- [Mark] ] All right, so, Shannon. Shannon, tell me about your family. Your parents were related, do you think? - Yes, cousins. - [Mark] Your parents were cousins? - Yeah. - [Mark] And that goes on here in West Virginia, doesn't it? - Unfortunately. - [Mark] And you told me your grandparents were also related? - [Shannon] Mm-hmm, either
my great-grandparents, or my, I think she said my great-grandparents. But I know she said one
side of my grandparents were cousins and, also,
and I was like, ugh. - [Mark] And you grew up where? - Clarksburg, West Virginia,
not too far from here. - [Mark] Clarksburg,
the center of the state? Right? And tell me about your childhood. How was it? - Abusive and dysfunctional. - [Mark] In what ways? - Sexual abuse, physical,
emotional, and mental. - [Mark] From who? - All family members, like my
dad, my brother, my cousin, my mother, my brother, and my uncle. - [Mark] At what age did this start? - It started at five. - [Mark] And went on for how long? - As long as I lived with my dad. The breaking point was
I went to, in my room, and ended up getting my
back broke with a 2 by 4 from my father. That's how I met my first
husband. He was a Sergeant Cop. - [Mark] So, you were married? - Yes. He's deceased though. - [Mark] And how was that marriage? - Abusive, but at that age, I was 19, and I just wanted security. - [Mark] When you say abusive, what kind of stuff happened? - He, my first husband cut this finger off with a turkey cutter like knife, and then broke this to the
point I had to have surgery, and a pin put in it, and then it got, um, infected with gangrene, and
he, then they had to take it. - [Mark] So, you lost two fingers? - Yes. - [Mark] From? - Abuse. - [Mark] And you told me one of them was because he slammed
your finger in a car door? On purpose? - Yeah. It is bad 'cause
he's sat there and, like, when he caught the houses
on fire two months apart, then, like, he acted like the big hero for comin to the hospital, and, like, acting like he was shocked. But he knew he done it all along. - [Mark] Wow. And you were
married a second time? - Yes. He was abusive. But he kicked me in my back
where I had had surgery just right before. And I shoulda left then, but I always felt like I had to have a man to make me important. - [Mark] Do you feel like
the childhood you had kind of lead you on this path
of abusive relationships? - Very much so. - [Mark] And being
attracted to men that.... - Very much so. - [Mark] Are capable of that? - Uh-huh. It was so, the abuse was so bad, that my mama said the other day that her and granny was talking and I could go turn to a woman, or I could marry a black man, 'cause black men sit there
and take care of their women. - [Mark] Do you have children? - I have two grown. When he, when Don caught the
house on fire, they were taken. And, then my dad,
because of being so rich, sit there and paid judges
and DHHR off to get custody. So, they're in Florida now, and I haven't got to see or
hear from them since 2005. - [Mark] Wow. - They said that was part of the reason I had my massive heart attack in 2015. - [Mark] You had a heart attack? - Uh-huh. - [Mark] So, your first
husband burned down the house? - Yeah, the first one, Don,
he burnt the first house. He started in our daughter's
bedroom in the closet, and then, like three days short of it being two months apart, then, it ended up having another one. But the, his, the officers
below him came to me, each privately, three of them, seeing if I'd leave. And I couldn't because I still believe in (indistinct) salvation,
which did happen. - [Mark] Is religion a
big part of your life? - Yes, sir. - [Mark] And which religion do you follow? - Just Christianity, I
believe in the Trinity. I try doing right. I try
being good to people. Doing the right thing.
But I am not perfect. Far from it. - [Mark] Do you have
any relationship today with your parents and your family? - My mama, uh, my grandmother
is fixin to pass away, and, but I call her mom
too, 'cause she raised me when all, pretty much, when
the sexual abuse, like, whenever she could get me, she had me. But, she's fixin to pass, so. But, yeah, she wants me
and mama to be real close when she passes. We've come a long way though. - [Mark] So, you have some kind
of a relationship with her? - Yeah. I told her I forgave her. Only problem is, I have
a real difficult time forgivin myself, 'cause my
dad demanded perfection. - [Mark] How old are you now? - I'll be 44 November 30th of this year. - [Mark] What's the hardest
part of your life today? - Self acceptance. Um, not beatin myself up over, like, I think from my childhood,
I expect to be perfect 'cause that's what dad demanded. And I was always scared I'd
get beat or sexually abused, so I always tried to be good enough. And, I wanted to go back to
college and make people proud. And, it's like I'm not
good enough for myself. Mama says, "You need to love yourself." But when I look at myself,
I can't say that I do. I love parts of me, but
if I dare make a mistake, I don't let myself live it down. - [Mark] And you see the relationship between your childhood and
where you are today? Right? - Yeah. I'm in counselin', or, at least I was before I moved up here. But, so many people was
begging me to come back. And you can run from your problems, but until you get the quote
unquote balls to face them, their always gonna haunt you. And, like, I used to be an addict, thinking that that would be, if I numb myself that it wouldn't exist. And, but, yeah, I tried numbing. I tried killing myself. Like, the earliest attempt, well, there's only been
two actual attempts. And one was when I was
having right after my cousin sat there and had sexually abused me, and my mom had just walked in as I was fixin to push in a knife. I still have a little
indention in my chest from it. - [Mark] And you were
using drugs at one point? - Oh, yeah. Bad, bad, yeah. - [Mark] It helps you forget? - Yeah, it was, uh, like a, pretty much like a numbing agent. And it was so bad that
I was dating a dealer, and was, when I'd ask him why there was so many people in and out, he never would tell me. But, oh yeah, major crack addict. And then, I told God, "If You
don't get me off this shit, I'm gonna die." And instantly, in that
moment, He answered. - [Mark] Have you used since? - Um, not of crack. I've used meth, like, three
times, and heroin three times. I shot up once, well, no twice. They did somethin called K4.
I don't know what it was. - [Mark] But today you don't use? - No. - [Mark] Do you drink? - Occasionally. I try not to
make a habit of it though. - [Mark] It's not a problem? - Right. It doesn't control me anymore. Thank God. - [Mark] So, where do you
hope your life goes from here? You seem to have a good
handle on your issues. - I'd like to help other women, and men, because a lot of people
have the misconception that men don't get abused. And yet, I have a best friend that did. So, I hope to be like a
abuse counselor one day. - [Mark] I think by helping others, you can help yourself, too. - Right. You're only as
sick as your secrets. And I was a big family secret. - [Mark] All right, Shannon. Thank you so much for
talking telling your story. - Thank you. - [Mark] And good luck with everything. - You too. - [Mark] Thank you.
