Candy Gibbs Shares her Story with Jimmy Evans

I want to welcome you to our series elephant in the room and I hope that this has been a blessing to you we're talking about the issue of sex it's called elephant the room because this is a subject that many people uncomfortable with and because of that whether it's a parent or a married couple or just an individual trying to learn about sexuality we become ashamed of it we take it into the darkness and by that meaning rather than talking about it as parents to our children or as married couples together or however we're supposed to be doing it in a right way we become ashamed of it and so we don't talk about it we don't tell our children about it we don't let it be an open subject in our homes in our relationships in a right way so we've learned the wrong information we don't get the help that we need and unfortunately in the day that we live in there's a lot of temptation this this message now is about healing from sexual failure you know we've all made mistakes and I certainly grew up in an environment where I was never taught about sex my mom and dad never taught us a word about sex but I got educated mainly from my neighbors and my friends I had a neighbor friend of mine his father went to prison when he was a teenager and so his mother gave him his Playboy subscription and so every month this teenage boy got the his Playboy and circulated it throughout the neighborhood that is how I was educated on the subject of sex and my friends in locker room and all that kind of stuff and I was a very very immoral young man to the point that a week before Karen and I got married when I was 19 years old she told me she wouldn't marry me because I cheated on her at my bachelor party and that's the time the day after my bachelor party when Karen told me she wouldn't marry me that's when I received Jesus says Lord of my life and so I remember the shame I remember the devastation but here's what I remember more than anything else from the time I was a young teenage boy until the time I was 19 years old I was immoral my friends and I that's all we did we just thought about how to be immoral and we we did it and I made a lot of mistakes including you know being immoral the week before I got married and here a scripture that I want to start out with in this message it's Romans 6:23 it says the wages of sin is death it not will be death but it is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord we're talking about healing from sexual failure the devil tells all of us lies he is he is a great advertiser when it comes to sin unfortunately he never delivers he told me so many times that if I would sin sexually that the result would be pleasure and fulfillment and joy and all of those things but the only thing I ever experienced was an inner emptiness the morning after I cheated on Karen before we got married a party guy got drunk I played poker and I was immoral all the things that I thought would make me happy with my friends but I remember waking up the next morning and feeling empty and lonely and something was just missing in my life until Jesus came in what you're gonna hear us say in this message is this Satan tempts all of us all of us make mistakes but our God is a forgiving God and he can take you in the place in your life maybe you're struggling with pornography maybe you're struggling with lust maybe you're committing adultery maybe you've had an abortion maybe you've hired prostitutes I don't know where you are it might be something that someone could Center minor but it could be something that's devastating I want you to know that God can heal you and God can restore you he's a loving God and nothing that you've done is unforgivable and I'm joined today by two people that that I have a great amount of respect for in this area and I certainly appreciate them being here to share their own story and what God has done in their lives and first of all kandi Gibbs friend for a long time and executive director of care net pregnancy centers Kandi's could have you with us thank you and Jared Pimentel he is a speaker for xxx church.com Jerry good to have you here thank you so much all the way from Sacramento California yes that's right long way well it's great to have you guys here and you both made some big mistakes in this area and again you you share your stories a lot I so respect you for that I know that it's not always easy to and up until how you fail but you sure have let God do a great work in your lives in spite of that and it's part of the reason I want you to be a part of this series because I know there's some people that are gonna be watching this they just feel overwhelmed they feel like that they're in bondage they can get out of they feel like that they've done so much wrong they can't be forgiven but candy what a great work God has done in your life in so many lives you've saved through your care net pregnancy centers but it began through your own failure didn't well thank you I just want to thank you for covering this subject first of all because it is so important right I was raised in a Christian family and I accepted Jesus when I was 5 years old and it was a very real decision I was the kind of kid that would take my Bible with me to elementary school and witnessed to my friends on the playground and I don't ever remember not loving the Lord and really wanting to serve Him but when I grew up you mentioned that your parents never said a word about sex when I grew up our parents would try to have a one time let's just sit down cover it once and be done with it kind of a thing and then hope that everybody knew they shouldn't be I did have that when I was in seventh grade I remember my mom you know giving me a book actually that was the wonderful way babies are made and telling me after I read that if I had any questions I could come out and ask her and that's kind of the way that our generation was brought up well when I was in junior high I started to notice that there was this group of kids and they were the popular kids and life just seemed to be easier and better if you could be one of them and at that point I was very very shy but really really wanted to fit in so I think I began to make a commitment to myself that I would do whatever it took to be that so time continued on and got into high school and I tried out for cheerleader actually that was the first thing and I remember getting cheerleader there were ten girls who tried out one girl didn't make it so that says nothing of my athleticism but it was a time when I began to weigh the things that I had been raised to believe versus the things that I was now experiencing and you know things like this really do happen just a little compromise at a time and that's definitely how it started for me and I started going to things that I would have never gone to before I started hanging around people I would have never hung out with before and there was this young man and he was captain of the football team class president class favorite and you name it and he was it and he decided that he kind of liked me and I remember thinking this is going exactly the way that I had planned my parents though knew this boy and said no way you're not dating him well because I was 17 and so much wiser than they were I decided that I could date him and we'd eventually break up and really no one had to know and no one would get hurt and really I think I fell into a trap that personally now I see many young Christian girls falling into and that is you meet this young man that you feel like has never really understood love or never understood you know God's plan for his life and because you've been raised in the church and understanding all of those things you feel your calling is to now show him you know who God is what love is and that's a very dangerous place for a teenage girl to be placed in but that's where I found myself and not very long after that our relationship became sexual and immediately everything changed for both of us because for him you know just like Sean t talked about a couple weeks ago it changes Shaun T Feldman was talking about when you become sexual the guy doesn't trust the girl and the girl then feels insecure that she's gonna lose him and becomes controlling which is absolutely true absolutely and it is such a deep violation of one another but for him now it was just like every other relationship and he was ready to move on to the next one for me though I had signed every worth the wait card ever in it and I knew that you waited until you were married to have sex well I hadn't done that yeah and so in my mind now I had to stay with him no matter what and that makes for a very dysfunctional relationship even to the point it was physically abusive at times and so things continued on for a short period and at the end of my senior year I found out I was pregnant and I remember sitting with a lady by myself and she said what do you think you're going to do and I said I know we everyone's gonna panic but I know I won't have an abortion because I come from a Christian family my dad was actually the youth minister at our little Baptist Church here and we didn't believe in abortion and so I left there and went to tell my boyfriend that I was pregnant and his response was wow I sure didn't mean for that to happen and I hope this works out okay for you but you do whatever it is that you hope every single girl is listening to what you're saying right now trying to be popular trying to fit in believing all of that you give yourself to him he then doesn't value you as much and when the consequence of pregnancy comes up he's out the back door absolutely and I'll tell you something else if a girl could run out she would too you know it's just such an overwhelming anyone who can escape once out yeah so he was he was out at that point and I went home and told my dad and this is actually now 21 years ago and I can still remember exactly what it felt like to stand in the driveway and tell my dad not only have I been lying and sneaking around but we've been having sex and I'm pregnant and I'll tell you you don't have to be in this crisis to understand crisis but it's like a flood and you feel every kind of emotion and you don't think clearly and if you do not give yourself time to let those emotions settle so that you can make a rational decision that you've prayed about you're probably not going to make a good one and exactly seven days after I found out I was pregnant my dad and I drove to Lubbock to the abortion clinic and I can remember sitting there with countless people standing-room-only people were waiting outside all there for the same reason but I can remember feeling so completely alone my dad would say that sitting there he kept thinking how can you people do this but our situation is different though and so when you begin down this path of sin you have to go deeper and deeper just to justify what you're doing and who would have ever dreamed we would be sitting in that place and we did follow through and I had an abortion that day and we knew it was wrong I remember walking out of that clinic knowing that I was forever changed not being able to feel emotion at all I went through a period of time where the only thing I felt was anger no tears no joy just overwhelming anger and the ironic thing maybe the most ironic moment of my life was about a month after that it was you know when your high school elects mr. and mrs. whoever and I had been nominated for that and I can remember standing on that stage in my pretty dress looking at my family who I had devastated and I promise if I could hear Satan laugh I heard him that day because it cost me a very high price to stand on that stage and hear them announced that I had won and then thinking man what it cost me and over a period of about three years pretty desperate I don't know that I was ever suicidal but certainly didn't care what happened one way or the other and then about two years later I started a Bible study and that's where I reconnect in my relationship with the Lord well thank you for sharing that we're going to talk in just a minute more about how the Lord healed you and all of that Jared you also have a story kind of similar just a different type of story but one of you know taking the bait going along with what you thought was right but the result wasn't what you expected oh yeah you know it's it's hard to to think about how it all happened but I think at six years old on the outskirts of my property there was a Penthouse magazine and if people don't know this is one thing too I think there are a lot of guys out there a lot of people out there that'll put magazines out there near schools and me and my brother happened to come upon that and we open that up and those images are still burned in my psyche right now I have a six-year-old son right now and if we don't let him watch PG movies that's too much let alone what I saw six years old so you mix two that along with a family that also didn't talk we didn't talk about those these things it's a very bad combination and then instead of instead of seeing that I remember even back when I was six years old I don't want I knew it was wrong and I threw it away and then I cut I'd go away and I'd come back to it and I remember tearing it and throwing it and come back and going back again so already the battle was on yeah and and Satan knew you know you said that Satan laughed I wonder if he was snickering back then right at six years old like I got this guy I started stealing porn too this is all before the internet age so that was the magazines and fast-forward a little bit you know towards about 10 11 12 where self-gratification was you know it wasn't really joked about a lot on TV but Richard Pryor joked about it and our friend of mine had a record back in those days and we listened to that and he joked about it and I was off to the races and again you know I did grow up in in a in a house that went to church and we also I went to private school but yet we didn't talk about it and that silence mixed with he's talked about the shame no man too bad it's a bad combination he Satan knows that yeah so he's mixing that up so put shame on it so we won't talk about it exactly which is the complete opposite to bring it out into the light go so fast forward to about 16 where a couple of girlfriends that broke up broken up with me or vice versa and I had got caught by the police stealing and I was in cuffs and my dad comes and gets me I was depressed and I had nothing to reach out to except my old habit and I grew up in a gang town where you know drugs are prevalent gangs are prevalent I never got into any of those but I did have my one drug and I saw a girl walk down the street and I just put two and two together and I was sixteen years old and her name was Barbara and unfortunately it's not like a movie scene like in Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts you know it was this poor gal was street worn and I was 16 and I you get to the point where you don't care you just want to numb the pain no so first it was Barbara and I'd confess and then it was Tammy was confessed and it was CC and I confess and then I don't remember any of the names I thought a mission strip would solve it I thought I thought a going into ministry would solve it you know I knew that it was wrong so it was sort of a binge addiction and I thought marriage would solve it and when I married my wife Nicky 13 years ago I thought this will solve it because you're supposed to have sex with your wife every day right so that just solves the lust problem that's my demon and it doesn't work that way and in fact that honeymoon night I was looking for porn three months later I was already back and I had hired an escort I was ministry at a big church and I had accountability partners throughout at all but I'd only tell them half truths and a half truth is a whole lie and that's another one another other concoction that statement likes to mix around and and everything and you talk about my past - I mean I don't blame it completely solely on some of the abuse that I had as a kid there was some abuse and we could talk about that later how about I had later had to confront them and being a counseling office with them but I knew what was right I knew it was wrong but the cycle continues in its snowballs into this big thing fast forward to about 24 24 Suz me 27 and I got caught that half-truth I told the full truth to somebody snowballed again I'm in ministry and I get a phone call and next thing you know I'm driving on a cliff in California and I'm contemplating do I take my life do I tell my wife or do I run for my life and those are the things how sad it is to even think about what I would have missed from then till now my son my daughter that's gonna be born in November my marriage now and I am happy to say that I didn't take my life I'm here but it's sad to think about that what sin will do you said the wages of sin will lead to death all sin will lead to death and some people think oh you know it's just a little bit of porn just a little bit of this every sin leads to death always all those sins the wages of that is death but your your sin is going to accumulate and it may be the death of your marriage for me it was a death I thought it was the death of my marriage of the death of my my own physical well-being I thought and death of my ministry the the destiny that God had for your life yes yeah so now from then till now it's been nine years and that has been a roller coaster and but that's that was the darkest moment was that moment nine years ago well let's talk about Shane yes because you talked about it Jarrod and certainly you know your abortion you're standing on the play or receiving the award and you're full of shame at that point and I was full of shame I I remember our wedding picture you know at 19 years old it's kind of pitiful when you look 40 years back and you see your picture every time I see that picture I reinstate that I felt I felt ashamed in every way I didn't deserve Karen you know the Lord and everything when the devil's working on you he is his shames how do you break free from that shame Jerry well it's a it was definitely a process theologically we know that there's no condemnation for those of us in Christ Jesus I think the hardest part is to forgiving yourself that's right you know no one's gonna love me if they really knew me let alone me I don't love me theologically we had in there our brains but I tell you what when I became a father and I knew that my son no matter what he did I'm gonna still love him it changed for me because that's that's really when you experience the Father's love that's the kind of Father's love that he has for me right and if I am living in shame then what Jesus did on the cross was and was in vain he died for a reason he died for our shame and we can nail it up on that cross and so I think the enemy I don't know about how you you did I've dealt with it but for me Oh a wave will come and you'll have to rebuke it and say Romans 8:1 and say a verse right right at it yeah and remember the Father's love well the devil would come at me with condemnation over sexual sin all that kind of stuff when I was the unbeliever and one day I was praying and the Lord said every time he can condemns you praise me for the blood of Jesus and and every time I did it would leave because he hates the blood of Jesus yes and it was something in my life that I remembered as I had overwhelming shame and condemnation but it was it was something that I did that was so simple but so profound he hates the name of Jesus he certainly had some blood of Jesus but exactly what he said Jerrod's it God loves us he Jesus died so he could forgive us from all of our sin the devil loves shame because when he traps us in that shame we don't want to talk about it we don't want to tell anybody about it what about you candy and I definitely agree that it's something that you still deal with even years later but we were talking before we started taping about the woman caught in adultery right and to me that is the perfect picture of what shame and going before the Lord with that shame is like because I can remember a moment when I felt like my shame the truth and I'm caught in it is just laid bare for everyone to see and that's the moment that we all fear when you're hiding your secret and you're dealing you know you're you're operating under shame you're afraid that it's going to be brought out into the light but the most amazing thing happens when it is because that was the first moment in a long time that I felt like I could take a deep breath in and you realize that everything that the enemy has told you is a lot that's right exactly right and I think that it's important that you find yourself just like the woman caught in adultery she ended up being just her in Jesus turn and then listening to what he had to say and that's really where it changed for me when I got alone with him well everything you said everything he says his life every temptation is what is a lie in every condemnation is life he works both sides of the sin doors on one side he advertises on the other side he condemns and shames and so we have to come to the point of realizing when he's tempting us sexually it's not gonna have the desired result and see both of you in and out I just woke up depressed the morning after my bachelor party before Karen ever knew because I'm the one who told her she didn't find out I told her cuz I just was at that point but I remembered that that death feeling yes just your mind is dead your emotions are dead you're just you're just dead and with you guys the the promises that were made ended up with just death you know there every way so he's a liar he's only gonna lie but but his biggest lie is God won't forgive us yes and so I know that there are people watching this and listening this right now they feel that overwhelming sense of shame over a prostitute over abortion over pornography over adultery over a sexual failure you got to believe that God loves you and that that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and believe it and confess it yeah yeah and if I could just add to that when we are the skin of Jesus face to face and I need for coffee with you and I tell you bare my soul to you and you give me that encouragement and inspiration and love back you were just Jesus to me that's right and part of part of really shattering the shame is being open with other people people that you trust I mean you don't have to go out and you know 300 Cal sit to everybody not yet I did I want to do that now because I'm free but if you have one two people they just say hey pull aside and really tell them the whole truth and there's professional counselors out there if you don't have that yeah and anyway that's my message to you open up to somebody and accountability the other thing I would say is you know I was a young young man and had all the hormones you know of a young man and I remember being a young Christian somebody says you need to have some accountability so once this guy and I told him you know I'm tempted you know and in this area in this area like that and when I told him he said I said we you know I'm farming he said no and I Mary looked at me and I thought well I don't think you're gonna be my partner because you're religious and so the worst thing you want is that you don't want someone who's in sin who is encouraging you to go into sin right but you and you don't necessarily have to have a person who's done what you're doing but what you do have to have the Bible says that Jesus was tempted in all manner like us without sins so it's a throne of grace right so one more in need we have a place of grace and mercy every Christian man and woman needs a place where you can go of a person that you sit down at the table with and say I'm tending to pornography there's a girl at work that I'm you know there's a guy at work or whatever it is and I've got this temptation they can say listen thank you for sharing I'm gonna with you and there's no there's not that sense that you know you're you're just stranded and you just told someone what's wrong and they're like II mean scripture says confess your sins to one another and pray for others so that you may be healed absolutely and I think that's we know it yeah though it's hard to practice it's really hard because someone's got to put some chips on the table and say I'm all in there in marriage seminars what Karen and I love to do we love to tell our story because when people come into marriage seminars most of them think they're the only ones going through what they're going through and they're all going through it and so when we start talking about anger when we start talking about communication or sex or something like that Mary sooner everybody's kind of exhales it's like I'm not the only person going through this the devil hammers us in private and put shame on it so so we won't talk about it and so we need to be liberated in the sense that bring it into the light in a right setting with the right people but don't let the devil keep you in that shame and candy you guys have a wonderful ministry to women who have are contemplating an abortion or have had an abortion and ministering to them and I just want to say what's your what's your website the hope choice dot-com or candy gives calm and you have wonderful resources there for any woman who's had an abortion or contemplating an abortion yeah you're in the Amaral area the greater Amaral area you have four centers here in the Amaral area but there are centers all over America yes care net okay so let's talk for just a minute about the the harm that you've done to other people Jared you you devastated your wife yeah okay and you you got married thinking it would solve the problems so did I you know I thought I'd get married you know I can have sex finally you know legal sex and and that'll take care of it but it really didn't and so I was dealing with the same issues how did how did you deal with your wife and the devastation it cost her it feels like it's almost how did she deal with me because she was ready to leave when she found out she decided to give me another chance but with all kinds of boundaries and scenarios and things like scripture reading and all these things but how do I deal with the damage honestly was complete forgiveness I mean I we mentioned the the the woman who was caught in adultery well if there was a another one the male control jury that's how I felt so I was on the ground and I mean literally I was crying at her feet and I'll do anything the next day I was in in a recovery program the next day and we can split hairs about the different kinds of accountability groups that are out there it doesn't matter you you know try and get something because that really your actions are gonna speak louder than words I can tell her the sweetest things and remember the the greatest things but a fight if I wasn't going to meetings and if I if she looked at my internet history and it it showed stuff she know and we've had those conversations and I've had to ask for forgiveness again because of my pornography you know today I'm 22 months sober from self gratification in pornography that's a world record for me and that's a tough road but though but that kind of confidence your obedience will will will start repairing the damage it's not gonna be complete well here's what you said that's so important you took full responsibility yes there was no one else's fault yeah when a person says well I did it but you weren't meeting my needs and yeah that's that's bogus and I'll do anything okay when a person's repentant it means I'll do anything yeah and that means I'll get help I'll become accountable if you're bargaining if you're not willing to do everything it just means you're not quite there and it means the damage isn't resolved a person who's been cheated on they can forgive but they need to know that that person takes full responsibility and they'll do anything to make it right and they'll be accountable yeah and if those things are there typically a person you can repair the damage because obviously you've got a great marriage you've got a great family now yeah and this is what the devil was trying to prevent in your life yeah is exactly what you're experiencing right now right so let's talk for just a minute about the receiving forgiveness for yourself now and I want to say one more thing and that is you're now ministering to a lot of people okay so you forgave yourself you receive the forgiveness of God that deals with the shame issue but you forgave me yourself okay and now you're both being used in a significant way to help other people just talk about just for just a minute how that feels I mean just today you're standing out like a Rocky movie you know you were almost knocked out but now you're you know dancing on the top of the steps talk to people about the people that are where you are candy you know in that abortion clinic with you Jared after you got married with it talk about hope talk about God using people that have made mistakes absolutely a very profound moment for me was when you're considering sinful behavior whether whatever it is a man was abortion at that point there are plenty of people that will say absolutely that's your right to choose that but as soon as the choice is made and you come out the other side of that you feel like if anyone knew this about me and that's where the shame comes in and I think that we deal with an issue of shame with the Lord like we've talked about but also a very real part of it is what are people going to say what are people going to think and sometimes people are mean one thing that amazes me is I feel like a lot of people who share their story publicly it's not enough for people and you know that that's a very painful thing for a person in a situation like this but what has been by far the case most of the time is people don't respond the way that you think that they're going to respond I remember the situation with my husband I would I didn't know my husband when I had the abortion but a fear that I had and talked to the word about a lot was how will I ever tell a man that I have done these things I mean do you tell him on the first date so he can get out now if he wants to or do you wait til he's going to propose you know what am I gonna do with that and it was precious that I was actually speaking before a group giving my testimony and my husband was there yeah and that was the first time we had ever met and so it was on the table but I've had to tell my kids you know I've had to apologize to my family the devastation was very far-reaching but what I held on to longest was the forgiveness of myself and that has definitely been a process but I heard Beth Moore say one time I hope I live long enough to make the devil sorry he ever messed with me and you do come to the place where you feel like a lot of things were stolen from me I gave them over because it was my choices it was my sin my responsibility but then comes the time when you realize God can still use me God can still use me in this very area no one can help a person like a person who's been there absolutely and it's not good that we did those things that's not good that I was a jerk in my marriage and almost we almost divorced but God uses it now our scars heal other people when we turn it to God yes sure what about you yeah I like that you said that how's our scars because they could be wounds you can't you can show somebody you're a wound but it'll just continue to fester yeah so once they become scars and you can say no check this out I just gotta say this real quick my son will lay down and I'll tell him stories and he'll say dad tell me a story about when you got hurt and I'll just tell him a story I got this scar that scar and then I asked him I kind of knew it what do you keep why do you want me to tell you stories about this and he says well so that on the I won't sorry I laugh but cry at the same time he says I want you to tell these stories so that I don't do the same things when I'm older six years old Wow and that's why I'm here yeah you know I'm here to be so to broadcast it to the world don't do what I did yes um I love serious Luis that he put it in his words our hell is locked from the inside that shame is from the inside and it's incredible because I can't tell you how many stories that have people fed into my life and I've been able to feed into them about now what about the scars now you can you can hide them but there's so much freedom in telling your story honestly xxx Church has been a godsend for me because part of the recovery makeup of your program your plan is to give and what better way to give them to give your story yeah and the Enya could be in a coffee shop or it could be at a TV show but giving that story is liberating yes and it is powerful and I know guys literally I run a small accountability group he says Jarrod when I saw you on stage I thought I couldn't have that and now I literally have more sobriety time that I've ever had in my life well that's just one guy and all the jabbering that I do yeah that's it well I'm thankful that you've joined us and I'm and I'm proud of both of you I really am in what an example you know you don't think you're an example when you're doing that bad stuff and I didn't either but the example is turning it the Lord the example is not giving up not letting the devil have a victory and now using that very thing to free other people so thank you very much and and we just appreciate it I know that for you watching right now in the services but also on the internet is that you may be in a situation where you've made serious mistakes and and again you're locked in shame and fear wondering if God loves you wondering if God could ever use you wondering you know what's gonna happen if you tell somebody what happened the truth always works doesn't mean there's no consequences but it's better than lies and God is a loving God and he's our forgiving God in our campus pastors our internet pastor is gonna pray for you right now but but I what I want to say is Jesus there's a woman caught in adultery in the very act and they came and put her at Jesus feet and they said what should we do to her because they were supposed to stone her according to Old Testament law and Jesus did not condemn her he showed her mercy but he didn't condone her sin he said go and sin no more God does not condemn us he forgives us but he gives us the grace to be free from our sins and so I want you to know that you're loved of God and I want you to know there's nothing you've done that God will not forgive you up and restore you from and I hope that this message has been a benefit we're gonna pray for you now god bless you you

Channel: Candy Gibbs

Views: 67,094

Rating: 4.7964497 out of 5

Keywords: Candy Gibbs, Jimmy Evans, Trinity Fellowship, Marriage Today, Redemption, Faith

Id: PqfRZBYujuk

Length: 37min 43sec (2263 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 27 2013