Young Men's Attitude to Women (Paul Washer)

[Music] yesterday night we finished by determining what a young man must be in order to even begin to think about someone of the opposite sex and entering into a relationship with him again it is something that you earn it is not yours by some right of privilege you have to earn this when you're awakened to the the beauty of the opposite sex you're awakened to the desire to have a relationship then you begin to prepare you make yourself a man and you do that primarily by studying the Scriptures by imitating Jesus Christ by growing in integrity and again let me say that one of the most terrifying things for a man is to take to himself a daughter of God because God loves his daughter now before we go on let me just say something that is very very important it may sound kind of just too simple but you need to hear it and it's this you do not treat a girl like you do one of your friends who's male I don't care if you think she's your best friend in the world you do not treat her like you would a boy like you would a man and another thing guys what are you doing if I know a lot of guys who say well my best friend is this girl what on earth are you doing that's wrong it's just flat-out wrong you say why is it wrong here's something you need to understand a girl does not listen to what you say she listens she listens or she looks at what you do you can tell her all day long you are just friends she is not going to believe you if you keep coming around and even though you probably cannot see it if she's still around you and hanging around you as a friend it's because that's the best that she can do right now and she's hoping your sentiments toward her will change you are doing wrong okay when I talked about you enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex you enter in a relationship with a girl that there is an emotional bond there that's never going to be erased even if there's no physical contact well it's even more so for her it's even more so for her okay when you do when you are around girls you treat them with the utmost dignity even though it might even be offensive to them I mean honestly I want to tell you something we live in an age where I discern many times when when I'm in certain situations in the street or whatever going on a campus being in a high school walking through a mall what has happened to the feminine gender is frightening the horrible things that I've heard them say the things the spirit that they carry many times it's more dangerous it's more frightening than even what you see in young men I'm telling you guys our culture is just totally messed up so that the ideas of purity innocence chase nests are just out the window it's mocked not just among guys it's mocked among girls but you are to be different you are to treat girls completely different you do not wrestle with them you do not play with them you do not punch them you do not grab them you do not yell at them you do not talk to them the way that you may roughhouse around another guy God's will is that you demonstrate the utmost respect and you afford them dignity even if they do not even care you know I was I was teaching in Europe last year and a bunch of girls came into the auditorium and kind of European techno punk type of stuff and pretty wild and I tell you my heart went out for them because you could tell immediately they didn't have a father and it was it was a lot of a lot of them there so I asked them this question I said girls how many of you have seen BBC's version of Pride and Prejudice or even Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley and most of them raised their hand and I said after you saw the movie or while you were viewing the movie did it did it just make you feel sad in a way a melancholy maybe that you couldn't understand most of them said yes and I said let me you know let me get suggest to you what was the reason for the melancholy is that you live in a culture that has killed Beauty its killed dignity its killed innocence its killed mannered manners and courtesy and chivalry and absolutely everything and here you watch this movie where women dress a certain way they're refined in a certain way they don't participate in the brutish things of men they're concealed there again innocent it's it's like this I say young girls can you imagine a movie where a girl is sitting there and all of a sudden a guy reaches for a book and while he reaches for the book she reaches for the book and he happens just to touch her hand lightly while he's reaching for the book and it literally takes her breath away see we can't experience that anymore kenley because we're so just immoral and gross that the touching of the hand can't cause your heart to beat faster it can't take your breath away because of the culture in which you live the death of beauty it's your job to restore that in your life and in the life of your wife to restore that that is your job now let me share with you something my boys are for the most part always going to buy their clothes at Walmart I mean that's that's choices that we've made they're not going to look high-fashion let's say that there's a bunch of young guys typical college guys and they're all in this room and a bunch of girls kind of in a room like this let's say and and they're all just typical you know talking to the girls like you would a guy and just kind of walking around slumped all over just acting cool and whatever all right you got really nice cars you got really nice clothes you got you look cool you've got all the right stuff but then my two boys walk in they don't have the right shoes on they don't have the right pants maybe their hair is not even cut right they don't look cool and they don't even know your language but when they walk in you see two guys that stand up straight two guys that have a seriousness to them even though there's a joy they have a strength to them in character and body and everything else and they walk over they know how to carry on a conversation they look at the girls treat them with an absolute dignity and when they leave no one's going to be talking about their car their clothes how cool they were how relevant how contemporary or anything else they're just going to say man who were those two guys I mean I have you know the girls are gonna walk away con I never had anyone talked to me that way see it's the idea of christ-like character I mean but I want to tell you this you act like a biblical man today and I hate to tell you this but you act like a biblical man today don't expect people to appreciate it some people will some people will will hate you they'll just hate you even though you don't say anything to them to rebuke them again guys just to start off being a Christian is is more than just simply listening to Christian music or reading your Bible and it's more than just getting a few doctrines right and it's more than witnessing it's literally every aspect of your life being submitted to scripture so that you do stick out like a sore thumb see you have been led to believe that in order to be relevant in the world you've got to be like the world and that's just the opposite of what the Bible actually teaches to be relevant you want to not look like the world you don't want to know their stuff you want to be innocent to their evil you're gonna stick out like an alternative you're gonna stick out like something completely different it's unbelievable today how Christianity has totally flip-flop from its biblical purpose we're relevant to the world because we're completely different but today we're taught even by ministers and everything else to be relevant you got to look like I'm act like I'm talk like I'm know their lingo everything else no Paul said to be innocent to evil to be innocent to it not even know their game you don't care to know now we talked about what a young man must be in order to think about marriage but now I want to talk about just the women for a moment we're going to look at proverbs 31 why because again proverbs 31 was not written to a young girl proverbs 31 was written to a young man because I want to tell you something guys the choice you make and a wife is going to determine the blessing or the curse of your entire life it really is I just want to look at it first a few things first of all a young woman may pursue a relationship with the opposite sex only after she has embraced adulthood and its responsibilities okay you're going to be looking for a woman that's not just beautiful because she might just have no character whatsoever but someone who has embraced adulthood biblical adulthood she doesn't want to be a child she doesn't want to just play with her friends she wants to follow Christ in the context of a family the first thing you've got to ask yourself is is she mature in the fear of the Lord does she fear the Lord proverbs 31:30 charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord she shall be praised I want you to think about that I mean you just you can look at it we say the same thing about young men but right now we're talking about young women guys after a while a beautiful woman without discretion is like a gold ring in a pig snout it will be the most disgusting vile thing to you because literally as you grow older your intimacy and the relationship and everything will continue on it should grow but the thing about it is what's going to keep your marriage together is her character to be able to talk to you to be able to share the same things to be able to invest in something eternal now she is mature in the fear of the Lord also she recognizes her role as her husband's helped me to carry out his divine appointment I know that sounds so wrong but I'm sorry that's why God created Eve after he created Adam that she would be a helpmate now I want you to look at something you've all probably heard about biblical submission how the husband is the head of the home what you need to understand though his authority is given to a man not to build his kingdom authorities given to a man to serve his wife and his children he seeks to lead his wife and his children biblically for their greatest eternal good now if a woman believes a godly girl believes that she is to submit to her husband and she looks over there and all she sees is an immature boy who does everything for himself that has a great way of creating bitterness in her heart but if she looks over there and sees a husband that is his whole focus is this hallowed be your name your kingdom come your will be done and he's using everything he has all his gifts his talents his authority his place as a husband and father he's using it all to bless his wife and children and to bless the church and bless the world it's easy for her to submit to a man like that so she needs to realize in Genesis 2:18 it says the then the Lord said the Lord God said it is not good for man to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him someone who comes alongside him and helps him do the work that God gave him not she doesn't help him become all he can be in this life she doesn't help him attain all his selfish goals she helps him carry out the divine commandments that he's been given to advance the kingdom of Christ in the world whether it's as a missionary or an orthodontist he finds his fulfillment in leading she finds her fulfillment in helping now something very important that I want you to see if that young lady does not submit to her father and does not honor her father she will not submit to you she will not honor you so it's one of the things you want to look for what is her relationship with her father now she could be a very dignified young lady but her father is a terrible sinner so I mean you need to be very careful here but if you see a rebellious spirit which is the boast of people today run from it I don't care how beautiful you think she is run from it now also she must be willing to be a caregiver teacher and disciplinarian of her children this woman she is going to be the mother of your children so do you want a girl who dress essentially and wants to party all the time is that really what you want is that what you want for your children I don't think so a caregiver psalms 131 - says surely i have composed and quieted my soul like a weaned child rest against his mother my soul is like a weaned child within me the idea of a child resting upon its mother that she is someone upon whom the children can rest someone in which they can find comfort and care someone that you would want to entrust your children to she needs to be a teacher and a disciple proverbs 6:20 my son observed the commandments of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother you do not want to marry a fool and if girls were sitting here right now I'd be telling them you do not want to marry a fool because that fool is going to have to lead you that fool is going to have to teach your children in the same way you do not want to marry a girl who is just this vain sensual creature without any sense in her head who can absolutely do nothing except dress up and party you need to marry someone who can manage the home now here's the thing that you need to be very careful about and it's this brother vodi Baucom and i were teaching one time on a platform together answering questions and these three girls were kind of angry at some of the things let's just say some of the things Bodi said they couldn't have been angry at me and and I vote he picked up on it and so did I you could tell well these three girls were brilliant I think two of them were studying to be doctors and one of them was studying to be a lawyer they were top of their class everything else and and the girl basically said you know the girl said look we're gonna do this and be mothers and Bodie and I both responded to that in this way I'm sorry you're wrong and they said what do you mean we're wrong okay how much young lady does the average doctor work a week the average doctor works somewhere between 75 and 85 hours a week more than double what most men work at an office job so now how just mathematically how do you plan on doing this you're either going to be a doctor for a while and you're going to quit or take care of your family or a few months after your child is born they're going to be put in preschool daycare and then kindergarten then grade school then middle school then high school then college and no you are not going to have been a mother you are going to be a doctor who paid someone else to raise the children you need to ask yourself a real strong question here listen my wife is very intelligent could do a lot of things could could be making money right now we live on a lower income my wife does not work she manages our home we homeschool our children that's a decision you're gonna have to make everybody says no my wife and I have to work we both have to work in order to make ends meet that's a lie in most cases in most cases it's a lie your wife and you have to work because you want to new cars and you want to live in a house far too big and far too expensive and far too nice you want to wear certain clothes and you want to go out to eat all the time I mean don't kid yourself you're going to have to make these decisions how are you going to live and really some guys and I'm not mad at them but some guys should just say I'm not going to marry I want to be selfish and I want to play with my friends go ahead do that until you're 80 years old but don't bring a woman into it and some couples they should just go out and and and every possibility from themselves of having children why because they think they can have their cake and eat it too well I'm here to tell you you cannot unless someone leaves you several millions of dollars forget it you can't you've got to make some hard choices and some couples should just make the choice that they're never going to have children and I don't even know why some couples have children because immediately when the children are born they turn them over to somebody for someone else to raise and so these are big important questions your wife is going to have to be a caregiver she's going to be a teacher decide Blur and she's going to be a disciplinarian if she herself is not disciplined how is she going to discipline the children proverbs 29:15 the rod and reproof give wisdom but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother most children bring shame to their mother because their mother does not discipline them their father does not discipline them you live in an age if no discipline and that's why they run wild that's why in the end parents end up almost hating their children by the time their children are six years old because they do not discipline them these are things that you've got to think about when you're going to marry a girl see most of you probably if you're like normal guys you're just thinking about is she pretty is she nice do I like being around her you're going look you're going to make an enterprise with her if you're the boss a recruiter or you're hiring people for a company you don't you don't go in and hire somebody because they have a nice personal appearance and you kind of like being around them you don't do that why you're building something that is going to require integrity talent ability everything on the part of that person it's the same way when you're looking for a wife you're not gonna sit there go she's cute she may be a she may be so vain that you couldn't even begin you know to even deal with her vanity she may be something she doesn't even know it she can't cook she doesn't know how to run a house she knows absolutely nothing but see that's what they're taught today isn't it most girls are taught that if you want to be a homemaker you are a loser a total loser if all you want to be as a wife and raise children you are a loser I submit to you our entire country is a loser because no one's raising our children and we're going back to that same thing I talked about last night with Rousseau and all those others were just paying that would just help paying taxes so the government can raise our children and that's why after our children are in that mess for a few years we don't even know who they are anymore you were taught things and continue to be taught things that - your grandfather would have been an unspeakable abomination and you're taught and forced to believe every day it's ok what do you think's going to happen to your children the next generation what will they be taught sooner or later you've got to stand up and say look the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket I'm not turning my children over to them I am going to raise up a family a godly heritage to the Lord no matter what it cost me with regard to career or anything else I am going to serve my God by serving my family and serving my church and I am going to sooner or later guys this is you're gonna have to make this decision several times in your life I've had to make it not only in secular world but also in the religious world sooner or later you've got to say stop the you know the carousel I'm getting off I'm not playing this game anymore I'm gonna follow Christ and these are hard decisions now another thing we want to I want to look really quick she is the manager of the household okay she's the manager of the household she can do organization financing cooking handling the home everything about the home she can handle it you don't want to read a neat book it's marriage to a difficult man it's about mrs. Edwards the wife of Jonathan Edwards I mean all that guy did was study you know he didn't even know what was going on most of the time I think their story is told at one time he said you know honey we got to bring the crops in she said husband we did that two weeks ago she recognized that he was given a tremendous gift unlike very few men that ever lived on the planet she molded her life around not him but what God was doing in him she recognized that he was the girl in the greatest Christian scholars that ever walked the planet and she said he needs to be locked away in that office thirteen hours a day or whatever studying and writing she took care of everything I am NOT the man Jonathan Edwards is but praise God I have a wife who manages the home she manages just almost everything about it that's what you're looking for guys that's what you're looking for and so now I want to look at just a few things from Proverbs really quick and again you can have these notes I can give them to to Doug lessons from proverbs proverbs 31 27 she looks well to the ways of her household that's one the number one things that you need to think about here is a girl that looks to her household she looks to her home now just a few things about her we're gonna look at 14 things I'm just gonna read them off her husband trusts in her to manage the home and the family verse 11 she does him good and not evil verse 12 she is industrious verse 16 through and 24 she is the very opposite of a sluggard one of the ways you can discover whether or not you need to marry a girl when they have open house or whatever in the dorms I guess now it's always open house you just go look at her dorm room it's a pigsty run away from her and I would tell her the same thing about you two okay guys let me tell you something it is biblical it would be biblical for me to pull off my belt and whip you okay if I ever go to your home when you come home from school then you go back to see your mom and dad and she has to do your wash pick up your underwear and make your bed you deserve to be horsewhipped your mother was not brought into this world to do your wash as soon as the young man is able he ought to be picking up his room cleaning his room making his bed doing his washing to everything else mom is not his servant your wife is not your servant she will manage the home she will do wash and laundry and things like this but she should not be picking up your underwear okay so she is going to be the very opposite of a sluggard but you need to be the very opposite of a slug or two she delights in her work verse 13 she arises while it is still night verse 15 her lamp does not go out at night verse 18 she does not eat the bread of idleness verse 27 she is a person who's industrious she is serious about serving God in the context of the family she is knowledgeable in practical duties I mean and this is not the fault of the young ladies this is the fault of our culture and parents but I mean there are girls right now that are you know they're their own campus right now they could they couldn't boil water they couldn't so they couldn't manage a home they couldn't do anything and be very careful about your Christian ministries because you'll take a girl like that and try to try to get her involved in discipleship what she can't even do the basic things of a human being and you want her to cycling someone else because she's got some of your discipleship material we need to realize this Christianity thing is supposed to make its way down folks into everything okay into the way we live teaching people how to do what's necessary to sustain a family to sustain a family guys family is God's will it is God's will there are only a few people in history that have the gift of celibacy by and large family is God's will God instituted the family before he did the church doesn't mean the family is more important than the church but the church cannot function without the family and the family cannot function without the church and this world hates marriage it hates family it hates the role of men and it hates the role of women that's why men men are applauded for being feminine and women today are applauded for being masculine now she's knowledgeable and practical duties her mother's taught her something she has strength of character and body verse 17 and verse 25 she is prepared for the future she has something of a bring it on mentality verses 21 25 she's cared for her home she's prepared everything that needs to be done and she kind of stands there and says bring it on I'm ready she goes beyond she goes beyond what the world would call beauty she is beautiful and she may be physically beautiful but her beauty is inward you're gonna discover something that after a while it's not going to be the physical beauty of your wife it's gonna make or break you it's gonna be her character and even when she gets older you'll sit there and one day when she's walking with Christ unusually in the power of the Holy Spirit one day you're gonna recognize her physical appearance hasn't changed a bit but her spiritual appearance has changed and it's caused you to love her like you've never loved her before in the end guys the beauty has to be in word now I want you to look at some verse 21 and 22 her family is not just clothed but her family is clothed with scarlet not just her family but she herself she's not a person who just is this miserly person that everything is poor in the home and she's just pinching pennies no she's a person who's able to take what she has and even make beauty out of it let me give you an example guys this is very important several several years ago Maya might have been 15 years ago 20 years ago I don't know I was looking at a TV I was looking at the news and they came on with this this guy he had a typical home in the suburbs kind of just an average home probably built in the 60s or something he had two cars he had a boat he wasn't in debt and at that time he made something like $21,000 a year which people were saying this is impossible the guy has a home the guy has two cars the guy has a boat they're all paid for and he makes $21,000 a year this is impossible and then they started in looking at his life and it wasn't impossible a godly person now listen to me can take half the money of a wealthy person and do far more with it and prosper much much more a given example do you think you need something so you go in debt a godly person will wait upon the Lord and pray and oftentimes God will provide what he needs without him ever having to go in debt he won't compete with other people with regard to homes and cars and everything else he saves this money he can you know one of the things that I like to do is find ways to just well I'll give you an example my wife lived in Peru with me she's lived in tents you name it she's done every kind of sacrifice you can imagine we came to States I wanted to make her kitchen a really nice kitchen because she loves to cook she's just she's a great cook and so I got her a stainless steel stove stainless steel microwave fridge put this big counter everything people said how did you do it I did it over a period of a year two times each week I went to Lowe's to scratch and dent where they have things that have a scratch behind it no one will see in there half what they would normally cost it took an entire year to do it but I have built her entire kitchen with less money than it would have taken most people to buy just junk and put it in the kitchen praying and asking God open up the door please provide something and you see it's the same way with clothing it's the same way a godly woman my wife is doing this study right now on coupons because she found this lady who goes literally and buys something like a you know a couple hundred dollars worth of groceries every week and pays something like forty six cents because she's got these huge books of coupons there that's what I'm talking about I'm not talking about people who live miserly and they always look bad and they have nothing I'm talking about godly people who God takes the little that they do have because they've given away because they've made hard choices not to make money because of their family things like that but God can prosper them above what he prospers the wealthy he can he most certainly can now she is charitable verse 20 she is marked by kindness and wisdom verse 26 she is fruitful verse 14 she delights in her gain and it encourages her she sets about with a home business her husband is honored by the most respected men of the city because of her verse 23 she fears the Lord verse 30 to end this let me just say this do not marry a Cinderella do not marry some beauty queen you may marry a girl that is gorgeous you may marry a girl physically beautiful I can assure you this is one of the ways in which you know the girl is God's girl for you is you will be attracted to her you will think she's beautiful she will be the girl you want to be with but realize this guys you can be carried away by your sensuality and you can follow after a girl that is deaf in the scripture there are sensual girls all throughout the book of Proverbs and the Bible describes him as the grave as the pit as death as destruction and they really can be now I want us to look at preparation prior to to entering into a relationship a courtship first of all every aspect of our life in every aspect of our life every season is God's will and we must be content sometimes my little boys will say I wish I was 16 I wish I was this I wish I was that and I have to point out to them that is wrong that's even sin that we are to be content in every stage of our lives that God has given us every stage right now in your singleness you ought to be content what you ought to be doing you shouldn't be chasing girls you shouldn't be doing this and that and all these crazy things with this free time in your singleness you should be preparing for marriage you should be serving the Lord in a way that you can as a single person you should be studying hard you should be putting back monies you should be preparing this is a time to prepare look what the world tells you you're single you're free waste it just think about this you're single you're free waste it play xbox until three in the morning go out partying run around with your friends and in the end you've accomplished nothing we're a culture of fun and in the end there's nothing to show for it use this time completely opposite of what the world tells you use it to invest now I want us to look at areas of preparation this is important first of all spiritually I like to say if you think John the Baptist wrote the Gospel of John then you are not spiritually prepared to be married if you don't know the Scriptures you should not think at all about the opposite sex intellectually if you have books with only big pictures in them you're probably not ready to marry now guys spiritually we need to be ready intellectually we need to be ready to marry why what do you want to hand down to your children do you literally want to be this this person who knows nothing so that then you have to hand your children off to some government institution to fill them up with everything they believe you must be a person who desires to know most people after they graduate from college and ever read a book you need to develop yourself intellectually you need to read the classics you need to think about using that mind of yours for a purpose and to grow in every area of your life spiritually intellectually emotionally now let me just say this if you throw a temper tantrum because your parents will not let you go to the mall if you're depressed because you do not have the latest version of Xbox or you lock yourself in a room and cry because it looks like the barber used a weed eater to cut your hair and it doesn't look nice you got some serious problems but I'm the reason why I've give these illustrations I've seen this I've seen this out of college students guys all right they're emotionally they're just little girls and they're always crying to one another and sharing feelings you didn't get that's not who you are you were taught to do that you were taught to think this way but you were not taught by scripture to think this way practically you know guys here's the thing you know how to use jumper cables can you fix something I mean do you know that I just I I don't know where I saw this or if someone told it to me but fortune 500 companies and things now again I need to research this better but if it is true it's a good illustration there's a lot of companies that before they wouldn't look at somebody unless they had a college degree now they're not doing that anymore because they recognize the guys coming out of college no absolutely zero and even some of the bigger companies are hiring guys from technical schools because at least they can do something at least they know something they didn't go to school and just get a certain degree and party all the time or just run around with their friends or just learned nothing you see guys there needs to be need to be developed practically I mean what can you do there's kind of a foxhole mentality here if there was a war would I jump in a foxhole with you or would I run past and look for someone else are you the type of person that someone had said yeah he he'll figure it out he'll do it he'll accomplish it he's got that if he doesn't understand it he'll he'll just figure it out he's got the wisdom to do it you know and and these are things that are no longer developed in manhood I mean our fathers aren't teaching us how to hammer nail fix plumbing work on a car or anything else anymore that the practical aspects of life I mean let's think about it for a moment if if some kind of apocalyptic thing happened and you were just out there on your own whether it's thrown out in the woods or thrown out in an urban setting in which literally war was going on what would you do hide in a closet and cry get together and and weep to one another and have a group hug or sing Kumbaya together what would you do you know here's the thing someone's got to get up and say look we're going to die we're going to eat we got to go kill something if we're going to make it through this we're going to use our head these we've lost so much of this so much of this my dad was it was just an incredible mathematician and things like that he worked with Union Carbide and did a lot of things with did some things even with the space program and things like that and I can remember my dad sitting down there when I was a kid with a slide ruler and just working out calculations like you could not believe now we can do all those in the blink of an eye because we have a computer but could we actually do the calculations you know there's a practical aspect of life guys one of the things that I I do with my boys every Christmas every birthday I go to Sears and I get each of them a lifetime guarantee craftsman tool so that when they leave my home they're going to have all the tools they need to work on things see we don't think about that anymore do we we go to we go to some being Toys R Us and by our boys all kinds of silly things that tear up in about a day you know buy them a wrench let them take the car apart that type of thing let them learn something you see and guys I'm telling you this because even though I was raised on a farm raised on a horse ranch cattle ranch honestly everything I know how to do I'd know how to do simply because I watched and then do it no one taught me they should have taught me we should teach our sons and what's great you know what's fantastic about having children is you get to educate yourself you think to yourself man I got to teach my kid how to do this I don't even know how to do this so you learn how to do it you teach your kid but see you're not going to be able to do that if you're a dislocated father who's just abandoned the family because all you do is bring home the money a coach teaches your kid how to be tough teachers teach your kid all about ethics worldview and everything that's scary and then you take your son to Sunday School for 30 minutes so he can draw pictures of Noah's Ark and then you wonder why can't we combat culture this is why now the young man here's some of the things I want you to see first of all we're gonna just have to skip this part because I want to get down to another part I want to look at the principles of courtship before we close this first of all in the principles of courtship the relationship is initiated by the young man it is not initiated by the girl now right now if this was on film and Oprah got a hold of it I'd probably be on The Oprah Winfrey Show tomorrow and they'd all be laughing at me I don't care if it was on CNN right now it'd be a cause of scandal throughout the nation because I said that a young man ought to initiate the relationship but that's what the Bible teaches it says this in Genesis 2:24 for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother in the scriptures women who pursue men are considered immoral proverb seven women who pursue men are considered immoral in every situation where you see women pursuing men it's immoral it's looked down upon with Scripture it doesn't say the young girl shall leave her father and mother it says the young man shall leave her father and mother leave his father and mother and pursue the girl you probably all heard the statement her hand in marriage there's a reason for it it actually comes from a biblical belief that until that girl for that girl's life from the time she is born she's under the authority care and protection of her father until the day her father takes her hand and puts her hand in the hand of her husband and at that moment she's under his care and protection she's never to be wandering around in the world what you think about something for a moment am I going to take my little girl who I've trained who have guarded in purity who have taught modesty whoo I've poured my life into and my wife has poured her life into would I actually throw her into a university like yours not on your life would I do that I know what I know what will happen to her on that campus I know what young guys your age will say to her I know the approaches they'll make I would never throw my daughter into such a disgusting situation now that sounds hard I'm not talking about you I'm not I don't know you but I know what goes on on college campuses I throw my daughter in that cesspool there's no way no way a bunch of brutish animals young men driven by lust with no sense no wisdom there is no way my daughter will be put in that situation you say well is she gonna go to college if the schooling is right at home she'll know more literature and things when she graduates at 12th grade from our home than she will she graduated from your college I mean how many classics are you guys reading and she'll be under our care and then one day God will bring a fine young man it's my desire and she will never know of the evil that everyone tells me she's supposed to know about because her husband will protect her innocence you see how wrong the world is it's wrong God take our little daughters and throw them into the wolves it's terrible now next the young man should prayerfully evaluate his own motives as to why he's attracted to a certain young lady lamentations 340 says let us examine and probe our ways and let us return to the Lord why are you attracted to this young lady are you attracted to Biblical Beauty or are you attracted to sensuality sensuality proceeds from a wicked heart mark 7 21 through 23 for from within out of the heart of men proceed evil thoughts fornications thefts murders adulteries deeds of coveting and wickedness as well as deceit sensuality evil slander pride and foolishness you walk down the street and there is a girl dressed to kill I mean she is dressed to kill to the point that if you actually are a Christian the moment she passes your path you're gonna have to put your head down and turn away from her and if you don't you're gonna be snared you know exactly what I'm talking about all right I can tell you she has a wicked heart I don't care she loves puppies I don't care she has a wicked heart because out of that heart of hers is coming that sensuality in which she's literally parading her body in front of everyone she can to capture somebody that's not the kind of woman you want to marry my friend it's not now sensuality is a deed of the flesh Galatians 5:19 now the deeds of the flesh are evident which are immorality impurity and sensuality it's pitiful when you go to some churches and you literally have to pray me as a preacher I know when I go into some just to preach I have to prepare my heart because I know when I look out over the congregation I'm gonna see people dress sensuously that's pathetic but you've probably never heard a sermon on clothing in any of the churches you attend because immediately even some of you would probably jump up and say that's legalism because you've been trained that if anybody talks about a command or the manifest will of God your first declaration is to be that's legalism and you know what you're proving you're proving just what Jesus said depart from me I never knew you those of you who claim to be my disciples but you lived as though I never gave you a law to obey see how dangerous it is to be in contemporary Christianity it's extremely dangerous so you need to ask yourself are you attracted to biblical beauty or sensuality also are you attracted to virtue or are you attracted to personality now we're not saying it's bad to have a personality but personality without virtue is extremely dangerous I know I know wicked preachers who can charm you to no end can take you in grab a hold of you pull you in and you think that they're the greatest things since John the Baptist and the fact they're wicked they just got a tremendous personality that can overpower people okay proverbs 31:10 says who can find a virtuous woman I mean uh yes who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies you're not wanting just a flashy personality in a woman you're wanting virtue now when you think that here's the that you're prepared that you have the right motives that this is the girl for you what should you do the young man should seek out godly counsel from the biblical authorities over him first of all from his father even if your father is an unbeliever you should honor your father and go to him even if he laughs and don't want to do it at least make the attempt go to him and say father do you think that I am prepared to marry proverbs 4-1 heroes sons the instruction of a father and give attention that you may gain understanding you need to go to your father but secondly and especially if your father drops the ball and just doesn't care you need to go to elders first Peter 5:5 you younger men likewise be subject to your elders and all of you clothed yourselves with humility one port toward one another for God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble you need to go to godly godly men preferably elders in the church and say do you think I'm prepared the problem is again you go these megachurches and most elders won't even know if you remember or not you see how things just start declining go to other godly Christians proverbs 11:14 where there is no guidance the people fall but in abundance of counselors there is victory and if all the authorities in your life say look you're too young this that don't follow country music that tells you to go ahead and marry if all the authorities in your life tell you look you're not ready that should be some serious red flags for you and you should maybe put on the brakes or if they tell you she is not ready you should maybe put on the brakes for a while you say well what if I miss my opportunity if God's sovereign you won't miss your opportunity now what I usually do is if I am as a leader if I tell a young man you're not ready to marry and his father has dropped the ball total he's not a member of the church or anything the fog then then I just don't have the right of telling a young man you're not ready I have to tell him you're not ready and let me try to work out something with the elders and see if we can make you ready so you always want to give somebody hope don't you because a lot of guys they just need some help just need some help now the young man if his father and the elders of the church say yeah this great thing you're ready she seems to be ready then the young man should seek permission from the authorities in the young woman's life he should seek to honor her father and mother now I just want to throw some principles at you that are principles first of all the young woman's father has the right to deny permission immediately Exodus 22 16 and 17 numbers 33 3 five you could go to the father and say I want to you know I'd like to you know I've been praying about your daughter and and I would like to you know maybe court her the father has the right say no and if you go what does she say you right there prove that you're not ready to marry her when I wanted to marry my wife I was 31 years old her father said No so I honored him and after six months he's enough doesn't know the Lord after six months he told my uh my wife's grandparents he said I'm gonna go ahead and say yes because I cannot believe that young man obeyed me I mean who would do that today who would obey me he must be I mean I don't understand his Christianity and everything but I mean he's 31 years old they're in a completely different country he didn't have to submit to me he did he can marry her you see now if the father approves to the young man he should not communicate his approval unto him until he has his daughter's approval for example if you're the greatest guy in the world and the father thinks man you are you know you're the Apostle Paul made over he just thinks you're the greatest thing in the world he does not tell you as a father yes I would love to see you court my daughter he doesn't say that why it's not about the day I if he approves it he should just look at you and say you know let me pray about it for two weeks he doesn't say let me go talk to my daughter and I'm gonna tell you why in a minute he just says hey let me pray about it for a couple of weeks and then I'll call you up and we'll set up another time to talk why he goes back and he talks to his daughter if he if he mentions your name to the daughter and she throws up it's probably you don't have a very good chance but if he may if he says to the daughter look so-and-so came and and wants to court you and she jumps up on her bed starts doing flips and sings the Hallelujah Chorus then you're probably doing doing okay but she says if she says if she says to her father she says dad I I don't want to court that guy I have no feelings for that guy then here's what dad does dad goes back in two weeks and if she says that he may tell her look pray about it for a week okay just pray about it she prays about after a week she says dad I just don't want to court that guy so he goes back calls up the boy and says come visit me the boy comes and he says I've prayed about it for two weeks and I've made my decision the answer is no now look what the father's doing he doesn't say I went and talked to my daughter and she said no because as the father it's his responsibility to protect her from any conflict with a man so the father takes the brunt of it so if the young man's angry let him be angry at dad okay so he says look I've prayed about it the answer is no and if the young man again says well what did your daughter say his son you just proved why my answer is no look at you you can't even respect me you won't respect my daughter see I'm protecting my daughter I stand between my daughter and some young guy say it doesn't happen on your campus doesn't girls are in conflict all the time with guys no dad to protect them and the government sure not going to do it schools not gonna do it and the churches aren't going to do it so she's there wandering all alone now but if my daughter says yes daddy I mean daddy I've just been praying about this guy this is absolutely yes yes dad so I call up the young man and I say come visit me come visit me I sit down with him and I said I've approved of this now here's what we're going to do I would like to talk to your father now this is a perfect case scenario because some families would just laugh at this if I called him but in a perfect case scenario what I do your father was a Christian and was dedicated to the things of God I would call your father and I said we need to sit down and talk you and I your wife and my wife when you sit down and talk and someone says well what if they live across the country dude take a plane this is important when you'll spend money to go to Walt Disney World I mean this is important and why are we going to sit down together we're going to sit down together to find a way to bless our children to line out a plan where they can get to know one another without falling without falling we're going to build a relationship because we may be in-laws we're going to be United in purpose we're going to pray together we're going to build parameters of protection and we're going to provide accountability now I know this sounds so different than anything you've probably ever heard before but look at the alternative now let me share with you to bring to an end some warnings against sexual immorality the most dangerous aspect of any relationship between two people of the opposite sex is sexual immorality that's it now I want you to understand something if you don't agree with me you're wrong and and if you don't agree with me you are going to really hurt yourself so that's just so that you know here it is it is impossible to be alone with someone of the opposite sex for any extended period of time without falling into some form of sexual immorality a guy called me up one time he was getting ready go to seminary and I knew him he's godly guy I knew his the girl he was dating I knew her a little bit she's a godly girl and he calls me up one day and I mean this guy's a man's man and he's crying he's like I can't take it anymore I said and what is wrong he said huh you know I pray I read the word she prays reads the word but when we get together sometimes we make these commitments that we're not going to touch we're not going to hug we're not going to do this and then one thing leads to another and in the end you know she's confused she feels shameful I feel like an idiot who can't lead a woman and we do this and we've fallen we haven't had sex we haven't come you know we haven't gone all the way as they say but we've done things that's just caused such confusion to the relationship and I said well what do your college counselors tell you to do because he was you know he had a lot of guys counseling on campus and and he said well they tell me that uh you know this is tough I need to pray I need to work read the word I need to really you know it's difficult and I said you use my name and you go back and tell them they need to stop counseling people you tell them to come talk to me if they want to but I'm telling them to stop counseling people look God does not command you to pray to be strong enough to do something he told you not to do it's just a plain fact if you're with a girl long enough that you're attracted to and you're isolated enough alone enough you are going to fall now that's just all that's going to happen I don't it's not a question of are you strong enough that Bible answers that no you're not strong enough so don't do it do not be alone in dangerous places with that girl because you are going to fall and when you do she's gonna feel ashamed because she's not acted like a godly young lady you're gonna feel ashamed and embarrassed because you've led her it's your fault it's your fault I don't care what happens it's your fault you did it you're the man you're the leader it's your fault you led her in a way that hurt her and so you're the one that's gonna marry this girl how are you going to lead her when you get married you see it is your fault young man but here's the thing that no one's told you no one can do it no one can do it no one no one let's say a preacher comes to preach at your church and they've given him a hotel room with a kitchen in it and things like that because he's going to be there for a week and a half preaching ok well let's say that you're on staff at the church and you and the pastor the staff and the pastor's go pick him up one day at 12 o'clock to eat lunch and you knock on the door of the hotel room and one of the single moms very attractive single mom in your church opens the door and you're like and then all of a sudden the preacher comes the door goes hey how's it going you could what what on earth is going on here he said we'll come on in we're making cookies we just finished the batch of cook you're doing what what we're making cookies and you see the cookies on the tray you see them on the table you know they both got aprons on do you realize the meetings are over you're going to cancel the meetings if oh why you're going to look at that preacher and say what on earth are you doing you're alone in your hotel room with a lady from our church is a single mom the meetings are over furthermore we're gonna have to go call up your board we're going to talk to your church this is a scandal but he says but all I'm doing is being alone with her can't you see how dangerous that is you have a wife you have children she has a testimony all right the preacher let's face 55 years old he's got a wife and family a whole lot more to lose than you do he's 55 years old he's a lot more tired than you are but we think it's absolutely insane criminal it will destroy his ministry if we catch him alone with a woman even if they're making cookies because we realize how dangerous it is it is and how quickly their testimony can be destroyed so we see that is almost insane but then you guys will do it every day you'll date a girl and be alone we're there all the time and not see that you're in the same kind of danger you can destroy her life and yours now guys this is very very important the fierce nature of sexual immorality is portrayed throughout Scripture we are told to wrestle with the devil in Ephesians 6:12 and 13 to resist him and he will flee from us James 4:7 but in the matter of youthful lust we're commanded to flee isn't that amazing we are commanded to do hand-to-hand combat with the bots with the with the devil but when it comes to the youthful lust inside of you in your flesh you're told to run from it you're told to run from and if you don't you will be in a great deal of trouble now I want to close by saying this when I teach on any form of courtship or something it's always scary and I'll tell you why there are people who've written a lot of books on courtship and they get more stuff from just the Victorian era than they get from scripture there aren't a lot of principles but there are some okay and it's going to take wisdom on your part and godliness to figure out exactly how those principles apply let me give you an example exactly how you're to address your father and hers the Bible doesn't tell us the Bible does just tell us though that you should honor your father and you should honor hers okay the Bible tells us that it is extremely dangerous for you to be alone with her but but you know that doesn't mean that you're never alone with her one of the best things to do and again in the house of an elder in the house of a mom a dad or if you're far away from both your parents and your church is really big and elders don't have time of just finding a very very godly Christian couple who can chaperone you that you can go over to their house and they take it on themselves as a ministry that they will allow you to sit there in their house they'll even make a dinner for you things like that and then they'll leave the room they allow you to talk and be with the girl and get to know her you've just got to be creative guys you don't want to be legalistic and you don't want to get into something so strict that it's not biblical it's just suffocating but you do if you'll just follow a few biblical wise principles you will save yourself from harm honor her father and her mother honor your father and mother look for the Council of godly men and women do not be driven by lust or vanity or our outward beauty in selecting a mate look for someone with Christlikeness who'll be able to be a wife and raise your children when you get to know this person do it in a way that will protect you from falling because if you do get alone with her you will fall you will and these are just some things that you need to work through now just talking to some of you some of you are much farther along than I was when I was your age okay and I'm proud of that I'm glad to see that and exactly the things I told you here I don't want you to swallow it hook line and sinker I want you to take this and say okay I have really kind of been shaken up a bit I've heard things I've never heard before I need to ask myself I need to look at these scriptures and say is this true and if it is how does this apply to me and when you come up with your answers you need to go to other people and say hey am I just copping out here or is this right am I being too radical here or is this right you know what what do you think about this and guys look if you guys just go with the flow of Western evangelicalism you're not going to amount to much I'll tell you that right now if you just go with the flow of American Christianity you're just going to be you know your littles do your little Sunday thing be a little bit cleaner than everybody else at the office and really never make an impact on the world you turn your children over to be raised by other people and all these different things you're really not going to make that big of an impact on the world to follow Jesus Christ in the United States of America may be more difficult than any other place on the planet if you really do it if you really do it alright let's pray father thank you for this time and I pray dear God that you would uh Lord we've had to hurry through so many things but I pray that you would use this as a catalyst to get the young men in the word to seek out these things and and to be careful not to interpret the Word of God through the lens of their culture lord help them in Jesus name Amen please visit our website at heart crime machinery.com there you will find information about the ministry our purpose beliefs and methodologies and extensive information about the missionaries we are privileged to serve [Music]

Channel: LaneCh

Views: 67,106

Rating: 4.849123 out of 5

Keywords: paul washer, young men, women, porn, pornography, help, addiction

Id: Xx40rEpz27U

Length: 71min 6sec (4266 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 25 2012