ASK STEVE || STEVE HARVEY 😂😀Funniest Moments 😅😆 Part-03

this Jana hey Steve is that your name yes that's Jana bassiano Bessie audience yes okay that's black name [Applause] I'm 58 first time I ever met a Caucasian lady named Bessie jana black lady had a stood up by the way hey girl you stood up on with okay that's like it by saying where's Mary Beth and then a black lady standing up an hour ago [Applause] so hey um what's up girl well too far okay what can I do for you okay so I work at a daycare and a lot of the kids are recently getting the hand foot and mouth disease which is from them slobbering on toys and things like that unfortunately because of this I'm getting rashes on my hands and feet so I don't know how to land mr. right without explaining this to him with you dating don't say hand foot and mouth you gotta lead the mouth out of this okay you can tell the man you date me you got something something in your mouth that's gonna kill the date damn near right away there will be no date - thank you [Music] Jasmine is worried about a friendship hi jasmine hey I got a question um I have a friend that I feel like she constantly sizes me up like if I see her she'll say oh you look cute but it's like a look face like me but not really and I feel like she's judging me but I don't like drama I don't like conflict so do you think I should say something to her should I just wait for her to come and talk to me you know like would you say she sized you up like what you mean like if I see her like our catcher just watching me just looking at look at you know with the okay like you starting out with your friend of you it like I'm you and I'll catch overnight I want you to do what she does to you okay okay Oh oh that's easy see I just see just do it back Cece do it again [Applause] see you are see I'm looking at I'm looking at you I'm looking at you I see your feet I see yo feet what what you gotta always phone and that's not being confrontational just it's giving it back you know she's sassy with you you just be says well then girl what's going on let's go and then y'all go hang out you ain't got it you ain't gotta be feeling bad okay now I'm gonna do something to you I want you to do it right back to me just just mirror what she does you know [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] Diana I don't know see Jana what's your name Tiana Tiana yes t t y Tiana yes no is T Y that's teeth yes you got jokes team listen T why am i talking about what you did [Applause] why a in in 80 okay lady go here alright sorry Jana is all I see go ahead see Jana okay let me quit reading it tight IANA thank you I look over I swear to God I am okay okay so I work with college students and I love them however they work my very last nerve when they ask the most obvious questions questions like when is an assignment due when it's clearly written in their syllabus and I know my face is reading dumb question yeah so Steve I need your help how do I not show it on my face when someone asked me a dumb question I don't know I have no idea how you do that you understand my face registers everything I don't care what you say to me if you say something that is the dumbest thing I've heard yeah then I look at you like you're the dumbest person I've ever talked to okay like ask me some a college student okay so they'll say Steve when is the assignment due see I can't do bad as you can listen to me what you gotta do is you gotta stop counting these little kids they in college they bout to grow go into the real world you don't have time so you're trying I try to hide your face I say give ammo face see not less more okay give me another question ask me something else okay can I get an extension on this assignment if you're trying to get me fired I'm trying to get these kids out your face okay one more let's try one more well see what happened was I had to work and I had all of these other things to do is there any way that you will allow me to work with somebody and get an extension on society men and it's so much going on in the world [Applause] never ever use profanity in your job but there's no law they say you cannot mouth fair enough I might try that one thank you no thank you Jordan says she looks too nice where's Jordan hi Jordan hi Steve I have what they call a resting nice face which gives me a resting nice face so I just have a face that looks very nice and soft and kind okay okay okay yeah overall so that's nice and all and people always think that I am kind and I am but in my job sometimes it makes it kind of difficult because my clients seem that they can they think that they can lowball me or try to get me to lower my prices and things like that and so I'm wondering do you have any suggestions how can I be a little more firm with my clients without being mean or pushing them away welcome you let me let me work with you a little bit you want to have what you want to look firmer well yeah I don't want my clients to think that they can take advantage of okay tell me something that a client does okay so I work in graphic design so this way a little bit okay so I get to spend some time with them talking about what they're wanting and things like that but then before I know what they're like okay well maybe you can spend a little bit more time on this you know maybe you can do that for me or maybe you can spend a little more time on this in the future if I want any edits or you know things like that and how do I just make them see that I've already put in my time and I need to move on or I need some more money you all do you cuss because that doesn't that's not very respectful and I don't want them to take me unprofessional about today we'll be talking about we're talking about getting them out your face okay yeah you're gonna have to cuss okay I can try it ask me the question I'm you ask me hey can you please can you put a little bit more work on this sometimes oh hell no [Applause] see it's it's you know it's it's it's right away see the cussin is to get their attention and at the same time deny them further advances okay okay okay okay so now let me try with ya I'm gonna ask you okay hey how about if you lower the price no no I just told you what asked me well let's try to get asked me the question can you put a little bit more time in on this that's what we do hey hey baby can you lower the price [Applause] hey Steve hi so I need to talk to you about my five year old son okay he's obsessed with but I don't know where it comes from but he just grabs women splits my butt my daughters but females in the families but I mean I'll talk to him about it I've told them it's wrong but he won't stop what do I do well obviously your boys gonna grow up and be a butt man now mothers you have a weapon called the backhand and it still works I don't know why y'all stopped using it it's a tool that's been around a long time it's called the backhand now backhands come in handy when you're doing something that's really obnoxious and grabbing the woman's butt is obnoxious I remember the first time I grabbed my mama's butt and I was we was in church going up the steps and she was in front of me she stopped on the steps and was talking to one of her church friends and so when I got close to her I did like this and I just push it I had both hands my momma without hesitation I know POW and adjusted it was just what it was a smooth it was so smooth I didn't I didn't even see it coming it was just uh it was just a slow motion it was just my little air with flutter I flew down the steps and that backhand I was five I ain't touched my momma but ever again in life and it's just a backhand you gonna have to use it and if that don't work the next time he put his hand on your butt just clamp it shut and leave it in there just let me put it in there you just [Applause] and just Walker's Lou shut up shut your mouth [Applause] they go they're gonna take me off daytime TV I'm nighttime funny in the middle of the daytime but all right thank you where's loopy what's what's your name my name is Lupe Oh Lupe I just say what did I just say where is loopy loopy at by Lupe I'm sorry I'm saying I'm from the hood I'm so sorry this is Lupe Lupe is French it's Mexican [Applause] I can speak in French to you okay I'll speak French je m'appelle Lupe okay is mo Palestine good no I'm actually I'm asking a question for my mom she's right here yes ma'am and the reason that we're here is actually to ask you that yes she's 59 same age as me fabulous thank you she's single unlike you in my family and I been playing matchmaker for years but we have had no luck the problem is is she speaks the her love language in Spanish okay but she loves the chocolate fellas so so who better to ask then you how does she real in her dream in is your mother here he's right here I see you I see you Lupe this is Maria [Applause] I'm having a bad day right now my old days this whole day is crashing in on me I want to bother ya so what do you worry she needs to know Maria needs to know what she just needs advice on how to how to lure in a chocolate land yes but you only speak Spanish not only she's just she's Spanish so there's maybe like a culture cultural difference ken can you cook the way to a man's heart is through his stomach can you cook Paquito a little bit see I speak that keto Ito a way know what what did she say [Applause] bueno a little bit good okay can you make a burrito yes hey good TZ you know c-can you fried chicken si si si take that fried chicken to wrap it in a burrito and have your ass alright oh hi Steve when my daughter was younger I used to tell people that you words are dad [Applause] [Music] [Applause] she took it to heart what where you going with this lady I don't even know you wait she took it to heart now she's 17 and she looks just like you she looked more like you than she does her does she don't know she [Applause] yes she does Steve would you like to see a picture she looks just like you sir you show up Regina got no kids I'm tell you that right now I don't know you lady I ain't never met you before she looks just like you [Laughter] [Applause] No so with that being said can I continue to tell people that you heard a no no you can't keep down this girl the truth tell her who are real Guardian got me set up a haka meter and then will come around now I'm a damn deadbeat dad are you I did at the time I sure did so mr. Harvey oh it's mr. Harvey now I'm not just little girl daddy nice a cute little girl to know like that huh just two crazies and Stephen never been on this show beautiful little girl shame my baby shoe she'll really look like me she don't really look like me she looked like you and her daddy that's who she looked like now you sit down and get up go vote TV no more don't go nobody else's show just crazy [Applause] Judy's worried about her roommate hi Judy hi Steve to celebrate my retirement I went to Paris I needed someone to house-sit so I chose my 33 year old trainer [Applause] [Music] [Applause] heyyo house sitter it worked out so well that five years later he's now my roommate his name's Joe oh hey what's outside my all but Steve there's a problem I bet it is Steve come on you won't say this on TV Judy sure you go over this Judy well hey my girlfriend's I entertain a lot and I bring my girlfriend's to my home they will not leave Joe alone they undress him with their eyes and they ask him to show them inappropriate stretches anything to get his hands on their bodies what can I do to get my golden girls to leave my roomie alone so Judy Ram yeah I'm assuming that you won't your roommate all to yourself Steve this is what I wake up to in the morning in the kitchen making coffee but oh boy it's nice [Laughter] Judy I'm assuming you're not married I'm not married I'm 71 year old single woman you're 71 well I know a lot of 70 year old women finna take some pension plans and buy some damn trainers you know what since you're 71 you know what I'm gonna tell you you're gonna live your life stop having stuff at your house cuz you little golden girlfriend's gonna try to come over here and steal your trainer and Lord know you don't want nothing to happen to you trainer because sometimes the trainer is in the middle of some training and God forbid yo trainer would move out and go to one of the Golden Girls house and become her trainer so now you're telling this big muscle-bound strong ass trainer [Laughter] can I ask you one more question [Applause] how much did you have to pay him to Train [Applause] just go down to big black trainers John on Jonna can't keep a straight face hi Steve so it what's the problem so in uncomfortable in awkward situations I tend to have this really creepy uncomfortable smile so you're very creepy uncomfortable yeah I mean if a friend is talking to me about a problem and she's crying I just this little creepy smile just a little bit I do my mama just really mean right so I notice you have a great deadpan face I was wondering if you can teach me how to have a straight face in uncomfortable situations why me deadpan only comes from one wait attitude say if I tell the joke and I go deadpan whether you laugh or not isn't not important to me because y'all ain't funnier than me [Applause] so giving somebody some bad news you just start laughing it is it's like uncomfortable and awkward if especially if they're crying I don't know what else to do so I just have this little creepy smile that comes out it's really bad ten let's try this moisturizer I want you to say just look me dead in my face just tried me to Steve you're the ugliest person I've ever seen just [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you this just good talking to her okay Maria needs help with her mom hi Steve my mom and dad have been happily married for almost 44 years but she has an obsession with Denzel Washington she loves his movies she can't stand when they cast him as a bad guy and she even has a picture of him on her ceiling in her bedroom let me see the picture befouled is this your mother and father's room yeah that's the picture Denzel my daddy put it up there I guess your daddy say we're here whatever it take to get the job okay I'm sorry it's okay but for the past couple years she has a new obsession a sexier crush that sexier crushes you Steve uh-huh so when she heard I was coming here today [Applause] was she asked if you would sign a sexy picture she has of you would you do it what you gonna do with the picture it's gonna go in my bedroom girl you better watch yourself oh you got where'd you get that picture from from the internet and I got a marker ready okay come on what's your name there the name is Blanca oh is that is that how you normally talk sweating man my father got nervous is you say his blocker Blanca - Blanca well Blanca thank you for thank you thank you you think I'm sexy it's a woman at the house going you going too far now Stevie I but you know come on nowadays there I know I'd take a dad well thank you very much and thank you please don't put that on the ceiling [Applause] did you see her cut my head [Applause] so get up get so kitchen kitchen whether you like boats [Applause] [Music]

Channel: B&B barchecks

Views: 394,623

Keywords:

Id: LDQzjrxc_OI

Length: 30min 45sec (1845 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 11 2019