AITA For Asking My Dad To Change Shifts Or Change Rooms? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for asking my grandson to get rid of his cockroach collection before moving in my daughter is a single mom my grandson is 11 and my granddaughter is eight fear being evicted from their current residence due to the property changing hands my wife and i offered them a place to stay while they look for a new house the only issue is that they keep reptiles well the reptiles aren't the problem exactly i have no issue with lizards and snakes and the like but they breed their own feeder roaches thousands of live bugs in containers they use for breeding and food i understand it's cheaper to breed the roaches yourself but i do not want the risk of an infestation if they escape i used to see buds all over the reptile room in their old place i told my daughter to get rid of the bugs she knows plenty of other keepers who would take them breeding them isn't hard either once she gets a new home it will be easy to start again and buying food for the lizards for a month won't hurt she is incredibly mad about me asking her to get rid of the bugs they are apparently my grandson's project and has very proud of them i support him having a hobby and being responsible but i don't think an 11 year old boy is capable enough to not accidentally cause an escape my daughter works not from home so it will be my wife and is responsible to wrangle any escapees eight hours out of the day am i wrong for asking this my daughter is so upset by our request and thinks it's unreasonable since the bugs are clean and well kept and i'll be disappointing my grandson she asked that i at least buy the reptile food since i'll be forcing her to get rid of the roaches i reminded her it's my roof my rules and the animals are her responsibility she won't be paying us rent so she has extra income for the month to buy the food she wants me to tell my grandson myself that we're forcing them to get rid of the bugs but this is just a transparent guilt trip i don't think i'm strong arming her into this or that my request for no cockroaches in my home is the crazy one hello everyone i'm editing the post to say a few things one they are do beer roaches and now i don't know how she got them i wasn't even aware they were illegal in florida until i made this post i'm hardly an expert on reptiles or bugs so forgive me if i get some things wrong do they have to leave their current housing situation because a new owner is changing the property i don't know if evicted is the right word in this circumstance but they were strongly suggested to leave and didn't get proper notice no this isn't legal but we can't do much about it [Music] nta first off you are incredibly generous for allowing your daughter to come live with you rent free with her small children and a friggin reptile zoo personally i feel like even that much would drive me to resentment but if the line for you is only the roaches well so much the better that's an easy solve and it's not like these are animals your grandson was attached to he literally was planning to put them to death if they are so inflexible that they can't grant you this one compromise well they are welcome to find another snake and lizard friendly rent-free place to live i'm sure that will be a very easy ask and they needed to be free it's for a church honey next it's just the name of the company we don't require intoxication next nta i keep reptiles too and yeah there will always be some escaped bugs around to be fair unless your home is dirty as in food crumbles all over there won't be an infestation however i understand some people don't like having certain bugs in their house at all my mother hates reptiles and bugs so she doesn't want me to bring them over when i visit i think they should remember they are moving in someone else house and they can start again when they get back i know it's a kid project and all but i also think it's a good time to learn other people boundaries as well someone's already been there written the twitter thread gotten the wash pio article out of it this also happened to me though in our case it was because the crickets came in an inflated bag sensible the bag was well sealed and the crickets we were told would survive in there for up to a couple days before they'd suffer from lack of their or anything so we foolishly thought we could leave the bag on the kitchen counter after coming back from our errands before trying to finagle dumping them into the cricket tank then we went out to dinner comfortable with our exciting post-dinner plans of a good old cricket wrangle what was not part of our plans our big fluffy 24-pound terror of amana [ __ ] somehow we had not considered that a giant loud bag of his favorite playthings would draw his attention i don't know what we were thinking anyway we came back to find a couple crickets on the porch okay could be a coincidence open the door crickets everywhere on the mantel on the walls in the plants and scattered dead in a massive circle around one fat happy cat winningly splayed out with his plump belly in the air the most innocent face on that cat in that moment tl doctor don't delay on your cricket containment procedures i think that can be taken from both my story and that twitter thread amazing cats are such dicks no the humans were generous for bringing such a fun gift to their overlord nta this is not an unreasonable request at all but up i want to be very real with you here if you have seen roaches outside cages in their apartment before then they are bringing roaches with them even if they offload all of the caged ones this is really a guarantee unfortunately before they move in i highly encourage you to talk to a pest control expert about what you need to do before during and after their stay to prevent an infestation at your place note however that i'm not saying you should yield on your demand about the caged roaches just because they will definitely bring some there's a big difference between dormant eggs they can't do anything about and an active infestation bomb just waiting to go off also i'm shocked your daughter's landlord ever allowed this there wasn't an infestation at her old home the reptile room where they were kept had some in the corners and closet never a lot by any means and rarely in other parts of the house it wasn't a dump and i didn't mean it to come off like that she's a tidy person but i was pointing out if some roaches escape there they will at my home too as far as i'm aware fela roaches are typically dubia roaches in that case it would be pretty hard to breed them outside an enclosure unless you live in a tropical location they can and will escape and live in the house they just won't cause an infestation on their own am i the antagonist for saying my boyfriend should pay more for our future apartment than me so my boyfriend m25 and i f25 have been together for six months when talking about new year's resolutions he mentioned that he'd like us to move in together at some point this year i thought this was very sweet so in the past few days we've discussed the logistics of what that transition would entail because of the pandemic i lost my job service industry and had to move back home with my mom while he software developer has kept his job slash income just works from home now as we live in the suburb of a larger city in the u.s with major dining restrictions i don't see myself being able to go back to my normal work until the covered crisis is over come on vaccines so i figured maybe i'd just move into his one british rail apartment with him he however says he'd rather have a two british rail to give us more space for if we want time apart while living together i see no problem with this i figured maybe we could turn the extra room into an entertainment room or some other kind of chill room so one person can be in the living room or bedroom and the other can be in the spare room 200b the problem came when i brought this up to him and he said that he would want the spare room to be his office man cave i said okay no problem but if the extra room is specifically going to be backslash backslash your backslash backslash space i don't think we should go 50 50 on rent the more i thought about it he makes a lot more money than i did when i was employed think 40 kvs 70k so i said going 50 50 on rent doesn't make sense anyway he said that it was ridiculous and that in an equal partnership we should contribute equally he also said that because we'd be looking for a place with a bigger kitchen than his current tiny kitchen and i enjoy cooking that's equivalent to his man cave i disagreed because the only time i cook is to make both of us food so just making me a little more comfortable without running into things isn't the same as having a whole room just to myself i haven't thought of what i'd consider to be a fair percentage of who should pay how much of rent but am i the antagonist for insisting he should pay more nta the kitchen is a functional space not a personal area for you to relax even if cooking helps you to do that he'll be using that space for the function it was designed for as well the kitchen is your place yeah because i make you cook the food i get one and a half rooms you get half a bedroom and now the kitchen cleaning will be entirely your problem because whenever you ask for help i will say it's your problem apostrophe oh god right i didn't want to say it but i definitely got a whiffer back quote the woman's place is in the kitchen nta this is exactly the type of conversation you need to start having before you actually buy a place together so props for you for doing so now rather than later if your boyfriend is going to use the back quote equal partnership angle then he certainly cannot expect you to be paying equal rent for less personal space for yourself a kitchen is not equivalent to an office nor a man cave both of these things are dedicated rooms to extracurricular needs a kitchen is a room for everybody in the house the only way you could call it your roomies if he literally is not allowed in the main kitchen and he has to eat from his own kitchenette in his man cave and if it's with the expectation of you not having to cook for him somehow i don't think he would go for that because doesn't it sound just petty and limiting well that's what he's trying to do to you this is especially true if you plan on going back to work at any point because then he can't use the excuse that the back quote man cave is being used to produce and provide for the both of you anymore since it sounds like he plans on working from there i think that if he is paying substantially more for the rent then maybe he would have earned having some extra space but if he is expecting your end to be equal to his then you have a right to equal representation within the space how would he feel if you decided to take over the office and when he said he wanted his own space you told him but you have the kitchen nope i'll be honest i personally don't go for guys who use terms like back quote man cave anyway if it's their work room or studio or just office then yeah because everyone regardless of gender would have one of those but when a guy says man cave it's usually with the connotation of just the grown man version of an ogi rls allowed clubhouse which i personally think says a lot about a guy and how immature he is you raise valid points to at and what happens if roles are reversed in future say in a few years op makes more money will her boyfriend vacate the man cave oh crystal ball allow me to sing the answer the crystal ball says no he won't well your point doesn't actually make any sense him getting his own room doesn't actually have anything to do with his income because he's not offering to pay more he just thinks he deserves it for no reason by the sounds of it [Music] nta his version of equal partnership is equal obligation but unequal access slash privilege this often works in real life when the physical boundaries are not so clear or the one person only space is not so prominent e g comma he gets his own desk in a room you both share but in your case it's an entire room also his argument regarding the kitchen makes no sense actually it makes sense in a [ __ ] up chauvinist way because if op moves in with this guy there's a high probability that he also expects her to become his housekeeper and do all the cooking and cleaning now a cool egalitarian boyfriend would say you make less money than i do and you do more work around the house therefore you should pay less rent but if he constructs a reality where cooking and cleaning a fun chores she loves to do then he can pretend that their contributions to the household are equivalent or that he actually contributes more because he'll pay for extras that she can't afford and justify tricking her into subsidizing his man cave why tf would a guy who just moved in with his girlfriend and doesn't have kids even need a man cave what exactly is he escaping from what exactly is he escaping from literally just her in his visualization her moving and requires him to have an escape from her boo also if he secludes himself in his man cave he doesn't have to feel that twinge of guilt when he sees her doing chores win-win slashes am i the antagonist for asking my dad to change shifts or change rooms i 20 male live with my parents 52 49 by their request i would much prefer living somewhere else but they would have trouble making rent if i didn't help them with it so i'm still living here since the plague hit my dad has been wfh doing his three thirty twelve zero zero shift because of a lack of space in our house he moved into the basement which is where i live and is what i'm supposedly paying rent for this means that if i don't want to get waken up by phone calls i need to be asleep by seven thirty two actually get eight hours of sleep difficult for me since i'm in classes slash work from eight five every day i was okay with this at first under the assumption that the pandemic would probably be slowed down by august september-ish given i live in the states this did not pan out we've just found out that my dad is going to be wfh permanently since it's reducing costs for his company im asking if he can either find a way to change to something reasonable like a six zero zero two thirty shift or if he and my mom can change rooms with me so i don't have to worry about being forced up at three thirty m every day he doesn't want to budge on either and is saying i'm being winnie he also thinks that if i move out i'm still responsible for my portion of the rent both at my new place and at home to put it bluntly this isn't happening am i the [ __ ] if i give him an ultimatum and say that he needs to compromise on something or i'm leaving and potentially leaving my parents unable to meet rent nta hang on your dad is working in the space that you own renting is like a monthly purchase of space it doesn't matter whether it is from strangers or family you live in that space and it is yours if your father is working there permanently then get a decrease to your rent or move as to paying rent at your house if you get an apartment i think he just wants your money tbh well i guess i don't technically rent the whole basement anymore we change the agreement all verbal nothing on paper so they cut 100 in exchange for me losing the basement outside of my room they're also making me handle my brother and my own groceries now though so essentially nothing really changed big red flag here have a paper agreement if you are renting so that you have the rights and responsibilities of a renter also i would say that you should move out and get an apartment or find some roommates covered permitting your parents are not at the age where you need to take care of them so don't feel bad about them having to downsize to a house that fits one less person and costs less upside of renting with nothing on paper you can break lease on your own terms with nothing old moving forwards uh no verbal leases are enforceable in many states if you live somewhere and make a regular payment for that space that plus the person you're renting from is often enough to create an impression that there is a verbal rental agreement the court can hold you to it within limits they are generally assumed to be month two month and anything over a year is forbidden in most jurisdictions nta i would be livid if my sleep was interrupted like that but if they are not willing to compromise then i'd say move out they can't actually force you to pay rent if you're not living there and the way i see it they are grown i'm not sure about your parents circumstances but how did they survive when you were a child i wonder rent here has exploded in the last five to six years where we were paying dollar sign 700-800 for a two-bedroom up through middle school it's gone to dollar sign 2000 plus since i've been in high school fortunately your dad is now permanently wfh so they can easily move to a less expensive area i was looking for this reply clearly living in such a damn expensive area is pointless presumably everyone is remote enough that moving is the cheapest option happy cake day nta if you're staying and paying rent at their request it's unreasonable he's arranged things in a way that prevents you sleeping i suggest moving out nta you are paying rent so you shouldn't have to be worried about being woken up at what i'm assuming is 3am it sucks that he's wfh and doesn't have a great place to work but you shouldn't have to wake up early because of that notice he doesn't want to disturb your mom which he would if you switched rooms but he has no problem disturbing you i would move out if you can if you do you aren't responsible for the rent on the room you are leaving unless you are on the lease if you are technically you are just as responsible for the rent as your parents [Music] nta he also thinks that if i move out i'm still responsible for my portion of the rent both at my new place and at home this is especially asinine if he wants your rent money he can make reasonable accommodations for you the issue is his company's phone system isn't voip so he needs his phone to be jacked right into our landline the only place we can do that is in our basement since the only other jack has our actual landline in it is there any way to get someone over there to install that somewhere else in the house that's more convenient you can buy a phone jack splitter and plug in his computer and your landline to the same line [Music] am i the antagonist for not showing up to my own surprise birthday party so this happened four ice years ago but it came up in conversation last week and opinions were split so i'm now asking the internet let me start by saying that i hate surprises i always have and i probably always will i also don't like my birthday very much but that's a story for another time on to the story my junior year in college i had a solid group of friends it was six or so people i also had a boyfriend tea that they didn't like for some reason i had the mom role in my group of friends and i also loved baking so i would usually organize and host my friend's birthday parties a year prior one of my friends jay had tried to organize me a surprise birthday party and i told him that i appreciated the thought but i didn't like the idea so he dropped it fast forward to my 21 street birthday and i wasn't feeling like celebrating so my boyfriend he said he would cook my favorite dinner and we could stay at his apartment watching some of my favorite movies while we were having dinner one of my friends b starts blowing up my phone and asking me to go back to my apartment this led to several other people calling me and asking me to go back to my apartment for some emergency eventually became clean and said that they had planned a surprise birthday party for me and that they were in my apartment rumored let them in waiting for me to arrive i told them thank you but i wouldn't be changing my plans last minute and turned off my phone when i got to my apartment the next day there was a half-eaten cake in the fridge deflated balloons in the living room and polaroid pictures of my friends partying in my house when i brought it up everyone said i was being an r because i chose to stay in with my bf instead of appreciating what they had done for me i called out jay and told him that he knew that would happen everyone then said that jay warned them but they thought i was pretending not to like surprise birthday parties just for attention it's been about four years since and i completely thought i was nta but i told the story to a new friend group and they said that if they went through the trouble of organizing a surprise birthday party for me and i didn't show up that they would also think i'm the r so internet am i the antagonist nta you told them you don't like surprise parties and they did one anyway also i get not liking your boyfriend but you don't throw a surprise party without someone so is involved otherwise you end up in this situation this they also never bothered to check what ops plans were prior to making their party how dense do people have to be to knock into the fact people would be with their so on their birthday nta to knock into what are you going for here i'm guessing q which is a hormone m4q and which is often misspelled as they are mad you didn't show up to a party that you didn't know about until after you had made alternate plans they are mad because you didn't come running home to a text two rules of a surprise party make sure the hollery likes surprise parties make sure there is a reliable person in charge of bringing the hollery to the party at the right time they failed both rules nta completely 100 agree with this not the a-hole everyone then said that jay warned them but they thought i was pretending not to like surprise birthday parties just for attention what that doesn't even make sense these people are idiots i don't understand your confusion i seek out people who specifically hate surprise parties and give them my undivided attention [Music] nta that's why you make absolutely sure that the person doesn't have any other plan when you organize a surprise party for them or better yet you organize a party and leave the surprise out of it they basically had a party in your apartment without telling you in advance and they even left a mess for you to clean this isn't high enough happy birthday i trashed your apartment for you enjoy cleaning up my mess apostrophe right followed closely by why don't you appreciate what we did for you gross nta i totally get this long before i started liking my birthday now it's a personal holiday for me lol i was staying at a friend's house in middle school and my mom called and said my rabbit needed to go to the vet so i went home under the pretense that my rabbit was urgently sick and was surprised to be have a good day party i yelled at her in front of my friends how embarrassed i was and hid in my room for a bit before joining the party i've apologized since because i know my behavior wasn't the best but my mom understands something similar happened to me too it wasn't a party but in middle school my mom took a permission note or textbook or something out of my room i freaked out when i couldn't find it whatever the thing was my mom told me to look for it in my room assuming i would fold things nicely and straighten my room to find it instead i trashed my whole room i was lucky my furniture was still intact and no holes in the wall i really tore things apart looking she then checked in and was furious that my room wasn't nice and neat and vacuumed she said i wouldn't get the thing back until i cleaned everything up and i was mad that the item was never missing it was taken not cool who the [ __ ] cleans a room when they're frantically searching for an object if i lose my phone hell knows a cyclone is gonna blow through my apartment edit maybe my homework is hidden in the carpet i'd better vacuum it just to be safe nta if you specifically asked to not have a surprise birthday party and they forced one on you anyway they're already in the wrong even worse they left the mess for you to clean a mess you weren't even a part of nta i think that your friends were asked for thinking that you were just pretending to dislike surprise birthday parties for the attention to me that just shows that they didn't really know you that well at all

Channel: Reddit Hunt

Views: 4,610

Rating: 4.8540144 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: H1icN3VLgnY

Length: 27min 15sec (1635 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 06 2021