How old were you when you were adopted?
I was six months Do you know why you're adopted in the first place ? Growing up, I always believed that I was put up for adoption because I was born with a cleft lip and palate Which is when you're a baby In the womb like and everything is forming Your lip and your palate doesn't quite completely close and so that was the natural explanation for me So you obviously had Plastic surgery when I was in fifth grade This was a pretty big surgery They had to take bone marrow from my hip And I still have the scar on my hip they took the bone marrow And they put it in the space to fill it and pretty much Every year of my life almost every year. I had some sort of surgery until senior year of high school At which point did you know that you were a little different in terms of your background? It's not something they can really hide because both my sister and I were adopted from Korea and we Look different, and they're both Caucasians, so they gradually Introduced it to us as we were growing up and even on home videos when my sister was Probably around the age of 2, and I was just a little baby You can see my dad asking my sister questions like hey Dai when? When were you born? Where were you born? When did you come to the United States so like they really ingrained it into us and Taught us about where we came from our origins as a young child it's confusing to me because yeah, I'm my exterior is Asian, I'm Korean, but then You know I've been brought up in the American Way, so you know growing up. I very much felt american Did people treat you differently? Even if you were a sheltered and your mom tried to be protective growing up in America was It had its challenges. I wouldn't say it was horrible, but growing up in a predominantly white environment Aside from my sister. I was probably the only only Asian kid Yeah, were you ever like directly discriminated, or you had? Instances of like racism thrown at you never directly at me They would more be like Asian jokes in class that people would say so much of it I honestly try to block out But it would make me just feel very uncomfortable because I wouldn't know how to act and honestly I think that caused me to disassociate from me being Asian Even more it made me want to be as American as possible. Oh I hated absolutely hated when Particularly boys would mock the Asian accent that Really really infuriated me because it Really, it just made me feel so so uncomfortable and I was like there's no reason for you to be doing that you know, but I obviously didn't speak up because And it would happen a lot if we were watching like a movie in class and there was like an Asian person came on screen and they would just mock the person and Did it ever I don't know make you Resent your parents in any way my birth parents your birth parents. I had a very intense feelings of frustration anger resentment Mainly because my cleft lip and palate why me and what did they do wrong during the pregnancy? For me to turn out this way. I was like it must be her fault you know So I really yeah, I really resented my parents. Did you have an idea of what Korea is as a country? What have you heard about Korea when you were growing up not much like I wish that I had gotten more exposure to Korea Korean food Korean culture, but we really did it like I very much grew up as an American So this is your motherland. What do you think it feels comfortable not being the only? Korean person in the room it's complicated Cause i feel like i fit in because I'm Korean and then at the same time as soon as that with my mouth And I'm speaking in English like I am right now. Yeah, I definitely get stares It's limbo for me like it. I feel comfortable at the same time. I know that I don't entirely fit in Probably one of your main reasons for coming to Korea was to find your birth parents Yes, how did you go about? Trying to look for your parents was it like an easy process There couple different agencies around Korea But because I knew I came from Eastern Eastern Eastern Social Welfare Society right it was easy for me and just go through Eastern with their post adoption service and they had all your records right exactly first step was to contact post adoption email them yeah and Say I'd like to start the search And they sent me the paperwork and said you know these are the steps send us a letter for your birth parents and some pictures How are you feeling at the time you were just waiting to hear back from them? it was Agonizing I mean I couldn't help but get ahead of myself A little bit and think about how are they gonna react like are they going to want to meet me? Or are they going to feel like they gave me up? They were done like they that was their decision, and they don't want to have contact to me anymore also, I didn't know how long the search was going to take like I'd heard that it varies it can be as short as a Month or a couple months to like a year to five years Wow yeah Presumably on the phone when they probably got back to say hey, we found your parents Mm-hmm how did you feel my me like? I just cried like I had no words. It was just I felt relief we've done it like the search I've been successful and I'm going to hopefully meet my birth parents Just because they found him doesn't mean he does it necessarily wants to meet with you right. How did you go about solving that problem? well He was really emotional is what I was told. He was emotional He felt incredibly guilty he felt a lot of shame and so what he said was I need time to think and then I will Call back like later that time period that was about like two weeks Maybe in-between it was like I didn't know which way it was gonna go why did you want to meet your parents so badly? Is that just for some sort of closure? Yeah, I think closure And more so just figuring out where like what they look like Where I come from what my medical history is like nurture versus nature. What did I get from? growing up in America versus biologically So I guess the big moment where did you guys meet at Eastern? it's just very emotional so about two minutes passed, and they showed up and there they were and they came in and everyone just be just broke into tears and For five minutes we stood there And they embraced me and they both like had a hand and they just held me for as We all cried together and my dad was overcome with emotion particularly he was very They're very emotional about it What's the first thing they said to you? We're just so sorry. We really wanted to be here to meet you because we didn't want to let you down again Did they tell your brother Defective now you're exist that you exist no That's actually the one thing that Broke me before the meaning I found out that they weren't gonna tell my brother and that I also News flash have a younger sister Bonnie oh, I had the biological sister really raised a lot of questions for me Because it made me feel like I was replaced almost like It hit me so hard Did you ever challenge your biological parents on that yeah? You asked him that they're biologically related You know like I'd really like to be able to meet my brother and sister along with that. I'm sorry I am putting you in a difficult situation again But my mom is more on the fence because she feels like it'll make her look like a bad mother It's about really about saving her own face. Yeah a culture cultural thing I think you must have a lot of questions for them specifically in relation to why did you give me up? Yeah? while was there reasoned basically She was depressed They weren't doing well financially and then I was born with a cleft lip and palate And so they wanted me to grow up in a place where at the time? I guess like the medical care wasn't as good is it for that as it might have been in Another country so they wanted me to get the best medical care that I could did that answer Satisfy you it really made me appreciate My mom and dad back home and the fact that because I was born with my cleft lip and palate I was able to have an amazing life that I wouldn't trade for the world and amounted to me Being placed with a very loving family Back home in the United States with my mom. My dad my sister. I never stopped mom and yeah Hey mama Hey honey. How are you? I'm good, so I realized that it's less than two weeks until you leave yeah So I'm wondering how yeah, that's like wrap it up And it won't meant to hear and I wonder how that feels I thought a lot this morning About how my feelings are so strong that I almost can't Articulate like I just it's so difficult for me to put Into words because everything is so intense at this time ultimately. I'm really proud of myself 32 minutes Under taking The first time you've lived alone - and you've done very good with that , thank you But this point I'm very lonely Yourself looking forward to being with family Yeah, and just not Isolated. What are you most excited to do, when I come home. I wasn't thinking about Doing things so much as is about being with you Mm-hmm, I think that's more than anything and sitting on the couch and talking haven't your feet in my lap probably? Talking I've heard of some adoptees who have Like in the community who whose adoptive parents haven't been like very fond of Them pursuing the birth search I'm curious how has that been for you? throughout all of this I haven't Felt threatened at all about it, I think because it is so clear to me that I am your mom mm-hmm I felt like you were searching for your history and which makes perfect sense to me so I think and you want to maintain connection with them because They did you know you'd be birth, so I would be very sad if you decided to live in Korea whole time but on the other end I mean it is your life And I have to support you having it raised you to be strong them make good decisions and pursue your dreams, and you're doing that Okay, love you mom okay love you too muahh While you're in Korea is there anything that you've actually wanted to try out That you could never do it back home. Yes, I've been Wanting to try a hanbok, and I haven't been able to do that yet There are people wearing hanbok right there yeah, that's why you want to try That's a traditional Korean dress so I'd like to feel that The experiences, but we have to be my friend Alex. I'm also Korean adoptee So what do you think I love it? No, I do look at them Cheers Cheers What's your story like how were you adopted I don't know much, but my birth mom was an orphan she Had to work at a very young age And then she had me and so I actually stayed in orphanage then at four months old my parents adopted me I went to America, but one other people look at you, and you're you know loving American mom or your parents do they ask you about it, or did I question it and When they do how does that make you feel? I got a lot of what are you I did not like that Because I was like I'm a I'm a human being that's what I am. What are you? it's really hard to deal with because They're asking that they're asking us that because of what we look like and it's like no other Caucasian person go to go up to another Caucasian person and say what are you well was it like for you guys? When you arrived in Korea for the first time I mean this was like Six or seven years ago. No it was totally different than it is now Adoption was not known by the general public and I was told that the government was trying to hide it They were very embarrassed that they couldn't take care of a lot of their babies There was a huge influx of adoption around my year for sure in 87 There were like hundreds of thousands of babies being adopted why do you think that that was so prevalent in Korean society? We started after the Korean War Yeah, and I think it's a lot to do with the Korean society Domestic adoption is not popular here. It's that. No one is gone it takes them domestically because Bloodline is so important the fact that the government went so far to try to hide it because they were ashamed and then adoptees coming back here and Being yelled at because of it, I was so angry so who yelled at you Just random Koreans so coming here. I can't speak the language obviously I don't know a lot about the culture, but I'm on the subway And I'm reading my English book or I'm speaking English with other teachers who are also adoptees and that's the only way we can communicate yeah, there's Koreans out there that will yell at us where that did yell at us and it got me so angry and riled up because at that point I Was expecting them to like kind of welcomed me with a cloak of like with open arms I go here coming home I'm doing get to know your home country and They just yelled at me on a weekly basis And how did you deal with a Jew told back at him or after a while? Yeah, cuz I just it got so bad I was just so angry Cuz there was a so much resentment there cuz I wanted to say it's your fault, and I said that a lot of times It's your fault. It's your fault that I can't speak Korean I'm like so angry right now because I mean it's not my fault I was a baby I was four month old when you decided to give me up. Don't yell at me because I don't know your culture Don't yell at me because I don't know how to speak your language To their point seven years later. I tell someone that I'm adopted and it's like 180-degree different. They're like oh, I'm so sorry There's free stuff. Yeah Yeah, but I'm like I'm fine my life has been great. Yeah. Do you consider yourself? Korean or American If you asked me before I came to Korea. I would have said American first English What's interesting those after coming here after meeting my birth parents? after just living here Experiencing it for myself. I'm proud to be Korean like I feel way more Korean than I ever have there's so much that I never knew I was missing within me a part of me is Complete that I never entirely knew I was missing and I now feel at peace It's a beautiful day today. Yeah, I'm happy for that nice to leave on a somewhat Bright, and happy note. It's how you're feeling um I cried a little bit on the train coming over. Just thinking about well I've been crying all week actually my parents and having a say goodbye to them is really complicated and I can't eat it He's just so Daniel-san goodbye to a father how did it make you feel? My fault for her. I felt really sad I mean It's really hard to see them say goodbye to each other you live your whole life like wondering about these other people and then you meet them and Now she has to say goodbye Especially because it was her birth dad Do you think about your own birth parents that didn't come out to say goodbye to you? Yeah? I mean I see all my friends connecting with their families Having some kind of relationship like I would love to have that I would love to be able to find them and you know Be able to form a connection. I don't know I have a completely different story, so just seems really impossible.
