Bear Friends with Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura | Ep 58 | Bad Friends

we got that merch baby look at that this listen um the other day i was watching i walk around the house and uh jules was wearing rudy was wearing this sweatshirt and i saw the back and it made she put it away in my heart there's joy in her rudy put down those knives this is an authentic bad friend's sweatshirt that's right and if you want to be cool go to badfriendsmerch.com or if you're on youtube look down below there's all the on the merch bar you can click on one of those sweaters uh down below or whatever else we got there uh and buy yourself a rudy hoodie also i'm gonna be salt lake city uh dallas uh houston boston atlantic city um and then a bunch of other stuff go to andrew santino.com for dates andrew santino.com for dates yeah and i'm gonna be nowhere you're not doing stand-up yet yep come see me live andrew santino.com you two [Music] [Music] how you doing today bob welcome to the [ __ ] what is it called bear friends hey guys don't don't fix your dials on your dials what [ __ ] year is this i don't know you that's right you've tuned into the right show get ready to unsubscribe yep my name is bobby lee and i'm ditto andrew tito and tito andrew peter andrew i can call you tito tom okay oh calm down no just bert that sounds weird no but it sounds very like like okay detail bart it's good to see you you know why we do this at 4 00 p.m right why because the the guy that normally sits there sleeps till three so that's when you he does the show at 4pm this is amazing we do our show at 10 a.m i can't wait to do a podcast where you only get 200 000 subscribers [Laughter] who [ __ ] made out on this deal i know the [ __ ] bad friends are all of a sudden on a red podcast yeah it's pretty cool now the whole sudden we gotta [ __ ] lift them up we gotta come into this [ __ ] box and listen to this [ __ ] dope out there this so is this should this be like someone's like would this is this where people shoot heroin at this building this looks like uh this looks like a [ __ ] storage unit it's kind of sketchy right um i like it jesus jesus they have beaten the [ __ ] out of you haven't you do you have do you you can you know you can be honest with us you don't have to be like it's cool here i like andrew and i like bobby you can tell us the truth i don't like them thank you that's what i'm talking about thank you miss giuliani yeah thank you miss giuliani so miss giuliani how did you hook up with these guys i'm just out of curiosity um attica lila oh wait are you related yeah did you just get a tattoo no wait oh wait do you live with them yeah i know who the [ __ ] you are i know who the [ __ ] you are i just put the math together i was like she's filipino yeah of course you are really good at doing this man i'm sitting here going jesus is she like a [ __ ] kidnapped or something i know like blink twice if you need to get let loose i know she she was like i was i was in the philippines they promised me some modeling work they grabbed my passport next thing you know i'm sitting here on the third mic on a [ __ ] mediocre podcast looking some [ __ ] ginger talk to a [ __ ] korean guy to a guy who looks like an organism be honest hold on cheers cheers to bad friends to bad friends how bad is it to live with bobby oh that's right you live with bobby live with bobby um how gross is he so what time yeah like what what time does he get up to workout workout he wakes up around i guess two oh cause he's probably up all night reading playing playing what do you play like hide and go seek and stuff he plays um call of duty is it weird to you that a guy that that sleeps till 2 p.m and plays all night actually has a career like it owns a house yeah yeah right does it do you go like that's america like yeah you can kind of be like hey i don't really try but it's confusing but he does it so yeah what do you think is worse a guy who drinks every night starting at like say 4 30 until maybe 10 o'clock at night but then gets up and works out at eight in the morning do you think that's more self-destructive or a guy who starts playing video games at nine o'clock eats sour patch kids all night and plays until like and plays six in the morning and then sleeps till three who do you think's got more of a problem the second one right yeah do you think bobby would be better off if he just started drinking and using drugs again and never touched a video game yes right see i think i'm saving my own life now let's pick apart andrew okay okay now uh have you ever seen a redhead before when you saw it not in the philippines wait did was it exciting or gross when you first saw him i thought it was really weird yeah his beard was really red but that sounds like you're leaning more gross than girls like when you saw him you just thought he was holding his breath really hard yeah like they're like you're like the only thing i know is like like when stray dogs in my village have that little dart that comes out that looks like you yeah yeah how do you have like a pejorative term for redheads in tagalog or something no what would you i mean if you wanted to insult it they've never seen one well yeah that's like in america what do we call uh those little animals that put on a cape and then do flips off a wall oh we don't know what that is that's only in the philippines right what are those called um i just saw it on someone's twitter feed or a tick tock on tick tock there are these little animals that put on capes and they're like this tall and they run around the philippines those are dogs dogs yeah god damn it it's on someone's tick tock i just saw this today i'm obsessed with tick-tock by the way you are yeah that's a new obsession for you do you do the dance what the tic i don't do any of the dances what do you do i really like a lot of this knowledge i've accrued off tick-tock like those little animals that run around the philippines with capes on yeah and run off the wall it's an animal okay i'm gonna explain it to you george see if you can find it oh george is gonna struggle but go ahead it's an animal that runs up a wall and does a flip backwards off the wall how about this type in mythical animal philippines what mythical animals do you have in the philippines like in in our northwest we have a bigfoot right yeah and then uh in the in the and then way way way north they have the abominable snowman i just realized you sit here and you work with a [ __ ] fancy bee yeah isn't that rough knowing what they did to your country who's fancy [ __ ] the spaniard man the guy was like welcome to this show that guy will come here the spanish people were the first people in the philippines well they weren't the first people but they went there and they obviously weren't from the best people yeah they [ __ ] it up yeah really yeah sure was that why they resent them that's why the catholicism there really oh tom's peruvian they did the same thing to his people yeah except these people hit up on the top of a mountain at altitude and it took those guys forever to get up there and then like 60 of them kill the [ __ ] country so wait filipino mythical creatures that everyone should look out for multo do you know what that is malta is just a monster okay keep going yeah yeah yeah everybody we've all got those we got those let's scroll keep going yeah what's up it's i think it's just uh this big no it's a it's a lady i think she's really what no she i think she's a ghost okay okay how about a man that's old man a witch a witch oh looks like a witch which is kind of a cute witch i couldn't understand who you were and now i totally know who you are how about diwara is sigbing is it sig being a little creature no it's not i don't think so what's the little creature it's called a [ __ ] chihuahua what what um is it the windy is it duende i don't know look up the wednesday george get the [ __ ] on it god i i saw a real one on tick tock are the window real they say it's real they say it's real but it sounds like no one's captured it on tick-tock no some guys got one of those real that's like loch ness monster i wish you could go through and see the tick tocks that you did you're your wife got me addicted with tick tocks she creates the best curation dude some people in her story she always puts up the craziest ones i saw john uh john mayer yeah let's talk about john mayer for a second the singer comedian same one yeah yeah he does all of it this guy never paid him any mind in my life i know these friends of chapel i'm sure he's like probably a really cool guy to hang out yeah i'm sure he is he's never paid any mind to him though i i his music hit when i was already out of college have you ever heard of john mayer i know he's part of the grateful dead perfect so uh wait is she right by the way well he tours with them now okay i was like he's done at all part of the grateful dead he he um toured at like he i guess for more recently took the garcia slot i think oh yeah well that's the only one open i don't know he's like bob scoot over i'm gonna take your spot you play jerry i'm gonna play you yeah yeah so yeah yeah so he uh i guess he's really big on tick tock like he's into tick tock i didn't know that i guess i don't know but i never i never his music came out when i just moved to new york so like uh i never i wasn't the music i was listening to then was more i don't know limb biscuit corn yeah that's why i never really listened to him and then i i when i moved to l.a is when he got into comedy and you know how comics are when comic other people getting the comedy we're always like okay whatever yeah but he was friends with charade so i was like he must be a cool guy i know anything about him he made a tick tock today that made me laugh so [ __ ] hard can you play my tick tock i know i put it on my instagram stories pull up my instagram stories i think we can play his tech talk on this show right sure okay you ready here's the song i'm gonna play a bit of my song whiskey whiskey whiskey for you i don't have a harmonica i'm just gonna play without harmonica didn't like it that was funny did you like it did you get it though yeah no no maybe you should watch it again baby again i'm joking i just thought it was [ __ ] funny all right you said that [ __ ] really [ __ ] made you made me laugh hearty [ __ ] this morning why i don't know man i just oh by the way write down i can be a dj i could be a dj i could be a dj dude i'm djing hold on that's my thing now i'm djing wait when are you dj i'm djing a party in uh three weeks you are not you know that you realize that is like legit [ __ ] money uh yeah and you don't have to do anything all you have to do is put let's put your hand to your ear and go yeah yeah and then one two three four and smoke comes out smoke comes out i have i have a travel case dude no you don't yes i do no you don't have a whole serato set up yeah i'm doing a serato yeah shut up yeah man show me what you got on the thing i want to see your setup hey do you know how to dj yeah bro do videos of you djing i could send you a video yeah for real like like when you dj do you play mashups or do you do your own just beat and then just so yeah serato has this thing in the program where it's serrato it's the it's the actual software so the software that you plug your macbook into and it tells you the bpm beats per minute of every song so you can see those little those little boxes with all the squares that light up that's that's different so those you can you can put like drops in there you can cue things up so that you can have like you program songs to start at certain points you know it's a whole thing yeah and so how hard is it to learn because it looks pretty simple yeah it's easy man you got it yeah but um so wait this is back is this when you started djing that was right before i decided to take it seriously like seriously scale of one to ten what are you a better dj than john mayer is a comedian i don't know i don't want to i mean i heard he's really funny actually okay so that's my question though yes i don't know i don't know okay um could you i sold out a party no you didn't i sold out a party oh hold on one second sold out how big of how many people a couple hundred people for real yeah but it's after i do a show oh so you're going and then how much do they take us to your uh to your um to your gig two bucks 20 bucks yeah and so you're going to do a show then you're going to a club and you're gonna dj the club for another 20 bucks yeah so you're doing three shows three shots yeah yeah and the last one is just you up there and that's gonna go until like three in the morning yeah oh so that's a hard earned 20 and you're playing the whole time well yeah i mean no because they'll they have somebody else there that can kind of like he puts he puts his hard drive in and then he can split okay give me an example of someone that is famous that djs like you that you can dj like that you're like oh if you watch uh deborah de luca oh you know who who my idol is dj and questlove let me see quest love can you play some quest love but then just we can hear it do you know how to do that i feel like we're losing you really rudy no i'm listening okay it's just i don't know if i believe that you dj why is it because he's overweight no why it's because he doesn't have a full head of hair it's because he doesn't have long hair what do you expect a dj to look like and what doesn't tom have what excuse me yeah yeah i'm asking all the same questions and has anyone ever cleaned this mic just out of curiosity no i wouldn't imagine so that's that one i would be more scared of than this one oh no [ __ ] [ __ ] my lips been touching it i'm a little freaked out this is the one and only he's my idol okay so this is the kind of dj you doing so this is what you do well hold on i don't know what he's doing yet and they'll say dj dad all that [ __ ] probably no way i swear to god for real i swear to god and it'll be like two bears one cave one and i have my gameplay set up just like that her body her choice choice choice choice choice so basically basically give me let me get this right well see here's the thing as a d as a dj fan like if you're a fan of you as a dj yeah yeah then i'm just a fan of the same music you like you don't really create music i don't create music you just like play a little bit of a song and then play another little bit of a song and then do some like but it's about a vibe so you go like what what's the vibe like this right here this is a vibe right here but it's like a laid-back kind of like rhythmic almost electron that's what it sounds like from from where i'm at right now it sounds like it sounds like a nice it's like you're in a lounge at like a nice hotel that's what this you know i mean new york or hotel and they have like a lounge kind of going that's what this feels like but the one that said i'm going to do is a little more hype i don't know enough about djs to know about this guy so i don't know all i know is quest love is very famous as a dj as a personality as a musician as a yeah as a dj as a sure quest love i'm surprised oh i know quest love that's who we're talking about i didn't know i know quest love i know quest love is yeah yeah oh that's quest love was born in like 1971 right he's professionally known as i was thinking of question mark love gotcha not quest love when you say questlove you gotta say is his real street name hey take a look at this what look at this it's like she's trying to catch a bert oh yeah oh [ __ ] don't you did we schedule anything fun for them when they're at our studio because this is [ __ ] awesome no not at all shouldn't even i don't think she really knows what she's doing i think they told her to do this and she doesn't know what she's about do you regularly eat those yeah no you do not i do youtube bobby buys them for me no you're [ __ ] lying all right can you throw them on can you throw are you being serious no i can't give you one this is a bit this is a no why can't you give them one because i'm really hungry i just came back from school you're gonna eat all of them yeah there's only four you're gonna eat four right now yeah how you're so hungry from school yeah i didn't eat what are you what are you a physical trainer what do you study what do you go to i'm still in high school you're in high school how old are you 19. what year are you in high school senior year hey wait is this a whole bit is she even filipino oh yeah are you from guatemala no all right this isn't real i don't think let's find out yeah let's see if hell i'm gonna call santina [ __ ] she loves you who i did i did um what's it called what's his tiger belly yeah man hey man we definitely haven't started yet because bobby's late but also i don't want to like talk [ __ ] or like come off like i'm not appreciative of this but like yeah nadav answers the door and i said hey man great to see you and he goes let's get this going you get everybody said to me jesus oh jesus enough what is that about dude i just i i don't get it i don't know if that's his thing now he's got a lot he's got a lot of pent up like j anger deep within you know he does yeah you know and i don't know he was like i'm on break when i said hey will you help me set this thing up he said i'm on break and he was in the second room there just eating nickels he was just killing nickels that sounds right he does that because he thinks they're pennies now let me ask you something uh there's no way this is [ __ ] real so giuliani's over here and she's [ __ ] just going [ __ ] ham on these uncrustables yeah so you know they're bart's favorite treat and then i go hey can you throw him one she goes there's only four and i'm hungry [Laughter] the kids gotta eat though but well well make like make bart do something for it you know what i mean like what i mean but four i mean what the [ __ ] she weighs like 80 pounds she can't just eat four dude we let her eat only on the show otherwise she goes back in her cage when she goes back home she doesn't get to eat until we take it so when we film she's allowed to snack and then after we film she goes back in her cage but i will say this make bart do some semblance of a competition to get one of those for her she loves competition okay i'll do that and let me tell you something else just before i let you go here um we were really excited to work with like a high level producer and that [ __ ] is not happening over here no it's not no no it's not is it the is it the mexican kid or the what is the argentinian or whatever is he there i don't know where the [ __ ] he's from he looks like he's from north africa yeah he's he's atrocious and is uh is a pink dick there george yeah and he it takes him [ __ ] 30 minutes longer to search for [ __ ] than it takes native he couldn't even search quest love he's right here doesn't like what's going on at the studio he's mad what's going on dude it's terrible i mean [ __ ] rudy won't share her snacks um uh [ __ ] the the fancy bee is he's just like he's holding his pinky up when he talks to us like he's real fancy and then george is terrible at everything that a producer would do okay can i just say this yeah at least we don't have to drive nine hours to get to the [ __ ] studio you piece of [ __ ] but your studio sucks hey this studio is like three blocks from my all house you owe me [ __ ] gas money you [ __ ] i'm sad my dog almost died today you piece of [ __ ] i have to drive all the way out of you i'm saying you ever [ __ ] talk to me like that again you have another thing all right bye-bye all right bye jesus guys that went well yeah that went really well i feel like we solved a lot of issues by the way i wish nadav was really like his genuine [ __ ] self to them like genuinely like the way you get attitude from him and you go i don't think you meant to say it that way and he just has his mask on and it's up on his eyes because he's overweight and he's just breathing and his glasses are all foggy he got vaccinated because he's so fat are you serious yeah they they have a um they have a thing if you're like morbidly obese uh you do a thing online and you can get it so he got it and he was like bragging about it you know like he's like oh i'm so fat that i can get vaccinated so then i wish i by the way i look jacked just in my arms real right super jacked like just i mean this is like that's crazy when you see this don't you're 19. i have a hard time talking to her right now can i i'll ask for him are you children do you feel like like that's a nice box nope i don't even want to know the answer i just eat your own crust a big arm it's a big arm yeah well yeah you're 19. you're around high schoolers all day yeah do you feel like it's a dad bod yeah but like a respectable one yeah oh my god i love learning see learning a second language is uh traditionally a little bit tough to do 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upstart.com bad friends how did you end up moving in with bobby and when and when they said you can move in with my boyfriend he's a movie star you were like whoa jet li no i didn't really know him so i didn't care you didn't know him at all no like you've never heard of him or anything how bad are the philippines that you moving with bobby's better [Laughter] it's a pretty good question i guess did you live in the philippines and then came here to live with bobby yeah and how long ago did you move here last year last year so did you only have a year left in the philippines or no um yeah a year left jesus we need to get more children on our side yeah are you opening a third yeah are you [ __ ] serious this isn't real how often do you do this this is real i'm hungry every day you do this every day you eat four uncrustables you would have been perfect for our show like krispy kreme donuts how many donuts can you can you go through like a krispy kreme six you can just rip through six of donuts you want to [ __ ] up some donuts look at georgia run down the yum yums yeah it's right down the streets did you eat dinner will you eat dinner oh yeah i will what will you have you think eggs and rice eggs keeping it real [ __ ] old oh my god do you know what i had the other day motherland [ __ ] dessert huh do you know what i had the other what's that i took uh pasta in fried egg the greatest [ __ ] thing i've ever had in my life you never had that before never had in my life and i will have it every day now i just made a big i made a big thing of angel hair pasta and you put that in a pan i take the i take the pasta and it's cold it's out of the fridge and i it's got butter in it garlic little capers a little bit of lemon and i kind of let it i toss it a little bit just get it warm and then i run it like a circle around it like put a circle like a toilet and i put a egg in the center and then close the top put uh parmesan on top of it wait do you but do you mix up the eggs you just let it side up sunny side up it's the best thing i've ever had and then crack the yolk when you're done so then i put it on a plate and i uh and then i very slow i take my time with it i've never taken my time with anything i have a little pasta i put in a little squirrel and then i break the egg yolk and i have the egg yolk in the center and i dip it in the egg yolk take a bite dude it's the best you're making me [ __ ] hungry right it's one of the best things i feel like i could eat [ __ ] four uncrustables right now [ __ ] it up i i've i've never enjoyed something more what's like a typical breakfast in the philippines eggs and rice eggs like but scrambled eggs and rice or like fries i wouldn't mind i'll tell you what i wouldn't mind fried a fried egg on top of some rice and oh and like you guys have hot hot cheetos my filipino friend brought over went to a store and brought over these like filipino sausages too oh you're from the philippines do you wipe your ass with your hand leaves leaves ah joe yeah see i wipe my ass with my fingers sometimes hold on don't look at me you just said leaves she just went like this okay so wait so i jo what's the bowl in the philippine that everyone has it's got a caught a bowl not a bowl no no no no joe coy sells them on his website they're like what are they called um can you imagine if i did that to you if you're like you want coffee i go let's go coffee sand coffee okay joe joe coy has and something and i thought it goes by your toilet and you dip your fingers in it wipe your ass right yeah some people do that yeah it's way [ __ ] but do you still use leaves when you're here no yeah she goes she's going outside hey where are you going why not though why not get a bunch of leaves and then bring them in because there's a nice bathroom inside oh okay i'm just asking jesus i don't mind what kind of leaves i wouldn't mind trying to leaf yeah what kind of leaf any kind of leave as long as it's like brown and big because you don't want thin can i tell you can i tell you already then you get dookie on your hand can i already tell you yeah when she said leaves i assumed it was a handful of elite like small tiny leaves and you just kind of just were like i just hope not get on my finger and then you said big i went yeah that makes more sense yeah i'd go out to the [ __ ] bird of pain that's for like one of those the leaves are for an outdoor dookie though right yeah oh you know go out get some leaves come back in yeah i would yeah okay yeah taco bell or taco bell just got a brand new um they have leaves no they got a brand new you're gonna eat a lot of leaves for this taco bell they just got a brand new cheese cheese looper what is it taco bell's got a brand new thing i don't know that's the fancy b fancy b just type in taco bell and then news que salupa quesa loop it's only that looks like 10 calories that looks like a [ __ ] just a talk man the case of lupa that's some [ __ ] [ __ ] right fancy baby yeah that thing is [ __ ] i mean is that even a thing hold on hold on one second are you are you proclaiming that thing as [ __ ] or should we try it and decide if that thing is [ __ ] i'm proclaiming it you're proclaiming it yep this is a guy who knows oh yeah yeah i know my tacos did you say tacos the word is tacos tacos we're very specific about accents on our show yeah name a country i'll do an accent oh this is a fun game go ahead argentina ah argentina there you go really good okay okay i'll get ready i'll say all right but no hi i'm from argentina i'm so sorry my cow got into your yard however let me grab my boroderos i will catch him bring him back over to my house i'll make a little bit of that green stuff i like to make and put on my meat and then we will have some argentinian beef all right next one friends friends we miss you i'm so sorry i gave you herpes i am smoking and i could not talk properly as i drank my wine and came on your teeth we we miss you very good how about australia okay all right mate let me get these aborigines out of here get my kangaroo and i'll catch this crockey and i'm gonna throw it in the back of my big truck you're nailing it today keep going [Laughter] germany and i'm from germany i like to be tied up and [ __ ] on that is my thing cause i'm from germany kind of fading off there but yeah it was good first first three greenland greenland hello i am from greenland very nice to have you in my country a lot of people assume that iceland has green stuff and green and as i stopped but it's not that way i'm from greenland would you like a piece of whale keep going russia hello i am russian are you the machine you are okay i think my accent's following your part back to france i think i'm going back to france nailing it nailing it korea korea i'm not gonna do that one do it in honor of that no no no no no no no no no hi i'm bobby bobby lee i take my shirt off i have a small dick all right yeah um yeah i don't do i only do white people accents because it's racist to do other than that i think right is that how that works yeah wait so you oh do you give them permission can you do can you do a week in permission to do it yeah i give you permission you're not korean filipino okay filipino is that it does that sound like it no no okay ready you do my accent to me okay and uh just word for word really really try to make it sound like me okay hi i'm bert christopher wow that was really good really [ __ ] good that was really good that was really good okay okay ready keep going ready okay and and i have aids i have aids well if that's not meaningful i don't know what it is yeah that's pretty good that was pretty [ __ ] great that was really great do you want this to do yeah it would okay i would love it so are you familiar with who either of us are uh no oh how do you say thank you in filipino salamat salama with a tea salami salam alaikum assalaamu alaikum i don't know that is it from salamat is that same same are you catholic yeah me too what are you doing for easter nothing you're not gonna pray you're not gonna go to church no he has risen we just don't do that jesus these are nice and cold too can i tell you she's three deep already watch this yeah wait wait yeah you're american all right all right all right i've been sleeping like [ __ ] really yeah lately i need to [ __ ] call bobby and figure out how to do it right because i've been getting up to pee at like 3 34 and i don't go back to sleep i stay awake stay awake till like 6 30 and then get up with panic attacks no but just like my mind runs and then you know i've been getting pretty high like with edibles to go to sleep i think i'm getting too high like i'm i'm like buzzing see that's what i'm afraid of i'm afraid i'm gonna that's why i'm afraid to take edibles so i'm afraid i'll take it and then wake up with searing anxiety attacks hmm that could happen it's already wake up with anxiety attacks if i drink i wake up with anxiety attacks if you drink so don't you have them pretty often i didn't quit drinking but i just stopped for a while because i was like this is killing me but you didn't you just drank the other night oh yeah last night but i'm not drinking tonight okay but you have anxiety last night then yeah in the middle of night what time searing anxiety like really like four in the morning and i go i go to i go don't only hear watch don't look at your watch don't leave your watch and then i look at my watch i'm like i don't know i swear to god there should be a game what's your anxiety about death death i'm [ __ ] my life up and i'm dying from what just drinking too much and partying and not eating right kind of another one by the way are you gonna eat it or you ate three [ __ ] uncrustables yeah does she really do this all the time yeah jesus that's unbelievable i need like uh i'm like thirsty thirsty today you are what do you want oh yeah i'll take a water i'll take both of them i have a problem with excess have you ever gotten drunk before yeah oh for real what's the drinking age in the philippines any age just get down when was the first time you got drunk how old were you 12. no not drunk but i you drank it i drank at 12 but i got drunk at 16. um do you have any questions you'd like to ask me um do you know who i am you're a comedian yeah do you do you know mine do you know which one's bert which was tom irritate the board yeah okay i love that tito [ __ ] do you um have you ever seen them just stand up no do you ever watch stand up um a little who do you like to watch i like wait john mullaney oh yeah yeah yeah everyone does like give us someone that like no one likes yeah i mean jesus enjoy hey do you for real jokoy he's [ __ ] hilarious all right he also sells stadiums out let's give us like give us like a [ __ ] obscure one you're like oh you know who i really like which i didn't think you'd know about is no yeah do you like bobby's stand up i don't watch do you like andrew stand up i don't know wayne and racist yeah i think you by the way you made the right choice hey did you like american my recommendation in and of itself on hulu could not sit through it why not what was the point of it that's an interesting question um what what do you think the point of it was uh i i'm sh i had to be had to have a really great secret ending where he was related to every secret ending or something had to have something because i was i mean i don't mean to [ __ ] on it i'm sure that guy is extremely talented he is he is he's a uh but here's the other thing is like i did a podcast with him i know i saw that and then i was like and you're like i don't want to give away your show and so i was like okay it's going to be a good show i started watching with leanne and sager [ __ ] do you guys have the word [ __ ] in philippines um what is it we can say piste or putangina putang ninga putaninga leotang ina puntang and that's the the [ __ ] specs did that they came there and they can say that he's spanish um the uh i hope you don't think i'm apologizing for [ __ ] and i'm just frightened i can say it too just goes i don't get it it's like five minutes in five minutes in yeah so now i'm like she's because it takes a little longer because he's like this is the crosstalk yeah whatever yeah and so and leanne's like i don't get it where is this going where is this going and i'm like hey can you stop please because i'm trying to enjoy it and she's like okay yeah that's how to ruin it yeah and then she's like it's slow and i was like babe it's not slow it's just he's building to something yeah and then i'm rooting for him i'm like please do something [ __ ] big oh yeah and then 45 minutes in 47 minutes in he's still kind of done anything big and i'm like i mean he brings it was interesting when he's like all right can the person that was here at the last show stand up yeah that person stands up you'll be here tomorrow you don't know what's going on they don't know what's going on yeah it's like building to something i'll watch the second half it was just at 47 minutes i was sober and i was like it needs to speed up okay like there's not a lot of action and then i'm like i'm definitely not watching settle settle yeah yeah yeah well no because i'm like i don't can't trust your [ __ ] your your recommendations you can see the feedback on my recommendations no yes have you guys seen uh in and of itself yeah fancy did you like it i loved it how the [ __ ] bro listen to me okay you saying that you didn't get it and tapped out is an endorsement of the show [Laughter] and zero zero zero is unbelievable it is unbelievable so you think the guy that did in and of itself watched in and goes yeah i didn't want you to watch it no i don't think he said that at all he's a he's a really really nice interesting very nice very but by the way his face doesn't change in a podcast or that show yeah yeah it's almost like he's got like he's got a [ __ ] but you don't know where the bathroom is like he's like this like he would laugh at that i'm assuming he would laugh at that i saw i saw him on the podcast as soon as i saw my podcast i go all right i'm watching it in and of itself yeah and i start watching it and it's i mean he's good like with card stuff it was really good yeah but i need something big okay there's big stuff i'll tell you what i'll watch the rest of it tonight i'll give you feedback okay tomorrow on our podcast and now just so you know zero zero zero is is we're not talking about the same type of thing at all that is a crime saga insane story eight episode that's it they're only doing one season they spent 165 million dollars on eight episodes for real yeah it better look like 165 million hey man this is a [ __ ] show what's so rude what's the problem everything's a problem the [ __ ] the chairs goddamn rudy your staff you know i come in here dude i come in here dude right speak english speak english go ahead oh that's very funny i come here right and i say hi to the the the larger guy that works here right and then i come in here i say hey nevada right the guy other guy the jew right so nice even though i was 20 minutes late so nice right 30 minutes late right what are you doing over there that woman that in there her name is jules she's she's my daughter pretty much they're trying to steal her food that's crazy hey i guess what what bert took one of her own crustables how are they they're really kind like a white person everything is good everything is good hey i got to tell you something hung up on him [Applause] oh that was fun oh dear bobby yeah me beyond these the only underwear i use on my body i have them i got a mom right now as well me undies believes that comfort is about more than what's touching your skin it's about feeling comfortable in your skin and that's what i feel when i'm wearing my undies i like their styles i like the way they fit my body um that's all i have in my underwear drawer now you have a beautiful little body i love your little body i love your little masculine body thank you they go from size xs to 4xl so whether you're a teeny tiny or whether you're a big bulky person it doesn't really matter they got you covered baby i just like their patterns too they're cute you can always tell they go oh my god i know that that's a me undies from afar if i'm looking at an underwear drawer because they just look specifically cute and they're cute and nice they are very cute never run out of undies or worry about skipping laundry again with the undies membership by the way this is cool each month replenish your basics and build from your collection with styles that are anything but basic that's so cool because you should be throwing away your underwear and replacing it more often most people some people let it linger jules uh has had the same underwear for 14 15 years it should change love your butt and get the membership me undies has a great offer for our listeners any first-time purchasers you'll get 15 off and free shipping me undies also has their problem-free philosophy if you're not satisfied with any product for any reason they'll refund or exchange it no caveats caveats no questions so get 15 of your first order and free shipping go to undies.com bad friends that's meundies.com bad friends rituals oh my god i love vitamins and well you should know what you're putting in your body a lot of people don't know what they're putting in their body yeah and uh ritual is clean vegan for any multivitamin it's formulated with high quality nutrients and bioavailable forms so your body can actually use it i'm going to tell you what this doesn't have it doesn't have sugars gmos right major allergens right synthetic fillers or other artificial colorants i hate artificial colorants you know like phony stuff this is all real good it's a multivitamin that contains key nutrients that your body can actually use all right yeah there's nothing shady in there it's also got vitamin d3 which you know i need it i need it you'll always know what nutrients you're taking and where they come from thanks to rituals one of a kind visible supply chain they tell you what's going on hey look if you're not taking a multivitamin uh you're missing out on key nutrients your body needs it's good for you it's so convenient too get key nutrients without the bs ritual is offering our listeners 10 off during your first three months visit ritual.com bad friends to start your ritual today ritual.com bad friends that thing's just staring at me yeah you really i i can i can tell [ __ ] up some taco bell i don't cause i don't feel like eating on a podcast counts as calories it doesn't and plus you worked out today i ran five miles five and a half miles do you think i could run the la marathon maybe i did yeah that's a good trick question for someone does it look like i do triathlons i do yeah i work out like crazy i just it doesn't show like my body doesn't show it oh the arms show those arms are no joke let's see how much do you curl i have no idea that like 50 pounds 50 pounds in each arm 20 times 20 times that's cool how's that deadlift going three or five just like that first time first of all time for three or five and then right now i'm do i do 60 of that weight uh 12 times four different sets and then i do 75 of that weight six times 12 difference or six times four different sets look at you man yeah i'm really lifting weights my back is strong as [ __ ] right now i believe you i feel good i feel good i love lifting weights i really am turning into a meat head right like when you like you ever get up and you feel good and you've been lifting weights and then you go in the mirror and you're like goddamn i look [ __ ] good and then you're what you hear your wife go like it's not that bad do you think bobby's ever gonna have kids he wants to but decalila doesn't want to she doesn't want kids i didn't know it was like that i figured it would be the other way around i definitely thought it would be i definitely would guess it's the other way around you know what she said about you who kalella what she was like i love him i'm pretty amazing only you would take it like that wait say it again she was just saying how how she had the best time podcasting with you because we're both we both have the same ocds we have a lot in common really like we're very both very broken people like all our all our [ __ ] eccentricities all dial into the same [ __ ] really yes what i did is before i did their podcast i got a covet test and then sent it to them and so more a mask going in and then told everyone i was taking a mask off and then she was like just you know she's a worried about the kovid and she was like just thank you for doing all that it means a lot wow i didn't do any of that yeah i know i walked in here you're already raw dog dogging everyone talking on the phone yeah i'll take the private jet to [ __ ] shut up have you ever flown in a private jet no oh you should hang out with tom he goes every week it's got a hot tub in it hey i think you're going on one pretty soon where are you going again it's pretty far isn't it pretty far no it sounds like a long flight oh okay okay interesting how that works yeah you walked into that one didn't you i walked right in yeah you sure did all right let's uh let's read a script they wrote scripts for us this is the scenery hey andres yes were you offended by my use of the pejorative word [ __ ] no i'm from spain yeah that means you're a [ __ ] oh you know what that stands for no i thought those words were used with mexicans no sir okay so then yes i'm offended how does this i have no idea i'm not wigs freak me out yeah i guess you're andrew oh where's your wig i don't know okay katie is sitting with regina you are regina i'm regina yes okay i look good i'm playing a woman yeah yes although you are women do you guys do a script every episode not every episode just this one wait you're who i'm regina and who am i kate patty wait and who's uh rudy gretchen okay where's gretchen at she's in there next page okay here we go do you guys gonna read the action or do you want us to read the action sure i'll read the action okay okay interior cafetria a few minutes later caddy's sitting with regina and her best friend karen and gretchen these are the plastics why i don't know why don't i know why don't i know you i'm dyslexic why don't i know you i'm new i just moved here two weeks ago from africa what i used to be homeschooled wait what my mom taught me at home no i know what homeschooled is i'm not [Music] so actually you've never been to a real school before no shut up regina looks at gretchen excited then looks back at caddy if she was starting staring at a unicorn shut up i didn't say anything you know you're really pretty thank you so you agree what oh this is from [ __ ] mean girls yes oh okay oh i'm like wait this is a [ __ ] dick stole this from someone so you think you're really pretty oh i don't know regina grabs catty's arm to look at katy's bracelet it's a white brown leather band with decorative holes punched in it where did you get that bracelet i love it my mom made it it's adorable it's so fetch well what is fetch it's like slang from england reginald rosaris so if you're from africa why are you white oh my god regina you can't just ask people why they're white catty could you give us some privacy for like one second sure regina gretchen turn around and whisper okay let me oust say say that we don't do this a lot so you should know that this is like a huge deal we want to invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of the week uh okay great so we'll see you tomorrow on wednesdays we wear pink can we take that from the top now that i know i think so you can let's do it one more time i've never seen this movie oh it's [ __ ] fetch it is so good it is [ __ ] it's a really good movie and can i just say that i think that if we're gonna give second shots to people if we're bringing back paris hilton right yeah and now everyone that ever made fun of her paris hilton is getting cancelled for it then we should bring back [ __ ] lindsay lohan she is awesome is she gone or something no but just no one's giving her a second chance and the the [ __ ] world trash lindsay lohan and she was an awesome [ __ ] actress an awesome actress i'll tell you right now if i have money i put her in a movie yeah in a heartbeat she was [ __ ] awesome freaky friday with jane curtin nothing curtain jane never mind i hope you get to make a movie someday all right let's go ahead here we go here we go and from the top take them from the top read our action a little faster wait hold on stop what's up give me direction i don't know i don't know what i'm reading here so uh okay oh i'm so sorry okay so you're lindsay lohan that's katie yeah and right now you're in like sloppy dressed you're like dressed like a hippie your mom is you're really smart but you don't want those these girls to know that okay and you've never interacted with people because you were born in africa and your mom homeschooled you okay and so you don't know how to interact so like when when we get to the part where i say where i say uh so you think you're pretty like i'm trying to trick you because i'm a mean girl yeah right so you're just like kind of confused like no wait okay okay okay all right so you kind of just uh so wait you're catty right katie right katie yeah katie katie okay okay here we go let's try it from the top are you ready yeah and also maybe you set up rudy's character too who the [ __ ] rudy rudy oh yeah yeah rudy you're you're stupid okay so you're played by you're played by um uh jennifer love hewitt is it jennifer love hewitt amanda siegfried is amanda siegfried yep so you're kind of stupid okay it's like that's so fetch okay okay so you really like that can you do that actually let's try to get that accent off the ground ready okay here we go can can you do like a valley girl oh no that's so hard like oh my god do this go ah i'm gonna say otherwise like that oh my god there you go you got it you got it great job great job that was killing it rudy okay try that at school you'd be like one of the cool girls you guys eat like four uncrustables every day i had rice and egg today i wanted to grab the bar i wipe with lips you guys okay okay so really really bring that action andres okay we're going yeah interior hey can i no offense okay but you're really selling your own passionate language down the [ __ ] drain here can you read it with a little like read it like we're in bed okay okay yeah there you go like like you're talking to a woman like your name is montoya and i killed your father there you go katie is sitting with regina oh right come on sexier yeah sexy okay let's not do it like you're just checking to see if we have stolen cigarettes in our backpacks interior cafetria a few minutes later carrie is sitting with regina and her best friend karen these are the plastics why don't i know you oh i'm new i just moved here two weeks ago from africa what i i used to be homeschooled wait what my uh my mom taught me at home no i know what homeschooled is i'm not so actually you've never been to a real school before no shut up regina looks at gretchen excited then looks at caddy again as if she was staring at a unicorn shut up i i didn't say anything you know you're really pretty thank you so you agree what you think you're really pretty oh i don't know regina grabs cat catty's arm to look at caddy's bracelet it's a white brown leather band with the corrective holes punch in it where did you get that bracelet i love it my mom made it for me it's adorable it's so fetch it's it's like wait what is fetch it's like slang from england regina rolls her eyes so if you're from africa why are you white oh my god regina so good great you're kidding me you're killing it you can't just say you can't just ask people what they want [Laughter] kenny can you give me surprise for like one second regina and gretchen turn around and whisper okay let me just say that we don't do this we don't do this a lot so you should know that this is like a huge deal we want to invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of the week oh okay great so we'll see you tomorrow on wednesdays we wear pink we wear pink broody that was [ __ ] oh my god that's amazing [ __ ] amazing awesome you really take directions i look good give us another scene come on give us we're so in the [ __ ] no this looks this is [ __ ] fun here you go what you got for us all right one of you can be the director one of you can be the uh rudy as well as well he is will all right tom i think i should help direct rudy in this yes okay and then tom you play sean what's this from or do we not know i know what it is yeah okay let's read it one time okay let's read it one time i already know what this is and rudy is will will okay rudy's will okay go ahead it's gonna be tough rudy okay sean interior shawn's office day sean looks to turn it's will he's standing in the doorway i can come back sean smiles a beat will sees a file on sean's desk what's that oh this is your file i have to send it back to the judge with my evaluation you're not going to fail me are you sean smiles so what what's it say you want to read it no have you had any experience with that 20 years of counseling you see a lot of no have you had any experience with that yes it sure is it sure ain't good my dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was going to beat us with actually the worst of my beatings were between me and my brother one we would practice on each other trying to find sticks that would break he used to just put he just he used to just put a belt a stick and a wrench at the kitchen table and say choose gotta go with the belt there i used to go with the wrench the wrench why because [ __ ] him that's why is that why me and skyler broke up i didn't know you had do you want to talk about that i don't know a lot will but let me tell you one thing all this history this [ __ ] look here son well i'm sorry i got so lost in the acting who's been looking away looks at sean this is not your fault oh i know it's not your fault i know it's not your fault i know it's not your fault i know it's not your fault don't [ __ ] with me it's not your fault i know it's not i know i know okay sean takes his arm puts him around will ben affleck shows up this ladies and gentlemen is good will hunting never seen it are you serious okay here so you're robin williams okay okay so you need to really vary your accent a little up like uh you gotta really robin williams it up yeah i would take the wig off yeah sure now you're gonna need a boston accent southie if we can what is that okay you're gonna pack the car okay pack the car ah that [ __ ] [ __ ] that get your new billboards [ __ ] [ __ ] that guy hey got that okay that's a really good bourbon yeah yeah yeah yeah ready so so let's work on let's work on i can come back okay i've never worn head it's almost like a bird like a boston person sounds like a bird that's standing outside your window and wake you up in the morning okay so then let me hear that i can come back i can come back that's perfect boston accent good that is a perfect boston accent so if you can say that now here's the only thing i'm gonna need you to do okay these are the two notes i'm gonna give you when we get to you guys really connect when he says when he says the wrench why i need you to take your time i want you to look down and then i want you to look up confident now you're confident right now okay and i want you to smile at tom and with your boston accent go because vodka that's why okay it's a little i mean you're gonna do the boston better accent better than that like you're gonna smile like [ __ ] confident because you're about to lose your [ __ ] because what i need right here it's not your fault i know smiles i know like this like this ready i don't wanna i don't wanna give you a line reads but like this the first one i know right and then he's gonna go hey it's not your fault and then you're gonna go i know and then he's gonna go it's not your fault and then you look him in the eyes i know okay and then when he goes it's not your fault i want you to now you're about to cry i'm getting chill bumps you're about to cry can you cry on command no okay bite your inner lip like this can i throw something at you will that freak you out maybe bite your lip and i want you to start crying don't [ __ ] with me okay don't [ __ ] with me is when you start to go don't [ __ ] with me okay that's when i want to see emotion and then he's gonna go it's not your fault then i want you to go around the thing and hug her it's not your fault and then i i know you're falling apart okay at the end so you need to build to that smiles serious i know right and then hey don't [ __ ] with because you don't want to cry because you're a guy from boston and all you've ever done is like sip beers and and shoot pops and and [ __ ] hit kick cars cat ready cars and cats car say cow wall buggers yeah there you go that's the boston accent all right we're gonna take it from the top there we go here we go you got your accent you got your accent wait say it again okay no i can come back huh say i can she wants you to say i can come back the way you want her to say it oh the first line oh oh i forgot to do it i can come back now i'm lost in my accent can you play a boston accent up here type in boston accent youtube this is his exact accent if we could hear it voice but that's your voice that's what it's like no i mean no i i i i would have to put it on to do a really sharp one you ready um teach me a what should i say if little boston to boston like the word ma right for your mother yeah yeah you could say is my downstairs any sort of the eastern accent is acceptable okay so just damn [ __ ] my i you know i don't got and feel free to if you don't if you don't like the word also just go abba if you want to do it with like another nation's accent that works too okay okay okay all right all right i can come back okay okay let's go i might not be the best dialect coach i'm i'm digging it but let's start okay here we go interior sean's larva's day shawn turns to look it's will he's standing in the doorway i can come back sean smiles you're killing it i keep there sean smiles a beat will sees a file on sean's desk what's that oh you're doing great you're doing great you're doing great you are this is your file i i have to send it back to the judge with my evaluation you're not gonna fail me are you you're killing it you're killing it sean smiles so what's it say you want to read it nah have you had any experience with that 20 years of counseling you see a lot of nah have you had any experience with that yes it's dying good my dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was going to beat us with actually the worst of the beatings were between me and my brother we'd practice on each other trying to find sticks that would break he used to watch just he used to just put a belt a stick and a wrench on the kitchen table and say choose gotta go with the belt there i used to go to red the wrench why because [ __ ] him that's why perfect a long quiet moment is that why me and scala broke up i i didn't know you had do you want to talk about that but i i don't know a lot will but let me tell you one thing all this history this [ __ ] look here son will we've been looking away look say sean this is not your fault i know yeah there we go there we go more accent it's not your fault smiling a smile as well i know it's not your fault i know it's not your fault i know it's not your fault don't [ __ ] with me it's not your fault i know it's not i know i know oh no i want to direct a high school musical rudy rudy you're cute oh my god you're amazing what are you talking about you're an actor you really are you've nailed the accent i mean i really thought you were from southie i almost wanted to buy a cod off you bobby's going to lose his place as the acting king in your in your house jesus jesus is right good will hunting or range you played a white chick a valley girl and you played will uh tom matt damon you were fantastic you're [ __ ] amazing i can't believe this piece of [ __ ] isn't answering the phone god i think people are going to be blown away paul bobby bobby you think he'll answer yeah what if it weren't a ring super offensive elizabeth banks struggles with a boston accent what accent do you think i have i don't know a normal one really crazy i think that america is just like accent free they're not answering those guys are too good to answer um the [ __ ] worst i forgot i had a wig on and i was like does it feel good wait you're not going to do it because leanne doesn't want it it doesn't want me to get hair transplanted did he just call right back he did santini brandy hey hey oh my god what the [ __ ] is that what happened oh my god tommy tom uh bobby just hocked up what looks like a tonsil stone that's that's no [ __ ] i'm not kidding it's the size of like an m m hey that's huge it's on your table it's gonna stay there oh listen what's up rudy just [ __ ] won an oscar she's got chops she's an actor man she's an actor like we know how dope she is by the way yeah uh the crew over here is loving us and uh and he even said to us like this is a completely different level guys a new level can we dumb it down a bit you know yeah you should you should nikov nikov said slow down a little bit yeah you guys are crushing way too hard for the time like he's like usually uh hey tell them if they're having a good time do two episodes yeah yeah hey listen we need to bank some shows go ahead and do a second for us good good goal hey but i feel like rudy's 10 times the actor bobby is i feel like it's going to cause some problems at home oh his face just dropped his face oh my god oh my god dude no he's stretching his face but wait why why doesn't he nervous when he touches his face when he gets sad he touches his face why doesn't he ask her for help when he has auditions and stuff she's she's uh accent queen oh dude you're getting him he's touching [Laughter] he's saying pretty racist [ __ ] but just give him a second bobby says he wants to poop on the table oh that sounds like a bobby move oh man that'd be great it's so fun doing this it's a really good idea i'm so glad we switched to you how the [Laughter] his phone's ringing pick up your phone nevada sanitize the mics please sanitize the mics he said first of all you guys got corona that's true now i already had it yep bobby is impervious to it how's your impervious because you know they say if you're his blood type is soy sauce they can't get it dude he eats birds oh [ __ ] you might honestly you might hey let me see where they are i want to see how close they are to mike yeah he wants to see can they see all right hold on oh bobby's on my side oh [ __ ] you disappointed that he's on that you're on his side bobby's mad right now he's pissed off that you said that about the acting thing oh really oh he thinks it's a waste of time okay okay all right all right all right all right love you i love you bye do you want to ask any more questions to us um do you like bad friends all right that was a good episode i think yeah it was a lot of thank you for being a bad friend is that how it ends yeah hang on let me let me make sure we've covered all the subjects we didn't sing a song let's [ __ ] go we didn't sing a song we should sing one song why um what's up what's a good what's a good song that incorporates bad friends daddy why you die oh yeah daddy while you die what's that song that's it you don't know daddy why you died [Music] daddy please come back it's just [Music] we'll sing it [Music] i love is i love this i love this all right yeah have you guys ever have you ever heard the song elephant in my backyard i think you could probably sing along okay go there's the [Music] [Music] [Applause] okay have you guys ever heard the song i went fishing and guess what i caught okay here we go here we go you ready ready yeah i think you know at the beginning oh i went fishing [Music] is this a special needs song this is how they teach okay i want to sing this song i want to sing this song let me tell you why i love you okay okay ready [Music] [Music] by the way this is so much [ __ ] fun wait you do a song to me okay you do a song to me what's the name of the song um anime the name of the song is anime okay okay all right here we go let's start it off how does it start with [Music] they're ready petited okay look into your camera goddammit [Laughter] [Laughter] did you think i was gonna guess that you think i'm watching him you know we both watch enemies we're drawing the thing i kicked oh i'm sweating oh my god all right oh oh oh my god did she she just started seeing why she liked anime they liked their features i get lost when i watched [Laughter] rudy you're the best rudy if you ever want to come over to two bears one cave yeah and have a safe place yeah it's on i'm [ __ ] sweating i gotta take this [ __ ] shirt off okay oh my daughter's gonna put this on it's gonna smell like [ __ ] armpits what this shirt is a small why are you gonna put it on because it's hers oh it's not my shirt i where i define my daughter's shirts like bobby puts on her shirt i can't believe that she just started singing white she's like cause their eyes are i mean their features are exciting and the stories evolved this is is fantastic artists involved with the animation what the [ __ ] how do you not know this man [Laughter] [Laughter] it originated in japan [Laughter] all i did was think about it there's unsuspecting violence that you'll never know is coming in all right oh all right [ __ ] me look in your goddamn camera this is this at the same time yeah yeah ready one two three thank you for being a bad friend [Music] why why is jules rudy tito andrew said that um about rudy giuliani giuliani yeah giuliani yeah yeah and that's how they named me that you're like him no yeah you have a lot of similar characteristics you do i mean i see i mean i physically see it but i'm like is it i was gonna say andrew cuomo but yeah rudy giuliani yeah yeah yeah so what what do you have in common with him though besides like you both being italian i think i don't know maybe just a space i see that yeah i see that let me see smile once let's see oh yeah she smiled like she was selling you the teeth do you want a wall [Music] bye

Channel: Bad Friends

Views: 2,026,074

Keywords: bobby lee, andrew santino, podcast, bad friends, comedy, tigerbelly, whiskey ginger, 2 bears 1 cave, ymh, tpw, Bobby lee andrew santino, tkats, hey babe, bobby lee podcast, andrew santino podcast, bert kreisher, tom segura, mean girls, quest love, podcast wars, good will hunting, podcast drama, king and the sting, brilliant idiots, chris distefano, theo von, brendan schaub, sal vulcano, funny, billbert, reaction, your moms house, drama, joe rogan, bill bert, stand up comedy

Id: hs1W2KQluWA

Length: 78min 16sec (4696 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 29 2021