Choosing a Wife/Beauty is Vain - Tim Conway

I want you to turn to proverbs 31 and verse 30 young men if if there's anything you remember from the Word of God that has to do with choosing a wife it is this verse don't let go of it don't forget it may it be before your eyes in your mind constantly something that you are giving thought to as you seek a life listen a wife a good wife a godly wife an excellent wife it says in proverbs 31:10 who can find she is far more precious than jewels I'll tell you what young men you find yourself a good wife she's more precious than jewels and that's inspired language that means that's what God has to say to you you find yourself a good wife what God says she's more valuable than jewels it's a good thing it comes from the Lord she's very valuable but I'll tell you this a bad wife is a curse and what the scripture says look I'll tell you this if you go through the Proverbs it's very interesting have you as you read the Proverbs take note on the repetition in the Proverbs many many many of the Proverbs are only stated one time and there are only several that are repetitively set forth you know what one of them is and it has to do with a wife it has to do with a woman you guys know what what I'm talking about how about this one proverbs 20:1 9 it is better to live in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife proverbs 20:1 19 it's better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful or easily provoked woman proverbs 25 24 it's better to live in the corner of a housetop then in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife proverbs 27 15 a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike people laugh at that I'll tell you what guys you get yourself quarrelsome wife and you'll not laugh but after the honeymoons over you'll find it not to be a laughing matter and I can tell you this I can remember not too long ago looking into the eyes of a young man that married a woman and he found out in a very few days in fact faster than most young men find it out that he had married a quarrelsome wife I'm telling you it is it is better to live in a desert you lived in a desert you guys live in San Antonio Texas you know it's like to live here in August and this isn't a desert so much you you go out there in West Texas and try to live out there in August among the cactus and the and the dry you know what God who inspired the Bible says it would be better for you to live out there you guys try and living in the corner of a housetop try living in the corner of the Attic upstairs that's not nice the Bible says again God telling you he's warning you it is better to live there than live with a wife that fretful it's the idea of easily provoked or quarrelsome dripping there are some men in the church that have lost wives I guarantee you you talk to them you know you talked to the men with lost wives you find out what kind of snare having having a wife because I'm thinking of a couple men in the church that have lost wives and they're not just lost their quarrelsome here's what proverbs 31:30 says charm is deceitful let's let's stop right there a word study on the word charm what do you guys think of when you think charm you think charisma right we do get that idea charm she's we don't really use the word right it who calls a woman charming don't it in fact isn't that something that's more used for men than for women but actually if we just think charm you might not get the full flavor of the word some of the synonyms some of the ways it could be translated actually favor grace elegance of form and appearance it's a it's got to do with form and appearance it's not just charming in that there's a good personality it's the idea even if to find favor in the eyes of men you know how look I can remember in my last days hopefully it's not the same although it does tend to be at times because even Christian young men are probably over drawn to good looks but I'm not gonna identify any of that or and I'm not gonna hang the Christian young men out to dry right here so I'll hang myself out to dry when I was lost and my friends I remember what it was like to go to college I lived in a house with ten guys we were a big party house lots of girls came through there you know what it's like guys when there's certain girls or a certain girl that when she comes in the room she tends to get the favor of the guys she tends to get the attention right she tends to get the look she tends to get the attention she tends to be the one that the guys kind of migrate to you know what I mean by that and and I mean you know when you have parties and stuff you may have five or ten or 20 different girls like that that come in because of their form because of their appearance because of their elegance it can be because of their personality or certain girls that they just have a really fun personality and they're um they're a magnet to guys and sometimes it's not sometimes it's coupled with looks sometimes it's coupled with a shapely body but sometimes it's not there are certain things that that men find attractive in certain combinations and you basically have that idea that that girl who draws the favor of men she's the girl that the guys like to smile at she's the girl that you know certain guys are gonna they're gonna choke on their words over they're gonna be uncomfortable around basically what the Bible says that's deceitful now think about the word deceitful basically carries the idea of something that deceives something that disappoints something that betrays think about that that I mean I pulled these right from the lexicons something that disappoints let me ask you this how how can that be something that would disappoint or betray what do you think is betraying about that what betrays what is deceitful about the girl who has favor with men not getting what you expected that's absolutely right not getting what you expected what do you expect and I would say this I'm talking not not from my last days I'm talking from my save days what did I expect from a wife I expected that finding a wife would make me happy and it did I expected that finding a wife would find somebody that I could have intimacy and closeness with and it did I expected in finding a wife somebody who would be a help to me and it was I expected in a wife somebody that was going to help me run the Christian race faster somebody that would be an encouragement to me somebody that would radiate Christ and my family somebody that would raise my children in a godly manner somebody that would be kind somebody that would show mercy somebody that would be industrious in the house somebody that would build up the house somebody that would be a help to me not a hurt to me somebody that would speak well of me not tear me down behind my back somebody who I would enjoy to be around somebody who made coming home a pleasant thing right I mean isn't that what a guy some somebody that I would enjoy being around right I mean somebody that would increase the level of happiness in my life that's what I mean come on guys I mean you're not going to say as a Christian you know finding a wife was all is all about sacrifice and and no it's not that I mean that's what I expected and you know what by and large that's that's what I found but here's what the Bible is saying that that woman now look a woman who has a shapely body a woman who has a good personality a woman who has outwardly outward beauty might possess godliness she might provide these things but you know what the Bible is saying as a general rule that girl that lady is going to betray you and I'll tell you this the Bible is pretty clear those those people ladies like that and we can bring it over to guys like that too they're the ones that the world are after and basically what is highly esteemed by the world is not highly esteemed by God and then there's an interesting next phrase beauty is vain beauty I just looked at the word Esther you remember Queen Vashti before it speaks about her beauty for she was lovely to look at that's what we mean by beauty loveliness a loveliness to look at and it says that it's vain actually some translations say a breath the word seems like it can hold two possible meanings or shades possibly of both meanings at once which would be the idea of a breath or a vapor like beauty is their the most beautiful woman look at her body in a hundred years dig it up out of the tomb and look at it it's gonna be grotesque it's fleeting it's here today it's gone tomorrow I mean you have a woman have a few babies and pack the extra pounds and get all the stretch marks and let the wrinkle set in and women don't stay twenty forever so it may possess that fleeting beauty is fleeting it's here today it's gone tomorrow but the word the the original Hebrew word does also carry the idea of vanity empty unsubstantial worthless now think with me here you guys remember the third commandment right what does it say I shall not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain beauty is vain we are not to take the name of the Lord our God in vain now in the Hebrew although it's not exactly the same Hebrew word they are definitely somewhat synonymous with one another and I want you to think about this for a second what is it for an ungodly person to take the name of the Lord in vain what do you mean that be true the name of the little calling you so frisky well no he's actually using the name of the Lord what does it mean to use the name of the Lord or to take the name in vain now it could be I'm not gonna say that you're wrong there when we call ourselves something or call ourselves by his name when we're really not that but there's an idea of common exactly common it's using the Lord's name in a way that is trivial common unsubstantial rather than using it in a way that is full of reverence full of worship we count his name as common we count his name as trivial we count his name as an empty thing listen do you know what God says young men treat beauty the way a godless man treats God's name which means what treat is treated as unsubstantial I'll tell you this beauty does not commend a woman to God and there are a lot of women who are impure and wretched sold who are embodied in a beautiful body with a beautiful face young men we live in a world even in the professing Christian world that tells you to chase beauty and the Bible says treat it as a common thing treat it as unsubstantial treat it as an empty thing because it's empty if you chase beauty if you make that I'll tell you many many young men have lived to regret the decisions they've made you don't realize if you're not married you do not realize what it is to get a bad wife or what it is to get a good wife and if you chase beauty and you end up getting beauty and you get a godless woman inside that beauty even if she's a true Christian but she's contentious she's unsanctified she's proud she's unsubmitted you're gonna live to regret it young men I know some of you aren't hearing me I know you're not hearing me because there's such a natural tendency to be drawn towards what is beautiful but the Bible says treat it as an empty thing treat it is empty I'll tell you this when I was just coming back on this flight from Turkey you know they have the TV screens in the back of all the seats and I was flicking through all these movies and I hit this one and there was a woman seated at a table with a man and what was very interesting is on the way over we didn't have the independent screens there were just some big ones up at the front and I didn't have the headphones on and so I couldn't hear all I could do is watch and you know it's interesting when a whole movie goes through and it you know I was watching it every once in a while but you don't hear what's actually happening and it was just interesting that it occurred to me as I was watching it that the woman that was eating dinner with the man they just didn't quite seem to go together well on the trip back as I was going through all these movies there was there was that movie and there were the two sitted seating at the table well I had the headphones that time and so I listened and the waiter comes up to the table and the woman's very beautiful and the guy's not and the guy comes up and he just very openly and blatantly says to the guy she's out of your league and of course the waiter the comment was made because of the woman's outward beauty but I want to tell you folks something there are some young men and there are some young ladies in our church that are out of the league of many of you and what I mean by that and it goes both ways some of you young men are not worthy of some of the young ladies if you were to enter them into a beauty contest they probably wouldn't come in first place but you're not worthy of them and that is true the other way as well I'll tell you what commends a woman to God is not outward beauty it is a woman who fears the Lord there are some young men in the church that are not worthy of some of the young ladies and you know I mean you can get to the place where you you look at somebody and you say you know that's mrs. right or that's Miss right and she may not be looking at you in the same way you may be mr. wrong as far as she's concerned I'll tell you what the most important thing in preparing for marriage is not putting on the makeup it's not pumping the iron its godliness its conformity to the image of Christ young men you find a young lady that fears the Lord and you will find yourself a good wife I remember one time when I had first met Ruby there was a key man in my life who didn't think my selection of Ruby for a potential wife was a good idea and he had certain reasons but I came back to this she's a woman who fears the Lord and actually my pastor at the time stood up for me and said that's exactly right that's what you want in a wife and that's that's absolutely right you find a woman who fears the Lord and guess what she's not going to slander you when your backs turned why because she fears the Lord she's not going to tear the house down because she fears the Lord she's going to be kind she's going to be merciful because she fears the Lord if you find a woman that esteems you higher than the Lord run from her like the plague you want a woman who fears the Lord more than she fears you and I tell you when that day comes when some of these ladies will shine in the kingdom of their father like the son as Christ says they will shine with such glory and such beauty as this world has not even imagined beauty here is fleeting beauty there's forever and you can see the marks of that beauty here in this life in the inward person not in the outward person and that's exactly what we find in the New Testament that is pressed upon women first Peter let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit men how do you know a woman who fears the Lord a gentle and quiet spirit you know what the proverb says the woman folly is loud you watch a woman if she's loud stay away from her a loud woman is not going to turn out to be a good wife let your adorning be the hidden person first Peter 3/4 of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God's sight is very precious for this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their husbands listen men an excellent wife proverbs 12 for says is the crown of her husband but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones I remember when I was lost one of my close friends he was getting he was getting married and I warned him even lost I warned him Matt don't marry her I tried to tell him and he got he got angry at me when his back was turned she would make passes at other guys we tried to tell him he married her she ran off with one of my other friends was she pretty yeah she was pretty she was Miss Papa the place that I grew up rottenness to the bones she'll bring you shame you seek after beauty alone if you're stupid you seek beauty she's gonna bring rottenness to your bones you're gonna you're gonna despise the day you ever met her you may think you know you can't marry wait to marry her you can't wait to get on the honeymoon you can't wait to enjoy all that goes along with that but I'll tell you what that's not gonna carry you through a year two years five years ten years it'll become such rottenness to your bones I had another friend after I was first saved his wife was contentious his wife was cruel his wife was selfish his wife was proud was she pretty yep she was pretty she'd hold herself back from him cause a misery causing frustration rottenness to his bones men take heed take heed second to receiving Christ there is no greater decision that you will make in your life than the wife you choose and I know that some of you are not going to hear me you're going to come to you're gonna come to realize the truth of what I'm telling you when it's too late look you pray Bible says that a prudent wife is from the Lord prudence that's what you want you want a prudent wife not necessarily a beautiful wife you want a prudent wife not necessarily a charming wife or one of good figure you want one that fears the Lord you want one that is of a gentle and quiet spirit now I say this an excellent wife who can find why do you think God would say that to us I'll tell you why because a good excellent prudent gentle meek spirited god-fearing wife doesn't grow under every bush it's because there aren't a whole lot of them there are more pretty girls than there are godly girls they don't just grow under every bush and you better be discerning and you better be praying I'll tell you this God truly saved you he's not gonna give you a snake or a rock or some hideous thing if you pray to him and look to him to provide you with a good wife you ask him to give you a good wife he will you run out and you just chase after the first beautiful thing you find out there that professes to be Christian I'll tell you I mean this doesn't have anything to do with me by any stretch but I can tell you this that once God saved me he gave me a desire to find a life that fit the first Peter the first Timothy the proverbs 31 and I began to have an idea of the kind of life that I was looking for and I was going to a church we had a big singles group there were lots of women that wanted to be married and there are some pretty faces came in and I'm gonna tell you yeah those were the first ones that I probably went over and sat down next to but I I can tell you this that is it was such it was just it was like a big wet blanket if immediately there was no sense of godliness there and I was looking for that I was looking for it know if I should say this but I actually got to the place where I got so disgusted of all these girls up in Michigan that were in this singles group I got to the place where I was saying Lord I don't care if you bring me an old used up prostitute that's been as long as she's been truly saved and she's godly well I'm thankful God gave me a whole lot better look that's I say a whole lot better that's not to say that a woman like Mary Magdalene wasn't a tremendous fine for a man because it's what a woman is made of spiritually not what her history has been guys you know one of the one of the things that the writer of the proverb says he's saying listen to my instruction listen listen listen take heed do you know what a wise young man is he's a man that can learn by the instruction of others that doesn't have to walk down the path himself to discover the wisdom of the matter that man is wise who can hear wise counsel and say I'm gonna heed that I'm gonna live by that rather than saying I don't buy that I'm gonna learn it for myself you get married to a contentious woman you get married to one of these women that I'm warning you about and you learn your lesson too late it's too late what's gonna happen what's gonna happen if you're truly saved what's gonna happen I mean if you're committed to marriage and you don't allow for divorce you're in for a lifetime of misery better better off you lived in the desert in the corner of a housetop you're gonna have rottenness of bones it's gonna be like a continuous dripping it's just gonna be a plague in your life I'm not making this up this is what God tells you and he tells you this because the temptation here is great especially in our day when Hollywood put such a premium on beauty that movie I was watching not not in her League you see that's how the world thinks the league you're in is basically established by how you look in God's league the league you are in is established by your fear of him by your meekness by your modesty by your quiet spirit by your gentleness by your industriousness by an inner beauty that establishes the league you're in that is God's League and I'll tell you what God's league matters this world's league is passing away and you know what this world is like you may be beautiful today it'll chew you up and spit you out tomorrow once it's used you up when the beauty's not there anymore then nobody cares the real issue is what is your worth young ladies in the sight of a holy God who sees what you are in the inner person and you remember to be gentle to be quiet is in God's sight precious what do I say to the young ladies I say this young ladies I know this has to do with Christianity as a whole but I want you to hear me loud and clear you know these texts they have to do with the fruits of true Christianity we might just as well bring these verses up if we were talking about how you can know a true Christian I'm gonna bring them up on how you can know a good prospect for a husband basically you have texts like this there's the one in Matthew 7 I'm not going to say that one you're familiar with it but I'm gonna shoot to Matthew 12:33 either make the tree good and it's fruit good or make the tree bad and it's fruit bad here's the statement that I really want you to see for the tree is known by its fruit what does that have to do young ladies with you finding a good husband the tree is known by its fruit the layouts gave me a peach tree I planted this peach tree in my front yard last year guess what had blossoms all over it this year the bees were on it now I have peaches when I left the house just now that tree had peaches on it it's a peach tree it has peaches on it guess what when I get home barring some catastrophe of low level intensity it's still gonna have peaches on it why because it's still gonna be a peach tree and the same fruit it had on it it is going to still have on it if I think I'm gonna go home and find apples on it I am going to be too appointed young ladies the fruit you find on a young man when you meet him on his worst days in his worst attitudes when he's in the worst shape sick and tired at ated and aggravated put off full of pride upset towards others not towards you now if you know him long enough you may chalk that up towards you as well you look at the way he acts towards people as a whole you look at the way he acts towards those that are in superior situations you look at the way he talks about his boss you look about his and his discipline you look at whether he's able to get up at time isn't man able to get up in a decent hour every day or is he a lazy sluggard you look at a young man I'll tell you this by your fruits or by their fruits you're gonna know them in other words the fruit they have is what they are and the fruit they have declares what they are and when you come back after the honeymoons over you're gonna get a fuller dose even because the fruit you see now in little form is only gonna grow bigger after you get there if the guy's lazy he's tried to hide it from you to a certain degree because he's putting his best foot forward but what he is is what you get and if you got this idea you're gonna change him you're gonna make him better you're gonna make him taller you're gonna make him somehow spiritually a better runner at this Christian race more christ-like more godly more righteous you're gonna somehow endow his life with greater fruitfulness you are sadly mistaken what you're gonna find is what fruit you see there now in small form has really it's there and bigger what you're seeing is the little part because these performing right now but when the performance is over looks that's not to say that if you find a really good guy he's not going to be really good but there's no question about it we do put our best foot forward when we're getting to know people and the shorter the engagement is the shorter the time you get to know people the less likely you are to see the fullness of all this fruit that's there but there's no question about it if you've known the person for any amount of time you've seen the fruit at least in its basic form to some degree and don't think that suddenly it's gonna get better it's going to get tremendously more encouraging once you marry the guy what you're gonna find is if he was lazy he's gonna become all that much more lazy if he didn't have the ability to hold a job he's not going to have the ability to hold the job once you get to marry him if he doesn't have the ability to provide for his own basic necessities he certainly isn't gonna be able to provide for years if the guy's basically a slug the guy's basically useless and pathetic if the guy basically has no respect for authority no respect for police officers no respect for his employer no respect for his parents he certainly isn't gonna have respect for anything in this life if he doesn't if he doesn't have a basic respect for his mother if he doesn't show some basic respect for ladies he's not gonna have any respect for you once he gets you where he wants you and there's a lot of men that are out in this world the simply conquer men love a challenge there's lots of men that love the challenge there's lots of men that are drawn to beauty and there's lots of men that make women a I mean it's basically a sport they're out to conquer and they're much like amnon david's oldest son who once he got Tamar he despised her there are people who are out there that are seeking to get what they want and once they get what they want they don't have much affection for that thing that they got and so ladies wake up you need to look past beauty and you need to look past charm as well you need to look past all the flares that Hollywood puts on what a true guy is bulging muscles aren't gonna there it's not going to cut it folks that's not to say you ought not to seek a man that's strong a man that's going to be able to lift the heavy deal a man's it's gonna be able to do the work that needs to be done but look you need to look very carefully I tell you before the guys got you where he wants you he's gonna be very charming but look for what really matters look for a man like wise who fears the Lord look for a man that's gonna follow the Lord even when it upsets you look for a man who can lead look for a man who's going to be a good husband a good father look for a man that can hold a job look for a man who as he's holding a job is very valued by his employer look for a man who his employer would find it a big loss if they lost this guy I mean you know what if you're thinking about marrying a guy it would not be out of question to go to where he works and ask his employer is he a good employee would not be out of question go to and ask his parents what kind of son is he would not be out of order to ask his pastor how how's he doing spiritually who is it I was just hearing oh is this guy he was just he was just saying I'll tell you this there are a lot of women a lot of godly women they end up getting some half saved half baked half whatever kind of guy just like this guy was I'm serious a guy can come across looking real good memorizing Scripture got his Bible there all the time look if you don't think you just ask Daniel if you don't think guys won't go a real distance to get what they want you've got another thing coming and I'll guarantee you guys can be the model Christian if they think you ask mark outing mark outing was a thug the guy was the guy was criminal but he saw a woman he wanted started hanging out in the church well glory be to God God saved him he thought he was gonna get a wife he ended up getting more than he bargained for definitely but I listened young ladies a guy can portray himself in ways that will fool you in a second you go ask your parents to look the guy over you go ask your pastors to look the guy over you go to his employer you go to you go to I mean you you go and ask people that have good insights into his life you go ask some people with some wisdom you ask some people that have been around the block and if you despised if you won't do it and you despise that kind of counsel you know what you're making your own bed you're gonna sleep in it young ladies I mean Barbara can tell you I'm sure her life was a living hell with this guy now then again just like with Mark outing God saved him and turned the whole thing around but I'll tell you this you know what Paul says in first or in second first Corinthians rather chapter 7 saved wife you don't know if God's gonna save that unsaved spouse and I tell you what you wake up the morning after on your honeymoon bed and you suddenly find out you didn't get what you bargained for it's too late you made those marriage vows it's a done deal you don't go back and I don't think she would mind me telling but you know there's there's a young lady a sister in our church against all counsel she went and married a young man and he beats her now he beats her he makes her life miserable she's a dear sister member of our church you don't hear complain too much you know why she knows she made her own bed she knows she married this guy against wise counsel she knows she did wrong so she doesn't complain because she knows she's now reaping what she sowed young ladies I don't want you to be there I mean this sister breaks my heart it breaks my heart for her it fills me with rage when I think about this guy beating her but if you will not heed this counsel you may end up in the very same place look you know them by their fruits if you young men you need to shut your eyes to the beauty young ladies you need to open your eyes and see the fruit hanging on the tree that's my counsel to you I don't doubt in the next five to ten years probably many of you in this room these various rooms will end up married take this to heart folks I can tell you that by God's grace I got one of those good wives and you know what it you know what it says right here it says she is far more precious than jewels verses what a beautiful woman without discretion she's like a gold ring in a pig's snout something pretty in an ugly setting well you guys and you ladies please take this counsel it's godly counsel take it to heart that's all I have to say tonight [Music]

Channel: I'll Be Honest

Views: 154,277

Rating: 4.8476191 out of 5

Keywords: tim, conway, wife, vanity, beauty, proverbs, 31, 30, loving, biblical, sister, looks, woman, heart

Id: D9ojJjCstjM

Length: 49min 20sec (2960 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 18 2010