An Incorrect Summary of Elden Ring | Part 2

do not play this video in the dark it is very scary ah the lands between so beautiful so tranquil until i showed up welcome back everyone to eldon ring one of the games of all time featuring deep role playing mechanics riveting combat cool math games happy we host and probably a story so convoluted that entire youtube channels exist just to tell you about it i do not know much about the lore but i do know one thing melania is definitely the blade of nicola when we last left off we had endured great pain and suffering in our quest to destroy the cast of percy jackson but do not worry the pain has only just begun and if you somehow haven't seen the first part then uh that's fine i have also seen jojo so with the elden ring shattered and scattered of america's inbred [ __ ] it's time to tear our way through enemies aplenty attempt to find a girlfriend almost impossible and test the true strength of my hardware because this will be our greatest challenge yet and also the easiest challenge for the rest of the game [Music] [Music] last time on blatant copyright infringement fair use edition we struggled to take grandpa off his life support with violence delivered garfield his precious lasagna and finally convinced joseph jose biden to end it all with nuclear fire i'm dead serious wow that was a [ __ ] crazy i better fast travel to the third impact evangelion we're moving at a real break next speed you know just when i was thinking this game can't possibly get bigger it gets significantly bigger i'm not sure if the developers are okay especially since they're trapped in the same room as that man it turns out nuclear weapons are a great way to excavate the earth and there are no long-term consequences which means we've got an entirely new area to explore hiding just beneath our feet and no we're not going to visit the blue man group again i still have the nightmares wait a second this is michigan i need to leave as soon as possible hello traveler ah it's a woman i'm possessed of forearms and that is what tickles my fancy pringles can are thou of no more brain than stone can you speak english can you throw yourself into a wood chipper listen i have never seen a cockazoid run that fast they kept yelling go white boy go okay i shall need thy help to run my errands may i ask why no i'm going through a tunnel right now your signal is breaking up i apologize for that [Music] i may not have known at the time but this was the beginning of an absolute rabbit hole one that would lead me to dangerous and disturbing territory in the future this [ __ ] makes playtown look like a playground welcome everyone to the nether fortress it's three rooms long and filled with naked and hostile women which is my preferred enemy i've always wanted to be a police officer this is just like my favorite japanese anime kill the cats and if that's a little too intense for you don't worry there are dozens of skin walkers waiting around every corner just knowing that makes me feel very comfortable but my favorite enemy in the entire level is in fact myself me i am the boss of the level hey what's up guys maxo here we're out here going after shadow peter pan i'm forced to fight the only [ __ ] that i trust gonna lay a [ __ ] smackdown on dark link this battle is a unique concept to say the least it perfectly copies and uses your entire inventory and yes this does mean you can unequip your weapon and laugh at him for the whole fight he literally cannot damage me in this state not that you would need it because if there's anyone in the world who knows how to keep me down it is myself this boss's weakness is naked anime women but overall it was a great experience taking revenge upon the man who ruined my life unfortunately as a result of that battle i have destroyed a part of myself i have killed my artistic integrity hey guys i built an entire torture chamber for animals in hardcore minecraft and if you want to see how i exterminate the innocent stick around until i kill my son i feel like if you shove this video to a victorian child he would die instantly and speaking of dying we've returned again to jump scare junction that's right i lied to you i give dora the wrong directions this area is an identical copy of the last time complete with the same puzzle the save enemies and the exact same boss but this time he's glowing just like this video now don't get me wrong i love beating canadians to death but why please do not subject me to more canuck and boss torture now as for the rest of the area it's pretty nice you know kind of short introduces the brand new sapient sphere type enemy that's okay though i too have seen steel ball run but what i really want to find is this knife which is a surprise tool that will help us later with this i may now cause many kitchen nightmares let's go talk to someone who actually knows what's happening right now not you though the alternative isn't much better hey hey tarnished yeah hi i see you've come to me with londonbinknife.png so you know what it is then no but if you desire a refund i must redirect you to ronnie the witch in her car and call center only then can you rebate your purchase oh i've met ronnie before she's uh interesting but i must warn you tarnished the temptation of a blue gash is strong beyond belief uh i too have felt the call of her puppet hands upon my tackle just imagine tarnished what those four armpits must smell i'm going to leave now welcome everyone to horrors beyond comprehension a land of the hands as it were the finky dinky making my way here was a treacherous affair i had to dodge the magical artillery using my immense skill this place however is anything but safe i would describe it a bit like the spongebob perfume department you simply need to get through it but you will lose a part of yourself there are hands everywhere in the ground on the ceiling and within my nightmares they are 90 of the enemies and the remaining 10 kind of remind me of myself in a really strange way my name is yoshika gekkira i'm 23 years old and making youtube videos as it turns out the queen of caria going insane in hogwarts had implications for the kingdom and one of those implications uh kind of kind of slaps you know like a hand i too would kill myself if i was written by jk rowling i can't even search for pictures of normal knuckles on google because i keep getting this [ __ ] echidna human knuckles just makes it worse now uh what the [ __ ] was i talking about oh yeah so after dealing with my oni-chan and killing the only normal people for miles the game just gives up and has us fight a ghost instead [Music] i've always wanted to kill a white woman also i'm available at this address this fight is actually an iteration on the previous tree sentinel boss so it's a really good thing that i beat him you could say i have a lot of practice with the moveset this time however we've got a copious amount of magic even greater speed and a horse ghost which implies that there is a horse hell horses don't belong in the battlefield they belong in the mcdonald's menu i can't even turn the bastard into glue anymore this is just like george orwell's animal farm in summary this boss is good but nothing we haven't seen before or we'll see in five minutes the magic earns her a really comfortable spot and b tier right next to herself but that is a story for a part 19 so for now i'm just going to send her to a farm upstate by the way i've played this game for 130 hours and i haven't slaughtered a spell now as a full mental consequence of my vehicular manslaughter we have finally unlocked ronnie's rise and my favorite part of the game ningyo romanzu shibureta honestly i'm a big fan of the writing on this one i just don't really care for the oblige arc where he eats the classroom but to get to that we have to fight the most dangerous and powerful balls of them all the copy paste key if we can teach magic to [ __ ] dragons and dogs i don't even know why we try the most powerful wizards can be found in a zoo you know at least he uh he uh uh he's gone he has chosen peace i guess all that's left to do now is enter up toyota high school so i can finally beat the love of my life how the [ __ ] did you do that do what ohayo gozaimasu she says her long hair swaying in the among us morbius among us so uh why are you here exactly oh god the game actually prompts you i really gotta think about this one tell you what i'm also in the business of killing god i want to restore the good old-fashioned values upon which we used to rely is that a bad thing for you now are you going to join or not oh god she doesn't know i'm a son wonderful your first mission is to kill my brother satan you can find him inside his volcano are you trying to kill me don't come back until one of you is dead well i guess that's it then time to take the elevator so i can talk to my sleep paralysis stephen grieving's tarnish oh god not him it is i brian dog from family guy please leave me alone i'm not really here right now so please god damn it it's an answering machine please record your message [Music] finally it's time to continue playing the game and to get to the aforementioned volcano we must first ascend we have to elevate our consciousness so i can have my date with ronnie senpai fortunately for us there is an elevator thank god the mountain of death is wheelchair accessible you just gotta watch out for the falling rocks i'm beginning to get the impression that i'm not wanted here so we enter the absurdly large elevator custom built and designed for the new american male and place our keys in the ignition like a sedan welcome everypony bazinga to the altus plateau land of the fourth demigod and his magic tree house i originally meant to go to the volcano immediately but this area is the world's biggest set of dangling keys there are two paths we can take to traverse this area the road of proper upright civilization or the forest of immaculate pain you know i did both of them but this one is funnier welcome everyone to the worm people dimension a region totally unique in how it decides to kill me you see the inhabitants have a special status effect called death and the effect of death is that it kills you rather painfully and uh there's quite a few of them my favorite example was definitely worm face who is called that for no reason all of his attacks are basically instant kills i think it could be better to take the stealthy approach here hey guys maxor here and today we're going to be sneaking into big show ryden you have to stop the facebook algorithm it's giving people pronouns so after navigating the impale jail or just teleporting past it because you can do that we continue exploring bikini bottom so i may find the maniac just don't turn around on the bridge because uh he is there so for the next part of our journey we make our way to the windmill village which is uh uh apparently a fun time you know i may be a fan of older women but this is a bit much these [ __ ] really do be reenacting the plot of mid-summer in the local retirement center honestly this area is pretty dope as long as you don't make them angry don't worry women are very easy to calm down so with our domestic situation now under control we walk for three seconds until the boss just kind of approaches you just like dio and his stand welcome back everyone to the official ign walkthrough and today we're gonna be fighting slenderman gotta collect those eight pages his attacks are fast really fast and his combos are longer than my video schedule if you ever think you're safe against this boss think harder this man goes harder than a police officer in the black sea and to make things worse we have a second phase which made me scream audibly finally the spaghetti coat i haven't really fought a boss that required an exorcist before but thankfully the priest was better at the game than me so uh that's not the last time we're gonna see him although i wish it was so with friedrich fastbear once again confined to his pizzeria we approach the fabled gate of healthy eyeballs and after being welcomed very nicely by the residents we catch a glimpse of our next destination the next destination hurts my eyes all you have to know is that i really want to get there because i am a moth and also this anime girl naturally my first instinct was to head to the front door like the pets outside my house but these instincts were not correct also some people say my videos are too fast so here's a dog so instead of whatever that is we need to take the side route to get in i have to sculpt cantankerously towards my devilish deeds but upon reaching the back rooms we find that the way is blocked by the dreaded most powerful enemy of the entire game that's right the copy paste key is back and this time he's tired of my [ __ ] this battle is really difficult not because the moveset is new but because i have exhausted my horse jokes to put this another way he's tougher than my dad and hits harder than his belt not much is different this time around though except for the damage that is very dude this is just like my redmi note 11 pro when i criticize the chinese government overall though this boss is a very cool reskin and a literal gatekeeper for the content ahead which is why i decided to exploit him using my horse just like the mongols absolutely peak game design right here i'm very impressed one second guys i need to answer my phone so with the evil lies of capitalism out of the way it's finally time to head inside this is what we've been building up for for 13 entire minutes and when i got there i was so taken aback by what i saw that i fell off a cliff and died a great start welcome everyone to listerine royal capital a land that pleases the eyes and destroys my ears the sound of the smurf jamboree is [ __ ] inescapable we're gonna hear it for the rest of the level in the form of my tinnitus look at this [ __ ] look how [ __ ] big it is and yes we can visit all of that the entire city do you see that dragon you can climb it these enemies they can climb me when i am six feet under enter the buildings peruse the streets find new enemies and die to them we've got a little bit of everything here in portland oregon this game is dark souls four five and [ __ ] six so i ask again are the developers okay do they sleep so after our encounter with band class we move throughout the city becoming acquainted with its welcoming residents and there are so many different paths that it's actually hard to talk about you can go down the streets and die go through the storm drain and be dragged to the depths of hell where the catholics go or you can go to the bad side of town and die to the exploding worm i hesitate to call this a level because this is a goddamn experience just don't enter this innocuous well because you'll have to fight the poo and piss men seriously this is an entire dungeon in and of itself and it's more convoluted and confusing than a woman i want to get off mr miyazaki's wild ride please let me see my family but that is a story for a probably never because it's guarded by the demigod of incest i will have to deal with him later preferably after he stops dealing with me so once i finish up bringing the garden and becoming one with the graveyard we ascend to the next level of consciousness and begin making our way to the palace above it's pretty beautiful but i would suggest installing railings because i am stupid and also this anime is speaking of which here's the up next boss he just kind of appears there gotta fight casper the unfriendly piss now i could get into this box maybe talk about how he helped my insides experience fresh air but he is uh very foamed in and we're going to get quite familiar with him later and also he has a stand so that's how you know he's gay since this boss is technically a memory we're just gonna forget that he exists maybe should have done that during the fight so all that's left to do now is get into the giant tree so i can finally kill god i've always had a grudge against that guy after all he made the british isles and some crimes cannot be forgiven ah if it isn't my old friend the tarnished who gets no [ __ ] and stacks no paper how are you alive exactly how are you still single once i called the demigods family but that was before i became racist though your tenacity deserves praise it is for not for i have never lost a debate what the [ __ ] is wrong with you cancel culture strikes again [Music] oh god this fight is good like really [ __ ] good i just didn't sign up to play secure today that corked up white boy do be busting a down sexual style and his secret is methamphetamine this [ __ ] is fast very very fast faster than a genji player's trajectory to prison so fast that the hammer doesn't even wait for phase two they call him home depot door dash because he's delivering the tools straight to you also yes i can make his weapon change color at will it's like a speed run for epileptics but what makes this fight difficult is not just the speed of not just the mobility and definitely not just the damage although there is a lot of that but just how many [ __ ] moves this man has and all of them have different attack speeds so have fun with that this time around we've got daggers hammers spears a lot of swords and a little bit of trolling i remember when dark souls bosses were just an obese fan we were so young but this does beg the question why was morgot just hanging out in front of stormville was he getting his groceries did he use a vpn the only assumption i can make is that he just really hates you and yeah i can [ __ ] feel that i also hate me so to come out on top we've got to remain quick race the inside of our [ __ ] and verify our online sources with correct documentation because this is the hardest boss so far and the easiest boss for the rest of the game so whether we're delivering pizza or attempting deicide morgot will bring you the home depot experience whether you're ready or not and the answer is usually not [Music] [Music] that fight was the [ __ ] ball it was a hard-fought battle but now it is time for me to claim my rightful throne [ __ ] i'm going to make god pay for this all we have to do is go through the um oh this probably has an explanation but something tells me i'm not going to like it oh well time to go my actual objective is worse than this much much worse than this yeah that's great look i need help getting into the glow stick tree do you have any shears why don't you say so no reason in particular don't worry about him he's uh doing stretches for the next 5 000 years anyways you need to uh burn the tree excuse me you need to go to giant mountain and burn someone to death i want that [ __ ] to look like a road player you are scaring me the pain is immense and without limit how about i just go kill satan instead you cannot run from me welcome everyone to the mountain of agony both in the lore and in gameplay but mostly gameplay home of the fifth demigod satan literally just satan lucifer the big d if you will who has made his home inside of a literal volcano where he intends to commit blasphemy in peace just one problem we gotta climb that [ __ ] ourselves and the main way up is uh a little bit linear i call it the hapsburg family tree because this [ __ ] is a circle one with a higher population of vapes than twitter.com my favorite part was the horrifying darkness of my appalachian camping trip something is after me but i don't know what it is now don't get me wrong there's still a lot to discover but half of it is igneous rock and what remains is a bit of special just gotta take out this enemy over here when suddenly bird jumps here it feels a bit like every level collaborated to make this one we've got people monkeys [ __ ] robots and you better believe that the hands are back we even get to see the um the handyman himself he's getting really out of hand this time you could say that i have my hands full this is hands down the stupidest joke in the video so after climbing a little bit you know three ladders in a row we gaze over a cliff where upon patches just breaks my [ __ ] skeleton i guess i have to climb all the way back up the top of the mountain is really fun though especially when my computer decides to work it's like disneyland for victorian peasants or just yugoslav war criminals i think satan might be up to something it's just a guess though so after three days of assorted undersea mischief making we finally arrive at the volcano manor but at that size it's more like a volcano gated community little did i know what i was getting into starting with the um red you know like all the flags this is giving me i feel like i'm inside of a gaming pc maybe this woman can give us more info hello tarnish and welcome to the red manor feeling creative today aren't we i am the virtual youtuber of this mansion tannith and this is gunk gog aren't we all anyways can i interest you in joining the forces of satan we offer coupons for what exactly mostly funerals but sometimes tesco well you know what i do want to attack god and the moonlighting here is sick as [ __ ] where do i sign oh you don't sign you kill what we crave innocent blood traveler and i expect a sufficient donation after all you are what you eat and i am a child at heart i think i chose the wrong voice actor well i guess since i serve satan now my outfit needs to get a little edgier and my weapons need to become a little veggier potatoes aren't the only things that these can peel and as a fresh recruit to the army of darkness i now have access to the office break room it is surprisingly nice so long as you avoid the souls of the dam i do not care who the irs sends i am not paying taxes also half my fellow demons have scoliosis so uh let's just collect our first target you know instead of talking to them and if i'm going to kill the innocent i might as well do it with some chill beatings by dr dre to relax and study too time i think we might be the bad guys just kidding i don't think oh [ __ ] wrong door congratulations traveler you have proven yourself my finest sin my sins are unforgivable you get to meet satan now oh what's the occasion can i leave now uh hi there satan did you fall from heaven i don't think he liked that one hey guys maxor here and today we're going to be trapped in um hell [Music] yeah so turns out war crimes and orgies are sins don't ask so now that we're in hell i get to meet all of my favorite heroes such as ronald reagan and also all the landlords that mao killed but to navigate this new landscape of fire and brimstone we must venture into the many circles of hell each one complete with their own trials and punishments but mostly punishments now as for me i was sent to the circle of greed for being a youtuber and my punishment is continuing to make this video it is four in the morning now the first thing you see in this level and i mean the first thing is an anchor direction this tells us that we are in the circle of lust where all the gentian players reside you know i'm a really big fan of us suggest boy i sure do love love being surrounded by women genting impact video very soon just gotta turn this corner and uh why is he just standing there well i'm sure he won't be bothering me uh any time later oh my god it's him the caprese demon now for our next stop and every denny's ever made we're heading into hell's assisted living center which is filled with unbaptized infants and the disabled it was at this moment that i knew i was not being punished but that i was the punishment also jesus christ this is darker than ethiopia after which we find ourselves in the circle of gluttony because the residents are a bit uh a bit sluggish i know very funny stuff it's time for some fun volcano facts with maxor did you know that lava cannot hurt you as long as you are backstepping try to do it in real life actually at this point the lava is more of a suggestion summer enjoyers be like at least there'll be no snow oh boy i sure do love taking a walk in the great state of arizona so after we're finished navigating the um kinky neighborhood we head into the next circle of hell the heresy which is accessed when i pull a bridge out of the room temperature lava this is where god puts all the papists after being dragged into the storm drain their sisyphean punishment is that they have to get laid on gmail delete every other website you have to [ __ ] and suck on gmail now if you'll excuse me i'll be attending mass to steal the line hey guys welcome back to my 600 pound death and on today's episode we're going to be fighting the skinniest reddit mod this is not what i meant when i said i wanted jiggle physics i think this boss may have had a few too many communion wafers how many of those do you have to eat before it's considered one entire jesus this is your body broken for me now unlike the other foreskin brother the absolute girth of this man might make you think we're in for a slower fight but you were wrong that would make the game easier he is even faster than that and that just makes me go from depressed to impressed and just like last time his second face is absolute body or genuinely just the scariest [ __ ] i've ever seen in my life please consult your doctor before engaging in any nicocado maxine i think that uh i think i'm gonna be here for a few more minutes but finally the bloated design body positivity no i have body negativity also holy [ __ ] this music goes hard this is an absolutely inappropriate boss theme for the inside of a walmart i think it's about time that we shave off some of that excess skin come on do it give me your skin if you aren't comfortable in your own flesh you should pull it off so now that i've officially shot biggie biggs we can finally grab the um and continue on a route towards the average californian summer me being sent to hell they forgot to take my bluetooth speaker away that's right we're finally here the heart of the beast home of deceitful serpents and their evil minions you know washington also um more ladders but honestly it's a bit uh easy to get lost in here personally though i don't think there's much here that we haven't already talked about besides the uh the egged one just your standard committee of child skinners so we're just gonna teleport straight to the boss which is the actual way you do it because of the reasons why alright satan i've served you for too long now prepare to feel mine oh wait a second welcome everyone to doom internalizing my abuse and today we're going to be fighting the um we're going to be uh we're going to google how to kill him because as it turns out the reptile exhibit is in need of some heavy ordinance of which i am an expert the serpent hunter is and i quote on some anime [ __ ] a weapon of mass destruction specifically built to kill just snakes you know like a secretary bird it's also uh three feet from the entrance that's like getting chocolate out in the dark pound god may give me his toughest battles but so too do we get his largest gun we just went from storm ruler to storm meter stick this fight is the coolest [ __ ] i've ever seen it is so satisfying to use this weapon and the damage is absolutely biblical my favorite part was when kane beat his brother to death with a rock the only drawback is that you are too strong and dodging him is a little easy because the snake will signal every attack by pogging but if i had to choose a boss to be easy this one is pretty [ __ ] up there and trust me i know about [ __ ] up but just ask the war crime trials i have something to admit guys i didn't really kill anyone in the war i only kill people like you tomorrow but as for this boss his difficulty does not get in the way of the fun of which there is plenty i think the best attack is the one where he slimes me the kids choice awards plus i am always down for animal abuse especially after the animal abuses me so with that out of the way i think it's about time that we graduate this noodle from endangered to extinct oh jesus aren't you dramatic [Music] demigod of mount gel mirror number 15 parader ryker it appears that you were trying to cut off my pet snake so in return i will now cut off yours the last thing you want on your journey to hell is to join the serpent king as family but as it turns out that might be what you get oh my [ __ ] god it's finally him it's satan i'm your biggest fan oh welcome everyone to the second phase of life also known as death and today we're going to be fighting the human centipede along with everyone he's ever consumed that's right to this entire time we were participating in the world's most complicated buffet not to mention i'm carrying the souls of four entire demigods so i just delivered reichardt his [ __ ] pizza but if you want to get eating first you have to get eaten by an immortal snake and to live on him like a tumor that's called making a deal now as for the gameplay it's um a little intense you know kind of spooky kind of makes me cry because this boss on top of his normal moveset can use every snake attack just like metal gear solid but that isn't even the dangerous part that happens when he unleashes the 50 goddamn explosive skulls at the loudest possible volume and then dips my screen into a vat of hot oil i guess hell was just built on a missile system i could not tell you what's happening on the screen right now the best way i can describe this fight is that it gives brain damage just like playing valorent but in a good way unlike playing valorent even still this battle is not about that it is all about the spectacle the weaponry and of course the violence it is a gimmick fight done absolutely correct even if it hurts my eyes a bit but if this fight gets one thing right it is definitely style and while this battle may be long you know like um like a like a cat goddamn doesn't deliver [Music] pulling me down [Music] man you two are a match made in hell [Music] hey so uh i might have killed satan you [ __ ] what yeah so duh where did she go oh she's eating what [Music] i freed myself [Music]

Channel: Max0r

Views: 1,966,821

Keywords:

Id: JlCiYJm9x94

Length: 29min 50sec (1790 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 23 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/WillaSato]

• Max0r collabed with Ironmouse
• Ironmouse is a member of VShojo
• VShojo has had collabs with Hololive before
• Watame is a part of Hololive

Max0r has now finally indirectly collabed with Watame.

[u/unknowncringelord]

Been awhile since I've her mouse say HAIL SATAN

[u/GaddockTeegFunPolice]

Her part starts at 19:27

[u/Vilodenas]

Wait, Max0rs did a part 2 and Mousey is there, awesome.

[u/Visarend]

RussianBadger also has a cameo in this video; what a time to be alive.