Are You Ready for a Relationship? - Biblical Manhood Part 2 - Paul Washer

we're going to be taking a look at now something that ought to be a great concern for you it ought to be something that also is something that brings you joy the prospect of it and that is marriage and dealing with the the opposite sex now we all are aware that there are some men and women like the Apostle Paul that have the gift of celibacy and how do you know that you have that well I believe that the Lord basically takes away least most of your desire to have a relationship with the opposite sex or at least gives you the strength to overcome those desires and to live at peace with them I have not known many people with that gift and I would dare say that probably most of you here do not have that gift a lot of young men think that well it's more spiritual and well it can be spiritual or unspiritual because whether you have the gift of celibacy or you don't does it make you spiritual what makes you spiritual as being in the center of God's will for your own life and I can tell you this that although there is still much in me that needs to change I know that apart from marriage and children I would not be the man that I am today and I consider my marriage and then my children to be one of the greatest privileges that God has ever given me now we live in a culture that really does not think very highly of marriage we live in a culture that does not think very highly of children we kill babies every day that's our culture a culture of death and even those who are married most Americans I think it's something like 1.3 1.4 children that they want to have many cite this reason economic reasons look we're the wealthiest country in the world or at least close and so we can't have children so it kind of demonstrates to us that we're also a very selfish generation very selfish people and so what we're going to talk about now is the heresy of recreational dating now I don't know if you've heard the terminology most people use the terminology dating some people use the terminology courtship which they're trying to live out a more biblical way of meeting a mate but I it really doesn't bother me if you use the word dating although I prefer courtship but what I am against what the Bible is against is what we know as recreational dating now what is that if a young man came to me and said you know wow I'm going out on a date with Suzy tonight my next question would be well when did God begin to show you possibly that Suzy was the girl that it was your time to start thinking about marriage in that when did God begin to show you that that Suzy is the girl that you think you ought to marry and the person says what whoa what are you talking about I'm not talking about marriage I'm just going out on a date that's recreational dating and it is a manifestation of our ungodliness our selfishness now all of us have done it because again our people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge he said why are you going out with her you have no intention to marry her let me suggest this that you want to receive from her and from that relationship something that is only supposed to be given you within the context of marriage but you want that without the commitment you just want to have a good time with someone of the opposite sex and that is selfish and it's dangerous and it's not manly it's not who we're supposed to be as men in Christ now I just want to read something to you the practice of recreational dating is so far removed from Scripture that it is not even addressed it is a recent phenomenon that is not only not found in Scripture but is hardly found in the annals of human history it is simply the product of a godless and lawless culture that is motivated by ignorance and the flesh rather than the scriptures and the Spirit of God why do people date without any intention of marriage why here's some of the reasons one is to satisfy the lust of the flesh entertainment or immorality you just want to be entertained you just want to feel the thrill of that first look another reason it can be to satisfy heartfelt passions that may even be biblical but not seeking them God's way in the context of a lifelong commitment to God and embracing without the and embracing the sacrificial demands of such a commitment here's what I'm saying is a lot of people young men have a heartfelt passion a desire to be with someone of the opposite sex that's that's biblical but you're going about it all the wrong way you're trying to meet that need or satisfy that passion without a lifelong commitment another reason is a consumer mentality test drive several models before making a decision well the problem is this young man I want you to understand this you cannot enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex without creating a bond even if there is no physical contact contact whatsoever you cannot enter into a relationship without creating a bond in you and a bond in her so that when you are finally married to someone else there's two ways of looking at it you go to the altar not a complete man because part of you has already been given to different women or you go to the altar not alone but with the hope of women that you've already had relationships with it's just an impossibility and again this is whether there is physical contact or whether there is not physical contact it is an impossibility now also one of the reasons why this is done is simply ignorance my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge now I want us to look at several things that are very very important we're going to look at the time of courtship first but before I do that I just want to share with you something you know where Christ says that if you've hated someone in your heart it's as though you've committed murder and if you look at someone lustfully it's though you have committed adultery here's what I want you to see the thing that most comes out of these commands is that God cares about people God cares about people because God is love but God also cares about people because they belong to him he made them and to deface them defile them even with their permission is a horrendous thing in the eyes of God now as I was sharing with a young man just at the table there I'm you know I will go out of my way not to be a violent person I am a Christian people can push me around people can do all sorts of things to me I am NOT going to respond but if someone intentionally I knew was going to try to hurt my daughter they would have to kill me it's it's just not going to happen while I have breath and me hurt her in any way just not going to happen now if I being evil can love my daughter in this way if I being a person who has renounced violence but will become incredibly violent if you try to hurt my daughter if I being this way then what about a righteous god the most dangerous things or at least one of the most dangerous thing young man you will ever do is enter into a relationship with a girl who belongs to God it's the only case in scripture where God says forget it I'm not going to answer your prayers I mean I wish that you could see and I know when older people told me this I didn't like it but it's still true I have a daughter I can't I'm not a big man a strong man my body's broken but you're not going to hurt her you're just not going to do it I will come after you I mean the love that you have for your daughter is absolutely phenomenal and to think that 16 years from now some boy is going to use her on a date No but now imagine God whom I love for my daughter is is not even can't even be described as love compared to God's love for his daughter I want you to walk with that kind of fear that kind of fear in your hearts and it's not just not just hurting them you walk up to my daughter and you treat her like a boy you'll hear from me really quick you don't touch her you don't slap her on the back you don't wrestle her you don't even talk to her like you would your friend are you in here for me I would that God would put the fear of God in your heart to treat girls whether they want it or not because some of them don't even want to be treated in a special way but that you would treat them as they ought to be treated with a dignity realizing they don't belong to you and to realize that every little thing you do to that girl you dishonor her father and you dishonor her God I used to use this illustration and I'll tell you did it just because it so just points it out so clearly if I woke up one morning Sal was first day of deer season I was going to go hunting I'm all excited and I wake up at 3 in the morning and I go out to my truck it's not there now I'm pacing back and forth five six hours looking for my truck what's happened in my truck and all of a sudden one of you young guys pulls up in my truck and said mr. washer I just want to take the truck around for a while here's the keys Thanks I mean it's disgusting that there would be so much lack of respect and yet you will go to a girl without ever addressing first her father and ask his permission to have anything to do with her now you've probably never seen it in this way before I know you some of you guys I've talked to you're good guys but you're a lot like me no one's ever told you these things you will walk up to a girl and you will ask her out or you will you'll you'll do something with her I mean she's if her father is just a decent man she is I mean she's his life and you're going to go talk to her and ask her to go do stuff without ever honoring him to talk to him to ask his permission and again some of you guys have much greater character and integrity I'm sure of it than I had when I became a new believer but I want you to start seeing things not through the eyes of your culture but through the eyes of scripture through the eyes of human dignity learning to restore honor where honor is to you see this is extremely important or a people who honor no one don't do that you go to her father now he might just say what are you even calling me for I don't care that's how perverse our culture's become if that's the case go to our pastor go to someone in authority in our life try to honor them this is very very important we're going to talk about that but right now we're going to talk about the time for courtship or the time for you to begin entertaining the thoughts of having a relationship with someone of the opposite sex now first of all I want to talk about the awakening when young people are awakened to the opposite sex it is not a sign to participate but assigned to begin preparation now first of all we ought to protect children we ought to allow them to maintain in their state of innocence much longer than what's happened today you know you see seven and eight year old little girls that are talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and this and that and it's sick it's just SiC it just shows you what our cultures and adults a get on encourage it and laugh about it and it just shows how perverted our society is little children ought to be thinking about building treehouses and playing with dolls and doing all sorts of things but we are a culture that is just literally engulfed in perversion sexual perversion I mean everything just everything you can't even buy a pair of tires without there being an advertisement that that promotes this type of thing this is the kind of culture that you live in so we need to keep people protected our children protect it but once they do awaken to this it is not a time a sign for them to participate it's a sign for them to prepare okay now son you understand this okay now we go into we even increase our training your father will now even increase more to teach you to be a man so that you can enter these types of relationships you see now I want to talk to you about the lie of adolescence read some things that I've written adolescence is a lie it is a lie okay adolescence is usually defined as the stage between childhood and adulthood when a young person is discovering his or her identity and asserting his or her independence it is the invention of evolutionary thought and is the greatest obstacle to a child's growth to adulthood first of all like I said earlier adolescence is just something that has spun off from evolution okay that there's this period of time between childhood and adulthood where a child asserts its independence what it's basically saying where a child rebels now this this this is not found really in human history until it was it began to be promoted in Western culture that this child is expected to rebel it's supposed to rebel there's something wrong if the child doesn't rebel against Authority that's not in scripture that's not biblical at all not at all now the result of adolescents a youth passes to adolescents where he or she is allowed to participate in the privileges of adulthood without being required to assume the responsibilities of adulthood now listen this is very important what would you do or even if you know the room was filled with 13 14 year-olds if I walked in and said tonight I'm going to be addressing those of you who are adolescents they wouldn't be offended neither would you but if I walked in I said ok children today I'm going to be talking to you little boys about certain things that are very important most those young guys be going who you calling a boy not a boy well then what are you are you a man no I'm adolescent see the advantage no one's going to call me a boy even though I'm not a man I'm in this stage of adolescence where I demand that people let me participate in the privilege of adulthood even though I can't assume the responsibilities of adulthood let me play in the game even though I'm not prepared or deserve to be there or can even handle being there some of you are there now I don't want to be offensive it's just true would you define yourself as a mature man many of you would say I don't know well then what would you call yourself well no one's calling me a boy what do you want to be called see you demand to be able to participate in all the privileges of adulthood even though you've not assumed the responsibilities of adulthood that's what adolescence is so you can go out drive your car and you can get drunk and you can have sex and you can do this and you can do that just like a man even though you can't assume any of the responsibilities nor are you prepared someone wants to go with me bear hunting with a longbow couldn't ago show me how you can shoot because when that thing charges you you better not miss let me see your technique let me see you put how many arrows in that bull's eye at 30 yards let me see what you can do well I can't well then you don't need to be bear hunting with a longbow you need to be prepared you need to prepare yourself and again let me iterate this because it's so important for you to grasp a hold of this what are you we live in a culture where a lot of times my wife she'll sit there and go sometimes she has to go to the mall and she'll just like come back and she'll be infuriated and I go and it's always the same thing she goes I don't know if they're they're not girls they're not men I don't know what they are there's this type they have Adam's apples so I know they're male and they walk around the malls with their little flippy hairdos in there no chest and they're just bracelets and everything else and they're just walking around chasing girls she goes it's absolutely pathetic where are the men but see as long as you don't have to be a boy you don't have to be a man you can be in between you can be an adolescent you can be someone in that developmental stage put this in your mind this I think it's very healthy you're either a boy or a man now also put this in your mind you earn the right to begin to think about a relationship with the opposite sex it is not your right you earn the right by preparing when can you think about entering into a relationship with the opposite sex when you're a man when you're a man until then you have no business touching some man's daughter calling on some man's daughter you have no business doing that I want you to just look at the University for a moment any University in my day the University was a meat market I can't imagine that it's reformed and gotten better I mean even secular writers right on the the Sodom and Gomorrha that universities are the lacks moral standards the sexual freedom all these different things that are going on that are just outlandish outlandish so let's just look at this you take let's say five thousand young men who have never been trained in manhood never been trained in manners respect authority nothing they're just the product of spongebob then you put them with five thousand young girls who've never been tutored by a godly woman they've never been instructed in piety modesty chastity purity anything you put them together what do you got modern University a modern University and in this this is a reality and I'm not saying this to hurt you I'm saying this simply because it's true simply because it's true now people always ask me well what are we supposed to do well it begins with you you can't go back and restart your life I can't go back and restart mine I wish I had a different childhood I wish I had different instruction I wish I had known the Bible all these different things the fact is I didn't now there's going to be things I'm never going to be they're lost to me I started so late knew so little about manhood didn't know anything about it all right but here's the thing the Reformation can start with my house the Reformation can start with my children I'll never climb all the way up the mountain but I can carry my family up the mountain as far as I can go and from there they can take off and have a better opportunity than I ever had you see it goes back to that thing you know the men come back from World War two they work all the time in a factory because they want to give their children the things they've never had I want to work all the time to give my children the things I never had but they're not material things they're godly things they're character integrity Christlikeness now the danger of adolescence as I've said the immature youth is allowed to participate in activities that require adult maturity in order to avoid serious harm also if since young men are allowed to demand the privileges of adulthood without ever assuming adulthood they never become adults they never become adults they never become in and you see this guys I mean they're guys my age they haven't grown up they haven't grown up it's still all about getting out of work hanging out at the bar going to basketball games with their friends you know and going to basketball games with your friends that's not bad but that's their life I mean that's all they think about it's just playing with the buds you know just just hanging out doing stuff and I'm like man you're 49 years old but that's the kind of culture you're growing up in and you need to understand that there's a time for everything it's not that all things are bad it's good time to be with friends there's a good time for doing what you did here tonight and all these things but we come out of a culture that's consumed by these things these things are just like you're doing here tonight or like when you go out with your friends those things are wonderful but they're not the core of your life you see that the core of your life is is your wife and your children and more importantly than that you're God and being everything he wants you to be now I want us to look first of all at an indispensable first truth both the young man and woman must grasp the ultimate divine purpose for marriage they must move beyond romance to biblical reality now let's look at some things first of all why marriage why a relationship with the opposite sex well first Corinthians 10:31 whether then you eat or drink or ever you do it's all for the glory of God it's God I want to carry out your will I want to do this for your part for your praise your glory your honor this is all about you okay secondly the advancement of God's kingdom Jesus said pray then in this way our Father who is in heaven hallowed be your name your kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven I would have loved to have seen the face of Jesus Christ when he said these words I think it would have been wonderful and it would have been frightening I mean here was a man who lived for the glory of God everything he did was for the glory of God and when he spoke those words hallowed be your name your name throughout all created order your name be special be singled out above every name be given its supremacy your kingdom come your will be done everything he was was about that that's why you enter into marriage that's why you go to school that's why everything that you do you do it that through you God's name might be worshipped his kingdom might come his will might be done that's why you exist and it's not claustrophobic it's what sets a man free you actually live for something and you actually die for something I mean you're I mean it's like having every fiber of your body made alive resurrected to live this way sometimes I forget about how many men around me live with no purpose I can't imagine that but to live with purpose and this is not just about being a missionary this is not the language of a missionary or a preacher or some guy who gets martyred in South America no this is um this is the word of every one of you if you are Christian if you're engineer businessman salesman whatever you become teacher orthodontist it doesn't matter your entire life is geared around I do this thing my primary purpose is the glory of God that his kingdom come that his will be done enter into marriage this way I enter into this relationship with this girl that God might be glorified in a way he could never be glorified if I didn't enter in that the kingdom would not come the will with God would not be done in the way it will if I enter into a relationship with this woman that's what word is supposed to be about now in our marriage one of the number one things that we do as men is we represent what we we demonstrate to people what it looks like the relationship between Christ and His Church when when people look at my relationship with my wife they ought to see what Christ's relationship with the church looks at appears to be now let me give you an example how this works let's say I come home from a long trip I'm very tired I'm wore out and I'm sick and I come to the door of my house now my wife is a very godly lady but this time let's just say that that she's really not she doesn't have a very good attitude about the whole thing and let's say she's just she's just angry and so many things are going on all right I open up that door I have just been fighting battles for three weeks in Asia I come home I expect to be received almost like a hero's welcome but I get met at the door with problems and anger and all kinds of things let's say now what's going on Christ has given me an opportunity the sovereignty of God has given me an opportunity to represent what Christ looks like on this planet to refer back to her with unconditional love with the relationship undefiled and incorruptible and through that response to her to actually teach her how she should be you see marriage is supposed to represent Christ's relationship with the church also to raise up a godly heritage to the Lord we read the passage about Abraham didn't we in Genesis 18:19 for I have chosen him so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord marriage has the purpose of what representing Christ but also demonstrating what the Father's love looks like to children and also to raise up a godly heritage unto the Lord and guys I want to tell you something this requires sacrifice now there's another purpose I said the glory of God the advancement of Christ's Kingdom and here's another conformity to Christ I want you to listen to something you know Romans 8:28 God works all things together for good for those who love him called according to his purpose then it goes on and tells us what that good is what is God's good that he's trying to do in our life conform us to the image of Christ God's greatest purpose is to give you the character of Christ now that's the greatest purpose I think of marriage to make you like Christ a young guy comes to me and he says man I want to marry so-and-so and I say why says man she's beautiful I love being around her when I'm with her I feel really great this is absolutely wonderful and we can talk and when he gets through finished when he gets finished I say this to him let me see if I understand you you want to marry her because she meets all your selfish self-centered desires and he said no that's not what I mean I said but that's what you said you want to marry her because she's beautiful what are you gonna do and she's not beautiful anymore what are you gonna do when someone else comes along this more beautiful than she is you can do what most men do you then divorce her and what do you say you want to marry her because you can talk what's going to happen when you can't talk with her but you can talk with your secretary you're going to leave her you see so much of what we think is love is nothing more than us basing our life on our own selfish desires also people have this idea of love that's it's it's mythical it's it's it's cartoonish let me give you an example a man and a woman they're both married to other people but they have an affair and what do they say and we just couldn't help it was just love you know it's bigger than both of us you know well what what are we saying I mean just think about what they're saying they've turned love into at least a personal or impersonal force that actually exists in the universe that's more powerful than people and can cause them to do bad things you see well I fell out of love I'm not in love with her anymore I mean you can't blame me I'm not in love with her see the love went away it left us it abandoned us we've turned love into this force that can control people that's absolutely insane that's not love that's what comes in every movie you've ever seen well it was just bigger than the both of it what was where is this power what are you talking about no it was it what was bigger than both of you was both of your lusts has nothing to do with love see why do we marry well we're going to later if we have time we're going to talk about all the wonderful things of marriage from from romance to to thinking your wife is beautiful and all these different things that are absolutely incredible but the basis of marriage is this God called me to lay down my life for a certain daughter of his god called me with an irrevocable calling just like he did call me to the mission field everything else he called me to lay down my life for his daughter Rosario casado now to Rosario washer that's my calling and it's from God now if she's beautiful praise the Lord if she's deformed in an accident not going anywhere why this wasn't about I'm marrying her because she's beautiful I married her because of an irrevocable calling and you say well we only got one life not us Christians yeah lost man can talk that way I've only got one chance at happiness I'm going for it go for it then but if you're Christian you don't believe that you see God has called you to commit your life to this person that's what marriage is and that way if it's wonderful praise God if it goes down in the dumps you're not going anywhere now here's something very important about marriage when you marry a couple days after marriage you're going to go what have I done here's why she's not going to be the person you thought she was she's going to have weaknesses you didn't even know about okay and let me tell you she's going to have weaknesses in some of the areas where you most wanted her not to have weaknesses who did it the devil no God why because marriage is about your conformity to Christ and when we sum up conformity to Christ it's the learning of unconditional love and here's the question how can you learn unconditional love if you're married to a woman who meets all your conditions how can you learn to practice grace to a woman who does everything right you see you've got to ask yourself a question over and over what am I about am I about this life this world am I about me or am I about God his will and being conformed to the image of Christ do I want what God wants guys the whole world's tearing itself apart because of selfish desires what are the reason for wars and everything else selfish desires why do people get divorced selfish desires self self me me self self no were to die to self and were to serve and in doing that we will find the greatest joy now I want to talk to you for a moment about the win of courtship for a young man the biblical principle is simple and challenging a young man may pursue a relationship with the opposite sex after he has embraced adulthood in its responsibilities if you have not embraced adulthood and its responsibilities then for about the opposite sex because little boys can't do that I understand some of you guys in here can can whip me in a fight but know this it'll take two ambulances to haul us both off I'm just trying to really whack you over the head and this is so this is the idea of you know you want it you want to be an athlete you want to be certain things and that's absolutely wonderful and you know you can't get there unless you prepare some of you may have scholarships in sports you didn't get those scholarships by not preparing one day a desire opened up in your heart you wanted to play football or you want to play baseball or whatever and so what did you do you said I want to do this so what did you do you prepared and it meant you went without things you cut off relationships you did all kinds of things in order to prepare yourself it's the same way you're sitting there going I want a relationship with the opposite sex I want to get married one day absolutely wonderful now prepare prepare now let's look at some things that must happen in your life before you can think about the opposite sex first of all a man must be willing and able to separate from father and mother and form a new family unit listen what it says Genesis 2:24 for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to a wife and they shall become one flesh now first of all it says for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother not a boy a man shall leave his father and mother leave is a very strong word it's translated from a Hebrew word meaning to leave behind depart from forsake abandon neglect the point is not that we should neglect our parents the point is is that we separate from them and become a complete different family unit standing on our own guys are you doing that now let me say something here it's very important you I wouldn't had to say this 500 years ago but I do have to say it now and it's it's not your fault it's just the reality in which you live and I want to apply this wisely you guys are in college some of you are noble guys you work hard you're in college you're studying and right now you just you couldn't leave your father and mother you couldn't support yourself completely entirely maybe a lot of things that doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be thinking about or even entering into a relationship in order to get married okay because we do live in a different a different time you know some of you noble some of you work hard you're studying maybe you care have a job in this but you can't really break away maybe your dad's still helping you a car insurance maybe he's paying some of your tuition I don't want to take away from that but I will tell you this if your parents are doing everything and you're just at school and they take care of everything then you just need to back off on this idea thinking about a mate now if you're a young man and you're studying hard your father approves what you're doing you're working hard you're doing what you have to and God brings someone in your life go for it okay I don't want you to think that I'm saying just because you're in college you can't be participating in some relationship but you kind of know what I'm talking about if you're a boy and your mom and dad are still taking care of everything about you you you don't need to be thinking about a woman but if you're going on now with your University and you're working hard and you're coming you know where you're making progress and your dad can approve you and others around you see you as growing into a man even though still may be dependent some on your mom and dad that that's okay guys that's okay okay but it does say that we leave our Father and our mother I love my mother after my father died she raised me and my two sisters and she put us through college she did all kinds of things but when I got married my mother no longer was the most important person in my life I took care of my mother but my wife is the most important person in my life okay I joined to her the Hebrew there is it means to cling to stick to stay close to cleave to keep close now let me read this to you a new relationship with a spouse with a wife results in marked changes in other relationships you change your relationship with your siblings with your best friends your co-workers even co-workers in the ministry this is particularly true with regard to the opposite sex when a man says yes to his wife on the day of marriage he is saying no to every other woman on the planet okay and you have entered into a new relationship and a relationship that is a priority now again I like to go hunting kayaking doing all kinds of things canoeing fishing all kinds of things with my boys with some of my friends things like that and I do that some I mean that you know I'm not cut off from the rest of the world but they're not my priority they're not my good time okay it's my wife my wife it must be my wife let me put it to you this way and it's a really gross illustration and it's just a hyperbole it's an exaggeration but it gives you an idea of what I'm talking about if I'm in a boat and my wife and my three children are in that boat and I'm the only one that can swim and it starts sinking Who am I going to save I'm going to save my wife now I'm going to try save them all but the point is the priority in my life is a woman I'm not one flesh with my children I'm one flesh with a woman but here's here's the good part of this a man who loves his wife more than any person on this planet will have the happiest kids in the world will have the most secure children in the world because they're looking at that going dad's not going anywhere this home is like a rock okay this is very very important do you know why they say there's no love like a mother's love first of all the Bible didn't say that I appreciate the statement but here's something I want you to think of a lot of women love their children in a parasitic form because their husband is not meeting their emotional needs they cling on to their children and feed off their children and children were not given to a family in order to meet the emotional needs of the parents and that's why when when a lady who's been neglected by her husband has a son and her son is everything to her and then a young lady comes along and wants to marry that son that mom sees that young lady as an adulteress someone who's stealing her son you see how sin can just trickle down and kill you everywhere now important signs of male maturity okay we're going to look at what is a mature male first of all a personal unaided devotion to God and when I say unaided none of us are an island to ourselves there's no lone wolf Christianity we all need other people but if your Christianity is only exists because of the strength of your father the strength of your mother or whatever you are not to even begin to enter into a relationship with some of the opposite sex please don't do that to them because see when you enter into that relationship and you get married you become the head and there's gonna be anybody there to help you so it must be unaided devotion to God let me give you a negative example from the Scriptures King joash when he was under a godly authority figure he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord but when he came out from under that authority he did some very very bad things he departed from the Lord listen to this second chronicles 24 1 and to joash was 7 years old when he became King and he reigned 40 years in Jerusalem and his mother's name was zip iya from Beersheba and joash did what was right in the sight of the lord all the days of jehoiada the priest but now listen ii Krynn chronicles 24 17 and 18 but after the death of jahida the officials of judah came and bowed down to the king and the king listened to them they abandoned the house of the Lord the god of their fathers and serve the ashram and the idols so wrath came came upon Judah and Jerusalem for their guilt all the while he had someone over him he reigned like a godly King and soon as that authority was removed he abandoned the Lord look before you think about leading some daughter of God before being her head before marrying her you better be a spiritual man unaided by your father and your mother you better be able to stand on your own in the end joash murdered zechariah the son of the priests who cared for me okay now also there must be first of all important signs of male maturity a personal unaided devotion to God secondly devotion to God's purpose in the context of the family and we've already talked about this a bit you're getting married not because the girls beautiful you're getting married because you believe that God has called you into that marriage to lay down your life to bless a daughter of his to care for her and to raise up a godly heritage to the Lord now another sign of maturity is this knowledge and application of the scriptures you know the scriptures you're going to have to lead a woman you're going to have to teach children you better know the scriptures in Peru on the Amazon the lot of the pastor's here there use this illustration the Amazon is a very dangerous River very dangerous the currents very strong there's a lot of water moving through there but also it's dangerous because underneath the water you can have these huge trees that you can barely see and they'll rip a boat to pieces okay and and I've heard pastors describe men who were not men of the scriptures yet were heads of family he says like a blind man going full-speed and a speedboat down the Amazon with the boat full of dynamite and their wife and children in the back you see right now you make a foolish decision and basically you're the one who pays you make a foolish unbiblical decision with your family you hurt your wife you hurt your children and you will be called on the carpet by God men always want to talk about their heads been their authority well guess what headship and authority puts you in the limelight of God's judgment you're responsible now for his daughter you're responsible for children that he has given you and that's extremely important young men that's why I say it can be a fearful thing listen to this this is the way the King was to act in Israel in in Deuteronomy 17 18 and 20 it says now it shall come about when he sits on the throne of his kingdom he shall write for himself a copy of this law on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priests it shall be with him and he shall read it all the days of his life that he may learn to fear the Lord his God by carefully observing all the words of this law in these statutes that his heart may not be lifted up above his countrymen that he may not turn aside from the commandment to the right or the left so that he and his sons may continue long in his kingdom in the midst of Israel this is what authority is supposed to do if you're going to become a husband you become an authority and authority of a family and your whole life must be governed by Scripture but notice two things here that are extremely extremely important he says that your heart may not be lifted up above your countrymen a person who has Authority begins to abuse authority if he doesn't walk in the fear of the Lord he begins to do things and treat other people as though they were lower than him and they do not realize that the reason they were given authority was to serve not to be king you're given authority to use your authority for the blessing of other people that's why you're given authority also that he may not turn aside because if the King turns aside he leads the whole country aside in the same way if a man turns aside he leads his whole family away from God and he will be held accountable now another sign of maturity is a christ-like character a christ-like character now this is displayed in Galatians 5 but the fruit of the Spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self-control men my wife's greatest need right now I can tell you exactly what it is my wife's greatest need is that her husband be more like Jesus Christ my children's greatest need is that I be more like Jesus Christ the whole world's greatest need is that I be more like Jesus Christ and you can say the same thing now christ-like character is a pursuit that begins the day were converted and it goes on until the day we die and none of us not even the Apostle Paul is going to reach perfection but one thing you must do men you must be serious not so much about what you do you must be serious about what you are because what you do will flow out of who you are men we study the Scriptures not so we can fight with somebody doctrinally we study the scriptures that we might be conformed to the image of Christ that's why we do it so when we need the scripture so desperately and we need prayer so desperately men it's who we are that affects those around us not just what we do now another thing that's very important that shows maturity is moral fortitude listen to something here that is so not our culture first Corinthians 16:13 Paul says be alert stand firm in the faith act like men be strong now I want you to notice something here this is very important he says act like men that right there tells us that the Scriptures teach us that men act differently than women you're raised in a culture where you are told men do not act differently than women and women do not act differently than men you live in a culture where if men practice their masculinity they are shamed by the people around them they're made fun of and women are applauded for manifesting masculinity men today are applauded for manifesting femininity and women are applauded for manifesting masculinity go figure go figure guys don't be pressed into their mold he says be strong I mean I tell you I'm married I married just the perfect woman for me I'll come in you know on the web on the web you know like ten thousand people are calling for my death I just preached at a place where everybody wants to beat me up afterwards I come home feeling kind of sad my wife says what's wrong I said man those guys won't beat me up those guys are trashing me and it's just like everybody's against me she said they're supposed to be against you this is what you do man up go out there and fight again it's what you're called to do this is what men do they stand against falsehood go out there and breach men here's what I want you to realize this something this will help you later on when you get married let's say all hell's breaking loose everybody in the world has just come to your office with signs down with you everybody hates you the world's falling apart happens to me about every other day I get in my car and I Drive home and I'm trying to get my heart right and when I pull in that driveway I do not get out of that car until I've settled some issues it's not about me it's not about my whining it's not about my needs it's not about my emotion it's not about all this goofy stuff that people are telling you as men you need to be concerned about my only concern is getting out of that car and walking into that house strong and joyful because the burdens I'm supposed to carry as a man my wife is not supposed to carry nor are my children supposed to carry so you've been told that you need to marry a woman who can you know just just carry you basically you can share all your emotions with let just die to your emotions okay just die to all that psychobabble and everything else you've been told that you ought to be feeling inside say no to your feelings like my wife says man up and just do it carried the burden cast your cares upon Christ because your wife was not created to carry your burdens children were not created to carry your burdens and brothers in Christ can carry some of your burdens but guys I want to tell you honestly I see Christian guys get together sharing their birds and they sound like a bunch of just girls they've been trained to talk a certain way you know it's amazing it's like when terrible catastrophes happened in during my childhood not to me but to the nation and other things no one went around to high schools providing counselors for kids who are emotionally distraught because they thought the world was coming to an end they started doing that when psychologists told us that's how we are feeling and we need to get that out of our system they've trained us like Pavlov's dog just to be soft there is a biblical casting your cares upon Christ and there is one brother strengthening another brother and that is good and sometimes we all need that but guys we're just so you know even the Christian songs today I hear some of these guys singing these songs and they're just whining about all their feelings makes me want to throw up it's not what you are you're being recreated in the image of something that's not biblical again don't take this to an extreme I'm not saying that you can't share your needs I'm not saying that you can't do all they say but be very careful they've turned men into little emotional waste baskets and that's not what we are we're supposed to deal with problems we're supposed to carry burdens we're supposed to carry things and not trouble our wives or our children with them it ends with us again there are times we can share with our wife but guys be very very careful about becoming this emotionally needy person that's not what you are it's not what you were created to be now listen to Jeremiah 12 five and the Lord uses this verse in my life so much if you have run with footmen and they have tired you out then how can you compete with horses if you fall down in a land of peace how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan and it's like sometimes I'll say Lord you know these people said this and these people are writing this about me these people twisted what I said in this book and this did not happen this way and all these different things and it's like oh if you can't run and be strong in the midst of this how strong are you going to be when they throw you in prison how strong are you going to be when you stand in a court of law and they totally defile your name and accuse you of things you never did how are you going to stand when one day someone puts a gun to your head and tells you to deny me if you can't run in this time apiece how are you going to run when it really gets tough there's a strength that we should have and we need to cultivate that strength guys you live in a culture that's cultivating your weaknesses they want you to be weak they want you to be gushy they want you to be jellyfish that's not what God wants you to be now now let's go to one more here that's very important one of the greatest signs of maturity is labor vodi baulkham was a dear friend of mine I've learned so much from him he told me a while back he said after talking to a young man who wants to court my daughter he said after talking to him about his spirituality about his walk with Christ he said the next thing I'm going to investigate is this I'm going to say young man do you delight in God honoring labor if you do not delight and working hard get out of my house again you were raised in a culture that does not delight in God honoring hard work you don't as a matter of fact that's the fool in your culture it's the cool guy who slips through and doesn't do anything but makes more money than everybody else is the one that's to be admired not in God's sight not in God's sight and not even in your grandfather sight go home and ask him if he's still alive do you delight in God honoring hard work I can get a young man be as dumb as a brick but if he will work hard if he will work hard he can surpass anybody else God honoring labor let me just give you a few things from the scriptures first of all slothfulness in the early church was considered one of the seven deadly sins one of the cardinal sins are capital vices along with gluttony greed wrath envy and pride and others it was considered slothfulness laziness was considered to be a deadly or mortal sin today you look at a lot of movies and things what goes on who's the guy who ends up winning this guy doesn't do anything he's just talented he's a bum but then he walks out there and he gets it all done that's look what the devil does look at your culture what it's trying to teach you it's not the hard-working guy the hard-working guy gets made fun of he has some Puritan ethic he's an idiot he can't really produce he works hard and he never wins that is not Scripture another thing hard work and diligence are greatly honored virtues of God but laziness is considered a perilous and destructive device let's just look at some of the scriptures as I said ask yourself this question are you wise or are you shameful proverbs 10 5 he who gathers in summer is a son who acts wisely but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who acts shamefully are you diligent proverbs 13 for the soul of the sluggard or the lazy man craves and gets nothing but the soul of the diligent is made fat or it prospers do you follow empty pursuits and let me put down this way sports hobbies entertainment proverbs 28 19 he who tells his land will have plenty of food but he who follows empty pursuits will have poverty and plenty how many great sports figures in college are living on welfare right now I just I just saw a thing on linguas ESPN or something where they were talking about just parading all these guys who were like superstar football players and now they're just broke now guys let's look at this let's look at this biblically first I'm going to hit one side then I'm gonna hit another okay one time Bodi Baucom someone asked him they said you know your son's pretty athletic and pretty big you know he could be is he going to be in sports and vote he goes why and they you know vote he's this great big guy and he can he can just talk that way if you want you know and he goes why and the person said well you know sports it produces character vote he goes okay let's just think about that logically Sports produces character therefore those who have played sports the longest will be men of greatest character therefore we will find the men of greatest character in the NBA and NFL doesn't work does it doesn't now let me look at something we all know sports and athletics and everything else is a god here in our country I mean it's the Roman Empire made all over again I'm not going to back down from it it is it is now does that mean that all sports are bad absolutely not does it mean it's wrong to play in sports it can be it can be wrong to preach if you're not called to do it but someone who sees that God has given them a purpose and a place and playing sport someone who enjoys it I don't see a problem in that the only question is God's not going to put you in a situation where it causes you to grow and ungodliness if your sports is causing you you know you're on a team or something is causing you great turmoil and ungodliness doesn't mean that you need to leave but it does mean you could need to get some serious counsel and you need to get your priorities straight and you need to find a way that this thing ought to work because it would be better to cut yourself off from sports than to have a healthy body and go to hell with it remember what Jesus said pluck out your eye cut off your hand because it would be better to go through life MAME than to have a healthy eye and a healthy hand in hell guys I can tell you so many people that have been a blessing to me in athletics that were godly young men and really showed their mettle but guys look don't play with this God Christ has to be center and you have to know he's got me here for a purpose and then if he's got you there for a purpose look for avenues for you to use what God has given you as a blessing I mean I hate to point to media but just look at Eric little Terry it's a fire alright there were people who told him to step down and not be in sports because he was going to be lifted up too highly yeah there's a danger in that there's a danger in that in preaching but he used what God gave him he used that gift to be a blessing that continues blessing and you know if you're in sports you know you better be doing it for the glory of God now guys there's a difference between being in sports and someone who just all they do is watch sports okay it's okay to watch sports it's okay to have your favorite teams and all those kind of things but again in so many people's lives it's a god and it's wrong and it will break up your marriage it really will now here's another question do you love pleasure proverbs 21 17 he who loves pleasure will become a poor man he who loves wine and oil will not become rich you know you live in a culture that is let's eat drink for tomorrow we die it's all about pleasure you know it's just amazing when my first philosophy class in 1979 okay we discussed this hypothetical situation that was so preposterous to all of us that we didn't even want to do it but it was required and this was the situation what is the ethic if they could create a machine that could entertain you or give you so much joy that you would want to sit in that machine 24 hours a day and it would give you pleasure joy entertainment and everything but your body would deteriorate until it became just a blob of nothing all right now we thought that's preposterous I mean that's a never going to happen it has happened you see people literally living their lives out in video games just pleasure just just dreaming just all kinds of things and guys even even media can be very very dangerous let me give you an example I don't have his spider-man one two three or one but whatever it was it was spider-man he was swinging from a rope alright and and the guy who worked up John Green from England who worked in our office now he's working for us back in England but he called me in there he said look at this trailer I think it was spider-man 2 maybe he said look at this trailer it is like a 45-second trailer and it was literally it was unbelievable it was it was marvelous I mean it was just it was mind-blowing and in itself there was nothing wrong with it okay I want to make that clear but it was 45 seconds of human doing things humans can't do I mean that guy's it's just unbelievable how fast he's moving there's music and there's all this stuff bombarding and scenes and everything and when 45 seconds was up is like you're almost speechless and you can't breathe just it was fantastic but here's the problem it's not real and you know what happens reality's no longer good enough reality's no longer exciting so many people live their entire life in a fantasy world spider-man doesn't exist Wolverine doesn't have those things coming out of his knuckles I mean but the thing is is when media and video games and everything else becomes so big in your life literally reality is no longer any fun this is the kind of culture that we've moved into do you love pleasure now here's a question are you saving for your future and your children's future proverbs 13:20 - a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children and the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous you know what some godly girls told me a while back they said man you know they just felt like God wanted them to marry they wanted to be married they were praying about their husband and and I said them I said well you know I was in another church and I said well you know there's a lot of young guys in this church you know in their 20s 25 stuff like that who love the Lord reading the Bible all kinds of stuff what wait what's the problem they said brother Paul these guys work to save up for the next Xbox they work to to get new tires on their cars like flashy rims none of them even conceive of working to save for a house or to to to prepare something for family or something like that they're boys they if they get any money in their hand it's the go play with their friends or it's - it's to buy like I said a new video game guys that's true I would encourage you guys right now I don't care if if you save it start saving now even if it's a dollar a week start realizing it look you're not your men you say you're not married I know you're not married you're never going to be if you don't change some things you see I mean start thinking this way we should be thinking this way when you're 14 but because we have not been instructed we're not even thinking this way when we're 25 these are important things to think about these are in suppose of discipleship another question do you lead an undisciplined life second Thessalonians 3:10 and through 12 for even when we were with you we used to give you this order if anyone is not willing to work then he is not to eat either for we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life doing no work at all but acting like busy bodies now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread let me encourage you with something if you can if you can work hard do your studies okay and and you lay aside time for growing in the Lord things like that you ought to be working you ought to you should be working guys let me share with you right now you're young it will be no problem for you to pull 18-hour days men have done it all their lives be pulling 18-hour days be working yourself you say my folks pay well tell them to stop paying tell them to cut part of it off because you got a job over here work it's the pressure it's the hard work it's the sweat and tears that's going to shape you into a man it's not just an easy ride and playing now again again you have to form this you know in your context some of you maybe have scholarships some of you may be doing this and that I don't want to put some bondage on you but what I don't want you to do is just to walk around thinking college is a good time it's not you're supposed to be men you're preparing for the future you're working yourself into a tired state to be men now it's gone with just a few more to have proper motives in your work and guys basically it's this proverbs 23:4 through five do not weary yourself to gain wealth cease from your consideration of it when you set your eyes on it it is gone for wealth certainly makes itself wings like like an eagle that flies toward the heavens guys you want to be wealthy you're pathetic you're just pathetic if God makes you wealthy and he uses your wealth to feed his people who are starving to death in other countries to help get them out of jail things like that to send missionaries praise God but if you want to have nice things you've sold your soul nice things we're living in a war we're getting close probably to the collapse of our own culture our society our country and you want to be able to buy designer stuff you can't get any more pathetic and trite than that honestly if God makes you wealthy praise God he's given you a gift in that praise God but here's the way I look at it you're either called to go down in the well or hold the Rope for those who go down you're either called to be a missionary and to give your life in that or you're to call to send men and to help them go down either way if you're holding the rope is going to be scars on your hands I tell you wealth Jesus talks more about wealth and probably anything talks about money because it will dam a person he doesn't say it is difficult for a prostitute to enter the kingdom he doesn't say it's difficult for a corrupt politician to enter the kingdom he says it's difficult for a rich man to enter into the kingdom because with that wealth comes everything this world can offer you nice things who cares they're all going to rot they're all going to rot and here's something great works are not done by men who care about wealth battles are not fought and won by men who want to wear frilly clothes it's very very important to understand this so we work not with improper motives but proper ones and that is to the glory of God whatever you do do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than men Colossians 3:23 and also first Timothy 5:8 but if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever so it is for the glory of God we work and it is to provide for our family but not to provide for our families things they don't need just heard of a famous singer who's pregnant about ready to give birth to a baby and and she's talking about how she's going to give her the first gift is going to be a dime encrusted iPod or something like you know what that baby is going to become a monster we don't do that I mean we try to instill in those around us virtue that is going to be eternal now guys what my intention is is to shake you up to shake you up I'm going to say things the things I've said are true but the thing you're going to have to do that requires a lot of wisdom is figure out how this works in your life you don't want to be extreme outside of God's will on one way but you don't want to be denying that these are calls to discipleship but you have a different context each one of in you've got to figure out how to work this out also do not take things that are good and eliminate them out of your life just do not allow them to become God's in your life okay now I don't know what I'll do tomorrow morning there's a thing on I may give principles of courtship and things like that preparation for courtship there's also a whole section here on a godly woman and you say well what do I need to know about a godly woman if any of you ever read proverbs 31 the godly woman guess what it's not written to a woman most people fail to realize that it was written to a son guys let me tell you something I would be nothing I think humanly speaking without the wife that God gave me he gave me the exact person I needed really and I want to tell you something your wife will make you she'll break you she can make you become something you could never be without her she could destroy you and some things that we may get to talk about let me just share with you these things real quick one if that woman does not respect the authority of her father she will not respect yours secondly beauty is a wonderful thing sensuality run from it like the girl had leprosy a girl who dresses sensuously so that others can see her you run from her like the plague you run from her like the plague because do you think that sensuality is going to stop when she marries you sensuality is one of the most deadly things that a man can come up against a girl who will not hide herself from men will not hide herself from men after she marries you beauty is a absolute wonderful thing I married a beautiful beautiful woman now you want to marry a girl who is hidden who is chase who is pure now she might have a pass that's very dark because she didn't know Christ all right God could take a girl who had a very dark past and turn her into a beautiful person I'm not talking about you can only marry somebody who's just this you know Cinderella because you know we've all got dark pasts but think about is you be you be careful and you know don't don't like my wife says don't you play dumb with me you know exactly what I'm talking about you can't define sensuality but when you see it you know it I know I know a lady was a friend of mine a friend of my wife's who is literally she look looks like a supermodel I'm not kidding you and if she walked through that door right now every one of you turn around and look and just think to your so this is what you'd think wow that's a that's a beautiful lady that's a very elegant she moves like poetry just a beautiful lady that's all that's all you'd think but you also know there are girls that could walk through that door that wouldn't be half as physically beautiful as her and the moment you turned your eyes on them you'd have to turn away if you are a godly young man because you know what's coming forth is not beauty its sensuality and that is a deadly deadly thing and it will wreak havoc on your life you also want to think about this this girl you're going to marry is going to be the mother to your children it's going to be the mother to your daughter okay and I'll tell you this guys by desiring a hiddenness simplicity chase Ness in a woman it will draw that out of a woman that's part of what leadership is you know you may meet a girl one day and it may be the girl that God wants you to to marry but it doesn't mean the moment you meet her you should marry her and maybe she's she's been taught wrong okay but but as you you talk and things like that you begin to say things look I I really care about you but these are things that they do not please me as a man I desire what God desires which is inward beauty chase Ness innocence simplicity okay maybe we'll get a chance to talk about that tomorrow so well let's let's pray and then you can kill each other in dodgeball the guy that scares me is the one who just kicks things where's he at where you like the kicker for the football team or some that's you you're just out of your mind hey that balls going like 180 miles an hour you know that that that's an yeah I don't know what you're gifted at but you're gifted at this I can't wreck it all right well let's uh let's let's pray father thank you for this group of young men and I pray Lord that you will take these things and that you bless their lives that they would have fruitful bountiful lives that they would be a blessing Lord all the days of their life be like a tree planted by rivers of water that yields its fruit in its season and it's leaf does not wither and all that they do that they would prosper according to your will father help them bless them protect them from evil and evil men and evil women in Jesus name Amen

Channel: I'll Be Honest

Views: 199,335

Rating: 4.9006743 out of 5

Keywords: Paul, Washer, biblical, manhood, relationship, marriage, husband, wife, child, youth, group

Id: LVXXm49qg0I

Length: 82min 13sec (4933 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 27 2011