and the bile in his soul he doesn't speak his next words but they still rattle your skull from within you ever talk to a dead squid now's your chance Mrs intrusive thoughts was right and I moved in to look at the squid however I decided that instead I would just kill everyone in the room and just like that I managed to piss off half a room of goblins because I sent the other half of Warriors to The Grove on a very special Mission well being in the Raptors was definitely the way to go here is none of these people had good stability in the least we spent the majority of our time pretending to rain down tomatoes on bad comedians but instead it was you know beams of Eldritch magic that could cauterize the wound as fast as it could Shred the flesh wide open but the Goblins were persistent little snobs that fired back and just because we were killing all their friends and their leader now hilariously enough a couple of them decided to join us in the rafters of the auditorium and after blasting their vital organs we'd shove them off and pretend they had parachutes but they didn't so their carcasses would burst on the floor it was like art and the ground was the canvas then will on purpose got pushed off of the rafters to his death for some reason some of the Goblins didn't get the memo that we were all straight up murdering them and they joined us and hey I'll take it better than getting hit than me everyone felt like minutes of battle pushing scorching absolutely decimating enemies not worth anything in the eyes of anyone we polished off the rest of the lousy Fighters but then of course murderous actions have given this God the perfect excuse to eviscerate you any last words how about Dodge this and just like that a goblin enemies and friends were all dead well then it turns out that Bilbo or bulgo or whatever the heck his name was had worse one there's a true Soul parasite it can enhance you you can absorb its potential open your mind to it you already know how obviously I wanted all the power I could get so I consumed the worm telepathically into my head everything it was destined to be pure Pub yes the more parasites the better I've grown your survival oh yeah and then we saved will because he died in the bell at some point obviously parasites into my brain it felt like meth but if meth actually had a kick but naturally the Goblins were pissed off about something and regardless of whatever it was I didn't have time for this I just jammed parasites into my brain I was having a moment here with that said we slaughtered the rest of the shriveling half with simpletons with extreme prejudice as if they meant something we even managed to shove one into the spider pit good times I laughed the spiders laughed the goblin choked on his own blood regardless we finished off the rest of them bit by bit Magic by Magic and honestly we started to realize that maybe overthrowing the goblin Empire was more of a side quest to the main thing you know after all that blood was shed we bumped into some shirtless guy I am leaving I suggest you do the same Levy I don't remember giving this guy permission to leave so I revoked his hallway past then in the spirit of having a loyal dog I released the jester smashing my friend love Daring Do if you drink any of my ale I will personally escort you to join the last bar that entered my Camp well a lake of goblin blood seemed like a homely campsite so we set up she's coming in only to be greeted by none other than Will's goth GF [Music] mizora get your ghost Stone horned up head out of my Camp no no friend is my puppy and he's been a very good boy that sounds like a joke I'm too dog killer to understand so I'm just gonna kill you kill me I die and Will turns to a Lee Muir and gets sucked right down to the hells okay which reminds me and then before our very eyes the demon lady turned will into the Silver Surfer oh wait no she just put a jacket on him take from will so I hope down like 40 rings of sausage and slept like a dead person now first thing in the morning I ripped that new jacket right off Will's Bank while he was sleeping and might I add I look far better in it anyways with that we left the goblin encampment and headed for the Grove for that angry she elf lady had been waiting for me for weeks probably I don't know I don't keep track of time praise the absolute she will reward us well for this Exquisite Carnage there were few left alive you began the slaughter without me I assume I only had one thing to do anyways knock off any loose ends you you loves we needn't fight every time you know there's this wild notion called choosing your battle shut up princess battle for me and just like that I managed to get on the bad side of probably one of the most Savage killers in all the land however I'd also divided her away from all of her pathetic Goblin goons leaving her alone in her final moments we've watched and only after the fight had begun we had multiple turns to smack her around but because I'm such a great instigator of fights she was zeroing in on me specifically and that meant I needed a plan that plan flawlessly executed might I had was to run outside whenever she came after me and let my teammates take the hits and so upon re-entering the battlefield and will being brutally punished for my actions I took all the credit in the victory of this battle easily winning over some deranged lady who would try to steal my Psychopathic Spotlight if I ever gave her the chance her name would be forgotten and she would be lost forever to a ghost town no one would remember existed and then so dishonorably pathetic anyways we made our way back to the swamp assuming that the swamp granny of the cells was ready with that apology she owed us and I was right about her stupid house it was built in a stupid tree of course she was busy monologuing to some random chick feeding her pie or something again Seattle please one more boy and this pie is gonna come back up to say hello that made me get the wooden spoon it it isn't the cheekiest pop of them all you would best have won Hells of an apology for me young lady well this wasn't going to plan so I just attacked her and then she started glowing all green and weird and stuff I don't know people around here man I don't get it I could tell she was upset and that led us straight to a fight in her house where we walloped on her so hard within the first few seconds of the fight she had to come back up to those sheep gnome things from the swamp and then she abandoned the fight time to go leaving us to clean up this no mess she brought to her place well knowing that was probably the only way it would be able to chase after her and get that apology we polished off the Gnomes like we were giving a fine manicure and although they got a couple of good hits then it was never enough to save them from a horrendously painful death and also will died again on purpose we then decided to ransack this old hague's place for every drop of profitable loot we could find and man this lady was hoarding like the apocalypse was coming but turning off her fireplace we gained access to her secret basement you know what I'm talking about the one where you put Holograms of yourself to scare away trespassers thank you get out or what oh the cocky ones are my favorite to chew on I don't know what this lady was on but now I wanted it so I murdered some random homeless guy living down here stop stop make it stop started shooting anything that seemed shootable and found out that the tree was all fake just a bunch of smoke and mirrors nonsense which led us directly into a room filled with innocent people being forced against their will to defend the swamp witch's home my companions bagged me to non-lethily take down these poor souls but in the end I forgot to turn my Eldritch blast to stun so I blew holes straight through their innocent bodies They begged themselves to stop I that just made them sound crazy so I figured it was just best to kill everything and move on we move further towards the core of whatever this giant tree was and made our way safely down finally we ran straight into the witch hag herself you'll come to my home interfering my business are you talking to me I'll rip yours shut up shut your crack-headed hair extended pimple pushing goon look inside excuse for a winch mouth I didn't know who that cage woman was but no it was fight time you won once again not sure why anyone is focused on this girl I just want whatever drugs this old hag was dealing and with that said it took us quite literally seconds to whittle her down to within an inch of her life so far down that she ended up begging us like a groveling peasant under my boot wait ah wait just a tick killing me waste of time always will I have something you want yes I would love to rip off your head and mounted on Will's backpack to carry around now there's there's no need for such talk let me leave with the girl and I'll give you power if her powers were worth anything we wouldn't have beaten her finish this it's your choice sweetness Now power is power and I wanted it alongside the cage chick and make it snappy you greedy little bellocks fine here turn out her hair extensions were her power uh not soon forget this sweetness you you had my wired but the deal what about my husband what happens to him deals off you dumb cow heart attack for it not the thin Masters I'll find another just as plump and ripe I can set up shop elsewhere people always need lotions and Potions hey good luck out there granny you I can live with ruining everything 's rushing gobs on your way out sure anything else that's right he's buried outside and I was this close to getting him back thanks to you I'll never see him again hey it's not my fault you fell for the oldest trick in the book and with that we began to leave the Granny's house but not before taking all the drugs we could fit in our backpacks first but as we left Rapunzel over here was moping over something discussion the thought of putting him in a wheelbarrow and making the journey all over again well hey look on the bright side at least your husband is a dead rotting corpse you're a miserable bastard you know that all right calm down I found a wand that'll bring him back you can yeah it's right here you whiny bread surge of power from the wand the air suddenly tastes acrid it wants to be used bring it back bring Connor back please and so to my surprise it brought the girls Prince Charming back and in perfect condition too impeccable what's happening why is he still dead what a specimen what could that husband go you feel something pull at you creature yearns for a master my thoughts exactly listen I simply removed the part of him that was flawed you know the part that made him the man you loved and I've turned him into my own zombie slave and I dare you to kiss he's my your husband now the woman ran away in Terror and in tears so I allowed her an unexpectedly painful death today was a win for friendship after the swamp we ran into what I thought was blood but it turns out it was just an entire horde of wild wildebeests so it's something there was no time to waste having creatures existing was a direct Abomination to me existing but just as we started killing we heard voices from a nearby cave hey that someone's fighting the nose we should help shut your mouth I'll keep your head down huh not even gonna join in fine you're next but for right now we had an infestation to deal with and I was going to get that new rug embarrassingly for the beasts before the fight even really began we were already moving on to there will the Beast overlook princess even summoned some sort of floating weapon that would gut punch the thing so hard it puked all over will I had also forgotten that I put a you can't hit me or it'll hurt you spell on myself so the wildebeest just ended up killing itself and then those humans showed up by the guts you're a sweet sight are any of my Crews still alive out there you know it was a sweet sight all your men were ripped across the road I guess that's a no resin Road's more dangerous than ever you're the first friendly face we've seen since Elder guard friendly if you give me all your stuff hold on now you made short work of the beasts and I reckon you'd make shorter of me and the boy yes yes I would plump little Merchants you can boss around all right Buckle shut up and I'll just kill everyone you love so for bastards than you have tried let's just go our separate ways and be thankful we're all in one piece unfortunately for you I've never seen one piece fool May the black hand take you and with that this anime loving nerd Rose to Arms with what frail Little Nerd arms he had well him and his stupid son or whoever that was not like he could hit the broadside of a barn door from two feet away anyways we started a little tussle we started with a couple of your usual Flesh Wounds just to have them limping and hollering a bit but for sure of course but once they started to get a little frisky I blasted the agent one to barely alive status quickly stabbing him in the face oh and then I quickly killed off the other one all right I forgot will Burns to death on purpose but there wasn't so I don't know why they were so aggressive towards us the next quick side tangent me and the Gang went on was just a simple burning building with people trapped inside something's burning we started to loot the dead people as soon as we arrived but he is the old sleeping eyes grant me the might to carry this burden grant me the faith to face Darkness without fear hey it was a loser and he deserved to die only a coward would be would speak ill of the Fallen that the arrow had pierced your heart instead now that's problematic because I don't have one well burning or not building meant one thing and so I charged in with my companions no regard for their safety and we burst down the already crumbling buildings questionable support beeps as we hopped inside some guy was there hurry how about I don't but say I did ah the building was coming down anyway so I figured hey might as well Rob these poor slobs and then just pretend I'm a hero in the process until I accidentally saved some elf lady trapped inside huge mistake I'm afraid proper thanks Mr Waite now funny enough she didn't care about that other guy at all she in fact ran right over him lying there probably was the one to finish him off too sorry rummaged through his pockets and then I left the building to go confront this elf lady in her intentions fresh air at last your boldness is a blessing I'm in your debt yeah that's not a good place to be I must ask again for your Aid no please no rescue Raven Guard from his drow captors the council will reward you for your effort the council can kiss my he's not fealty I ask but a great favor on behalf of our city okay then your city can kiss mine I see your Good Will has limits far be it for me to stretch them although she was insanely rude she gave me a free weapon of choice which definitely improved my day slightly amongst that guy burning to death in there well in an effort to just get away from people I ended up running straight into a people and one of which that was not the type for begging me for Mercy turns out my party members had fallen behind at some point probably when I accidentally pushed that stroller off a cliff so this fight was up to me and me alone as I was locked in combat with whoever this was all I could think about was the fact that did you know Venus is the only planet that spins clockwise whereas all the other planets besides Uranus which actually spin sideways spinning counterclockwise and with that said I murdered a random woman in Cold Blood but victory was short-lived turns I'll feed your inits to the ants before I do that to istick this is your last chance no look up that was your last chance is stick now burn turns out that dragon from the spaceship was back and under the command of those weird elk creatures right what were they called again forget spanked or something I don't know find the weapon Our Queen watches us fail her at your peril facing that lot would be suicide at least for now wait I can speak out loud wow I heard that was kind of an out of Body Experience right there well anyways I looted the dead girl and crossed the bridge except sees the burning embers of what if Floric says he lives then he lives and we need to free him from his captors but why you see Grand you Graven God is my father do you think I care I know I haven't said I could quite literally not care less will and so we went down and approached the Spanx what easy prey you make walking right within my blades Embrace now listen here your green skin Grinch looking broken mouth having bad posture standing Jim skipping hippie elf I forgot where I was going with that but you're desperate to find something perceptive for such an inferior creature a vessel fell from the sky we seek a precious weapon that was taken from it he suddenly feel a strange anxiety take hold not your own but that of the artifact you carry somehow it's afraid help us find it and I will leave your blood beneath your skin unspilled you make an interesting bargain but I want all your money you haggle with your own life be silent and hold still he begins to move his hand in a quick flurry of gestures ah cat's cradle and I knew the counter spell it was quite Elementary really and just like that his stupid little magic failed him just like he did his parents nothing even approaching a useful thought in that skull I ought to just kill you he was starting to bore me so I told him to take a hike but with passion my blade is my right if I can take your life it is mine oh calm down there Veruca Salt but perhaps you have other uses seek out survivors from the ship that crashed on this wretched world bring me their heads bring me the weapon if you succeed the reward will be great now go that's right turn around and run away on your little dragon here tasty looking dragon I had just gotten invited right to their headquarters now I would definitely accept that invitation at some point now as things started to ramp up around these punts I realized that there were still a couple of loose ends I need to wrap up now starting at the goblin Camp there were still a bunch of stragglers that probably hadn't gotten the memo that they were pretty much extinct and should just give up so we've proceeded to wipe them off the face of the planet one by one or sometimes like six of them at once their group up instincts were terribly timed and not too long after our Fiasco with them began it ended and we had officially destroyed the last of the goblets meaning that we are now third party the genocide of three entire races when inside I jammed a couple more parasites into my brain to make sure that I was always learning and growing that's important you know and then we came across a caged Goblin prizes ever played in action praise his throne of flaming iron praise McLovin you know mcglobit a tyrannical deity who treats his goblin-oid followers as slaves with that I decided to ruin his cult by giving him Freedom a momentary freedom to be sure but it's more about what it's symbolized then we came across some nerd just chilling out on some kind of angled deck please please let me out there's no reason for this I was feeling charitable today so sure the lock clicks and opens the man fell down to the stone floor like a weak piece of meat thank you I better go before they cut yourself everyone is dead should be up the Grove on my own wait did you say the Grove you need to know they're in danger my guy I am the danger and with that said I Eldritch blasted that son of a bow up next on my quick Bucket List was to release some giant spiders into the world and I communed with them first these pawns to attack she hesitates to tacking her claws as if trying to communicate the other spider Echoes her these beasts were precious and needed to know that I am their Overlord they would respect my power the spider relaxes slightly but you feel her hunger and fear beneath the surface and with that I let them roam out into the world she scuttles toward the door hungry threatened and Confused I'm sure any survivors out there would be fine now of course guarding some of the treasure was another hulking ogre is that right [Music] be here you're about to be ejected listen here you giant oaf I own this place I own you congratulations you've convinced them to give you access well we celebrated obviously by killing the giant ogre and she put up a bit of a fight smacking us around with a giant stick she probably found in the yard but she was no match for us using her as a piggy in the middle our attack shook her around without Mercy remorse anything just for pure pleasure and with that she died and we now had access to whatever the Goblins were keeping down here which turned out to be some sort of puzzle mechanism probably leading us either to where we needed to go or where there were more people to toy with Now using my enlarged parasite grain I strategically spammed the plates around and around until finally they clicked into place solving the puzzle with extreme finessing skill goes very far down we headed down the large flight of stairs going who knows where and proceeded to climb a ladder so infinite you'd think it was a metaphor for the IQ of my companions and where did it lead me straight into the heart of the world the Mushroom Kingdom or something plus they were minotaurs here so that would prove to be it oh never mind well we definitely weren't ready for that yet so to tie up more Loose Ends we wandered around the world a bit more ended up fighting off a bunch of pigeons who were guarding something and let me tell you killing flying things at this point was a specialty of mine then we looted some dead kids that was pretty neat but our curiosity ended up bringing us to some white-haired prissy boy no you don't I've literally killed them all kill it can't you like you killed the others not for free kill it yourself geek I was hoping for a kind soul well not to worry now without fear he attacked me like a coward like a filthy elf would but a midst on tussle his weakness in squishy flesh was no match for my ability to easily roll away from him I saw you on the ship strutting about whilst I was trapped in that pot yeah and I laughed at you in there did you and those tentacle freaks do to me this guy was clearly delusional you arrogant little your mind twists of unfamiliar eyes prowling dark busy streets what was that what's going on now I told him I still had no idea but at least I was being constructive about it it's those tentacled monsters they took you too I saw it during whatever just happened and I think I was ready to decorate the ground with your innards and to think I was ready to mince Your Hide and wear it to prom great minds I told the jump to beat it and he better watch himself if he ever crossed paths with me again so I hope an introduction will suffice and with that I tried to leave again a pleasure no girl how about I get drunk and laugh at you while I watch you get mauled to death by dog brains yes humorous maybe I'll see you again still wearing the same skin I hope and with that I finally made my leave hoping to see him in the obituaries tomorrow after a busy day I shovel the backpack's worth of food down and crashed for the night ready for tomorrow's Journey to the mountain pass but of course I had forgotten the jester and joined us at the camp [Music] clear an expert he tried to preach to me how much of an expert he was on the squid thing babbling on and on about how much he knew like he knew firsthand so I told him I had been infected just for kids that can't be the bank such a strange clay in the spirit of becoming this guy's nightmare for the rest of his life I allowed him to examine my eye if I just tear in your eye I could quickly oh sweet gods his reaction was exactly what I was looking for the horror of this all being a reality we managed it we'd have a specimen of incredible Rarity on our hands I'll need to research the particulars however give me a bit of time and I'll have this little issue sorted well that was unexpected but hey if this schmuck could be capable of removing the dang thing I'd give him a shot and with that we left camp and made way for the past knowing that the get spank Clan allegedly set up shop in these parts the absolute beauty of a torture Monastery was ruined by Will being dramatic about the parasite at first I thought we should avoid these gifts no matter what advantage we gain so I convinced him that jamming worms in your brain is a good idea very well if it's Mind Games these parasites wish to play we'll play and we'll win only moments after we heard a lady shouting down the path so naturally with full intentions of ruining her life we spoke with her blessing my dear and to the point granny all business very well inside that Temple [Music] monkey established it in what remained after they slaughtered all of the monks the Society of Brilliance tasked me with acquiring one of their eggs in order to settle a dispute an egg I'm asking you to retrieve an egg for me an egg you'll be well compensated of course just bring me an egg an egg you say fine don't pay me up front and lots of fruits as to which she wholeheartedly agreed I suppose there is a reason I'm asking you to do it here's the money now I expect a speedy delivery ten piece nug two-day delivery hadn't been invented yet so she was just gonna have to make do with waiting a while meanwhile we had plenty of time to slowly make our way down to the monastery really taking all the sights shoot a lot of birds and then like all good Adventures we broke into the monastery quietly which seemed to have upset a mound of fleshy creatures wanting to be punted around like golf folks so he did just that but no sooner after we caused our Ruckus we stumbled across your usual slaver situation that's enough on your feet where where's talking about we don't have it and we don't know about it silence move no no no no no I'm not coming in there we watched the woman run with the speed of drying paint so she got what was coming to her that was encouraging to see people of such culture existing around these parts anyone want to join her so we looted the running lady and soon afterwards learned that they locked the deadbolt on the other side of this big door meaning that we had to take the long way around turns out this place is just a drunken lizard house it's not possible I started by squishing a drunk lizard quietly and then sneaking into the rest of the facility well what started as one drunk lizard became an entire horde of them so there was only one efficient thing I could do and that seemed to do the trick now of course a couple lizards survived so by using a process I call forceful natural selection I eradicated the rest of the Vermin from the facility they didn't really put up too much of a fight All Things Considered and I even gained experience from it all meaning that now my Eldritch blast could punt inferiors back a couple good feet and so we scoured the rest of the place looking for anything remotely useful killed a bunch of rats or something I don't know all these places got their infestation cliche and made our way to a giant hole in the castle perfect for two things throwing on victims to break their legs and sleeping precariously on the top of now naturally I consumed 72 apples to keep the doctor away while sleeping but as I woke up I realized I think I accidentally summoned one instead ah my good fella I figured this could only end well so I willingly laid myself down on the Cold Stone bed for what I thought would be nothing more than a soothing massage my research turned up over all the brilliant technique that seems quite actionable okay so do it it's not too deep just behind the orbital socket I could attempt an extraction I have a needle in my tunic after all okay so do it well I wasn't expecting acupuncture let alone in my eye socket but I suppose these newfangled Beauty places all have their thing nowadays Volo carefully holds one of your eyes open and begins to prod uncertainly with the needle the needle was large but my ego was larger at first it was like picking your nose but you know behind your eyeball which was slightly awkward the needle finds the gap between eyeball and socket one of my friends and begins to push I clench my fists in pure rage perfect change the needle snags on your optic I think I have it the needle seesaws back and forth plucking the nerve like a heart string do you hear music I hear music there's some there's some I shall need a more robust Implement I just use your finger follow carefully withdraws the needle from your eye then reaching into his back ice pick although the ice pick is what I usually use to get flush out of my teeth I figured ah what the heck Volo slowly brings the ice pick closer to your eye now don't move all right I just made sure to get that bugger Goodyear here cold metal presses against the skin beneath your brow then do it tap tap stab oh yeah that's it that's the one huh yeah oh yes the pain was excruciating I felt so alive I felt so um from your brain with a violent jerk your eye plops down into the mud yeah I was planning on getting that one removed anyways try he pauses looks down at your eye and recoils slightly as it sinks into the mud and I was out like a light it was both therapeutic and cathartic simultaneously as I woke up the jester still stood in front of me helping me to regain some Consciousness and probably blood flow did to be an amount of cosmetic damage huh interesting but then I started to realize I could have sold that eye please please perhaps there is something more I can do oh wait is that a kiroshi take this a far superior Relic to that old jelly you were trained to try it on for size and um it was very nice to have met you I'm sure you'll so that your little brain problem one way or another and with that the jester booked it off the who knows where but hey at least I got both a massage and a new eye I'd consider that a pretty decent time well with a slight headache we pressed on further into the ruins of the monastery to meet up with whoever the heck runs this place probably some big-headed pompous freak but as we made our way into the actual interior of the building Mystic State your purpose quickly my purpose is to dispose of anyone who proposes purposes need to be established and now with my new powers at disposal I was able to make short work of these buffoons not to mention misstep around wherever my heart desired to take me he's humanoid interlopus put up more of a fight than the mere Goblin would but at the same time they were fragile like a stick bug and so he snapped them as such before long we'd eliminated the threat looted all of their quite valuable assets and moved further into the cavern to take out more of them just standing around completely oblivious to the screams of their comrades moments before anything like that anyone who would prove to be a threat was gone ganderone on the back porch but the view sucks so bad I preferred to be inside the Dank cave which was actually quite profitable as a merchant had stepped in place of one of the murdered guards substance not smeared on this delivery I'd heard this plane was disgusting but I didn't think it would be like this yes I do wonder how all this Blood and Guts and Carnage got here well anyways buy their stuff for me fine but your paraphernalia had better be pristine and so finally I was able to rid myself of some of the garbage those Spanx were carrying after money I moved into the monastery where surprisingly enough no one judged me for the cold-blooded murder I inflicted on their friends just moments before and istic allowed to soil our holes and that's what I remembered I was an invited guest so I stumbled right into the leader's Chambers yeah my Gish have drafted plans to assault the tower they are ready to fight chip right my patience falters yesterday you heard him hilariously enough none of her guards listen to her and that meant no one would miss her she remains your kithrak for now then in a lucky moment for me I saw her extract some kind of gem from some kind of garbage and that gem activated the door to who knows where but I knew I wanted in so immediately I rushed to Prior for information and istick in my crash you are one of the mercenaries then to bring the weapon don't tell her anything I gave her just enough to make her happy you are well informed my crush discovered the same and then I acted dumb to put on a facade it is small angular metal adorned with Sans Shadow Hearts worry this weapon sounds like the artifact you carry and finally I deceived her to buy myself more time before assassinated her I have business to return with the weapon or do not return at all and everything was going according to the plan I was making up on the spot to make absolute sure I had this place scouted out I wandered its Halls before coming across what at first I thought was a dieting contest turns out as their military training barracks sense killing each other like this stupid you fight again it's time daggers only and to the death as instructed who wants to challenge this sniveling istark I figured hey might as well get a taste of their fighting tactics if I'm gonna end up fighting them anyways I've been practicing every night Savage let me have a go I I refuse there has to be a better way and then the pitiful flight Ended as soon as it began you you dropped your guard on your weak side and were completely open to an offhand counter move him out of the way we've wasted enough time already well that was a major letdown knowing that's the kind of fight I'm gonna get out of these half pipe win bag and stick bugs so I loaded the guy in Jam or parasites into my brain after ditching those nerds I came across one of those strange rooms I've ever been in it reeked of green eggs and ham though I couldn't figure out why his sticker permitted to view the birthing pools now ah shut up you're racist these are strange times step carefully while here our Hatchery is protected by lethal safeguards I do not wish to pick your remains from them but stay away from the egg wait there will be no second warning luckily I didn't need a first warning I hopped my way across platforms and then walked easily around their traps to lay eyes upon the most glorious egg I had ever seen one of those could make a meal for an entire orphanage well you know if they could build them faster than I burn them down like I always say better egg than never so I shoved an elderly man off a cliff to break every bone in his body and for some reason that pissed off everyone else in the room saw a mess of unnecessary fight broke out I'm assuming these people didn't want me to have their one egg but I did so I couldn't let them live they all began to rush us but we had fantastic strategical positioning to keep them at base forcing them to have to climb up and wobble over precarious Ledges only to be shoved off of them sometimes into traps that would then teleport their into a prison cell that would slowly rot them away in the bile poison below within a moment everyone was dead and I ran aimlessly without regard for my own personal safety towards the egg green egg with an uneven shell you can see a vague outline of something within it as much as I wanted to scramble it right then and there I decided that reward is bigger than temporary satisfaction and just like that I had acquired their only remaining egg and ran back into the Halls pretending like I had done nothing wrong and nobody suspected a thing look I don't have time to talk to youstic I found myself wanting into some kind of nerd chamber and I was exactly right what I touching things does that say to speak to me otherwise leave so I decided the humor the lady and spoke with her brimming with magic you were interested in the safe disc is that like floppy disk do you put that giant hunk of garbage did this it is used the removal of a knitted tadpoles why do you want to know then I lied to get more information out of her after all I lost an eye the last time I did something like this a new expected charity from us you are a unique specimen you'll be aware then that your friend is on borrowed time bring them here and you'll have a live demonstration of what the safest can do well there was no use hiding it anymore so it was me have you brought your roof I was my friend all along is that so then of course you'll be treated first the device is strange made of taut Flash and pockmarked Metal it waits for something you feel your parasite stare do not fear my experience in operating this machine is unparalleled hey this wasn't the first time I got myself into a pod situation figured it also wouldn't be the last time so I jumped in without having a second thought the massive machine came to life around me and with that the ride began you must focus on the parasite at all times we'll do the rest of magic weave themselves tightly around your head the tadpole squirms and contracts it's trying to hide my perception was unfathomably perceptible but it's doing so blindly without Direction your faculties could be permanently damaged your skull groans and bends under the pressure agony I now humored the machine and focused on my parasite really see what this bad boy can do through the lurking presence ignore the pain I don't feel good shut up I'm thinking here get out the parasite Burrows deeper sinking its teeth into your brain's exposed tissue it sucks greedily it's evolving I soon realized that this thing was only gonna make my parasite stronger so with that in mind I thought about it some more it's part of you tainted by its presence on his ancient rotten well instead of going further I shifted gears and began asking Papa Smurf for divine diabolic might and it worked pour yourself into the tadpoles putrid Magic strength multiplied it unleashes on the machine the two forces fuse violently together your brain their conduit I had to quickly think about anything else well that definitely felt weird but hey at least I still had all my ligaments the room swims back into Focus your mind is inside it the tadpole lives on do you feel feel different hey your device sucks literally can't even go fishy I took it for a joyride my life's work gone and yet you live does your parasite sure does voice Cuts with a fanatical Edge an obsession bordering on Mania your machine is garbage and your life's work was meaningless now quit your whining the zephisk does not fail well it did wait here I will gather my tools incredible your parasite is even stronger now and with that in mind my parasite was happier smoke Rises like hot breath but whatever semblance of Life wants power at the zayathisk is gone with the lady gone we decided to quickly ransank her place stealing every drop of anything we could find while she ran off to get her tools which I'm sure was just a keyword for Ambush no worries I was in no rush and wanted to just Chuck stuff around for a bit of fun knowing they were all probably set up on the other side I decided to just pick the lock real quick and get this thing started and get started we did do as there was an entire platoon stationed on the other side waiting for us so I did something absolutely insane beyond their comprehension I closed the door well with that move in play they sent their smartest troops forward to open the door but as they entered into our Lair we were ready for that and then will did something absolutely insane he closed the door Furious on the other side they cast their magic blindly but inside we were busy wailing on this loser who decided to charge it and as we beat up this lady they finally decided to counter Us closing the door by opening it and by doing so we immediately had the upper hand we had created something rather ingenious if I do say so myself something I like to call a choke point and as this was created I did the unthinkable I closed the door again this sent them into a spiral and I Unleashed a parasitic blast forcing these two morons five feet in the air the battle inside was getting frisky so one of their guards did something unhinged he opened the door and because he did that we killed their lead scientist on the spot and did something Beyond sane we closed the door and then will on purpose destroyed the door by summoning a flurry of blades luckily striking a bunch of their guns eavesdropping on the other side slicing their thin hide to bits and bites as now their range damage was their final defense we ended up just waiting up the storm a little bit allowing them to feel comfortable moving forward slightly to get us into a good angle and when they did that I ran out of the door and detonated the entire so with that all wrapped up our field trip to the Science Center had concluded we left the area and found out we were completely discreet why is that blood here but before confronting the lady that no one respects and showing her our respects I had one final Wing to visit the Younglings as I prepared myself for whatever would come next I realized there was only one appropriate way to approach this fragile of a situation and by fragile I did mean the breaking of their bones I put a crown of Madness upon their drill Sergeant's head turning him into a raging lunatic ironically the perfect disguise he immediately blasted his top student twice with deadly accuracy killing her on the spot and then he walked away to cover no one rose a blade in our Direction however I couldn't let the students just have an easy Victory what made the fight sweeter was that even after burning two of them alive they still didn't notice we were behind all of this and Moments by moment we eviscerated each and every one of them with tactics they could have never been taught to defend themselves from no matter how far they could run this wasn't about learning a lesson anymore it was about learning their place under my boots and just like that the crown of Madness was lifted and the teacher walked back to his position as if nothing had just transpired oh trust me you didn't with that we headed out of the barracks and towards the captain's Chambers again knowing her threat of coming back empty-handed still applied I presume you are not stupid enough to return empty-handed so give me the weapon well the only weapon I had was the one in my hand so I had no choice but to kill her see you try and there we went killing again I started by torching her dogs in a fleece of Fire and Blood igniting the room like it was a matchbox so before she could react I blasted her back into her fireplace and then I shoved her into it too the captain's stewardess took great offense to our offensive so she rendered will useless so pretty much had no effect however lady Commander here decided to Magic me in the face not realizing I know every counter spell in the book killing her instantly which I guess makes it not murder anyways after the commander was gone all we had to deal with were these few final weasels which we make short work of considering the fact that none of these people knew how to fight against a group of unhinged Mages and with that I snatched the weird gem off the lady to barge into wherever that room would lead us so I jammed that gem into the door slide oh it is you make haste we have business to conduct well after the door told me that we had business I assumed someone was down these corridors ready for Judgment Day and lo and behold I was exactly right I need a quick word ah our esteemed interesting I'm pleased to finally meet you I heard enough Druids died by your hands to make the deity Sylvanas himself weep oh to be flatter me I suspect you plucked something precious from The Geek ship something that belongs to us the weapon give it to me hands off you bald-headed snot no simpleton the gay care about to execute their grand design and you seek to bargain far but I will humor your Greed for a moment what would you ask of an Inquisitor basically I demanded of him Treasure of immense power so as to destroy them all with you would lay claim to our hard-won Treasures you seek power but do not seek to strive for it a Fool's request denied give me the weapon now well he refused my offer of immense power so I would just conduct it myself although we were heavily surrounded in this fight and the enemies were apparently highly trained versions of those younglings we eradicated I realized that the only thing keeping us going was the fact that Egyptians invented marshmallows for the extraction of sap from a mallow plant and mixing it with nuts and honey this idea was then reborn in the 1800s in France when candy makers repeated the staff process but with egg whites and sugar so anyways everyone was lying in a pool of blood on the ground but amidst this Carnage something called out to me [Music] it was a giant woman not exactly a God but you are permitted to look upon me you are invited Leo how primitive and submissive especially coming from a not God you bear that which is ours but are you friend or are you Thief it's mine you swamp hair demigod wannabe of what you carry there is someone inside their mind is Warped broken they are an agent of The Grand Design sent to sabotage the astral prison our last defense against the return of the unlimited Empire prism is be a while they are not alone and they will appeal to your trust they are not to be believed you must accept refuse and know my fuel although her Fury was probably the equivalent of demanding the manager at a Dollar Tree I decided to peek into her mind just for case the veil of the god Queens outer thoughts fear paranoia she fears the one inside the artifact more than anything in the world she's hiding something the veil snaps back vlakid's mind shut out to you forever well I was bored of her anyway so I just demanded more Goods to enter the prism or deny choice is yours know this my wrath is carried with each of my faithful it will find you that's a big talk coming from Walmart brand dice regardless I now wanted the dice so I figured I'd just touch it I'm sick of the astral prism has a big flower well like everything I touched it started to combust into flames my mind's excitement was no match for its will to victimize this planet and now that I had made it to some sort of astral plane of existence I had the upper hand the concentration of psionic force is small but unstakable this must be a pocket of the astral plane I explored for about five milliseconds then realized this place is boring so I decided to enter the Stargate so you came disappointed come we will talk in private just the two of us I may have made a mistake trusting you I told you to stay away from the gift Yankee but you just couldn't help yourself could you you're not my father Papa Smurf you you are worthy Ally yeah that's more like it however you stop me from my worm extraction you misunderstand the zephisk was going to kill you so I tried to probe his mind but even though I succeeded I failed that was uncalled for though a spell well cast that made me feel sad suppose I can't blame you you are threatened by the tadpole and you think I prevented you from being cured and now that you know the truth what will you do well at first I thought ah Smurf blood but then he bent a need to me submitting to my power I decided this was not his time to die no there was still more juice and Pulp to be squeezed from his trusting faith seems I was right to put my faith in you after all blacketh will be furious she fears nothing more than the loss of her Empire however I told her my true intentions and yet you did not I can only assume there was something you felt was worth saving and with that we left this hillbilly Backwater town and headed back to elf land well now that we've eliminated most of the get spanked Clan and looted their attic it was time to search the basement but it's Rusty mechanism Jam stuck and there were puzzles meaning one thing we shoot stuff until things move and just like that we found ourselves in some ancient storage room in front of some sort of golden encased mace I tried jamming coins into its slot but it turned out to not be a vending machine so I just did what I normally do hovers before you suspended in a shaft of brilliant light size piece of Amber flecked with Crimson is set in the handle emitting a Radiance all its own this mace must be the legendary blood of the Thunder the Ambrose said to contain the blood of the morning Lord himself I don't care who that is but this will be the blood of nug now the glow around the mouth disaster you feel your patrons presence nearby hums with us with unfamily for me taking such a holy weapon would be diabolical indeed but the disastrous intrusive mind you say that like it doesn't make it all the better may snap free with us I could feel its power radiating in my hands not wanting to be used but alas the storage room itself came to life angry clearly that I had taken its heart I was trapped in a cage and outside some massive mechanical structure began to take position everything is in motion all within these walls are doomed to destruction unless you act [Music] my greedy companions only you've done it themselves so I knew I needed to think about myself so naturally I simply misstepped out of the cage they didn't really think that one through and with that I made a haste out of the room out into the open roof of the monastery so not the basement my map indicated conveniently enough a safe Zone meaning whoever wrote this map wrote it in with the expectation that eventually someone would touch the bloody Maze and while I ran I had my companions hold down the foot trying to plug the thing up with a towel or something as for me I was using every move enhancing ability to Dart out of that area as quickly as possible like a wild arsonist gazelle after lighting a family home on fire time to get down from here all the while Petty princess wandered the chamber meaninglessly praying for a painless inevitable death as for me I finally left from the rooftop just as the device hit 100 charged battery my companions were crushed under the Rubber and the entire Fortress detonated in a beam of Holy Light everything nay every one inside was now either eviscerated squished or no doubt burning to death but as for me I revived my overly dramatic companion so we could continue our journey as we wandered away from the was Monastery I remembered I held the last remaining spank egg so I brought into that old hag shame that Monastery had to go up like that in my name and after hauling that egg for four days using every scrap of your concentration you kick the egg just hard enough that it doesn't crack but soars like a red dragon you you grouped what have you done you will pay for this funny thing is she already paid me for this so I did the only thing natural as with the egg I punted her off the Cliffside well with that we finally felt powerful enough to Brave the minds of the Mushroom Kingdom below wandering its vast Halls of rock and well mushrooms after looking around we stumbled upon some sort of sunken Village including an underground specimen Geck got someone sneaking up on us instead of violence I decided to hear them out give them a chance to beg for mercy two loud Sons come heard you stumbling can hear you blinking noise get you eaten down here reckon I'll hush you something hungry comes along well I'm hungry and I've come along better convince him that I'm a rabid Dirty Dog and it worked and you're dead but even after all then I decided to just leave fine Mine by me I guess it's gonna be an all-you-can-eat buffet down here and with that I immediately blasted his second in a command into the dark abyss he raised an undead Duel of an army From the Ashes of the battlefield lucky me I get to kill what I actually didn't and bit by bit we've punted the dwarves off Ledges past the brains in and allowed them to climb up to our level just to rent their flesh with knives their leader that ravenous dog I punted down into the dark nothingness ending his putrid existence alongside some other worthless guys and we finished up the rest of them with a gentle tap of a napkin to our mouths we then found out that they were storing barges yet and I'll be cursed vessel bubbles on the Lake's murky Waters well there was nothing better to do so we hopped aboard and began to set sail into the pure dark nothing but as we joyrided this boat into the open cave Waters we were approached by a band of Misfits who hadn't heard the noobs of their clan mates human what are you doing on Kirk's froft the bearded one jumped aboard our ship an act of pure adulterated piracy where's Geck who are you you know it's been a long day I was tired so I just ended up shoving him into the murky dark Waters below and the rest of his crew was next the cave Waters were hungry I started by blasting one of them right in after him and without hesitation my companions joined into the fun of it it was like a Target race none of them really capable of much more than a pathetic and pitiful display of mediocre combat training we enjoyed throwing and pushing them from the ships into the darkness below knowing that in these black Waters the echo chamber of a cavern no one would ever find them a life shortened to Mere hours before exhaustion take them into the depths below however Petty princess did get pushed off the ship so that was super embarrassing regardless we pushed the final tour from the ship proceeded to bring back princess and headed deeper into the darkness craft is ready to sail not knowing how much longer this dump of a boat would last we finally made it to land where we would for sure be safe fact that there were massive ruins implied someone could be down here confirmed by the opening of a gate funny enough they let us in but we'll be the only ones to ever leave women are ready less companies calling I have arrived what do we got here dead Hoon walking seems like of course I immediately demanded their submission that's so I you feel the scientist of stirrings in your head the door is not infected yet your minds resonate oh wow I'll be felt the tingle in that case let's talk business you absolute shaggers oh it's a crop load of coin you aren't through make a donation fine I'll donate your head to the ground unclog your hole they keep gnomes as slaves not for much longer if the blade has a say well you don't so shut up we begin to wander their holes Adorn in the finest of minerals but regardless it was time for a nap faint voice Echoes In Your name the poison spread is that a chance you want to take near's voice Fades but your head still tingles with his anger and fear hey my favorite two emotions to instill with the telepathic dying breath of someone fresh in my mind I heart down like 17 pies and went to sleep after a good night's rest listening to Slaves chip away at the mines I approached what I assumed to be a caveman bugger off you're distracting the slaves they run you're dead and I was absolutely right I once again reminded them who I was downstairs but it's a mere tickle a true Soul gives us recover look I could have told me tunnels collapsed trapped true Soul near he's stuck in there with poisoned geezers we don't get him out soon it's both our heads so I suggested explosions with that I took the bomb at the Rocks freed everyone inside [Music] some elf guy was trapped in there but he seemed pretty level-headed finally I'll admit that was impressive for an amateur however that left the problem of other alive people here as you say London so with that two birds one stone I satisfied Will's wishes of the slaves going free and that's because they were now all dead the absolute gave you everything and this Fiasco is how you reward her me and mine worked flat out I was cracking the whip day and night tell him true Soul tell him what that you were a lazy shriveling fool no thing right right errors and excuses and your sorry end this was perfect I was able to use this near fella to kill people without having to break a sweat myself almost like he was nothing more to me but a tool skull buzzes see your own face through near's eyes worthless every last one their failures must be punished and with that in mind we would Slaughter the rest of them show them no mercy and that I would do starting with igniting their Starry Hinds where they thought they were free from the heat below their embarrassing display of attack only heightened My Rage of fire upon them and no matter how far they could run their pointless attacks or their ability to hide in the worst places imaginable we've found them each and every one and beautifully princess pushed one of them into the lava This was meant to be a simple operation I arrive those pack animals clear the debris and I walk into the temple now how this concerned me I wasn't sure I need you to deliver a message to him tell the general that I did what I could but that the route through grimforge is impossible I told him he could report his own failures this is not a failure it's only a setback I have been entrusted with a sacred Mission I cannot fail the general resides at moonrise Towers you cannot simply travel there the land surrounding the towers is blighted by a deadly curse well if he survived I do just fine easily and these moonrise Towers they seem like a viable source of both people and power play things to me and so he left this dump of a mind further back into the Mushroom Kingdom until we came across some kind of voice in the Darkness that voice what was that I decided to ignore the voice instead I followed the sound of it directly to the source it was swallowed by a chorus of turbulent music one creature sing many voices the harmony of an entire the choir fades single Melody rises above the others Rossi and commanding I am Sovereign you see a vision your lifeless body wrapped in fungal tendrils The Sovereign is threatening you State your prayers threatening me to my face that's it I don't care what these things are they die the end it however what these things fail to realize is that they were made of Squish and I had fired well the fight was near over before it even began yet only a few moments later more of the mushroom things joined in obviously willing and ready to die I'll be honest there wasn't much more to this fight than the fact that did you know yellow jackets are a much more aggressive insect than wasps or Hornets can both sting and bite unprovoked yet do not lose their stinger well anyway some guy in a robe decided to come after us and jump on a mushroom so we beat the living Tire to him too assuming that he was there for the mushroom people's sake we ended up stealing everything from him as he clearly did not deserve the possessions he had and eventually came across some kind of merchant seems the shrooms are letting in more people every day sure you can put it like that fella on his own our way in dwarf balance his name well I hadn't seen this dwarf but I now had a name and the chance to deceive this woman where ah never mind idiots probably wandered someplace else since finally once again after all these days I was able to sell an insane amount of garbage to this lady stuff that she would never be able to sell herself nor have anyone alive down here to sell to quite pathetic really as I conducted business these weird mushroom freaks then came after us for no reason other than the fact that we wiped out the rest of their friends and family and here we found the big mushroom King the mushroom above all other mushrooms wondering what kind of trip his flesh could send me on WE quickly annihilated them without a second thought meaning that we had just sent an entire race of underground dwellers into Extinction once everyone subscribes to what his mind is however not everyone agreed with our action meaning that we needed to find this dwarf guy for her and that is exactly what we set out to do and when we finally found him we hatched an ingenious plan to get him out foreign bleeding job unfortunately to me so did you so he killed the now useless Merchant and her cows not leaving anything to waste we looted up all of her things and made way back to the surface we now headed towards these moonrise towers that we had just heard about and we knew we were on the right path when we had to fight a bunch of demons along the road just to get near the trail towards them oh but as we slaughtered and wandered we came across a valley where even the sun began to hide therefore we took advantage of that and took a nap and with all these events behind me the shadow cursed lands before me we made our way down deeper into the darkest Forest we had ever seen [Music]

Channel: Kevduit

Views: 474,947

Keywords: Kevduit, Baldur's Gate 3, Baldur's Gate, Baldur's Gate 3 Psychopath, Baldur's Gate 3 evil, Baldur's Gate 3 evil choices, Being a psychopath in Baldur's Gate 3, Baldur's gate 3 PS5, Baldur's Gate 3 gameplay, Gaming, Meme, Mems, Being evil in Baldur's Gate 3, Baldur's Gate 3 characters, Baldur's gate 3 romance, Baldur's gate 3 story, Baldur's Gate 3 Kevduit, Astarion, Lae'Zel, Shadowheart, Baldur's Gate 3 companions, Baldur's Gate 3 character creation, Baldur's Gate 3 evil playthrough

Id: XkntERIahsk

Length: 142min 50sec (8570 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 10 2023