Bobby Cries & Rudy Becomes Jules | Ep 99 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends eric griffin and i eat pizza last night no i know you guys ate pizza but then after you ate pizza he ate again with us he had two gigantic slices of pepperoni and jalapeno pizza and then i go you want more oh no man good and you didn't finish yours and he finished yours he finished then mine i know he told me that well he did yeah and i go he go he and then he did a yawn yeah he well he got you oh he went oh i'm so full i'm so full-time right i go where you going he goes i'll go home yeah he didn't go home he went to get more tacos well because i brought up kevin hart last night do you know that you know kevin came to the store yeah i heard so i brought up kevin then he was at the la he was at the laugh director because spencer wanted me to go say hi to him at the laugh after i didn't go and then they showed up to the store at the store also i brought him on and the crowd thought i was kidding because he didn't get on stage for three minutes i stood with the curtain open for three minutes that's hilarious so people were laughing because i kept going like this they thought it was really funny they thought yeah who got bumped well lisa trigger never showed up no she was canceled oh she did yeah and then it's a couple of gone and then and then yeah and steven fury stephen fiat bump yeah yeah funny guy though you know what he said you know he said in the green room to kevin hart to enjoy this this is really what is steven viewer is that stephen goes uh you don't have a arena you can go play or no did he really swear to god he is so so funny that dude's so funny you don't have an arena that you want to go but he said it like kind of like he said it again to me chris spencer was like it was very funny yeah but he i guess he said he was like so you don't uh there's no there's no scotia bank you can't go do the united center or the right [ __ ] the crypto.com is it open tonight and then he went on and but so so griff stayed watched kevin's set yeah and then came outside i was outside with with fahim and aristotle aristotle's in town uh he told me not to tell you [ __ ] he told me not to tell you why did he tell it you know what that's really weird i'm going to call him right now but he did say don't tell bobby hate me i don't think he hates you i don't know if he likes you but that's not good but those are two different things i know but i'd rather be one or the other i don't want to be in the middle i don't know being in the middle is kind of fun i don't like it now you shake it up a little bit no because then i have to like prove myself how about this do you love do you do you like her or hate her rudy i love rudy i know but you don't like her i hate her see yeah yeah he's going to go hey i'm on snl now don't put me on the [ __ ] he's been acting real like he's a hot shot i wanted to say something i'm gonna ask him something i watched the beatles documentary by the way it was amazing i gotta force her to do it [ __ ] him she's yoko to us 100 oh she's yoko there's a scene there's just yoga to everyone there's a scene where there do you know who the beatles are yeah but i don't understand who yoko is bring them a picture of yoko ono yoko owner literally destroyed the beatles no he didn't she made it better oh really her singing is amazing so yoko ono right there yoko married john lennon yeah and forced uh the beatles to literally shatter they were already shattering a bit he said i gotta call you back so he'll call us back he's talking to his high-powered agent now dude that's [ __ ] ever since he went to new york yeah he's been different yeah he smokes a pipe now oh my god he walks fifth avenue and smokes a pipe like moriarty moriarty more reality he's getting a little too famous yeah a little too big um no but here's what happens explain explain um yoko ono to her and what yoko really is so yoko was an artist yeah he was a street artist from japan correct she met john in new york i believe and at some he wandered into some you know means exhibition somewhere in the village i'm sure yeah yeah and they met and um she knew who he was but she was really confident i think she's i think she's just eclectic is a good word yeah so she did she probably didn't care she didn't care so anyway they start dating and she starts showing up at rehearsals she's everywhere kind of like you are you yeah to us and then she started giving notes now you know if b the beatles were the beatles were let me ask you something if the beatles were like in their on their first album yeah that's one thing even still i understand but they had already done revolver rubber soul i mean just sergeant pepper i mean they had done everything everything already yeah like right they were the beatles now they have four or five hit records she's in the [ __ ] i don't like that not good you don't sing now right john he does triple harmony right ringo go take nap right someone goes has to take a nap and i don't even know where the what's the other guy's name george yeah yeah yeah oh george she doesn't know who he is she doesn't even know who you are who's which one i met you met her at him a thousand times that's right he's right you're george yeah i'm right here yeah what do you do george what i write the music what the [ __ ] i know but that's who she was yeah she didn't yeah and so now you're george and these guys like us you're in there's a scene where she's reading a newspaper in the middle of their [ __ ] like a [ __ ] full-on she doesn't give a [ __ ] give a [ __ ] she's with the beatles imagine you're sick okay you know what it says to you imagine you start dating one of the guys in uh what's the group that you love one direction one direction and you're giving one direction notes on song and you're just [ __ ] them off the whole time you're right you're getting harry styles now right no give her someone else no harry you can't get in there you can't get here you can't get haircut who's the fifth guy bring up the guys is there a fifth guy let's see which one dude you can't get him you don't get harry potter yeah you're nuts you're not you're not leading a woman hey yeah you're nuts dude all right bring up the boys no left to right can you name them name the boys left yeah yeah can you zoom it in i want to know that white one okay okay kyle zane louie liam harry nyle is left zayn louie liam harry yeah all right so i say i say liam liam is in the the the the green the green shirt sure yeah even you yes yeah but what's the brown one's name that's the same one that's zayn maybe the brown one see the brown one would look at her and go i should i should be with you yeah yeah but i can do better yeah he could do better and i think he'd leave you for liam or not the brown one would spit on you the other whites wouldn't well the other whites would hit you they would hit you but not spit on you that's correct yeah because the problem was that harry no you you gotta have harry get him harry that's insane to think that you can get that guy we have ariel we have harry yeah yeah yeah okay louie louie in the middle no you don't get louis i know that one you don't get that one no you don't get he's second in command no which one's the ringo which was the ringo of the group i feel like it's the guy you named yeah you've got the green shirt what's his name again leon yeah you're for and what's his last name payne he's yours that's yours he's yours by the way now you're you and i do have we you and i are sharing harry right right okay but but just for reference but honestly yeah he has two tattoos right the upper body says yeah a s right and the bottom body says bl all right so always remember my territory i know i'm a waist down i'll respect that all right you respect mine right and i'm not aware not we're not doing this game it's not gay it's not sexual orgasm it's just buddies no do you share anything with us ever my food when when when tacos yeah you're cold the [ __ ] prop taco bell [ __ ] that's been here for three weeks proper bell that you brought up you want us to eat that [ __ ] still you have to share no anyway you get [ __ ] what i don't can you remember his name ever pain pain liam payne you get him okay so listen here's the deal they did two albums you're not coming in right they're international [ __ ] superstars you're in the recording studio right right now we're let's say now we're one direction we're playing right yeah yeah and then you have to stop us and correct us okay all right if you want if you want to be my midnight girl you will always be my midnight girl um excuse me sorry yeah um what yeah can you um make your voice a little bit louder and make it more um pleasant oh all right sound guy he wants it more louder and pleasant ready go again one two three go do you want to be sorry i'm sorry my bad that's okay we gotta say scream [Laughter] do you wanna lively though you you look angry all the time imagine imagine i would quit i would have quit right that's how the that's how the album imagined came that's where the song imagined oh yeah imagine because she was giving notes and they looked at each other like can you [ __ ] imagine yeah yeah we're going to take notes from this [ __ ] i know uh okay i'll sing all right here we go do you want to be my midnight girl do you want to be my midnight girl that's better all right better than me so i'm the lead now yeah can i get one more shot okay yeah do you want to be my midnight girl do you want to be my midnight girl that's pretty good no still not good enough [ __ ] i get exactly what you do i want niall to lead oh [ __ ] yeah and now after birthday so what does she do what is she already figured out about what she just hitting two people against each other what did she already figure out about what she did to the beatles exactly yeah yeah she put a wedge in between these two that's exactly exactly what she did that's [ __ ] you don't even know and you know exactly what she did how to do it so she wedged between the group members they started to resent each other therein lies the end of the beatles right so you know what you probably also do is what's the her boyfriend is who liam liam when liam's not around she says compliments yeah she goes up she goes up to other people she goes up to you i think you know you're cute too you know i mean if i hadn't met liam you have nice but yeah yeah nice yeah and they're like what the [ __ ] maybe some of them buy it they get they get a little hard oh have a nice yeah you have a nice spot and then that's another wedge and when they get hard and i walk in and she goes he's hard what happened he's hard yeah right yeah well liam's going to the bathroom let's just start with before let's start from before right baby i'm going to go to the bathroom that's good all right bye i leave now you say your compliment to him i love your voice so much oh cool thanks um oh thanks a lot biceps are really good oh really yeah i've been working on them yeah thanks a lot great wonderful oh the bathroom was nice no i've got a boner he has a boner no no [ __ ] wow exactly how it happened very good very good so now you learn about yoko ono that's that's what that's who she is and i just say this too though is play a little bit of yoko singing no no no just stop for tougher don't even do that yet all right is this that sean lennon johnson's son so yoko and john had a son named sean i'm a huge fan of his he's dope he's a great musician he sounds just like his dad super talented guy yeah and there was a time where him and i were dming dming each other on instagram right cool very i'm like holy [ __ ] so then jeremiah watkins that's sean lennon that's sean jeremiah watkins asked me to do his podcast and he has a yoko ono wig right and so i put the yoko winner and you know you know you know and we do the impression ever since i did that impression on his show he won't dm me back so i don't want to make fun of his mom i think it's because i'm making fun of his mom we just did it for bob i understand that but i don't want to continue because maybe there's still a chance doubt it probably not i doubt it i killed it yeah i love him so much does he know that we're comedians this is half of the fun and also probably a lot of it's in my mind a lot of it's in our minds probably it's in my mind but it's real it's definitely weird it's [ __ ] hate i know but i'm a huge that's his mom but sean he's had he has another son named julian and julian has one of my favorite songs of all time what is it why don't you sing it for us julian it's give me give me the lyrics i don't need this music but i just need the lyrics i can sing you the whole song well give it to me i mean we can't give me the lyrics what are the what's the song salt water oh julian lennon saltwater yeah and if you listen to the lyrics it really means a lot all right here you go all right here's the lyrics right here all right but i need it he needs to wait 185 for him to read it which we made fun of me and we'll talk about that later we are a rock revolving around a golden sun we are a billion children rolled into one so when i hear about the hole in the sky salt water wells in my eyes oh this is it's about the environment it's a good song yeah yeah and he's been singing about it since the 80s so he knew about it so he knew that the earth was known about the earth we can learn all learners right love it we climb the highest mountain we make the desert bloom we're so ingenious we can walk on the moon well maybe but when i hear of how the forests have died he knew about the trees they were dying back then well yeah he's a whistleblower well we were deforesting for a long time i know but he knew about it he was whistleblowing everybody didn't know no he didn't okay i think he was the first guy okay listen to the lyrics dude it tells on itself ready what's more but now that's not enough for the world i love is dying and now i'm crying and time is not a friend no friend of mine a friend's were on a time and it slowly anyway i don't want to sing the whole song but i don't like this song why i just you know it's it's he's a guy so much stuff about i know but he back in the day we didn't know about the environment back in the 80s and yet we did and we did it and he was like i'm gonna write a song like my daddy did did he have an accent you'll see me from new york no no julian has an accent does he yeah he's born in england yeah he is oh yeah his other son was born in the people that's dying and my dad used to sing about it i'm gonna sing one can you imagine if you would get a british i would never go i'll roll on a british show i would get fired day one table read they're like bobby look all you have to do is come in the room right and tell the king that his horses are ready that's the scene that's all we want you to do yeah you gotta have a british accent bud because it's back then okay so and action the house is a dog first of all they're ready they're not dying the horses are ready the horse is so nervous because you know i'm an english actor yeah and i i love benedict cumberbatch i know ends in this he's in this movie they're in this movie in the scene they're in the scene they're sitting on the table right um what's the line again i'm sorry i know i read the script but all my favorites your highness your highness the horses are ready the horses are right all right are you ready here we go and action your highness yes mileage your horses are alrighty why do we sorry can i get it again i'm a huge fan by the way benedict can i get another shot so that's it that's it you're fired immediately that's it i get two shots at it it was so bad you do it okay ready well let can i have conversations with my kid hello sir how's your teeth this morning already that guy's getting fired are you a new guy because you're gonna say this yeah since the camera's on you yeah and i'm doing the reverse yeah right it doesn't matter how i sound you're right right all right because i when i when you do turn the camera around to me i'm gonna nail it you didn't even get into i'm getting into my character by the way oh yeah because you have a hunchback well i know i live out in the barns yeah you do you do i know who i am all right how was your tea and crumpets my lord hello one second please my lord sweetie i'm talking to the queen the horses my lord the horses hello hold on they're ready the horse is my lord are you seeing the hoses already the horses i've put new shoes on them sweetie couldn't use the horses already you think i could that nibble on a chicken bone listen but that was good but this is the director now he's asking for more lines no improvising sorry i'm so sorry aaron sorkin wrote this oh wait i apologize word for word right to the book thank you sorry they're very good scene's over you can go back to your trailer oh am i fired no you're i'm hot i didn't rewriting the script about you the whole move is about you now you know how one line you changed it i took it to the top they're all fired you're firing benedict the whole movie's you and it's just me on the poster yeah and then there'll be like stories about it right he did one line and it changed the [ __ ] fabric of show business those those black interviews where they're where they're where the celebrities are sitting there and it's all black and they're like what it did was more than not it was revolutionary it was life-changing and they cut to me going the horses are ready yeah yeah yeah i i would i would love to do a british role once i would love to i want to try one time for something like that well you're good at accents yeah but i would do cockney i can't do like proper british is tough like you know how fans fancy as um he's fancy spanish yeah you know like that's harder to do than well what's the other way to say it fans less fanciest less fancy spanish less fancy spanish street spanish he doesn't speak street spanish you know that right like in mexico you could tell people use street terms when they were talking to him he doesn't use those words that's interesting i've never because you know in america we obviously we all speak american right english i mean no no you're right the first i think america you guys speak english i speak american yeah yeah yeah we speak english right no we speak american anywho the british speak the english but we all but in spain obviously in different parts of the country they have different dialects yeah and accents yeah right and i'm sure because we also have our like the urban guy we have dialects we have urban dialects southern does spanish have an urban dialect so come in here fan no fans no no tell us from there he's on yeah yeah so you're like you're a spanish hip-hop music producer you trying to just say a black spanish guy no he's white but you know how some white like i i did a thing in korea for jyp what is that jyp is like the puff daddy of korea jyp yeah can we get him on the show he's in korea but so he called me and go he goes years ago yo yo what's up do you bro what's up what's up i go who's this jyp dog he's the puff daddy he flies me first class jyp let me see jyp he drives me flies me first class to korea to korea when i that's when i did the [ __ ] music video for the female group oh right you saw photos of it that's because of jyp jyp did it jy park yeah so this guy is p diddy yeah that's the p diddy wow that's my boy so like you know even koreans have a guy that has slang that's the slang guy so this the spanish people have that guy do you have that vance yeah they're called mexicans that's what that joke is so good that joke is so good it made me not laugh that was so good it made me so jealous it was so good i paused and i let it absorb that is so [ __ ] funny here's what i want for the edit yeah i'm not kidding i'm not kidding i want you to loop that clip four or five times over and over again yeah they're called mexicans yeah they're called mexicans yeah yeah how serious seriously very good very good fans is this guy how do you think about jyp do you like this guy no do you know who he is he's 60 years old in that photo it looks pretty good to me wait do you know who this man is no but because his eyebrows seem like angry birds he does look like an angry bird angry bird he looks like an angry bird jyp is an angry bird now look at him will you side by side an angry bird picture with that yeah i'm not kidding i'm not kidding so good so dead on which angry bird does he look like the yellow one yeah don't because he's asian don't do that let me have that it's funny another good one come on two friends another one mexicans and now [ __ ] yeah he's not the red one no it's that one yay the eyebrows it's the red one no they no the yellow one they where's the yellow one let me see go right there it's in the middle bam right middle down middle there boom zoom in yeah that's jyp that's jyp that is it that's jyp jyp right there the little yellow one i think still the red you do yeah i'm gonna go with i think she's right oh that's yellow yellow it's the yellow guy oh really okay i'll go yellow i don't know why we're arguing against it but um why is that even a thing because she's hitting a couple of home runs what have you been up to are you going back to hawaii yeah you guys just get buy a house there you guys are there every [ __ ] week yeah i mean seriously you're there so much why don't you just go move there i don't know what i think lyla won't buy can you go to school you go to school at that my neighbor goes to school in hawaii my neighbor's daughter goes to school in hawaii she lives here well her parents live here but she's in college right now she goes to college out there why don't you go to college out there i want to no we because we covered this yeah but we'll just fly her back if she flies back every week anyway what's the difference yeah and no she's you're happy at your college now right yeah yeah that sounded so fake i mean she's not doing anything are you meeting anybody no any boys no any girlfriends one girlfriend one girlfriend she went to the harry styles concert with yeah oh that girl that's who you went with liquid i mean this is my favorite thing because i love water but i love it more with liquid iv liquidity so much better with like so much but you're getting so much of the electrolytes and nutrition it really is so much better they got good flavors like watermelon lemon lime strawberry pina colada uh one second liquid iv in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster more efficiently than water alone it's very good sometimes i'm at whole foods and i wait in that line yeah and i see the liquid and i feel like it's family it's calling you he goes calling me and i want to turn to everyone and go hey guys this is my thing 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steaks for a limited time butcher boxes offering new members a great deal for the new year sign up at butcherbox.com badfriends butcherbox.com such bad friends you'll receive the ultimate new year's bundle in your first box this deal includes ground beef chicken thighs and pork butt that's more than seven pounds of meat added to your first day for free get this new year's bundle before it's gone by going to butcherbox.com bad friends that's more than seven pounds of meat added to your first box free get this new year's bundle all right last night last night we had a nice dinner yes and i want to thank you i'm being genuine right now well so let's pick up the tab for jim poche which was not cheap well i didn't even know i was a little shocked when i got the [ __ ] thing because so nick schwartzen's in town he's back living in l.a back living in l.a he was away for years a year and a half and um i had to go say hi so we went and had sushi at gimpachi and like an idiot i went um and i only had two things i ordered like really light things like i'll have one yellow you had one cut roll one piece of sushi right and like an idiot i go i'll take the tab and schwartzen looked at me and was like what is he doing yeah i know immediately i'm like i go i'm your friend i want to and then as soon i did one of those like double glances i went i got the bill i went but it was good to see him it was awesome to see him yeah yeah he was so good at it i'm so happy he was back in town and then we went to the spot together yeah and i i didn't have a spot but i came to the improv and this is what i love about pandemic being over it being up there because i wasn't going up and i was up on top of the stairs at the improv to watch nick go up right with all those people it just made me feel like a part of the community again yeah it's a little bit more alive again it feels good it was great really good to hang out with everyone you know and then when the store was awesome too store was fun as well but yeah so we went to go get food after after you guys ate pizza griff was in the parking lot and i said let's go uh uh faheem said i'm hungry and all that's open is like pink taco yeah i like pink taco though yeah and i said okay i'll go over that i said i'll have chips and salsa i already ate sushi yeah and griff was like well yeah i mean i don't need to eat i'm not going to drink and i was like well do you want to come hang out yeah fine so he comes over there we're hanging out we're sitting there he's like nine periods he goes maybe i'll give myself some steak tacos that's amazing and literally then two steak tacos comes and then chips come and salsa comes yeah and then queso comes oh of course and then he plays it up dude he plays it off he goes like this he goes what's that soup he knows what it is soup you knew he knows queso before they even took it out of the [ __ ] thing dude when they put it down and he was like i'm gonna do some chips on that soup and i was like that's cheese dude that's not soup it's so obviously cheese it's so funny yeah and then theo came we ate some food it was really good some people showed up to yeah because he's back in town for a couple days again yeah people are coming back a little bit yeah before everyone goes for the holidays yeah it's um it's gonna go to arizona by the way after the new year uh why she got her booster no my mom my mom it's weird my mom will go say stuff like i see you in six months like so far like he doesn't want she doesn't want to see us physically why because she's a hoarder oh yeah let me just call her let's call her does she she really does collect everything in the house does she have like a bad habit of like stocking up on stuff and over buying and all that [ __ ] yeah but she also um does she have animals too no she has no animals but she also you know she has a b b um blm not bl not blm the other one btk what is that bt that's a bt bts she isn't sorry he has a bts obsession you know where that yeah so she screenshots all day long photos of them online i know you told me and then remastered and then she watches all the korean dramas all that stuff she eats whatever she wants because you know we send her money right and she lives like a queen but she doesn't want to see us how much money do you think you send her i already know how much i already know i'm the one that sends it how much i vote i've since which it doesn't seem like a lot but if you think of well she already has money right from your dad no when your dad died he didn't leave any money he left her no money nothing so for the last 20 years i've every month for the last 20 years i've sent her 3 500 a month every month wow that's great and she doesn't spend a lot so she just saves it yeah she's not doing anything she's not doing that let's call her she's not going to pick up there's no way please pick up i know what's her mom's name jeannie love that there's no way she'll pick up please pick up her own son her own son the love of her life she she's looking at her right like hey by the way rolling her eyes with every ring thirty four hundred dollars [Laughter] yeah thirty three hundred dollars yeah voicemail hello mom oh yeah um i'm i'm doing my podcast with my friend andrew in l.a hi mom oh hi no just me and my friend andrew [Laughter] no no that's jeremiah she met jeremiah oh yeah no no mom jeremiah is ugly huh yeah i'm handsome he's nice that's what you say about ugly people they're nice yeah wait so what are you doing right now mom speaking english i i can okay good i'm going on a way to a lifetime fitness lifetime fitness she's going to get just what are you going to do there squats exercise which what exercises what do you do there mom swimming and exercise oh they're two different things yeah it's the same place oh the same place do you know that bobby has never exercised no i know he access us every morning to get up you know yeah it's a lot of work to just get up yeah yeah you think me getting up is exercise mom oh yeah that's it [Laughter] yeah so you know he got free yeah my insurance paying yeah otherwise i have to weigh 100 a month oh for the insurance is paying for the membership oh they're paying for the membership uh yeah they pay for me that's great right what if you're uh taking baths and everything there you know are you still obsessed with the with the boy band mom why what's the bts are you still obsessed with bts yeah they did no they died mom it's a bad accident they died yeah yeah they didn't know they died on a bus they were on a bus mom and they just died really yeah you got to look it up man it's really sad yeah yeah wow they were dying on the way to the stadium mom mm-hmm no yeah they died they're on a fiery they're on fire mom they're on fire mom can you take me next discussion yes yes there'll be no one on stage because they're dead but you do it you do it yeah you will you'll put on the show oh you want me to do the bts song you'd be a k-pop star you could do it okay i could do that's what you can you can get everything that's what you've always wanted for me right i help you okay okay mom well mom i love you i'll see you soon when do you want me to come january i'll come in january can i come can my friend andrew come huh yeah yeah yeah okay yeah oma oma i'm telling them what you just said so i said mom andrew has a small penis in korean you know what she said she goes just like you're korean just like you yeah i i could hear it yes you could hear it yeah just like you i love you i miss you i'll see you in january okay okay all right i love you text me every day i love it i we text each other every day i love it okay okay love you baby okay bye that's so sweet i know lifetime fitness lifetime fitness she's getting she seems clear though she seems happy yeah she doesn't seem like she's losing it no is she was she losing it nobody all my family members on her side of the family in the last three years of their lives they get dementia i know so but she's still clear how old is she now 81. oh wow that's getting up there don't make me feel bad well she's gonna die maybe january might be too soon no don't say that no bro if you she dies in december and you said that i'm gonna blame you bro oh that's my mom impression is that what you're doing with your face so racist do your mom swim laps in the pool that's incredible she's she what if there was an exchange program where you had to have a hook up with my mom i had to hook up with your mom would you do it well no because my mom is still young and agile my mom from the way is an 81 year old from the west lady bro look at how can i just say this show me nude i will but in a second hold on i this is because they do they do this as a test the doctor's right her her vagina is fresher than elaine childs elaine childs it's better no chance it's better than 81 81 okay how old is your mom in her 60s pretty good big difference but still we could swap maybe my grandma or something like that no that's closer to me my grandmother's closer today we're swapping moms my grandmother's 91. should we call her and see if she's around yeah yeah she's the best my grandmother's literally good but it's no it's not late what am i saying i didn't even know what time it was all right she probably won't answer but be nice seriously don't say anything [ __ ] up don't say anything [ __ ] up i'll be mad as [ __ ] i don't know what [ __ ] up this i don't know what [ __ ] up is the same way i treated your mom very nice okay what's her name mp we call her nana i'm gonna call mp hello hey nana hi sweetie hi sweetheart how are you my boy good babe i'm on my podcast right now you're on my podcast right now with me and bobby lee the little fat korean guy remember him i showed you pictures of him here i am hi i'm the fat korean guy hi i'm not a member not a member when poppy was in the korean war yeah yep he was fighting these scumbags that i'm sitting next to right now yeah i'm a little too young to i wasn't in the korean war and no he wouldn't know he was hiding in a washroom someplace but also but also the americans fought with the koreans that's right we were so we're the same team we were friends yeah yeah nana what are you doing right now um not a thing honey not a thing you're hanging around the house yeah i'm hanging i'm hanging all right well we just wanted to call and say hi and i love you i'm coming back in a month to come say hi i'm gonna go do something for promote for a promo i'm going to come see you we'll go back out to lunch oh honey i i love that i love it that you're so thoughtful and good to me oh well i love you to death babe you're the best i can tell by saying you're so good to me well i love you i'll call you i'll call you later i'm gonna let you go okay okay nice to meet you say bye to bobby nana bye bye bye bye bye babe love ya she's the greatest 91 dude bro she does love you you almost made me cry did you hear the joke that she made i know but she's so sweet so sweet she loves you so much and that was such a nice thing that was like really sweet bob i don't know that just hit me [ __ ] hard i don't know why she's so [ __ ] pure and i like when you get emotional and so full of joy and you're a piece of [ __ ] are you really you're you're like one of the worst humans i've ever [ __ ] met and and still another another human being likes evil no dude dude when a whole human being is so good in their nature that they see a piece of [ __ ] and an evil piece of [ __ ] and they go and they go i love that right and it's like you should love it you know me because it's not lovable is that a lovable thing it's not a lovable thing this is the best acting you've ever done really this is really you that woman she's the best is the best man i love her today wow you're you're a piece of [ __ ] dude did you hear what the joke [ __ ] and i can't understand why she loves you but it's [ __ ] amazing that's it gave me so much confidence in the human condition dude i'm a lovely person no you're not you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] awful human being look at you oh yeah look at you [ __ ] man thank you that was pure dude babe what are we wearing right here undies right now what am i wearing right now everywhere i go me on these you're wearing it too i'm wearing it too and it makes us really close and you know what what right now i've got my little pizzas on yeah i have my pizza pies i have my little porcupines and the thing is is that when i know you're wearing your mondays yeah and i'm wearing is great you guys know me honey's we've talked about it a lot um if you're gifting underwear for valentine's day is coming up groundbreaking yeah uh gifting matching underwear for you and your significant other now we're talking uh express your one-of-a-kind relationship when you match your bottom half to your better half and a fun limited edition prince and if you're single mingle and matching paris yeah uh me and bobby like to do matching pairs it makes us feel cutesy pooty yeah yeah you know what i mean i like it you can even get uh dog hoodies or buddy bands to match your four-legged bff they also have super cut and super soft undies socks bralettes yeah bralettes i call them bralettes yeah and loungewear and more available in sizes extra extra small to 4xl miani's has a great offer for our listeners for a limited time get 25 off your first order of matching pairs for valentine's day as a first-time purchaser you can also get 15 off and free shipping right to your door yeah go to meundies.combatfriends that's.com that's what friends to get 25 off matching pairs 50 of your first order free shipping and 100 satisfaction guarantee go to meundies.com bad friends bespoke post with the box of awesome coming at you bro what did i get yell at me i got a knife i'm gonna yell at you man i got a travel bag yeah you got all kinds of stuff man you got that thing where you cut you you sharpen the knife yeah yeah yeah they call it a narcissist pummel stone i think the winter is here guys upgrade your daily routine with bespoke post and their new seasonal lineup of must-have box of awesome collections here's the deal the box of awesome we've talked about on the show yeah you basically go online you take this little quiz at boxing awesome dot com box of awesome.com yeah and your answers are gonna help them pick the right box of awesome for you okay it's free to sign up they know everything cancel at any time yeah each box costs 45 bucks it has over how much oh my god 70 worth of gear can i say something to you plus with each box of awesome you're supporting small businesses ninety percent of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small up-and-coming brand that's huge that's baby stuff that's good stuff that is baby stuff baby get 20 off your first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome.com enter the code bad friends at checkout that's box of awesome dot com bad bad friends for 20 off your first box get 20 off your first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome dot com and enter the code bad friends at checkout that's box of awesome.com code bad friends for 20 off your first box great your grandmother i took her out to lunch is that your mother's side it's my mom's mom you can tell it's the only one i got left oh because my dad's dad died uh a year in the middle of covid not from covet he died because he was just old you know what's crazy i called him on his birthday like the week before he died and he sounded amazing it was wild oh it stinks because when you get when they get older like that you don't know you don't know you don't know yeah that's why every time i go home i make sure i see her as much as i can we went out to lunch and she was funny as [ __ ] she was like she's tiny dude she's this big and i was like perfect guy for me i mean let's be honest perfect high for me yeah yeah no let's talk about it uh no [Laughter] we're not talking how big is your mom four or eight perfect five for you dude a little backpack yeah yeah jump on my back you got a little legs right here backpack spinner around your grandma front pack i have a front pack fanny pack her face is right here dude fanny pack yeah yeah yeah no i do no i do tongue jabs yeah i'll do tongue jabs yeah i want to me i get to meet your mom first i get to meet your grandma [Laughter] i'm going to i'm going in january i'm going to wherever your mock around my lives come to chicago i dare you to come to chicago what do you mean dare i go there all the time you won't come with me just to go meet my family but i'll go i'll be there i would you know what dude i would at this point in our relationship you'd come with all our fights and all our [ __ ] and our love i would love ya i would totally go i would totally go well i'm playing the chicago theater in february you should come in february yeah you want to do that no just come i have so much dates myself i don't know what's going on yeah you're going back to hungary yeah you're going back you want to talk about that you're shooting your movie you got to go all the way back to hungary to shoot a half of a scene well yeah with the movie i did last year they need reshoots yeah i'm excited why because um to see the celebrities you are excited to see the celebrities that's so gross to say it like that that's exactly who you are no i'm not no [ __ ] you dude yes you are no let's take a vote every let's take a vote is he excited to go back for the seat of celebrities raise your hand if it's a yes rudy yes that's two three the four to nothing four to one you're so excited or can you say it like this i'm ready to go back to see my people you know what bobby said to me when we were sitting in the rafters of the improv this is verbatim okay don't lie though i'm bobby okay we're sitting next to you though i'm not okay we're sitting next to each other and he goes like this look at this up here this is awesome i said yeah it is great and he goes i like being in places where other people can't get to i was like exclusive places he goes exclusive places you loved it so and you and you go upstairs what did you say you [ __ ] say what you said say what you said you [ __ ] dip [ __ ] [ __ ] dip what say what you said i i pervade them pervade them how do you say it verbatim verbatim pervadium from now on it's called pervading them all right this is what i said and repeat to me pervade them what you say upstairs perfectly i'm gonna tell you what i said all right randomly i go i think i opened up by saying young chap i said young chap yes i did this is pervading pervade them dude all right young chap right it's nice up here i said i agreed and i said i wish right everyone oh [ __ ] i did i wish everyone can be up here nobody believes you yes literally nobody believes i didn't [ __ ] say that [ __ ] tell the audience i didn't see that that's so gross do you think after all these years they don't know who you really are these people know what you're these people know you love exclusivity i said it i said it and i um but i said it rudy does it sound like something he would say yeah i said it thinking that you weren't gonna say anything about it we talk you talk like this all the time you talk like this on the show about exclusivity you love it you love to go to hotels where people can't get to you a little bit you love the little fancy you love being fancy you're fancy you're fancier than fancy bro you're fancy as well you know it you're the most fancy guy you're the most fancy guy you're so much more fancier than me dude you love golden goose shoes you love like a little fans love high-tech [ __ ] golf bags high-tech golf bags which one did i buy i look at your golf bags they're high-tech where are my golf bags you've never seen my golf cart yes i have from the back of your nice fancy cars let's look at our cars what kind of we're not going to talk about our cars but your car right is a brand new right it is i just got it it's one of those fancy six six six what figures no it's not yes it is no it's a speaker i'll guarantee it it's a [ __ ] nissan cube you can look it up it's forty figure [ __ ] car there's nothing it's not a cube now regardless of what it is now look at my car that should be enough you don't care about cars i don't care about any of it you you i don't care about any of it you're telling me you don't like fancy [ __ ] no are you [ __ ] telling me you don't like fancy [ __ ] i don't like fancy [ __ ] rudy [ __ ] pipe up he loves all the fancy things and he buys everything every day i don't understand i let her finish you start you you talk it up sit up straight and [ __ ] let him have it tell me the stuff he buys the fancy [ __ ] he's into give it to him rude he buys so many shoes but he doesn't wear it he buys clothes and i only see him wear one type one time all brand name by the way fancy brands fancy brands he buys beanies lots of fancy beanies lots of perfume a lot of food food food you need though that one i can't combat that's it [Music] interesting jackets jackets fancy jackets he had a leather jacket last night a fancy leather jacket another jacket it's funny um i do that i do i use my money for ridiculous things yeah i also use my money for things like um looking for things that people in the house need i agree with this like um someone that's not even blood related imagine is there a non-blood person in your house imagine somebody not blood related wait someone does not relate to your family lives in your home lose on my home rent free rent free food payment free food free uh cell phone be honest with me do i ever say you want shoes over at the mall yeah you asked yeah yeah just looking at something that's not blood related not blood to lock eyes with them goes hey man get whatever you want you ever does he say that to you whatever you want wow yeah so do you want to take back some of the [ __ ] [ __ ] you just said no i'm just being honest yeah i know but i'm saying there's two sides to every coin but the truth is you're fancy as [ __ ] stop pretending you're not fancy can you admit you're fancy and we can both be fancy let's ask the guys let's ask the boys then yeah pete yeah ugh andres i mean jesus what did they say okay say pete again i was pete ready yeah peter i was moving the mic towards my face no go ahead fans fans fans go ahead and you give would you say we're both fancy yes thank you that's it they can't even hear that you're not even on the mic he just said it he just said nobody hears it yes thank you we're both fancy like yeah but in different ways yeah we're fancy in different ways you like high-tech golf bags i don't even own them i don't even know what that cars i know i like nice cars cars i've been to your house your house is like a [ __ ] showroom well that's cause we're trying to sell it it's a furniture showroom what'd you say he's just clean he's clean i am very clean you get you have nice things i am very clean you have nice things as well i'm actually suping up my car next to your house i told you i was literally i know you'd cross the street yeah oh yeah that's another thing that's ridiculous so you already have an expensive car it's not no it's not that expensive and then what are you gonna do extra to it i'm gonna i'm i'm doing i'm doing a thing tom segura actually no what uh your buddy tom [ __ ] tom what are you doing extra with your time's the one that introduced me what are you doing extra with your car this is a good point i'm adding you're adding one i'm adding about 250 horsepower to the engine right now yeah when i buy a car people that love it no okay when i [ __ ] buy a car i go when i look at the [ __ ] you know how fast it goes and right i just accept what's on the thing you don't look like it goes to 80 or 100 that's the limit not your [ __ ] face you're so fancy you're like you know what now [ __ ] it i want to go extra hundred no for no reason i'm never gonna be able to use it yeah it's stupid it's based on your ego no no and it's extra fancy [ __ ] ego that we all don't need in our lives i like fast cars so listen to everybody right anybody who likes fast cars with food paying rent right you're you're you have a family member that's sick that they they need right and you can't get the funds this [ __ ] he's putting more horsepower into his engine okay that's fancy okay but that's both fancy what does that have to do with people i don't want to make the point what i can't you die you die knowing that any fan out there that likes cars will understand exactly why i want i've never in my life let me tell you something my first car hyundai sonata beautiful started at the bottom all right beautiful car no it's a fine car i'm saying i started there just like any average person i was paying 189 a month yeah i was working hard to keep that car okay for the first time my life i bought a car i got to actually buy it didn't just lease it or rent it okay i want to make it as nice as it can because i bought it i got to buy a car and guys that like cars know you can do a stage one of stage two turn up and they take the [ __ ] turbo they send it to germany and germany blesses it they say god bless this engine yeah germany takes it literally and they go okay we have your turbo and we're gonna make it the fancy and then there is the turbo and then they send it back to it right and i put it back they put it back in my car and my car it gets even more juice power and it's sexy and i like that it's not for other people it's for me the same way about my shoes and that's okay yeah and that's right i feel the same okay thank you and that's okay feel the same way about my shoes and that's okay okay good and that's okay okay don't roll your eyes let me see your eye roll do it again to him um yeah that's good yeah you don't like when people eye roll i don't like eye rolls what do you think it is it's like get out of here [ __ ] that's not what that says in my head it does you can't really roll your eyes can you let me see if i can are you looking up did i roll my eyes yeah look like you just looked up for a second that's a good one right yeah you look like the emoji yeah yeah yeah why do you think he's getting so cocky and snappy back with bob because he lets me no right you're letting me get away with it i want her to be um you gotta discipline this kid dude no i think she's getting more confident here's why i don't say anything because the shy girl that moved in two years ago couldn't even lock eyes with anybody an american i agree because she was so intimidated by being in this country right and now she's locking eyes with people and she's fighting back and i like that when we first met you were she was so much more shy to me i was scared of you yeah are you scared now no no not at all right because he's been in bad moods and you haven't been scared like earlier today but i'm so sweet with her i am very sweet can we talk about your mood now when we first started the podcast before what was that all about because i feel like we're in a different space now i get it [ __ ] give me the [ __ ] phones give me the [ __ ] phone give me the phone [ __ ] so [ __ ] mad [ __ ] [ __ ] me dude it's your [ __ ] venmo [ __ ] me look god damn it what you going to [ __ ] pay yeah you go to [ __ ] pay yeah you got a [ __ ] scan and you scan the [ __ ] code yeah at the beginning i swear to god when you were screaming i was like i don't know well you couldn't you didn't you just couldn't figure out venmo it doesn't matter it's like the way to [ __ ] i know for you it's not that [ __ ] hard it's for you to react that way for even though it wasn't that hard because you're it's ridiculous you're not dumb are you dumb yes oh okay i'm [ __ ] dumb well [ __ ] it's hard sometimes i decide don't scream when you're so dumb sometimes it's hard for me to be around it all right well duh that's me okay what's this portion of the show this is roo well this is rudy's gonna do what you go ahead andres explain what you got we have a really good scene for jules it's jules on pulp fiction this is jewels from pulp fiction and you're jewels from from bad friends that's pretty great let's hear jules do you have you seen pulp fiction yeah but i forgot about it great yeah i'll give you on i'll give you five thousand dollars right now if you tell me who the black kid in the corner the actor phil um phil i know you you're nervous because you know i know his first name yeah i'm so scared right now i'm scared holy [ __ ] no don't say anything you gotta get it um his name is uh phil i mean you know i know him you know i do know yeah but i'm not gonna give you the money unless you told me the name yeah yeah um because he was on mad yeah i worked with him i know and people don't know that because it doesn't really look like him in this movie he doesn't know uh the first letter is an h of his last name no uh what's the first letter i'm not gonna because it's a lot of money i'm not gonna tell you anything please um this stinks okay anyway i'll just tell you fill lamar i knew it i know you don't get the money go ahead so what are we going to do now you have that can you have the dialogue and we can read it i want to play the kid did you just shift and fart is that what you just did my god can i tell you something about that scene what it's so loud how he's yelling at that kid and the gunshots the cops would be there immediately yeah imagine being an apartment next door just playing video games and you hear like why did you run what does it look like right you'd be like what the [ __ ] going on over there dude like it's an apartment [ __ ] complex in santa monica everyone would have heard them yelling at him for the [ __ ] five minutes yeah i mean when you're like you guys i'm playing a game over here you guys what the [ __ ] is happening like for sure people would have knocked down their door yeah when um donald trump won 2016 in my best day of your life you called me and you go back you go we did it yeah and i went and bought [ __ ] 50 flags right because i like to sell no i like to sew outfits from the flags what kind of outfits american outfits pure american outfits american outfits but donald trump won in twenty so anyway when he went so um you could hear crying right like my neighbor's crying oh cause you were because you lived in beechwood canyon right that's who lives up there so i remember [ __ ] the next day don't please not me dude i was in the valley we were i know you were riding in our trucks we did it boys the whole city of burbank [Laughter] and i went down to orange county so there's a lady crying and i i remember like the next day i went to my neighbor and i go you were crying she goes no the cries for was from the other neighborhood i was hearing the cries from two buildings down holy [ __ ] so my point is is that and she was whimpering she wasn't even you know she was kind of whimpering i could hear it so gunshots and a black guy screaming at the top of his left hearing all of it i that's what i call the police that would be such a funny scene if we remade this scene and just showed all the people that heard this scene taking place yeah yeah like i just a guy eating outside like what the [ __ ] is going on yeah it's so loud yeah they're so fun two kids playing jenna jango right and the loudest it's so loud it [ __ ] collapses what does he look like what the [ __ ] man all right let's see you guys do the scene you're obviously brett i'm brett yeah and you're definitely the jewels yeah ready all right let's do it and you have to do it the same way he did it yeah commitment commitment scare me by the way if you disrespect this role that's that's one of the greatest actors of all time you're [ __ ] on yeah right breath doesn't matter nobody knows brett knows no that's mean whoever bread is a great actor sorry about that go ahead what does marcellus wallace look like what what country are you from what what ain't no country i've ever heard of they speak english and what english [ __ ] do you speak yes yes yes then you know what i'm saying yes yes yes yes describe what marcus wallace looks like say what again say what again i dare you i double dare you [ __ ] say what one more goddamn he's black god he's bald does he look like a [ __ ] what does he look like a [ __ ] then why you're trying to [ __ ] him like a [ __ ] brett i didn't yes you did yes you did brett you tried to [ __ ] him no no no by myself wallace don't like to be [ __ ] by anybody except mrs wallace you're either bible brett yes here we go this is a good one to get through commit commit commit high energy convince i'm vincent all right yeah you're doing great you got to be you're doing great i'm just holding a gun well there's this passage i got memorized sort of fits this occasion ezekiel 25 17 the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brother's keepers and the fighter of lost children and i will strike down upon the upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers and you will know my name is the lord when i lay my vengeance upon thee very good jules good very good jules i'm sweating very good jules can i tell you something what i didn't know it was that long that line when you think back you're like an avenger and you know that part but yeah all the other stuff that's a long line it's a hard line to say it's a lot it's way it's so and then it makes you earn a new level of respect for samuel jackson he had to do that and the timing was so good and the inflection because when he goes furious anger the way he is yeah yeah yeah yeah you know fans he doesn't like him as an actor by the way fancy says he's not that good sally jackson is one of the best yeah i like him no you don't i like him by the way by the way your character brett because i wanted to not disrespect this guy gentlemen gentleman named frank whaley shout out to frank whaley probably one of the best roles oh my god he's working like a [ __ ] he's 122 titles on here yeah he's i've been seeing a million things i haven't i don't really recognize him that much i think he was with swimming with sharks do you ever see that movie um there's the movies he's got listed on here are pulp fiction broken arrow the doors vacancy i mean he's done a [ __ ] load of stuff swimming with sharks kevin spacey frank wiley wow you ever see swimming with sharks no oh my god you have to watch this [ __ ] movie is it good oh my god it's it's so kevin spacey right he plays a real like executive like he's based on i don't know what executive is sharks running running this um this this um oh right i remember network right or i think it's a network production company and he is so nasty in it kevin spacey yeah frank whaley loses it is just like this meek assistant to this like executive you know yeah mogul yeah and he [ __ ] goes crazy but you knew it was also in it is um um my favorite mexican what's his name see how much you guys know about one direction about one direction oh what is this fill in the blanket oh this is like finish the lyric you don't know oh oh you don't know it's not because we're trying to guess what one directions and lyric is you don't know oh oh oh you don't know superstar your superstar yeah that's the making of yourself wait wait i'll sing it all right go ahead no well let us guess and then yeah you know it yeah yeah so let us each get a couple guests i know what it is you don't know oh oh you don't know you're confused confused yeah yeah yeah all right uh you don't know oh oh you don't know you're mentally slow is that it no you can't put an a in it mentally no i said mentally you said i'm mentally stoked no he said you don't know you're mentally slow that's good okay you're mentally it's one word so you're mentally that's it mentally slow no not slow oh it could be you know what it could be oh it could be o or it could be you don't know oh oh you don't know you're slow you that's it no you're you're slow what is the right one you don't know uh oh you don't know you're beautiful it's the tone i just didn't know the but i did know the song oh did you notice there was no tone yeah i didn't know it was all right did i not guess it as you said it i did all right go to the next one the story of my life i take her home i blank all night to keep her warm and time is frozen all right the story of my life i take it home right i call all night to keep her warm and tight it's frozen tight is frozen time is frozen oh tight oh time i can't read his glory let me start over the story of my life i take her home i confused i get confused again i confuse all night long to keep her warm and time is frozen okay yeah oh i know it i already know it did do that i actually don't know what it is because i know that i knew it story of my life i take a home a [ __ ] her face that's it i think that's it i heard the radio [ __ ] [ __ ] your face is that it no but i do know that but she knows i know the tone the story of my life i'm taking home a [ __ ] all night to keep her warm and time is frozen what what is it it's not [ __ ] all night drive dude these guys need to get better lyrics i drive all night what the [ __ ] all right go ahead what's the next one there's a theme it's about driving yeah all these motors because let's go with the fiat they can't blind me with your love nobody can drag me down they can't blind me all the all these all these lights oh that's it is it like these lights it's got to be lights i forgot yes it's lights [ __ ] yeah we got one all right what's the next one bob okay now lights is the theme and we and we blank all night and we beam we beam all night yeah and we beam all night to the best song ever now i can't remember is he losing his what is it and we dance oh dance [ __ ] why would it be beam why wouldn't it be beam i like beanbag i want dancing is easier becoming beam beam is harder beaming all night to turn into light right right right all night to beam all night is better than the idiot can dance all [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] dancing [ __ ] dancing i beam but if you like cars and up in hotel rooms and you like having secret little rendezvous these could be taylor swift lyrics yeah but if you like causing chaos up and up what if you like causing ruckus if you're causing if you like causing mayhem up and hook if you're causing causes no if you like but if you but if you like causing [ __ ] up teeth if you like causing trouble in hotel room is it trouble [ __ ] yeah i'm bad at this two for two all right here's the last one bob you get to do the last one this is it tonight let's get some and we're old while we're young and we're old while we're young tonight let's get some and we're oh wow we're young no i'm younger while we're we're younger and we're younger while we're young while we're young like that that makes a lot of sense tonight let's get some and younger while we're young and younger while we're younger while we're young we're younger no that is that not it no tonight let's get some and live while we're young live that's so easy dude me and you should write [ __ ] music lazy lazy [ __ ] lazy dude and you know what yeah these guys are so rich i know we're writing this i think we're yeah we [ __ ] up it's okay we can we can do our own little band in the future yeah all right anyway i love you i love you hey um welcome to 2022. hello thank you for being a best friend [Music] i'm going to tell you this right now jules okay okay and this is real what i'm about to say to you okay this is not a joke you want to date a guy who you know in your head will get along with everyone else in your life but i'm not dating i'm just saying that don't see anybody unless you meet somebody that you're willing to share so we can meet the person why because i'm scared what are you scared about this is what i want to get at love no because of you guys you're just gonna embarrass me no we're not if he's a decent guy if he's a great guy we'll be along for the ride like if he showed up yeah if you were dating samuel l jackson your boyfriend samuel jackson i love that love that guy [Music]

Channel: Bad Friends

Views: 956,729

Keywords: bobby lee, andrew santino, podcast, bad friends, comedy, tigerbelly, whiskey ginger, 2 bears 1 cave, ymh, tpw, Bobby lee andrew santino, tkats, hey babe, bobby lee podcast, andrew santino podcast, pulp fiction, one direction, the beatles, erik griffin, yoko ono, john lenon, sean lenon, julian lenon, tom segura, best comedy podcast, theo von, your moms house, joe rogan, trash tuesday, monday morning podcast, harry styles, the king and the sting, happy new year

Id: MOA6X4Q6ccw

Length: 71min 6sec (4266 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 17 2022