AITA For Telling My Sister Her Being A Stay At Home Mum Is A Joke [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for calling 911 tldr i'm a nanny and called 911 when i couldn't find one of the kids their mom didn't like that i nanny a 10 year old and an 8 year old i'll refer to them as 8 and 10 8 seemingly vanished into thin air he was in the bathroom i was talking to 10 and then we couldn't find him 10 and i looked all over inside the house the backyard yelled for him in the front yard i sent 10 around the block on his bike they are allowed to go around the block but eight isn't supposed to go alone 10 even knocked on their friend's door number eight by this time about 20 minutes have passed since i last saw eight i'm flipping out eight knows the rules didn't bring his phone with him and has never taken off before so i told 10 to call them on while i called 911 about three minutes later eight comes strolling up the block so i get off with 911 and talk to mom she says why did you call nine double one and not me me because that's what you do when a kid has disappeared mom you should always call me first i'll always have a plan plus they don't start looking for missing kids for 48 hours i don't know where she got the 48 hours thing for kids that's adults okay so mom has a plan great she never told me not to call nine double one she never said anything about calling her first in any sort of emergency so she basically kind of chewed me out for calling 911 am i the [ __ ] now for the top comments nta you did the right thing btw the 48 hours thing is a myth completely and totally for both kids and adults it's especially a myth for kids hasn't she heard of amber alerts what does the mom think those are obviously they only do the amber alerts after 48 hours what kind of education do they give you on ata slashes no dummy they are only used for kids named amber who go missing pft noob i'm a 911 dispatcher and you handled the situation appropriately you took a reasonable amount of time to search the area for possible locations and then you called for help informing mom is important yes but finding the kid is first priority and 911 has better resources to help immediately than mom does nta also the 48-hour thing used to be true but it isn't any longer it's not even true for adults much less a child though for adults it can require a bit more explanation to get the mentor dismissing than it does for a child mom is acting like she's going to get billed or arrested since the kid wasn't kidnapped etc really over the top what next if a kid is choking call her first etc i used to work in a rather large store that did code adam and we were told by the local police that after 10 minutes even if we weren't done searching to call 9 double 1 while we kept looking they said if the child was under 5 to call right away they'd rather get a never mind we found him that have a kidnapped child get off the premises etc cause kids are stupid i had a code adam once where the kid had left our store where one parent was to walk across the parking lot to the toy store where the other parent was but didn't tell the parent just left when i was three i walked out of the church playground which was right along a large highway and started walking down the service road because i thought there was a bigger park nearby it's sheer dumb luck so many people survived to adulthood i once aged four or five decided to just take a stroll all the way around the lake on a beach day didn't tell any of the adults there just started walking along the shore to go all the way around no idea what was going through my tiny underdeveloped noggin at the time but i sure terrified my dad nta mom you should always call me first i'll always have a plan what the [ __ ] is she talking about she has a plan like wait for the ransom call thank you seriously if it were my kids i'd be actually thanking you for taking appropriate action if it was me and my kids i would be apologizing profusely to up and all first responders about my wayward kid putting them all through that lol am i the antagonist for not wanting to get married twice me 24 female and my fiancee 25 male are planning on getting married in the town we currently live in over in the usa this is where my fiance is from originally and i moved here from the uk about a year ago we don't plan on leaving so this is home for us now we came to the plan of having our official ceremony in the us because many of his family mainly his parents do not have passports so would not be able to attend a wedding in the uk whereas my family all have passports and would be more likely to be able to attend we understand that flights are expensive and not everyone would be able to make it so planned on doing a party in the uk for my family members that could not make it but would like to celebrate with us we are also live streaming the ceremony for those who couldn't make it my mother does not think that this is good enough and wants us to do a whole second ceremony too which neither of us want or can afford she is currently not speaking to me because i said no to the second ceremony even though i told her why we didn't want it it would feel forced and less sincere and our financial worries about it i understand that it's important to celebrate with my family too which is why they are all invited to the original ceremony we are live streaming it and we are throwing apart a reception back in england for everyone before we go on our honeymoon in europe am i the antagonist for not wanting to have a second ceremony now for the top comments nta a nice reception is enough i'm not a fan of fake second ceremonies it's just play acting that's exactly our thoughts we would be so uncomfortable and the second ceremony would completely exclude his family from the picture it would mean a lot more to me to see a liver stream of the real thing than to watch a reenactment of it a few months later when my oldest daughter got married without telling her i'll have streamed it to my youngest because the youngest daughter was in germany and we were in the states told the oldest right before she walked into the chapel it was probably the best gift i could give her you don't have to be present to enjoy it nta pay hundreds if not thousands of dollars you can't afford for a party you don't want because i want you to is a ridiculous demand weddings make people irrational i swear stand your ground and let her pout it would definitely be thousands which is funny because she is apparently unwilling to spend significantly less money to go to the actual wedding nta it's entirely up to you you and your fiance what you do however we did what was proposed instead of one big wedding we did to smaller more intimate weddings 40 and one 60 at the other that way we only bought food and drink four people we cared about and wanted to spend time with would do the same again that sounds really nice that's definitely something to consider you're not the a-hole but it's possible your mum feels left out of wedding planning as you're in the u.s presumably doing it or without her or via a video screen and as you plan on remaining in the us for the foreseeable future means that should you have kids your parents are a notion away that's not your issue but it's probably where this is coming from speak with her about how you can address the conflict without having to have two completely separate weddings ensuring that you prioritize both your uk family and your fiance's u.s family as your post reads as if they are the priority and all your family get is a vcn party back home unless they fork out to fly and stay in the u.s for the actual wedding totally agree with this i think your mum feels left out of it all as she is on the other side of the world i don't know if you are doing this already but make sure she feels part of both events and like the uk one isn't just an afterthought she probably feels like she is losing you good luck and congratulations nta and what's with all the people down voting are not the a-holes or griping about the us family not getting passports either way one family is going to lose out it sucks but it's what it is there's no real way of not backward favoring one family over the other unless you chose a third country and screwed everyone over equally and your reasons for choosing the us sound fairly solid i'm also a brit who married an american in the u.s my family found it easier to attend even though my husband's family had passports because my family also had more vacation time they were all able to get two weeks off together with no issue after 13 years of living here i've only had one job offer more than one week paid vacation live streaming the ceremony and having a party sounds like a great and realistic compromise and something i'd enjoy far more as a guest anyway does anyone other than your mother object i can't imagine being this bothered about a relative's wedding unless i was super close to them do it on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the atlantic that way everyone travels the same distance and can fly in that's the only fair option slashes info since you already planned to have a party in the uk for the family members that could not make it how much more would adding a ceremony actually cost maybe your mother would pay to provide a minister you wouldn't need a registrar since you're already actually married you could use local family as attendants instead of flying anyone else over you've already got the dress am i the antagonist for telling my sister her being a stay-at-home mum is a joke and she is just selfish i want to make it clear i'm not slagging off being a sahm just my sister's version of it i know how much hard work it is and i'm not putting anyone down for it but my sister really does just sit around doing nothing all day while somebody else does all the work and then whines about how hard it is being rsahm and i've had enough of it my sister c 26 f and i 24 f have always been polar opposites so we do clash on quite a few things but generally we are close she has two kids rose six f and ty seven male and i have a son oz two and they're really close c has always been her sahm ever since she left school and never had a job whereas i've always been career driven my jobs hours can be long and irregular but i love it though if ever same tired or i've had a hard day she has to one-up me and say how she's even more tired or has had an even harder day because she res ahm so works 24 7. the thing is all the things rsahn does she doesn't both kids are at school and her husband dan is the one that gets them ready helps with homework cooks all the meals they have a cleaner and c doesn't drive so my mom picks kids up from school and looks after them till dan gets home from work most weekend stan will bring the kids over to me i live a 10 minutes walk away so see can have a break so i don't have much sympathy for her but most of the time i just let it go but last week was half term i was able to get most the week off but on friday there was an emergency at work so i needed to go in immediately my husband was away and my nanny and babysitter were busy so i asked mum if she could look after oz as i had to go into work urgently but she couldn't as she was looking after rose i asked where she was and mum told me she was at home but was feeling tried so needed a rest i said that she could bring rose over but she couldn't as rose had friends over for a played it but i took oz and rushed over to seas house to beg mum to take him while i'm talking to mum c came down i explained the situation that she said that as rose has friends over it would be inappropriate for us to be there so i asked why mum couldn't take us back home for a few hours and see watch the girls c seemed offended by the suggestion that she should look after her own child herself and i had about had enough and knew this was just wasting time when i had to get to work so said well thanks for nothing and left and took us to work with me it worked out fine but i was pissed with c so today i went over to seas i wanted to put the situation behind us and move on but she brought it up she said she was waiting for an apology from me when i laughed she told me i just don't get how hard being her sahmys i told her she doesn't even know what a hard job is and that the fact she calls herself for sahm is a joke and that she is just lazy and selfish i left and she told me that im not welcome back now for the top comments nta she the worst wtf also why on earth would it be inappropriate to have friends over and a cousin guess every one of my nieces birthdays was super inappropriate because she had friends over and her cousins wtf that's so annoying being a sahm is so much work but only if you actually work she said that he would interfere with their game and the girls were there to play with rose not a two-year-old they didn't know but to be honest i really didn't know what she was on about either i think it was just an excuse to not have oscar just for clarification your mom has time to babysit you sister's kids but absolutely cannot do so for you in the middle of an emergency really we are not focusing enough on how unfair and enabling your mom is being it isn't the first time my mum chose to babysit for my sister instead of me when i asked first so i stopped asking her but i was desperate this time so i went for my last resort yeah i'm getting golden child vibes here just because your mom is enabling her behavior doesn't mean you have to you need to stop watching her kids on the weekend immediately especially considering you couldn't even leave your kid there when you were in a bind nta stopped watching her kids on the weekends they couldn't even help you for one afternoon my son really enjoys spending time with his cousins though so i wouldn't want to take it away from him then tell grandma she can be the one to watch them together if they want to see each other since it seems your mom is your sister's full-time nanny i wouldn't be willing to lift a finger now that is a good idea grandma can watch all the kids together op doesn't need to be another person that takes care of sister's children instead of sister nta as a sahm myself i do know how hard it is but i have also worked a full-time job neither is easier than the other and it sounds like the real problem is she's selfish and lazy not with a workload also what's up with your mom see was home you had to go to work super great to tell you to shove it so she can rest upstairs when it's not a normal circumstance for you to need someone to babysit and mom regularly watches sees kid right her mom could have been lied well you actually need me so i will help you and let your sister who is at home watch her own child sister is clearly the golden child here or the missing stare or both am i the antagonist for refusing to disinvite my former stepmom to my wedding nine my dad and mom had a pretty dysfunctional marriage it ended when my dad announced that he had fallen in love with another woman and filled for divorce the divorce was ugly but in the end they agreed to split custody the woman my dad cheated on was a 19 year old to put into perspective my sister and i were 12 and 13 when this happened yeah we were children back then and blamed her for it after a little nudging from our mother we were awful to her but she was a friend to us she gave us space she took care of us and she helped us with things when we did ask her for something she was the one who handled all the school communication and meeting when i was bullied she was the one my sister trusted to pick her up from a bad party she had snuck out to she was the one who helped with applying for college and fought with my dad to get the information i need to get scholarship she caught on to the fact that she could much better than our father and divorced him when i left for college she still stayed in touch with us and we have formed a good bond i think of her as an elder sister and a fellow victim of my father's behavior i'm getting married and want to invite her my mother is against it i have a difficult relationship with my mother and i'm trying to mend it i understand why she doesn't want to see her she is the home wrecker and ruined their relationship she thinks that i'm behaving like dad and not taking into account the hurt i'm causing i feel like i'm an [ __ ] her as i think her feelings are valid i understand why she feels the way she does i'm forcing her to mar in happy day by inviting my stepmom or i could force her to skip it it does sound like the thing my dad used to do now for the top comments nta she is clearly important to you and family isn't always about biology when i was 15 my mom had a boyfriend for a year that i was very close to i see him as a father i'm now 32 he was at my medical school graduation and he'll be at my wedding later this year as long as cover doesn't delay it now let's be clear the only homeworker is your father you're valid for wanting except when they're given your relationship your mother is also valid in not wanting to be around her even though your father is the homeworker your mother should move past it since it's your day but you may have to make a choice if she refuses to come if stepmom comes and a predator yikes yeah i wouldn't really call a teenager that was preyed on possibly when she was a minor and escaped her abusive relationship a home wrecker nta she was 19. presumably your father was at least a decade older than her and more than likely more i agree with you she was likely a victim of your father as you were but this will likely make things difficult for your mother so you have to make a decision it reads like stepmom was the only adult that actually had your back growing up and was a great presence in your life despite how she came into it so from this little snippet i'd say keep her invited and just tell your mom to avoid her but that's a decision you have to make agree op says she's trying to mend her relationship with her mum but what is her mom doing why wasn't she the one dealing with school when op was being bullied well that's probably why their relationship needs mending tbh info why was she the one who communicated with the school when you were bullied your father is obviously terrible but why not your mom mom was probably working a lot like many single moms do to make enough money to survive after a divorce so stepmom was probably the only one with enough time to actually do any parenting i agree that the stepmom likely had more free time than the mom but that doesn't mean the mom wasn't doing a lot of parenting no doubt about it but i'd put that it more because op said that sm was the one who handled the bullying at school as a single mom i know how difficult it is to try and be a present parent at the school i guess i would need more explanation on why that was on sm i think of her as an elder sister and a fellow victim of my father's behavior info have you discussed with your mother about how you view your stepmother that to you she was more like a sibling slash friend than a bonus mother or your mother's replacement as a wife that it isn't you picking one wife over another wife also i'm thinking that if it wasn't her a 19 year old teenager then it would have been an early 20-something because it sounds like your father had a wondering eye whose tastes were for inappropriately aged mates or extreme differences in age by the way is your father also invited to your wedding and if he is is your mother demanding that he too not come or is she somewhat okay for him to come but just not her

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 928

Rating: 4.8139534 out of 5

Keywords: r/amitheantagonist, r/, amitheantagonist, reddit, cringe, who is in the wrong, reddit cringe, r/aita, aita, reddit stories, advice, stories, reddit hunt, am i the antagonist, reddit am i the antagonist, AITA, r/AITA, r/AmITheAsshole, amitheasshole, am i the asshole, reddit am i the asshole, reddit amitheasshole

Id: 9rvWXAwUVR8

Length: 21min 17sec (1277 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 11 2021