'Allo 'Allo Best of Series 1 & 2 | BBC Comedy Greats

no no we must wait until the war is over but the war might go on forever no no no no the British will set us free one day it may take years but they will come hello well yes but it will take more than two before I tell the wife are you expecting us by any chance what does he say I don't know I don't speak English we we British uh come from the sky ah shut down um quickies um [Music] they are the Airmen but they are two days too soon you are two days too soon never understood the word of the language you are two days too soon too soon what's it going on about I think he wants your watch before he lets us in that's been French twit I'm just absolutely stranded are done Kirk you know you have to give him a watch to get us through the window God knows what he'll like before we get food where's he given me his watch ladies the British are grateful because we fought the Germans while they run away at Dunkirk they might be offended thank you he's marketing the damn thing I don't want them here this place is crawling with Germans well what am I going to do with him we must hide them until we can talk to Michelle I think she says what am I going to hide them what are they talking about I don't know perhaps I think you have somewhere to get your watch I don't know about you but I'm damn peckish me hungry have the toothache is taking him to a dentist no dentist that's definite enough no food those who wanted to watch [Applause] [Music] thank you how do you make of that I have to getting sardines there nothing hey how can I make them understand we have to hide them to me what do you make of that I think she wants me to go behind the curtains maybe she's got a sticky catch on her bra I've seen your officer I think I should go first Maria Yvette take these worthless parcels and put them in the cellar oh my God the British Airmen are here already on the house for my old friends Jack and Pierre the onion sellers not very kind miss you but my name is Claude this is Alex this is our first visit here but in that case you can pay for your own wine given time this dinner to make sure it was not too dumb for the reclining Madonna with the big you better brush up on the masteries [Applause] very soon oh good show what are their names do we know them she's gone so don't hang about do they I say that's a jolly good disguise ready to get the dogs did you clobber a couple of Jetties what are these Englishmen doing here audio Fleet from the Gestapo is upstairs what oh very convenient you know I've got a nasty feeling he's not one of us our wings keeping British business then I tell the Gestapo what I have found I will get a needle for this and what about the picture I would say you stole it and concealed it but Colonel the Gestapo will take the picture back to Berlin and then goes your pension I think Renny has a very good point there Cullen in foreign have you found the treasure we have just searched the cellar not a smell of it continue to look I shall not return to Berlin until the picture is found it sit down sit down wine on the house for my old friends Pierre Emil and Jack and Jill laughs oh suddenly in this town many onion Cellars it is a festival here flick every year they gather in the town to examine each other's onions they have the Feast of the onion and they just eat and eat only onions it sounds very strange to me by three o'clock in the morning it sounds unbelievable laughs okay I'll check tomorrow why not I have just saved your life I am eternally grateful Canon and from now on I give the orders and you will listen to every word very carefully and obey every detail anything you say colonel Yvette will be room six and one hour with events said what about the egg Beast no eggless grenade the electric mixer now [Music] oh Colonel what an honor it is to be received in in your wonderful commandeered office I have taken the Liberty on bringing a few simple worthless gifts for you 37 it's a rather good cigars which I was keeping until after the war was over but as you were doing so well I thought you might as well have them now what's up these little cognac Napoleon of course and a small bottle of perfume for your assistant thank you very much but I don't wear it not you this assistant this beautiful young lady this fine example of German Womanhood oh thank you now what can I do for you Colonel we just want you to answer a few questions will there be anything else will there be anything else hunts yes Colonel we shall require a pair of pliers and some rubber holes oh no not the players foreign we have a serious problem yes well I don't think it's as serious as my problem we know you have been hiding British Airmen and helping them to escape well I know you know that Colonel but may I remind you that on your behalf I am also adding a valuable old painting which you will preserve after the war one oh not to mention a Priceless Cuckoo Clock Two one no hands no score because we're gonna hand that painting to the gestapo and then they will leave us in peace because we will hand you over as well oh but Colonel that painting was to be your pension after the war with it you could have bought your own little berto's Garden in the mountains if you hand it over you will have nothing and if you and me over well well the cafe will not be the same without Jolly jovial generous money the life and soul of any party it is very sad Renee there's no other course open to us but we've enjoyed your hospitality yes I had noticed we've always said God did you as a friend well I look upon you in the same way Colonel and the captain and the young lady out there with the people we all think of her as a friend the last thing in the world we want is for you to suffer at the hands of the Gestapo well you are most considerate Colonel so I am going to give you this ring it's a it's a picture of Jesus and in one and a half seconds you shall be like a dead beetle foreign perhaps Renee would like to give his wife one even a Frenchman cannot think of that sort of thing at the time [Music] colonel a little idea is running around in my brain how would it be if we let the Gestapo find a copy of the painting you have a copy of the painting no no but perhaps one could be made by let us say a forger you know a photo well in my business you meet all sorts mind you he would want paying how much where money means so very little in these hard times but perhaps a bottle of Chateau laffy 37 and some cigars and a little cognac jeez you may keep the cheese you could use it to OK years when his wife sings in the cafe oh Colonel believe me it is the only way to get the picture to England to have it copied it if they could stop whoever found out that we have been helping British Airman to escape do not think that they would be cross find out about the stolen painting that will be classed look you will be upstairs with the girls and your uniforms will be quietly stolen after a brief but very enjoyable interval they will be returned to you now what do you say colonel the girls are waiting [Music] will there be time for the flying helmet in the wet celery foreign what about Maria and the egg whisk everything in that Berlin is a very long way away my wife is about the same size as Maria the heightwise it is all fixed but don't forget the boots get out of your talks chaps uniforms will be here any second [Music] what is happening they are taking off their clothes ready for their disguise they must start to remove their trousers in front of my mother foreign [Music] [Laughter] [Music] thank you I have a trinket that is much admired really can I show it to you if you must yes ah yes it has a picture inside oh look oh yes what what lovely long blonde hair yes isn't it unfortunately you had to have it cut off when he joined the army foreign [Music] where is it now laughs I haven't seen try to look more German good night gentlemen come again soon give my love to the fuhrer hi Hitler cheerio you see I have to be nice to the Germans and they are my customers they are winning the war so if I am not nice to them they will shoot me to be nice to the resistance otherwise they will shoot him for being nice to the Germans I have to be nice to my wife because if she finds out I'm having an affair with Yvette she will shoot me if that turns out I'm having an affair with Maria [Music] now autofit the Gestapo officer is having dinner in the back room upstairs are two German officers in their underwear because I have borrowed their uniforms to help two British Airmen to Escape The Pianist over there is in fact a forger for the Marquee and the German officer at that table fences me and it is only Tuesday really the colonel is getting very impatient you promised you would have his uniform back in 15 minutes it is now she's now gone it's Minecraft how can I look at my celery but Maria can't you entertain him how can I my salary isn't even good enough for soup Netflix is going to search the building he will find a painting of the Fallen Madonna by Van Clump in the South no no the painting has gone but so too are the uniforms of the colonel and your captain if they find the Colonel and the captain in their underwear this could make the Gestapo suspicious Erica you must keep everything amused I'm using the Gestapo is a very serious business surely you can think of something I have it give me a large glass of your strongest Brandy of course at once you have 10 minutes we must take the German offices quickly get into the room of my mother yeah go and tell the officers I will explain to the old girl [Music] I shall tell some nothing now listen carefully to what I have to say two German officers are coming to your room peace I will fight them to my dying breasts he will not touch you Mama that is what they said in 1917. get in the wardrobe if I do not have my uniform in 10 minutes you will be shocked but Colonel your revolver is on the belt of the uniform which is around the waist of the British Airman who is not here and you're ready he is watching the restaurant and then he is on his way up here who is not a word that can stop you're coming if they find the Germans in the wardrobe I could be shot I shall not yield to the torture of circus lonely shut up good evening good evening I am sorry to put you to inconvenience but there are certain things I need to know there are two German offices in the world [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] you know Colin it is quite Pleasant to be a french onion seller people smile at us especially that German officer over there okay hello I think I prefer being a peasant to being a German you'll be a dead peasant if everything finds out we've been helping British Airmen to escape London is but how do we know they will fit but they are being made by the very best saddle Road Taylors Solomon and Klein Jewish tailors are you mad they are the best hair colleges that's not the point pants it's the principle of the thing I've known they're employing Jewish tailors things would have been different we could have ordered some extra shirts will soon be ready how much longer do we have to wait should I sing a song they have plastic package no I got more onion sellers a flick will be suspicious he has also disguised as an onion fella laughs [Laughter] I will obtain Wine and Food at once yeah is he another cousin or very distant yeah well built activities a rock of art Catherine love pigeon it looks very appetizing will you join us I shall be most common I like the legs I can vouch for the truth of this where did you get pigeon they were in a basket in the kitchens no yes no don't look Korea on the leg is a cylinder it contains the measurements of the car is a cylinder attached to the leg of this casserole that spices have they should have been removed allow me stop I will investigate inside the cylinder covered in gravy there is a piece of paper it's writing on it where Perhaps it is the recipe foreign already these disguises are producing results now listen very carefully I shall see this only once you are to take this container I see and what does this container contain buns Michelle up until now our relationship has been on a very civilized and friendly basis this type of gene is colored a very pale blue I run a bar I do know that natural glycerin is also called the verapel Blue oh I didn't know that but what is the connection this is natural Glycerine Do not drop it do not let anyone see it add it in your Cellar at 11 o'clock there is going to be a big bang that was not definite it was only amazing what are you talking about what are you talking about I am asking you to add this bottle in your Cellar just to blow up the railway line but the railway line does not run over myself my restaurant runs over my cellar I know that I will be back to collect it quad soon well in that case why don't you just keep it because if the Germans find it they will shoot me well if they find it here won't they shoot me you have a cafe you have a bar why should you not have a bottle of Bull's gin if I could think of a reason I would give you one [Music] the finals [Music] us [Applause] [Music] thank you for your kind of clothes now are there any requests two beers and some more cheese what would you like Lieutenant well I have a fancy for something a little different what do you suggest maybe a small potent lemon definitely a very nice meal where is Missouri I have been trying to catch his eye all night but I think he's awaiting me he has a lot on his mind at the moment but I'm sure he is not trying to avoid you he's too busy trying to avoid his one it is very interesting and uh have you got a drink I was asking for something a little different what is that you have there oh it's it's just a very exotic gin it is new to me what is it balls so far our relationship has been on a civilized in any way no no no no b-o-l-s bars oh I'm so sorry it is most intriguing I will try some oh no no I cannot open the bottle just for one gene you better make it two balls no even for two I cannot open it well uh perhaps she would like one as well yes I would love one you do not drink on duty now perhaps you would like to give your wife one [Music] out of the question I can buy the whole bottle it's not for sale are you trying to get rid of me foreign yes Colonel the name sit down oh thank you okay no this is Melanie I will come straight to the point if you do not get these uniforms by tonight you will be shot you don't beat about the bush too why don't you try it sometime it's better for the nerves especially my nerves well do we get them or not Colonel they are coming from London London Helga the less you know the better put some cheese in your ears I'm afraid there was a slight delay Colonel the tailor had to go to a bar mitzvah a Jewish tailor whatever that means to someone who will make contact they will try to get them delivered to us tonight your life depends on it so do our little toes [Laughter] [Applause] come on it's dinner time this time I am singing again I need something to steady my nerves you know singing to a crowded room takes a special kind of Courage it's lucky you are so brave what you doing with that bottle yeah I'm just going to Wet My Whistle you fool this could blow your whistle through the top of your head saying it is to blow up a train I am saying it is nitroglycerin I have given some to my mother and the chickens oh no this is disaster those are the only chickens we are that drink oh it makes your mama very frisky she got out of bed went to pick up her slippers and blew the door off the Wardrobe what's the matter stop throwing this corn so hard to feel gone where anxiety chickens what where are the chickens well they always go to Lazy eggs behind the edge that was only five where's the other the Coco chased it into the hen house song bang [Laughter] perfect you are looking at a walking Legend look at it how you feel this is a very serious situation Colonel surely you know somebody who could order our release there is only one person who could order our reliefs who me [Laughter] Renee if they shoot us at least I will die by your side if you died in front of me I'd have a better chance you do love me don't you of course I love you even what do you think it will be like in heaven I don't suppose they let us do this first only the French would have boys and girls in the same cell how did you get up there I am standing on a peasant if you come to get us out no but I have your uniforms back from the cleaners where are they in the office ready for you when you get out look how do we get out here is a hacksaw for the boss even without bars I can't get through this little window I could yes but you can't sign the orders you're not senior enough I could forward your signature I've done it before now it's all coming out General thank you is arriving by car he's most displeased somebody's blown up the railway it was him no somebody's coming around there's even no doubt all going to be shot you will no doubt wish to see a priest come this way [Music] it is I declare would I never would have guessed what do you want I believe you could use and your wife are coming to see you this is good news I hope so I have for you huh sealed on my purse yeah we already have an act so you silly old fool in that case my son up yours [Music] let me out hey bless you and you continue [Music] your kindness you have more visitors thank you why are you putting me in here with these smelly presents be goodbye to your son-in-law to buy the toss get out oh really not now eating we have a plan good what is it we are up to here with axles I am down to there with actually I've had everything is going according to plan very nearly you can't waste time I have to leave which is cold well I have you bro [Music] the angels are going to take my husband away it's a last time me towards the bay leaves foreign you are so brave your mother-in-law has not shed one single deal so I believe it's about my wife she said she is going to sing the mercies you wish you blind for it earplugs would be better laughs may I Shake Your Hand of course you'll find it around the back [Laughter] can we get on with this please oh I nearly forgot so they have something to aim at two Germans such sticklers for accuracy laughs why now no I will give you the signal is that it I am composing myself now and one two three four Five Guys [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] why have we stopped it is over good let that be a lesson to you the relatives May remove the body yeah do you think he's all right he is on the house if not we found another Cafe laughs that [ __ ] breath really it is it's still alive he's trying to speak are you in pain keep quiet this might be his last breath words listen carefully we shall say this only once my bum is unethism Edith um when Monsieur Alphonsus finished his cognac show him the body in the office buddy that's right where's your elephants I am sure you will forgive me if I do not come with you it is very difficult for me you understand the girls of course miss you [Music] foreign Spirit of my husband foreign are we ready I hope so about it they're done [Laughter] I don't know [Laughter] [Music] where does he have flower on his face he was arresting a roly-poly pudding we will never see his roly-poly again [Laughter] before I go I will need the signature of the brother-in-law do not know but I am sure he will join us in the bar as soon as he can [Music] foreign how did he look um thank you thank you thank you oh thank you oh I have left my tape measure um you're not in front of my friends here I thought you said the old village of Nubian was turning out to mourn my passing new real rangers are playing away are you going to faint no I cannot see these systems will be very close with us because we are betting the anti-tech mines that is their funeral this is mine do you think we should good step no hands that would be very poor taste let's add enough we have with us the man was shot stop being orders I was most upset as I uttered the verb fire I picked a complete brought her this will do they cannot see us here you will bend over and touch your toes to view in mind I wish to study my binoculars [Music] foreign if it wasn't for you when you're shooting we wouldn't be here in the first place can you all come back tomorrow until tomorrow foreign ERS are heading in this direction foreign should we move to another position no we are quite safe here [Music] yeah so that was very amusing so I'm using pocket which we're trying to give up smoking I am going to burn through the ropes of tireless then you can untie me oh good I saw this in a film with Conrad White voice down and stand by I am ready what is the delay I'm pulling up my Vic to get a big flame [Laughter] even Conrad right didn't think of that [Laughter] here we go [Applause] you are lighting the hands of my wrist don't be hands I felt a hope go that was a strap in my wrist watch someone coming try not to smolder see where am I we move the blindfold what are you doing here I was just putting out the cat and I was Poundstone by the resistance perhaps they think I am somebody else you are the brother of the man who was shot you are to have the honor of shooting these men who have wrapped the Hall of fans so that is a slight exaggeration here is a gun now it's your chance to avenge your brother oh well I I think you should understand that my brother and I were not that close in fact we did not get on no no he used to bully me you know he used to twist the ear of my teddy bear and pinch my conquers [Music] no I know it does not sound like much now but when you are little you remember such things I have placed in the chamber two bullets do your duty may I have just one last request we are supposed to have the last request [Music] hyena I would like to say that my moment of Revenge alone we understand quick follow me that was a narrow squeak anyway you must get us out of here we cannot go on helping you if we are shocked it is all your fault for saying I was my own twin brother if you had said I was a distant cousin or something I would not be in this mess what about the mess we're in what am I going to do cut these hopes and we can leg it out the window wait a moment how do I explain that you have escaped would you like it as well [Applause] you have not shoot them yet no no uh well I thought I would just torture them a bit you know what one does just in case they can reveal any of Hitler's plans or or secret weapons or or where he is going on his holidays my unit has just intercepted a parachute drop we are very puzzled to know what this means there are two German uniforms and two identical paintings how strange modern strange the names of these two offices are on the uniforms and their AF that is because we are British officers in disguise isn't that Sir Charles [ __ ] you think it is a very long ways in circles so who knows but I feel this is the correct Road good sense of direction it's only if you had a compass we could check our bearings look out to the Greek there are many clouds and two stars your full hands not up there it's an inn outside newview I've never mentioned it before I don't tell you everything listen there's a car coming I will hold it [Music] a hell freak you would be pleased to see the captain and I have escaped that is quite evident we have found the glass the missing painting of the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies hands give the people to have flick the Fiora will be delighted good I will take it Advanced to a place of safety [Music] all right all right I'm a little patience with you you're waking up the old house thank you for the sake of Heaven now then where is the key just a minute what is happening we were both the house by the banging and whatever I was aroused when I saw the guns with the candle to send to the viewer and we have the original painting for you to hide it behind the bricks in your Center and then we can all sleep soundly in our beds oh one spot give it to me quickly in case you have been followed the trouble you have given us all well take a good look my friends you will not see them again until after the war is over which is original that didn't label in the corner no it is in English I don't understand I speak a little English I will try to translate for you dear resistance please note this is the forgery [Music] the wrong one your cross aren't you but what do we do now we must get the painting back before her feet can send it to the viewer I knew he's going to do that you are and if you don't I will have me shot get everyone to bed life is back to normal Helga God thanks for hair flick and let him bring the information out of you yes I see a typical cheese salesman entering my Cafe shut up thank you cheese seller I am prepared to purchase all your wares I'm very fortunate before have I had such a good day for selling the cheeses that means you can go home without delay it is I declare well I never the radio is already connected and the speed battery is in the duchy dam with the nobzone that cheese seller seems strangely familiar ah yes yes well it is a very small village and we do a lot of interbreeding thank you you have a luxury for me oh yes yes a little packet of your favorite cigars yes so much trouble it is most touching thank you [Applause] hi I do not know this tune do not know it all that well myself cheers [Music] it's enjoying his new bicycle I am glad to heal this who is Pierre oh is he is just a young lad in the village did you give him the bicycle no no why are you telling me here's some trying it well there is so little to enjoy these days I I was just making conversation and Sean our going for a switch are they friends with Pierre I expect so it's a very small place and there is only one River oh dear who who is responsible I expected his Pierre he has the bicycle you sound like carefully I will meet you [Applause] [Applause] see you later then foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] Lieutenant Gruber he's very handsome not you too that should be not happier when he'll get a hair thicker here otherwise Renny could find himself in quite a lot of trouble never mind Hans we have a alibi we are here buddy I approach onion soup oh no no no no are you wait what are you doing it is on a secret mission and say may never return I am obeying my daughter's lost request huh what is this keep an eye on City I could keep the eyes too you will also have your own Institute foreign [Music] officers of the Victorious German Army in accordance with our ancient bazarian tradition I give you for your entertainment foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] could easily be fooled do not let the fact that I am a senior member of the gestapo and did not receive an invitation to your Gathering stop you from having a jolly time it'll be your permission to carry on her Fleek of course Albert music [Music] who is having the things help yourself it's all free this is good morning honey good morning lieutenant this is the man that shot me defenses me like mad Perhaps it is the apron your cheeks are a very good fresh color today please look in your eye it has suddenly disappeared probably what a good idea open this door eat it open the door are you found it I have found it there is no need to make such a song and dance about it give it to me just after all I am the executor it is not addressed to you no but it would go without saying that runny would want his brother as an executor it has gone without saying get around everyone well I read to you the last will and testament of my dear departed husband who was shot by the Germans he leaves everything to me hi Renee being of some mind I would dispute that first time which I stand possess to my dear and faithful wife who has comforted me and filled with joy during the Happy Days of my marriage I wrote that on the honeymoon intuitive beautiful phrase look there is something written on the back PS2 event I can hardly read it it is as if his end was shaking who has served so devotedly under me he collapsible so far in the Parlor that's so far is not collapsible it is unless you put the book under it ideas to Maria I leave this small billiard table which has given us both so many moments of pleasure I never saw you playing in there always Renee would make me shut the door and put the chair into the knob what were you doing that you did not want to be interrupted why ask me I am dead remember anyway he has done the right thing by me everything is now mine to Heaven Too Old Till Death Do Me part if I was a good man there was something soft and sensitive about him although like you he could be a little distant at times we are a cautious family we will drink to his memory we do not pour too much that is my best cognac is bethanyak and now it is my best cognac two is memory oh it is over it is done what are you up to now I'm going to buy myself a new act why do you want a new hat you must remember I am a rich Widow in the prime of my life this evening my new ad who is that he will ask it is they will reply oh young and slender she looks and misplay my respects to her he will say maybe tomorrow morning he will be at my door bearing a beautiful bouquet of sweet smelling roses provided his guide dog can find the house is the cost clear we are 50 miles from the coast this thing very important has just come up how long have you been out there [Laughter] the two airmen have left the nunnery good now perhaps Yvette and I can continue to discuss the menu for tonight they left because the Germans came to search for them they are on the run that is your problem not mine I don't care if I never see their stupid faces ever again [Applause] it is the Airmen I would never have known well look do not let them come in here you speak the language tell them to go away now listen chaps red has been awfully decent putting you up here but you'll have outstand your welcome wait wait we can't walk around as nuns all day the daddies keep trying to chat us out didn't they suspect the mustache you think mine's big you should see the Mother Superiors we're not going back to the nunnery Fairfax mucked up his needlework and we had to spend hours scrubbing the steps no no why is he showing you his knees it was a scrubber that's another no wonder they threw him out when you tell them to go away oh listen to me already you get bruised for British Airmen this is a surf house not for me it isn't let us come to the crunch the crunch the nitty-gritty are you a collaborator or are you with the resistance is that thing loaded I am desperate I have one up the spout make you desperate well look I am on your side Michelle at the same time I have a business to run now I cannot go around being rude to the Germans not in front of their faces anyway I will put out my tongue at them from time to time when their backs are turned or put a little extra salt in their soup but we must be reasonable it is the colonel and the captain the colonel is backing under the tree no I think they are coming in here my God he must not see them get them out of there no they can't go that way there was a driver with a gun oh quick through here hello Captain are poaching well keep them busy while I think of a good reason why I've got two nuns in my back room the organ fund with my reputation go go keep them busy greetings color now uh is any of a freshman that you would like that is not on a high shell we have business with Renee is he in the back room you know good maybe this should be private we were waiting there where'd you find him good quick get them down and take these events take this stand aside [Music] am I interrupting something Rene is having a special service for his late departed brother he's not dead the church don't know that they were going to have a big one in the cathedral but this worked out cheaper this lips are muttering in silent prayer very moving in that case take your hat off who is Frank Harris [Music] give a trip [Music] I had no idea they played LeapFrog in heaven quick not now Maria [Music] what does she want well now do I know come on come follow me Michelle where are you hiding I am here now listen very carefully I shall say this only once I have good news I have come here to collect the British Airmen I expect you will be very glad to get rid of them you can say that again I don't suppose she will yeah because their instructions will be sent to you by secret messenger disguised as a simple Farm worker why do I need further instructions I thought this was the end of it all you forget your position your Rumble Cafe is the headquarters of the organization to assist to skipping Airmen to add explosives to past messages and to organize sabotage it is all Happening Here tell people who want to marry you the sort of trouble you can get them into it is like getting into bed with a time bomb oh they cannot wait to light the fuse [Music] oh does nobody hear that shut up your silly old bat do you want to wake up the old neighborhood get them down I am weak I am fever I want to see my daughter married before so good Lord sends an angel to take me away oh my God already all right [Applause] I must be more important than I thought but why is that one carrying a candle because where you are going it will be very dark [Music] I am seeing flashing knobs hello [Applause] hello this is night talk receiving you loud and not very clear they are not reliable the flashing Bedknobs are not reliable get the code book what does that mean in so we have been trying to get you for three days my wife's mother does not understand flashing knobs and what it means it means my wife's mother is a silly old bat knobs now pass your message over carried away in a chariot even in heaven say no about my bad legs this means the plan is coming tonight to pick up the British Airmen I say chats there's a plane coming for you tonight oh wacko gotta move on it's total Pippin back to dear old blighting signal what signals of the owl he did I am a cafe owner I do not do impersonations I will do it too sort of an hour was that Apparently one that is unappreciated by the bird up there the critic perhaps [Applause] don't move I have four baskets with me it's these are to get good help these days Walk This Way and the mount what are these for these are your covers oh the cover is to be mushroom Pickers if you are stopped you are on your way to the fields to pick mushrooms for the restaurant ah this is a good cover the best ones pop up at night and the guns they're loaded but they're not cooked [Music] why do we need guns mushrooms do not fight back the Germans found you helping British Airmen to escape you will have to shoot your way out whereas Yemen they are safely hidden follow me or yet oh we are going to get wet [ __ ] follow me inside [Music] [Applause] who's doing here it is I am disguised as a simple milky mate the same when you were a simple farm and you deserves we are very short of stuff I shall take you to them this is Katia this is Claudette here is Sofia rigid is light Lieutenant Fairfax do we need air he's waiting to be milky yes I'm in charge of the canteen [Laughter] yeah it just seems a bit small I think that is what happened to my washing up gloves what are we all doing here the plan is doing to land the other side of the woods across the road the rod is controlled by the Germans should we encounter them they will not suspect six mushroom because underneath of cows are you trying to tell me that the Germans were not suspect that cow but when he is mixed amongst the others as you look clear it is time you and the farmer must lead out the cows immediately oh man [Music] [Applause] [Applause] it is a very big man I think it is a transport plane [Music] land in this little field is not Landing look [Music] s released they are going to drop the other side of the wood quick they must have landed somewhere near here what are you doing I'm going no further until someone tells me what's going on I see something it is a couple I say is anyone down there oh my God not another stupid English man I say are you from HQ we rather thought the plane would land change of plan we're trying out a new Escape package we'd better get you down I suppose I seem to be a bit stuck he finally held me up in his strong arms I could reach up and pull him down he could only mean his strong arms oh but I might drop you precious that's me no up you get one of the bar mates has pulled the policeman's trousers down let's all go isn't it thank you that was all rather exciting why have they sent us another Englishman they sent me over because I speak French I think Heaven's For That they have sent him because he speaks French hello everybody [Laughter] I have brung rootings from British intelligence headquarters what does he say I think he brings greetings from intelligence headquarters I have disguised as policemen so I am Uber to move a boot with complete freedom you think you will get away with that accent as long as he does not speak yet we will tell everyone that he comes from a remote Village in the country on the outskirts of Pekin picked up this package this is the escape bookage you must heed it in your sealer what was that this guy package you must add it in the cellar how does he know I have a seller in London we are not stupid we know every move you mook do we have a key or a tin opener after all who wouldn't lick an armored car where it is what for if the resistance take a pot shot at you it will bounce off bounce off I am not sticking my head out of there I'll drive stop your voice down sorry just that little knob in front give it a bit more choke okay did I eat something the Colonel's car even threw his number [Music] never mind he will blame the resistance and shoot a couple of peasants I'm saying how easy it is to slip into the ways of being a Nazi [Applause] a motorcycle was following us don't worry this Lane leads to the railway line is he still following just a minute maybe we'll have a look can you see the motorcycle at the moment I can see the railway line stop here I can hear the train coming pass me a [ __ ] where are they they must be in here somewhere to drive the glove compartment have you found anything just some ladies underwear shaving lotion good hurry up it is getting nearer I think it is loaded now I have to aim for the Third Dragon from the end yes good luck put your fingers in your ears that may be a big bang I can see it one two three that's the one [Music] missed another shell okay can you get a little bit nearer no I cannot one two you have blown up the signal box I think the barrel is bent there goes the train there goes Hitler sausage we should catch it up further down the line no the way I drive I would never catch it and the way you shoot you would never eat it I think we go home what is that in the road it is a farm Dragon it is very badly parked get out the movie ready fire [Applause] second thoughts I will beat a bit [Applause] [Applause] I wish to surrender foreign [Applause] [Music] flag of surrender look it is 1A you Twitter so you have joined the Germans this gentleman kindly helped me to borrow the tank so so we could blow up the Train the one you refuse to blow up because you were blowing up an ammunition Lorry that is why we are here well you're wasting your time as soon as we heard you were going to blow it up we canceled it told you he did [Laughter] collaborator Michelle it is all part of a very complicated plan to do with Hitler and the sausage and a lot of paintings which would take too long to explain I don't understand half of it myself or staff car is approaching what our mission is blown we must Scupper quick [Music] ants what are you doing with human's little tank I too would like to know the answer to that question well Colonel you see it's quite clear to see what has happened there flick Rene overheard a plot by the resistance to blow up an ammunition lorry assisted by the captain he borrowed the armored car and with great bravery found the roadblock and fought off the resistance who even now can be seen running across the fields I was just about to sail there feels better my armored car is covered with little dents and there is mud all over the wheels entirely convinced by this story I have found poof hair flick see this device is commonly used by the resistance when they're going to blow something up not nonsense this is an ordinary tire pump which has been discarded by a passing motorist this would not even blow up a tire [Applause] [Laughter] d you have exploded the Gestapo car [Music] well that's nothing to worry about Christopher could always get another car from Berlin I shall not be informing Berlin of this incident I do not wish to look right Nana Cuba you will drive us home what's going on now Fairfax girls in this counties are climbing onto men's bicycles come on what's really going on oh it is much longer am I to be ignored oh oh Jesus where have you been I have not seen you for days can that be silly mama I gave you your lunch I have good news Michelle finds the Undertaker is calling oh Undertaker happy birthday I think he is in love with me oh she's so romantic I think he's coming to propose to me do you remember we met him in the Square he has a mustache oh yes so I remember him well he had a little stiff one oh he has such manners and today this arrived and on it it was this little card with a love message swiftly and we style yes I opinion of himself the other side I always think engagement rings are such romantic pretty things and still before my life is done I would daily like to give you one [Laughter] could you read the first part again quick shutter door where is my wife she is upstairs dressed up like the dinner of a dog she's going to parade herself yet again in the Town Square should be happy if she marries you will be free and without a solitary Sue we will have money we will borrow explosives from the resistance blurs are safe Nixa money and add in a little Garrett in Paris make love dare not until the war is over I've already thought of it makes me go weak at the knees oh not her again [Laughter] now listen very carefully I shall say this only once the Escape package brought by this British agent was damaged in the lending you must help us to mend it mainly I don't even know what it is is a balloon made of silk filled without air it will lift the basket with the Airman and with a favorable wind take them back across the channel brilliant what do you want a needle and cotton some of the fabric is torn away and missing we need silk to repress it silk where am I supposed to find Silk the Urgent crab tree has a plan which you will explain you must go and get your hands on girls knockers perhaps my French could be butter I will give up my knickers for France a patriot when I hear words like that it brings a lump to my throat knickers do you require at least 40 or even 50. I will try for 50. yeah we are hoping to start about seven but it is best you get there early we are expecting a crowd and there will be coffee and sandwiches afterwards whatever happened till then we are hoping for an home win and see you then so many friends I admire you you are like a walk I know this to be a quality you appreciate in a man why we relax there was a competition he put one of his balls through a blank out at 20 passes Quite a feat this is how he started in the undertaking business Yvette normally I would be worried by such news but I have a secret arrangement with the kernel at the time of the duel he will be on exercises with tanks and troops and machine guns and teams and he has promised to take care of the Undertaker it I suppose I might be pushing my luck and talking of pushing my luck who's that English idiot who thinks he can speak a language not good to die to you you see he has heard about the dueling are we alone I wish to tick to you take he means talk ah yeah we are a loon so take away English Airmen are no linger in the cow oh good well where are they then I will kill them you will never get away with that you cannot pass those two idiots off as French policemen I've give them quick curse in the French long watch it's nose to spike your tongue pleased to meet you sir oh wait German's quick in the back room uh officer if you wish to search my premises uh I have nothing to hide start in the back room take care of the crowds how could I show you listen carefully the balloon is ready it will be taken and Eden in the old ruined Barn five kilometers to the north of town when the wind is favorable a message will be sent you Renee will guide the Airmen to the barn where they will take off an ad form oh I I do not wish to be a wet blanket but I do have a duel in the morning you know what if I am killed oh then Monsieur clear will guard them let's go now to the Iron Monger he is preparing the blue lamps which will provide zioter for the balloon quick we will have scoop through the winder will see you what did he want he had not seen these two disguised as policemen no he was looking for the colonel he has gone round to the headquarters did he want to check on his sausage table and ordered two large portions of that pot to take away that means a nice quiet dinner with Elgar in the dungeon this evening be brave girls dear girls before proceeding to either of you wish to apologize well and may have been a bit certainly not behave like a pig you will die like a pig very well miss you any this was unloaded choose you choose monsieur you will start pick to pick I found the command March you will walk 10 pieces upon the command what you mean hold upon the command will turn and Fire is this clear crystal clear right we must proceed first my personal farewells Vinnie the French way let me see iPhones speaking with you I hardly know you hey well Edith [Laughter] farewell idiot it is I am talking to you I am about to get shot here and you take no notice but hey I'm just catching up on the gossip bye bye Benny foreign let us take up our positions back to back [Music] excuse me one moment hearing me the bad news is lifting up couldn't help and Captain gearing have been arrested by the gestapu the maneuver has been canceled after gestapo allowed to do this I shall investigate quite right after the duel well what do you not think you should do it right away I mean I mean we can do this any old time right to back cook [Applause] one two three four five six seven eight nine ten [Laughter] another cognac please event any news or grenade not a world the place is not the same without him it's all clear [Laughter] foreign they look very familiar particularly that one I'm trying very hard not to be familiar this year I have it you are a relation of Renee Works behind the bar very distant you have very hairy legs they run in the family it is you please Lieutenant do not give me away don't worry your secret is safe with me no no you do not understand yes I do foreign Tuesday he would dress up as a pancake girl [Music] suppose you think I am a coward on the contrary I think it takes great courage to come out in the open and dress that way oh my God Germans and they are coming to this table don't worry I will cover [Music] what oh wait no I I don't I'm not very good don't worry I will lead laughs [Music] are they watching us don't worry just be normal I'm doing my best we will do a few more bars then I will put you in my little tank and take you back to my place until it dies down lieutenant do you feather of course [Music] just leave me here with my friends will you you're not really dressed for a tank I think I better go and warm it up for you yeah if you need a push start just let me know I'll I'll get the rest of the girls I did not know who it was I was challenging to a duel you the leader of the Escape Route oh let me kiss the Hem of your dress punch you embarrass me oh tell me what to do I will follow you anywhere in a minute I am going to have to go to the little girl's room oh madam I could not come between you and this is perhaps the bravest man in France and swath I will admire you from afar good day to you all Viva La France Viva the goal oh you know the goal the one with the big Hooter gold thank Evans he has a gun did he done very well for you but what about to tell my friends cannot be seen out with a coward I have the explanation you will tell them that during the jewel a bumblebee flew down his trousers at a critical moment causing him to run into the river bucket nearest river is three miles away it was a very big bee I cannot say what an honor release for me to assist you foreign I am quite a character am I not someone is knocking on the coffin whoa [Applause] oh wow you are supposed to be dead this is not a corridors you must be kind to her it was your idea she should be the Cubs she is the nearest thing we have [Laughter] roll all gone [Laughter] not much further chaps Katie Jerry's on the horizon it looks like a roadblock somebody is disobeying the curfew do you not all processions are allowed here colony I wonder why Renee is riding in the front ivander by the two corpses in the second house they're sitting up and chatting to each other is finally getting rid of the British Airmen so that life can return to normal like he promised thanks tell the sergeant to let them pass it is a funeral we are borrowing some biddies [Laughter] deputies and kittens [Laughter] foreign General I see opens the coffin he's my brother's wife's mother she died of the plague what plague is this like that kills brother's wife's mothers opens the coffin he spreads across Europe we've all had it yeah yeah quickly let's see oh God [Applause]

Channel: BBC Comedy Greats

Views: 884,194

Keywords: bbc, bbc comedy greats, bbc comedy, comedy greats, british comedy, stand up, sitcom, comedian, comic, sketch show, allo allo, rene artois, rené artois, gorden kaye, gordon kaye, allo allo compilation, best of allo allo, live, livestream, officer crabtree, crabtree, 🔴 LIVE: 'Allo 'Allo Best of Series 1 & 2 LIVESTREAM! | BBC Comedy Greats, 🔴 LIVE: 'Allo 'Allo Best of Series 1 & 2 LIVESTREAM!, 'allo 'allo, allo allo!, 'allo 'allo!, allo allo best moments

Id: 1YQwJGouKE4

Length: 111min 16sec (6676 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 24 2022